In this solo monologue, customer discovery and listening expert Bob London reflects on a Christmas boat parade and uses the moment to share practical listening techniques for holiday gatherings. He advises starting with a quiet mind—taking a brief pause to commit to genuine interest and to prevent the brain from racing ahead. He stresses authentic curiosity as a powerful way to make others feel valued, encouraging follow‑up questions and attentive reactions. Drawing on Kate Murphy’s book You’re Not Listening, he promotes “support, don’t shift,” meaning after someone finishes speaking, stay on their topic, explore it deeper, and avoid steering the conversation toward your own agenda. He warns against the instinct to immediately solve problems, noting many speakers simply want to be heard. Finally, he highlights empathy, quoting Maya Angelou, to remind listeners that how people feel about an interaction outweighs the exact words spoken. By applying these habits, Bob claims families and friends will have more meaningful, less stressful holiday experiences.
Chapters
Hey, it's Bob London here, customer discovery and listening expert. And as I was watching a Christmas boat parade— yes, a Christmas boat parade, not something I as a born-and-bred Jewish fellow would have ever imagined myself seeing, but it was really fun and very high-spirited and just wonderful. Anyway, as I was doing that, I was thinking, you know, The holiday celebrations can be a stressful time, a wonderful time, but also can be a stressful time. And maybe some of the listening tips and techniques that I provide to folks who talk to customers, maybe those, some of those tips are relevant for when we mentally prepare for holiday celebrations. So here are my thoughts on this. So first of all, one of the tips is to start with a quiet mind. All that means, you don't have to take a yoga class or do transcendental meditation before a holiday celebration with your family or friends. Just take 30 seconds and commit to being interested in other people, curious about other people, authentically curious. That means be interested in what they have to say without thinking ahead. Remember, our brains can hear 4 times as many words per minute as people can speak. So while, while they're speaking, your brain could be racing ahead. You might be Reacting, solving, judging, maybe. So try and start with a quiet mind. Just think that they're a good person, they have something to say, and commit to hearing what they have to say without thinking about how you would react. Number 2, I mentioned it a minute ago, be authentically curious. That is practically an aphrodisiac for people when they feel like someone is being authentically curious about them. They're asking questions, they're actually listening. You can tell they're listening because of what their reactions are and how they may be asking follow-up questions. It really is a gift to people when you're authentically curious about them. Support, don't shift. This is from one of my favorite books called You're Not Listening by Kate Murphy. It is what it says it is. When someone's done talking, you don't need to automatically shift the conversation to whatever you think is important, support what they're saying. Go deeper, find out more, follow up on that point that they're making. We've all had those conversations with people who are big shifters. As soon as you're done talking, they jump into whatever they want to say. Let's not be that person during this holiday season with friends and family members. And this is another thing, uh, some people associate it with the male gender, which is don't jump in to solve. When people want to talk about their situation or what's going on, They're not always looking for your suggestions or your solutions, so just let them talk. Just listen. Let it linger a little bit. Empathize. Tell them that you can— you hear them. Make them feel heard and understood. The great American poet Maya Angelou said, "People won't always remember what you said, but they'll remember how you made them feel." So give people the gift of curiosity, empathy, and focus this holiday season, and I think your friends and family will be better off for it, and I think you will too.
