First-person monologue by Brad Hart (YouTube video). In this excerpt Hart recounts a moment of strong temptation to drink while in a social setting where another person was repeatedly ordering and drinking vodka. He reflects that addictive impulses can resurface quickly, that identity and recovery can feel temporarily sidelined, and that living with someone in recovery raised his personal standard and helped him resist relapse.
Chapters
I had this real moment where I'm sitting here, I'm like, wow, I could have a couple shots and just pass out right now. You know, that would be fine. And just noticing that, where it just becomes so easy to just be like, oh, who would know? This guy sitting next to me, we were chatting. He's a nice guy, but at some point, he just starts ordering vodkas and just knocking them back, knocking them back. And I'm, like, smelling it, and it's right there. And you just start kind of building up the story around it. It's like, I would know. And, you know, now I live with somebody who's in recovery. Like, I can't be. That's my new standard. And if it wasn't for that, I probably would have succumbed that day. But looking back at it, I'm like, oh, I know exactly what you're talking about. It's like that moment where all of the stuff that you are, all your identity, everything kind of gets put to the side for a minute, and it becomes really easy to go back to exactly what you were doing. And your brain, it's right there. To go right back to alcoholic tendencies. It really is that easy. It's just that one scenario.