Ep 20: A decision not to invest in growth is a decision to stay at the same level

From performanceriders.com this is the Pabri podcast. I'm Nat Foxen and each episode I challenge World equestrian Games top 10 dressage writer Brett Parbury to explain and discuss what I call a parburyism. That's a pearl of wisdom I've written down over the years of working together in our performance writers programs. Brett doesn't know what today's pabraism is. Let's get into it. Hi, Brett. Are you ready to get started with today's parvarism?

I am. I'm very keen. It's been a while, so let's. Let's do it.

Awesome. It's a long one. The parism today is a decision not to invest in growth, is a decision to stay at the same level. A decision not to invest in growth is a decision to stay at the same level. Level.

So that's the text message I sent you the other day.

It's a text message you sent me. I was going to say it's actually kind of an unusual parism from the car.

I sent that from the car. I was driving along and I dictated it onto the text and I sent it to you because I, I like sending you these little things that jump in my mind when I. When I'm driving along. Well, do you know why I sent it?

Why? Go on.

I was driving along thinking to myself, we know performance riders works like, like, we know it works. We. I've seen so many riders go through it and I've get all this great feedback. And I was thinking to myself, how can I, how can I get this message to other writers who I know are out there just doing the usual thing. They, they're in this routine. They believe that, oh, yeah, I need to get a writing lesson. I need to. I need lessons. I'm just going to turn up for my monthly, weekly lessons, whatever it might be. I'm going to go to my shows and they're in a groove. They're in a groove. Yeah. How can I, how can I convince those people that this is going to help them? And, and then I thought to myself about, okay, should I ask the question? Are you happy with your last five years of writing? And ask that question, you know, you know, are you happy with your last five years of writing? If you look back and take an honest assessment of the last five years of your writing, yes, of course. I'm sure you've improved, but are you really happy with this career? The career, the, the body of work that's out there in the last five years and let writers make that assessment themselves. And if they go, I'm not sure I would say, well, that's, that's a glimpse of the next five years. Unless you change something. Yeah, unless you actually step in and invest in growth, you may as well just go, well, that's going to be the next five years. Doesn't matter what horse you put into the system. Doesn't matter what horse or, you know, that's the next five years unless you actually invest in personal growth. So then that's why I sent that to you is just something that's in top of my head. And. Yeah, and I, and I, and I really mean that. Like, probably the best comparison I can make there is when I was injured on the lounge back in 2020, laying on the lounge with broken leg and, you know, very sore and sorry for myself. My, one of my best friends sent me a text message. I think I've told you the story where he said, you're not going to sit there for three months, you know, because he said to me, what are you going to do for the next three months or four months? And I said, I don't know. He says, well, I know, I know what you're not going to do, and that is watch Netflix and lay around. He said, you're going to invest in yourself. You're going to do it every day and you're going to turn up like it's a job. And it was great, great advice. Probably life changing, to be honest. And that is, you know, how the program evolved. Like, that's how this evolved and how my mindset for growth evolved. And yeah, it was the best advice I could have ever been given.

I think when I, when I saw this text message come through originally, it brought up so many questions for me because I thought, okay, I really want to dig into this. Like, what does he mean by growth? What does he mean by staying at the same level? I really want to dig into it because I think sometimes you can, you know, you can sort of say these things like rattle off these quotes and they sort of wash over you. You don't really think that much about it. But I thought, let's dig into it. Okay, let's, let's talk about growth. Like, I love what you just said about looking at the past five years and that body of work and that what reason would there be for the next five years to be different? So let's dig more into that idea of growth.

Well, I'll start, I'm going to start with something that I've noticed over the years is the better human makes the better rider and the horses get the benefit of the better rider. So let's go back to the better human. So the better human, and then you think about, what does that mean? Is it healthier, is it happier, is it clearer, is it rounded, is it a more rounded person? Is it an emotionally stable person? Is it a person who has time? What is that? What does a better human look like? Well, I think, you know, if we all think about it, one, we know that you can't take emotional baggage to training horses like that just does not work. So, yes, it is a person who has their emotions in check. And usually now, you know, is it a personal life thing? I'm not sure, but someone who's not carrying baggage from off the horse to on the horse and also from horse to horse, if you've got number of different horses. So that would be one. The next one would be someone who's clear with knowledge. So someone who understands completely what they're doing as far as the sport they're engaging in, having a clear structure and a clear training system. The next one would be someone who's physically capable to do what they wish to do. Now, that doesn't mean you've got to be, you know, a gymnast, you know, doing backflips or whatever. It just means someone who can sit in the saddle in a balanced position with knowledge about, first of all, horsemanship and the training system and then be able to deliver the aids so the horse can understand it. So working on skills and then it's someone who's investing in becoming a more rounded person and someone who is not just so fixated on dressage and looking at social media and worrying about it the whole time. So a more rounded person is someone who's investing in knowledge, whether it's a foreign language, whether it's learning about investment markets, travel, history, you know, just having another subject in your life and, and becoming a more worldly person. I think they're all things that really play to the human spirit. And, and as you know, I don't want to get all spiritual here on your net, but the, the, this brings contentment and, and contentment makes you happier and makes you more emotionally stable. And I just think the horses benefit from all of this. And if that's what growth is, then we need to grow because I know I'm not investing enough in that. I would love to invest more when I've got time and not be like, I'm trying to make myself not be lazy. Don't Be a lazy thinker. Try to, even if it's just 10 minutes of learning Spanish or learning German or whatever it might be, or 10 minutes of reading about investment markets or, or about history and rather than watching the mindless soapy on television, go on and watch the History Channel, like something that just educates and gives us knowledge. I think it's, it's, it's a good habit to get into. And, and I, I see that as growth. And I see performance riders and what we offer in performance riders with structure, community support and, and accountability to a rider. I see that as a growth tool. And I just wished that I could like change the mindset of a, a whole bunch of people that I know would benefit. I mean, I'm, if it was no good, I wouldn't sit here saying this. I'm just not, I'm not the sort of person that can sell rubbish like it's got to be good. And if it's good, then I can say, okay, I think this is going to really suit you and you'll really grow from this and your horse will benefit from this. And, and I believe it. I do believe it. I've seen it with my own eyes. Providing people invest the time and effort.

Yeah.

And I think that's, I think it's.

Really interesting what you're saying about. One of the pieces of the puzzle is, you know, investing in becoming a well rounded person and bringing that to the saddle. Because I know often the horse people get a bit cranky at me when I say that. And I get it from the performance psychologist we work with in the program, Jonah Oliver. He's got a program that you and him put together and he talks about the fact that, you know, the horse life and riding can really take over and it's so valuable to have something else, something else that you can just focus on for a while, that you can talk about, that you can connect with other people. And I think, I feel like that's actually a big thing what you're talking about there. And it's not often that well received by horse people because they're, they want to be horses, horses, horses. And you know, we get that.

I mean, if you showed me a professional, a long standing professional also I'll show you someone who doesn't want to talk about horses.

Right.

At the end of the day we, you know, and I think, of course I understand it when, when you're, when you're working all day doing something else and horses are your passion and your hobby, you want to talk about It, I fully get that. And I like that that's passion. I love passion.

Yeah.

And I love being of personally, I love being available to share passion with people. It's a, it's a great way to earn an income and, and to be part of people's lives is when they're really enjoying themselves. But I do believe that, yes, it's not like, it's not always quantity. The quantity of, of fashion fascination or passion is what gets you there. It's. It's the quality, it's the, it's the measured, the measured development of yourself. So I think we spoke about it once before about what are some of the key characteristics of someone who's successful in whatever they choose to do. And one of those key characteristics was the ability to select and select how you grow. And if you're only growing. And it's. When I say it out loud. I can't believe we're so stupid. I really can't believe humans are so stupid. But, and I did this for years, trust me, I've made these mistakes. But I can't believe we leave the growth for our dressage or horse riding pursuits. Passion. We invested so much money in this, by the way, but this could be every horse sport. I can't believe we leave the growth to just when we're on the horse or just when we're around the horses.

Yeah.

Then we shoot off and we think about something else and we don't grow. Like, like this has to be a completely rounded thing where you are growing all the time in every facet. So, for example, if I listen to a podcast about golf players, the whole time I'm hearing that podcast, I'm thinking, wow, that's some terminology that I believe my horse people could benefit from. Or that's a way of thinking, or that's a line of thought or a line of skill acquisition or whatever. That is something I'm sure my horse riding community can benefit from. Like every bit of knowledge I'm taking, you know, as I, as I'm trying to grow myself and broaden my spectrum, I'm finding that will work, that won't work. This will work. They're great words that will light a spark, you know that they're the things I'm trying to think of as I'm. As I'm growing personally. And I mean, once you open your mind up to growing, you realize how small you are. Like, you realize how big that, how much world there is to explore. And then of course, when you come back to your writing, you're clearer, you're sharper, you're, you're, you're more open to criticism. And not only criticism, but like, how, how to grow more from the saddle. You're, you know, it's just so many benefits and I just wished, because I don't want to feel like a cheesy kind of salesperson, oh, come and join the program and, you know, get 10% off. Like, it's more like, I think this is going to work for you. Like, I really think this will work. I really think your horse will benefit. I really think you'll enjoy dressage more when you can be shown how to grow in this manner and given this information.

Just a quick message from us. If any of the ideas discussed today resonate with you and you'd love to dive deeper, head over to performanceriders.com there's a bunch of free content for you and there's loads of opportunities as well to work with us by enrolling in one of our training or mentoring programs. Performanceriders.com so the papyrism we're talking about today is a decision not to invest in growth, is a decision to stay at the same level. We've been talking a little bit about growth in this section. And Brett, for what about, what about for listeners of the podcast who are thinking, well, I already invest in lessons and I listen to podcasts and I think about it all the time. What more can they be doing?

Well, first of all, I'd say good on you. Like, well done. You're investing in, in coaching and you're listening to podcasts. That is great, right? And that's the start. So either try to get your coach, form a relationship with your coach so that that coach can mentor you. And hopefully your coach is a person who is a bit worldly and able to share, you know, not only their experiences, their mistakes, but the ways in which they have grown. And there's definitely good coaches out there that are able to do this. Most of them are time poor. That's the only issue. But if you can find that, that is great because I'm a bit guilty of thinking that everybody in dressage has been in as long as I have. When I do the rounds and I talk to people like, you know, recently at Equitana, I realize that so many of the population have been in this for less than five years. Some have been less than 10 years. Some, some don't have the broad depth of knowledge of the history of dressage and how things became the way they are. And, and, you know, sometimes I feel like a historian when I'm talking to these people, talking about the. What appear to be the good old days. But you know, someone, if you're coming in and you are like, just learning about this sport, really get someone who has had a broad depth of experience so they can learn from them. As people come into the sport, really think about not only the sport of dressage, think about the horsemanship that's involved, think about learning about the history and what has happened in this sport beforehand and really understand that historical piece. And then think about how do I participate in dressage and how do I grow and how do I become who I want to be for this thing? Because it really is what you're doing, engaging in. Yes, it's a hobby, yes, it's a sport, yes, it's a pastime, a lifestyle and activity, but doesn't mean you can't really engage in it and, and grow as a person, because, you know, it does. It definitely can help you in that regard. Relying on a writing lesson is trying to think, like, if I went to university and just relied on like a 40 minute tutorial where they covered every subject in the whole degree once a week, like, do you reckon I get like, you can. I'd pass without some other learning, like online written video, whatever it might be. And that's essentially what you're doing. You're trying to undertake a university degree. Because training a dressage horse to Grand Prix or even competed at it successfully is, is freaking difficult. Like, that is difficult. It's complicated. It is, it is. So there's so much to it that let's put it on the same par as a university degree, but you're relying on it One, one tutorial at a time.

Yeah.

And who does a degree like that? Yeah.

And not only is it one tutorial, but it's one tutorial where you're not just sitting there listening to information, you're doing a million other things. So you're only taking in 10% of it anyway.

Well, that's right. Like you imagine sitting in a tutorial and trying to balance and move and listen and think about what the horse is thinking and try and take in everything the lecture tells you. I mean, when I sat in tutorials, I was battling to take it in anyway, let alone all that stuff as well, so. So you're lucky if you get 20% of it. And then, of course, and this is where I think we underestimate this. We overestimate what a lesson can do and we underestimate what the importance of a shared philosophy with you and your coach. So we overestimate, oh, 45 minutes with. With a great trainer. Yeah, someone from somewhere, Spanish person. I'm going to have a lesson with this person. We overestimate what that's going to do for us. And we underestimate the fact that when I walk in that arena and I'm having a lesson with this famous Spanish person, first of all, do we both agree on how we want this sport to be done? Look, easy light aids horse responding on light touches. The fact I'm going to go down the center line, hold, salute, turn left, track right, Whatever it might be, the structure. Or am I just going in there to just. Just get information thrown in and I'm going to perceive that the way my philosophy allows me to perceive it. So if the Spanish guy says, okay, make those a bit more active, make him active now, come back, do this. And ultimately you can't get a good feel for what the person wants you to do on the day. You need to have backup and support and video and an analysis and go through it, but just to rely on it then and there. And then think naively. Think you're going to be able to repeat that for the rest of that horse's career. Just forget it. Like, you may as well not go. But on the other side, if it's a shared philosophy, if you've had a chance to speak with. I'm just going to use the Spanish person again as an example. You've had a chance to learn, like, to understand their philosophy, understand their training system, understand their language, understand how they describe things, the priorities they might have, the way in which they analyze your horse. They analyze your horse and understand the difficulties you're having, and they specifically target those difficulties. Then you might get something out of a lesson. But who discusses all that before they have the lesson?

Yeah, no, I was just thinking that. Well, that's never happened.

Like, you're lucky if someone sits there for more than an hour before their lesson and an hour after, like, they come and they go, yeah, like, it's crazy. At what point do we ever think this is going to work? Yeah, then we try. And then we try to apply the little snippets we got out off the coach, the good coach, whatever it might be, the visiting coach. We try to apply the little snippets into our system, which could be completely different to theirs. And we try and do it by ourselves and think it's going to get us somewhere, get us better. And then when we revert to the way we've always done it for the last five years. Are we surprised?

Yeah, exactly.

Like so you know, it probably not what you're expecting to come out of this question, by the way, but that's what I was thinking when I sent you the message to say about growth, you know, and I'm trying to think of all, all the time trying to think of how can I change the perception out there, that performance riders online thing. Oh, it's not for me. I've already got a coach, you know, I'm doing well. It's not for me. How do you know it's not for you? How do you know? Are you the most rounded growth person in history? Are you the person who has the best training system of all time? Have you even analyzed your training system? How do you know it's not for you? And, and that's the bit that it frustrates me. But I also get it, you know, I get why people are like a bit anti. Because it's online and how, how do you learn training just such online? But, you know, all I can say is I've, I'm watching it every day. I'm convinced. I've watched these people who are in there, who are invested and they're going through it systematically forming their own systems, growing as people getting better training as horses come in. I'm just watching this and I'm like, man, I wished I'd known this years ago. I wished I'd done it, wish someone had done me.

Exactly.

Because I'd be a lot better.

I just finally want to dig into the second part of the papyrism, which is, well, the whole thing is a decision not to invest in growth is a decision to stay at the same level and talk about that thing of staying at the same level. Because I can imagine some riders listening, thinking, well, I'm not at the same level. I've taught my horse all the movements and I've managed to, you know, go up three or four levels, whatever, over the years. I just can't quite crack. You know, insert percentage here. Like, I just can't crack. No matter what horse I have, no matter what level I'm on, I seem always to be getting whatever score they're always on. This is something I hear from writers all the time. Like, I just can't get beyond such and such score. And I feel like, Brett, is that sort of what you mean by staying at the level that it's not even necessarily the actual dressage level, but it's like the overall quality of what they're putting out.

A really famous coach once said to me, you'd be lucky if you can change the way a person rides. Like he was saying they ride how they ride. That's, that's it. You know, you've got to have someone who's really, really aware and really into development to actually change the way they ride. And he said that is really going back to square one. To change the way someone rides, you've got to take them right back and reinvent it. Because by the time generally we see them as coaches, people have been riding for quite some time and they formed the way they ride and it's a little bit like the way someone runs, you know, like the, the people run how they run. If you wanted to change the way someone runs, you'd have to go right the way back and start from the biomechanics upwards. And it's a little similar. Right. So. But then there's changing the way they apply their aids. Now that's where your training system comes in. So when a rider gets stuck, say in a groove. Okay, 65 to 67, good day 67, ordinary day 65, bad day 63. Yeah, that's us. Right. That's the bandwidth. And why can't I crack the 70s? You'll generally find it comes back to the overall way of going. So it's almost a bit like we've got to actually to change this, we've got to actually change it from the, from the ground up. Yeah. But this has got to start from the bottom up. It starts with how the horse responds to your aid, how the horse goes by itself, how, how you steer the shoulders, how you create the frame, how you make the half halt, how you sit in the saddle when all that's happening, when your pressure release moments come and go and how you, how you live by the philosophy that you want this to look easy because it, you know, you largely doing not much and you're easy for the horse to carry that the general way of going is, is actually how you move the needle. But not many riders, unless they're completely honest with themselves or have hit rock bottom and they need solutions. Yeah. Are prepared to go that far back into their system to implement such big changes.

Yeah.

Unless you can show them, you know, this is the reason why and have them believe it. And this is sort of a bit why it's hard. The message that of growth and self improvement and moving the needle and, you know, all that, it's a hard message because unless there's only two reasons really that someone wants to find that. And one is I've hit rock bottom and that's they run of it, run out of answers. Or two, they're really super self aware and they're into this mindset of growth and development. That's the only two reasons. If someone's going along, having a great time, doing quite well, fairly happy at this level, you're not going to change them. Like they're not, they're not interested.

Yeah, but I think that's exactly what's happening. I mean, if you use the scenario you just sort of outlined, then, you know, you're going out, you're getting mid-60s. So in a writer's mind, they're thinking, well, I just have to tweak some things. They're not necessarily thinking, I have to break this thing down and build it back up again to then have an amazing foundation to break the 70s and go beyond. So I totally get it, but I just think what you've said over the last two minutes is so important. And that is the work of breaking it all down and building it back up again. And then you'll really thrive. That's what I've seen of the riders in your programs.

Well, that's right. And the other block, you know, like we say about the block of the bandwidth of 63 to 67, the other block is going from small tour to big tour in dressage. And the mystery that big tour is just for the professionals or just for the, you know, special people. It's not, it's not, it's. It's for people who train systematically and who have the end in mind all the way through their training system. And their training system reflects the Grand Prix level. And that's, they're the people that make it to Grand Prix. And that's why you end up with the same names in Grand Prix all the time. Because they know they train with the end in mind, with the, with the Grand Prix level in mind all the way through the levels. So it's not for just the special people, it's for those who want to invest in understanding that. Now, unless you've got a mentor, a coach or a mentor or some way of understanding that on the way through, if that coach and mentor is saying, this horse, she's built like this, she has a temperament like this, you ride like this, we're gonna, we're gonna get you sitting the way I want you to sit, which is this way, because this is my philosophy on what dressage is about. This is how we're going to get you delivering your aids. Now, this is the aids that we want to have her responding to at this level. And the reason we want this is because at Grand Prix, she needs to respond to these aids, you know, and, and really sets it out. The reason we're doing this is because later on in Grand Prix, this is what's required and all the way through. And if, oh, wow, we won a ribbon in medium, we won a medium championship. Wow, that's great. But that's not the end game. We're still on our way through to Grand Prix, right? This is, don't change the goalpost. We're, we're, we're sticking with. It doesn't mean you have to be slow and steady. Like, you can still get horses to really work and look great at the lower levels, providing you're not compromising the training towards Grand Prix. If you've got a coach like that, I say congratulations. Never leave. Even if you're having a bad day, even if you had a bad year with that coach, you stay with them because they are on the right way. Because if they've got Grand Prix in mind for you and Grand Prix, that the philosophy of what they think Grand Prix should be is what you with your intelligence believes Grand Prix is when you watch the best in the world and you watch the best riders, you think, oh, yeah, that's how I want to look. If that matches up and they're prepared to take you through the highs and lows, congratulations. So that, I think is the most important thing. But, man, how much self reflection have we just had to go through there?

I know. Do you know what? I think this is one of the most important podcast episodes we've done.

It could be, I don't know, it's just something that's been on my mind since Equitana and something that, you know, as personally as I was speaking to the audiences and watching people engage with, you know, my message. And I think, I mean, I'm not trying to say this either. I'm not some, you know, I'm trying to do this too. Like, I don't want to sit here believing that I'm the best in the world. I'm. This is the journey I'm on, and I'm just relaying it to everyone else. And, you know, I'm trying to do all of what we just said in my way to a better standard. And I just know that what we're offering through the program, as it evolves, as it grows, as it develops, and as I'm watching more and more people involved in it, and as I'm getting more feedback, I just really wished I could break the mindset that it's not for me. And I just sometimes wish I could say, why. Why is it not for you? What have you heard that I haven't heard? What do you know that I don't know about it?

Yeah.

Amazing.

Thank you so much, Brett.

Pleasure. Thank you.