EP123 - BECOME SUPER HUMAN - KYLE CARNOHAN | WHOLE MAN ACADEMY
Kyle Carnahan, a San Diego firefighter and father of five, shares his time-blocked daily routine and how he balances the trauma of firefighting with showing up for his family. He founded Superhuman Fathers to build peer communities where men practice consistency, discipline, and emotional honesty.
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Are you ready? This is the whole Man Academy podcast, episode 123. My guest today is Kyle Carnahan. I've checked his name, so don't it up. Founder of Superhuman Fathers. We're going to get into that. Also fireman, musician, skateboarder, father, effective body and mind transformation coach. So brother, how are you? Where are you?
We are, where are we, man? Where are we in time and where are we in life? Right.
Deep question.
In time. I'm 42 years old, 5 kids. 4. 4 boys starting from 16, 14, 10, 7. Then we have a 2 year old complete accident. Girl like rocked my goddamn world, bro. Yeah, yeah, that's where we are in life. And where we live is San Diego, California in the States and raised here. Surfing, skateboarding, punk rock life, you know, love it.
Action packed life. And I think that's, I mean, to study obvious. The weather's a lot better than it is in the UK and it's, it's about 4 degrees here and it's Friday afternoon and you know, I'll be wearing a hoodie all day because it's cold. But I just wanted for you, I mean you've got a lot going on at the moment when you've got to say you've got family, obviously, partner, you've got the business, all these different things going on. Where did Superhuman Fathers begin? Because I think it's such an interesting concept and it's very kind of aligned with what we've tried to create in the whole Man Academy, which is ultimately not just about like health or fitness, but helping a guy basically, you know, kind of improve his whole life.
Yeah, man, we, I mean when you're living it and you, you don't see it in others, you, you don't really see how important each aspect of your life is connected to the Other. So you live this life. And, and I've been living this life a long time, like a disciplined life where I'm really focused on progress and having good relationships and progressing in my income, building my kingdom, building my body, getting smarter about what? Nutrition. Just, that was my obsession. That was my life. And I, I thought I was just a below average kind of dumb dude, you know, blue collar fireman. So that was my life. Humbly going through life, learning from people. Well, I started to open my mouth a little bit and started getting people asking me questions. And what I found was, man, you guys are up out there. Really, really, really up. And, And I really care about you people. Like, I really do. Like, it hurts me to know what goes on behind closed doors and to know how difficult it is for these guys to break out of their, their personal darkness and be stuck.
Yeah.
And want progress and then make commitments and then not follow through again and feel like a failure. Start to hate themselves, lose their respect, lose. Lose respect to their wives, losing respect to their kids. And now they're coming home from a work, a job that they hate, working with people that they hate, and then bringing that home to their family and just spewing negativity all over their kids for their entire life. Then they get old and then husband and wife either get divorced or they hate each other and then they die. And that's the majority of people.
We call it a silent struggle.
I didn't know how bad it was out there. I had no idea. And I didn't know how different I was. But I'm different. Very, very different. I had no idea.
And at what point, because how many years or what age I should say, did you start as a fireman?
I was actually. I went to EMT school when I was 28 years old.
Right.
Little later. And I didn't get hired full time. Was volunteering, but I didn't get hired full time till 30 and I'm 42.
Were you interested in from a young age, like optimizing your, let's say, health fitness, you know, having low body fat, being muscular from a young age or. Because some guys, there's a, there's something that happens in their life that makes them interested in it, but for others, they've kind of like, maybe like yourself, always been interested in it. And it's amazing how much knowledge you'll have gained over those 20, 30, 40 years.
Yeah. I mean, Hulk Hogan, freaking Ultimate Warrior, GI Joe, LA Thundercats, bro. Every video game, Contra, like everybody, every cartoon, every video game. When we Were kids, they were all jack dudes. He man, to me, I was just like, I gotta be jacked. But I found myself in my 20s and I was like, looking in the mirror and I'm like, I'm not jacked. I was like, I'm not. And I. I'm like, how do you do this? So I'd like, eat protein and. And I'd lift weights, and it. Nothing would really happen. So then after two weeks, I'd be like, it just doesn't work. And then I'd be off a month, and then I'd be like, I'm try again. Then I'd do like a month, and then I'd be like, doesn't work. Then I would quit for two months. And then, you know, nobody told me, like, hey, bro. Like, no, you got to go every day for years. Yeah, Like, I didn't know that. I. I just figured genetically I couldn't do it.
Yeah, wasn't working.
And then what do you know? Show up every day, go to failure on every set for five years, and make sure you know exactly your carbs, fats, and proteins you're eating every day. And they're built in for a plan. Do that for five years. Watch it. Watch what happens to your body, like, and don't miss. That's the power of consistency in a relationship, in a business, and building your body, it's like, that's the magic, you know? I didn't know that.
I think it's so important because I tell you what always makes me laugh sometimes when you'll hear women that say, oh, if I go to the gym, I don't want to. I don't want to get too big and bulky. And I'm like, listen, do you know how many men are desperate to, you know, like, you say, hitting the gym, eating the right stuff, and it's so hard. But, you know, I found years of that. So I had a collapsed lung when I was about 20, and I was never particularly big. I was. I was playing football and stuff like that, but I couldn't do any exercise at all for six months, which was really hard, more mentally than physically. And it was then that I was like, do you know what? I want to kind of get a. Let's call it a cover model body where you actually had proper muscles. But I love that journey of learning. And I realized how much I didn't know. And like you say, then probably five or six years into it, I realized that other guys would ask me and say, well, what do you suggest? Because there's so much conflicting advice out there.
I just, I simplify everything. Like that's why people hit me up and they're like, I'm like, you want some information on like body composition? Like I can just give you the, the formula.
Yeah.
Like you don't have to join our coaching. Like I can just tell you how to do it. You can get it off YouTube.
You know, it's not, it's all out.
There, you know, so like people join us because they want to be around other savages. Because I attract this kind of person to be around me that is very like minded. And when you get in this magical place of people that are all this savage and this on this level of attack, like you can't help but progress. And so like membership into superhuman fathers, your greatest benefit is because you have coaches that are living this to the T and you're surrounded by other men that are fully committed where in your regular life you're like, I'm going to try to get ripped. And people are like, that's dumb. Who are you trying to prove something to? And you're like, I want to build a $100 million business. And they're like, you'll never do that. That's stupid. Why do you need that much money? And you know, and you're just like, I want to be the best dad ever. They're like, don't be the best dad. Just be a normal, average dad. Like, this is what we're surrounded by. And that's what you will be. You're like. Because you'll get talked out of it, you know, But I'm, I'm sorry, I totally went off on a tangent.
I'll tell you what, you've just hit on a point. There is when you look at the. I, I've never. Well, okay, I'm very much less a fan of the media these days, but also the television programming, hence why it's called programming. But when you see how fathers are portrayed these days, especially in cartoons like your Homer Simpson and Family Guy, what have you, they're all fat, stupid and useless basically. And you look, you just said it a minute ago. You look back at when you and I, and I'm 40, I'll be 45 in a few weeks or in a few months time, I should say so. You know, we grew up with similar TV viewing and you would see your he man, people like that who were, you know, a mountain of a man. And now you look and it's as if there's a, you know, there's a kind of a slow drip agenda to like take masculinity away, basically.
Yeah. You know, those, those characters, those cartoon characters are, you know, there's so many of them, they're just like idiot ads. It's like in the 80s, the dads were all jacked and just like crushing life. And then, then it was like late 90s into the 2000s, and they just turned into these little like fat, you know. You know, we were talking about like, what, what. My advice for fitness is so, like, very simple. Know your carbs, fats and proteins. Like, know that.
Yeah.
Know what, how many you need for you download an app that calculates it. Like my fitness pal or whatever. There's a couple of them out there.
Yeah.
And then input your food. Like literally that's the most important thing that someone can do to affect their body composition. And then focus on resistance training as your number one exercise. So anything above that, any cardio would be like, we call it a bonus burn.
Yeah.
And should you do that? Yeah, you should do that. Do you have to? No, you don't have to, but it is very good to do cardio. But make sure you get your lifting in lifting. Best way I see is push, pull legs. Do like chest, shoulders and, and triceps one day and then back, biceps, rear delts the next day and then, and then your third day, do legs, quads, hamstrings, glutes, calves.
Yeah, just rotate that.
Just rotate it.
Yeah.
You probably should take days off, but I don't because days off happen goes down. Right. So especially with kids.
And I mean, we'll, we'll get on to that because that's, I think for the guys, the average guy listening to this, you know, will be kind of like 30 to 50 and has probably got kids or maybe, you know, kids away and work, job, all that stuff. And half the time it's, it's balancing what, you know, what else you've got to do. And especially for guys, I'm not. I worked in the city for years, so I used to get up at half past five, get to my desk at 6:45 in the morning, stay there till five or six, and then take clients out for the evening. You might get home at three in the morning and then you'd go back to work again. And even then I still, three or four days a week, if not more, still managed to find time to hit the gym because I felt like I had to for my, for my mind as well. So how do you help guys, you know, juggle the, the Joys of, of work, health, fitness, eating the right things because preparation is part of it as well. And of course partner kids and everything.
Yeah. Compress time. Create time. Time block. That's it. Create time, Compressed time. Time block. Like you have, you have to, you got to have systems in place. I mean you want to be jacked and lean and feel good and eat healthy. You want to have an amazing like next level marriage that like people are like, how, how do you even have that relationship with your wife? You want to be this admired, respected, like leader to your kids where they're just like, damn, that's my dad. You know. And you want to make a ton of money, right? That too. And, and you want to be spiritually connected too. Right. You need to have time where you connect with your God. And so how do you do that? You gotta have a wake up time that is non negotiable. And those mornings are so sacred. Every minute of those mornings are blocked. You know exactly what you're going to do at exactly what time in spirituality and production and fitness.
Yeah.
And like, like I'm by seven o'. Clock. I've done more than most people do in an entire week. Like, yeah, like I just have it planned out and I'm so like practice now. Like I'll have all my Instagram posts done, I'll have my meditation done, I'll have my own personal journal writing done and I'll have part of my book written.
Yeah.
And I'll have a workout done where I worked out with my son and my wife. So we had that connection time. And I'm home by 7.
Yeah.
Getting kids ready for school.
So what time would alarm go off in the morning? And I, I always wonder, would you. Because what temperature does it get to down there? Because obviously over here we've had, you know, a few weeks ago it was like minus 12 or something. So when you get up at that time in the morning, it's, it's, it's that much more of a struggle because it's freezing than it is when it's dry and bright.
That's why I go right into a cold shower because you, you're out there suffering and I'm here in warm San Diego. It's like, it's probably, I don't know, in the winter. I don't know, it's like 40 degrees or something. But, but yeah, I think about you winter people. I'm like, damn, that cold, that cold.
It is, it does. And I know, you know, people can't use it as an excuse. But I certainly felt like it affected me like in the winter when it wouldn't. It would still be dark until 8 o' clock in the morning.
It is definitely a valid excuse. We say fuck your valid excuses because your valid excuses are the things that are going to destroy and hold you back forever. But it's definitely a valid excuse. I mean that shit is no joke. When you wake up and it's like you won your warm bed and the colder it is outside of your bed. Harder. Get out, man. Good. But there is so much benefit to that. The more it sucks, the more you are adapting to suffering, the more you're going to thrive in any environment and be crush anything. Because all of this we're trying to do, it requires sacrifice, it requires pain, it requires discomfort. Requires it. And so if we get really good at that, we're gonna thrive. And so anytime you can put yourself in a position where you have to do some that you don't want to do that makes you uncomfortable. You're just going to get better at it and you're going to be in the game. The thing with, with, with that level of like hopping in the like. I don't care what you've done in the past, if you're not in it right now, in the, in a regiment of just putting yourself in uncomfortable situations, you'll lose it so fast. Yeah, I think there's a muscle memory to it, but you will lose it.
I think that's one of the, the sad things for a lot of guys I speak to is that, you know, sometimes you can look at how you used to be and realize one day you turn around and you've. And you've kind of diminished either mentally, physically, with your power. You'll laugh because I played football last week as in soccer football for the first time like a proper match in 10 years. I do other stuff but you know, I haven't played for a proper team. And I was after 20 minutes because it's a. It was a different fitness to totally my gym work. Yeah. And a part of me was pissed off because you know, sometimes the ball would be there and the 25 year old me would have got that ball but I just miss it or just mistime it or something. And I was like, like this is the decline. But I think for a lot of guys also, I mean you've got obviously lots of kids. What was it like during. Especially when you. Because what were the age ranges of them? Did you say again? So at what point did you have.
Little team 1410, 7 and 2.
So those kind of years when you had, you know, maybe a newborn baby, then, you know, a three or four and maybe a six year old, what was that like? And because did they sleep okay?
Savage, bro. I'm a savage. I work at a firehouse that like runs night calls. Then I come home to a baby that doesn't sleep. Yeah, I'm a savage. Like, you're not gonna stop me. I don't care if I get sleep or not. I have. I'm gonna do and I'm gonna show up. When you get that level of attack, when you make that level of commitment to yourself, life is on fire. You're unstoppable. So your future that you see, you have so much hope because you depend on yourself. You see, guys don't understand. They make excuses and they don't follow through. And all they're doing is up their belief in themselves, in the future. So me, all I see is a bright, beautiful, amazing, bountiful future because I know I'll do the work regardless of what happens. But see, you start to doubt yourself because you don't show up and you don't fall through with what you say you're going to do. You start to doubt your future. Now, who else doubts their future? Your wife? They look at you and they're like, I don't know about this guy. I don't. I don't know if he's going to follow through. When I tell my wife something psychotic like, hey, superhuman father is going to be a hundred million dollar empire, she's like, I know.
Yeah.
She sees me showing up and doing the work, she knows that I'm going to make it happen regardless. I'll die trying. She knows that too. She's like, you might die, but it's either going to happen or you're going to kill yourself. Yes, well, that's not a healthy way to live, Kyle. Well, I don't want to be around that. Aren't pushing it. Like, I don't. I. I don't want to get drained by their energy. Right?
Yeah.
So I love people. Don't get me wrong. Like, I'll die for you. I love you, but I only want to be around you if you want to be better. If you don't want to be better and you're already dead inside. Get the out of here. I don't want to be around you. I don't want to feel your energy. The second you light up and you're like, bro, I'm in. Let's go. I'm like, come on, I'll do anything for you.
Yeah.
But I cannot afford to have dead weight in my life.
You know, I think that's. It's probably something that a lot of guys are lacking at the moment because. And I. And I said on a podcast, a few just before Christmas with a chat called Neil Kramer, who is based out in Washington state, but actually from the uk, And I said, life is so easy for a lot of men at the moment. You know, we said, before you pick your phone up, order yourself a coffee, drop it to your door. You know, all your shopping can be delivered. Anything you want be delivered. And you can sit and play your PlayStation and just not do a lot. And you're like, there's not a lot of. There might be some mental struggle, but there's certainly not much physical struggle for a lot of men. And I wonder if you, with the superhuman fathers, are you then getting guys, you know, because part of it is, like, building community as well. It's our community, getting those together. So do you then do, like, events where you either say camping or anything like that, where you're getting out all together?
So we have six roundtable meetings via Zoom, and then four open coaching hours. So there's 10 opportunities to connect. We're doing our first event in March, and we're gonna. We're gonna have 25 guys, and we're gonna teach them how to surf. It's gonna be rad because we have guys all over the country that don't go to the ocean or haven't ever surfed.
Yeah.
But we're gonna have a little surfcation. We'll have some speakers. We'll. We'll eat some good food and, like, have. We'll have. We'll do some breath work, which, like, I'm not a real hippie dippy dude, but I did some of that and I was like, oh, okay, I get it. I get it. Yeah. If you ain't done that with someone who's good, who does breath work and have you do, like, the hyperventilation style breathing, like, you'll see. God, isn't that.
See what you've just said so important? Because I think for One of my big things in life now is realizing that you should try. I'm not saying you should try everything once, but don't write anything off.
Really should, man. Like, open your heart and your mind and listen and, like, get. We say it all the time. Get weird. Get weird. Don't. Don't put yourself in this box of like. Well, yeah, no, that's, that's dumb. Or you know, like we say, and I'm like, don't get this wrong, but guys like us, they'll say, oh, that's gay. You know, which like I've no, I have zero problems with gays, whatever. Like I, I, I, they, I have employees, I have friends. Like. Yeah, but growing up in the 90s, like that was the term, right?
Yeah.
It's like, well that shit's gay. And it's like, and that's, that's like what I was ingrained. Like I went dancing with my wife the other day and I have this ingrained in my head of like, let's gay. And it's like you're so, you're so brainwashed in this box that it's gonna not let you connect with your wife.
Yeah.
You know, so I've had to like completely deconstruct that and be around people that are just open minded about like being, being that. Yeah, the alpha that'll stand up and tear people's heads off. But at the same time, like, you got to be open, loving, caring, approachable and like, and, and be open minded, open hearted and like learn, you know.
Be able to turn it on and off as well. Haven't you? Because as you said, you know, you, you want there to be especially with your kids. You know, my, my little ones are five and a half and three and a half and they're little, little boys who are still trying to find out how the world works. And sometimes they need daddy energy, sometimes they need mummy energy.
Yeah.
Sometimes I shout at them and I, I don't want to shout, but actually it's funny how they, I don't know, often they'll come up to me and, and it's trying to mix things up with them a little bit because if you just ask them softly all the time, they just basically walk all over you, which I find quite amusing. But we've got another baby arriving in April, so we'll have three. I don't know if it's gonna be a boy or girl, but we'll have three by then. And only a man like yourself can understand the challenges of kids as well as, as juggling everything else. But I was going to ask you with, with the fire service, I've interviewed one or two guys who have served and then since retired or were still actively serving. And what was that like as experience for you? Because to state the obvious, it's not just a job where you're just doing a job at some point. You are Risking your life. And I just wondered what that was like for you.
You know, the most stressful thing about that job was the social aspect of being in that tribe. Coming in and not knowing the rules or how the culture works and having a high respect for these men and then having him. This crush you, you know, like, because you're. You're under this microscope of everything that you do. They're watching and critiquing you. Most people are so terrified of critique. So now you're put in very high stressful situations where people's lives are on the line, decisions matter. And then you have this whole, like, tribe of savages that are just waiting to, like, destroy you for your stupid mistakes. But what does that do for you? Makes you invincible and hard, as you know, because you get used to being under that level of scrutiny all the time and that level of pressure. Like an acute moment of stress. Such an incredible education for me to be around those type of men and to have to deal with that when I'm not naturally. That, like, I'm not naturally someone who deals well under pressure. Like, I'm not naturally someone who steps up in leads. That's not my. The way I was born or raised. So to have that now as a skill set that I can use as a father and life as a business owner, man, I couldn't be more grateful to those guys that rode my ass and, like, made a grown man cry multiple times. But, yeah, it was a great adventure. I'm still, you know, I'm still on the books. I. I really want to go back. I have four months of a leave of absence. I just don't know if I'm going to be able to juggle everything with the business and going back to the firehouse considering the fact that, like, I do not need the income.
You know, what was the. What was the. Because again, it's. It's the going in and dealing with people that are going through trauma as well. And I just wondered, how do you. How do you compartmentalize that and come home and have a normal, you know, hey, the kids are having dinner with me. When you've just dealt with maybe people dying or burning or all the different stuff that you have to deal with, that.
That is the whole reason why this started, Superhuman Fathers is based off that concept right there. Because when you come home after three, four days, minimal sleep, you just saw a kid get crushed by a car and die, and then, you know, you had some other happen, and then maybe there was some, even some drama in the firehouse. With a relationship with somebody because you're, you're in this family of alphas. So you got, you got relationship stress. You've got the stress of the shit that you saw. And then you get the pressure of that. Then you come home to the family and you haven't slept. I would walk in the door sometimes and I would just be dead, dead inside. I should want to see my wife and kids, but I didn't want to see him. I didn't care. I was just apathetic, man. I was just burnt out. My emotions were crushed. And so I would find myself starting to get very irritated very easily, immediately, as soon as I walked in the door, like, to the point of, like, I never was violent, but like, definitely verbally on the edge of verbally abusive and wanting and wanting to be violent. Like I wanted to. And that was a trip because I, I grew up a pretty, like, mellow, mellow kid, you know? So what I found was this power of getting outside of my own head and seeing myself from an outside view and then having this conversation with myself. These are just chemicals in your head. They're chemicals. They don't run your life. You make the decisions, right? Like you are the leader to this family and how are you going to earn your own self respect, you're going to respond appropriately. And what is it that really matters in your life? The relationship with my wife and me, controlling my emotional reactions with my kids. That's the only thing that matters. And so I put that, I took emotions out, put that AT as priority number one. And so in those moments, I would just remind myself, these are chemicals in my head. And just like on a call at, at the firehouse, when you get a fire or whatever, like, there's objectives. And so my objective was that entire day to not snap, be sarcastic, or be a dick.
It's not easy.
No, it's not. It takes a high level of awareness.
Yeah.
And a couple things we found. What is the exact same awareness muscle that it takes? Same one to keep out of your mouth. The same one to stop yourself from having that extra beer. The same one that you use for any level of discipline, to get yourself up early in the morning when you don't want to and you're groggy in the head. Awareness and action. And so I, I've been able to learn how to shake it off, even amidst my own inner turmoil and still show up for my family, even though I'm all up in the head in that moment. And I realized that's what we Came up with the idea of our slogan. We do the most, we need the least.
Yes. Gonna ask you about that. Yeah.
Don't need. And that's it. I don't need anything from these people. I don't need anything from God. I don't need anything. I don't need happy feelings. I don't need anything. For me, I'm here for the objective. And the objective is to be an epic father, an epic leader, and to give my wife the man that she needs. That's it. So my feelings, I don't care anymore. And guess what happens? Freedom.
Yeah.
Like, freedom, it just lets loose. It's like the tension releases, and then you're like, exactly what I didn't need, I just received.
Yeah.
And by serving them at such a level, your wife starts to do the same to you. And then you start to have these emotional moments of gratitude again. But you have to take a step in the dark, a step of faith, and just let go. And I'm not saying it's going to be easy. Like, you're still going to have moments of inner turmoil that you're going to have to deal with, but it will be less. It will. You will be released from that. And, and, and now, like I tell my guys, like, I don't want. I don't want to take you away from the pain. I actually don't want to rescue you from the darkness. I want you to become that man amidst the darkness, amidst your pain, amidst your depression and your anxiety. I don't even care if you're depressed or anxious. Stop running from it. Just accept it. This is how it is. And then create the man that you need to be amidst that, and you'll find that it will actually start to dissipate.
You said about freedom, and I think for a lot of guys that I've spoken to on the podcast or through the whole man academy, a lot of them are often, you know, kind of living as a shadow of what they could really be because they're worried about what other people think. And, you know, I always say, you know, it's. It's not your job in life to make everybody happy. You know, ideally, keeping the. Those you love close to you happy. And also with social media these days, there's always the comparison of looking at, thinking everybody else is doing better than you. But I wondered, now you've been married for, what is it, 20 years? 21 years?
20.
What has that always been? And I, I know that say the word smooth sailing, but, you know, I know some people that Seem to have very. What's the word? Up and down marriages. And I just wondered, you know, what's been like the, the challenges of marriage for that long, especially having kids and being a fireman and all that stuff as well, because it all brings its own tests to you.
It's lack of connection and laziness. Those two things up your marriage. That's what I. That's what I. Up just like every other dude. Because, like, we'll come home from work and we're like, oh, we're so tired. We. We did it. We brought in the money. Socks are on the ground, dishes in the sink, trash isn't taken out. The kids, baby needs a diaper change. You know, just everywhere. And you're like. And then you start nagging your wife like, you can't clean this place up. You know, I work for this, I work for this family. You can't clean this place up. You just, your whole life up. You just pull yourself away from your wife. And now you, you just. You up your whole life by that comment and even that attitude. If you were to come home with a smile and just give your wife a big hug and tell her, thank you so much for everything you do for this family amidst this hole of a house and dirty toilets and, and you're in your head, you're just like, do you even do anything around here?
Right?
But imagine being stuck at home with those kids all day, right? You come home, you take an hour, and you just clean the house. I know it's a crazy concept because, oh, well, do I have to do everything around here? You're a. And you're gonna have a shitty marriage and your life's gonna suck. Just clean the house and tell your wife you love her. Watch what happens, right? So that's one serve. Never sit down when your wife is working. Don't be that. That sits on the couch and watches TV while his wife brings him a plate or plays video games like an eight year old. Yeah. Kidding me. Like, you have a family. You have a body to take care of, and you have money to make for your wife and your kids. You're setting an example. I'm not saying you can't ever play video games, but. But it better be with your kids for a purpose. But if you're like, all right, the kids are asleep and wife's in bed. I'm gonna play some games till two in the morning like, you, You're a terrible father. Like, get your life together like my, My little brother. That was him. That was him. Before he got his together. If you, if you look on my Instagram, you find my brother's transformation. Yeah, you'll see a picture of you before, then you'll see a picture after. When you started getting rid of the bullshit in your life. And now he's the president of my company, runs my whole coaching program. It's changing people's lives every day. Like you want to live a life of impact that literally changes people's lives just with your presence. Start putting the baby shit away and focus on the things that are important.
Yeah, I think that's so important these days where again, you'll, you'll have guys that will just be like gaming all the time and then say they haven't got time to work out. And you're like, really? Like, let's, let's do a quick breakdown of what the you do with your time. And if you're, you know, if you haven't got time to work out, but you're sitting watching football for two hours, then even if you go and get a kettlebell and watch football whilst you're working out, it's better than nothing.
Sure, man, that's, that's, that's epic. Like, good for you. Like the guy that does that, like does his workout while he watches football. Like red.
Yeah. Bit of multitasking. Well, let's talk about not just fatherhood as in you being a father, but you'd written, you'd said on your Instagram 30 years ago, my father would take me to the same beach. We had the same moment over and over again for years. It connected us in a way that few other things could. I crave those mornings. I loved my childhood and appreciate my dad's friendship. Now I pass that down to mine. I just wanted for you. So with your dad, what's your earliest memory of being with your dad? Because it's so important of how a guy, how, you know, how a boy's dad has shown up around them.
That was a very special writing for me because I've been giving my dad a lot of. I've been giving a lot of. About being an old school dad, not helping my mom. And you know, if I really step back, I see a man that loved his kids so much, that never raised his voice to his wife or his kids. Not once.
Yeah, not once.
And here I am, you know, struggling to not be such an to my wife and kids where he had it figured out. But all I could do is just bust his balls for what he didn't do. And I think we do that with our dads a lot. And so as I get older, I'm starting to see, you know, the truly the amazing man that he was and the things I learned that I wanted to do better. And I hope my kids see the same thing in me, good and the bad, and they learn from the dumb that I do also, you know. But yeah, my, my dad was a. My earliest memories of surfing, man. Surfing. And in these early cold mornings and it was like the sun was just barely coming up and the water just looked like pure glass. And it was so magical as a kid to like have my wetsuit on and feel the water on my toes and push my board out and kind of like jump on it, you know, and skid on my board and then start to paddle. Yeah, and you get that first duck dive. And then the water is like, you get an ice cream headache when you first do the duck dive, you know, and the sun's poking up and then I paddle right out next to this jetty and there's maybe like 15 guys out, but I just get right out to the peak because I just got around the jetty and I get the first wave and I drop in on this wave as just like a little kid and I see my dad just beaming, you know, like, damn, that's my boy, you know, I love it. Wave. And then he catches one and I watch him surf and like, he'll like hit the lip and spray me while I'm paddling out, you know, my big 250 pound big ass dad cutting back and spraying my face. So those are, those are special memories that, you know, I've now had with my kids, which just been passed down now.
You know, I think it's so important and I've said on plenty of podcasts, a lot of the guys I've either done some coaching with or interviewed or what have you. Like, so much of their own childhood with their dad has shaped how they have kind of reacted to the world. And some of them that were that their dads weren't around or they were around and they were useless, they ended up being quite angry with the world. And, and you wonder sometimes whether actually, you know, whether you. They just wanted their dad at one point to say like, I love you or something like that. So I say that all the time to Mikey. I just literally my dad was here this afternoon. I mean, it's quarter to five now, but I, we, we had a door that the lock had broken and I, I tried, but I just couldn't get the thing Open and I had to put that call in, but my dad was around within a couple of hours with his, with his head torch and all his kit and he managed to undo it and I gave him a hug when he left and you know, it's his birthday tomorrow. But I'm so lucky and probably like yourself to not just have a dad that you realize was there for you, but also that you have a chance to reflect on what they did and you know, what kind of how you can impart it on to others. But I then wanted to go on to. I know you'd said with Parker, so your son, as long as I'm not mistaken, you'd written, he didn't know how to connect in his new man body. He needed quality time, adventure and challenge. If you're struggling to connect with your teenager, make sure you're living in a way that demands respect, not with your words, but your actions. So I just wonder if you could talk us through that because I'm sure a lot of guys will have been or be either listening or watching this who will have teenage, either boys or girls. And you know, no one writes a rulebook on how it should go. So I just wonder if you could talk a bit about that. Like the kids needing quality time, adventure and challenge.
Yeah. Like, if you're a weak little dork with nothing valuable to give, like, your kids are not going to respect you. Like, so build a life that they respect. Like, be the cool kid at school. That's your job as a dad. Well, that's dumb, Kyle. Like, I'm me. Well, be the best you. That's savage as. So that your kids are like, I want to be like my dad.
Yeah, right.
So like, and. And what does that take? That just takes developing yourself into a very confident, consistent, dependable, skillful and valuable man. Just takes time and effort and consistency. Build that man so that your kids can look at you and respect you. So that your wife can look at you and be proud and respect the man that you are. But see, if you ain't proud of yourself and you know, like, you look in the mirror like, am I, Am I doing it? Yeah, like if. If you are, if you're disappointing yourself, so is everybody else. So build the man that you're proud of. You know, this concept for some reason gets so lost. It's very strange. We sit here and just make excuses why we can't do. Rather than being like, we have to do this. We have to become this. My greatest gift to my wife and my kids is me so why wouldn't I create somebody very, very special and different for them? You know, like, that's. That's the key to this thing. Otherwise, when you talk, they ain't gonna listen to you because they're like, I don't want to be like you. Like, you're talking. You should do this, you should do that. And they're like, okay, I'll do all the opposite things of that, because then I might turn out like you.
Yeah. I was doing a talk a couple of months ago, and on one of the slides, I said. And it was talking about parenthood. And I said, be an example. Even when you think no one is watching, because it's one of those things that. To be like, oh, well, I. I won't do the stuff that I know I should because no one's around, but then, you know, I'll just kind of pretend. And I see that so much with young boys these days that, I mean, kids in, you know, in this country are being taught they can change their gender from 5, 4 years old and. And God knows what else, which is so confusing for kids. And I look at the kids now who are, you know, teenagers, and I wonder who they look up to for direction or what have you. And I wondered for you, not necessarily growing up, but let's say in the last, you know, say, 10 or 15 years, are there people that you've followed that are maybe slightly further ahead in their journey than you were or where you wanted to be? Anybody in particular who you've kind of followed their work?
Yeah, there's a lot of firemen that in the firehouse that I would connect with, and then I'd fight. I'd see things in them that I really admired, and then I would work on that thing, and then I would get there, and then I would see things in that same person that I'm like, nah, no, they're actually kind of up. Right. So I glom on somebody else, and I take some superpowers from them, and then I would just keep moving on and finding these pieces. And then for me, recently, it has been the guys that I'm really, like, learning from right now, or Wes Watson is just, what my hands down, like, he's my. One of my main coaches. He'll. He's just foundation for me. And you'll notice even a lot of the things that I say are similar to what he says, because we just. We just align on so many things. And then I can take a lot of his message and bring it to fatherhood. I've been really into, like, wake Up Warrior has been cool. Garrett White is an interesting character. Yeah, he is very, like, I'm very drawn to him. You know, he. He's. He's just a very polarizing human, and he doesn't give a. I love it. I think I love people that, like, I don't even need to agree with people. Like, I just love people that know who they are and they. And they put it out and they're not afraid of the backlash, you know, because there's a freedom there in. In yourself. And the other thing I like about him is his opinions change over time, and he's not afraid of that, and he's not afraid to say when he was wrong, but he can speak his mind clearly and freely in the moment that he's in and not be afraid of backlash, of changing his mind in the future. And so I'm finding this sweet place in my life now where I can just speak my mind. And if someone hates me for it, then them. Like, I don't hate people for what they say. Yeah, I forgive people when they change their mind. I forgive myself if I said something to offend someone or I said it wrong or I have to re. Clarify. I forgive myself. So I expect people to forgive me. And if they don't, then off.
Yeah, I think you said there. It's. Especially now with so many, you know, with things online, it's not just people in your communities. It's usually. I mean, you rarely have people around you that will disagree. It will be the people online that when you'll have written something, they'll be like, with their little keyboard.
Yeah, yeah. And I do appreciate them. I actually. I really do because it's this resistance to question yourself, which is very important. So when people resist what I say, I really like that because I'm. I'm. I'm figuring out, you know, I'm just going with really where I'm drawn and what I feel. And I know I say some polarizing, but that's on my heart. That's just on my heart and my mind. So I speak it. And then the best way to work through it and learn is to let. Put it out there, take some heat, you know, and if you're driven by love and open like, you're. You're gonna be drawn to the right place, you know, you're gonna find answers, things.
Also, I think it's. It's exhausting. I've said for the podcast, like, I say whatever I want and with no filter, and therefore, you're either like, what I say or it doesn't resonate with you. But if it does, then great, you'll be a, you know, a guy alongside me. And if not, then you'll go and find someone else who you find as interesting. But even with Wake Up, Warrior, I mean, I thought it was really good how, like, you said, he. You know, he's got very strong opinions on. On the jabs, which have been rolled out, and all the different things. And I'm like, great, you show me all these opinions, but so many different opinions, if they were the wrong opinion, were being censored in the last two years, which I found a real frustration because you'd. You'd say, listen, you know, on various things, we're not being shown what we should be being shown, and you're making decisions about that. But at least he was one that said, you know what? Fuck it. I will. You know, I will say what I think, and if you don't like it, you can shove it.
Yeah, And I, like, I want to hear what people have to say. I want. I want to hear the sides, and I want to make my brain turn in a knot and think about things and make my opinion. But if you're not hearing other people's sides, you can't ever really know. You know, you can't challenge yourself to really, really understand what you believe and what you stand for.
I think it's so important. And these days, you've got guys who are afraid to say anything, afraid to have an opinion because someone won't like it. And you're like, dude, that's not living. You know, that is kind of sitting at the back of a class with your thumb up your ass.
It's so true. And I mean, I. I still am afraid. Like, I'm afraid of the reproach of man. I know it doesn't seem like it the way I talk, but sometimes when things leave my mouth, I'm like, oh, shit, that could go. That could go south for me. But. But I don't want to censor myself anymore. I want to talk to the world the same way I would talk with a friend behind closed doors. Because to me, that is real authenticity, and the world needs authentic people. Authenticity is absolute power. It is superpower. And. And if we could get more people there, I mean, that's what I work on with my men, to be authentic with themselves first, then authentic with their wives and then with the world. You know, how many men are fake as with themselves and their wives? They're just so Full of lies. They lie to themselves. They hold back from their wife. If you're holding anything back from your wife, you cannot spiritually connect at the level at which you possibly could. You have no idea what the connection you can have with your wife when you're completely and utterly open with her, with everything, all your addictions, your fears, your struggles, your dreams. Like if you can share that with her, even though it's awkward and uncomfortable, but you can go there and take her there. You're afraid of showing your secret self. It's your secret self that will connect you to her and she'll love you more for it.
That's. I bet that some of the guys, even as you said that for me, but I bet some of the guys that fucking heads exploding because you're like, you know, so many, especially when I worked in the city. So for 20 years I would sit, you know, in a, basically in a room as a, as a money markets broker with, you know, three or four hundred other guys and you'd see a completely different guy. At Christmas the wives and the girlfriends were allowed to come in on one day with the kids and the guys would be like, hey darling, hi, how are you doing? And then when they're gone, you're like, what the are you speaking like that for? You're totally different. So I, I've been working on that, of trying to, you know, be as open and honest with my partner Emma as I can. But it's programming.
Yeah, it's. It is a reprogram, you know, like emotionally, sexually, everything just. It's a reprogramming of being completely your true self, open hearted and real with your wife. And we haven't done. I didn't, I wasn't like that for like 15 years of our marriage. So I had to just like go into this very uncomfortable place of these conversations that were like, very uncomfortable.
Yes.
And so this is going back to like doing hard.
Yeah.
Like being able to get into the difficult position to make the progress that you need. It's always going to be.
There's a challenge for guys. And even as we were talking, I was thinking like this evening, you know, sometimes I've got loads more work to do because I got derailed today by two hours by this locked door that we couldn't get open. But it's like, make sure I interviewed them. A pastor called Jim Kyles who's based out in Texas a couple of months ago. And he was very much, you know, never take away the time from your family. Like if you need to do other stuff like exercise or whatever. Go and do it at night or in the morning, but make sure you're there for your kids. But one of the things I wanted to touch on was. Was food. Because, I mean, you're a big guy and you have. I would. I would guess you eat a lot. And I. I'm not massive, but I also eat a lot. And people always used to say to me, if you keep it like that, you'll get fat. And I was at, what, Loads of meat. Like, good quality meat and fish and eggs and. And cheese and vegetables. I think I'll be okay. So what are your things that you eat as a. Not just as yourself, but as a family as well. Big into meat?
Yeah, I mean, I like. It's like meat, fruit, vegetables. Pretty much like, that's pretty much it. I'll have some Greek yogurt and, like, some cottage cheese. Every once in a while I do protein scoops. Not a ton, but, like, I'll do some protein powder, but, like, that's pretty much it, man. I give myself, like, some wheat bread. That's like, my treat. Now. This is fairly recent. Like, I've been doing this for, like, three months now where I'm just completely gotten rid of all the. Yeah, you get a really good physique. Like, you don't have to do that. In fact, it's not actually the answer because you can still eat too much when eating whole foods. You can, like, you can get fat eating whole foods. Guys do it. They'll usually eat a lot of avocados, a lot of nuts, a lot of really, really fatty cuts of meat and then like, just stuff themselves. So it is possible to gain fat eating whole foods. Difficult. Like, you gotta try.
Yeah. You've got to work at it.
Process and, like, treats and chips. Like, not a. Not a problem, McDonald's. Like, you're gonna get fat very easily, right? Yeah, very, like. Like just calorically dense, but just not. Not big food, but tons of calories in them. For me, the reason why I did that is not for any health reasons at all. It was spiritually. I was pulled in that direction. It's like, time to give up the. Like.
Yeah, you.
You lead men who have addictions and you are trying to still hold on to yours.
Whoa.
Like, that was the message I received, was like, you're gonna lead a. You're gonna lead a nation of men, but you're too much of a. To give up your own addictions. And my addictions at this point, just little processed food. Snacks, you know? Yeah, I was still ripped, but I could get away with eating some because I'm already there, you know, and then I could work out a little more. It's not a big deal. I could always keep this physique and still eat some. But I'm telling my guys to keep it together. They're in a deep deficit. They're trying to burn the fat. I got guys trying to lose £100 in the. They've been in the. For six months, like, battle fatigue, you know, And I'm sitting here eating donuts because I can't. That, dude, I'm. I will lead by example, you know, so I'll deal with my own addictions.
I think that's so important. And you've just said a word that. It's funny, on my podcast, sometimes I'll put a few bullet points down, and often the guy will. Will kind of trigger the word just before we get to it. But you said about leading, and I had leadership written down, because I know for you, as you said, you've got an example as a leader for your family, but also for superhuman fathers. And I wondered, let's go to the higher level of leadership with. In the US like, with the presidency, because I never used to pay attention to any of that up until about two or three years ago, and then I. I paid much more attention. So what's the general consensus of the leadership of. Of Sleepy Joe Biden at the moment?
I. I literally, like. And this. This actually could be a. A fault of mine. But, bro, I don't even give a. I'm like, my family, my extended family, my team that works for me and superhuman fathers. That's my little country. That's my army. And we're just preparing for whatever war comes. Like, what? Like, we're gonna prepare to take care of each other. We're gonna have our own tribe, and whatever the happens, we will be ready. And. And everybody else, like, yep, doesn't matter. I can't. I can't. I can't help them. And like, you know, I'll vote, but I'm like, I don't even know what the this does right now. This. And I'm like, yeah. Like, I. I don't. Like, I'm like, whatever happens, happens. I'm gonna take care of my people.
Yeah. Isn't that important? I mean, you've just said it there about, you know, for me, the community around you is so valuable, and it's amazing how many people will. When it was months ago, I was talking to a Lady who said, whose son is, I think, let's say 18, 19. And she said, oh, he's thinking about going out and. And he's just got a normal job locally. He's not doing anything in the military. She's always thinking of going out and volunteering out in fighting in Ukraine. And I was like, what? He said, yeah, he's gonna do that. And I was like, just remind me, what does he do for his local community? Well, I'll tell you all. And you're like, but he's just been watching the news. And therefore he decided this would be an adventure, but you'll end up coming back in a body bag. So I was like, start with your community. See what you can do there. First.
How many shitty dads are always talking about politics? It's like all of them, like, blah, blah, blah, negativity, negativity. And they're just. Don't pay attention to their families. You're so backwards, dude. Like, get your together. And then this whole idea of, like, the doing the big. Everybody's like, I'm gonna run a marathon, but they haven't worked out in three. In three years. Or, like, I'm gonna do the Goggins challenge. Or, you know, like, it's like, how about you just get up early, start going to the gym, start eating right. Like, let's just start with a baseline. You can't make up for all your shittiness by doing one big giant event. And then be like, oh, see, I'm not that bad. And then go back to your old ways, because that's what happens.
Yeah.
So instead of, like, trying to climb my own Everest every once in a while, like, how about get something that you can show up for every day, every day, and just add a little bit more and a little bit more, and as you can manage more, just keep adding more. Do that over 20 years, you become a machine.
See what happens? I think, yeah, it's so important because a lot of guys, like you say, will actually. Maybe they need to get to a point where they've reached some kind of low, where they think, I need to make a change. Because it's easy to just roll on with the same excuses, the same body, the same performance, and then one day, you. You either need someone or something to happen to be like. Right. It's a. I was going to say shot in the arm. That's a. That's a poor choice of words these days, but it's. It's a. A lightning bolt for you. And I just wonder if you so what does let's say the next year look like or year forwards with superhuman fathers? Like, where do you take it from here? I mean, up, up and out, I'm guessing. But what? Because I'm interested from building a found.
Foundation right now to explode. So you know, we, we, we grew massively. It was an impossible dream to accomplish the last year and it was just me and my brother and then we hired one other coach. There was only three of us. And so I've hired now five more people and pumped every, every bit of money I've made back into the business to build a foundation, to build something that's going to literally change the world. And so I, I, I'm ready to burn this to the ground, whatever it takes. So, you know, which is scary because I could sit here and have a pretty fat bank account and just keep it fairly small and do really well. But what's that going to do for my leadership, man? Sit here and play safe and tell the guys, hey, get after it in life, push it, take risks, have an adventure. And then I'm sitting here misery almost.
So, and I was going to say because you said, you know about like wake up warrior. I mean, you know, that's a great example of, it's taken a long time, but that is huge now. And I think it's important to show that, shows there's an appetite for, you know, that kind of real talk, men getting together, challenging each other, being okay with saying what you up and what you're scared of and what have you and trying to break through it. But I wondered if, have you ever, what's the guy called the Order of Man as well? So Ryan Mishler.
Yeah, I love his writing.
Yeah.
For a long time. He's epic.
Yeah, I, I, we come out with.
Some epic writing about like his alcoholism and his escape from that like so rad. I love, I love it because that's the men need to hear is like, hey, this guy struggles and watch him, watch what he does. And so you know, he's like, you can even see it in his pictures like that he looks better, he looks happier. And now he's sharing that with people. I was just really, really like happy that he came out with that and was just upfront real with that because I know that's scary and hard to do, especially when you're already pedal school, you know.
No, I think I read that and you're right. It is utmost respect. It's, it's on being honest, especially when like you say you're on A pedestal because it'd be easy to, as you said, to kind of be like, well, a lot of guys look up to me now, so am I going to spoil things? But yeah, I'm, I'm the same.
So I down burn it down. You know, when you have that attitude, it's all you, like you're authentic. He's, he's being authentic and real.
Oh, I think it's fantastic. And that's, I mean it pissed me off because before lockdowns of 2020, you know, we'd had our first 12 events in London, guys getting together. We had 65 guys come to our biggest event, which was, which is awesome. And then, and we just started doing dinners as well as full day events and in stylish locations and speakers and like just all the stuff you said, you know, it was in the city, not, not outside. But still it was powerful events and we had, you know, guys from all different sectors speaking and then lockdowns completely it. And, and, and it was hard to get that going again because then the, then the restrictions had stopped a lot of people from either traveling or what have you. But we're just. This year want to. There's, there's a former fireman who I have really connected with who reminds me of yourself in the fact of, you know, a no nonsense attitude, which I love. And he's very much about getting guys together. So we're looking to do exactly the same of, you know, it doesn't have to be fancy, no frills. It's get together and see what we can create. To be honest, dude, just get a.
Get a app where you can do their workouts, do zoom calls and, and then create an environment where they can be honest with each other. Like lead by example.
No, I like it. What, what about travel for you? Have you either ever been to the UK or would that ever be a.
I've never been, man. I've never been to Europe. Isn't it crazy? Like, yeah, I grew up just kind of like Southern California. We didn't really go anywhere. West coast, Grandma lived in Washington, a little up north. And yeah, we went to, we went to Utah a couple times to ski and then that was it, you know, like I just made it to the east coast first time last week.
Yeah, but at least where you are, you can travel. You know, if you want to go somewhere skiing, you can go. If you want to go to the beach, you've got it. I get it. Why? I mean the guy in Washington State, you know, said to me that's why most people in the US they don't need to leave the US because they've got everything.
Yeah.
It's all right.
Yeah.
Okay. I've been to Ohio, so I. I was out there a few years ago for the Obstacle Course Racing World Championships. I competed out there and that was amazing. Like, the obstacles and everything was. Was really cool. And yeah, San Diego, San Francisco, all these different, Like Yosemite park and that. So I ventured over a bit and want to come back at some point when. When some sensibility returns to restrictions and things like that. But. And then what's. So what time is it then? What's the rest of the day look like for you?
9:00Am so I've got another podcast right after this, and then I will go right into four hours of writing. Yep, gotta write this book. My. My. My operations guy is all over me, man. He's like, I need this done. Come on, bust my balls, man. He's great. That's why I hired him because he. Yeah, he's all over me like, he's the boss. I am not the boss. He is the boss of me. And he makes sure that I know that. And I love it because puts the pressure on me to get shit done and produce. I get distracted so easily. I'm a creative. So, like, I'll start editing videos and then get this idea for this concept of. And then I'll, like, see my guitar and have this song in mind and I'll start writing music. And then I'll be halfway through that, and then I'll film a little bit of it, make a clip. And then. And I'll start talking to my media guy and like, having this idea.
Yeah.
Then I'll start doing visionary of what we're going to do with events. And I'm a squirrel. And so he's just got. Got me dialed in. Like, he's like, you have one job. He's like, we're taking care of everything else. One job. So my job is podcasts. Write this book. And right now that's pretty much it. Like, that needs to happen.
I laugh because I've so, so much that myself where. Because you. You can go anywhere with superhuman fathers, as it were. So you could be like, Instagram posts. You could do LinkedIn if you wanted. You could do YouTube, you know, a podcast, events. You could have a merch line, all these things. And I'm the same. And you're like, sometimes you have to go, no, no, stop, stop, stop. Just what have I got to get done today before I Get excited, dude.
I, he, he's got me so clear. Like we have our third first quarter goals and if anything isn't on there, like you don't do it. He's like, cool, great idea. I'll write it down. Now shut up and get to work. It's like very focused on like I have like four things. We're, we're working on our event. I'm writing my book. Do podcasts go to events?
Yeah.
And then, and then I, I work on content of course too. But like those are my things. Like that's all I do right now.
You know, I think it's important like for guys listening to just be like sometimes you gotta just, you've got to get something done and not be, you know, this shiny object syndrome.
Don't get me wrong, like building something from scratch when you don't have other people doing things. It's crazy though. Like the last two years were so insane. Taking this from 0 to 100. Yeah, it's like 20. There I was working 24 hour days at a point.
Yeah.
For like a year.
You're learning and making mistakes and everything going along the way.
It was gnarly.
Well, I, I hope I'm, I'm gonna be watching this will go out in, in two weeks time. But I'm watching you guys grow over there and see how it goes because again, similar to us, you know, we want to have events and, and grow the whole man academy to reach more men, to have more impact. So, so I'm looking.
Yeah, hit me up anytime with questions and stuff. I, you know, we've kind of figured some out.
Yeah, that works.
And made some mistakes and learning.
That's fantastic. It's always good to connect with more, more men who are trying to do some, some, some good in the world as things get even crazier, but. Right. Well, thank you. I know you've got the next one to get onto as well, so we'll, we'll get, get you off of here. But I'll make sure all your details in the show notes if any guys want to follow you or get to get in touch and, and I'm sure we will speak to you again at some point on the podcast.
Absolutely, man. It was a pleasure.
Thank you, Carl. Cheers man.
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