How Do I Surrender? - #24

You don't need to wait till you have the thing that you desire so that you can be happy. Surrender allows you to be happy right here, right now, wherever you're at. I just went through a one year remodel, and if you have ever done construction in your house, if you're in the construction field, you. You know that it can be very frustrating. You work hard to do everything on time, to have the answers, to make the decisions, to hire the people to do the thing. And in the end, you really can't control much of it. You know, the inspection didn't pass, the permit wasn't approved, the contractor left you hanging or changed the price. They opened up the house and they realized there were a lot of surprises. So now it's going to cost you. X is going to cost you ten times as much. There's so many things that come up that we cannot control. And I can't help but feel that life is very similar. We plan, we do the thing, we follow the rules step by step, we do the work, and then we don't always get the outcomes that we desire. So what happens when you've done all the work, all the things, when you've shown up, when you've been consistent, when you've done the right thing and you still don't get the outcome that you worked so hard for, what do you do next? You surrender. And by the way, if you want to surrender before you get there, you can save yourself a lot of drama and struggles. So the invitation to surrender is not just when you've done it all and you're so overwhelmed and you're frustrated. The invitation to surrender starts now. And we learned two weeks ago in this podcast that surrender is not inaction. It's not not doing anything. Surrender is guided action. It's tuning in with the Holy Spirit, the indwelling God that is within you and listening for guidance, for clarity, for direction. So let's talk a little bit about what is and what is not. Surrender so that you can gain clarity and then we can all be on the same page. Surrender is not giving up. Oh, I surrender. I give up. No, no, no, we're not giving up. We are pushing through with faith and trust. We're not doing it our way. We're doing it by trusting in God. We're doing it by having faith in that which we cannot see. Surrender is not paralysis, doing nothing, inaction. It's guided action. Surrender is not denial. Living in your own world, like, oh, my goodness, she says, like, oh, everything is in God's. Hands. Because some people do use it that way. Some people are like, oh, it's in God's hands. And they, they have nothing to do with it. You have everything to do with it because God is guiding you. So you are the vessel, like you are. You are the one carrying the wisdom of God within you. So it's not denial, it's not living in your own world. It's radical acceptance. It's the opposite of denial. When you accept that you have all the power in the world because you have the power of controlling what you think, how you feel, what you do, you have that power. And when you accept that you are nothing, that you are powerless without the God within, without the source of that power, when you radically accept that you are both powerless without God and all powerful with him, you realize that there's nothing you can't do. If God is calling you to do something, to be someone, it is possible for you because you're tapped into that inner strength, inner guidance, inner wisdom, that is the Holy Spirit. So it's not denial, it's radical acceptance of your power, which only comes when you're attached to divine and powerlessness when you are on your own. Surrender is also not victimization, it is accountability. So rather than be like, oh my goodness, I'm powerless. I don't have any power over the outcome, so yeah, I have to surrender. You know, it is what it is. I can't make decisions, I can't do anything because it's whatever God wants and the poor guy gets all the blame. It's not victimization, it's accountability. It's like, God, what are you wanting to teach me with this? How are you wanting to free me from this thing that's no longer serving me? It's like, own it, that experience that you're going through. Like, what if the wisdom within you is the one that attracted and created that possibility? What if you're where you're at because this is meant to build you up and to create or allow you to become the person that God truly created you to be. Assume it, own it, take accountability for that. And surrender is the way of saying, like, God, I don't know. In my limited human mind, I don't know what you're wanting to teach me with this. I don't know how this is serving me. And by the way, that's a promise in Scripture. All things work for the good of those who love him. Anything that you're going through is meant to support you, to elevate you, to do you good. So if you believe that, and if you declare that you're a person of faith, then assume responsibility for this situation you're in and trust that it is meant to make you better. So don't be a victim. Be accountable, be a victor. Like, own it. And then surrender so that you may be like God. Show me the way. Because in my limited human mind, I cannot decipher it on my own. I don't get it. I don't get it. When I lost Fofi, I just didn't understand why God didn't intervene to save her. I did early on believe that she. He didn't do this to her because, like, death doesn't come from God. Evil doesn't come from God. Pain doesn't come from God. God is the source of good. God good is God with two O's. So I understood that. I knew that to be truth. He didn't do this to my daughter, but he allowed it. He could have intervened and prevented it from happening. So early on I was like, why? Why would you do this? And at some point in my journey of going from victim to accountable, from like, wanting to understand and control things that are just mysterious and bigger than me, to be capable of deciphering with my human mind. When I surrendered, my question shifted to, how are you wanting to elevate my life with this? What are you wanting me to do with this? And it turns out he had big plans. I get to embody hope for people who are in the midst of pain. Not because I studied in books and I got a doctorate in psychology, but because I be it. Because I was in pain, because I. Because I see you, I understand you. And now you believe me because I was there. And now I'm in the peace that surpasses all understanding. And I'm in the joy that depends not on external circumstances like my daughter making it move from victimhood to accountability to ownership through surrender. Just trusting that all things happen for the good of those who love him. Surrender is also not the outcome or the destination. We think like, oh, I just need to, like, you know, like, arrive at surrender, and then everything will be okay. Surrender is the path. Surrender is the journey. It is through surrender that you arrive at the destination of peace and joy and healing and strength and greatness. Surrender is the journey you can experience. Be surrender now. You don't have to wait. It's not an outcome. It's a path. It's the journey. Surrender is also not limbo or uncertainty. You know how people are like, oh, my gosh I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know if, you know, like, when I was in the middle of waiting to see if my daughter was going to make it or not. Like, surrender wasn't like a punishment. Like being limbo, being uncertain, Being like. Like not knowing, feeling like you can't control anything. When you are in surrender because you don't know how to solve the problem that you have in front of you. You are. You're not. You could. You could understand it as living in uncertainty and limbo. And like. Like, it's like a very uncomfortable place to. To be because you don't have answers and you don't have. You feel like you don't have control. Or it could be what surrender truly is. The space of limitless possibilities. Think about it. If you don't have an answer, if you don't have a specific answer or result or outcome, then you have access to all of them. Limitless possibilities. But the mind, as I've shared in previous podcasts, is wired to look at the negative. So the mind immediately goes for, like, what if it's the worst case scenario? What if a bomb's going to explode? What if everything's going to come crashing down? What if I'm going to experience the greatest success of my life? What if this loss becomes my greatest blessing? What if I get to achieve my greatness and live in purpose? What if I succeed? When you are uncertain, when you don't have the next step, when you are in limbo, you are in the zone of limitless possibilities. So instead of freaking out, like we recovering control freaks, do we get to be excited? Like, surprise, surprise, surprise. Like, what surprise does God have in store for me in this space of limitless possibilities? What are the sor precitas? I remember when I came to the conclusion that, like, I was interpreting uncertainty and limbo as something negative because I felt like I didn't know and couldn't control it and oh, my goodness, I have no power over this. When I realized, like, wait a minute, I love surprises. Love surprises. So when it's my birthday or it's Mother's Day and I see that my husband and my kids are, like, talking to each other and being all secret, like, having secrets among each other, I'm like, I get excited. I don't know. I'm in limbo. I'm in uncertainty. I don't know what they're planning, I don't know what they're gonna do, but I know it's my birthday. And I know they love me. So I assume that what they're planning is something good for me. And I get excited and I enjoy the anticipation. Why don't I do that with the uncertainties of life that God allows so that he can surprise me with amazing opportunities? With gifts, we get to keep our eyes on the giver of gifts at all times. But when we're too focused on knowing what the gift is or the lack thereof, we lose sight of the giver of the gift. So surrender is not limbo uncertainty. It's the space of limitless possibilities. Surrender is also not anxiously waiting. Okay, I'm in surrender. So like I'm just waiting to see what is going to happen with my kid or which school I'm going to choose for my child or like I'm waiting to see what college is going to accept me. And I'm waiting to see if God has some guy like that I can date and eventually like marry and have a family and children with. We think that surrender is like anxiously waiting for when God wants to surrender is peacefully, joyfully waiting for the surprise. Surpresita. When you are in surrender, you just, you like expand and open up your container to fit in whatever graces and gifts and blessings God has in store for you. Sol precitas surprises. So surrender is not anxiously waiting. It's peacefully, joyfully, like excitedly awaiting for the surprise. Surrender is also not giving up control. Surrender is consenting to God's control over your life. And by the way, may I say that the main reason surrender is not to give up control is because you never had it. We feel anxious because we are wanting to control that which we never had power over. Surrender is consenting to the presence and action of God within you so that he who had the control all along now can have permission to enter and do his thing. So surrender is like have your way with me Lord. I'm yours. I'm yours. Come right in, do your thing. Do you think it's possible for you to fail if the one guiding you and quote unquote controlling everything in your life is God? Can you imagine, can you imagine the possibilities for your life? Your dreams, my friend, they're itty bitty tiny little dreams compared to the dreams God dreams for you. Quick interruption just to remind you that God is calling you to greatness to live in your purpose, to leave a legacy. And you get to do that at the Faith Based Coaching Academy. So. So go to faithandgrowth.com and gift yourself this Christmas the gift that keeps on giving. Now back to the episode. Surrender is not letting go of what's ours. I'm having to let go of this relationship. I'm having to let go of my daughter. My daughter. Surrender is awareness that everything we have, God gave us. So we're not letting go of anything because it wasn't ours anyway. It was a gift that God gave us. And the Lord giveth, but the Lord also taketh when it's time, and he knows best. Surrender is not letting go of confidence. Like, oh, I can't trust myself anymore, so I'm just gonna surrender because clearly it hasn't worked out very well for me, so I'm just gonna stop believing in myself. Surrender is strengthening your confidence because now you're including the boss, the man, like, the one who really knows. So it's not letting go of your confidence, like, really, like, when you're. When you're confiding only, like, in yourself. Like, it's like an I got this kind of thing. So surrender is not. I got this. Surrender is. We got this. Surrender is understanding that your confidence comes. Your strength comes from the source of wisdom. Strength, power. Surrender is not ceasing to work hard or hustle. Like, let me not hustle anymore to create outcomes. When you surrender, you only do, intentionally do what God is guiding you to do. You don't do all the extra things that burn you out, that exhaust you, that deplete you. So you get to do it with joy. You get to do it more effectively and with a lot more clarity. Surrender is not fear based, my friend. I'm going to surrender because if not, things are not going to go well, and then it's going to be worse. And Betsy says that I should surrender because surrender is the way. But so. Yes, yes, yes. Okay, okay, Got it. I surrender. I surrender. Surrender is faith based, not fear based, like God. This whole time I've been trying to do this on my own, and I now realize, like, you got me. I trust you. I know your plans for me are better than my own. I know that all things work for the good of those who love him. And I love you, Lord. So I'm just going to surrender this to you and trust that it'll be amazing. Sol precita. Surrender is not giving up on your dreams. Surrender, my friend, is living the dreams God dreams for you. And when you do that, life becomes heaven. You don't have to wait to die and go to the sky. And then St. Peter is there as a bouncer on the door, deciding whether you go in or not. You create Heaven on earth. Because when you surrender, you, you consent to God's presence and action within you. So you become one with God. And that's ultimately what heaven is. I don't. Well, I've never been to heaven. I'm not sure. The way I see heaven is not as a place that you arrive at and then St. Peter is there as a bouncer. To me, heaven is a state of being. And when you're in union with God, when you're one with God, when you're surrendered and you're letting him take control over your life, you're happy, you're in heaven, you have peace, you're aligned, you feel joy, you're attractive. And guess what happens when you're attractive? You're like a magnet. So you attract and you open up to receiving all the graces and outcomes and results you've been desiring for this whole time. So success happens at the speed of surrender. The sooner you surrender, the sooner all of the dreams that your heart desires because God put those dreams in your heart, they're fulfilled. You get to experience them in your physical reality. But know that you don't get to decide when and how that you surrender. You only connect, show up, do the work that you need to do to become one with God. So that is why that's what surrender is and what surrender is not. I hope that it's created some clarity. Now let's talk a little bit about why is surrender important? Number one, surrender commands connection. Because it's a path, it's a journey. Like the only way that you can truly experience surrender is by connecting with God. So now it's not just like, oh, I'm surrendering so that I can attract and manifest the outcome that I desire. Now you're getting a more important outcome, which is that relationship with God. You feel inspired, you feel connected. Maybe, maybe you read scripture on a daily basis and you know, like scripture is like the life giving word of God and you feel his presence or whatever your prayer format or silence practice is, that is a way of connecting while you're in pursuing surrender, which ultimately is not something you pursue as a destination, but the journey number two. In addition to commanding connection, like, you know, inspiring you to create, build a relationship with God. Surrender also reveals the path and influences the destination. I don't remember if it was from Richard Rohr that I heard this, but I heard this quote that said something along the lines of the path you take determines where you arrive. So if you, if you, but if you surrender, if you give God Power over your life because you have free will. You he, he needs your permission. You are. The process of surrender will reveal the path, it'll reveal the guidance, but it will also ultimately these determine the destination. Because think about it, let's say I want to make more money and I do so by selling to people in a way that's out of integrity. And I just want to make money and I don't care if I really serve them or not. So I'm going to sell ice to an Eskimo even though the Eskimo doesn't need ice. And I'm going to do all these things. Well, that pass may lead you to create some wealth, but it's going to look very differently than if you trust God and you sell only what you know is going to elevate the person that you have in front of you and support them and bless them deeply. If when you're sharing about the product or service that you're inviting them to consume, you do so with integrity, with the best interest of the client in mind. With love, like you just, you cannot allow yourself not to sell it to them because you know how much it's going to bless them. And then you have all the patients in the world. You're not pressuring them to fulfill a quota like that. You want to make a certain amount of sales or a certain amount of money that month. You're doing it because you desire to create an impact in that person and because you feel guided by the Holy Spirit to bless that person with that which you have to offer when you do it from that place in surrender, the destination, the outcome is going to look differently. In the first example, that person may also create wealth and have the clients that they wanted to have. And maybe the two initial outcomes look a little bit the same. Like they have 10 clients that they onboarded and they made $10,000. And it looks like the same. But the first person who did it out of integrity and to fulfill his or her own needs, their clients are not going to recommend to others. They're probably going to get really bad reviews. It's not going to be an enjoyable experience. It may even affect your confidence because people don't think that this was any good. All these things may happen and that ultimately does not build up the business or the wealth long term. But the second example, maybe they even take longer. Maybe the original result is not 10 clients, it's five. But because they're showing up with so much love and intention and care, their clients are happy and they're Referring left and right. And the reviews are off the charts. And this person ultimately builds a kingdom, build an empire, because the way you show up through surrender determines the destination. Ultimately, the path you take determines where you arrive. Surrender is also important because it strengthens your faith. It just. It forces you to live it. You cannot be in surrender and not trust. You get to truly let go of your human limitations and just receive and tap into your strength, your power, your limitlessness, which comes from the source of infinite possibilities within which is the Holy Spirit. When you surrender, it's also important because it provides freedom. True freedom is not doing whatever the heck you want with whomever and just having your way or the highway. True freedom comes from being holy, from doing the right thing, from being in alignment with the person God created you to be. You're free when you're free from worldly programming because the world says that to be successful you need to make X amount of money and you can be happy wherever you're at. That's true freedom. You don't have to be limited by the worldly programming, the overwhelm, the hustle, the expectations. You get to answer just to the one person who matters. And I say person, but, you know, however you see God, I personalize God a lot because it just. I love people, so it just helps me connect with him in special ways. But you may see God as an energy, you may see God as a father, you may see God as a force, as the universe, whatever works for you, respond only to that power, that energy, that goodness, that father, that love that is God. And lastly, surrender is important because it sparks joy regardless of the circumstances. You don't need to wait till you have the thing that you desire so that you can be happy. Surrender allows you to be happy right here, right now, wherever you're at. So that's why it's important. Now, how do I surrender, I think is the most important question for this podcast. Well, surrender has a few steps, I would say. First, you set an intention, like, lord, I'm struggling with this situation and I have no peace. So maybe your intention is peace. Or this problem in my relationship has gotten like the worst out of me and I feel like I'm not being a good Christian or the best version of myself, and I'm not being graceful. So. So maybe your intention is grace. I had a client who was going through a divorce and she had been cheated on, she had been betrayed, and her intention for her divorce was grace. Lord, allow me to be grace. May I not speak ill about the Kid's father to the kids. May I be able to hold this secret as to why we're getting a divorce to protect his integrity and grace. She was so set an intention because ultimately, because we have free will. God is like a gps. And in a gps, if you think about it, you need to enter the destination and then God, the guide, it takes you right, like, turn, left, turn right, recalculating, Make a U turn. So we get to. In communion with God. I always invite God to help me set my intention. I'm like, God, I think what I need is freedom, which is what I shared about in. In two weeks ago in our pocket in the podcast. So my intention was freedom two years ago when I was going through all the difficulties with my business. Your intention can be peace. It could be grace, it could be surrender. You could. You could surrender your intention of surrender. So set an intention, enter the address, the destination. It could be Joy. I had one, one student who set as her intention Joy. And she was going through a lot. Her mom was ill, she had Alzheimer's, and she was just going through a lot of things and a lot of transitions in her life, and she wanted to be happy amidst everything that she was going through. So her intention was Joy. You set an intention, you enter the address, and then you detach from the outcome. Now, when we set an intention, when I said, I want to be free administratively, financially, and then terms of. In terms of time in my. In my business, that was like. My vision was like, I have free time. I have more money in my business account that I know what to do with. And that looked like always having, like six figures in my account, no matter if it was payroll, if it was, you know, if I had to pay the credit cards. So I had a vision of what this looked like, and that vision supported me as a human. To believe it, to feel it, to be it, even before I had, was a really beautiful experience. But I wasn't attached to it, looking the way I thought it needed to look. And that's part of the surrender process. So you set an intention and you have a vision as to how you're going to get there and what that's going to look like and who you're going to share it with. And that's important. It's a very powerful psychological tool. But you surrender the outcome by knowing that that vision is there to inspire you. But whether it looks exactly like that or not, you trust and know that it will be good, because all things work for the good of those who love him. So set an intention, detach from the outcome, and then take guided action. So when you're connecting with God regularly and you're spending that time in silence, you listen. And if God says, turn left, you turn left, you obey. And if he says, recalculating, make a U turn, and you keep on going because you think that's the best route. Recalculating, make a U turn. And those recalculating, make a U turn signals are like when. When you keep trying something and it just doesn't work. It doesn't work, or it feels heavy and it depletes you. And it's like. It's like, you know, like you're. Like the universe is conspiring against you. Recalculating, make a U turn. You're forcing a relationship. You want it to work. You go to a therapist, you talk. You could talk about it. You imagine it. You go on a trip, you. And it's just not working. Recalculating, make a U turn. Take a moment and sit with God and see what he's guiding you towards. And by the way, and we talked about this in the podcast where we talked about discerning between the voice of God and the voice of the mind, we attribute meaning to the things that God puts in our heart. So maybe God gave you guidance to do something, to date someone, to go somewhere, to hire someone, or, you know, he gave you that guidance and you gave it the meaning that that was going to be it. But maybe that was just a stepping stone. So listen for guidance all day long, every day, step by step. Number three. So, number one, set an intention. Number two, detach from the outcome and use the vision only for inspiration and to stay in faith and hope. Number three, guided action. Take guided action, so you must always be connecting with God. Number four, practice the three S's. Silence, solitude, stillness. And there's a podcast that speaks about finding God in silence. And to me, it's the most powerful prayer and spiritual practice. When you sit in silence, you calm down all the noises and the voices and all the loud screaming, like aggressive voices of the world. And then you're able to listen to the soft, loving, caring, kind voice of God. So practice silence. I think that's a very important process in surrendering. Number five, end your day with any practice that allows you to build awareness. The one that I always recommend is examine the consciencia by Saint Ignatius, a conscious examination, which is a way of. Every night, you take a moment of silence, you invite the Holy Spirit in, and you replay your Day. You imagine your day from when you woke up and then you left the house and what do you do and how did you feel and what happened and who did you see play your day? And you look for three things. Number one, where was God? What were the blessings, the gifts? I've spoken about this in other podcasts, so I won't spend too much time here. Number two, you look for ways in which you were your best self. You successful. Like, oh, I did great in this. I didn't, you know, I was graceful. I didn't react by screaming at my kid. I. Right. Like, in which ways were you your best self? And in which ways, number three, were you not your best self? Right? And in the case of surrendering, if what you're surrendering is, let's say, love, right? Like you have been trying to meet people and find the love of your life, if that's what you're surrendering, then when you're practicing the exam in the consciencia, maybe you acknowledge, like, oh, my goodness, I felt loved during the entire day. Maybe not by the person I want to feel loved by and be happy with, and. But I felt loved, like, and you're able to find God and. And see how you were. You were trusting, and that was the. The way in which you were. You were your best self. And then you realize, like, oh, I spoke to my friend that I usually talk about this topic, and I reverted back to my old ways of thinking, like, oh, I'm never gonna find love, and this is really never going to work out, right? So you also discern in which ways you haven't been your best self. So explore your day in hindsight so that then you can create more awareness in real time. Awareness is a way of connecting with the wisdom of God. Because when you open your eyes to things that are not physically palpable, right? Things that can't necessarily be seen with eyesight or with experience with the senses, that then you see the limitless possibilities. And that awareness leads you to do unconventional things that you otherwise. Otherwise wouldn't try because you believe and you trust and you're guided. So awareness is a very powerful part of surrender. And lastly, and probably most importantly, open your hands. When you surrender, you open your hands. You live with your hands open. What that means is that you understand that everything God gives you is a gift, and you open your hands to receive the gift. Because let me tell you, if you're searching for love, whether it's in the current relationship that you're in or a new Relationship. Maybe you have your fists clenched and you. You cannot receive the love that people are trying to give you. You're blocking it. So living with your hands open means that in surrender, you say, give it to me, baby. Lord have your way. Give me the gift. I'm open. I'm expanded. My container is big enough to fit the graces, the blessings that you cannot wait to give me. Because there's a saying that says, God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. And immediately we think like, God doesn't give you a cross bigger than you can carry, but God doesn't give you anything that you can handle. And if you cannot handle grace's love, blessings, help. If you can't handle all the gifts that he has in store for you, he can't give it to you because you don't want to receive it. Not because he doesn't want to give it to you. He's dying to give it to you. You just don't have your hands wide open to receive it. So keep your hands open to receive God's gift. But, my friend, that also means you keep them open to let him take those gifts away when the time comes. So what happens is that when it's about receiving, sometimes we're like, okay, okay. I can get used to surrendering and, like, living with my hands open. And, you know, it's like a little kid, we give them a candy, and they clench their fists and they put them on their chest and they clench them against their chest, and they're like, okay, okay, this is mine. This is my candy. Mio. It's Mio. Mio, Mio. We do that with our kids. That gave me four beautiful children. And I clenched my fist and I clenched them against my chest, and I'm like, oh, okay, this is Mio, my son, my daughters. Mio, Mio, Mio. And then it was time for one of them to leave, and I didn't want to open that and for God to take her. And that hurt. That hurt. Because what happens now is that it's time for him to take the gift, and now he has to, like, force your hands open because you're not letting him take it with ease. We attach to things. We attach to people. We create idols. That's ultimately what creating idols is. We create idols of things that are not God. We identify, attach with the gift rather than the giver of the gift. So living with your hands open means that you are receiving everything God wants to give you, and you're letting him take everything that it's time to take away. Surrender is living with your hands open. So are you my friend, ready to surrender? Are you willing to live the dreams God dreams for you by letting him take the wheel, Letting him be your gps. Recalculating. Make a U turn. That's it for today's episode. I loved, loved, loved spending this time with you. So thank you for joining me. If somebody came to mind while you were listening, bless them with this episode, send it to them. And if you you may please subscribe and leave a review. Those are really helpful to help us spread the message. And if you want to grow in faith and wisdom, join me @faith and growth.com. thank you for spending this time with me. Love you. Bye.