Beth Ridley introduces the concept of a "safe and brave space" for group discussions, arguing that safety alone keeps people in comfort zones while bravery invites discomfort needed for learning. She shares a personal anecdote about reacting defensively to a differing movie opinion, and offers three rules of engagement to guide discussions: (1) share only from your own perspective, (2) balance talking and listening, and (3) approach conversations with genuine curiosity. She asks participants to reflect on what a safe and brave space means to them and to read the poem "Invitation to a Brave Space."
Chapters
Let's establish the ground rules for your group discussions so they're honest, positive and productive. To help, I'd like to introduce the concept of a safe and brave space for conversation. You're likely familiar with a safe space where you feel free to share your ideas without worrying about judgment. This is critical, but if our only goal is to feel safe, we stay in our comfort zones by sticking with safe topics like weather and sports. While being comfortable is desirable, it doesn't help us learn and grow. Learning and growth involves encountering the unfamiliar to push our boundaries and expand our understanding. The unfamiliar is inherently uncomfortable. I get it. And maybe a little scary. When we come across perspectives that don't align with our own, our tendency is to shut down or get defensive. I recently experienced this when discussing a movie with a friend. She loved it. I hated it. Instead of truly listening to her perspective, I found myself thinking, okay, she must have a low bar for entertainment. And being the English literature major, I'm a far superior movie critic. All of this was an unconscious effort to cling to my ideas because they are familiar and comfortable to me. As a result, I closed off the opportunity to learn and grow from a different viewpoint so simply because it made me uncomfortable. So, as you dive into your group discussions, I encourage you to acknowledge and face the discomfort that comes with unknown territory and new ideas. Having a safe space for conversation as the foundation, let's also encourage one another to be brave in order to move past our comfort zone, through the fear zone, and to the learning zone by staying curious, open minded, and okay with a bit of discomfort. Instead of seeking validation in conversations, let's focus on the opportunity to learn from others. To prepare for your first group discussion, reflect on what a safe and brave space means to you, and together you'll establish the behaviors that will make your discussions safe and brave for everyone. To get started, I offer three rules of engagement based on my facilitation experience. Rule number 1 Share from your own perspective. Do not speak for anyone else or on behalf of a community. And don't ask anyone to represent any group or anyone other than themselves. For example, when I share my reflections, I'm speaking for myself, Beth, not for all black Gen X women who live in the Midwest. And I'd never ask the only man in a group to represent his entire gender for for example, Rule number two Strive to do equal parts talking and listening. We all have different set points in terms of our comfort levels with talking about ourselves. I get it if you're on the quiet or the private side Challenge yourself to share so you can contribute to collective learning. And if you're a more talkative open book, strive to listen more and invite others into the conversation. If someone's being quiet, ask if they would like to contribute. If they don't, don't force them. If someone's monopolizing the conversation, gently remind them of this rule. Or just tell them Beth said stop talking so much. And rule number three Approach conversations with genuine curiosity. Have the intention to broaden your understanding, not to argue your point. Assume you can always learn, even when you don't always agree, and believe what you learn from others. Just because it's not your experience doesn't mean it isn't true for someone else. All opinions are valid and should be respected. Please read the poem Invitation to a Brave Space. Let it inspire you to envision what a safe and brave space means for you. This reflection will help you contribute meaningfully and deeply. Benefit from the opportunity to learn and grow alongside your fellow discussion group peers. It.
