Is your faith strong enough?

Good morning, sunshine. Welcome to the Faith and Growth podcast, the space where psychology and spirituality come together to help you rise into the person you were created to be. If you're ready to stop playing small and start living the life God designed for you, I got you. I'm Dr. Betsi Guerra, psychotherapist, speaker, and author. And I'm here to help you heal, rise, and walk boldly in your purpose. So if you're ready to do that, let's get started. My husband's parents used to have a prayer group while he was growing up. They would meet every Friday and bring all their kids, and the kids would go off to play and hang out and have fun while the parents were reading scriptures, reflecting and growing in faith and wisdom. And when I came into the picture, I witnessed firsthand the power of those prayer group sessions. I saw what they had done to my husband's family. There was this sense of love that oozed all over the community. They had built relationships that were like family and they were there for each other through thick and thin. It was. It was really beautiful to watch. And I remember telling my husband, I want that. I want what they have. So we had a conversation about it. We were just boyfriend and girlfriend, and we decided that we were going to do our own prayer group. My husband had a townhouse at the time, and it was like the cool place where everybody met for parties. And we were super cool people too. I mean, I was a sexy Puerto Rican. My husband's a handsome Cuban. We were just super cool 20 something year olds. And we had a lot of friends. We could party, we could be kind to each other, we could be generous. We were all of it. So I figured, like, people are going to be all over it when we invite them to prayer group. So I grabbed my phone, I went to my text messages, I put all the names of all our friends in a group chat, and I wrote, hey guys, do you want to get together this weekend? And everybody's like, yeah, heck yeah, let's go. I'm like, okay. So Friday at 7pm for prayer group crickets. You can imagine it's not as fun to be invited to a prayer group than it is to a party. But I am my mother's daughter and I get what I want. And when I think something's really good for you, I am going to insist until I make it happen. And then you have a choice to never come back. But once you're exposed to our awesomeness, it's just not possible for you not to want to return. So we made it happen. It was a total success. And that, my dear friend, was 21 years ago. Ever since, our prayer group has grown stronger, bigger. We've seen all of our friends get married, have kids. Like, the kids are growing, they're driving now. All these beautiful things that we got to witness, just how my in laws taught us to do. And in one of those prayer group sessions, my husband asked a very important question that remained unechoed in my mind for a long time. He asked, how do I know if my faith is strong enough if it's never been tested? How do you know if your faith is strong enough? Do you know for sure that your faith will hold you up and help you rise above any adversity? Do you know that I didn't? And I wondered. And on the one hand, I was like, so grateful that I hadn't been tested. I had a blessed life. I mean, I was born in Puerto Rico, my parents are still married. I have three siblings, a big family. There's so much love in my family. I went to school, I was smart, I got good grades. I checked off all the boxes. Maybe like you, life was perfect. I was Catholic and I went to church every Sunday, Saturday, really, because my dad wanted to go to the first mass ever in the weekend. And I, you know, I did the ccd, all the things I had faith, right? Like, I mean, I thought I had faith, but it had never been tested. My husband, boyfriend at the time, had a point. How do we know that's what this podcast is about? Faith. But what is faith? Faith is believing in what you cannot see. Faith is trusting the limitless possibilities available to you even though you feel stuck today. Faith is feeling the peace that surpasses all understanding while you're going through adversity. Faith is. Is being able to smile when your world is crumbling. Faith is knowing that money is making its way into your account so that you can pay the bills even though it's at negative. Faith is trusting. Faith in what? What do we have faith in? People think that faith is religion, so they think like, oh, faith is only when you have faith in God. Well, yes, that's part of it, but you get to have faith in God or whatever you call that bigger than you experience existence, that power that is almighty, which I call God. Faith in yourself, in your ability to do hard things and in your ability to do great things. Faith in the other people, the people around you, in their ability to rise up, to overcome, to shine, and to even guide you. Faith in the process, in the journey, knowing that even though I'm not there yet, I'm on my way. So you get to persevere because you have faith in the journey. That's faith. So, my friend, you are a person of faith. Regardless of your religious beliefs, you are a person of faith. Now the question how strong is your faith? If you are tested, if you go through excruciating adversity, if you're deeply hurting, how do you go from hurt to hope to happy? How. How do you know if your faith is strong enough to be able to get there? I didn't know. But at some point, this fairy tale life of mine, this faith of mine that was so easy to exercise, it got tested. And I hope you never have to go through what I went through to know if your faith is strong. It was August 25, 2013. I had three children at the time. My oldest was Chi Chi Fofi and then Gordi. I know they sound like puppy names, but they're actual humans. And chi Chi was 4 at the time. She had just started pre K4 in a new school and a new community in St. Timothy here in Miami. And then my Fofi was almost three. She was two years and nine months, and Gordi was almost a year old. So he was my baby. And it was a Sunday morning when I was in the kitchen with my husband, and Fofi came out the hallway door and, you know, showed up with her bouncy curls. And she had like a little bit of a hoppy kind of walk. Like, where she wasn't, like, walking, she was, like, hopping almost. And she was just so cute. She had the biggest smile and just big, brown bright eyes. So she came outside to the kitchen, and I would always welcome her with a good morning sunshine. And I would open my arms and kneel on the floor and hold her, and she would put her tiny little hands around my neck and embrace me. And it was. It was the most delicious moment of the day every morning. So that morning we had our usual morning welcome. And then she went to do the juicing game with Daddy. My husband would juice fresh fruits and vegetables, and then she had to guess what was in the. In the juice. So she was like apples and oranges and she totally got it. So she would, like, smile super big and, you know, she had, like this giddy, like, funny, like, laugh to her. And my. My husband would tickle her. It was. My life really was a fairy tale. Every moment was one to remember. We didn't need to go on a fancy vacation to create Those holy moments, as we like to call them. We went to mass that day, and after we came out of church, we had a pool party planned because we were about to start construction in the backyard, and we wanted to use the pool one last time. And it was also the end of the summer, beginning of the school year, so it was, like, the perfect time. And at some point, I'm in the kitchen, and my Fofi, the middle one, comes to me and grabs my shorts and pulls them down, and she's, like, trying to get my attention, and she's like, mommy, yo quier estar donde tuestes? Which translates to, mommy, I want to be where you're at. Which really was code for, mommy, come to where I want to be at. So she grabbed me by the hand and she took me to the pool. She wanted to go into the pool, and. And Fofi was very respectful of the water, but she loved it, and she was respectful of it, because when we moved to a house with a pool, we got a survival classes kind of thing going on, and she was traumatized by it. She was crying the whole week, and the water was cold, And I don't know. I always feel that. That although she was able to learn the skill set, it also had her retract a little bit because she. She wasn't as embracing and fearless and loving of the water. So then we put her in swimming classes and make sure that she loved the water again, and everything was fine. So the week before this day, we were in Puerto Rico, and we were in a pool, and she was holding from the rails at the edge of the pool, and her little feet came up so she didn't know how to get back down. And she started crying, and I'm like, mama, it's okay. You don't need to cry. Mommy's right here. Mommy's gonna take care of you. Don't worry. A week later, it's that pool party day. We go to the pool. She's super excited because she had just gone up a level in her swimming classes, and she's swimming from me to daddy and from daddy to me, and she's just so happy and proud. And then, you know, then we go on to do, like, our usual cheerleading game, which is where I would have Fofi on one shoulder, then Chichi on the other shoulder. And then my husband would carry me on top of his shoulders, and then we would all, like, lift our hands and do, like, cheerleading and all the good stuff. It was super cute. It was like a tradition of ours every time we went into the pool. So we're having a beautiful moment. At some point, people started coming in, so my husband went outside to the tiki and started barbecuing. I stayed in the pool. The kids were at the edge of the pool on the side with, like, all their little friends playing with the water toys. And I was inside with some of the moms, speaking to them and chatting and whatnot. So at some point, I'm in the pool talking to my friend Christy, and Christy asked, where's Fofi? And at that moment, I don't know why, like, I felt this thing inside of me, and I was hyper vigilant and looking everywhere, and I couldn't find her. And I was like, where is Fofi? And I'm just. I'm stressed, and my heart is pounding, and I don't even know why, because there's no reason for me to be so stressed out. But I'm, like, looking, looking, looking, and I can't find it. I can't see her. The kids were there, but she wasn't with the kids. And then suddenly I looked next to me, right next to me, and there she was, but at the bottom of the pool. So I went into the water, and I clutched her against my chest, and I'm. And I'm holding her tight, and I'm like. And I'm just determined to bringing her up, but the press is pushing me down, and I'm like, I'm gonna get her out. And I just. I just pushed and I trusted, and I came out with all the strength that I had, and I. And I placed her next to the edge of the pool, and I. And I. I don't even know what I did. I must have given her CPR or what I thought was cp, cpr. And as soon as my friend, who was a doctor and she was there with us, came to to support her and, like, saw that she had a pulse, I just. I went to a corner. Like, I left. I left Fofi with my husband and with my friend who was a doctor. And I just went to the corner, and I prayed, and I'm like, lord, Lord, please save her. It was so surreal. It was. I couldn't understand what was happening. And I'm like, lord, please save her. Save her, God. Please save her, God. God, you know I'm raising her for you, Lord. You know I'm raising her for you, Lord. Let me finish my job. Please save her, Lord. Please save her. And I just prayed and prayed and prayed and I made promises. I made so many promises. I'm like, Lord. And a part of me was so sure that she was going to be okay because I am a woman of faith. It's who I am. And I was raising her for him. I had taught her already so much about her dear Lord, I just knew. And there was a doctor in my house. The ambulance got there in five seconds, and we got to the hospital in another five seconds. Everything was so perfect. She had a pulse. It was perfect. So we arrived at the hospital, and we get into a small room, and the doctors are working on her. And I remember having a moment where I looked at them and I thought, God, be you her doctor. And I saw God in them. I saw. I saw God in them. They seemed as though they were treating her as if she was their own. And I just knew everything was going to be okay. So I prayed. I continued to pray because I was scared that God would consider that I didn't have enough faith and. And would not listen to my request. So I just prayed. And at some point, I asked God, can you give me something I can repeat in prayer without having to think about it? Because I was so overwhelmed, and I just couldn't think. And what came to me was, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And I thought, no, no, no, Betsy. That's lack of faith. That's not God giving you a prayer. Because that meant she wasn't going to make it. That's not faith. So I just prayed my own prayers, and I continued like, God, please save her. God, please save her. And then at some point, I looked, and there was a monitor, and the monitor had two lines. There was a zigzag line, and then there was a straight line. And I didn't know what the straight line meant, but I was like, is that the flat line? Is that the line of her heart? Does she have no pulse anymore? And I couldn't ask anyone because everybody was busy attending to her. So I just prayed like, God, make her heart beat. God. God, make her heartbeat. God, make her heart beat. Make her heart beat. And I just begged. I just begged for him to make her heart beat. And he didn't. God did not make my daughter's heart beat. Just like he didn't make your marriage work or spare you from that disease and illness or protect your child from what he or she is going through, just like he didn't help you succeed financially in this endeavor that you're in. And just like he didn't prevent this legal problem. That you're going through from happening. Faith does not guarantee that we're not going to go through pain or adversity. And I learned that that day. When I went home that night without my daughter, I somehow managed to fall asleep. And the next thing I remember is I am in fetal position on the bathroom floor, rocking back and forth like a deranged woman wanting to rip my head off. I could not bear reality. I couldn't bear the thoughts that were coming to me. The flashbacks, the imagining a life without my daughter. Like, I couldn't bear it. I literally was trying to rip my head off. And I remember thinking at that moment, I had been a psychologist at the time for 13 years, and I remember at that moment thinking like, oh, this is how people go crazy sometimes. Reality is so impossible to bear that you. That your mind needs to disconnect. And my life was threatened. My life. I didn't know that I could live without her. And I. And I didn't know that I could stay sane, much less ever be happy again. My husband, very much like Jesus. I swear I was Jesus in his body, like, came to the rescue and literally and physically held me up and brought me back to bed. The next morning, I'm hiding in the walk in closet, feeling overwhelmed. There were a lot of people wanting to be supportive of us, and they were in my house, in my living room, and I needed some time to be alone and to decompress. So I was sitting on my walk in closet when the priest who baptized my daughters, Padre Gerardo, came to visit. And we welcomed him into our little hiding spot, and he sat with us on the floor. And my husband asked, father, you've seen this before. Is it possible to be happy again? Can we be happy again? And the priest said, some people are, and some people are never happy again. So my husband insisted, what's the difference? And he said something that forever changed my life, and I hope it will change yours. The people who are never happy again choose to honor their loved one through suffering. The more they cry, the more they suffer, the more they loved. So they can't allow themselves to be happy again because that would mean they didn't love enough. The people who are happy again are those who choose to honor through love, service, and gratitude. You choose your path. And although I didn't know it at the time, in hindsight, I understand that I set an intention that day that I would be happy again. Because I remember in the middle of that misery thinking, I'm gonna be like the latter. I'm gonna honor her through love, service and gratitude. And my dear friend, that's why I'm here with you today. I am honoring my daughter through love, service and gratitude by doing this podcast for you. I honor my daughter by loving you, by supporting you and showing you all the things that have allowed me to go from hopelessness to hope to happy. I am the happiest woman on earth. The happiest. And anybody who knows me can attest to that. And the secret is faith, which will be revealed to you throughout our time together. I look forward to spending this time with you. And I cannot wait to tell you how I went from hurt to hope to happy. That's it for today's episode. I loved, loved, loved spending this time with you. So thank you for joining me. If somebody came to mind while you were listening, bless them with this episode, send it to them. And if you may, please subscribe and leave a review. Those are really helpful to help us spread the message. And if you want to grow in faith and wisdom, join me@faithandgrowth.com thank you for spending this time with me. Love you. Bye.