EP067 - Seven ways to do life better - Anthony Astbury

Okay, so this is the whole Man Academy podcast, episode 67. Today you have just me. We don't have any special spangly guests, so you'll be listening to me. And what are we talking about today? Seven life lessons. The last time I did a solo pod it was six life lessons. But I thought we'd, we'd go one further. And just before we start, hope you've enjoyed the last couple of podcasts. We've had some great ones with Nikki Forster, we had Steve Sharp a while ago. David Gandhi's podcast a while ago has hit over, I think it's nearly 11,000 views now. So thanks to everybody that's listening. And also last night we had our latest Wholeman Academy Zoom call. We had guys from all over the world calling in. We had guys from the us, guys from Canada, guys from up in Bonnie, Scotland and all around the uk. So thanks for those guys. What did we talk about? Well, if you jump onto our Instagram page you will be able to see we listed a post with listing all the different things we spoke about. So thanks to all the guys that joined into that. And actually I set a challenge to the chaps who were on the call and said could you send me a life lesson that you've learned over the last few years or whenever really? And we would pick one and publish it during the seven for this week and the next time we do a life lessons, we'll put the rest in. So we're going to read one of those out to you today and one of them, which quite frankly is an interesting life lesson that we'll kick off with in a moment. So if you haven't already, make sure you subscribe to our E letter which goes out to hundreds of men all around the world and it is www.wholemanacademy.com movement. So make sure you jump onto that. We've got some exciting things coming in the next couple of weeks, so let's jump into the seven Life Less. The first one is a mildly light hearted one. I was actually at a conference a couple of years ago and I was asked to stand up and talk about the whole Man Academy, which is very kind of them. And of course I mentioned that we're helping men do life better and looking at health and fitness and lifestyle, et cetera, et cetera. And anyway, after I'd spoken to the crowd, I think it was lunchtime or one of the breaks and a chap came over to sit next to me and he said, oh, I just wanted to say it was really good with Your talk, of course, because I was so great at talking, naturally. And he then said, and I think it was that he wanted to show me a picture of his logo for something that he'd come up with. So this is where our life lesson is going to come in. He leant towards me with his phone to open up his gallery and naturally you lean over to have a look. And unfortunately, the first picture, the one in his gallery that came up, was him completely naked in his hotel room, obviously at the. At the event, taking naked photos of himself. So there's. Your first easy win is don't ever lean over someone and have a look at their gallery, unless you don't want to see something that they don't want to see. So don't ever lean over and have a look at their gallery whilst they're opening up their iPhone, because it's an image that will stay with me forever and I still have nightmares about it now. So there's, number one, we'll have slightly more serious ones. And number two, number two is about sometimes your worst day can be your best day. And I'll give you an example of that. I remember listening to a guy called Brad Burton, who, some of you may know, but he's, let's call it the UK's number one motivational speaker. And he told us a story many moons ago about how he was living up, and I think it was in Manchester when he'd been embroiled in some kind of dispute with people and actually people fired shots into his house, which isn't ideal, to be honest. And what he said at the time was that actually it was a. It's a scary, you know, terrible event and pretty much forced him to leave the area and move away. And what he said about that was actually that when he looks back, it was such a traumatic time for him, but actually that gave him the push to move into where he's now, where he really is doing well in life and, you know, being productive, he's fulfilled, he knows exactly where he's going. So it just goes to show that sometimes, whatever your worst day is, can sometimes, you know, result in actually being your best day. And. And I can only use that myself. When I was in my 20s, I had a collapsed lung, which some of you may already know, and it stopped me from playing football for many, many, many months. And I wasn't allowed to do any physical activity at all, but I had a huge appreciation for football when I actually went back to playing it. So what at the time was my worst day it actually resulted in a high level of gratitude for the things I love. So just have a think for yourself. If there's that story in your head of something that's happened in your life that's the worst day of your life, is there a way that you could flip that round and suddenly you take some kind of positive out of it? I don't know, but if you can send me a message, let me know what it was. So the second one that we were going to talk about was actually from Dennis, who is the police officer from Toronto, who kindly emailed in a couple of weeks ago to say basically that he thought the whole man academy was a great idea. Thanks, Dennis. And he was one of the people that took me up on the challenge last night of coming up with a life lesson through a story. So I'm going to read this one out to you, but bear in mind that he's a police officer from Toronto. So Dennis said. This happened to me in a Toronto airport where I had been stationed for a few years. Now, a couple of years ago, I was patrolling the departures area when I saw an elderly gentleman looking a bit confused or lost. Being the good guy that I am, I decided to ask him if he needed help. Well, it turned out that that gentleman was Christopher Lloyd, the crazy scientist from Back to the Future movies. I love those movies. I helped him find his gate and meanwhile had a wonderful conversation about movies, tattoos, Comic Con, Russian history, and different types of neck pillows. The life lesson was, even though sometimes it might not be in your job description, like giving directions to the passengers at the airport, but be a nice guy and help people. And who knows who you might meet and how it can improve your day or even change your life for the better. And that's a really important one, I think. You know, just helping people, especially at the moment, however you can, doesn't matter if it's someone elderly or not, always one of those good things that you do a good deed and hopefully it'll get returned either that day or at some point in the future in a bit of karma coming back around. So, Dennis, thank you for that valuable contribution. And yeah, if you've got any more little gems like that, feel free to let us know. The next one was, and I learned this probably too late in life, but don't put people on a pedestal. There is that thing of thinking that people are above you, or for some people, they think they're below you. But maybe I've been guilty of it in the past where you meet people and because they're doing well or they're. They're high profile, that for some reason you think that these people are better than you. So what I would always say to that one is, of course, respect people, but don't put them beneath you. And I always think it takes a special kind of person who does have a high profile or has got lots of money or something like that to help you understand that we are just all people at the end of the day. And the more that you go through life and you meet famous people or people with a high profile, you can weedle out the ones that think they're special and they really act like it, or ones that are quite humble and will actually give you the time of day. And I remember meeting someone quite famous a little while ago, and what did she say to me? She said, I'd like to remember as someone who was really friendly, which I thought was interesting, instead of the many other things she could say. So there's one for you. Not putting people on a pedestal is one you can remember. The next one on the list is, and this is a good one. You have the power to create the life that you want. Now I'll say that again. You have the power to create the life that you want. No one else is going to do it for you. Sometimes in life, people can go through the years hoping that they're going to be rescued by someone, but there's that saying, no one's going to do it for you. You have to put in the work yourself. And that's along the lines of a lot of the people I met through the personal development world, through the Tony Robbins events, when I went to Miami and where else did I go? Around the world. You met the people that had to take action, sometimes took risks, got out of their comfort zone. But actually it was really powerful because they owned it. They owned their success, however well they were doing. And it showed when you're getting around the right people. So again, have a look at the people that you spend time with. You know, that's one of the big things we've said before, I think, on one of the podcasts about, you know, if you. If you're around people that are negative and moan and, you know, kind of create that slightly dark atmosphere, they end up being like a mood hoover and you'll end up getting sucked into it, pardon the pun. But if you're around people that are positive, that know where they're going, that are focused, they encourage you, I think that's pretty priceless. And also being Aware of the power to create the life you want. That's a reflection of what you're consuming at the moment. So are you watching things on TV that are affecting you? We know that tv, it's not called TV programming for nothing. So what you're consuming, are you reading the mainstream news and looking at the fear porn that's always kind of pumped out there to keep you as clickbait, keep you looking at stuff, and ask yourself that question of how much inner work are you doing? You know, and that inner work could be meditation, could be spending time just focusing on what you want out of life, which is pretty priceless, to be honest, if you know that, you know, are you doing inner work on how you might be fulfilled? I don't know. Hit the old reply button when you get time and let me know. And actually, I learned something from one of the podcast guests. I mean, probably about 20 podcasts ago, Andy Murphy, who's now a friend of mine who lives out in the States, and his podcast was called Life by Design. And that helped me many, many years ago to think to myself, you know, if you did have to design the life that you really want, what would it be? And I'll give you a clue. For me, it wasn't sit in an office for 200 hours a month, so hence why I bailed out. But isn't that important if you sat down, I know, with a pen and paper, a bit old school there, but sit down and actually say, what are the few things I want in life? I don't know, what do I want to be remembered as? Who knows? There's a great thing, which is the rocking chair test, which is when you're back, you know, sitting back in your chair when you're about 80, how would you like to be remembered? And there's a question for you. How would you like to be remembered? I've said before, a loving, wonderful man, but I'm probably gonna add a few bits to that at some point now. A little bit of relationship advice, but also not just relationships for a partner, but actually for colleagues, friends, whatever. And I learned this, I don't know, about five or six years ago from a couple that were doing a podcast about relationships, you know, with you and your partner trying to keep on the positive relationship. And one of the things the guy said was that kind of stood him well in their. In their relationship was where the confusion can lie about what your partner is saying. What he said to me or what came through to me was his question of, he said, I always Say, what I'm hearing you say is X. And I've used it myself. Where, you know, men are from Mars, women are from Venus. So what you're saying and what your partner is saying and what you're hearing or what your partner hearing can be two completely different things. So I started to use that when I remembered of when my partner would say something to me. I would say, hold on a minute. What I'm hearing you say is this. And she'd say, what the fuck are you talking about? That's nothing. Like, I'm not saying that at all. What I'm saying is this. All right? So it always helps to clarify these things. It can probably lessen the amount of arguments you have, less than the amount of confusion and less than the times when, as a man, maybe you walk away and shut the door and you're like, what? How did that go so wrong? So there you go, that little saying, that little question in your head. What I'm hearing you say is. Anyway, so we've covered a few of the different ones there. Don't put people on a pedestal. You have the power to create the life you want. And again, even just sitting down, working out what you want first is the first step. We talked about helping people. We're talking about, what was it. Sometimes your worst day can be your best day. We also talked about not looking over someone's shoulder when they've got pictures of them completely naked in the hotel room, especially in their mid-60s and slightly overweight. It's not ideal, but. But the last one, and probably the most important thing for me, and especially in the last year, where people around the world have been having their freedoms taken away from them and missing out on the events, the birthdays, the Christmas was a classic. Birthdays, parties, weddings, et cetera, et cetera, is remember to have fun. Now, that's one of my highest values. I got to the stage where I was like, you know what? Generally in life, if things aren't fun, I'm not doing it anymore. If people that I'm around aren't much fun, they're probably going to get pushed out of the circle of trust. And that's why I left my job in the city, was it wasn't fun anymore. So have a think about that. How can you introduce more fun into your life? We said before, some people are mood hoovers. Maybe you need to again push them out of your circle of trust so you don't spend as much time with them. Maybe that could be quite priceless. But one of the ladies, who is a coach who spoke to me a couple of years ago and I said about how important it was to have to have fun in my life. And she said, so what are you doing at the moment for fun? And I was like, I don't really know how to answer that one. And she said it was a great question. How can you carve out more opportunities for fun in your life? And I was like, I don't know. Generally, for me, it's not so much what I'm doing, it's the people that I'm around. And she said, well, okay, so this week, how many people have you spoken to who you know, it'll be fun? And I was like, shit, that's a good one. Probably no one, like one or two people outside of my immediate family. She said, well, what could you do about it? I was like, well, I guess I could schedule in to kind of give those friends a call or jump on Zoom or do something. And guess what? I did. And that week, I spoke to one friend who was abroad, one friend in the UK, had a good laugh. I don't know, 10, 20 minutes. And that ticked my box and fulfilled my need for fun. So I always say, who could you reach out to who you haven't for a while, or spend more time with, who you have fun with? You know, fun is priceless, and at the moment, it's still allowed by the government, which is great news. So one of the things there is when you're having fun is forget about what other people think and learn to enjoy your life. That's one of the big golden nuggets that I got dropped on me a long time ago is forgetting what other people think. Learn to enjoy your life. Anyway, so that's a short pod. Today, again, if you haven't already, feel free to sign up to our E letter. Our next whole Mountain Academy Zoom call for guys around the world will be on the last Wednesday of April, which is something like the 28th, but don't quote me on that. And in the meantime, we hope you have a fantastic weekend wherever you are in the uk, It'll be Easter, so go easy on the eggs and enjoy your weekend. We'll be back next week with another slightly longer, but another great podcast for guys who want to do life better. Okay, I'm out of here.