High Achiever Anxiety: When Success Still Doesn’t Feel Like Peace

Like there's a pandemic of anxiety in our youth.

And so I felt kind of this constant anxiety to reach something that I was supposed to be doesn't mean I have to live by what my anxiety is dictating me to do.

So you don't have to stay stuck in the loop of anxiety.

I guess I'm trying to, like, better myself, to be ready for the best opportunity where I can help the most people, which is like something I feel very called to, is like to be of service, to be open, to be helpful to people. It feels like peace, it feels like rest, it feels like guidance, opposite of anxiety. So it's beautiful.

If anxiety has ever convinced you that you are not ready, not worthy, or not enough, and if it prevents you from acknowledging and celebrating the small wins, you're going to love this conversation. Mariana Suarez had the resume, the grades, the prestigious job, and a debilitating anxiety that robbed her of her joy and peace. Today, she will share what she has done to build a life anchored in peace, purpose and curiosity. Let's go. Welcome, Mariana.

Thank you.

I know I formally introduced you a little bit, but let me tell you about you, Mariana. You were our youngest student in the coaching Academy when you attended it. And you were curious and inquisitive and wise and mature and hungry for growth and learning. And you were open and irresistible, like everybody loved you in the Faith Based Coaching Academy. You were just so willing and eager to receive, to become better, to ask questions, to go on this quest for what's next, what's my purpose? What is God calling me to do? And I'm just in awe of you. So I'm not going to say too much about how your journey has transpired because I want you to share it, but I'm just in awe of you. I admire you deeply. All of the students in that cohort and the ones that have met you afterwards are amazed by you. And I would always tell you, like, ah, the dreams I dream for you. Like, if you could see yourself the way I see you, you'd be like, I don't know, maybe a narcissist. Because I really think the world of you. You are the only person I have trusted my kids with for life coaching. So Mariana is working as a life coach right now. She's a graduate from the Faith Based Coaching Academy and her wisdom is such, and her creativity that she brings into her practice is such that kids are obsessed with her and she just really creates an impact. So I'm forever grateful for the work you've done with my daughter and how you have supported her emotional well being. And, and I just, I just want to recommend you to the world and I want everybody who listens to this to like, just get to experience you so that they also can be blessed by you. So I love you and I'm so happy you're here.

No, I'm so blessed to be here and to be part of this community.

Okay, so tell me, tell me, tell me about you, this debilitating anxiety that you experienced for a long time. Tell me, like, about Mariana and her youth. Well, you're still young, but you know what I mean. Younger.

Raw young. Okay. So, yeah, as you mentioned, I'm currently a life coach and I'm also working as a data science epidemiology modeler. So that's who I am in terms of my profession. And there's a lot that led up to where I am now. So talking a little bit about my anxiety, that's something that I've always identified with and had a habit with ever since I was little, kind of ever since I started had a working memory. So one memory that comes very clear to mind is back in second grade when a teacher asked, okay, everybody pick up your desk and put away your pencils. And I had this pink pencil with a little flamingo on this end with like the little spiral and it comes out and it like extends the pencil longer than it's supposed to be. And I was trying to put it in the pencil case and it didn't fit and I was breaking the rules. So I just started feeling a panic attack, like, coming to my chest from like my flamingo pencil not fitting in my pouch. So it was very much something that I felt from kind of day one of my life. And it's really hard because I've gone to different therapists and different counselors and they're like, but what do you think triggered it? I'm like, I don't know. Because everything seemed kind of perfect. Like, my family loved me, I had good friends. Like, I had good things going on, but it was just like this lingering, overwhelming sense of anxiety that I felt. Reflecting on it some more, I think that a big thing thing that was hard for me is that a lot of times our reward system as we grow up is very quantifiable and very much based on metrics. So for example, like, whenever I had a good report card, I would be rewarded with a five dollar bill. Or whenever I had good grades, I would get an award at school. So it felt very much like if you do this, then you could get that. So I. I think, reflecting on it, that I was trying to, like, prove myself. And so I felt kind of this constant anxiety to reach something that I was supposed to be. That's the best way that I've been able to put it now. And, yeah, so that. Experienced that through elementary, through high school, and I was kind of known as the anxious kid with my siblings and stuff. Like, you know, like, we'd go to the dinner table and be like, well, Marianne's gonna form a show again. And. And, like, my poor little brother that's like six years younger was just looking at me like, is this what high school is? Like? It's like she's a little crazy. So it was a lot. But I just. And I think that the reason why I didn't change, even, like, seeking support and stuff, is because I fundamentally identified with that and didn't believe I could change. So if I didn't have the belief I could change, then I think you can't change.

If you don't have the belief that you can change, then you cannot change.

Yeah, so I think that was a big part. And then when it came to high school, I was graduating, going to college. With this anxiety came a lot of indecision and uncertainty of who I was. So it was very difficult to make a choice. And I chose my college, but I think I listened to other people as I was deciding. So when I got there, I was even more anxious because I was like, did I choose the wrong one? Grass is greener on the other side. A lot of times when I was choosing my major, it was very much like, I don't know myself. So let me choose one that opens up my options most. Like, what's the hottest, most cloudest thing out there? So it's like data science and analytics. So that's kind of what I lean to because of that and also because I like to challenge myself. Like, I like to challenge, I like to grow.

So was that choice ever also influenced by your gifts and your talents? Like, did you love math? Did you love science? Or was it just this is the thing to do so that I can earn that respect, that love?

Yeah, that's a good point. I think I was blending both. So I was doing computer science type of things, but at the same time, I had a minor in poverty studies and I had global health data science project. So I very much tried to merge the two. I guess I'm trying to, like, better myself, to be ready for the best opportunity where I can help the most people, which is like something I feel very called to, to be of service, to be open, to be helpful to people. And so that's kind of why I pursued a master's in data science. And after that I went to a consulting data science job. Just kept trying to, like, build my toolbox as much as I possibly can. And. But while I was there, I still kind of felt unsettled because I was being called a little bit more to the healthcare space, things that I know I cared about, and I wasn't seeing the direct impact in the consulting work I was doing, even though I was.

But wait, wait, wait. You went to work in college. What was life like with that anxiety? Like, you went to a college, and really good one, by the way, that most people would love to go to, and you were struggling with this. You took the anxiety with you, right? Like you left Miami to go to college, then you did a master's. Like, can you tell us a little bit about the journey of like. Because I think for you who are in college and are listening to this, or maybe your child is in college, like, there's a pandemic of anxiety in our youth. Like, my daughter had anxiety at 11 years old, which is why you came in to support her. And nobody better than you, because you've been there, done that, and you know how to rise above it. I would love for the, the people listening to this to, like, see themselves in your struggles. So what was college like for you?

Anxiety, to me kind of felt like a lot of what if and not good enough blanket over both my academics and my social life. So it's preparing for a test and being like, what if I'm not studying enough? What if I'm not doing it right? And I think that what's really hard, the transition from high school to college is that in high school you're very much on a track. Like, the best class is this AP Physics class. And you all take it. Whether you want to be a physicist or not, you take it. But in college, it's a new world. It's like the best person depends what you like. Like, if you're a physicist, then you take all the physics classes. But if you want to be the best in math or the best in arts, and you take different things so there's no objective best, and it starts branching out a little bit more. So it becomes very overwhelming. And so I think that was very hard because I kept second guessing the different routes or the different options that I could take there. That was one form and Then second is social again before, like, a lot of people have our same friends in elementary and since our moms are friends and we're friends and it's like kind of more curated and here it's like a whole world of people. And while it's beautiful that there's like amazing opportunity in that, it's overwhelming the choice. So it's like I felt myself not committing too much to one friend group and like kind of bouncing around. And that was very hard in my school, especially because they have like a housing system where you're in the same house from the same. From the day that you get to campus for the next three, four years that you're on campus. So for me, I was like, I don't want to be stuck. Like, who do I hang out with? All these what ifs, what ifs that are boiling up and not letting me kind of breathe and be the person that I really am. When I am most me, that's when I'm the best person in the world. So that's kind of what anxiety.

So it sounds like you weren't trusting yourself. You were second guessing. You had that committee in your mind consistently bothering you, like, what if this is the wrong decision? What if you should do this and there's so many options? And so there was a little bit of decision fatigue also and not trusting yourself to make the decision and not because there was so much clutter and noise in your mind. There was no stillness or silence to allow for you to listen to the inner voice, the divine wisdom within, which in fact leads me to ask this question, like, what is, what was the role of faith, if any, in. In your. Up until college, what was. What was the role of faith in your life?

I think as youth we're a little bit rebellious, like we're trying to figure out ourselves. So when somebody tells us something, we're like, no, I want to do the opposite. So I think for me, when I had stronger faith in my youth was when it wasn't surrounded or wasn't the norm. So I went to, I switched schools while I was in elementary because of my anxiety and everything. And while I was at my elementary school that wasn't Catholic, that's when I think I had the strongest faith because I sought it out for myself. So I would go to like my grandma's sister's house and she would do CCD for me. And like, it felt very much mine. And then when I switched to Catholic high school or went to Catholic University, then it felt kind of like imposed and everybody else was doing it, and I was like, it's not mine. Like, it's just coming from other people. So.

So even that was a form of pressure.

Yeah, so even that felt a little bit pressureful. And I think now reflecting on faith a little more, that's still not completely wrong, right? Like, faith has to be your own, but it's also great to lean on a community and others around you. But I had to kind of, like, go through that process of rebelling internally to make it feel fully mine and love it the way that faith is for me, which today, it feels like peace, it feels like rest, it feels like guidance. And that's something which is opposite of anxiety. So now it's. It's beautiful.

Okay, so then you went to college. You struggled with anxiety. You were also questioning faith because it was imposed. Then you did a master's. You found a corporate job in New York. Really good job.

Tell us.

Tell us a little more about that journey.

So, yeah, then I finished undergrad, and then I was deciding what to do grad. I applied to two master's program. One was a master's in International development, and the second one was a master's in business analytics data science. So I was just like, I know I love helping and service, and I also know I want to strengthen my technical skills and be, like, a technical elite person. So. So, yeah, I got into both programs, and I was deciding between the two and how I mentioned before, like, I have this kind of, like, I want to continue to challenge myself, be the baddest. And so I'm like, let me go for, like, the technical option. And while I was there, what was really crazy is, like, even though objectively, the course material is not, like, my number one. Like, I'm not obsessed with, like, math equations and all these optimization problems and machine learning algorithms. What I do love is the challenge and the community. And that cohort, that program I was with had those elements in a way that was really beautiful. And, like, everybody showed up for each other. That was so awesome. So there. I also learned that, like, even though the content itself or what you're doing itself might not be ideal or exactly what you want, what matters more is the people and who you're with and the team that you're with. So that was really awesome during my experience there. And everybody was so selfless with their time. And I think that resonated with me a lot. For example, there was, like, this one kid in the program that was super smart, and we all asked him so many questions. That he ended up hosting office hours for the rest of us. He wasn't a TA or anything, but he was just so sweet. It was just like, can you give.

Him a shout out?

Yeah, Sean, I love you. He's still in MIT doing his PhD, so he's. He's legit.

How did you live your faith during that time?

Yeah, I think open and with curiosity. Also during that time, I had an atheist roommate, so I was exposed to lots of different ways of life and ways of thinking. And I really appreciated the challenge because the more I'm challenged, the more it's my own, rather than just accepting what I felt like I was being brainwashed with since day one. It's like, really, what beliefs are my own? And sometimes I couldn't fight against things that he was saying. And so I would need to, like, go and do my research. So I was happy that in this process, I was, like, being challenged and, like, thinking about it. And I think faith in general was, like, even when I got, like, a 20% on an exam, like, knowing things were going to be okay because I had friends that had family. So faith was peace in it.

Marianne, I know this is, like, a little bit of a curveball, but would you, like, speak to the parents whose child is going through this? Like, who's separating from their faith because it has been imposed, or who is exposed to, like, atheism or any other form of spirituality, and they have, like, they're starting to question and find out for themselves or challenge the things that they learned in their upbringing? What would you tell the parent? And later on, like, what would you tell the kid going through this so that the parent can serve benefit, like, support that development and growth of the child? Like, what would you have wanted to hear from your family when you were questioning and challenging clarity? Clearly, it wasn't that they impose it and they tell you what to do. So what could a parent do to do it right, to make it right? Quick interruption. If you're listening and you are ready to release anxiety and tap into peace, go to faithbasedcoachingacademy.com fear for a free masterclass that will teach you how to let fear be the emotion aimed to protect you and not the lifestyle that threatens to enslave you. Now back to the episode.

Parents actions speak louder than their words. So continue to be the example that you want without being too focused on what exactly you're saying and every conversation and the outcome of these conversations. So remember that what you do matters even more. And then the second thing is be open with curiosity. So a lot of times, and I've experienced this with my family, like a lot of people come from a closed minded approach and closed minded, like clashing with closed minded. Like there's nothing that could like come from those conversations in terms of like progressing in knowledge or progressing and like understanding. So it's really just opening with curiosity and understanding that the more you have a relationship and a connection with your child, the more they'll be open to embracing things that you're doing or you're saying. So if you go against their beliefs, they're going to close off from you and then the impact that you can have on them is diminished.

Absolutely. And if you were talking to the, to the teenager, young adult going through this, what would you say?

Yeah, to them I would say go and explore. It's really hard. Like everybody, everything that happens in our life is kind of by chance or mystery or by God, whatever language you prefer to use. But. And it's hard to be like, I'm Catholic because I was born in a Catholic family, but what is really the truth? And it's totally not even appropriate, totally amazing to go off and question it, to really seek answers for yourself because this world is so ambiguous and there's so much to learn that the more it becomes your own, the more you can strengthen it. In the end.

So much wisdom. I love you for it. Okay, so let's continue with your journey. So you finished grad school, you had a beautiful experience. You learned the technical things, but you enjoyed most the community and the support and the generosity in people wanting to expand each other. What led you? How did you end up in New York?

I continue with that same approach of really wanting to challenge myself. And I also really much value the community that had built. So one is most my friends from the program were going to New York and I wanted to live that life and be around people and like do the big thing. And then two with my job specifically, I wanted to strengthen both my technical and personal skills. So that's where I did data science consulting, where I wasn't just behind the scenes coding, but I was also making the presentations and presenting to the C suite and like really having like these big conversations. So I thought that was like a great place to challenge myself. Even though I still was a little bit like, I don't know.

It was hard.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was hard. Did you question yourself a lot?

Yeah. So while I was there it was hard because the hours are basically, sometimes I would say it's like 24, seven, like, except for when you sleep. So it was a lot of learning of how to draw boundaries and. Yeah. And also it's really difficult because you kind of have to constantly prove yourself while you're in the job, which is pretty unique because there's specific projects, and the projects last two to three months, and then after those two to three months, you have to start networking to.

Find a new job every time.

So it's a new job every time. And like, for me, that sometimes was struggling before with anxiety and, like, who am I, like, getting these metrics, like, again and again I had to prove myself. So that was hard. But I also, like, am very grateful for that challenge because I think it was what the world was sending me that I needed. And it was even harder because it was kind of like a little bit post covet times. And so a lot of the projects had dried down. So it was. There was like, way more people than projects. So it was really. Wow.

So you also were competing for projects.

Yeah. And then if you don't spend time on projects and you're internally in the beach or on the bench and doing internal projects, but those hours hurt you because you're not being billed to the client. So I was being. I was really stressed that, like, I really need to get on the client project because if not, I'm gonna get fired or whatever it was. So.

Wow, that's a lot of pressure.

So. Yeah, it was a lot of pressure.

So tell me about how you felt during that job, like, what you learned from it. And that's the time during which we got to know each other. Yeah. So if you want to share a little bit of that journey and then. And then we can go on to, like, another stage of your life that I was a part of, which was really beautiful to witness. And it's very exciting and I can't wait to share with you with it, with you listening. So tell us about New York and then just let's go into the next phase.

Yeah. So New York as a city is, like, crazy. What I love about it is just like it's everybody in one place. Where I live right now in Miami, it's very much like you. You drive to point A, to point B, New York, you're walking from point A to B, point B, and there's a person from this place and that place, and it's just so many different types of people in one place. So that's what I like about New York and the opportunities and the adventure and everything. And so I enjoyed that. And I enjoyed being with my friends in that space and at the same time, because of, like, the intensity of the hours of my job. And I wasn't really doing. I wasn't really aligned with, like, what I know I care about, which is serving others. A lot of times it didn't feel like I was serving others through my work. I felt a little bit depleted and frustrated and like, I really wanted to be in like, a healthcare project, for example, but there was no healthcare project. So I was doing other work, like helping with the printer company or automotive company. And I, like, everything has a lesson, right? So I can't be like, oh, I didn't learn from air. It wasn't good for me. Like, I still appreciate all of it, but I was like, I really want to be in healthcare more or something. So. So, yeah, it was like late nights, feeling frustrated, feeling stressed, feeling like things were starting to build up a little bit. And it was hard because, like, grad school, I had an awesome wave. Like, I was really happy, like, beginning of New York. But then, like, my job, I think, was like, building and building. I was like, ah, listening to my emotions a little bit. Like, I gotta switch. So during that time, I had been seeing therapists kind of a little bit infrequently. I've been seeing a therapist since seventh grade with my anxiety and everything.

And.

And during that time, I was blessed that my mom's friend, and then my mom got introduced to Betsy, and my mom actually did the cohort and she was like, oh, I know you're going through a lot and thinking about transitioning. Do you want to talk to my coach? She's amazing. I'm like, another therapist. And then I was like, okay, I'll give it a chance.

And you interviewed me, like, legit. You were like, I don't know. I don't know about you, woman. I remember you're like, I'm worried about this, I'm worried about that. And I answered all your objections. And you're like, let me think about it.

But there was something that I had to say. Yes. And I'm happy I did.

So why?

Why? Because I would say one is because of the hope that you embody. It's something that I was craving without knowing that I craved. And it's just knowing that things could be better. So, like, back when I talked about my anxiety and, like, not changing because I didn't believe it was possible, you really helped me believe that it was possible. And it wasn't just part of my identity. So that was Transformative. And the second part is a relationship. I think that a lot of times with other people, I kind of like, I don't know, I could ghost them a little more hide, but here, there was no hiding. Like, you were on top of me, so I needed that. So I think those are two reasons.

I'm happy to hear. Well, you transformed my life too, just so you know. And. And you were. I hope that the people listening to this podcast, if you have been my client, I love you too. And, Mariana, you may have been my favorite, because, again, you are. You're hungry. You are inquisitive, curious, hungry. Like. Like, you know, we met twice a week, but spoke every day.

Right.

Because we do coaching packages. So we. We spoke every day. And I was your journal. You would text me every day, like you're processing, and then I get some feedback. So it's fascinating from a professional standpoint to be working with someone who wants what you have to offer so badly and is willing to put in the work and the time to consume it. And just experience was fascinating. You blessed me very much, too.

I remember being on some consulting trips in the hotel hallway and laying down and feeling terrible and just calling you, like, betsy, help. And you're always there.

So tell me. Tell me about what happened after we met, that we started working on that. You. You had hope. So now you knew you didn't have to be who you had always been. And you had, like, we were working on giving you tools so that you would disidentify with anxiety as your essence. What. How, like, what happens during that time and what decisions did it lead you to make? And just tell us about part two, which I'm dying to get to.

Yeah. So during that time, the main thing I felt was hope and I could change. And something I struggled with, which I touched on a little bit, is, like, knowing what exactly is next or, like, what is coming from me. And so. But at the same time, I kind of still had a feeling that something about this job wasn't giving me peace and I needed a profession.

The toxic boyfriend.

Yeah, I needed something that gave me.

Sorry, let me just explain what I just said, because it's an inside joke. So the toxic boyfriend was the job. I was like, mariana, it's like you're living with a toxic boyfriend or husband, and he's beating you up, and you're like, yes, but I'm like, toxic? He's toxic. He's abusive. Right. Like, the job wasn't serving you and it wasn't about the job.

Right.

There was nothing wrong with them as much as the fact that it was misaligned with you. So then it was constantly bringing the worst in you rather than the best in you, which is what you ultimately wanted by serving others.

Yeah. And I think this ties into like an overarching theme that I've realized of chasing success versus fulfillment. So through this process, I really started to become aware that a lot of times I was chasing success, which to me is the human form of good things. So it's like success is the metrics, the metrics, the quantitative metrics of what's good. Whereas fulfillment is a more qualitative feeling or alignment that isn't measurable in human terms. So a lot of times I was chasing success in terms of the grades or success in terms of a good name company or a good name university, or a certain partner relationship, or all these different things that were very much shareable with the outside world. And it's hard because, like sometimes, like when I go to my grandfather's house and he introduced me to his friends, like, oh, this is my granddaughter Mariana, who went to Notre Dame and then mit and then she did beseech. So that's how people see me. So that's what I was defining myself with a lot. But it was in a line. I wasn't fulfilled. So.

Okay, I want to say that again because when I first heard you say that, I was like, it's amazing. Are you searching for success? The numbers, the amount, the things, the metrics, or are you looking for fulfillment, which is the experience of success that feels like home, feels like rest, like purpose, like love, peace? What are you searching?

So in this journey, while I was being coached by you, then I started seeking a little bit more how am I going to be fulfilled? Which is what I was really craving, not success. And in the process, I remember hearing about the Peace Corps through, I don't know, through career fairs and different things. And I was ready. I was like, let me just look at the Peace Corps website and go to some place for two years and figure it out. And while I was on the Peace Corps website, I came across this other branch from traditional Peace Corps, which is Peace Corps response. And they have six months to one year positions with partner organizations. And so I filtered healthcare, six months analytics. And the one that came up was Malawi, epidemiology modeling expert. And so I always say Malawi chose me. Not I chose Malawi, literally was the one there. And I had never done epidemiology modeling, but I, I don't know, I applied and I was like, I'm the epidemiology modeling expert now. And yeah, so I got in. And when I got in and was discerning, it was really hard to leave everything that I felt that I had built in New York to leave like the right career path. Nobody in my program was not doing data science except for one other friend to have. So leaving kind of like that whole data science AI world was really hard because I had attached to it and been so identified by it for so long. But I don't know, I think I kind of had a mentality like life short and I, I'm feeling called and let's try it out. And deciding was also hard because my family, not that they're like, oh, you have to have the most elite job or anything, but they care a lot about my safety for sure. Especially as Hispanic parents. I'm sure you all, anybody who's Hispanic can relate to this. And a lot of times when people don't know something fully, they fill in the gaps with whatever is in their head. So this transition to Malawi was hard for them to know because they didn't know much about Malawi. So they filled it in with, you might get kidnapped, you might get stolen, you might get all these terrible things. And they were instilling a lot of fear in me with their concerns, which are fair because they're number one objective is for me to have a good life. Like they're not trying to do anything to hurt me. But it was very difficult for me to make the decision because of it. How did you handle that in the end? Since it's something I struggle with a lot, is discerning my voice. I told my family for this weekend, I'm not talking to you guys. Sit in stillness. So I set a boundary and it was helpful for me. And then I. And then I. After that weekend, I decided we're going. And it was hard to leave. And until all my medical clearance happened, which didn't fully happen until the week before, I was like, I don't really know if I'm leaving. I didn't fully embrace it because it was just like, is it really real? Is it really me? I don't want to jinx it, you know.

What was the most powerful part for you, like the one that meant the most in your journey, in this transition of going from the superstar job in New York to Peace Corps in Africa?

Yeah, I think the most powerful was one is the process of removing myself from labels and not clinging on to external things to validate myself, because that was Something I was in the habit of, and then two, I would say, is crossing the border of anxiety. So, like, even though there was a lot of unknown, it's like recognizing it. Okay, I see it. I assessed it. I did pros and cons of this. I did everything. And just because I'm uncertain doesn't mean I have to live by what my anxiety is dictating me to do.

You don't have to stay stuck in the loop of anxiety.

Yeah. So it's very hard, like, when you have a lot of anxiety in the background, always to discern what's this lingering anxiety in the back and what's, like, a real anxiety that I should listen to. So it was really working through that process and building the muscle of that discernment of the lingering anxiety and, like, the I'm in danger anxiety. So that was a good.

What a great distinction, Mariana. So there is a difference between feeling into your body, Right? Like, sometimes when we. When we're discerning, we want to feel into our body. Joe Dispenza says that thoughts are the language of the mind, emotions are the language of the body. So when we're discerning, we get to feel into it. Do we feel expansive? Do we feel open? Do we feel excited? Or are we scared? Or do we cringe when we think about the possibility? But that's usually when you're not. When your filter is not blurred and it's not affected or muddied by anxiety. So when you're beginning this journey, what comes from unhealthy anxiety and what comes from the divine wisdom within telling me, like, I don't think so. It's not a good idea. How did you work through that?

I think I didn't have a complete answer. Like, I was searching for this clarity. Like, I know I have peace, but after I made the decision, made the decision, I wasn't like, yeah, let's go, like, proclaiming it to the world. I was still kind of quiet about it. So I think the way I did it is just by what feels good enough. It doesn't need to be this loud. Super great. Amazing answer. As long as, like, you lean and it feels like, a little, like, good enough, then, like, take a step, and the next time you take a step, then you understand more and you train yourself more. But it's like trying to, like, deadlift 300 pounds when you're deadlifting the first day, like, it's okay. Like, you're still deadlifting. Lift your 50 pounds or whatever it is and be okay with that for today and the next time it'll be stronger. The next time it'll be stronger, but the little ones are still important, they still matter. And. And it's hard. Like you might really think when you're making a decision, you have no idea. Just make it, reflect on it, and the next one is going to be a little bit louder. Trust.

That's amazing, Mariana. Thank you. Okay, so you went to Africa, and this is the part I've been wanting to get to because I think there were a lot of lessons involved in your experience in Africa. So tell us about that.

It was amazing. So I, as I mentioned, I went over there and I actually was working as an epidemiology modeler for a university called Kuhes over there. And I was collabing with universities in the UK and basically working on this big coding model that was about simulating the Malawi healthcare system with the main goal of supporting policymakers and making decisions. So basically, let's say with malaria bed nets, like, there's an opportunity to increase the supply by 50% down the line. If we simulate it to 20, 30, 20, 50, what's that going to look like? How many lives are we going to save? How many people are going to be dead in which regions, like, model the Malawi healthcare system? So that's the work I was doing. And it was awesome to work with the team and work in that space and at the same time, some of the best parts, because that was an office job still, right? It was like 9 to 5 coding in the office technically. But my favorite parts and what I really pushed to do is like, leave the office as much as possible and explore and learn so much from the people there, which had so much to offer. So Malawi, for those of you who don't know, it's in southern Central Africa. It's the seventh poorest country in the world. And it's nicknamed the Warm Heart of Africa because people are so warm and friendly with whatever they have. And I really got to live that out from the people I live with, the people in my work and everything in between. So people always ask me, like, what did you learn? Like, what's the top thing? And the truth is, like, yes, I, I learned some things, but it's nothing that's like, going to be groundbreaking to you because we've all experienced it. But what matters more is, like, the more you are around people that live or think a certain way, the more you embody and becoming, and that's what makes it difference. So it's like living in that Environment in like a holistic way that makes a difference. So two main things that I reflect on that really move me were like, one, the oneness and the connectedness that they live in. And two is the gratitude. So with oneness, it was very much like, nothing is mine or yours. And there's no individualistic culture. It's a lot more group. So for example, a lot of people would be like, oh, this is my brothers, is my sister. It's just that they're not blood related at all. Like, they're. We're living in a village and one family moved to the main city. And so the uncles and the aunts adopted the other siblings so they could go to a better school. But to them there's no difference if they live in the same house, they're a brother and a sister. Like, there's no mind in yours.

Like Cuban cousins here in Miami.

So that was really powerful.

Like, and nobody's better than anybody, huh? Nobody is above anyone. It's just one.

It's one. And people are so generous with the little they have. So, for example, like, there's even a hunger season in Malawi, which is between the time that the crops are harvested and the time that the next crops are ready. So it's like this in between period. And during that time, the guards that were working the university that I'm in, a lot of times they don't have food to eat. And the little food or money that they have, they would give it to their kids. And even when I, like sat with them in the fire outside, like to like, talk about, talk to them and practice my chichewa, the language over there, they would always offer me food with the little, little that they had. They're just so felt like, what's mine is yours, what's yours is mine. And like, very much in that mentality and you can even see it with neighbors. So, for example, I would run around the neighborhood block a lot, and all the kids, like, it was insane. It started with like one kid, then it became two, then five. The one day it was like 10 kids would run by and be like, let's make a race, let's make a race. And I would, like right when I felt like I was dying of running, like, my energy would fuel up because now I had all these kids running with me around the block. And then this kid would go with me to my workout class right after that was around the block and he would be doing the jumping jacks with me. And then he would run back home for dinner. So it's just like. It's not like, oh, this is my workout class and my run. It's like, very much like, whoever's around, join. Come on. So that was really powerful. And then the second element that I learned a lot from was gratitude. So once I was going to start eating, and I was with a co worker, and I went to take my first bite of food, and they're like, stop. I'm like, what? She's like, you didn't pray? And I was like, oh, my gosh. I felt so bad. I was like, you're right. And, like, they're just so. They're like, you. They live in gratitude.

Like, food for granted.

Yeah. Even food, like, we take so much for granted. Like, don't take your food for granted. So that was really powerful. And a lot of times when I talk to people at home, they're like, I want to go to the PC. I want to do this thing. And it's funny because when I was leaving Africa and I was talking to some of my co workers, I'm like, I'm gonna miss this. Like, what are you gonna miss about here? Like, things suck over here. Like, we want to go to the US and, like, get the jobs that you're gonna go and get now. And all these things that I'm like, wow. Like, everybody over here wants to go there. Everybody there wants to go. Like, everybody kind of wants what they don't have. And it kind of hit me. It was like, grass is greener on the other side sometimes. Like, even with a job, like, when I was, like, choosing my university or all these things, like, a lot of times I lived stuck because I felt grass was greener on the other side. Or even with my anxiety, like, I would hate on myself so much for having anxiety. Be like, if I just didn't have anxiety, like, life would be so much better. And just be, like, judging and hating, like, my current situation, when in reality, it's not like I needed to, like, overcome my anxiety forever to, like, be a happy person. It's, like, change my mindset today, wherever I am, whether it's in a box, outside, it doesn't matter. So that.

Do the best you can with where you're at.

Yeah. And I've kind of brought that back to me in Miami in a way that I wasn't living before.

Okay, so you learned oneness, you learned gratitude, and you brought that home with you. And when you came, you were no longer an epidemiology model. Like, I don't even. I can't even Say that. And you were no longer in corporate America, New York. So what happened when you got here?

Yes.

What was next? So when I got here, I was.

Very uncomfortable because I love routine and being like, okay, I'm gonna wake up and do this and that. And I decided it would be easier for me to get a job and just have a routine so I don't have to think so much. But I'm like, I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna be uncomfortable and I'm gonna expand myself, even if it's hard. So what I decided to do is one, on the side, I'm still doing some EPI modeling with the people I was with. And two, I dove a lot deeper into the life coaching world. While I was in Africa, I joined the faith based coaching academy because it was kind of a transition from my coaching with Betsy and that was amazing. And from there I experimented with getting a client. And two, and that was so powerful because I love the impact I could have. One on one, I wanted to continue to work in that space. So when I got home, I continued to kind of pursue that. So I now I'm a life coach.

And who do you help as a life coach?

I love helping young adults who are seeking fulfillment both in terms of understanding one, what it even means for them in their life and two, how to attain it.

So how can they find you?

So they can find me on Instagram. I post on Maddie's Reals M A R I S R E A L s so it's a twist on Insta reels and me being real.

Oh, I like that. You being real. Yes. Okay. So if you are looking to experience success in the form of fulfillment as opposed to just checking off boxes, if you struggle with anxiety and feel like you're stuck and you can't reach the dreams and the goals that God has created you to feel experience. She's your girl. Please reach out to her. I promise you she's going to blow your mind with her wisdom and support you tremendously. Thank you, Mariana, for being here with me. I love you and I'm so, so proud of you.

Thank you.

So proud of you. So know that peace can exist inside the process. You don't have to change everything for everything to change. Purpose emerges from being curious and open and hungry like Mariana was. So. So as. As you grow in faith, as you allow yourself to disidentify from who you've always been the things that don't serve you anymore, allow this. Say this. Yes. One moment at a time. So that you may also experience fulfillment and the peace that surpasses all. Understand?