The Power of Acceptance: How to Welcome What You Never Would Have Chosen | 47

I believe that the moment that you welcome what is as is and that you accept reality is the very moment that you will manifest the peace and the joy that surpass understanding and everything that God has in store for you. If you listen to my first podcast, you know the story of when I lost Fofi. And you may or may not remember that the night after her passing, I found myself in the middle of the night on the bathroom floor in fetal position with my hands on my hair, on my head, wanting to rip my head off and rocking back and forth like a deranged woman, wanting to disappear, wanting to die, wanting to lose contact with reality because reality was too hard to bear. And it doesn't have to be losing a child. Reality can be hard sometimes. Maybe it's a financial crisis that you're in, a legal situation, an issue with your child, who— an illness that has invaded your family, whether it's yourself or someone that you love. Or perhaps it's a family member that's making your life miserable. Or your spouse. You're in a crisis in your marriage, and you don't know how to come out of it, and you really want to preserve the unity of the family. I don't know what your hardship is, but life can be hard. And what I've learned is that experiencing pain does not have to include the sensation and the experience of darkness, that I endured that night. And I learned that within a month after losing Fofi. I went to an Imeas retreat within that month. And in that retreat, I found so much hope. I felt held by Jesus. I was covered by the Holy Spirit. I even had moments of joy and excitement. And I was like, "Wait, what?" Like, I got there crying. I was crying the whole time. I felt so vulnerable. I was so broken, it was so dark. And yet, as a result of that experience, light came in. And I remember darkness being removed. But then when I came back home, I was like, okay, like, now I have hope. I know I can be happy again. I know that I can continue to move forward without leaving Fofi behind, which is something that people who grieve, like, struggle with. I knew that I had a community of people who loved me and supported me. I knew that my faith was real. So I was gonna rise above this because faith, faith can elevate. I just had hope. There was no more darkness. But then I found myself sharing in the meetings after the retreat, like, okay, I removed the darkness, I have hope, But it still hurts. It still hurts. And I remember asking God, like, "Okay, what do I do now? Like, what now?" And I was seeking and searching and just going to anything and everything that I thought would help me get to the truth, get to the path. How do I find joy again? I, as part of that endeavor, like as part of me trying to find ways of connecting with peace and joy again, I would go to the Blessed Sacrament and then to daily Mass. And I remember being in Mass one morning and asking God, like, "Okay, can you reveal to me what can I do now?" And all I could hear from all the scriptures that they read was the word "accept." I'm not sure what passage it was from the Bible. I'm not sure what— in what context, but I heard God tell me through Scripture in Mass, "Accept, acceptance." And I just knew, I just knew that was the answer to my prayer. At that moment, I was like, okay, the next step is acceptance. So first, I allowed myself to feel the pain with hope, because feeling is healing. But now I get to work on acceptance. And it's interesting because acceptance was the last stage of grief in the 5 stages of grief, right? Like, but I believe it's the first one right after allowing yourself to feel and sit with the pain. And I don't think acceptance is a— a place where you arrive when enough time has passed by, when you've gone through all the stages of anger and frustration and guilt and sadness. And no, I think acceptance is something that we can proactively pursue. And acceptance is when we remove the resistance that we have towards the event or the experience that we're having. Now, here's the thing. When you go through any adversity or any hardship, the reason denial is the first stage of grief is because some things are too hard to accept, to understand, to be okay with, to move on with. Some things are too excruciating. So the brain literally needs time for you to kind of like come to terms with like, okay, this is really happening. So denial is a very healthy first step that happens naturally. What is the first thing we say when something, when we hear the news of something very tragic? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it can't be, it cannot be. Like the first reaction is no, it's denial. It's deny that that even happened. It's the opposite of acceptance. But that's healthy. That's a defense mechanism for a purpose. It defends you. It protects you from a reality that is too harsh to bear. So when I was in my denial, when I was resisting reality, I was giving time to my brain to process that this was really happening. And that time serves us. It serves us. It helps us, like, come to terms with it. It helps us, like, get used to the possibilities so that then we can work on acceptance. So it's okay if your first reaction is like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's okay. It's important to give that time. I was on the bathroom floor in fetal position, rocking back and forth, wanting to rip my head off because I could not. Accept that my brain needed more time. If not, I was gonna go crazy. And for the first time in my life, I understood why people go crazy. And I've been in this field for a long time, but it wasn't until 13 years later that I realized like, oh, it's because reality is too hard to accept, to bear. Well, when we take the time to process that reality, when we take the time to be in denial, to fight reality, to be like, "No, no, no, she was supposed to bury me, not the other way around," right? Like, that's denial. Like, when you're fighting reality. I was fighting reality. She was here. How could that be? That's not possible. I was a super psycho mom. I always took care of her. How could this happen to me? How could she die before me? She had so much left. God didn't let me finish my job. Public. All those things are like you're fighting reality. When you're stuck in traffic and you're like, this is ridiculous, Miami traffic, why is it, you know, it's only 11 o'clock in the morning and there's all this traffic, like this doesn't make any sense in this jam. And you're fighting reality. The other day my husband was late to, we had a date and he was going to the gym first. And I was waiting for him and he wasn't gonna make it on time. So I left to our date alone. I didn't wait for him. And I was so upset, and I was fighting the fact that he was late. But what am I going to do? He's already late. I can't go back in time, right? Like, the sooner we accept reality, the sooner we stop fighting with what is. And the sooner we stop fighting with what is, the sooner we remove the resistance that oftentimes creates more pain than the original cause itself. So Fofi dying was painful, but what was more painful at some point was me fighting the fact that she died, me thinking that it wasn't supposed to be this way, me thinking that she was supposed to bury me. What was more painful than my husband being late to our date was me being wrapped up and like, wanting, like, like ruminating about the fact, how could he? And telling myself all sorts of stories, how much he didn't care that he didn't make it on time, and the gym is more important than me. All those stories, like all that resistance and the stories that came from that, that's what created more pain. It wasn't the original situation itself. And if you listened to the third episode, you know about the Faith Method, which is the process through which we rise above any hardship or adversity. And from that faith method, we know that life is neutral. So everything that happens, me losing Fofi, you going through this illness with yourself or someone else that you love, this legal situation, the financial crisis that you're in, like whatever it is that you're going through, that's neutral. What creates the emotional pain is the story you tell yourself about it. So we have a situation that doesn't have to feel as painful and excruciating as you're feeling it if you would only accept it. When you accept, you remove the resistance that often creates more pain than the original cause of the pain itself. Now, how do we pursue acceptance? What does that even mean? I remember having clarity after listening to Scripture in Mass that my next step was acceptance. That's what I want to talk about with you today. Acceptance. Acceptance is the first step after allowing yourself to feel the pain, to be in denial with the situation that you're in, So that you may welcome what is as is. So that you may welcome reality as if you would have chosen it. Can you imagine that? I heard that from Eckhart Tolle once, and I was like, buddy, one thing is to accept reality, but another thing is to accept the death of my daughter as if I would have chosen it. Like, what the heck? And I understood later on when I was a little more connected to, to Spirit, to God, I understood what that meant. We are the co-creators of life. And I'm not going to get into that topic because it's a really hard idea to grasp. So, but if you want to learn more, you're welcome to join the Faith-Based Coaching Academy where I equip you with the tools and the formation that will help you then understand deeper spiritual things, because spiritual things, my friend, can only be understood spiritually. So we need to connect and do the work to have that deep relationship with God. Anyhow, we are called to radically accept and welcome reality exactly the way that it is. And the way we do that is, I mean, it depends on what works for you, but how I did it was, number one, I set an intention. I am going to accept exactly this moment the way that it is. And when you set an intention, and there's a whole other podcast about that, you make a decision and you remove all other possibilities. You connect to the power of God because then you welcome Him into your life and ask Him for guidance. And then The way you pursue that, that intention is based on how He guides you to it. So then you have divine power within. And when you set an intention, you also establish a sense of purpose. So now everything that you're doing is to fulfill the intention. It's not a task, it's not a random thing. Everything has meaning. So first I set the intention of accepting that Fofi was in heaven with God. Then I literally used words, and I repeated, "I fully accept this moment exactly the way that it is. I fully accept this moment exactly the way that it is." Every time I was struggling with ruminating thoughts or a deep sense of sadness, I would close my eyes and repeat like a mantra over and over and over again, "I fully accept this moment exactly the way that it is." Then I also found meaning. I was like, how can I accept it? Like, what is the story that I need to tell myself so that acceptance becomes easier, right? So number one, I set the intention of acceptance. Number two, I repeated the mantra, I fully accept this moment exactly the way that it is, so that I could use words to reprogram my subconscious mind. And then number 3, I gave it meaning by thinking like, well, what is the story I would need to tell myself so that I could accept this easily? Because I had told myself stories. I told myself she was supposed to bury me. She wasn't ready to go. I couldn't finish my job as a mom. What the heck? Like, I was fighting reality. So I had told myself a whole lot of stories. So how can I change those stories? Stories? How can I reframe those stories so that it becomes more believable and acceptable that she's in heaven right now and she's not physically here? I can't hold her. I cannot feel her little tiny hands around my neck. How could I believe that it was okay to welcome that reality? Well, I decided to tell myself the story that she was truly in heaven and she was loving it and she was happy. But I believed in God, I believe in heaven, but you know how it is. We all believe in heaven, but we ain't, you know, nobody ain't trying to die here. We don't wanna die yet. Well, if you really believed in heaven, if I really believed in heaven, I'd be suicidal. I'd be dying to die. So I figured I didn't truly believe in heaven. And in fact, many times I was like, How is she in a better place if she lived in heaven in my house? My house was heaven. My house was joyful, happy. There was not a book I didn't read to her, a lullaby I didn't sing to her, a kiss I didn't give her, a hug I didn't embrace her with. Like, heaven was my house. So I struggled with believing that she was happier and better. I wanna believe that I am a selfless mom, That's another story I tell myself, at least. So I was like, you know, if I can believe that she's happy, I can be happy for her instead of being a hater and being like, oh, you know, being selfish and worrying only about what I was thinking. So I remember telling myself the story, like, I just need to believe she's in heaven and heaven is really what they say it is so that I can be happy for her and rejoice for her. Instead of dwelling on, "Oh, poor me," and being selfish, you know, about, "I miss her." But you know when your kids go off to college and they're having the time of their lives, but you miss them so much? You could be miserable and be hating on them and be like, "Come back home," like, you know, whatever. Like, you know, "You should be home, poor me." Or we could just rejoice because they're thriving in college away from home. So that was my thinking. My thinking was, If I could see this whole heaven, if I could believe in heaven the way we're supposed to as Christians, I can, that story can help me accept that she really is in a better place. So I started reading books about heaven, praying for God to reveal to me how amazing heaven was. I asked Him for dreams, like, please tell me, you know, like, Show me her in a dream and show me that she's happy and joyful and rejoicing. And I remember one day, I was about to take a nap. My son was sleeping. Gordito was almost a year old, so he was sleeping. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna take a nap. And the whole point of taking the nap was to give God the opportunity to give me a dream, 'cause I would tell God what to do. So I was like, okay, I'm gonna go to sleep. So that you can let me dream with Fofi happy, okay? And I remember I was going to sleep, and suddenly I hear the doorbell ring. So I rush out of bed, 'cause I didn't want the doorbell to wake up Gabriel. And when I opened the door, there was a woman I had never seen in my life. And this woman takes a step into my house, she comes in, inside my house, uninvited, with confidence and strength and very straight. And she has this posture of, I don't know, like a big presence and confidence. I don't know how to explain it, but it was very compelling. There's conviction in her voice. Her voice was strong. And she just stepped into my house and said, "I have come to tell you." that your daughter is rejoicing in the presence of a living God in heaven. And I'm like, what the heck? I didn't know if to freak out or like jump up and down and celebrate. I don't know. I was literally asking God to show me her happy in heaven so that I could believe. That heaven was all that they talk about. And this woman came and physically and literally told me just that. A woman I've never seen in my life. Now, if you're curious about who this woman was, she turned out to be the wife of our landscape guy. Our landscape person obviously doesn't bring the wife to work, So I had never met her, but he had told her about what we had gone through, and she had come to bring him lunch that day to my house. And he told her like, "Oh, this is the house of that family I told you about." And, you know, she left, but then she had this like strong feeling inside of her, and she came right back and she's like, "I just, I can't, I can't, I cannot leave. I have to tell her something." And she came to give me that message. If that's not God using her and her allowing, you know, her voice to be a vessel of God, I don't know what is. I don't know what is. So because I had set the intention and I had opened up to hearing what God wanted to show me and to paying attention to the path that was revealed to me so that I could arrive at acceptance, then I was able to receive that. I was open to receive that because that's another thing. When we don't open ourselves up to receive what God has in store for us, then He can't give it to us no matter how much He wants to. So number one, set the intention so that you may decide, so that you may invite God in. Into guiding you towards the destination. Number 2, use words repeatedly to remind your subconscious of that intention that you're so deeply committed to. I fully accept this moment exactly the way that it is. And number 3, tell yourself the story that's gonna help you accept. If you could believe that this illness is meant to help you change your lifestyle, bring you closer to God, unite your family, bring you perspective, help you not take things for granted, help you become a better person, if you could believe that, then you can accept it. And maybe the moment you accept it, instead of focusing on fighting reality, you may focus on listening to remedies. Maybe there's a holistic approach that you haven't listened to because you're too busy fighting reality. Maybe there's a doctor that is the one assigned to you and the one that's gonna help you heal, but you're too busy fighting reality to talk to this other person who's about to give you the referral. Like, stop fighting reality. Acceptance is how we release the resistance that causes more pain than the original form of pain itself. So accept what is as is, radically, as if you would have chosen it, and know and trust that all things work for the good of those who love Him. I promise you, my friend, God is with you. Right now. He's holding you. He is supporting you. He is working on how can we solve this problem. He's working on that. You may not know it because, you know, either you haven't listened to Him because you're too busy fighting reality, or perhaps this is not the time yet, and God is never late. So, my friend, I heard it from Scripture in Mass 13 years ago. You are listening to this today. And maybe this idea of accept reality, welcome what is as is, maybe this is exactly the message that God has in store for you. If you have been in the same situation for a little while, if you have been frustrated by the the issue that you're going through, maybe it's time to surrender, to let go of that resistance, to give it to God and just be like, okay, okay, I accept this very crappy situation exactly the way that it is. And I trust, Lord, that you are using it. You're using it. To purify me, to elevate me, to expand me. Trust me, you. God would never allow anything that will not ultimately be for your own good. So trust it. Trust it. And accept. Welcome what is, is. So before we leave, I would like to give you a homework. Every single day for this week, for this month, you decide how much you need it, as you perceive to acceptance, I invite you to pray this prayer by Thomas Keating. It's called the Welcoming Prayer, and it says like this: Welcome, welcome, welcome. I welcome everything that comes to me today because I know it's for my healing. I welcome all thoughts, feelings, emotions, persons, situations, and conditions. I let go of my desire for power and control. I let go of my desire for affection, esteem, approval, and pleasure. I let go of my desire for survival and security. I let go of my desire to change any situation, condition, person, or myself. I open to the love and presence of God and God's action within. Amen. I believe that the moment that you welcome what is as is and that you accept reality is the very moment that you will manifest the outcomes that you desire, the peace and the joy that surpass understanding, and everything that God has in store for you. I love you. Have a beautiful day.