Ep 17: It doesn't have to be perfect today

The contradictory side to dressage is most of us only watch those, you know, the very top riders and the top combinations. We only ever really see them in the test. And of course, in the test, the rider's trying to look perfect, but that is not what created the picture.

From performanceriders.com this is the Pabry podcast. I'm Nat Foxen, and each episode I challenge World equestrian Games top 10 dressage rider Brett Parbury to explain and discuss what I call a parbury. That's a pearl of wisdom I've written down over the years of working together in our performance writers programs. Brett doesn't know what today's papyrism is. Let's get into it. Okay, Brett, I have a new Parburyism for you today. You ready to get started?

Ready to go?

Today's papyism is it doesn't have to be perfect today. It doesn't have to be perfect today. Y. Yeah. What do you think about this one? First thing that springs to mind.

Oh, look, I think we all fall into this trap that we need. We. We. We're. We feel like it has to be perfect. So we end up limiting ourselves, I think, and a bit crippled by the thought of perfection rather than the process of creating it. So. And, you know, then there's a couple of things there as far as you're then scared to take risks because you don't want it to not feel perfect. And also from a writing perspective, we end up tightening up and holding things together. To think that it has to be perfect now rather than riding with the. Allowing the mistakes to happen so that you can then have more of an idea of what needs fixing, and then it eventually gets closer to perfect. I don't think we ever get to perfect, but I think we get close to sort of excellence or mastery is probably a better way to describe it. But I think we all get caught this, especially dressage riders. I think we're guilty of this more than anyone because our sport is, you know, you're trying to get things foot perfect. So therefore, we feel like the more we train that at home, the closer we're going to get. But it can work in the opposite direction. The thing with dressage is it does attract a certain type of person, and we are all a little bit, you know, we've got issues when it comes to untidiness and things not feeling great. So, you know, we. It does attract a certain type of person. So if. If we can identify that, all right, this is who we are. We're a bit. This Way inclined. And I must say I'm one of the worst. So I'm saying this almost talking to myself, but this is who we are. And now holding this horse together or, or not, or being scared to make a mistake is certainly not going to show the horse what we, what we, we know is the process of learning. And the process of learning is making mistakes, being allowed to let the horse make mistakes, identifying ourselves, how the mistakes happened and what part of our system needs to be improved to show the horse better and get a more thorough understanding from the horse and also get the horse to understand the rules, like the rules of the system. So we know that that will train the horse better. Yet we're too scared to let it happen because we are clinging onto this perfectionist mindset, you know, and it only horses just don't even think like that. They don't think about foot perfect, they don't think about not making mistakes. I mean, they are relying on pressure and release and they're relying on consistency and they're relying on aids. So, and as we've established over many conversations that you know, what, what will get the horse will train the horse's pressure and release and what will get the horse to want to do it again is release at the right time or removal of pressure at the right time. And what will get the horse to do it to the maximum of their athletic ability is a rider who's not holding them together, a rider who's supple and balanced and making the corrections and leaving the horse alone, disappearing, as we've discussed before. So, you know, being a perfectionist does not, does not put you in the mindset of going through that process. So that's where the contradiction happens. And, and you know, I've trained a lot myself trying to get better at this. But also notice this in some of the better trainers around the world. And they are all about the mistake making process. I mean the, the contradictory side to dressage is most of us only watch those, you know, the very top riders and the top combinations. We only ever really see them in the test. Yeah, and of course in the test the rider's trying to look perfect, but that is not what created the picture. The picture was created through mistakes and looseness and finding out and system and finding out what's the horse able to do by itself and where are the fours in my system, that that's what created the picture. And the perfectionist side comes out right in the minutes or that they're doing the test or when they're just Working on elements of the test in their, in the training. That's when you can sort of say, okay, can I, can I now present the picture that is as close to what is perceived as being the perfect picture. Can I switch this on now? And you check that and then once you've checked it, then you go back to your other way, your mistake making and all the rest of the.

You mentioned in the beginning, I jotted it down that you know, we can be a bit crippled by perfection. I love that. And it also reminds me of probably another pavarism, really. I shouldn't give this one away, but it's your papyrism is that a world time reward can halve your trading time. And I think if we, if we're sort of caught up in this perfectionism where, and, and a bit frustrated and really in a rush to make it perfect today, we're going to be missing those opportunities to find reward and like you mentioned, their release. We're going to actually be missing training opportunities, right?

Yeah, definitely. I mean it's all about reward and release and, and the, the timing of aids. This whole, this whole process of engaging with your horse and, and training them through the sport of dressage is all about that timing. So like you say, if you're trying to look perfect, hold things together, make sure you don't make mistakes, you're giving your horse no, no knowledge, you're really just holding them in shape and after a while they'll just start looking for the easiest way possible to, to, to, to exist in this relationship and they'll just start leaning all over those aids. And so the, the, the perfectionist side to us, when it takes over, when it becomes the loudest voice in our head, which, you know, we're all riding around with voices in our head, of course when it becomes the loudest voice in our head, it just stops you, it stops you testing, letting things happen, training the system, making mistakes. And, but then there's the other side too, which is just riding around the whole time making mistakes and, and, and, and not having a structure. So you know, if, if we are looking at what can we really focus on with our perfectionist nature, you know, with this nature of not wanting to make mistakes. Well, pretty much what we can turn that attention to is the system and, and, and ride. What is, what does in front of the leg feel like on my horse? Can I stop riding and my horse keeps going? Can I sit up, make a half halt and feel that the horse is listening to my seat or my, my body they're the things that we want to ask the questions. So be a, like, channel that perfectionist energy into asking lots of questions from the horse. Questions that, you know, the sport is going to ask you. You know, corners, half halts, preparation, all of the questions that are going to be on the test papers and in training and what we know we need to do in short sides and be very good at thinking about those things and processing that information, Turn your energy and attention into being more focused in that area and then very curious about what the answer is from the horse. Like, have that curiosity to. To. To say, okay, if I stop riding right now and sit up and make a half halt, you know, what's going to happen? I'm curious to find out what's going to happen here. And if the horse just, you know, stops or makes a downward transition, we go, oh, okay. Well, I, that wasn't the aid, that wasn't my intention, but clearly I've been holding this together with. At. With fear that my horse might stop. Well, actually, the only way I'm going to train them not to stop at this moment and accept my half alt and keep going by themselves is to let them make the mistake and then correct it and be clear about it. So then that starts to tell you where you're, where you need to make the work. And that's where we need to focus our energy and have the curiosity that runs alongside of it to see how much of the system is being understood by the horse. We all, we all do it. We all get in the habit of helping the horses and not wanting to make mistakes and looking good and going past these enormous mirrors that we have at the end of the arena and looking great and all these things. Right, well, that, that's. We need to save that for the judges and then put the bits in the horse really put a lot of thought into. What parts do I need to do to be able to execute a really good test? Like a test that, you know, has a way of going in my horse that is the, you know, to the maximum of my horse's potential and then an accuracy and a knowledge that I can do these movements in the correct, you know, form and on the markers. Exactly on the markers, point to point and. And, you know, you'll find that holding them together and being scared to make mistakes is not what's going to produce that. It's going to be the horse learning the aids and the rules.

Just a quick message from us if any of the ideas discussed today resonate with you and you'd love to dive deeper. Head over to performanceriders.com there's a bunch of free content for, for you. And there's loads of opportunities as well to work with us by enrolling in one of our training or mentoring programs. Performanceriders.com so the part reason we're discussing today is it doesn't have to be perfect today. So we're talking a little bit about those perfectionist tendencies that a lot of us have, and also, I guess, that rush to make it the finished product, you know, right away. Brett, can you talk a little bit about the benefits of tiny incremental progress every day? And you know, sometimes in the programs that you teach in with us in Dressage Breakthrough and in the Gold program, we talk about that 1%, that 1% improvement every day. Let's talk about that a little bit because I think sometimes as riders, we, I guess it's almost like we, we think the horse has the same goals as us and they want to produce the perfect work as well. And so when we ask why isn't it happening? But it actually is happening in tiny little increments. Right? And sometimes you even say, like, use your imagination. Do you want to talk a little bit about that?

Yeah, look, this also is hard to recognize because little increments sometimes don't feel like you're getting anywhere. And we, again, we all fall into that, to the habit of wanting a bit too much, a bit too quickly. And that just seems to be the way that, you know, because dressage is such a. It is a sport of development and we have to keep reminding ourselves of that, that the reason the levels are there is to show, is to develop the horse according to training, that, you know, the training system or scale and, and that is deeply embedded in the, in the levels of dressage, the, the fact that we stick to the scale. So it is a sport of development and reminding ourselves that, yes, it is. Feeling small incremental improvements is not easy. And sometimes because this is such a long training process, it's not like teaching a young cutting horse how to identify a cow. And then all of a sudden you feel them switch onto the cow and you're like, wow, okay, well, he's getting it. This takes quite a while. And there are often times when you're going, you, you'll feel like you're going backwards. And, and probably there's another podcast in itself is, you know, being in that moment when you feel like things are going backwards and actually how you reflect on that and because that's, that's the dangerous time, that's when you're most likely to go on a tangent. It's when you're most likely to lose confidence, most likely to lose interest, all those things.

Or you start calling every coach in the States.

That's right. You start hitting walls. You know, we all hit walls. Everyone does. And you feel like, oh, I've been going on this path of small incremental improvement and I don't really feel like I've got anywhere. And now I feel like it's all going backwards. Well, the reality is, I mean, we need to maybe create a video diary of a horse and try to just keep some sort of something to be able to reflect back on that. You can go, oh, you know what? I have actually made some improvement in the last six months because it is hard to feel, but we are in a sport of development. If you keep going with consistency and keep reviewing things regularly, you will keep improving. Like there's. No, you can't. Not like you can't. Not if you're putting. If you're investing the energy into the. Into the right areas, into the right philosophy and into the right ideas and mentor. Mentorship or, you know, if you've got the right people around you, you. You won't be going backwards. You might not feel like you're going forwards, but I guarantee it, you are, because, you know, it's. The little things are often hard to feel. Yeah, I think where we fall in traps, certainly I can speak for myself here. Where I've fallen in traps in the past is when I've asked for something or when I've looked for something too big as far as an incremental improvement. And that tends to. Then the horse goes, no, no, no, we're not. We're not here. And then all of a sudden you get resistance and then you start having problems.

What's an example from your riding of when. When you might try for that or expect the. The big leap or perhaps you see other riders doing that. Is there a typical sort of area in the training?

I mean, I tend to fall on this one quite a bit. When you're going from horses from the working paces to collected then to, like, the even more collected places. So it's the introduction of collection. Usually we all want to feel. And I say we, I'm talking about me. I usually fall in the trap of wanting to feel the collection happen a little too quickly and. And then, of course, the horses are going to not just give that to you without a. Some form of a, you know, resistance. So Sometimes that it can be a process that I'll find myself wanting a bit too much collection. And then, then what comes with that is some resistances. So resistances through the back, through the pole, through the pace. You do have to push the boundaries. I mean, there's a fine line between not asking enough but then asking too much. Like there's, There's a very. There's a fine line there. I think probably going down the. It's always a tough one. I'm just trying to think on the move here. But going down the path of not asking enough will also probably not get you there either. So, yeah, that's when video is really important. So even today, for example, I was riding around with Mel, my wife, and I said, look, I think I need to get you to video me on this horse, this five year old, because I feel myself going down the same path where I'm trying to ask for a bit too much collection. And he's giving me all the signs that it's too much. So I've got to. I want to see this from the ground. I want to see this on video. I want to see what's happening when I ask the question. He might even be. He might be doing everything I'm asking and I'm just missing the point. Yeah. So, yeah, I think the introduction of collection can often be one of the places where we get a bit over keen.

And I know in the program, you know, I mentioned before about how you sometimes tell us to. That we need to use our imaginations. And that's often when it comes to the half halt aids.

Yeah.

You often say we need to use our imagination in terms of what's going on in the horse's feet when we use those half halt aids. You want to talk a little bit about that?

Yeah, that's right. So, so basically there that. That response from your horse can be so small and they give us a response and we don't feel it, therefore we override it. And that's what I'm saying there a moment ago is the, the trap that, the trap that we fall into is that we tend to then not quite feel what the horse does in a, in a small gesture and then just override that a little bit too much and then we end up creating problems there that we have to unravel anyway. So. And sometimes at that point, if you just can use your imagination and think, okay, all right, I set up, I made a half hop. I'm pretty sure the horse came up underneath me or come back higher underneath Me, I don't. Didn't really feel it, but I think so, you know, just use your imagination and go, okay, well, it happened. That's sometimes better. And you start building that incrementally than. Than overdoing it.

Yeah.

Feeling something that's obvious so that. That will sometimes grow more than over, than overdoing it. On the same time, you know, you've. There's a certain phase where you'll accept that, and then there's a phase when you go, well, actually, I've now would like to feel something a bit more than just the fact that I think I felt it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I guess it's just allowing us to have that option and almost give the horse a little bit of the benefit of the doubt at the beginning when you're beginning to ask some questions and just to make sure that we don't miss things that might be subtle.

That's right. That's right. And that. That is the nuts and bolts is at the beginning, when you're teaching it. That's a better process.

Great, Great chat today, Brett. Really loved that. And I think, like you said in the beginning, it's so true that many of us dressage writers have these perfectionist tendencies, and we're in a bit of a rush to have everything great, great, and looking wonderful and perfect, and that we're silent as riders. And of course, it doesn't happen right away. So there's some great reminders in there about, you know, being receptive to small, little, small changes and progresses and small responses from the horse so we can find some moments to disappear and some moments to reward and to not hinder our progress with our perfectionism. So I really enjoyed that. Thank you very much.

Pleasure. Good stuff.