THIS is why you're NOT HEALING from Trauma!

After coaching thousands of clients on how to fully recover from PTSD, I was able to really distill and figure out the 12 different reasons why people get stuck on their recovery and the solution on how to actually get unstuck. So in this video, it's actually an hour-long masterclass that I recorded for our private community members, but I wanted to share with you because the feedback was so amazing. And I really believe that if you can figure out and solve all these problems before they happen. It will get you unstuck. It'll get you motivated so that you can live the life that you want to live, um, and really find that internal peace you're looking for. And that's really one of the keys to healing and recovery, is just solving the problem, solving all the things that are preventing you from healing. So I hope you enjoyed this video. Let me know in the comments, and, uh, say hello to Hank because I'm watching him from— for the next few weeks. Take care. Hey everybody, in this masterclass I am going to help you get unstuck if you are stuck processing. So if you are attempting to heal, you are doing processing, I'm going walk you through 12 possible reasons, basically a checklist that you can go through to see if you are stuck. And I'm also going to give you the solution on how to get unstuck. So without further ado, let's just dive right on in. So number 1 here is bottled emotions. And you want to ask yourself, am I bottling up my emotions? Am I holding back my emotions? So bottled emotions. And what you need to do, right, is build the skill, build the skill of releasing the emotions, right? So I've done a masterclass on this, the previous masterclass actually, on this exact skill. If you are bottling up your emotions, it will cause you to be stuck. If you can't release your emotions, you will not— you will only progress so far. Right? Because recovery is a logical journey, right? By changing your beliefs, changing your thoughts. But it's also an emotional journey as well. It's largely an emotional journey. So you can't fully recover without going down both of those paths, right? You need to logically change your beliefs and you also need to be able to release your bottled up emotions. Without that, that might be a reason why you are stuck, right? So the second one here is not being honest. Right? So, I'm just going to write dishonest. If you are dishonest with yourself, I'm not talking about the cliché honesty of always, I don't know, stuff like, I don't know, I think about when parents tell you, oh, always tell me the truth so I can punish you. Right? Which is usually how the truth is presented to us as children. It's like, tell me the truth about what you did, Billy, so I can punish you for breaking that vase. Tell me you broke the vase so I can punish you for breaking the vase. And that's how a lot of us are taught about telling the truth, is that it's actually a bad thing. And then we have negative beliefs, negative references around honesty, and we start to be dishonest outwardly. But more importantly, we start to be dishonest internally, right? So the solution to this is to be brutally honest. So I'm just going to write brutal. I'll write brutally honest. Got to be brutally honest with yourself. Right, you gotta tell yourself the truth even if you don't want to hear it. And again, the most important part is yourself, right? Being honest about yourself, about your thoughts, about your feelings, about your emotions, about your beliefs. What do you truly think? Right, a lot of times we push away our thoughts. A lot of times we push away our feelings 'cause we don't wanna feel our feelings, and that goes back to number 1. It's like, are you dishonest about what you truly feel? Right? Just because you don't want to feel them or you're scared, right? Or certain beliefs that you hold. Now I'm also going to put a heart next to brutally honest because we want to be brutally honest with love. We want to make sure that we are being honest with ourselves, but we're not beating ourselves up. We don't want to go into victim mode and blame ourselves. We want to own it. We want to take responsibility, but— Like I always say, responsibility is very different than blame. If you blame yourself, you're going to spiral out of control. That's not what we're looking for. That's not what I'm telling you here. I'm not telling you to be brutally honest and then beat yourself up. You can be honest without the beating of the self. Like, that's possible, and that's what we want to do. Because a lot of the beating yourself up is the interpretation of the honest reality, right? It's like we want to be able to face reality. We want to be able to be honest about the problems that we're Experiencing so that we can fix them. But if we're not honest with ourselves, we'll never know what the problem is, so we can never fix the problem. So honesty is essential. And if you're not honest, if you're dishonest with yourself, you will be stuck. And we want to do it with love. And what hurts us about honesty is not the honesty; it's our interpretation of the honesty. So we want to reinterpret that. All right. So the next one here is I'm just going to put put time. Am I putting in enough time? Am I putting in the hours? All right, am I putting in the time, putting in the reps of actually doing the processing? Ask yourself if you are stuck, how many hours per week do you spend processing? I ask people this all the time. Why? Because it's one of the reasons why people don't heal, because they're simply not putting in enough time. If you don't put in the time, you're not going to get the result. Right? So, solution? Put in time. Be brutally honest with love about how much time you're putting in, right? A lot of these things tie together. If you're dishonest about the— like, a lot of people, they don't want to admit to themselves that they're not putting in the time that they want to put in. Now, I'll get into other reasons. There's other reasons why you're not putting enough time or why you're being dishonest on this list. So you want to stick around for those because, again, a lot of these kind of tie together here. And impact each other, right? But you need to be brutally honest about how much time are you putting in. Are you putting in enough time, right? Minimum, I say put an hour per day. Be consistent. Get a healing routine in place. Do it so you can consistently do that in a way that is enjoyable to you. And also, you can see yourself doing it. I like to say doing it for life, even though you won't be processing for life. The way that I like to form habits, routines, habits and routines. Is by asking myself, can I see myself doing this for life, even on bad days? Because then I know I'm building a routine that I can stick to and that I can be honest with myself that I will actually follow through with it, right? So time, putting in the time. And then the next one here goes along with time, and what some people say a lot is like, not enough time. Basically saying, I don't have enough time to put in the time. Right? So if you say that, that could be a reason why you're stuck. And basically, say when somebody says, I don't have enough time to do this, it basically means I am not prioritizing this above the other things in my life. Because we all have the same amount of time. Some people heal, some people don't. Your time and your time spent really is just a reflection on your priorities, right? And it's fine if you don't want to put time in here, but saying I don't have enough time, that's not really true. What people really say when I don't have enough time, it's like it's not a priority right now, or I'm not being creative enough to find the time to do that, really. So, and that's me being, being honest, and I had to be honest with myself, right? That was one of the hard things I had to do was like admit to myself I'm not putting in enough time to actually see the result that I'm looking for, which is like, that's a common thing for many goals. It's like I had to be honest about like, you know, in In my work, in my career, in my business, in my fitness, in my recovery, all of those things, I had to be honest and be like, I need to put in more time to get the result that I want, right? And then sometimes I'd be like, oh, I don't have enough time for that. But I would always tell myself, that's just an excuse. We need to find time. You, you find time for things that you have priorities for, right? And we all have enough time. So the solution here is, I mean, to first realize that we all have the same amount of time. It's just how we spend that time, and that then tells us our priorities. And the other one is, or the solution is a time audit. So you wanna do an audit of your time. There's 168 hours in a week. How are you spending it? When a lot of people do this, they start to figure out. Another great way to do it too is do it on your phone. They have the little screen time tracker. How much time are you spending on your phone? Because that's time that you could be spending on your recovery. It's just telling us, and again, it's just being brutally honest with love about how much, how I'm spending my time. Right. Again, it's not something we want to beat ourselves up over, but we want to be honest. It's like if you have screen time and you're spending 3 hours on social media per day, it's like, okay, well, I just found you 3 hours per day that you can spend on your healing. And it doesn't mean you have to spend all 3 hours on it. Be like, okay, I'm gonna spend, like I said before, 1 hour per day. So we don't— not enough time isn't a reason to not heal, but it is a reason why people get stuck because A lot of people make that excuse to why they can't put in enough time, which is a reason that people get stuck. So, the next one here is— goes along with time right here. Is the time I'm putting in being used efficiently? Is it being used efficiently? So what do I mean by that? So to maximize the efficiency, well, first of all, you want to make sure you're focused, that you're actually using the processing tools, that you're not doing something else and then calling it processing. Because that's a common thing I see with some people is they will call processing time and they're not actually processing during that time, but they still tell themselves that they're processing. And it's again something to be brutally honest with love. With yourself, it's like am I actually processing? Am I actually working on my beliefs, releasing emotions through any of the tools that we teach? Am I actually doing that? So being honest with that is one, and some other solutions is learning in the success path. So I'm gonna write learning. I'm gonna write learn. So learn more, which is a way to increase your skill, right? So how do you become more efficient? Well, you learn more. Right? So you can go through the success path. Another way is you can— another way to learn is through coaching. So what do you do with the coaching? How do you get coached? Through the Q&As, right? Or if you ever want to do one-on-one coaching with me, you can reach out and we can do some one-on-one coaching. So that's a way to get direct feedback on what you're doing to make the time that you're putting in more efficient, right? So you can learn more, that makes your time much more efficient. You can get feedback On what you're currently learning and doing, that'll make your time more efficient. And then the last thing here is I'm going to write time again. Time in the way that this is— time is like a feedback loop. The more quantity of time that you put in, the more you'll learn and the more efficient that time will get. The more efficient you will be in that time, right? So if you do something again and again and again and again and again, it's unreasonable for you to not improve to some degree. So you just doing the action, sometimes people process once for 15 minutes and they're like, I'm not good at this. And then it never processes again. And then they claim that they're stuck. And like, that, that actually happens. And it's something, again, to be honest about. But if you don't put in the time, you're not going to get good. You need to put in the time. Time is the input to get good. It's like, imagine learning how to ride a bike in a book. What's going to happen? But you've never gotten on a bike. What's going to happen the first time you get on a bike? It's like all the mental theories that you have are going to be tested in reality. And the likelihood that you get it right on the first time is very, very, very, very, very, very low. You're probably still going to fall or stumble or wobble. Right. So putting in the time makes, makes the time more efficient. So we got to make sure that time is being used efficiently because also if you're, if you're bottling up your emotions, you're not using your time efficiently as well. So you can basically squeeze more out of your time by getting more efficient, by getting better at protectors, by getting better at releasing your emotions, by getting better at any of the tools that we teach, by improving the skill, your skill level on any of the tools. Could literally compress an hour into 15 minutes for some people. Like, just think about that. The more you learn the tools, the more efficiently you spend the time. You could turn 60 minutes into 15 minutes. You could get the same amount of work done in 60 minutes that, like, in 15 minutes because your skill has increased. That's the power of, of the efficiency there. So number— oh, that's number 6. Number 6. My number is wrong on my list somewhere. So, oh no, no, I'm good. I think I messed one up. Oh well. Another one here is focus. So the problem here is that when some people get stuck, it's because they're not properly focusing when they're actually doing The processing, and this comes down to doing it efficiently as well. It's like if you are, the more you can keep your mind focused and on task, whether you're processing like a specific memory, like if I go with that example, if you're processing a specific memory with bilateral stimulation, your degree of focus on that process, and it doesn't mean like you're like pressuring yourself like crazy, but just focusing on the process will make it more efficient and you will get more out of it. So, the solution to that is, I mean, one, remove distractions, right? So, if there's things constantly distracting you during processing, if there's, you know, someone at your door knocking at your door or loud noises or whatever else it is, eliminating and removing distractions will help you to focus, but also just having the mindset and being aware of Your mind will help you focus, and also meditation is fantastic for focus as well because basically what you're doing there in meditation is getting distracted and then refocusing back on your breath. You're getting distracted and then refocusing. So what you're doing is you're basically strengthening that focus muscle whenever you do that. So if you have a problem with focus or staying on task, build in a habit of meditation, and that will strengthen that muscle of focus and also. Do as much as you can to remove distractions. Like if your phone's pinging and things are just going off and there's people at the door and whatever, and you can't focus, and you keep getting distracted for things like that, eliminate those distractions, practice meditation, and strengthen that muscle. Next one here is perfectionism, but more so the fear of not being perfect, right? So I'm just gonna write perfectionism. Perfectionism. This happens a lot when people first join the program. They see that it's a big program, and it is, and that there's a lot of work to it, and there is. But they have a hard time with actually getting it done, and they move through it methodically, but they allow the fear of failure, and they pressure themselves to a degree Where they don't really get the work done, right? So you have this perfectionistic attitude or mindset or belief system that says, I need to do everything perfectly, and if I don't do it perfectly, I'm a failure. Um, and also this leads to overwhelm as well. I actually had overwhelm here, um, as another part. So we're gonna erase one here because I believe that these actually go Hand in hand, perfectionism and overwhelm. And I do believe that the solution is, is the same as well, or very similar. For perfectionism, you just need to tell yourself you don't need to be perfect. You don't need to be perfect at everything. And like I was saying before, with the time and the tools, it's like you are never going to be— like, without being imperfect, you will never be perfect. You need to put in the time of being imperfect to develop the skills that will get you closer and closer to perfection. And by the way, nobody is perfect. We're all— like, all of us, every human being, we're just striving to get closer and closer and closer and closer and closer to perfection in whatever area of life that is. So we will never actually reach or attain perfection. So if we set perfection as the goal and the only standard that we accept for ourselves, then we're going to get overwhelmed. We're going to be very hard on ourselves. Right? We are going to hurt ourselves. So I'm not saying that we shouldn't aim for perfection. However, we need to understand the process that it takes to get as close to perfection as possible. So that might require changing the belief system about perfection, that, you know, it's something that is always strived for, but it's never really truly attained, because there's always a way that you can get better in some way, shape, or form. And when you believe that you reach perfection, There's always another level of improvement that we can reach. So perfectionism as a, as a goal, as a vision, as something to strive for is amazing. And I would never tell anybody to not strive towards that. However, we need to understand how, like, what perfection is. And that in the beginning, if you're first starting your journey, you're going to suck. You're going to be really bad at all the things that you need to be good at. And this is the same with riding a bike. In the beginning of riding the bike, are you a master? No. No, you probably fall down. You might start on a tricycle and then you move up to a 2-wheeler with, uh, whatever you call them, the little wheels on the side. And then you go on just 2 wheels and you probably fall and you mess around and you're really bad at it. Think about any skill. Think about learning an instrument. Like when I, when I started playing the drums, which was the first instrument that I learned, I was terrible. I was terrible. I couldn't do one single beat. Right. After a month though, I learned my first beat, which was really cool. So that's the other thing too, is like in the beginning you suck, but you actually— your skill level increases actually pretty quickly if, if, if, if you stick with it, right? Had I gone to my drum teacher and said after the second week, this is boring, all you're having me do is hit this, this pad and I'm terrible at it and sounds bad, and I don't know what I'm doing, I quit, then I never would have— 2 weeks later, never— like, I never would have made that beat. And that beat was cool, and that beat is used in like pretty much every single AC/DC song because their drums are very, very simple, but like in so many songs. So I could like instantly play after 1 month many, many songs just by doing 1 simple beat. Um, and then over the course of years, my skill level increased, increased, increased, increased. So Perfectionism, something to strive for. Understand that it's like we're always getting better. In the beginning, we're going to be the worst at whatever we're doing. Recovery, the tools that we're teaching here, the concepts that we're teaching here, they're going to be the hardest to understand in the beginning. But then relatively quickly, if you stick with it, you are going to catch on. And actually, a saying that my drum teacher said that is very powerful, and it's actually stuck with me in a lot of different ways, is He would say, whenever you feel like quitting or you have that desire to quit is the moment, or is when you almost have it, right? So the moment that you want to quit is the point where you almost get it. So for me with the beat, it's like the point where I'm practicing this thing, practicing this thing for hours, and I just can't get it, and I want to just leave. I would tell myself, no, this is the point where you almost have it. You're almost there. So if you can just, if you can use that mindset when you're facing that resistance and in the imperfection in the beginning of the journey and say, no, this is, this is, I want to quit now, but this is the time where I almost have it. I almost learned this concept. I almost, you know, healed this part of me. I almost did this. I want to quit, but I just want to go a little bit more. This is the point where, where I'm almost there. So if you have that mindset, it will really help. And the solution there, I would just say belief. Belief about perfection. It's an understanding. And I'm actually going to move overwhelm back because I do think it is. Now, I was correct in my initial assessment when I outlined this, that overwhelm should be its own thing. Because overwhelm and perfection, they go hand in hand. Like, they're very similar. It's like you can get overwhelmed because you're perfectionistic, but overwhelm can just happen to anybody for any reason. Right? For, you know, whether like you're overwhelmed by the amount of work that you have to do in your house because it's dirty and like there's just stuff everywhere and you get overwhelmed, then you don't end up doing something. Or you join a program like this and you see all the work and you get overwhelmed. You're like, oh my gosh, there's so much here. Or you go into processing your past for the first time, you're like, oh my God, there's so many emotions and there's, there's, uh, I have so many traumas in my past, I don't know where to start. And you get overwhelmed, you end up doing nothing, right? And you get stuck. Since you get overwhelmed, You think you have to address every single problem that you see all at once, which is overwhelming, and it's overwhelming for everybody, and that might be a reason why you're getting stuck. But that's kind of like the mindset of like the overwhelmed person, is that, you know, we see this, we see all the problems, we see everything that needs to be fixed in front of us, right? And we believe, we believe that we need to handle All of it at once. But that's impossible. Why? We can only do one thing at a time. We are like a machine, like an assembly line, where we can only process one thing at a time. We can only focus on one thing at a time. Multitasking is a myth. We can only focus on one thing at a time. They've done studies on this. And even in computer processors, they only do one thing at a time, but they do one thing at a time really, really fast, so it seems like they're doing multiple things at a time. So, and then you have multiple processors where at that point you can do multiple things at a time. But even with our brain, when you think you're multitasking, you're actually just, you're single-tasking fast, right? So I'm doing this for a little bit and then I'm focusing on this and I'm focusing on this. And that really messes up your focus anyway. But let me see here. So overwhelm is when you believe you have to do all those things at once, which we can't do. Because we're like this assembly line that can only process one thing at a time. We cannot multitask. We can only single task. So having that as a mindset foundation where it's like, I can only single task anyways, leads into the solution of chunking. You may have heard of chunking before, but you can think about this in like in so many different ways. Chunking is such a powerful mental model or tool that you can use. So if you're getting overwhelmed, I'll do it in several examples. In the program, you can chunk the program down in multiple ways. You could say, okay, I'm just going to watch instead of, okay, there's whatever, 40 videos. And then however many, I have this 400-page workbook and then you get overwhelmed. Instead of saying I need to watch all 40 videos at once and all these action items at once, you could say, I'm going to do I'm going to do one video per day and the action items per day. All right, so you start with one and one. Now, what if you're overwhelmed with that? Maybe you're like, oh my God, that's a— that's an hour and a half video. And these, like, I'm overwhelmed just by doing one of these worksheets and you're telling me to do 2 or 3. Well, you can chunk it down at any level that is manageable for you. So you can say, okay, I'm going to watch half of this video. And I'm going today and half this video tomorrow, and then I'm gonna do one of the action items the next day and then one of the action items the next day. Or you can be like, I'm gonna watch— and I'm not recommending this, but I'm gonna watch 5 minutes today and 5 minutes tomorrow because that would just take forever. But the point is that you can chunk it down into whatever is manageable for you. And that's the power of chunking, is that you take something big and you break it down into little chunks. That are manageable for you to actually complete. So you're not overwhelmed because you're only doing this one task. And then you actually have a plan to execute and complete the big task. And you understand that you can only do one thing at a time. I can only do this one little thing at a time. So you do one thing, you chunk it, you chunk it, you chunk it. In the way of processing, if you have all these emotions, you're like, where do I start? I'm so overwhelmed. There's so many traumas in my past, whatever. You chunk that down. I'm gonna focus on one. And what we recommend is focusing on the one that would cause the biggest benefit in your life if you— if it was healed, right? Or in the beginning, a problem that you— you— is manageable for you, right? So it's either what's manageable or the biggest one that you can— you can attack. And that's probably— you probably combine the two, focusing and chunking— chunking it down into the biggest one that's also manageable, right? So I like where you believe I can— I can deal with this. This is a good one to start, and it's The biggest one out of all the ones that I can start. So chunking down in that way as well. And then also in your routines, here's another, another example. Let's say you set a new morning routine where you're gonna, you're going to wake up, you're going to meditate, you're going to exercise, and then whatever else, you're going to stretch for 15 minutes. And you wake up in the morning and you're like, oh my God, I did not sleep. I do not want to do this. This is terrible. All I want to do is go back to sleep. What you could do is you could chunk it down even further. Be like, all right, I'm just going to, you know, I'm going to get out of bed and just make my bed. That's it. That's all I'm going to focus on. If I do that, that's a success, right? And then if I just sit down for 3 minutes for my meditation, I just do 3 minutes, then that's a win. And then if I just drive to the gym, If I just drive to the gym, that's a success because I'm building this new habit and I wouldn't have even driven to the gym before. So me just driving there is progress. So then you drive there and you're like, okay, well, now that I'm at the gym, I'll just do 1 set out of, you know, the 15 sets that I'm gonna do for my workout or that I planned for my workout. And you get in and you're like, and then that's manageable for you and you can be like, okay, I'm just gonna do 1 set and then if I wanna leave, I can leave. And then you get there and you're like, all right. So that's how you can gain momentum in different ways like that too, talking yourself through it. Be like, I'm just gonna do this one little thing, I'm just gonna do this one little thing. So those are 3 different examples of how you can use chunking, how you can attack overwhelm. It's so powerful, and I use it, I use it to this day, you know. So next one here, number 9, is fear of facing past. Just write past, fear of past, right? So you're actually— something that's keeping you stuck is that you are afraid of facing certain parts, certain traumas, and that's preventing you from moving deeper into your healing, right? So this fear of your past, one of the best ways to deal with it is to use one of the processing tools you might know by now, but protectors, right? So protectors and beliefs actually, but viewing this fear first of all as a step, as a part of you, as a protector that you can separate from and see will give you enough separation from the emotion so that you can start thinking more logically. That's one of the powerful aspects of protectors is that it allows you to separate from the emotion so you can think more logically, right? So I'm gonna write down protectors, protector, but I'm also gonna write down belief. And this is something to think about too. Is it scarier— I'll pose this question to you— is it scarier to be fearful of your past or to be fearful of your present for the rest of your life, or to have your present for the rest of your life? Which one is scarier? Is facing your past scarier, or is living the way that you are right now scarier for the rest of your life? I think it's the present. And those are the 2 paths and the 2 choices, is that we can face our path— past. We can heal it. We can deal with it. We can process it so that it never comes up again. So it's never a problem again in the future. We don't pass it on to our loved ones. And you can come up with all the reasons like that too. So I don't pass this trauma and this pain onto the people I love in my life, because it does affect the people in our life. Is that more painful? Or is dealing with that or not dealing with that more painful? Still having the constant anxiety, still having all the sleep problems, still having all these, all these problems in your personal life affecting the loved ones in your life, still unable to strive for your potential, your full potential, still just being anxious everywhere and not being present, not being present with your, your kids or your spouse or your loved ones, like not being there, not really experiencing it. It's like, which one is more painful at the end of the day? And which one provides a better outcome, has a higher level of pleasure after you walk down those paths, right? So that's how you can shift that core belief, shift the belief of facing your past, which like you should be much more fearful of staying where you are right now. But we don't look at that because we don't, we don't really— a lot of times we don't want to be brutally honest about how our traumas are affecting our life or our loved ones. With love. A lot of times we don't want to admit that because it's painful. It's painful to see that the impact that this trauma has had on our life. It's very painful, but it's something we have to do. And then we have to look at it long term too. How does this trauma not only affect my life now, but how does it affect me and my loved ones and the relationships with my loved ones and all the memories and my career and every— all my dreams? How does it affect that long term? We don't really take the time to think about that either because we're so consumed in the emotions. But if you do take the time to look at that and to start to change that belief and change the fear of the past to making fear of the present worse than the past, your actions will start to change in such a huge way. I mean, it's just, it's kind of obvious, right? But then you can also work, like I said too, with that actual protector itself and overcome the objections that way. But man, that's like, it's one of the most powerful things because it's true. It's like, if you don't change, life is going to suck forever. And then we're going to die. It's like, that's not fun. That's more painful than actually facing it and dealing with it. And what's cool about this program is you have the tools to face it confidently now. And if you don't, you can learn them. You can learn them. You can get more coaching and you can increase your skills with more time. Right? So that's pretty dang cool, in my opinion. Next one here, number 10. Write this down as gatekeeper. Gatekeeper protector, right? Is there a part of you— and this is a reason why a lot of people get stuck, right? And it's also kind of the solution built into the problem. A lot of people get stuck because there's a part of them that pushes down all the emotions, that pushes away other parts, right? It could be multiple parts. You can have more than one gatekeeper. Like, you can be addressing one trauma and have a gatekeeper for this trauma. You might have another gatekeeper for another trauma. But basically what the gatekeeper protector does is, um, or why it does what it does, why does it push away other parts? It's because they're I mean, you'll know by asking it. That's the ultimate answer, is that when you start to have a conversation and you ask this part of you, why are you pushing these— and that was kind of aggressive— why are you pushing these parts away? And you ask with curiosity and you want to understand this part of you because it's trying to protect you. It's pushing these emotions away for a reason, right? You might find out, hey, my mom told me, or my mom punished me or yelled at me because I felt my emotions. So I don't want these emotions to come up because I'll get punished. Right? We'll all get punished if I allow this part to come up. And that might be one reason, but it doesn't matter what I say. The most important thing is you go have a conversation with this gatekeeper. You find out why it's doing what it's doing and how you can change it. And then obviously changing the beliefs and releasing the emotions with it as well. So I'll just write— I'll just write conversation. It's kind of just built into it though. The solution, it really is just like Becoming aware that you have these parts that push away other parts so that you can fix them and use the protector tool to heal it. So the solution really is just becoming aware of that these, these guys exist. Alrighty, so next one here. Oh, this is a good one. Am I giving up on a problem? So I'm just gonna write giving up if I can. My goodness. I'm gonna write it. Giving up. Am I giving up on a problem? And I'm not talking like macro level. Obviously, that, that would be a reason why you get stuck because you just stopped, right? You just gave up or you just quit and you stopped putting in any time, stopped putting in any effort to get better. And that would obviously— like, if you stop putting in the time, you're going to be stuck. If you're like— and that goes back to time as well. It's like if you're only putting in 1 hour Whatever, a year or every other year into your, into your healing, or if you're going to like a traditional talk therapist once a week, like you're not putting in that— you're not putting in enough time and you're not putting in the right time. The time that you're putting in is probably one of the least efficient ways to heal trauma, and you're putting in such little time that it's not going to move the needle. So Giving up on a macro level, that one's obvious, but what's less obvious is giving up on a micro level. You're working with this specific trauma, you're working with this specific protector, and you stop searching for solutions for the problem. You give up. You say, I don't know, or I can't do that, or I can't find a solution, or a solution doesn't exist. And you stop actually believing that there is a solution. And you give up on trying to find one. And if you ever give up on a micro problem, on trying to find a solution for a micro problem, because that's basically what all these tools are. It's like they are problem-solving frameworks, right? We call them processing tools. They're problem-solving frameworks. They help you find the solutions to your problems. We are not giving you pre-made solutions to your specific problems. We are giving you the frameworks in order for you to think and put your problem through to help you identify the solution. So if you give up in the process of sifting through the problem and identifying the solution, if you stop halfway, you're not going to find the solution. Right. I can help connect dots in certain ways and make assumptions and be like, maybe it's this, maybe it's that. But at the end of the day, you have to go through and you have to identify the solution for you. It's an independent process. And if you give up on that, or you say, I can't, I can't find them. Oh my God, I sound like an alien. If you say, I can't find a problem, or I don't know, that's a common one that I would find myself saying all the time. I would ask myself, okay, what can we do about that? And the protector or me would say, I don't know. And then it'd be like, oh. Guess I'll give up because we don't know. It's like, not knowing the answer is not a reason to stop looking for the answer. I'll say that again. Not knowing the answer is not a reason to stop looking for the answers. Sometimes we expect, maybe a lot of times, we expect answers to come to us instantly. Instantly. And that's almost never the case. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it's like you ask questions, boom, So I shouldn't say almost never, but not every solution comes instantly. Sometimes you have to be patient. Sometimes you have to wait. Sometimes you have to wait in silence. Sometimes you have to say to yourself when you're doing introspective healing or protectors, why do I feel this way? If you ask a question like that, sometimes you have to wait. I've waited 5 minutes for an answer. 5 minutes of just relaxing, just sitting there. And part of me saying, I don't know, and be like, that's okay, we'll figure it out. And sitting there in the problem, sitting in the problem to solve it. And if you think about this too, like a lot of problems are solved that way. A lot of problems, or a lot of solutions, aren't readily apparent. Like, how do I solve this? It might take time. A lot of problems just in real life, like whatever problem You know, Elon Musk is doing with SpaceX or Tesla or whatever. It's like they face a lot of problems, a lot of things go wrong, and they're not just instant solutions that are readily apparent. It takes time, it takes thinking to solve those problems. And like, if one of those engineers came to us or came to or went to Elon, be like, why am I not getting this solution instantly? Why are we not, you know, Why don't we know the solution on how to fix this rocket from exploding? And he would be like, Have you thought about it? How much time have you spent trying to solve the problem? But yet, in our own lives— and that's pretty obvious, right? It's like, yeah, you're not going to solve space travel. You're not going to solve the problem of space travel instantly. That's obvious, right? That's a very obvious— example. But internally, we expect every problem of ours to be solved instantaneously, and if they're not, we give up. How does that— that doesn't make any sense. I did it all the time. I had to become aware of, like, all the things that would cause me to give up. But I had to realize, if I, if I give up, then it's impossible for me to solve the problem, right? It's impossible. If I stop trying to find a solution, then I— that equals quitting, and then That equals me never finding a solution because I quit. Now, if you don't give up and you keep looking, in 5 minutes— like I said, sometimes I have to wait 5 minutes. 5 minutes? Like, that's nothing for a solution that can potentially heal your trauma and save your life. Like, give yourself 5— give yourself as much time as you need. Relax, slow down, take some deep breaths. It's okay if the problems or the solutions don't come instantly. It's okay if they don't come day 1. It's okay that they don't come day 2. But if you keep thinking about it, you keep working over in your head, how do I solve this? How do I solve this? How do I solve this? Overnight, you might find, like, a lot of solutions come in the middle of the night. That's why it's good to keep a notepad and you can write down different solutions. Or sometimes you become aware of a protector or something else in the middle of the night and you can write it down because our brains do a lot of processing in the night, right? And that's what I think. Thomas Edison would do is he was he was known for taking a lot of naps, and what he would do before he would take a nap is pose a question or problem to his mind. He would sleep on it, and a lot of times he would find that when he woke up, he had a solution because our conscious mind only does so much. So much processing happens in our subconscious mind. That's where so much work goes on. That's where so much problem solving like activity goes. So like if you consciously think about it and you really try to You really try to solve it consciously, but you can't solve it. Sometimes if you just set it aside and you just allow it and you trust yourself, you trust your brain just to start working on it in the background, background, sometimes the problem or the solution becomes apparent to you. It comes to you, and sometimes in very unexpected moments. But to get to that point where your background subconscious mind works on it, you need to consciously think about it and really work through it consciously. That's like priming the pump. It's like you won't solve the problem if you don't consciously think about the problem first. You have to think about like you thinking about the problem consciously and trying to solve it is what is feeding the subconscious mind and allows it to work through it. So never give up on a problem. Never ever give up on a problem in a micro level, on any level, right? Because when people say never give up or like don't quit, it's like we think of that on a macro level. But I realized for myself I was giving up on all these little things. I was giving up on, I don't know how to do this, I don't know how to do that, I don't know how to do that, I have all these problems, I don't know how to do any of this. And I expect all the solutions to come instantly, but they never, almost never did. So solution, I'll write down a belief. Every problem, you'll hear me say this a lot, every problem has A solution, right? So if you start building that belief within yourself that every problem has a solution, and just everything else that I said, that will start to change that and solve that problem for you. Last one here. This is a good one. A good one. All right. Resistance. To change. Could also be read as fear of change. I'm afraid to change. I'm comfortable where I'm at. And this is more common than you think, which you would think would be weird, right? Because we help people who've gone through a tremendous amount of trauma and who have PTSD. Yeah. You wouldn't think that they would be resistant to change. You would think they would be the first ones who want the change, right? But we become accustomed to the environment that we spend the most time in, and that becomes our known world. We know it, even if it's painful, we know it. And we have some sense of comfort and safety because we know what to expect just because it's known. And we've experienced that and lived in that known world. For so long. So when we venture out into the unknown, even if the unknown world is a million times better, there's a level of fear, there's a level of anxiety that comes to that because it's the unknown. You don't know what to expect. And some people allow that fear of the unknown, right, which could also be the fear of change, the fear of the unknown, to prevent them from ever venturing out. into the unknown worlds and prevents them from finding another world that is better than the one where they are right now. And you think about this with Stockholm Syndrome. You have people who get comfortable and develop feelings for and start to actually love the person that has captured them, abused them, done many— tortured them in some cases, some done very, very horrible things, and the victims start to develop feelings for their captors. And you think about that logically, and you're like, that doesn't make any sense. Why would you ever develop feelings for that person? And on the survival basis, it can kind of make sense, right? Because, like, you're relying on this person to some degree for your survival, since they are in a position of, you know, like, of power. Right? But it's also messed up because it prevents us from, from going into that, into the unknown. And that's what we need to understand is that whatever world that you're living in right now, that's the known world. That's the known world for you. That's like, you know, everything that's going to go on, right? Even if it's exceptionally painful, even if you're in an abusive relationship, right? Since it's known to you, you are comfortable there, even if you're exceptionally uncomfortable. And I hope that makes sense. Since it's known, you like it. And I don't mean like it like you actually like— you might freaking hate it, man. But you are drawn to it and you get a level of comfort from it. And leaving that— and this is so common. It's so common. And I didn't understand it at first, but until I realized that the known world is what gives the comfort. It's the fact that you know it that gives human beings comfort and feelings of security, just because it's known. And you can know the worst planet in the world, or the worst world in the world. Like, this could be the worst world in the world, the worst place in the world. You can know it. And like, you can still stay stuck there, stay stuck there because you've become accustomed to it. So you being aware of that and logically knowing it makes no sense, and that you will have a pull back to the known world, can help you break out of that and also identify the different parts of you or the different protectors that are pulling you back in. to that known world, if you become aware of the protectors and start to deal with the protectors and heal them and solve all the reasons for why they want to be pulled back and help convince them and change their beliefs around why, you know, venturing out into the unknown is actually better, why change is better, even though we don't know what's going to happen, there's a highly higher likelihood that things are going to improve than they are here. And yes, it's going to be scary, but it's going to be worth it. And having that internal conversation with yourself and with those parts will be life-changing, right? And something else too, a belief that you can hold for yourself is like, if you want change in your life, then you need to change. If you want change in your life, if you want any aspect of your life to change, any aspect, then you need to change. You want change, then change. But so often it's like, oh, we say that we want change, but then We're not actually willing to change. It's like it's very interesting. But one thing you can do is like identify what you're currently doing, and they do this a lot with coaching. Identify what you're currently doing, and understand that what you're currently doing, what you're currently thinking, what you currently believe—all of those should be up for question. Like very like they all those should be up on trial to be like oh like these things are wrong, right? Because these things, these thoughts, these beliefs. These emotions are giving me the life that I have right now. So all of those should be on trial and be like, why do I, why do I believe these things and how can I change them? You have to be suspect of everything you think, everything you believe, everything you do if you're not living the life that you want or you're not getting the results that you want. They need to change. You need to change those thoughts, those beliefs, those actions if you want change. Right? And the one thing that you can guarantee is that the thoughts that you have now are not good. So if I do anything else, if I think anything else, that will probably point me in the right direction. And if it doesn't, I'll try something else. But I know that the formula I have now, the actions that I'm taking right now, the thoughts I have right now, the beliefs that I have right now, is a losing formula. This is what I tell myself. I know this is a losing formula, so I'm not going to do this. I know what not to do at the very least. I may not know the perfect thought, I may not know the perfect, you know, overcoming perfectionism, I may not know the perfect path forward, but I know what not to do. So I'm going to not do this, and I'm gonna do anything else. I'm gonna think anything else. I'm gonna start trying to build any other belief. I'm going to start to try to take any other action because I know this one doesn't work. And I'm not gonna keep going down this path because if I keep going down this path, I keep thinking this, I keep doing these things, I know I'm gonna keep getting the same results, and I don't want the same results. I want something different. I want change, so I'm going to change. I may not know the perfect change to make, but I'm going to make a change. And especially starting from rock bottom, any change will likely be an improvement. But even if it's not, it's like, now I know that path is not good, so I'm not going to think of that. So now I have 2 things instead of one of things not to do, and it's progress, right? So that's how you solve the resistance change. I'll put protectors and then just understanding that belief. So those are 12 reasons why you might be stuck. Now, before you, before you go, what I want you to do is I want you to go through this list here. Bottled up emotions. Do I struggle with that? Yes or no, right? Because what I want you to do is I want you— I don't want you to just listen to this and it for it to be like— I want it to be intellectually stimulating, hopefully somewhat entertaining. But at the end of the day, it's like I want, I want you to be able to identify the thing that's holding you back from recovery. And it's likely that you've probably become aware of some things that have been holding you back that you didn't know. You didn't know that you were even experiencing these things. So what I want you to do is I want you to go through here. Right. And I want you to ask yourself, do I bottle up my emotions? Yes or no? Okay. That's something I need to work on. Am I dishonest with myself at any level? Yes or no? If so, I need to work on that. Am I putting in enough time? Am I putting in enough hours per week? If not, that's something I need to work on. Am I telling myself I don't have enough time? Am I making that excuse to myself? Well, then I'm going to do that time audit. I'm going to find time for this. I'm going to make this a priority if you want to make it a priority. Is the time that I'm spending on my processing used efficiently? If it's not, I'm going to learn, learn, get coached, and spend more time and understand I might need to spend more time to get, to get better. Am I having a focus problem? Am I focusing enough? Perfection— am I being too perfectionistic? Am I allowing myself to get overwhelmed? If so, I'm gonna work on my chunking skills. Do I have the fear of past? I'm gonna work on the protector and the belief around the fear, or rewatch that part where I talked about fear. Do I have a gatekeeper protector or multiple gatekeeper protectors? If so, I'm gonna have conversations with them and try to fix them. Am I giving up on a macro level or a micro level, right? If so, allow yourself to sit in that, sit in the problem, change that belief around that, and say every problem has a solution. And 12, do I have— am I resistant to change? Am I letting the known world prevent me, my comfort in the known world prevent me from doing the things, or prevent me from venturing out into the unknown world and changing my life? So I hope that this has been beneficial for you. If you have any questions about this, post inside the community. Would love to hear it. Would love to hear feedback as well. I think this was a video that many people Need, because this is the first time where I put down in one, one list all the problems I've seen from all of our clients over the years, right? All in one, addressed it almost an hour. Incredible. Watch this again if you need to. Go back, rewind. I'm going to put the chapters in here as well, hopefully, so that you can, you can see and you can rewatch specific parts of these. Um, But yeah, I really hope if this was beneficial for you, let me know. I enjoyed being here with you guys, and, uh, I will see you around in the community.