How To Hack Your Brain To Stop Scrolling | 30

As soon as we feel bored, we go into the phone. As soon as we feel uncomfortable, we go to the phone. As soon as we feel sad, we go to the phone. We go to get that. Maybe, maybe this will make me feel well or better. You know, what's going to make you feel better? To feel. Once upon a time, I would go to doctor's appointments, and while in the waiting room, I would actually have conversations with the people next to me. Can you imagine that? I recall having meaningful, deep, intimate conversations with old ladies, my viejitas, who would tell me their entire life story in a few minutes and share their wisdom so generously and openly. When I do that nowadays, my kids look at me. If they're with me, like, mom, do you know them? Like, you're crazy. Shut up. Like, what are you doing? Because really, what they've seen me do is be on my phone. It's what I do when I'm at a doctor's appointment or, you know, waiting in the waiting room. I'm also quick to reach for my phone when I'm in a traffic light. And my daughter, who, my youngest, who thinks she's the voice of my consciousness, and God bless her for it, she reminds me, like, mom, no phone. I'm like, but we're in a stoplight. I'm not driving. She's like, no phone. Because I've told her to be. To, like, help me be a better person and make sure that I. I don't get distracted with the phone. Not that I would ever do that. Right? Just like you, you would never do that either. So we reach for our phones every moment, second of stillness that we have. There's no more elevator pitch because nobody's willing to listen or speak. While you're in an elevator, you're on your phone. You're on the phone all the time when you're walking, when you're, when you, when you're waiting, when you're still, when. When you're working. Like, we're constantly on our phones, not to mention emails. Like, I find myself coming to my office and being intentional about doing deep work and focused work. And as soon as I sit in front of the computer, instead of opening the documents that I'm going to be working on, I go to my emails to get my little hit of dopamine and make sure that I, like, you know, I get that in, like, what messages do I have? Like, what do I need to. Who do I need to respond to? And everything seems urgent and for now. But what's urgent is not necessarily important. And we have forgotten that just because somebody emails us doesn't mean we have to email back immediately. Just because somebody calls doesn't mean that we have to answer at that moment. Just because someone texts doesn't mean that we have to drop everything and respond to that text. I know my kids are amazed when I actually follow my own advice and don't respond with urgency. If I understand that what I'm doing at the moment, being with them, being present with them, is more important. We do this all the time. And last week we talked about manifesting the life God dreams for you. And one of the things that prevents us from manifesting are obstacles. And one of those obstacles is being too addicted to social media. And by the way, I'm saying social media just because it's an easy and popular term to focus on. But it's the device. I don't scroll in social media. I don't really do much of that. I don't consume social media. So for me it's the emails and the text messages and the whatsapps and the messages that come in from people talking to me, reaching out to me through my social media. But for some of you, it may be scrolling, it may be doing research or being on Google or ChatGPT, or just spending countless hours on your device. And if your goal for this year is to build and nurture relationships, if your goal is to step into your purpose and use your God given gifts to help others and elevate humanity, if your vision for this year is to become a better version of yourself by I am sure that spending all the quiet time or the extra time that you have on the phone on social media, scrolling is not going to get you there. So today I want to talk to you about this addiction that we have collectively with our phones, with our electronics, gaming, like whatever your thing is, we are all addicted to it. I have family members and clients and people I love who have experienced addiction to drugs, drugs and alcohol and even porn. And it's so interesting because we frown upon them. But the truth is I am just like them. And maybe there's something about you and them that is also similar. An addiction is when we engage in patterns of behaviors unconsciously. We have to do it to find some relief because somehow our nervous system has believed that it depends on it. And in order to continue we need to engage in these sometimes harmful behaviors to feel like we're okay, like to feel that relief and, and usually that comes from in our brains. You know, I love to combine psychology with spirituality. So I love to explain everything in the light of psychology. And what's happening in our brain is that the dopamine, which is one of the feel good hormones, is operating. So let me, let me tell you about dopamine because I think it's very misunderstood. We usually think about four main feel good hormones or neurotransmitters, and those are dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, oxytocin. Right? So endorphins are like physical relief. That's what you experience when you work out. Serotonin is like well being and like, you know, like that sense of like, oh, I'm good, I feel good. Oxytocin is more about connection and bonding. So you experience it or you get a shot of it. When you do acts of kindness, when you receive a hug, when you're making love, when you, even when you give birth, you experience a shot of oxytocin because there's like that deep feeling of connection. And then dopamine is not really rooted in pleasure. Like dopamine is not a chemical of pleasure. Dopamine is a chemical of hope, of possibilities, looking forward to anticipation, motivation. So we think a shot of dopamine is like, oh, like every time I smoke I feel really good or every time I drink, like, you know, people who have those kinds of addictions. I feel really good. Every time I get a like or I see a notification on my phone or I get that you've got mayo, you feel good. No, no, no. It's not the feeling of pleasure or the, of joy that it's associated with, although it partakes in that process. Dopamine is a chemical of, of maybe. It's not the one that says like, ah, this feels so good, right? Like those, that's more serotonin, endorphins, oxytocin. It's not like, ah, this feels so good. It says, oh, maybe I'll get a good news when I, when I, when I read that email. Maybe I'll have a like or a comment or a message when I open social media. Or maybe there will be a possibility for me, maybe I'll feel better and I'll, you know, I'll be able to numb, numb these emotions. Maybe, maybe, maybe. So when we're addicted to scrolling to content, we're not really addicted to content. We're addicted to possibilities. Like, what if I get a message that I needed to hear? What if? Maybe, maybe, maybe. What if? What if? What if? It's more rooted in uncertainty and it's more Rooted on it being unpredictable. In fact, something we know about addiction is that when. When the results are unpredictable, then you get more of a craving. Because then it's that dopamine hit of like, maybe, maybe this time it's if you go to Vegas and you're playing in a slot machine, it's like, maybe I'll win. And usually you could win one time. You could get a good enough one to continue playing, or maybe you lose, but you almost made it. So there's always that feeling of like, I need more. I need more. I want more. And that's why dopamine is so dangerous and so beautifully powerful. Because if you live in hope, in possibilities, in excitement, in anticipation and motivation, in seeing, taking the right thing, then dopamine is your best friend. But if you're just being mindless and instead of being conscious, you're being compulsive with the way you engage with dopamine, then it's very dangerous. And I think that's what hap. That's what's happened to us with social media, me included. I am not proud to say that. My kids have told me many, many times, like, mom, mom, mom, like, mom, can you stop with your phone? Mom, can you please listen? And me with my stupid excuse of like, no, it's that this is my work and I need to, like, check the messages and schedule the appointments and do the thing with all my quote unquote valid excuses. I justify it. But ultimately I'm not being present and my relationships matter to me, as I'm sure they matter to you. So let me explain how this works so that you understand that it's not that you're defective. It's not that there's something wrong with you. It's that we're trained to be and do this way by our own brains. So we get to outsmart the brain by understanding how it works and use it to our advantage and with intention so that we may manifest and create the life that God created us to live. So dopamine is a chemical of maybe it's that. Like, that, like, ooh, maybe something's going to come up that's good. It's the chemical of hope. It's not the one of joy and pleasure. Okay, so dopamine is not this feels good. Dopamine is like, oh, maybe I'll encounter something that feels good. Okay, so there's. That's why it's so addictive, because it's like, oh, what's coming? What's coming? And it's very Informed by predictability. Because if you always get the same exact result, then the brain gets bored and it's like, oh, whatever, what's new? But when you open social media and you get like a nice comment, oh, you look so beautiful. Oh, I love you so much. Oh, this is amazing. You get like, now you get the hit of serotonin, be like, oh, that felt good, right? But the anticipation that you've got mayo. If you're super young, you don't even know what I'm talking about. But like those little notifications and pop ups, that is like, oh, if I open it, I may get something good or I may get the thing that I need. There's always that hope, those limitless possibilities involved. And it has a lot to do with the variable rewards. The rewards are not always the same, the outcomes are not always the same. So typically when there's a variety of possibilities, then it's easier for you to engage in an addictive behavior, like looking for that big possibility that you've been longing for. So variable rewards and dopamine are very much involved in the process of becoming addicted to anything. Social media, drugs, alcohol, whatever it is that you're struggling with. Now, what happens when you are experiencing the variety of rewards and the shots of dopamine is that you are exposed to a lot of stimuli at the same time. And that leads you to reduce your tolerance for boredom, for stillness, for silence, which also reduces productivity, it reduces creativity, connection with other people, and with God, intimacy, even with yourself. You have no idea how many couples tell me that when they go to bed, he's on his phone, she's on her phone. And that's how they connect. By not connecting, they feel so deeply disconnected. And it's because they are addicted to scrolling. So there's something in psychology called attention fragmentation, which is like a, it's a cognitive state in which you're so distracted or your focus is so diluted because it's, it's all over the place. You're focusing on many different things at the same time, or you're switching back and forth from one stimulus to the other stimulus. Which is what happens with apps, right? Like when you're on your phone and you open Instagram and then you open Snapchat and then you open your emails and then you check your text messages and did somebody call me? And then you go to WhatsApp. And right. Like when you're switching back and forth same in the computer, you have all these, all these tabs open and you know you're like, you're here and you're there. Every time you switch, the brain has to accommodate. So it's. It's extenuating. It's exhausting for the brain to be in so many places at the same time. And what happens is that you're diluting your focus. My coach says diluted focus equals diluted results. So you're diluting your focus among multiple tasks and stimuli and information and applications, and that hinders your ability to concentrate. It hinders your ability to focus, to sustain thought, to do deep problem solving that require a lot more than just three seconds. Our attention span has reduced significantly when I. Oh, my gosh, she would kill me if she knew that I was telling you this. But fortunately, she doesn't listen to my podcast. But my oldest daughter is almost 7:17, and she messages her friends, like, with voice notes, and sometimes she's listening to a friend, and she won't even listen to it in 1x. Like, at least 1.5. I'm like. So when I leave her voice messages, I'm like, I know you're listening to me in 1.5, so I'm gonna make it short and sweet, right? So, like, we don't. We don't even listen anymore. Like, it's. It's. It's too boring. It's too long. It's. We don't have the capacity because of attention fragmentation, which is what happens when we are consumed by our devices. So all this is. Is playing a role in your inability to connect ever so deeply to your life, to the people around you, to your loved ones and to yourself. And. And I should say to God, because you don't have the ability to sustain focus or to be bored, to be silent, to be still. And I say you, but really the only reason I know all of this is because I experience it. So it starts with me. Now, when you engage in any mindless addictive behavior, as is oftentimes the cause, the. The challenge with social media, there's a cost. There's a cost of emotions being expressed, experienced. Like, many times we numb our emotions by focusing on something else. And it's interesting because one of the things I teach when it. When it comes to grief is to redirect whenever, like, you know, to allow yourself to feel first. Feeling is healing. So feeling is a very important part of the process of going from hurt to hope, from pain to joy. But I oftentimes tell my clients, like, okay, there's a difference between pain and suffering. Pain is inevitable, and it's healing, and it's filled with hope. It's necessary for our well being. But suffering is when we engage and dwell in that pain without hope as if it were the destination and not the path. Pain is the path to healing and joy and suffering is pain as a destination. So it's not healthy. And when people engage with or dwell in their suffering, I oftentimes tell them to redirect it. So I'll be like, hey, every time you have a flashback, every time you find yourself dwelling on this, do an act of kindness. Call somebody who shifts your mood. We look for things that shift their mood, elevate them so that they can intentionally shift from one emotion to the other. That's healthy. But what happens is that we mindlessly, unconsciously numb our feelings. So instead of sitting with them, feeling them, and then choosing to not dwell on them and redirecting, we're constantly redirecting. As soon as we feel bored, we go into the phone. As soon as we feel uncomfortable, we go to the phone. As soon as we feel sad, we go to the phone. As soon as we feel fill in the blank, we go to the phone, we go to get that. Maybe, maybe this will make me feel well or better. You know what's going to make you feel better? To feel quick interruption. Just to let you know that if you're ready to rock 2026 and you want to do that by unlocking your greatness, stepping into your purpose, leaving a legacy, making an impact, and becoming a better version of yourself, I get to support you at the Faith and Growth program. Just go to talktobetsy.com and book a call to get started. So this obsession we have with our electronics, our gaming, or whatever your thing is, numbs our emotions. And then if you don't process your emotions, they get stuck in your body. And what happens is that then you get all these body ailments or, you know, diseases or cancers and you're like, oh, where did this come from? Emotions are stuck in your body, so your organs cannot work appropriately. So it affects your health, it affects your emotions, emotion regulation, it affects your relationships, your ability to be present and intimate. I can go on and on, but I don't. If you know me, you know that I cringe a little bit whenever people are talking about how social media is terrible. Because I think social media, phones, electronics, devices, AI, I think all of that is amazing. I love it. I love it. I use my phone as a tool and it supports me deeply. It's great. For social media is the best marketing ever. And it's free. Like, I love it. I see how people use it for good and they bless one another. I love social media. I love phones. I think they're super practical and helpful. I love technology. I love artificial intelligence. And it's also dangerous. It's also dangerous to use it mindlessly. These are tools, tools that we must use and not let them use us or dominate us. So I'm telling you a little bit about the science so that you're aware and you can outsmart your brain and also give yourself some grace. You are acting the way you're supposed to. Our kids, they're addicted to their phones and Snapchat because they're supposed to. Because the dopamine is the hormone, the chemical of maybe. And they're addicted to possibilities. Like, what if somebody liked it? What if somebody commented? What if that's good? Like it's, it's how it's supposed to be. But not mindlessly, because if it's mindless, then something has power over you that is not God. And anything that has power over us, whether it's food, alcohol, drugs, phone, social media, gaming, porn, like whatever, even a person, whatever has power over us is an idol and we know better. God is our only God. So there's an opportunity for us to reflect on. How is social media serving me? What emotions am I numbing through it? Sometimes we go there because we're tired and we don't want to think, so we just want to mindlessly scroll. I know my husband always says that he loves to unwind when he comes home from work by like just watching a whatever show, that he doesn't have to think about anything and he can just laugh or something. Mindless. And it serves him. But, but what happens is that when we go into social media, like we know to do mindless scrolling to like, unwind. We're not unwinding. There's. There's attention, fragmentation, right? Like we're constantly going from one place to the other. In our, in our brains, there's engagement with dopamine without really understanding what we're doing. Like, oh, maybe the next quote is going to be the one that's very interesting. Maybe the next one is the one that's going to sell the thing that I've been looking for. Maybe the next one is going to show me what my friend is doing that you know, that I want to do too. We're. We're being mindless and yet our brains are working very hard. So that's why oftentimes you're like, oh, I'M so tired. I don't want to do anything. I'm going to get on my phone and then you're more exhausted when you're done scrolling like it didn't relax you. And by the way, something else that happens when you do that is, I don't know if you know this syndrome. It's a big psychological pathology. It's called comparisonitis. Have you heard of it? Comparisonitis. When you're comparing your. Or maybe comparisonitis, I don't know. My English is not very good looking, so maybe I'm not pronouncing it right, but the point is we often compare ourselves to the person we're looking at on social media. And I have access to things that happen behind closed doors through my private practice. And I can tell you that everything we look at on social media is not the complete truth. I don't think everything's a lie. I don't think what people are posting is not true, but it's not the complete truth. So for example, I'll give you a whole bunch of examples. Like I had a client once who was sharing how she was on social media and she saw that this husband posted a comment about his wife that was so beautiful and he was saying how his wife was the best and so amazing and he loved her and all these beautiful things about the wife and she gave her husband a hard time because he never posted about them and he never says nice things publicly on social media and he doesn't leave messages for her birthday with beautiful pictures. And I happened to know the person that she was referring to and I knew because they were also my clients, I knew that the reason that man posted such beautiful things about the wife is because they were at the verge of divorce and the wife wanted nothing to do with him and he was doing anything possible to earn her love back and her trust and love on her. So he was just publicly saying how amazing she was. But the person reading this, and I'm not saying that that's not true, he did feel that, but the reason he did it wasn't because they have such an amazing marriage and he wants to tell the world it's because of the opposite. Their marriage is falling apart and he is just doing anything at this point and that's what occurred to him. I also know about people who post beautiful stories in their socials and then they come to me and they tell me I am miserable. If anybody sees me on social media, they'll think I have the best life ever. I am miserable. I hate my life. I can't stand my spouse. I'm miserable. We're broke. Then they're traveling, doing all these beautiful things. I've heard it. I've heard it. I witnessed it. I've seen it firsthand. I am the person people go to to share their intimacies and their darkness. And these are the same people you are looking at on social media and thinking they own the world. And they're the happiest people on earth, and you want to be like them when you grow up. No, you don't. You don't. So beware of comparing yourself like, oh, these people are in, you know, traveling in North Carolina. These other people are doing all these things. Like, oh, I, you know, I wish I had the money and the means, or I wish my husband did better and was a better provider so that I could do these things. You don't know the whole truth. Don't compare yourself. That robs you of life of gratitude. We are called to live in gratitude, to be thankful for all the little things God's given us, all the blessings, all the graces. And when we're comparing ourselves and seeing what we don't have that they do or apparently do, that's robbing us of gratitude and intimacy and being centered in this. However, if you are a consciously using social media and you're using it as a tool, which is what it is, rather than it using you, then sky's the limit. Social media could be your therapist, it could be your coach, it could be your best friend, it could be your mentor. You have no idea how many people show me, like, messages that God sent them through a post on social. There's been people who tell me that something that I posted changed their lives, and I had no idea. So please understand that I love social media and I love technology, and I think it's a beautiful resource if we're mindful of how we're using it. I think it's important to understand also that one of the most dangerous parts of engaging mindlessly in any given habit, in this case particularly technology, is that because we have all those dopamine hits and it's like, oh, do this, try that. Like, dopamine creates, like, a craving. Like, I want more, I want more. Like, there's a possibility. Notice how that could be the greatest gift if you're letting dopamine guide and support you in your goal setting, you know, achieving the things that God is entrusting you with or calling you towards. But when you're mindlessly doing this, there's no Silence. There's no room for stillness. There's no quiet. You're always busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, looking for the next maybe looking for the next shot, looking for the next possibility. And what happens when there's no silence and stillness is that you can't hear. There's busyness as opposed to intentionality. There's a lot going on and then. And yet there's unfulfillment. You know, there's like the space is full with noise, but not necessarily words. And God uses words. God uses a subtle, kind voice, as I shared in episode 19 of discerning between God's voice and the voice of the Mind. Like, God's voice is kind and tender and soft and gentle. And if there's a lot of noise going on, if there's a lot of busyness, you can't hear it. So if you're looking for guidance and you just can't get the answer, it's not that God's on mute. It's not that he's not talking. It's that you haven't created the environment, the stillness, the silence that will allow you to listen to his voice. So there's that danger in staying too busy with social or whatever you feel like addicted to now. This is not about quitting social media. This is not about throwing the phone away. This is about discerning. This is about consciousness versus compulsion. This is about freedom. Because freedom is not to react. Freedom is to mindfully, intentionally respond. Freedom is not to be busy. Freedom is to be intentional about the things that you do to be fulfilled. Freedom is not about being used by the tools. It's about using them for a higher purpose. So I would love nothing more for you and myself than to be free from devices and social media. And again, that does not mean getting rid of them. That just means being mindful about them. So here are some practices that you can consider to break free from your addiction to social media, technology, devices, emails, calendar, whatever your thing is. Number one, there's an opportunity for you to define and stick to moments of fasting. So maybe some people wake up and they don't look at their phone for the first 20 minutes, and that serves them, and that helps them wake up, practice gratitude, pray, work out whatever you do in the morning as a daily ritual. It allows you to focus on that instead of getting distracted by, you know, emails, responses, or whatever. So that's one. That's one practice that you can engage with. Another one is to replace the reaching for the phone or the technology or the scrolling by a ritual or practice that you've been wanting to adopt and that you haven't gotten around to it. For example, let's say that I reach for my phone in the mornings and I tell myself like, I'm not going to look at my phone until I journal or until I do my gratitude practice or until I listen to scripture and pray. I could then substitute or replace going to the phone by the thing that I want to adopt and that helps me adopt a new habit that is actually going to be better and healthier than the one that I was used to. Or you can replace. Let's say I'm in the car and I'm in a stoplight and my first thought is like, okay, I'm gonna grab the phone. I can substitute that mindfully by breathing, exercise, affirmations. Or maybe I, you know, I want to call my mom every day. So then I decide to call, like reach for the phone, but instead of like mindlessly scrolling, I call my mom. Or in my case, what I do when I'm in a stoplight is I typically I remember like, no, leave room for stillness. So I'll take a moment of silence and focus, observe my thoughts, like focus on what I'm thinking or if I'm feeling like the desire to connect ever more deeply like at that moment, or like shift my energy, I'll put worship music and I'll just sing like a crazy person in the car. And instead of like just grabbing the phone and doing, you know, checking my emails or doing whatever I do my mindlessly. So you can replace the, the usage of technology or social or whatever it is by something that's healthier and better for you and that'll help you adopt a new habit that, that is good for you. And then lastly, there's an opportunity to use this social media technology device addiction to create awareness. And what I mean by that is that now every time you go reach for your phone, pause and reflect on what's happening at that moment. What were you feeling right before you went for the phone? Were you bored? Were you in a stoplight? Were you around people that you didn't know and felt awkward, you know, looking around, like what, what were you feeling? What was happening? So that you can start creating awareness on like what leads me to this behavior? Because that's how you live an intentional life and that's how you are able to, to co create life with God is, is with intention and awareness. So take a moment every time you're going to reach for your phone to reflect on what are you feeling right before what is happening? What are the circumstances? What are you looking for? Like, what's that shot of dopamine? And then since now you know that dopamine is not a bad thing, it's actually like, really good for achieving goals and taking risks and believing in yourself and rising up to your purpose. Like, dopamine is fantastic, right? Like, to run a marathon, to do the thing. Like, dopamine is a gift. It's when we misuse it. So now that you know how it works, use it mindfully for good. I hope this has helped you understand that you're super normal and your brain is wired to do what you're doing, which is to reach for that phone all the time. And you know there's. There's nothing wrong with you. Quite the opposite. Like, you're doing what you're supposed to be doing based on the training you've received with your brain. And you know, the way our body and our brains work with this dopamine situation. But now you get to outsmart it. Now that you know that, you get to choose how you want to allow those dopamine hits to serve you whenever you're reaching for the phone. Because it's what you do when you're bored. Breathe, call your mom. Put worship music. Be still. Observe your thoughts. Stay uncomfortable. Because in that boredom, in that silence, in that stillness, there's productivity and creativity and revelations and breakthroughs. So allow for that. I wish nothing more for you. I love you. I trust that you will mindfully use the tools that you have been blessed with to do so many great things in life instead of letting them own you and have power over you. And I. And I hope you teach this to your kids and the people around you with love and grace. Because the idea is not to judge them. The idea is to equip them with this knowledge so that they can outsmart their minds, too. I hope this serves you. I love you. I'll see you next week. Bye.