How to Replace Gossip with a Purposeful Connection

Welcome back. Gossip is a part of human nature. You know how it goes, we get together, we share stories, but when it's at work, chatter about our co workers in the workplace can have a real impact on the culture.

We thrive for connections. But if it happens, if you happen to notice a lot of gossip going around, could be a red flag that things are going in the wrong direction. So joining us now is leadership expert and workplace culture consultant, it's Beth Ridley. She's got ways to channel that need for bonding in a productive and meaningful way. Right, Beth?

Absolutely, yes.

Good to see you. Hi.

So how do you describe workplace gossip? What exactly is it?

I would call it like informal, critical talk about others and probably not rooted in a lot of facts.

Right? Yeah.

It's probably not helpful.

Not helpful at all. Right.

A little bit like venting. Yes. So how common do you think it is today? Because we have talked before on the show that there are some positive aspects of gossiping.

But.

But I think it's gossiping like water cooler talk. Not the kind of stuff.

Yeah, more of like the chit chat stuff. I think gossiping is really common because of just like you said, I mean, it is a way to bond, you know, and when you're gossiping, you're feeling like you're getting closer to someone. So it does form relationships. So it's common for that reason. But it tends to be more common in dysfunctional cultures. So it's like a really good signal that maybe something is negative about the culture overall that's supporting gossiping.

Yeah, the barometer's kind of off at that point. So who tends to gossip more and where does it happen the most?

So demographically, interestingly enough, women gossip more than men. I don't know why, I don't know.

Why that seems obvious.

And we just talk more in general.

So, yeah, maybe a little bit of gossip will come up inevitably. I thought it was interesting that millennials, if you're talking about from a generational standpoint, gossip the most, really also don't know a lot.

I was surprised by that.

But even more so than these demographic differences, it really comes down to the workplace. So very high pressure work environments and also very hierarchical. So a lot of top down work environments are more susceptible to gossip.

That maybe makes sense. Yeah. What are the downsides of it?

It's a time suck. Right. So on average, even in good cultures, people spend about an hour a day gossiping. So it could be more than that. It erodes trust and cause division. It can spread misinformation Right. There could be very good reasons why leaders do something or policies or decisions are made. But if gossip is ranted, then people don't really know the real reason why.

Yeah.

So, okay, so why does it happen so much? Is it that people are unhappy?

I think it speaks to the human nature. Do people do want to bond and if they don't have something positive to bond over, they're going to bond over something negative.

Is there something leaders can do to kind of put a stop to it or maybe help transfer that to more positive communication?

I think that's the key. It's really about creating a more positive.

Work environment because you want bonds to flow.

You want bonds. So give people something really positive to bond over. In the absence of that, they'll make up stuff and it tends to be kind of negative. So even simple things like all companies have like workplace culture values. Right. Integrity and respect. But usually it's on the website and you don't really talk about it, so it doesn't really mean much. You can start there, actually talk about these values, what does it look like in the workplace? And that way it's going to set the tone that gossip doesn't really live up to these values.

So that's 1. Making values visible, you say promote curiosity over judgment. Yeah.

So gossip happens when people don't really know the reason why, they just make up stuff. So if you promote, it's okay to ask to get to the real reason why. That's going to eliminate some of the guesswork and eliminate gossip.

In helping to build personal connections, I think you suggest meetings with sort of a light personal touch. But sometimes like in meetings where we're welcoming a new employee, you kind of go around the room and say, what's something really interesting about you that a lot of people don't know? Or something like that. Exactly.

The good old fashioned icebreaker. They work. It's just an easy way to get to know your co workers personally. And if you know people, you kind of like them better. And if you like them better, you're unlikely to gossip about them.

Yeah.

And then you say clothes can communication gaps. How do you do that?

It's more transparency around decision making. So explain not just the decision, but the why behind it. And again, it sort of closes that gap of people not knowing and filling in the information with misinformation, which is fun to gossip about. So just be as transparent around decisions and outcomes as much as possible.

I love your takeaway that gossip is a signal, not just a problem.

Yes, exactly. It can tell you a lot about your culture, and now you've got the tips on how to make it better.

Yeah, exactly.

Nip it in the bud, right? Yeah.

Thank you.

Good to have you here to watch this segment again or to send it to a friend.