Navigating Love at Work

Welcome back. Well, most of us spend a lot of time at work, so it's not surprising that some of us might fall for someone at the office.

Right. Today, an expert is here with practical tips on keeping things professional and why it's important to have a breakup plan too. Beth Ridley is a leadership expert and she's a workplace culture consultant. She has more information and tips on navigating those workplace romances.

Oh, yeah, they happen.

They do happen.

I mean, it's to be expected. We spend so much time at work, you know, it's inevitable sometimes.

Yes.

I mean, people joke about having a work wife or work husband, but sometimes that turns into reality. So should you or should you not avoid them at all costs?

Well, there's no clear cut answer. I think there's pros and cons of having a relationship at work. The pro is, you know what, honestly, it's nice to have a positive relationship at work, someone you can confide in. It makes work more fun. You might be more motivated and engaged about work. And of course, we all know the pitfalls. Right? So a relationship at work can definitely be a source of conflict, weird office dynamics, and certainly if it goes sour, it could be awkward at a minimum and it could lead to legal complications.

Yeah, the legal part of it, I think it's a little bit more serious. So we can talk to you a little bit about when it gets awkward and things to do in just a second. But I want to talk about why they should be avoided and how they can affect, I guess, policy and what questions you need to ask about about your workplace and policies they have about romance.

Yeah, well, the workplace romance is that absolutely should be avoided if it's in sort of the chain of command. So a boss should not date a direct report and vice versa. And most workplaces have policies, strict policies against that. So you also don't want to do anything that's against workplace rules and policies. So that would be a clear one to know.

That would be a no. No, no.

That would be an absolute no. No, that's a non starter. The other one that may not be against workplace policies, but you want to be thoughtful is if you work really closely with someone, like, again, it can cause a lot of weird workplace dynamics, not just for you, but for the people around you too. Right. Which could limit your career too.

Okay, interesting. Okay, so if it can't be avoided, what else should you consider?

I think you should think about it from both the head and the heart. So from the heart standpoint, really decide, is this person a Keeper. Are they worthy?

Great question.

Yeah. Because a lot of times you're thrown in a work environment, you might bond over frustrations of work or you're doing a lot of traveling together and attraction.

Right.

But beyond that, is there staying power? Right. So think about that. Right. Is it worth it? Is there a future beyond just work? And then from the head standpoint, if it does seem like it's worth investing in, you probably should have a conversation with hr, understand what the policies are so you're not in conflict with those policies.

Yeah.

That's a weird conversation.

And so again, is it worth it? Right. Yes.

Yes. Well, what about maintaining professionalism while being in the office? Because I'm watching a show right now suits, and it just makes you wake up.

Are they hooking up in the hallway?

What not to do. Yeah.

Right.

Yes. What not to do. A good rule of thumb is try to maintain the same type of relationship you would have with any other coworker. That should be your model. Right? Yeah. So that means no public display of affection. Yuck. Please. No hand holding, no kissing at work. No one wants to see that. Also no personal conversations. Definitely no arguments. All that outside of work. Your rule of thumb is you're just another co worker when we're at work. Right.

Okay.

I love it. Good. In theory. Right. Let's see if we could do this. What if people are just gonna say, well, why don't we just keep it a secret?

So I think if the relationship is early, you should keep it a secret because you just don't know. So why have to divulge anything if it's not gonna last? If it seems like it has staying power, then probably it's okay to tell people again as long as it's within the guidelines. Because the truth of the matter is people will know anyway. Yeah, they know. Right. And it's hard to talk about your personal life or your weekend, especially if it involves the other person, and not include them. So people are gonna find out. It's probably better just to be transparent and upfront at that point.

Yeah. Interesting. So there's a time to keep it a secret and probably a time to let the cat out of the bag, so to speak. Should you consider leaving the company if the office romance becomes ser.

So I can speak from personal experience.

How long did you do this, Ms. Beth?

I would like to say my husband and I worked at the Same company for 12 years now. We were already married before we. So there's a little bit of difference.

Totally different.

Yes, totally different. And I think for 12 years, we were able to keep it totally professional. I'd like to think we'll let your.

Co workers Grey's Anatomy going on, but.

I actually did decide to leave the company. And I will say, you know, when you do, when you're married and you work at the same place, it's way too easy to talk way too much about work.

Yeah.

It's just too easy. It becomes the default. Once I left, I feel like we had more things to talk about than just work and I think that's healthy for the relationship.

But was it one sided then? He was just talking about work because you had left. And he was like, but you get this.

Even when we talk about work, it's different work. And so that sort of shifts things and breaks things up a little bit. So I think you have to just decide what's best for the relationship.

We didn't talk about the breakup plan and we ran out of time really quick. You should have one.

You should absolutely have one. Because if things go sour, you've thought about how do you maintain that professionalism so it doesn't become weird for you and for other people?

Yeah. Good stuff to consider. Beth.

Thank you, Beth. Thank you.

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