How to Navigate Divorce With Grace (Even When It Breaks You)

What if everything fell apart and somehow that opened the door to everything you never knew that you needed? Today, I am joined by Mindy Behr, who shares her journey through betrayal, heartbreak, and healing and how she found faith and love and purpose on the other side of the perfect life. Falling apart. Mindy Bear is a powerhouse with a voice that's graced radio and television. She's super famous and a story that will touch your soul. When life unraveled, Mindy found herself navigating divorce, dating in her 40s, and eventually building a big blended family full of redemption. This is a conversation about second chances, which is going to be her podcast. Coming up, Sacred pain, and how God writes beauty into every piece of your story. So help me welcome the one and only Mindy Bear.

Oh, Betsy, I'm so glad to be here. Thank you for having me.

Thank you. Thank you for being here. So, Mindy, you are a wealth of stories and wisdom, and I think you're gonna have to come back.

I would love to come back. I can be like a trilogy.

Yes, please.

Okay.

Perfect for today. I would love to hear a little bit about your story. And your story is very interesting.

It's interesting, it's titillating. It's scandalous. It's all the things. And I would like to tell everybody that the reason I know you is because I attended the Faith based. Faith Based Coaching Academy as the only Jewish person to ever have gone. And do not let faith or not faith be with something holding you back, because one of the best choices I've ever made.

Thank you. I love, like, I always wondered, like, can I hold space? Because I always say the Faith Based Coaching Academy is not about religion. It's about spirituality, the relationship with God. And when you. When you. When we got on our call, I was like, can I hold space for her in a way that honors her and honors me and the language I typically use?

And you did.

Oh, yay.

And you do. And so I think that anybody who's considering this, and I'll tell you all the reasons why you absolutely should. Faith is a huge part of my life. I'm born Jewish to Jewish parents. And just to dive right into it, my parents got divorced when I was 11. And my mother is a powerhouse herself. She was an attorney. She went to law school. There were only five or six other women in her class. I'm 60 years old. I mean, my mother, we have all stood on shoulders of women like my mother who have really been pioneering. She's incredible and beautiful. So I started a career in the radio here in South Florida, which was amazing. I used to buy under eye concealer by the gallon. I was exhausted for 15 years. And during that time, I went on a trip to Israel, a summer singles mission, because where else do you go meet nice Jewish boys, right? And on that flight, I sat next to a boy who I wound up marrying. And when we very first started dating, he told me we were gonna get married and have three daughters. And guess what? We got married, and we have three daughters. And my life really was a storybook. It still is, by the way. But that beginning part was delicious. It was romantic. He wined and dined me. We had our babies. We went away for long weekends. We traveled with the kids without the kids. We had friends who were, you know, other couples. Barbecues and birthday parties and all of those, like, suburban things. I grew up in Miami, and I live in the suburbs of West Broward. If you had told me that I would be living in West Broward, I would have fallen on the floor and died laughing. But it's one of those big surprises in life. Well, another big surprise came 12 years into my marriage when I found out that my husband, the first great love of my life, who I still love and adore and treasure, but that he had fallen in love with someone else. And the someone else was a man. I'll give you a second. One, two, three. Yeah. That was a big, big, big surprise. I was devastated. I was shocked. I was unhinged. I remember that moment. I mean, my body temperature plummeted to, like, -20. When people say they felt the world drop off from underneath you, I felt that my children were very young. They were, like, five, seven, and nine or four, six, and eight. I mean, they were little girls, and it was horrific. Now, we've all heard of so many people who come out during marriage or realize who they are, but back then, in the very early 2000s, like, no one knew. No one had heard many stories like this. And it was. It was shocking. It was horrible. I was afraid. I was scared. I was sad because I. I love him, loved him, and I. I wanted to be one of those couples that are married for 67 years and have great grandchildren and all of those things. I wanted it because I didn't have it as a kid, he didn't have it as a kid. And it was our dream together, one of our many dreams. So we stayed together for a long time, for a year, and tried to work things out. We had to know. We tried everything, and we did. And we ultimately got Separated and divorced. And I was one of the very first people of my friends to get divorced. And that sucked when people started to find out. I remember a girlfriend called the Moment after we told the kids in that hour after. And she ran over to my house and I was comforting her. Oh, Debbie, everything's gonna be okay. What's wrong with this picture? But I lived through it. I didn't have a ton of role models as to how to handle a divorce without having it turn into a vitriolic, poisonous, disgusting episode. We don't hear about a lot of positive divorces. I don't think there even is anything positive about divorce. No. Children want their parents to get divorced. And it's just a very difficult scenario. But I did my best to take care of my piece of the puzzle. And thank goodness I had chosen very well in my first marriage. Because my first husband, I call him my wuzband, was a super amazing and cooperative co partner, co parent, and best friend. We didn't have a visitation agreement. Cause he would never have been able to stick to it. His schedule is crazier than crazy. And I never said no. Why wouldn't I want my children to see their dad? So we got divorced. I don't even know how I survived. There were days I couldn't get out of bed. I certainly don't want anyone to think it was easy. Cause it was the hardest thing in the world. There were days I was furious, I was angry. I thought if I had a knife. I mean, I felt all of those feelings. I sound so calm and relaxed now. I promise you I wasn't then. But I was a woman of faith. I am a Jew. And that's always been there for me in my life. And. And I wanted my children to have what I didn't have, what he didn't have. And so they saw their life continue on in that same rhythmic, beautiful pattern. He came for dinner every week, at least once a week. One time he even called and said, what are you making? I said, whatever I'm making, you'll eat it. I mean, come on. And life continued on. But, you know, eventually I had to date. I didn't want to date. I wanted to be a nun. I wanted to be without a man ever. Because I wasn't letting myself get hurt again. Because that really hurt. But I did. I let myself date. And I had some relationships. And I had to get back in that saddle. And that sucks. I didn't like dating the first time. Now when I'm older and my boobs have relocated to a new area, you know, and then you have men that are dating, and they do have hair where they don't want it, and they don't have hair where they do want it, and everybody's just a mess. But the first few days that I went online because a girlfriend of mine shamed me into it. I was 43 at the time, and the men who wrote to me were either 23 or 73, I kid you not. And it was fun for a few hours, and then it was depressing. I thought, is this what it is? Cancel. I'm out. But then this really nice guy wrote to me, and we started chatting. And we've been married for 15 years, and he has three sons, and I have three daughters. And he is the most wonderful man. And you have met him, Betsy. He's adorable. He's a doctor. He's a gentle, wonderful, brilliant soul. And I did not think I would ever love so much and so hard again. But I do, and I have, and I am. And during the time from when I was getting divorced, getting separated, and dating, I became the de facto poster child for people around me, you know, friends of people around me. And I became like, the coach for these people who are going through divorce. How'd you do it? How'd you do it so well? How do you not kill him? Don't you want to stab him? I can't believe you have him over for dinner. You not telling the kids bad things about him. All of those things that, you know, people think. Everyone says they're going to put their kids first. Most people don't. It's very sad. And the adults are usually going to be fine, but it's the kids who pay the price. It is always the kids. So I began coaching kind of informally while I was on the radio. And I had segged that into a voice acting career, and I was, you know, pretty happy doing that. And I loved paying it forward. I love telling people, there's a life out there waiting for you that you cannot imagine. Because I never would have imagined it ever. If you had said, you're going to be happily married for 15 years, and then 30 years, you're. I would have said, oh, get out. You're crazy. What are you smoking? But it's true. And now I really had faith. My faith gave me faith, and I am a product.

I say that again.

My faith kept giving me faith. My three children were bat mitzvahed. I became very, very close to my rabbi, who was a great counselor and friend to me, always been A part of my life. And so there I am, coaching, coaching, coaching, coaching. Unofficially, unofficially, unofficially. And through a whole crazy series of events. I did some keynote speeches. I joined the National Speakers Association. I met Carolyn DePasada, who is my coach and my friend and my colleague. And I decided that I had to become a coach because I already was a coach. But I decided, even though you don't have to be accredited, because part of coaching is like the Wild West. I was married to a man who had all kinds of diplomas on the wall, and he was a doctor and all these things. And I, I believe in learning the most you can about something you're trying to do. I'm not in this to be just, okay, mediocre. So I spoke to Carolyn Goddle about coaching schools, and I found all kinds of coaching schools. They were all different price ranges. Some were six months, six years, six days. You name it, it existed. And yours was the Faith Based Coaching Academy. And it felt pretty Catholic to me. What I was looking at it, it felt, you know, very Catholic, very Christian, which is fine. We live in a Christian nation. Our country was founded by Christians. Like, I'm so good with that. But I wondered, is it gonna be comfortable? I don't know. I'm not sure. And I realized in working with you, it's another thing I so admire and respect about you. You have a PhD, not a little master's degree. I have a little master's degree, but you have a PhD and you brought 20, 25 years of that PhD psychology background into your coaching academy. And I learned about some of your story, and I learned about how you approach things, and I learned about the throng of people around you who just wanted to breathe some of the air that you breathed. And I thought, I got to see what's up with this, Betsy. And I remember speaking, and that was it. You had me at hello. So I'm now accredited with the Faith Based Coaching Academy, and you're accredited through one of the two major coaching accreditation organizations. And I can tell you it is one of the very best decisions I've ever made as. As good as I was before. I have a real life coaching diploma. I have a real life mba. I now have the tools to back up some of the experience that I've had. And there's a deeper understanding that I have, and I've met amazing people along the way, and I've gotten coached on my coaching. It's an amazing process and one that I think in hours and hours. I couldn't explain the depth of the value of it. I don't even mean the financial value because of course there's that. But these are people that I will stay in touch with. And this is an experience that will continue to be meaningful to me. I have to get home. I have three clients this afternoon. Let's go. And they're clients that are experiencing different issues. I mean, I'm 60, so the people I tend to talk to maybe are a little bit older. We always talk about toddlers and mean girls in elementary school. But some of my clients have issues with their adult children. I mean, my children are people. They're not even children. They're adults. Different issues. Becoming an empty nester. It's a grieving process. When my kids, when my final one left, I could show you the picture from that day. You would weep just seeing it. And she was going off to college. She was excited. And I look like the world is ending. I felt like the world was ending. And in many ways it did end the way I knew it. So you have to learn to get through all that and be comfortable with it. And in middle age. I decided a while ago that we're not expired milk just cause I'm not 44 and perky.

Well, thank you.

Yeah. Oh, you're. Yeah, perky.

45.

45 and Berkey. 46 and perky doesn't mean there's not unbelievable things you can do. So many great things have been accomplished. Late 50s, late 60s. We have so much creative freedom. We have so much ambition and drive. But the world tells us you're a. Has been. Your time has come and gone. You're not gonna have great love now. You're not gonna this, you're not gonna that. And I said, absolutely not. I call BS on all of that. And I went out and I grabbed it and I'm holding onto it and I had a fight to get it. And I work on it every single day.

Congratulations. You are the lucky winner of a thousand dollar credit. If you're listening to this episode the day that it was released August 19th or soon thereafter, you have the opportunity to send me an email BetsyTterwithBetsy.com and receive $1,000 credit in your enrollment at the Faith and Growth program or the life coach certification here in the Faith Based Coaching Academy for this fall 2025. So if you email before August 22nd and you enroll for this semester, you get a big time credit. You are welcome. It is time to say yes. This is your opportunity to step into your purpose and say yes to God and what he's calling you to do next. I promise you this is the answer to your prayer. This is the sign you've been waiting for. Send me an email betsyetterwithbetsy.com I can't wait to chat with you.

Bye.

So, Mindy, if. What would you say has been the greatest lessons of your life? Having gone through this journey and being here now at a place where you're in a position to support others who are where you once were.

There have been so many lessons and many of them I have learned at your feet. With you, I learned to never give up. I learned that hope, while it's important to have, is a passive thing. You have to go out and get it. You can just sit and hope all day. Oh, I hope everything works out. And I learned that I'm not too old to start something new, which is what brought me to the coaching academy. And I could have just hung a shingle and said, okay, now I'm official, I'm a coach. But I did.

Why did you not like, why did you need that certification if you are. You were already coaching people and being.

Yeah, I was already. I was already coaching. Coaching up a storm, actually. But I. I felt like something was missing and I had people encourage me, don't bother. You don't need it. People I respect, you know, not necessary. You could do like one of these little two or three day things and just slap a little accreditation on, but that wouldn't have been honest to me. It wouldn't have been what I wanted. And what I wanted was exactly what I got from you and more. And that is that very deep understanding of coaching versus therapy. And they're not opposed to each other, they're just very different. I mean, you're a clinical psychologist, but you believe in coaching. And the way you taught me to coach, the way you enriched my coaching, you know, I thought I did it to become a coach, an official coach, and I did. But what it's actually done, along with making me official, is it's made me a better listener, it's made me better at processing, and it has opened up a new world to me. I mean, the world of coaching and personal development is an extraordinary place to be, especially at this moment in time. And I'm just grateful that I got there with you. I can't imagine how superficial and BS it would have been to just go through some factory just to get a piece of paper that doesn't mean anything. Listen, we had homework, we had classes. There were so many times my husband would Say, let's go watch our Netflix show. I'm like, I gotta watch Betsy. He's like, ugh, Betsy again. But I really did love it. It was a great experience and it's not leaving me. Like, it's still with me.

Amen to that. But I want to bring it back to you. You were grace during the process of divorce. You were grace in adversity. You are grace now.

Thank you.

How did your faith contribute to you responding the way most of humanity doesn't, and especially not having a role model to look after. Like, what it, what was it?

I don't know exactly what it was, but I'll try to explain it this way. At the moment that it hit the fan, at that moment that my life changed to never be the same, I had some just very quick split second things happen. The first was it's not hard to be a good and decent moral person when the weather is good and the money's coming in and everyone's healthy. Right, let's easy, easy, you know, easy street. But when your life literally falls apart and when something that you believed was one way isn't that way at all, you really find out who you are very quickly. I think some people just give in to the easiest, most raw anger and don't ever come out of that. And that's such a shame. I was angry, I promise you, angry. But I didn't let that dominate me. And I decided that this was going to show me who I really am. And even more importantly, it's going to show my children who I am, who their father is, and what people do when they disagree. You don't have to hate the person you disagree with people. It's happening now, Republicans and Democrats, families don't talk. And Thanksgiving is like World War 3. It doesn't have to be that way. We can disagree and still care about each other, love each other. And my children have learned that better than any kids I know because their father and I are divorced. We have never had a Thanksgiving apart, a birthday apart. I talk to him every single day, sometimes not even about the kids, because we grew up together since we were in our 20s and his business was growing when we were together. I mean, we just know so much of the same stuff. And my husband Don, my cross current husband and my forever husband, he had to accept this. It's part of my package and I only would have it that way. So it's not like I thought, oh, self, let's be graceful, let's aspire, you know, let's go Read the Torah? No, sadly, that's not what happened. But I did want it to go a certain way. I didn't want it to be the way it was for me or for so many other kids. And I had the luck of having a very decent and kind and wonderful partner who was always there for me. By the way, I remember after the first hurricane that hit, when we were apart, I remember seeing him walk up the street in rain boots to check on us, and I thought, this is like. This is so incredible.

So you were able to see love and grace in him while you were angry at him?

Yes.

And you were able to appreciate and be grateful for those moments where he showed up as though he cared even though he had broken your heart?

Yes.

That's hard. That's hard, Mindy. So what was it like? What, what do you. What virtue do you possess? What gift, what strength? Like, what was it about you that allowed you to see a. Both end? A guy you wanted to stab.

Yeah.

And one that you appreciated deeply.

Well, you know, I am certainly not smarter than anybody. I am not more educated than anybody. I'm not more special than anybody. But I had a feeling and I had an idea. And listen, there were people around me who would say, you're making him dinner. I would poison him. You know, believe me, I heard that kind of thing. And I heard it all too often. I wanted my children to see their father and I, who made them, because we loved each other and we wanted a family together. I wanted them to see that we're always a family. We're still a family. We still have a group chat with just the five of us. It's called squad goals. None of my sons in law are in it. Nobody else. Just the five of us. And it's been that way for a long time. And as I did it more and more, it felt better and better. And of course, I did this through the separation, through the divorce, through dating, and he went right into his new life. But it didn't upset me. Like, that's okay. It would only be good for my children if he was good and happy. Not everybody has the kind of partner that I have in him. I mean, I'm very blessed. And I let him know how much I appreciate him and he lets me know. Not everybody has that. You can still be the best version of yourself. And even when everything around you is terrible, it's not easy. I'm not saying it is, but it's doable. Okay.

It's love. What I heard you say is love. Love is what equipped you with the strength and the grace to love your husband while you couldn't stand him? And you wanted. You wanted to stab him during the process of separation because you said, I had a. You know, you had a vision of what you wanted your. Your daughters to experience. You had a vision of what you wanted life to be. And when life did not work out that way, your vision of continuing to love your daughters and emulate for them what is love and grace and emulate for them what family is. And I know, Mindy, that your dad hasn't been a part of your life.

Right.

And it's just. I'm odd by your ability, I guess. The vision was so strong of you providing a dad, a man like a father figure for your daughters and having that deep desire fueled by love. I want to love my daughters by giving them what I didn't get to have. That love allowed was stronger than the pain, than the anger, than the resentment, whatever it is that you must have been experiencing at the time.

Once again, you have nailed it, as only you can. I would never have explained it that way, but I believe you are correct. It is love. It is loving something more than yourself, which is what having a child is. I mean, I love my husband. Don't. I don't know what my life would be without him now. I feel like I've been with him forever. But I also still feel love and kindness towards my former husband. I'll tell you something that's very true. My first husband would come over every week, usually more than once a week, but every Monday, he came over for dinner at a certain time. And in the very beginning, it was very hard because he would come, he would sit at his same spot in the table, and he knew where the mustard was, and he knew where to, you know, put stuff in the fridge. He knew that the oven was a little hot. He would help me with the grill, he knew, because that was his house, just, you know, two weeks before or four weeks before. And we would sit there, and it was so comfortable and it was so familiar, and it felt so good. And then he would go home to his new home. And it was like. It was debilitating, but I did it. And it got easier. It's like a muscle, you know, it got easier. But I. It cost me. Did it cost me? It did cost me, but it didn't cost me very much. And we had dinner as a family once a week, twice a week, whatever it was. And to this day, every holiday, every birthday, whenever they come in, because they're all grown up now. We both wanna see them. So it's not one night with him, one night with me. We try to do it all together every minute. Doesn't always work out. I mean, he's a very big business person. Whatever. Now, I have three wonderful stepsons. I have. I mean, I have children coming out of my eyeballs. And I mean that in a great way. But, you know, we're able to do so much, and we don't give ourselves the credit for it. And your description made me feel pretty proud of myself right now. But when I see who my daughters have chosen as husbands. Two of my three girls are married. They've married wonderful, kind men. And I credit my first husband with a lot of that. He was respectful.

You allowed that.

And I allowed it.

You allowed that. Yeah, Mabel did. And I want to say something because if you're listening to this episode and you're thinking, oh, you know, my partner is a church is not as kind and good a partner as Mindy's. So that's not going to happen for me. That's not possible for me. When you acknowledge that when Mindy had. Was love, a more powerful love than the pride, than the pain, than the resentment, than the ego. When you tap into that greater love, it doesn't matter what kind of partner you had, because you're going to. You're going to. Your love is going to shine through and attract him or her, that other person that is impossible to work with. You get to attract them in a way that you are irresistible. And love is irresistible.

It really is. It's truly the greatest thing there is. And when I think about my life now, looking at, you know, from 60 years old back, I wouldn't change a thing. I abso. And there have been very hard times along the way. I've missed huge pieces and chunks of the story and that that mattered. I thought the world was over and it wasn't. The things we think are emergencies usually aren't. Some are, but they usually aren't. But I wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't have not fallen in love with that incredible guy that I met on that plane. I mean, his mother and father are parents to me still. I love and adore them. I still say, my mother in law and father in law. And I, a friend of mine will go, well, you're a former mother in law. I'm like, no, no, no, no. My mother in law, my father in law. I hate saying X and I do say it sometimes, but we're still a Family. If you were married to a complete, horrible jerk, your part of the puzzle can be the best part. It's all about you. You never say a bad word about their other parent. You never do. The kids always find out, fortunately or unfortunately, but it should never come from you, ever. That's my feeling. Yeah.

Amen to that. Okay, so I know you're big on second chances, and I would love to hear a little bit about how is that playing on in this new journey that you're in where you're intentionally coaching and sharing your gifts and your experiences and your wisdom with the people who you were assigned to.

I am all about second chances, third chances, multiple chances, and my coaching, my niche, my specialty. I call it life take two. So I loved my first take. Loved it. But it had to change. I don't want it to change. It had to change. And we all need second chances. We can always reimagine, revisit. You know, if some of the dreams don't happen or they break, you know, you can have new dreams. So I call my my brand of coaching life take two. And I have a very special method in my coaching called the bra method. Like bra, like you wear a bra on your boobs. And the bra method is B for breakthrough, R for revamp, and A for attain. Because first of all, who doesn't like a good lift? We all need support. You know, it's all about the bra. But it's also because we have to break through. We have to just know that we can get somewhere that we want to be. It doesn't have to be a big change. It could be something so small and so minor that can have this huge ripple effect. So if you are one of the people thinking that your best time is behind you or you lost your great love, or your kids are gone, they're independent, they don't call so much. Whatever it is. There's so many things that happen a little bit later in life. If you've been a member of AARP for a few years now, like me, there is a whole other life out there waiting for you. I learned to play golf. I learned to play margin. I learned to play canasta. I learned to play pickleball. I did all the things that empty nesting women did, and I was still working. Those things did not fill me up. So it was being intentional about my coaching, learning about my coaching, becoming a part of the coaching academy, and now paying it back. It is the most fulfilling thing ever to think that I can help a woman going through a divorce or somebody with their adult children or. I mean, I could. The clients I have, they have all different kinds of issues, but it is the best feeling to help somebody when they're in pain and when they just can't see through the storm. They cannot see through the storm. The storm is gonna end. It'll rain again.

So there was one message that you wanted to end with for a person going through transition, whether it's empty nesting or divorce or whatever life take two looks like for that person. Because I will say life take two was. After Fofi passed for me, I. I was. I'm Betsy before and after.

Right.

So what. What would you say?

I would say the thing that I've already said, and that is there is a whole life out there waiting for you that you can't imagine. You couldn't imagine being happy without your beautiful daughter alive on earth? I couldn't imagine being happy without my husband and an intact family the first time around. I couldn't imagine living my life without my children at home and having them having to, you know, run the trains on time. I couldn't imagine all of the things. But now I don't have to imagine them. I have them. It's still hard. I still miss being a mom with little kids running around and cookies and crumbs on the floor and all of that. I miss it. You were at my house. It's pretty quiet, right? But I'm very comfortable and very satisfied and very grounded with where I am. And you can be too. There's a whole life out there waiting for you. You can't imagine.

Mindy, how can we find you so that you can help guide us on that life that we can't even imagine?

Well, I have website. It's mindybear.com b a e r. I'm on Instagram. It's indybaer. My kids are horrified by all of this, by the way I live to embarrass them. So you can DM me, you can go onto my website. I offer free consult calls. I'm launching my own podcast and I'm writing a book, kind of a self help manual when you are stuck in midlife, because so many people are. So I'll be out there. Come find me.

Thank you, Mindy.

Thank you.

Second chances. They are not just possible, they're sacred. They're there for you. They're awaiting you. Are you ready to receive them? I hope this episode was a reminder that it's never too late. You're never too old to get a lift. Lift and to just reimagine life and use your God given gifts to elevate humanity. Because all your experiences and your story are meant to help someone else. I hope this has inspired you to start something new to answer to that calling that has been nudging you and that you leave this podcast on fire. We love you. Have a beautiful day. That's it for today's episode. I loved, loved, loved spending this time with you. So thank you for joining me. If somebody came to mind while you were listening, bless them with this episode, send it to them. And if you may, please subscribe and leave a review. Those are really helpful to help us spread the message. And if you want to grow in faith and wisdom, join me@faithandgrowth.com thank you for spending this time with me. Love you. Bye.