The 2 Secrets to Healing Any Relationship

Instead of focusing on what the other person did wrong and blaming him or her for the problem in the relationship, I get to consider, what do I have to do with this? What part did I play? Good morning, sunshine. Welcome to the Faith and Growth podcast, the space where psychology and spirituality come together to help you rise into the person you were created to be. If you're ready to stop playing small and start living the life God designed for you, I got you. I'm Dr. Betsighera, psychotherapist, speaker, and author, and I'm here to help you heal, rise, and walk boldly in your purpose. So if you're ready to do that, let's get started. My client came into my office. I'm going to call him John. And he tells me, betsy, I'm here because I need to save my marriage. He had heard that I was the couple's whisperer in Miami and that I am biased in favor of marriage. I believe in marriage. I've been practicing for 25 years, and I specialize in just transforming relationships. So he comes and he tells me, I'm here because you're the only one that can help me with this. So we sat down, and I'm like, tell me a little bit about your relationship. And he's like, well, my wife, she's really angry, and she has a lot of issues. And look, she even wrote this letter to me. And he shows me a letter and tells me, like, you know, she. She wrote this. And I see it looks like a manuscript that has been annihilated by an editor. And I look at it, and I. And I start reading, and I see that everywhere. She says, like, what she feels and why she's unhappy in the marriage. She had written this letter, like, a year prior or so. It's, like, scratched. And he's like, no, I scratched that because that's not true. And I scratched that because I already changed it. And he had comments on the side like, this is not true. She does it like, this is her fault. And I'm so confused, because his intention is to save his marriage, and he's coming to do the work. By the way, it is possible to do couples coaching or couples therapy with just one person. And that's what he was doing. He was coming here to carry the load of the entire relationship and do the work himself alone so that he could elevate this marriage. And yet he's just blaming the wife for everything, and he's just telling me how horrible she is. And he has a little bit of an arrogant air to him too. Like, he's perfect and she's the one who's doing everything wrong. And I remember after I allowed him to share and I validated him because his feelings were real and raw, I sat him down and I'm, John, do you realize that you want to save your marriage? Your wife is out. She wants nothing to do with you. You are the one who wants this. And yet all you have done is complain about the person you want to save the relationship with. And then I said, john, I'm going to be honest with you. You're going to fail if we continue down this path. But if you are ready to embody the two virtues that will transform any relationship and that will help any marriage thrive, forget survive. I'm not here to save marriages. Like, they didn't get a divorce. I'm here to help marriages thrive. For them to feel all the fireworks, the butterflies, all the delicious feelings that were once natural for them, to build them within so that they can create a strong, resilient, transformed relationship that you're excited to be a part of. So I told him, like, there are two things that you would need to work on before we even do anything with your relationship. Are you ready? And he's like, what are those things? The two virtues that will transform any relationship, that will help you have a fulfilling partnership with anyone. I'm thinking marriages, but it may be someone in your family. The two virtues are humility and accountability. Now, when I say humility, I don't mean, oh, you know, be humble and don't boast and go to Marshalls and Ross instead of a fancy store. That's not what humility is in this perspective. Like, humility here is being able to let go of pride, being able to remove the selfish interest of seeking to be understood rather than to understand and focus on, how can I understand my person better? How can I validate him or her? How can I really connect with what matters to him or her? Like, why is he feeling this way? Why does she think that way? Humility is letting go of what is self serving, to focus on what is important to the person in front of you. And that is hard. That goes against our human nature. It is extremely hard to seek to understand because we have a need of being understood. We have a need of being validated. We have a need of being loved and respected. And when somebody is not doing any of that, to do it for them is against nature. My dad used to call it violence. I don't know how it translates in English. In Spanish, it would be like, you have to practice violence, he would say. And what he meant was, go against the natural instinct that you have as a human being and do the thing that elevates you, makes you better, and brings you closer and more connected to God. You get to be Christlike, you get to be godly. When you come from a place of humility, which involves seeking to understand, trying to put yourself in that person's shoes, not with judgment. Because I will say, many times I was like, oh, I'm practicing humility. I'm seeking to understand my husband, and I understand that he thinks this way, but he's wrong. Does that sound familiar? Does that happen to you, too? I remember not too. Too long ago. I want to say it was about three years ago. I was in an argument with my husband. I was really upset at something, and he. He. We were like. We were upset for, like, three days, which is very unlike us. And I remember thinking, like, he believes. I know what he believes. I understand him. He believes that I made him feel disrespected or that I disrespected him, disrespect him. But I didn't. I know I didn't. In my. At least from my point of view, I didn't. So I. I was like, yeah, I understand him, but he's wrong. First of all, I don't have the power to make anybody feel anything. Right? Like, we have the power over. Over that ourselves. And second of all, I didn't disrespect him. I just raised my voice because I was upset. But that's not disrespect. Well, it is. It is disrespect in his eyes, and he's the one feeling it, and he's the one receiving it. So, Betsy, get over your idea of what disrespect is and, like, sign up to his. When we. When another person feels disrespected, they're being disrespected. Whether you meant it or not, whether. Whether you intended to do that or not, whether in your perspective you did or not, that's. That's what they felt. And yes, I totally subscribe to. Nobody can rob you of your peace, and you don't have the power to make anybody feel anything. And the same. By the same token, nobody has the power to make you feel a certain way. So I wanted him to assume responsibility for that. But I. I was judging him. I was judging the feeling. I was making my own. Coming to my own conclusions about it. That's not what humility is about. Humility is about putting yourself in the other person's shoes, thinking as that person would think, regardless of what you or your perspective is. So what happened was in that particular situation with my husband that I, at some point, I think it may have been the third day of not talking, he was giving me the silent treatment, which kills me. It kills me when he gives me the silent treatment. And we had another conversation. We had tried a few times and we just couldn't come, you know, see eye to eye. And when he, when he was talking to me, he said, you know what you did really hurt me. And the word hurt was like, whoa. Like, you know, when he said, like, oh, it made me so upset and you disrespected me. And I was so angry, and that's not right. I couldn't hear what he was saying. But when he said it really hurt me, I was like, I never want to hurt him. This is my man. This is the love of my life. Like, I never, never want to hurt him. And it took him saying that word for me to shake it off and realize, like, Betsy, you've been hurting the person that you love the most in the world. And it wasn't until then that I understood what I had been preaching for a long time. Humility is about seeking to understand with love, compassion, curiosity, not with judgment, not making your mind about what they understand is wrong. Humility is being instead of shifting from self centeredness to paying attention to the person in front of you and what it means to them. Humility is hard. And it is especially hard when the person you are being invited to be humble towards is not doing the same with you. And that reminds me of something that I learned when I was in my premarital retreat with my husband. They're called Camino here in Miami, and they're like ministry of the church. And they prepare people who are about to get married. And their slogan is lo importante sel otro. In English, that means the person who matters is the other one. And I remember thinking, these people don't know anything. I had just, you know, I had a doctorate in clinical psychology. I had gone to my psychologist and I had learned that I need to be happy first and I need to be important to myself so that then I can help someone and support someone else or love someone else. So my thought was like, these people don't know anything. You can tell they're not psychologists or professionals, and they're wrong. But I'm going to go with the flow. What they're saying is super nice. So it, you know, sounds really sweet, but they're wrong. And it wasn't until months into our marriage that I remembered that phrase, that slogan, and that it made sense in a way that it hadn't made sense before. Lo importante sel otro, the person who matters is the other one. What that means is that if you are looking out for your spouse or whatever relationship you're in, like I'm speaking about romantic relationships, but really this applies to family relationships, you know, relationships with your kids, with your parents, with your siblings, with your co workers, with anybody. But I'm just giving examples of marriages in particular. You look out for the best interest of your partner and very important conjunction, your partner also is looking out for your best interest. And it works beautifully. When it's. The hardest is when you're looking out for the best interest of your partner and your partner is looking out for his or her best interest. That's hard. That's what makes this process so hard. And usually that's when we get to be the most intentional about it. So the reason I learned in my core what this phrase, what this slogan meant is because I remember getting home from work, I was working late, I was seeing couples and most of them were being seen after hours, after work. So I would get home past 8 o'. Clock. And I remember one of those nights having dinner with my husband. He had cooked, we had dinner, and after we ate, we finished eating. We are arguing over who's gonna do the dishes. And the argument sounded something like this, like, hey baby, like, go shower, you're already cooked, I'll take care of the dishes. And he would respond like, no, you just got home from work, you go shower, you must be exhausted. I'm going to take care of the dishes. And I'm like, no, but like, you already cooked and you're tired too. I love making the dishes, let me take care of the dishes. And we were going back and forth over who was going to do the dishes, but it wasn't you do the dishes. No, you do the dishes. It was like, let me take that off your plate. And at that moment, something so simple made me realize, like, oh, lo importante sel otro, the person who matters is the other one in the measure that I'm looking out for him, for him and his well being. And I'm coming from a place of gratitude and you know, you already cooked, let me take care of this. And he's coming from a place of compassion, like, no, it's too late, you just got home from work. Let me do it. We were both taken care of. If I do the dishes, I feel like I get to do this for him. And it feels so good. It's an act of kindness. It's not a chore. And if he does the dishes, he feels like, oh my goodness, like she's able to go relax and, and decompress and shower and, and, and it feels good. So ultimately you're making your help. You're supporting your person and you're taking something off their plate. You're. You're helping them feel really good and taken care of. But at the same time, you are getting a shot of oxytocin. Now for those of you who don't know what oxytocin is, it's a feel good hormone in your body very much like dopamine. And, and typically you get oxytocin when you do an act of kindness or when they give you a hug or when you have an orgasm. It's that kind of good. So you get a shot of oxytocin when you do something for your person and your person is also getting something delicious because they're being taken care of. That's humility. Humility is seeking to understand, is doing for others, is putting the well being and best interest of your person first and in the process getting a shot of oxytocin and feeling really good about it. Kind of a good deal. Right, Quick interruption. Just to let you know that I have opened up one spot for couples coaching. So if you have been wanting to elevate your relationship and transform your marriage, this is your big opportunity. I often am unable to accept new clients because I'm fully booked, but because this is the month of relationships in the faith and growth podcast, I have made sure that I opened up this one spot. So if you're interested, just go to RequestASession.com and submit the form so that I can call you personally and learn how I can support you. Okay, back to the episode. Now, the second component, or the second virtue that will transform your relationship is accountability. Now let me go back to John. John became an expert in humility and accountability. He went from having that air of arrogance and like blaming the wife and she's the one who's wrong to having like the most grace and humility and love. Like this man was transformed. Transformed from within. It was beautiful to witness. He even did. I don't know if you've ever heard of the love there. It's a 40 day challenge that's based on the movie Fireproof and it's a very hard challenge to complete because it is about humility and accountability. It's about assuming the responsibility. That's what accountability is, assuming the responsibility for your relationship and doing anything and everything in your power to support it, to, to own it and to transform it. So he was my first client ever, and I had tried it with multiple clients. He was my first client ever to complete the 40 day challenge of the love there. And boy, was it hard. I usually give the person who's not coming, so in this case the wife, I usually give her the benefit of the doubt and I, I speak for her and I protect her because ultimately what we're doing is we're owning, we're owning this journey, we're owning the process. So I want to empower my client with as much responsibility as possible. And if he's constantly blaming or putting down the wife who's not here to defend herself, then I get to speak for her, protect her integrity and hold him accountable so that he can also elevate. And there were moments in which I wanted to punch her in the face too. Transparency here. She mistreated him and abused him and humiliated him so much that my heart, like I just, I couldn't take it. It was excruciating and he did it anyway. So this man, John, humbled himself to the point of humiliation with intention. And there's a difference between being submissive and dumb and stupid and an idiot or, you know, letting other people take advantage of you and being intentionally submissive, intentionally humble to the point of humiliation. There's power in that when, you know, because a person who's submissive, they don't have a choice, right? Like if I don't subscribe to this or if I don't give in, then I'm going to get in trouble or my wife's going to leave me, or he's going to hit me or do something to me or they're going to punish me, right? Like when you're submissive, naturally, not with intention, you're operating from fear, you're operating from victimhood. You don't have what it takes to stand up for yourself and make a choice. You have to do the thing that someone else chose for you. There's weakness in that definition of humility or submission. But when you have the choice to talk back, to leave, to be arrogant, to be upset, like when you have the choice to decide and you choose humility and you choose to do the thing that comes from love, not fear, resentment, unforgiveness, when you choose that, you are the most powerful person on the face of the earth. Humility is a superpower. I have an aunt who was divorced from my uncle and remarried, and I always admired her because she didn't remarry him because she already had his kids and it was the right thing to do. Or because she's Catholic, and in her faith, marriage is never destroyed. Don't let man destroy what God had brought together. I don't know how to say that in English. Right? Like, I think of it in Spanish. When I witnessed their relationship and their marriage and her decision, I was like, oh, my gosh. This woman is not owned by pride. I just. I deeply admire my aunt. She's one of my spiritual directors. And one of the reasons I admire her is because she walks the talk. She walks the talk of humility. And humility is freedom. Humility is power. Humility is the opposite of pride, which is a capital sin, they say. So humility is transformative from within, and it frees you from within regardless of the outcome of what happens with your marriage. If the other person humiliated you or put you down, that's on them. You did the right thing. Okay, so accountability. Because I know I mentioned it, but I digressed. Okay. Accountability is when we assume responsibility for anything and everything in our relationship, or our lives, for that matter. Accountability is when I see that my husband's pissed off at me and is giving me the silent treatment. And instead of thinking, like, oh, my gosh, look at him. He's so resentful. Or, how dare he? Or that's very disrespectful. Like, yeah, like, I did something, but he did something worse. Instead of focusing on what the other person did wrong and blaming him or her for the problem in the relationship, I get to consider, what do I have to do with this? What part did I play? I remember a time my husband and I were in Costa Rica in a family vacation, and I was exhausted from the trip. My kids were still little. And if you have little kids, you know that they're like, they produce a lot of stress, and they can really, like, deplete your ability to respond with grace. And it was one of those days. And I remember it was late at night. My husband was in the couch sitting down, and he had passed out while I was bathing the kids. And something like, they were giving me a hard time, and I had left something in the room, and I called for my husband to bring it, and he didn't hear me because he was asleep, so he didn't Bring. I was just, like, fuming and upset and disappointed and frustrated. And, you know, of course I was going to take it out on him, not saying this is right, but I did. Right. Like, I think when we have little kids, we have a very short fuse with our spouses, and we're often measuring who does more. And it's a mistake that I know I did for the first time, probably for the first couple of kids, and then I mastered it for the next two. That's why I had so many children, so that I could become a better person. So my husband had passed out. I'm super frustrated. And at some point, oh, my gosh, it's, like, embarrassing to say this. At some point, I storm out of the bathroom and I go to him and I, like, shake him, like, and wake him up. And I'm like, can you help me with this? And I, like, total, like, disrespectful tone of voice. Like, I was the poor guy. Like, imagine waking up to this monster cycle, like, mom and I. And he was so upset, he was so angry that he started, like, screaming at me. Now, my husband and I don't do that. We don't curse at each other. We don't scream at each other. We do not disrespect each other in our arguments. That's not part of our repertoire of. Of experiences and actions that we take, you know, with each other. And that day, he forgot. He. He screamed at me. He may have said some curse words in front of our kids. We never do that. It was. It was like, whoa. So I did something wrong, right? Like, I. I went and I woke him up pissed off. But he did something worse because he included a curse word. He was screaming at me in front of the kids. It was, you know, like, I sold. But he. He. He killed, right? Like, if we're in a court of law, like, we're both guilty, but my. My crime is a little lesser than his, right? Like, his is. Is to another level. So the next day we slept in it. We just. We couldn't. We couldn't figure it out that day. We slept on it. And the next day, we're in a car. In the car with my entire family, and I'm like, humility and accountability. Humility and accountability. Humility. Okay, Betsy, seek to understand. Like, just. Just put yourself in his shoes. And. And, like, what can I own? What can I own? What do I have to do with this? And. And my. My intention was to, like, to apologize for the thing that I did wrong so that I could have the power of. Of beginning the reconciliation. And by the way, I have to stop and say, I am my mom's daughter. I did not know how to apologize. I have. Like, if I'm on the horse, God forbid I get down. Even if I realize that I'm wrong. My mom will tie, but she'll never lose. And I had a little bit of that in me. I just never saw it in my house. I never saw apologies and conversations and accountability, and I didn't see that. So I didn't know that until I married my husband. My husband is the most humble, accountable man on the face of the earth. He assumes responsibility the moment that he realizes that he's wrong because you said something that changed everything. Like, that moment, he'll stop and he'll be like, oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that's what happened. Or that's how it came up. Like, I'm sorry. And I remember when he first did this, I was like, oh, my gosh. He's, like, just trying to shut me up. Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. Like, yeah, Like, I thought that's. That was what he was trying to do. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, I'm sorry. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Like, okay, just shut up already. I just couldn't believe with the ease like, that he was able to apologize and acknowledge when he was wrong. I had never seen that in my life, so I thought it was fake. And with his modeling, my husband taught me accountability. It just felt so good when he apologized. It felt so validating, and it was such an act of love that I wanted to do that for him, too. I wanted to learn it. He was so free from the resentment that builds up or the pride that comes with, I'm going to be right at any cost, and you're wrong and you're worse and tit for tat. Like, I did this, but you did this worse. He was. He was just natural. And I will mention, and you'll probably hear this throughout our podcast together, my husband is a financial advisor, but the guy is the wisest person I know. I've had to do a doctorate in psychology, read a thousand books, and just continue to learn and learn and grow and do all these things to get, like, a quarter of his wisdom, which. Which comes naturally to him. So. So a lot of the content that I have here to share, I've learned from my husband through his actions, through his just. Just kind, loving nature. It's. He's. He's pretty impressive. Anyway, I Digress. So the day after the argument in Costa Rica, I'm in the car and I'm thinking like, humility and accountability. Humility and accountability. Okay, God, what can I own? What can I own? I kind of was a B word when I went and I woke him up like that and I replayed it and I would cringe thinking about it because I'm usually not that person. But motherhood brought a little psycho ish situation inside of me that I'm a little bit ashamed of. I've had grace with myself and I've forgiven me for, for being that way, but I, I was a little psycho and, and I wasn't always my best self and, and I remember thinking like, oh, that was kind of wrong. But then my mind would take me to. But he was worse and he did this and he screamed in front of the case and he said a curse word and he. And then I'm like, no, no, no, come back to accountability, Betsy, what do you have? And I'm like, I was frustrated. I took it out on him. I woke him up very disrespectfully. I. It was mine. It was mine and I took it. It was my orange juice. Remember that episode that I shared the analogy of the orange juice? It's my, it's mine, that's mine. So I texted him in the car and I wrote, I am sorry I woke you up that way. And I took out my frustration on you. I love you. Mind you, I'm so really hurt and really pissed off with how he treated me. But I didn't have power over him apologizing towards me. I only have power over what I. Over me. What did I do wrong that I can apologize for? So I sent him that text and he texted me back and he said, and I am sorry for screaming at you and saying all the mean, hurtful things that I said and doing so in front of our kids. And it was like, the person who matters is the other one. When I looked out for his well being and to be the bigger, better person. By assuming responsibility and seeking to understand him rather than dwelling on how dare he do this to me, I was able to transform everything. My action the same way that my original action of waking him up that way triggered and trickled like all the other negative experiences. The action, the gesture of asking for forgiveness and assuming responsibility also developed the possibility of reconciliation. So we have power when we're humble and accountable. And I just want to share that when we decide, discuss the situation later on more in depth. He explained to Me something that I'd rather, I'd like to share with you because like I said, he's a wise guy and he has great analogies. He said, betsy, he's a very practical guy. He's a two plus two is four financial advisor. He's a numbers guy. Right. So his analogies are very practical, very rational. And he said, you know, if we were in a court of law and we had a judge there, we would both be guilty and I probably would get a higher, worse sentence than yours. Right, because you did this wrong. Yes. And you did it first. And I was in, you know, trying in defense mode. Right. Personal defense. But, but then, but I took it to another level. Right. Like I, I, I, I killed you and in the court of law were both guilty. And that bothers me because what I would have wanted to do was respond with grace so that then you could be the only guilty one and you know, you're the one to blame. I didn't do anything wrong, Judge. Hey, jury. Like I'm innocent, but I'm not, I'm not innocent because you hit and I hit harder. So he illustrated with that analogy that, that he lost. He lost too, because two wrongs don't make a right. And you know, like eye for an eye, like that's expired. We don't believe in that. We're people, people of service, of we're Christ. Like we're godly. We want to be a better versions of our better versions of ourselves because we're Christians and Christians or believers, you know, I know this, this podcast is not just for Christians, but if you're a Christian, then you get to be Christlike by doing this. And if you don't resonate with religion, you want to be a higher version of yourself. And the way to do that is through humility and accountability. So I get to ask you now, are you humble enough to seek to understand the person that you're struggling in a relationship with? Whether it's your spouse or your child, your parents, your co worker, a friend, your in laws, another family member. Are you seeking to understand them? Are you asking yourselves like, why? Why is she feeling this way? I wonder if, you know, maybe there's an old trauma that you're triggering and exacerbating. Maybe they're overwhelmed and they don't have the same ability to adapt or to process with grace. Or maybe they don't even have that tool in their toolbox. They're walking trigger and if you push a button, they're going to explode. Maybe they don't have the tools. Or maybe they're in so much pain that they just don't have the bandwidth to cope. Hurts people. Hurt people. Like, have you wondered what that person that annoys the crap out of you or really, like, hurts you is experiencing? Can you for a second think about them and not you? Can you assume responsibility for some of it? Any of it? Because, by the way, responsibility is power. Because if you have something to do with the problem with where you're. Where you're at, where you're at in the relationship, then you have the power to solve it, to change it. If not, my friend, you have to sit down and wait for the other person to change. Good luck with that. You have the power of influence. You may not be able to change that person, but you can inspire them to change by being the change that you desire them to experience. Like my husband did with me. My husband never even intended to do this. It came naturally for him. He. He apologizes with ease. He's humble. He assumes responsibility. He. He doesn't like. He doesn't know pride when it comes to relationships. And I witnessed that, and it felt so good and it was so attractive and beautiful, and it was like a caress to my heart every time I witnessed him do that. And I was like, I want to be like you when I grow up. And even though I didn't have that role model in my home, because that's not how we operated in our relationship, in our communication, right? Like an accountability. I had it as an adult, and it wasn't too late to learn it. And for those of you who think like, oh, my goodness, it's just too ingrained in me. It's already inside of me. This is who I am. This is how I am. You're wrong. But that's another podcast for another day. You don't have to be who you've always been. And number two, you get to. You get to learn from someone new by choosing, by intending, by deciding that you are going to be like that. And now you have a role model to emulate. So think about the person who you're having a hard time with and seek to understand them, seek to validate them, to put yourself in his or her shoes without judgment, but rather with curiosity, with love, with. With the desire to. To help, and then ask yourself what you have to do with that. And maybe in. Maybe if that person had a reaction, an inappropriate reaction towards you, maybe you didn't do anything at that particular moment. That happens a lot, by the way. You know, I sometimes I'm like, oh, I. I didn't exacerbate this. I had nothing to do with this. They were just taking it out on me or had a hard day or whatever. I can't assume responsibility for this. I was like, if I go back and I realize I greeted them with kindness, I responded with grace. If I realized that I didn't do anything wrong, I asked myself, well, is there a past between him or her and I? Did I, like, do I already have a reputation with this person that could have led him to react or respond or interpret what I said in a particular way? And I assume responsibility for that. I have changed a lot, a lot in the last 20 years. And my parents, my siblings, my husband could still treat me at times as if I were the person who I once was. And it's not fair to me, but I can assume responsibility for, like, okay, yeah, they're still stuck in the old programming of how I was. I can own that. And with that understanding, I can address them with a lot more kindness and accountability than I would if I didn't assume responsibility for that. So sometimes you assume responsibility for what you did, which is directly related, like me waking my husband with. With disrespect or aggression. And sometimes you assume responsibility for, like, you know, well, I was like this at some point, and they still haven't updated their programming. You can own that. Or sometimes you get to own your tone or you not taking the time to understand that person better and really, like, connect with them so that you know how to talk to them in a way that supports them. We can always, always assume responsibility for something, and it's so empowering and it feels so good because you're no longer a victim. You are a victor, and the victory is inevitable. I hope this has served you. I love you very much. I am rooting for your relationships, and I trust, trust that as you work on them, you will be transformed from within. I love you. Bye. That's it for today's episode. I loved, loved, loved spending this time with you. So thank you for joining me. If somebody came to mind while you were listening, bless them with this episode, send it to them. And if you may, please subscribe and leave a review. Those are really helpful to help us spread the message. And if you want to grow in faith and wisdom, join me at faithandgrowth. Com. Thank you for spending this time with me. Love you. Bye.