Speaking Up at Work

Isn't always easy. Nobody wants to rock the boat or create conflict. So joining us now is leadership expert and workplace consultant. We've got Beth Ridley and she's got some tips for speaking up when you witness behavior that is not inclusive or it's inappropriate. Good to have you here.

Hi.

I love this topic because, you know, I think, you know, it's. It's good to have a little sense of humor about some of these topics, but they're very important for all of us to learn and to know and to be better.

Yeah, totally.

So this is all about feeling like you belong at work or in groups and company that you keep and how to speak up if you find something or hear something that's inappropriate.

I think we've all had those experiences and you sort of cringe and you think, oh, I wish I could say something. And then we don't and then we regret it. Because how do we make the workplace better unless we sort of let people know if they're doing or saying something that doesn't make us feel that sense of belonging.

Absolutely. And belonging is important for everyone. I think that sense of community and belonging is what makes us all feel good in life.

Yes.

Okay, so what are some common missteps that people might make or that happen at work that require people to speak up?

Yeah, so usually these fall under the category of what we call microaggressions. Maybe you've heard of that term?

I have.

So they're really subtle. Usually unintentional words or actions that conveys some type of like negative stereotype or assumption towards someone. It's really important that the person who is perpetrating that it is unintentional. They really don't mean it, but it doesn't mean it's any less hurtful. So.

Well, I like that distinction. So a microaggression you say is not overtly harmful in nature, but it still can be harmful to the person.

Yeah, exactly.

So that's why it's important someone speaks up.

Yeah. So a simple example, right? So there's someone at the hospital waiting for the doctor to come in a room. A woman enters the room and the person assumes that they're a nurse and they say, well, when will the doctor be here? Kind of unintentionally indicating that maybe the woman isn't capable enough to be a doctor.

Uh huh. That's happened. It's happened many times. I've seen it happen myself. And so in that moment, should somebody speak up or should someone or should the doctor themselves speak up?

Yeah, So I always say do speak up. But there are a couple of tips to be able to do that so that it's a little bit more comfortable, although it'll always feel a little awkward, but that the interaction goes more positively than not.

So why is it important at the end? Why can't you just let it fly under the radar if it wasn't meant to be harmful?

Well, because then a behavior just continues to perpetuate and at the end of the day, it sort of rolls up to a negative employee experience or at the worst, kind of a toxic environment.

Yes.

And when people speak up, it encourages other people to speak up. And truthfully, I think everyone can relate to, you know, they've experienced something that didn't sit well with them at work. And if you have a culture where people do speak up out of respect and empathy and kindness, it just encourages everyone to be part of making the workplace culture better together.

I like that. So before speaking up, how can you prepar yourself to have the courage? Because it can be hard.

It can be super hard and awkward. But yes, the right mindset makes a difference. So I say there are a couple things. One, don't try to be like the politically correct police or there to teach somebody you're really. Cause we all can make mistakes too. Right. So it's really just about letting someone know how their words of actions made you feel. That's number one. The second thing is recognize that you really don't have control over how someone may react or respond. So you should sort of like take that off the table. You know, you're sharing with them, and it's up to them to decide what they want to do with that information.

Yes.

But if you approach out of like a little bit of patience and empathy and compassion with you speaking up, it usually does go well. I like to say focus on what can go right with the conversation rather than what could go wrong. And usually it goes surprisingly really well.

Agreed. I agree with you. I think most people kind of shock themselves when they do put themselves in that situation. So what are ways to make speaking up easier? And give us a couple more examples.

Okay. A couple of tips that I use. I like to always approach someone in private. A lot of times maybe someone says something, there's other people around. Probably not the best time to do that. If you confront someone in public, their defenses naturally go up because they want to save face. If you approach someone in private, their guard will be a little bit down and it usually leads to a better interaction.

Okay, I like that.

I think it's also important to just speak to your own personal experience, how you were felt. Don't speak on behalf of, like a community. Well, on behalf of all women. This is why it's like, no, you said something and it was directed towards my gender and it made me feel this way. I also say, just ask someone because don't assume that what you heard is what they meant. So you can sort of repeat. So, quick example. Like, I had a mentor and I was looking to get a promotion at a job, and my mentor says, well, of course you'll get the job. They're looking for diversity. And it kind of made me feel like, well, diminishing. Exactly. So I said to them, you know, this is what you said, and this is how it made me feel. What did you mean? And then they were able to kind of either realize what they said and how it came across, or you give them the benefit of the doubt and before accusing them and then focus on, again, the impact to you personally without labeling them. Like, you made me feel that maybe the only thing I was qualified about was my race or gender. And I'm not saying, you know, but I didn't say, well, I think you're a sexist or a racist. Right. I'm not labeling anything that can really.

Make somebody defensive, especially if that's not where their heart was.

And again, usually unintentional. So it's a little bit more about educating how they made you feel. And that's really all you can do.

The personal experience. I think this is a great topic. I feel like we could go more in depth. So I hope you come back and chat about this because I think it happens to many people. It's happened to me. I've been in situations and I've been the person, and I think the moment we can all just talk comfortably and openly, we can all be better.

And I like to say if you have spinach in your teeth or the toilet paper on your. And you walk around like that, I always appreciate the person who says, honey, let me. And I say, if you go in with that spirit, because we all want to be better, sometimes you just got to let someone know how they can be better, and that way they don't have to get defensive about it. It's like, thank you for educating me to be better.

Absolutely. I love it. Beth, here's the deal. You can re watch this segment or go and send it to one of your friends who maybe needs to hear this too. Visit our website, themorning blend.com that's where it'll be.