REPLAY: Think Differently with Brian Gubernick — Next Level Agents: The Kevin & Fred Show - Interviews with the best and brightest minds in the real estate industry

Hey guys, welcome to The Kevin and Fred Show. My name is Kevin Kaufman. I'm your host, and I just want to say thank you for taking some time out to listen with us this week. Do me a favor if you don't mind, before we get to today's guest, head on over to ratethispodcast.com. That is ratethispodcast.com/NLA. That stands for Next Level Agents. ratethispodcast.com/NLA and leave us a review, or just go to any podcast player that you prefer and look us up, The Kevin and Fred Show. And please leave us a review. That is the best way to support our efforts here in the show. All right, let's get to today's episode. Hey guys, Kevin Kaufman here, and special episode this week of Kevin and Fred Show. Fred and I had actually recorded something, but it was really just us sort of ranting and not really worth posting. And I was thinking about a conversation that we had at our mastermind a few months ago. So we had a special guest, Brian Gubernick. Some of you may know Brian. If you don't, I'm going to have him as a guest on the podcast here very soon. And Brian came in and had a conversation with us about the concept of time and how finite it really is. And so we talked about— he talked about many different things, like the— how many days a week, a year you spend with your kids or with your parents, depending on which way you look at it. How to set up a cheat system so that way you can get the most out of the time that you do have. Really give away some tactical tools and things to just better plan for your life, whether that's your health or relationships or your wealth, your business, your friends, siblings, we— all that stuff, right? Travel. So I think you're going to really enjoy this. This is directly from our private mastermind that Fred and I put on a few months ago, and Brian came in and was a guest speaker at. So hope you'll enjoy it. I know I did. We'll see you very soon.

Awesome. I appreciate you guys letting me hang out. I do run a mastermind and do things like that. We talk around tax and wealth and all business building. All that stuff is awesome. Don't get me wrong. I love that. I'm super passionate about it. But the topic that Kevin started with, with this Start With Zero book around time is one that I'm incredibly passionate about, specifically maximizing maximizing it. When I say maximizing it, I'm not telling everybody pull out your calendar right now, let's make sure you're blocked and you're highly efficient. That shit's important, but that's not what I'm kind of talking about. So time, as Kevin mentioned, I mean, it really is finite. I'm not telling you anything that we don't know. However, what I've discovered, what I've found, and I think many of us have realized this, is that so many of us are just not purposeful with Maybe a better way to say this, um, who's got a movie recently? Anybody? I have a feeling everyone in here saw Top Gun. You saw Top Gun? Okay, where's that? There, okay, perfect. Man, you walked right into this. Here we go. Um, so the first time you saw Top Gun, right? Did you see it opening day? Were you one of those guys who'd be like, I gotta go see this, everyone's going nuts? You would have been. Okay, so when you went to see Top Gun, um, I'm assuming you just pulled up to any old theater, walked up and saw the first time, went in. You did do that? Or did you look at the theater and say, oh man, I gotta have the right sound, I gotta have the right theater? Which kind of were you? Okay, so you normally, when you normally go to a movie, you've got your theater, you You got your sound, they have the right sound for you, especially Top Gun, like those jets flying over, all that stuff. The right seats, you sit in the old theater seats, you gotta have the recliner now, recliner now, right? So you figure out the time that works for your schedule. Who's going with you? Your wife goes, she gotta coordinate the schedule, right? So you go to the theater, you get there, you have your tickets, you give them your tickets, you go in, you go straight to the theater, or do you go concessions then? Concession stand, you have something specific you get? You're a beer guy. That's what you get there. So I'll go M&M's, right? It's like, hey, this is the one time I'm having M&M's, right? So you go there, does your wife get something? Cool. Now you guys are walking to the theater. Do you make a pit stop before you go in the theater? All right, so you're not— you don't do that. Oh, you did it at home though. You actually stopped yourself at home. What's the point of what I'm saying? Stop doing it. I'm not going to the theater and going to have to get up, so I'm going to go to the bathroom and make myself go to the bathroom before I leave. Right? Like when I walk into the theater, I'm walking in and I'm like, "Oh, bathroom." Even though I don't have to go, I'm like, "I don't want to get up during this 2.5-hour deal." Stop doing it. Where am I going with this? This is not to pick on Pete at all. Many of you have probably figured out what I'm about to say. People plan how they go to a movie better than they plan their life. They plan on how they're going to go to the movie better than they plan the relationship that they're going to have with their son or daughter or their spouse. They plan a movie or a vacation. Vacation's a great one. Like if I say, hey, who went on vacation recently? Everyone's gonna put their hand up. Cool. How'd you go about doing that? You just, you know, pick something on a map and go? Hell no. You went on Expedia, then you read reviews, and you price shopped it because you felt guilty if you didn't, right? And then you went to that destination and you looked at all the things you got to do. Then he has people around like, have you been there? What would you do? Here's what I'm doing, right? Does that sound familiar? It's amazing how calculated we are about our movies and our vacations, but we don't do the same thing in our personal worlds, in our lives. That to me is freaking crazy. It really is. And I, I am, you know, I, I do have, uh, I was gonna say little kids, I guess not so super little anymore. My girls are 11 and 10, almost 12 and 10. And probably those kids prompted me to look at how I'm managing my world, because much like, you know, probably like several of you, um, and Kevin and Fred were the same way when we were in '08, '09, '10, '11. I'm not here to tell you like, work hard. You're gonna work your ass off, especially right now in the shipping market. Fact. Like, hard work is is a key to success. But I was very— I had no true balance. Like, I was going super hard in my business, and I did get up on stage once in an interview and was asked, why do you do what you do? And I said, oh, it's for my family, for my 1-year-old at the time. Then I got off stage, I'm like, wow, I feel like shit, because that's not why I'm getting up every morning going to work. And I felt even worse because I'm like, why is it in my family? What's wrong with me? And I had to go on this whole journey to figure out what the hell was going on. So getting back to the point we're talking about today, this, this Die With Zero concept, the, this idea of time is truly finite. I want to show you what I'm talking about here. So I borrowed this from a friend of mine, uh, Fred Weaver. He sent this to me a couple days ago, and I want to read it to you. A lot of words, but I don't know if I want to read it to you because I think it's really powerful. Whatever age you are today, your future self would love to be it. Most people do not consider 65 to be a young age, but when you're 75, you'd love to rewind to 65 and regain those years. Few people would describe 35 as your youth, but in your mid-50s, your mid-30s will seem like the young you. Today is a great opportunity no matter your age. Looking back in a few years, today will seem like the time when you were young and full of potential, or the moment when you could have started early or the turning point when you made a choice that benefited your future. The moment in front of you right now is a good one, so make the most of it. James Clear. That's a pretty badass quote. You might want to read it a time or two. Like, you literally at this very second are the youngest that you'll be moving forward. That's pretty interesting. Like, I hear oftentimes— I'll just want to have this conversation, you know, I'll talk with somebody and I'll see that look on the face like, I'm too late. And when I read this quote, I'm like, too late, that's bullshit. Because if you're 70 and you think it's too late, how do you think you're going to feel at 80? Like, the 80-year-old you is going to want to be wishing they were the 70-year-old you, right? So really, really interesting quote. Now, as we talk about time though, I want to give you some graphics here. That little guy represents a year. Here's what 90 years would look like. 90 years, nothing special here, just 90. Here's 90 years in months. You see what Kevin has right there? Did you talk about that at all yet? Yeah. 90 years in months. Here's Fridays. It's the first time I've ever looked at it on a slide this big that is definitely like I'm seeing spots. And things now. There's a small little message in there. It says, "Namaste, son of a bitch." There's your Fridays. There's your Fridays. I think that would be 90 years worth of Fridays is what I think I have in there. Pretty interesting. Kevin was just talking about this. How about winters? How about winters in your life? Now you mentioned snowboarding. You see I have 44 X's there. I've gone through 44 winters in my life. Now I'm here, I'm in Phoenix, right? Winters mean snow to me. We have to physically go to snow. When I think about skiing or snowboarding, right, my family, we get like a ski trip in a year, spring break, Telluride, we drive up there. I get like, we're there 7 days, I probably get 5 days on a hill. Right, so 5 days per year is what I'm getting. To Kevin's point earlier, I'm 44 now. I don't know if I'm still getting those same days in at 65 or 75. So really, if you want to break it down, if I've got 20 more years, let's say, going like that, 100 more snowboarding days. It's pretty interesting when you start thinking about it that way, right? Like, how are you taking advantage of those days? How are you living the time at the mountain? Are you at the bar watching the game? It's cool if you're doing it, but you're aware of the fact that now you have 99 days or 98 days or 97 days or 12 days or 6 days. It's pretty like crazy when you start thinking about it that way. The one that gets me more than winters in my life are actually ocean swims. I love the beach. I love the ocean. Anybody else like the ocean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the— so, so we get, you know, if we didn't cheat the system— when I say cheat the system, getting more purposeful around this, therefore getting more days. I think the average person is probably getting a couple days at the beach a year. Is that safe to say? Maybe not this room. This room probably takes a little, you know, takes a little bit bigger trip. But your average person, they get a couple days. They don't live next to a beach. Good. How about getting in the ocean? The average person goes to the beach and never even puts itself in the ocean. In fact, look around. There's a million people on the beach. There's only 100 in the water, especially if you go left. If you go left, the water's freaking cold, man, right? But it begs the question, yeah, the water's cold, but if you're getting 2-3 days a year at the beach and you're 44 years old and you think I think you're gonna make it. Goobert expects it to like 80, okay? I'm trying to beat that, like I'm trying to get it further, but I'm gonna use 80 for my calculations. If I'm normal, if I don't change things, 36 more years, 2 days per year, 72 more days at the beach. Man, that is not that many days. Think about 72 days from today, like go back 72 days. You're really talking a couple months. Right? That's all the beach time we have now. For those that have kids— who has kids? Okay, cool. It's the beach with the kids. Right? Like, how many parents— how many of us— we're all guilty, I'm guilty of it— go to the beach with the kids and you're sitting at the beach and they're like, "Dad, let's go do this." Right? Better still be Daddy in my house, even though they're little. We haven't dropped the Y yet, that's coming. It's Daddy, let's go do this. Let's go explore. And how many of us are like, I just read this book, can you just chill for a moment? Or, hey, I'm just having this Corona, wait for Snoop Dogg to go walking by. You know, like, I mean, I've been there, right? But how many more days— and Kevin was mentioning this— how many more days is that kid gonna say, let's go explore? How many more days am I gonna get an opportunity to go in the water? With them, right? At the very least, if we're older and they invite me, you know, to go hang out in the water with them or whatever, I damn sure am not going to pick them up and throw them in the waves. How many more days do I get to do that, right? So when I say this, you see, I get real fired up on this. I've taught this 100 times and I still get like the hair on the back of my neck stands up because it's so, it's so important that we think about this though. To me The key word here is awareness. If you're aware that time is finite, if you're aware that you only have a handful more of these days and you choose to still read the book, that book, or drink the Corona, I'm cool with that. I'm not getting on your case about that. I have an issue though if we don't think about it. Why? Because I've read the same article many of you guys have read with the nurse that was in the hospice interviewing the dead, those that had a couple more weeks left, a couple more months left. and every one of them said the same damn thing. The Five Regrets of the Dying. Have you guys ever seen that stuff? Google it if you don't know what I'm talking about. Google Five Regrets of the Dying, and you're gonna see, uh, this article written by this nurse. I think it was like an Australian hospice or something like that, and she talks to those that have a few weeks left. What do you think they were saying? I think they were saying, man, I wish I would have made more money, or man, I wish I would have worked more. No, they say things like I wish I would have lived the life I always wanted to live instead of the one society wanted me to live. I wish I would have created more memories. I wish I would have spent more time with so-and-so. I wish I would have said sorry. Like, these are the things people really care about, right? Not what everyone's grinding at. Now, if you're starting to feel a little weird, if this is making you a little uncomfortable, because I can see it, like the energy always gets weird about right now. It's about to get weirder. Time, I promise you. But if it feels weird right now, that's good. I'm cool with that. I'm totally cool with that, right? If you're mad at me about some of this stuff, I'm totally cool with that. You're gonna be madder here in a moment, so stick with me, okay? Because I want— that you should feel that way. You should feel that way, right? So when I look at Ocean Swam's— when my daughter asked me to go do something, I may not want to go do it. I may want to hobble out there, but I'm sure as shit gonna do it now. It's not gonna happen much more. How about football seasons? Now, um, this doesn't matter much to some of you guys, I'm sure. Um, it does to me though. I'm a football fan. I'm a football family. My dad and my brother, we all grew up in sports. This is a big deal to us. Uh, the Cardinals suck, which is a real challenge for us. But the, but the, the point here is, you know, we think about Super Bowls again. Everybody has their version of this, right? Fill in the blank for your version of football to me, right? So how many more Super Bowls do I have? I mean, really, 44 Super Bowls. I've seen 43, so you figure, I don't know, 45 more Super Bowls if I'm working off that same math I was giving you earlier. Doesn't seem like that matters, you know, like it should matter. That's important to us. My dad comes and hangs out. My mom hangs out. We have a big party every year. We pray the Cardinals are down one day so we can get there again. I don't know if that's going to ever happen, but my point is, is football is a big deal. Sports are a big deal. What is your equivalent to that? I think football season is an interesting one. This one hit me 2 days ago. That's my younger one. I freaking think that costume's a joke. Like, hilarious. You see these kids run around and they blow up dinosaurs. How many more times am I gonna see this kid do this? But the Halloweens with the kids, it hit me 2 days ago because I said to my older one, Avery, um, I said, hey, you know, every year we get a— I rent a golf cart. Like, we actually go pretty hard for Halloween, um, and we drive around the neighborhood, all that stuff. I'm like, hey, you know, what are we gonna do this year? She's like, I And, uh, um, so I think I'm gonna go hang out with my friends. She's 11. I'm like, what do you mean you're hanging out with your friends? She's like, I've got, you know, so-and-so and so-and-so, all these kids' names I don't remember any of them. I think they're all new every time I hear them. She's like, Daddy, you've known her since she was 2. I don't know. Anyways, she's like, she's like, we're, we're all getting together, we're all dressing up as disco, and we're going to trick-or-treat. Such and such neighborhood. I said, well, shit, I'm coming. She says, no, you're not. And I'm like, oh my God, I didn't see that. I didn't think about this one. My trick-or-treating with my 11-year-old is out now. I'm happy that we've gone hard for Halloween and we've had a great run. I just didn't expect it to be right now. So how many more Halloweens with the kids Uh, here's the thing, and I want to run through some math with you. There's a lot of numbers up here. Just don't look at them just yet. I'm going to talk through them with you. Normally I work through a slideshow. Anybody going to Build Pal tomorrow? Okay, I'm going to do the same presentation, so just kind of like smile like it's the first time you've heard it tomorrow. I had to condense it because I only have 20 minutes, and usually I like to work through the math. That's Avery and Katie. Avery's my older one, Katie's The younger one, they only wear that in the house and at dance. They do not go anywhere else in those outfits. If you're looking at that, you're like, shit, yeah, that's just the house, okay? Um, and I was thinking about having my older one on the, uh, stage with me tomorrow when I, when I go through this. I know she'll be super embarrassed, and that's kind of how we do it in our family. So let's take my one on the left there, Avery, okay? She's 11. Okay, so I'm going to use her in this example. The average kid, the average kid and rabbit and parent spends 300 days per year together from the time the kid is 0 until the time the kid is 18. 300 days per year. Okay, let's pause. For me, that makes a ton of sense. I'm on the road I'm doing some things for plenty of time that I'll leave in the morning before the kids are awake and I'll get home when the kids are down to bed. That happens, right? So 300 days, that sounds realistic to you guys? Cool. The average kid after the age of 18 spends 30 days per year with their parent if they live in the same town, and 10 days per year if they don't live in the same town. Okay, think about that. If I didn't— my parents live 10 minutes north of me. If I did not cheat the system, if I didn't do things differently, I'd see my parents 2 or 3 times a month. If you think about it, I'm busy during the week, family's busy, we always have weekend activities. Maybe we get breakfast, maybe we get dinner, whatever it may be. 2 or 3 times a month makes sense. 30 days here in town. 10 days you're living somewhere else. Maybe fly in for Thanksgiving or for the holidays or whatever it may be. For this example, my kids are not allowed to move far away from me, so we're gonna stick with 30. Okay, so 300 days per year, 0 to 18, 30 days when they're 19 and older. So Avery is 11 and I'm 43, so in 7 years I'll be 50. And in 7 years she'll be 18. Okay, we all, we all follow me. I know you guys can see it already on everybody's face, you know where I'm going here. Uh, if I do this math, so far I've spent 3,300 days with Avery on this planet. 11 times 300. Over the next 7 years, I'll spend another 300 days per year with her, so another 2,100. When she's 18, I'm 50. I think I'm going to live till 80. Maybe I'd make it 85, 90, 95, 100. I'm going to use 80 for my calculation. So when I'm 50, I've got 30 more years. My daughter's not allowed to move away from me. 30 times 30, if I don't cheat the system, is another 900. So really, I've got a total of 6,300 days I will expect— I will spend with her. And I've spent 3,300 days with her already, which basically means that I've spent 52 to 53% of my total time already with my freaking 11-year-old. My 10-year-old is 50, 48%. When I used to do this, this a few years ago, it'd be like, I've spent 42% with my 8-year-old. Or if you want to go down, like, you have a 4-year-old, it's shocking, but you've spent like 20% of the total time already. Like, if I go 1,200 out of 6,300, what is that? It's like, uh, 20% with a 4-year-old. One-fifth of the total time gets bored. You're out unless you keep the system. Yeah, man, that's, that's really heavy. And I'm not apologetic when I share it because we have a tendency to go through our lives not being very purposeful around these things that we deem most important, right? So I look at, um, how do I maximize the moments I have, right? Like, now mind you If you're at the office and you're working— again, I believe we're all going to be working super hard these coming months and years. I mean, I think that's happening, okay? And you're at your desk and you're working on something, and that's something that's super important, and you stay and work on it. I'm not saying don't do that, just to be clear. I'm— all I'm trying to say is think about what you're giving up in its place. I am the guy that has the picture of the kid next to the desk, and I would look at that picture and make the decision. If I— when they were younger, I'd say either I stay here and work on the short sale file or whatever it was I was working on, and I miss this kid, and the kid's going to be in bed by the time I get home, or I scrap what I do and I go home. I'm just looking to be more purposeful around it. Now, you know, where, where many of you have already gone mentally, you know, you're running the math, maybe in your own kids. Uh, I know where a lot of people go. You gotta go to your parents. And I'm not gonna go do that for you right now. First time I ever taught this, I started with parents. It was the worst presentation I ever gave in my life because you know exactly what the math's going to tell you. I'll tell you mine, right? My dad's 70. I told you how far Goobernicks are probably going, and I'm probably 93, 94% of the time there. My mom wants to come to the presentation tomorrow. I said, 'Ma, you can't come.' Like, I'm not having that. She doesn't know what I'm talking about. Like, 'No, no, you can't come to this one.' 93 or 94% of the way there. All right, I get it. Sucks, and I can do something about it right now. I can do something about it right now. Guess what? I hate baseball. I don't like the Diamondbacks. But guess who is? Guess who's a season ticket holder? Why? Why do I have season tickets? Because my freaking dad likes baseball, and I can get him out of the house to go watch a game. If it's not coach or high school football, he doesn't give a shit about anything. So it's like Sports. I mean, I get in the baseball games. I don't want to go sit at a baseball game on a Wednesday. I've got so many things going on in my life. I need to get to baseball. It's tough, but I can do 4 innings, and it's 4 innings I'm sitting next to them that I otherwise would not have. When my parents kind of, kind of retired a handful of years ago, my dad went to the golf course every day and loved it. And you know what my mom did? She sat on the couch. Because she was wired like many of your parents— work, work, work, work, work, work, 6 AM to 6 PM every day. And then you take that away and she's like, what the heck am I going to do? And so what did I do? I'm like, if I don't do something, she's number one, not gonna be in a great headspace. Number two, I'm not gonna see her. I hired my mom 10 years ago. Don't get me wrong, don't get me wrong, my mom is a killer, killer partner, employee, whatever I want. Whatever you want to call it. She's incredibly talented, but I didn't hire my mom for her talent. I hired my mom because I now see her every single day, right? And I'm the only 42-year-old probably on this planet whose mommy still manages his money. That's a whole different story. But I see her every single day. When I say cheat the system, that's the kind of stuff I'm talking about. Does that make sense? So it's awareness. What can you be doing? Now, if you don't have kids or your parents, you know, you've got a different relationship with them, fill in the blank. We all have things we care deeply about and we neglect them. So I think around, okay, now that we know all this stuff, what should we do? What's our action steps here? And this is the abbreviated version of a much lengthier, um, presentation. But what I really encourage everybody to do is truly start life planning. When I say life planning, I don't mean like, you know, uh, figuring out your financial and wealth plan. That is a component of it, but I'm talking about planning exactly how you want to, uh, be remembered by your kids. I'm talking about how you want your friends to speak of you, how you— with what legacy you want to live, uh, leave. Beliefs, what charities you want to impact, and be purposeful around designing where you want to go, and then be honest with yourself and figure out where you currently stand. I actually think one of the most impactful things you can do is write your own eulogy. And for some people, that's like, oh, that's so morbid. I think it's bullshit. If you get to write exactly how you want to be like write your own eulogy, and that's your objective, and then you can say, here's where I want to be, here's where I'm at today, and then you can connect the dots, you can design the specific commitments you need to make such that you're remembered in the way you just designed. I think it's one of the most powerful things you can ever do. Ever, ever, ever do. And when I say write your own eulogy, just to be super clear, what I'm thinking about, I want you thinking around who's sitting in the first 3 rows of your celebration of life or whatever it may be. To you? Who sits in those first 3 rows? Go ahead, yell it out. Who do you think sits there? It's not a trick question. Kids? What's that? Stepmom? Who else? Spouse? Friends? People closest to you. You know, one thing that hit me a little while ago, you know who else sits in the first 3 rows? Ideally, I mean, again, if I'm 80 or over that, people I don't even know yet. Specifically grandchildren and maybe even great-grandchildren. Those kids will be in my world at that time if all goes well, right? So when I say write your own eulogy, I mean you're actually having to forecast. You have to talk about things that don't even exist or not even— I have an 11 and 10-year-old that they like talking about grandchildren right now, scaring the hell out of me, right? But that's the truth. You've got to write about, you've got to think about using those first 3 rows. What kind of stories would they be telling? You don't have to ask, answer that. What kind of stories would they be telling one another? Remember, you're over here. They're watching over here. What stories are they telling? Are they laughing? Are they crying? Right? Are they sighing? Like, what are they doing? Right? What are those conversations being had? I'm telling you, when I say write your own eulogy, shape those. Design what you want them to be. I know I'm a little sick and twisted, and obviously I've been working on this, you know, working on this, in this world for a little while, but I do think about that, those two kids. You know, I think they're going to get up and speak about their dad. What are they going to say about their dad? Right? Like, if I could design exactly what I dream these kids saying about me, what would it be? And then how am I living today relative to that? You know, I want Avery to get up there and see my dad was always there for me. He was, he was someone I could talk to about anything and everything, right? Whenever I had confusion or concern or fear or excitement or happiness, joy, my dad was the first person I called. And I could go on and on and on. But imagine my kid, like, if I said, I want that. And now I've got to be honest with myself and say, what do I have today relative to that? And I think I'm chipping away, but there are things that I could be doing much better at such that I can influence that outcome. To me, that's being purposeful. And it's heavy and it's hard. And we talk about business and wealth, and these things are super important, but I think this stuff's even more important. These life experiences, these memory dividends. Now, writing your own eulogy, uh, is weird. And I write up here as an action step, I'm gonna tell you, get weird. That sounds weird. Get weird. But here's what I think. I think that by definition, weird is what? Doing things different than the status quo. If you're doing things different than the status quo, you are perceived as weird. And I say hell yeah, right? Like, you're all in here today spending time and learning and doing all the things that you're doing, and there's a million, a million other, you know, agents and teams out there not doing the same thing. You by definition are weird, right? So I'm asking you, what are you doing in your world that's weird? If someone were to look at your schedule or the way you behave or what you eat or how you train or how you manage or plan for your relationships and how you write your own eulogy, whatever it may be, would I say that's weird? And if the answer is maybe not, well, I'm going to challenge you and say you might need to get a little weird, right? What time you waking up? What are you reading? Who are you hanging out with? What kind of conversations are you having at your dinner table? We go on and on and on, but I would do an assessment and say, how weird am I? And if you don't feel that weird, I'm gonna tell you to ratchet it up. And the last thing I'm gonna say, uh, is take no days off. And what I mean by no days off is not work around the clock. I'm not saying obsess over this either. I just really believe that every single day, be it a minute, 10 minutes, an an hour or 2 hours that we can get better at something. We can improve the relationship with the kid. We can improve the relationship with a friend. We can bury some sort of pain or challenge that we refuse to get rid of. We can get a little smarter. We can get a little healthier every day, every single day. And to me, that would be no days off. Again, I'm not saying obsessed. But if you got up every morning and did 10 push-ups and you did that every day for a year, I promise you, you will be stronger. That takes you all of 20 or 30 seconds, or maybe some of us. Seriously though, you know, we used to, we used to, uh, you know, Kevin was just talking about it earlier, he was talking about Uh, we used to own this gym, this CrossFit gym, and all the— and everybody used to, um, we had so many people that would come in and work out, work out like so hard, and inevitably they'd say to my partner Derek, they'd say, I'm not making the progress I want to make. Like, I'm working out so hard and, you know, I love it here and I'm making progress, but I should be doing more. And you know what, what always— what it always came down to, they weren't eating right. And everybody was overwhelmed with like what the food needed to be. Derek's response was, "Just eat broccoli." That's what he'd say. And people would be like, "Eat broccoli? How kind of advice is that? You're supposed to be my coach." And he'd say, "No, I don't want you eating broccoli 24/7. All I want you to do is swap out one thing on your plate every night for broccoli." Because you know what that one thing is? It's the shitty portion of your dinner. It's the fries, it's the cheese, it's the whatever, you know, the carb that you didn't need. And he just said, eat broccoli, and let's eat broccoli for a while. And then over the course of time, we'll chip away at the next thing on your plate, and we'll add something, or we'll replace something, or we'll add water, whatever it may be. When I say no days off, that's kind of what I think about. Just figure out your 1-minute activity or your broccoli And we'll chip away at it. And same with these relationships. A lot of times people take this stuff and their time, like, okay, I'm gonna flip it all right now. Well, it's not gonna happen that everybody can leave here today and maximize their time— not their calendar time on their, on their, their work schedule, but maximize their time. Make sense? Okay, cool. So I'm gonna stop, I think. Yep, I'm gonna stop. Um, can I switch? No, I was actually calling you in. I would love for you to share that. This is intense, and this is weird as hell, and it's— I think it's pretty freaking cool. Yeah, well, yeah, let's do it right here. So, before I ask you guys to look back here, I'd seen this, uh, years ago, just kind of browsing. It never really hit me. It's called a Memento Mori calendar. Some people call it Weeks in Life. I actually got into this because of the book. I just thought I remembered I'd seen this. It's, it's like one of the slides Brian had up there. Each line or each dot is a week. Each row of dots is a year. Mine said for 90 years because, uh, that's just what I set it at. It also coincides with some of the financial models that are inside the book, "Dial Zero." So I picked the numbers, went with it. So I just bought a file on Etsy, had this printed out, and this literally hangs next to my bed. And every Monday I just fill in another circle. To Brian's point, I was talking about this— who am I talking to? I forget who we were talking to yesterday. We were talking to someone yesterday, or maybe I was, I don't know. The whole— even if I— it's not like I sit here and go, "We write my own eulogy," or anything like that every week. Worst case scenario though, it's a minute. Like, 'cause I gotta pick up the marker, walk over to the wall, and color it in. And I've gotta take that in for a second and go, "Shit, there goes another week." Like, "There goes another—" So it's the awareness factor that Brian mentioned. A couple times over the last 20 minutes or so. That for me has been super important. If anybody's like interested in this, I've got a file I'm happy to email it to you. You can have it printed any size. My vision is going, uh, not so great, so I got a big one. Size matters here. So, uh, but it's, yeah, it's not heavy. I think about— I mean, it is heavy. But in a lot of ways it's sobering, but it's also like equally inspiring. Where have you seen the impact of your life? This kind of having a filter, this kind of viewpoint, having this viewpoint consistently, where have you seen that? Dude, it's not in like all the things that you think. For me, it's been like, for sure, stuff with my kids. Uh, my dog, my dogs, my mom, stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, it's like I only have someone, so many more days I get to talk to Jerry. So it's a reminder every Monday morning, like, God, I gotta call Jerry again. Um, but yeah, so I mean, Brian works with his mom. I'm like, my mom literally lives with me. Um, and it's fucking annoying most days. And then I look at this and it's not, it's not so annoying. That's, that's, that's That's good. Yeah, I think it's straight decision-making every day. Like there's, I mean, as we all know, like every decision you're making, you're sacrificing something else when you make that decision. So I got a question for you. Can I ask it? Go ahead, fire away. Yeah, yeah, fire away. So like when you were sitting at your desk, you got your picture, and as you were kind of going through this process and you're working, you look at the picture and you're making this decision. Uh, did you ever decide to stay, or 100% of the time did you stay? Oh no, no, I decided to stay a lot of the times. Oh yeah, yeah, but it was just a conscious decision you were making? Yeah, I mean, I didn't want to— I refused to be the guy, um, that years down the road has accomplished a lot but is miserable because I let go of everything. Like, I just was unaware of everybody else growing around me. Kids grown and all that. Like, I saw this, I saw this guy get interviewed once and he accomplished every financial goal, every business goal he'd ever set. And the interviewer had asked him, how do you feel about that? And he said, I feel like shit. He said, why? He goes, because as I worked my ass off for the past 9 years, those 9 years, it wasn't so much kids with him, it was like 9 years my relationship deteriorated, you know, I have no friends. I've had very bad experiences and I'm not going to get those 9 years back. But while I hit all these goals, I'm asking myself for what? So I'm not saying I'm like, that scared me a little bit because I think I, I could get that focus in that way, just drive. Um, but no, plenty of time. I just, all I do, I bring it up because I just want us to be aware of it, you know what I mean? Do you feel like you've shown up differently because of it? I absolutely I show up differently because I have gotten a lot more clarity around what matters and what's priority. And here's the thing with this, by the way. Here's one of the things that I think makes this— if you said, is there a downside? Which might sound funny, but yeah, I'll tell you, like, when you go through this exercise, you're going to— So you— there are what I believe to be life accounts, okay? We all have life accounts, and examples of life accounts would be health, um, relationships, but specifically like individuals. So like, wife, me, kid, one kid, two parents, uh, health. Business, friends, social, um, maybe siblings, spiritual— sorry, I can't spell that— travel, you know, like experiences. These are examples of accounts, okay? Like life accounts: health, different relationships, parents, wealth, business, money. Friends, like social circle, siblings, spirituality for many, travel experiences, and so on and so forth. I mean, you've got other components of your world that are important to you. Some of these accounts of yours probably have really positive balances, right? Like if you think about like dollar, like a checking account, some of these accounts have really high balances. Some of these accounts likely have relatively low balances. Some of these accounts, for, for some of us, they're actually overdrawn. They're negative. So I share this because when you start thinking in this way, you have got to put these accounts in order of what matters most to what matters least most, because they all are very— they all matter a lot. Does that make sense? And as you start to prioritize, I'll tell you, for me, I'm a firm believer— actually, I think we should all think this way, which is not normally something I'd say— health should be everybody's number one, because you can't honor any of the other accounts if you're not feeling great, alive, and doing it. Okay, so health should be your number one. It's not to pick on anybody, um, but I do think health has to be number one. Uh, my wife is number 2. My kids are 3A and 3B, and they rotate between A and B depending on who I like more that day. Hey, I know none of us like to admit it, but we like one kid a little bit more than the other one at any given moment. Um, 3A and 3B, though, we'll say. And, um, my experiences are 4. My wealth is 5. My parents are 6. And then it just goes somewhere else from there. Now, mind you, what I just said— I'm getting a very long-winded answer— I haven't mentioned my brother and my sister, who I love a lot. I haven't mentioned anything about my social. I forgot personal and growth is on here. My personal growth on YouTube for me. Um, I haven't mentioned friends, siblings, I haven't mentioned spirituality. Like, you suddenly realize like those things are super important, they're just not as important as the first 6. So when you start living this way, you're looking at time and you're saying, okay, I have time that's limited, it's finite, I need to allocate it to what's highest priority. You're then saying no to these other things. Things like my brother, who I golf with. My brother yesterday, which is the first time we hung out like 3, 4 weeks, and I'm really close with my brother. We talk, right? But she's not moving up here. Now what's interesting is as you get older, what you find is friends and family relationships move up higher and money and all those things move down. Where I'm at in my life right now, I'm I've got a family, I've got activities with the kids, like, so that's the trade-off. But you got to be okay with that, and that's easier said than done. Now mind you, if you start spending time on these things, you rank lower. Okay, I'm all right with that. I'm not giving you a hard time. Just be aware of the fact that they're not really ranked lower than what you're really— what your actions are saying is that they're actually further up here. Matter. Like, don't tell me your friends are down here but you're spending all your time up here, right? Just recognize what's priority and what, what are you neglecting, maybe by design, as a result. That sort of— yeah, this— it's really tricky. I don't know if I have the exact answer on this. A mentor of mine, uh, and Kevin and Fred's, once He said, uh, I think about this all the time, uh, he had said, on this journey, on this journey that you're on, whatever journey, you know, you're embarking on to build something bigger and better than it was yesterday, which if you're in this realm, you're on that same journey, uh, you are going to outgrow certain things and certain relationships, and it's gonna have to be okay. You're just gonna have to be okay. You're gonna have to get over it one way or the other. And when he had said that to me, I immediately thought about, um, I had a really good friend of mine named Damian. And Damian and I grew up together, we played football together, uh, in my 20s. He slept on my couch all the time. Even when I got married, he was still hanging out on my couch. And one day I decided to get serious about life and business. Um, it's really when I found out my wife was pregnant their first kid. I went a little late, like I went late 20s, like I did not get serious until I was like 29. Um, and I remember thinking like, ah, Damien can't be on the couch anymore. Like, I've outgrown this relationship and it sucks and I love him, but it's gonna have to be okay if I'm really this committed and serious about these other priorities. So it's not a great answer. I think that It's— I don't think there's a system or a model for it. I think it's an awareness thing. You have to figure out a way to get comfortable with it because if you're not uncomfortable with it, like, if you're not like— I'm sorry, if you're not comfortable with it, then that uncomfort's going to draw right back into your world. You're not going to progress. Now, I do believe, and again, you know, being around this room, I really have experienced— and how many of you have the same exact experience? You are the average of the people you spend the most time with. You are the average of those 5. I'm a big believer in that Big 5. I used to think it was corny and cliché, and now I've lived it, and, um, I can tell you I think it's very true. You are the average. How you behave, you're the average. Your income level is oftentimes the average. And when I go back to when I was 28 or 29, I realized I was the top of my 5. And so one action step for you might be getting around— and I obviously don't know much, much background— but maybe it's getting around certain people that are living a certain way that you believe maybe you should— you want to strive to live too. And I do that even still right now, right? Like, it's funny, with your vibe— and again, many of us have experienced this— um, your vibes aren't local. Suddenly you have to get on a plane to go hang with these vibes. That's the way— that's the way it works if you're growing. And that was kind of, again, a long-winded answer to your question. I think it's got to just— you just got to do it. You just got to get comfortable with it, but also make sure you're creating an environment that's supportive of you getting comfortable with it. I'm trying to remember back to the trigger for me. Um, I honestly, I think for me, I'm gonna say this the answer. I think I just started getting around a lot more people that were living this life, more explaining to me, Brian, you can't let your work define who you are. You're, you're blind right now. Like, you're being stubborn. Like, take advice from me, someone who's been doing this for X decades, or whatever it's been, you know. And then you read the Five Breaths of the Tiger. I think I just— that stuff started just showing up so much in my life. To where I was like, okay, I don't know everything. Like, I've gotta— I've got— there's more to it than this. I think I was really— I mean, I think it was a driver for me just being around people I aspire to be like. Or— and when I say being around, I don't mean just physically present, you know. I think I started ratcheting up the amount of reading I was doing, what I was listening to, the rooms I was being purposeful and getting into, you know, that sort of thing. So I don't know if that's like the perfect answer for you. I think it's, it's a conscious decision that you make when you decide that you want to achieve, you know, you start defining your achievement a little differently. That makes sense, right? Like for me, my achievement at that stage was very much, what's the net income of this business I own? And I think when I started studying others that had come before me, I realized that's flawed thinking. That I had to go on my own journey. When I started writing the eulogy and stuff like that though, like those are very— I do that, like I do this life planning process every single year. When I say life planning, just, you know, like writing your eulogy is like step one, and then assessing every one of these accounts is the bulk of the life planning. Where do I envision my health being in X, say 5 years? Where am I at presently today? What are the commitments I'm willing to make to get there. And you go through all of your accounts of doing that. And I think when I went through that exercise, I'm like, okay, none of these things here say work an extra day. Like, am I lying to myself? Like, what do I do? Like, that was like a kind of an internal search for me. Like, am I lying to myself? Or— so I just had to kind of go on this discovery. But I would also like I had to learn to be patient too. I was super anxious to find the answer, and I just had to let some time play out. Time's an amazing variable, in my opinion. I was just gonna say something that's helped me is— sorry, I'm like, I'm getting nervous. Of course. Is that almost like an investment. If I spend a day and I miss out on a couple of things, like, nobody wants to miss out on anything. But if I miss out on one day, can I add 5 days? You know, if I miss, if I miss, I don't know, something, you know, 2 days, you know, can I add another vacation? Can I be purposeful enough in that time that I am committed away? And so something that Ben Kitty showed me a long time ago that I've always remembered, and it was like He says, you got to imagine if your wife and kids are following you around and how you acted that day, would you be embarrassed or would you be proud of the way that you were? And so you look at that. If you could operate and be proud every day, you'll have more time. If you can be purposeful with your time, you will have— it's an investment. You'll have more time. 5x at least. That's really good. That's so bad. I know, it's one of the probably more profound things that he said that I don't know why he doesn't say more often. I'm just kidding. Yeah, that is definitely something he would say. He does live that way. I think in terms of like, you know, again, I'm not— many of you have seen this before, like it is It is a kind of— I don't care how you feel about Gary Keller or Tony Robbins, The Monk thinks is a pretty badass book. And I mean, Jay Papasan is an amazing author, and I think that they both did a great job. But when he talks about the counterbalance, that always resonated with me, where if this is a balanced life, this is a shitty way to go about doing things. And the idea was, if this is life, and this is my interpretation of what being what they taught. This is business. Success happens when you get out to the extremes. The danger is running in the red for too long. So the counterbalance concept was not to live this balanced life like this. It's to get out to the extremes, experience success, just don't stay in the red for too long, right? So, so if I was going to work, um, you know, 12 hours a day for 7 days straight I can do that, but it would be to the neglect— like, neglecting my family. Could I go 8 days? Could I go 9 days? Like, I would ask you guys, if you vacation for a week, is your business okay? Probably. If you vacation for 2 weeks, would your business be okay? Some of you would start falling off about right now. If you went 3 weeks, would it be okay? More of us would fall off. If you went away for a month, how would your business be? It would probably be in trouble. If we're on our operators, what that means is one week was sustainable, two weeks of pressing it, three weeks of really pushing it, four weeks running in the red, broken. Same thing in your— that's in your life, in your work, same thing. How long can I go working off, working super hard before my relationships and other aspects of my world start getting deteriorate. So I think it's okay to run out there, you just can't stay out there. Maybe that's a bit more of the answer. Like, it's okay to go super hard, but maybe you want to swing it back this way. Like, so for me, I'd go 3, 4 days hard, but then we take off on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and come ball family time, turn off the phone. So, Brian, if I could add one thing, like, your concept of cheat the system has me looking at it through the lens of I can ask Do I want to cheat the system for $301+ or do I want to cheat the system for $299-? Like, it's that same concept of cheat the system. It's like, which side of the extreme do I want to cheat the system to? And so, like, when you ask the question, do you feel bad at $299? My challenge to you, if you're open to receiving a challenge, would be you're asking the question, can I actually survive with less than $300 and still Instead of asking the question, how can I get the same output in my business by doing 301 Plus? It's too big. They sound really similar, but they're approaching it from two different perspectives. Yeah, it's the cheat the system this way or cheat the system that way. We're cheating the system no matter what. That's what I'm getting when you, when you say that. That's really good. I mean, again, it's squeezing as much out of, which is why I like, which is That's why Tim Ferriss does a really great job in Tools of Titans where he describes— he said Tools of Titans or Tribe of Mentors, maybe it's Tribe of Mentors when he asks all of the individuals he's interviewing, "Teach me how you say no." There is an art to saying no. There's an art to it. The older you get, the less you care about that art. I mean, I really don't care about offending people anymore, but I used to. To. Um, but again, there is an art to it, there's a strategy to it, and I think we all, all of us have to say no more often because we're saying yes to a lot of things that we know jeopardize our days. So I would say, like, I've never been great at grinding it out for work, but grinding it out, like, on a personal level, like, just life and fun has always been kind of my forte. And so I think I really shine in this area, but I think, um, yeah, but I would say that, you know, when you look at it, I remember the first time that when my girls were very little, and I vividly remember because it was like $8,700, like when I said, would I not be at this event, that really in the whole scheme of life wasn't that big of a deal, but it was It was such a conscious decision to be there. They were 4 and 5, 6, something like that. And it cost me exactly $8,700-something. And I'll consciously go back to that moment and think about what I saw in this celebration of the life, all the kids going around the circle doing all the little things. And they still talk about it. So just being able to remember that, but also one of the things that I like to do I do is I do it with our team is go backwards on like, so instead of count the days that we take off, so we count vacation days and we add everybody's up and that's the number at the end of the year. We celebrate not how many open houses we did, we do talk about the number of homes we sold, but how many days off a year. Because I mean, I've always been like an exact counter, like can I count weekends, like days where I should have been working but I could have you know, been doing, you know, work. But instead I chose my kids, my family, hanging out with my friends, going, you know, to a star party with my dad, like all the different things because you just, you never get that back. And to me measuring those days, because that's really in my mind, that's what a life worth living is about. That's why I became an entrepreneur. That's what I mean. The business doesn't even really matter. I mean, The people matter to me. The business doesn't matter that much to me. And I've always been— I mean, I think keeping that such a clear focus on it means nothing if you don't have it for those other people, if you don't have it for the life that you want. Did you always feel that way? Always. Really? Yeah. I mean, to me, I would rather— I've always said I was like, if this gets too complicated, I will walk away. It's just not— it's just not— I love it, but it's not just about you. Yeah, I mean, like, and I do actually go to the movies and I just curl up, don't pick anything out. Real quick, I hope you don't mind me asking a personal question. Like, uh, growing up, did your parents live that way too? Um, like, just like kind of whatever. Well, I don't know if you're— I don't know if you're kind of whatever. I mean, you're not really— you're high achiever, right? So like— No, I meant like prioritizing life experience over work experience? I wouldn't necessarily say— I mean, I'm the oldest of 5 kids, so we had no money, but, you know, we just had no money. So no, it was like, is everybody alive? You know, are all the kids here? Like, that's— I mean, like, really, we have a lot of kids. That's kind of how you live. But we had great experiences, and we— my dad is a big celebrator, um, and like, even if it was like weird stuff. Like, he just won a Corvette contest in town, which is really not even that exciting, but the trophy was this big, and he bought a bigger trophy and mounted it on his Corvette. And that is— I mean, for real, he actually did that. And that's hilarious. Yeah, I mean, he's funny. So he's— but he was a— he's definitely a celebrator. I ask because— thanks for sharing that. I'm just curious, right? Like, I I think that, um, for me, I had a great childhood, but my parents did work around the clock, and I had to almost like rewire myself. Um, not almost, I had to rewire myself. And I'm wondering like, what's my behavior now? What I'm trying to teach my kids, how will that impact them? That's why I was kind of asking you like, was the environment conducive to that thinking that you have today? Or you know, I've asked you your kids? I don't know. I mean, I would say my dad, I mean, he did work a lot because my mom didn't work for a long time. Um, but I think it was just always kind of been inside of me. And it does— I mean, being an entrepreneur takes a lot, and it's a love, it's a passion. But I mean, the reason why we do this, I think, is to have the life that we want. And so that was always, you know, really clear. I always get, you know, if I can figure out a way to make a million dollars sit at home and watch Netflix, I would do that, but I can't figure that out. Yeah, I mean, if I could figure out how to do that, I would do that, but I haven't, so this is the next best thing. But we all work for money, money to have the life that we want. And so it was always about having the life that I wanted. I'm a— I just, I don't know, I pursue joy and fun pretty hard. Um, and that's, I mean, I just— that's a problem. Have you read the book yet? I have not. I'm looking forward to hearing what you have to say about it because I think there's a lot of that in there. Any, uh, any other thoughts or ahas? Couple? So my girls are older now. They are 19 and gonna be 22. So I went through the younger stage of it and I would wear pretty much 365 days a year. 5 days a week, no problem. But my husband was definitely not okay with that. So I think we did check-ins. So one of my mentors when I was younger said, you have got to check in because in your brain everything is fine because you're hitting all of your boxes, but you could be sitting in no boxes for the rest of your family. So that was a big thing. So he said, pick something every week that you're gonna do with your family, like one-on-one, right? So each of your girls with your husband, and you can't miss it. It doesn't matter if it's the biggest deal in your life, because exactly like if this side of your life falls apart, it's not going to cause all this. So we did that and we did check-ins, um, but mainly it was— I mean, you definitely sell the chicken, right? I mean, if I just do this, then we You can buy your lake house here, and then, you know, so it's always the dangling of it. But it was also neat because sometimes when you did that, you realized really fast that you weren't quite doing what you wanted. So then when they start to get on board with that, it's like really pretty big. stage of that journey, different experience in that journey. Be curious to see like 5 years from now what's coming out of your mouth at the time. I, I thought I was the young guy. So just tag off what she said, but my wife and I, uh, we've been married 22 years— 21 years, sorry, 22 years. To somewhere early on with some family problems with her parents and my parents and ourselves. We decided to read a book called Boundaries by Dr. Cloud, and what came out of that was that— and I was busy doing work all the time, and there was an imbalance in our life. And instead of me telling my wife what was balanced for me, I had to actually get to the point where I asked her, what is the ideal work-life for me looking for you? And so we started to practice that. And it got to a point where she realized the boundary she set wasn't actually healthy for her. And it got to a point where I was home too much, and she's like, I'm going back to work. And it freed me up. So that's part of that journey. You do a little bit of shit hits and dancing, but that's a great journey to be on. Somebody has to go. I have 4 kids now, so talk about time demand, you know. Yeah, no, I mean, um, Ben, Kitty, and Chris Suarez, uh, and their team are throwing this event downtown Thursday and Friday, um, at the Sheraton, and it is just pretty much 20 to 30 minute segments back to back to back to back to back. It's called Build How, and every segment starts with how to blank blank blank blank, how to maximize your time, or how to build a massive real estate portfolio, or how to overcome a challenging market. And so they're interviewing a number of individuals around these very specific topics, real estate people as well as business people, and some really special individuals including, um, Brendon Burchard. Who I think is— I think he's one of the biggest, you know, badasses in the game. I don't understand why he's not as well known as he should be, but he is amazing. Michael Phelps, like the Michael Phelps, the guy with the few gold medals. Those two. Max Kuhn, who is like literally a real-life Forrest Gump. Um, from catching shrapnel jumping out of a helicopter in Vietnam to being a 9th degree black belt, um, taekwondo. Um, and you guys got stories from already, so we're coming off a lot. I know I'll be there, and they've just got a handful of other, other amazing, amazing presenters. It should be a pretty— there's, I think there's 1,100 people that'll be in attendance, all real estate professionals from all around the nation. So I don't know, I mean, you guys probably connect on that, but would you add anything to that? Kevin's presenting. I forgot, it's Brendan Burchard followed by Kevin Kaufman followed by Michael Phillips. Now, if anybody's not already planning to attend and you'd like to, just hit me up later on and I'll help you get squared away on that. Yeah. Cool. Bye for today, guys. Thank you. Did you enjoy today's podcast? Join the Kevin and Fred Community, part of eXp Realty, and partner with us today. 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