The Journey to Self Discovery with Lisa Whelchel

Here we are. We're back for a special H2H show inside of the Human Hub, the H2H Hub. And I'm going to give it a few minutes to let everyone come on and get notified by the video that everybody signed up for. We had an amazing sign-up and a lot of people that That said that they would have to watch the the recording as well, which will be up for the next week. So if you're watching this back, I'll tell you right away it'll be up for. I think we're gonna leave it up for five days, so you get to see it there, and then we'll put it over on YouTube or somewhere that we're all okay with. It depends on how I am with how I look, so that just depends on that. I'm kidding. It looks like some people are coming on. Feel free to say hello in the comments. We got some woot woots. And back to work in 15. Nice. People like you. So they're commenting already on how much they love you, Lisa. And so without further ado, I'm going to introduce Lisa. And just first off, I'll let you know that Lisa and I met at a really cool leadership retreat conference experience. It was put on by CTI, Coaches Training Institute. And it was a 10-month program that really did a lot for my life. And out of that, I got to meet my new sister, Lisa Welchel. So Lisa's extraordinary, as you'll get to know her here in the interview. And interview— I say interview, I say interview slash conversation. We're really going to talk about some really fun stuff that we have in store for you. Lisa, as you know, played Blair Warner on Facts of Life, and she also has been on the Survivor show. That had to be incredible. And she's done also some really adventurous things in her life, some things that I think most people would love to even hear about, maybe one or two at one point. We'll get to that, that really changed the tune of where she's going, what we're going to talk about, which is leadership and coaching. So while she does have a new show coming out and we'll get to that as well, it's really that leadership coaching and transformational piece that kind of interests me. And I think it interests most people here that are watching. So we're going to spend most of our time on that. So with that said, Lisa, welcome. Thank you so much for joining.

I've been looking forward to it.

Me too. Me too. So I'm curious if you can just all, you know, just kind of get things rolling and, and, um, and just get the conversation rolling just real quick. I'll say hello to Jenny Q is here, um, and, and I actually don't see your name, so, uh, uh, Tasmin Parsons, hello. Um, yeah, shout out your names if you can, if, if you have them, and if you have them, you should have them, and, um, I hope you have them, and we'll, um, we'll We'll give you a shout out here and there. So, Lisa, let's just roll into this. You were thrust into the spotlight. I use thrust loosely into the spotlight at such a young age. Let's talk about the hard leadership lessons that you learned that shaped who you are today.

Hard leadership lessons. Well, I just to fill in the story. So I was raised in Dallas-Fort Worth, Texas, and then I started acting when I was 8, and I started acting because I was very, very, very shy. And my, um, second grade teacher had a parent-teacher conference and said, you need to help your daughter kind of come out of her shell a bit. She— because I would usually just take a book and sit under a tree and read at recess and just paralyzingly shy. So my mom went into mom mode and signed me up for a bunch of classes, and one of them was a drama class. And I really, I fell in love for a lot of reasons, but I, and I certainly couldn't have articulated this then, but I think part of it was, was because I was so afraid of myself. I was afraid of saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing. I was afraid of emotions. I was just really afraid of myself. And so I just kept very small, but as long as I was playing a role, I had an opportunity to experience a variety of emotions in a safe way. I could say things that I would never say and be afraid to say because they were written on the page. My very first acting role, I played a brat and got to stick out my tongue at the, you know, at the teacher, and I thought, this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. And, um, so at that point, I decided I really did want to be an actress. And I remember watching a Walt Disney, The Wonderful World of Disney, on a Sunday night, and I said to my mom, there was a little girl actress. I said, that's what I want to be. I don't want to wait till I grow up. I want to do that now. And a couple of years later, they did a nationwide talent search for the Mickey— for the Mickey Mouse Club. They were revising the new Mickey Mouse Club, and I auditioned and got that role. So I moved to California when I was 12, and my family stayed in Texas. So I think that was the first really big hardship, was that, um, I was on— I've been on my own, you know. by and large, um, since I was 12. I— my mom would come when she could, my grandmother would join the rotation. I had, you know, different guardians, uh, but pursuing my desire, you know, there was a pretty high, high cost, not only for me but for my whole family. And so I, I would think the number one hardship was, was really was loneliness. And, uh, to some degree, um, you know what, I don't even— I wouldn't even say the loss of a childhood because I got to enjoy a lot. I got to enjoy what I what I love doing. But it was kind of an aborted childhood, put it that way.

How has that interrupted or displaced any, any of your own feelings toward maybe what— how you've carried that through to leadership and being an adult and, you know, not How have you conquered that?

You know, I would say that more than, more than how has it kind of helped me in leadership or informed my leadership, it might be the opposite. It may be that it's caused— that's my stretching point because I've been so independent and autonomous and on my own. And I didn't have a lot of leaning on. I had to lean on myself. And so that has been how I've lived my life. And I I think my stretching point as a leader is to learn to be a little bit more dependent, to ask for help, to be a, uh, to not just think I, you know, I have all the answers. And, um, and to find a little bit more of a team mentality. But that's the stretch for me because from such an early age, just survival and then thriving has been based on being Uh, very self-reliant.

You know, that's interesting that you were feeling that, and you probably now have empathy for that, um, knowing what that feels like. Anytime we go through something, we, we now embody it, or, you know, even if we get through it ourselves, we still carry it with us to understand it and see it in others. Do you see it in others, and do you know— what do you— what do you say to them? When they are going through that?

Um, when they're going through— but be a little bit more specific. Going through what?

Yeah, yeah, when they're going through, um, uh, any kind of loneliness or shyness,

you know,

uh, feeling like they can't ask for help, um, creating that same sense that you went through. Um, yeah.

Yeah. Um, I think the first thing is I just think loneliness is maybe one of the most painful emotions that we experience. And I think it's much more prevalent than we realize. I think people would not, you know, for instance, I don't know that people would presume that I would ever struggle with loneliness. And, and yet, yeah, there's some intense— and I think people in leadership, maybe it's a different kind of loneliness. You know, you may have a lot of people around you, you may have a lot of really good work that you're doing, a lot of fulfilling things. But none of those fill that spot, that ache of loneliness. And I think that's a lot. It shows up in leaders in ways that it, in a unique way, as far as sometimes, you know, sometimes I'll take this personally on my own and don't want to just project it on all leaders. But I do think that there is this, for me, there's been a hyperprotection. as a leader. And so the very thing that I protect my heart is the very thing that keeps me separate from other people. And so it just exacerbates the loneliness. Mm-hmm. And, and the same is as a leader, I think that we can be— we have a lot— we have to have a lot of confidence to accomplish big things. But I think it also backfire and make us feel superior, you know. And so therefore, there's a connection, a disconnection Disconnect from that. Of course, it's a it's a it's a superiority that's covering up an insecurity that we don't don't want to feel, but it also keeps us separate and and lonely if we only relate to people on a you know on a certain level. And I think that's one of the things I learned through our leadership was being immersed in a relationship with twenty people from all walks of life. It's like. You know, you can choose your friends, you can't choose your family. Well, you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your tribe. And some of the lessons I've learned is just recognizing the people in the first retreat that I might have thought, oh, they're sweet, but I don't have anything to learn from them. By the end of it, they were the people I had to learn the most to learn from. And that's just recognizing my own cover-up of insecurity. Yeah. 3, which is, you know, an achiever. Um, but it's also—

So am I.

Yes, but it's also because, um, very, very early on began to equate my self-worth with my success and what I, what I do. And, um, so that really— I'm now learning how to just drop a little of that and relate more on a being level. And on a being level You know, we are all one. And, um, but it's, it's a little bit scary because it takes vulnerability for me.

And how do you, uh, saying the word drop is not, um, that's not easy. Uh, drop, like just to drop something, um, as easy as it sounds to drop something, to drop an emotion or a feeling is not as easy as dropping a glass or a coffee mug. How, how do you drop something? How do you drop that emotion? How do you, how do you use— how do you just move that over and say, you know what, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna let that in, I'm not gonna do that?

Great, great question, because I don't think it's an active— an action verb, actually. Um, I think it is much more subtle. I think it's, if anything, and, and it's going to be, you know, more complicated than this, but I think it's a combination of intention and then grace. Um, because if it were something I could do, I would have done it already because I'm a doer. But my struggle is with the whole realm of being and not doing and trusting and surrendering and allowing and yielding and all those. Those seem like more passive, but they're much harder for me to do than not doing. Yeah. And so, um, I think something like that, to have the intention, the awareness, oh, I recognize I've got this wall up. It keeps me separate from people. It keeps me safe, but it also keeps me disconnected. Yeah. But I don't know how to not do that because for one thing, it's so old. And another thing, there's a lot of fear behind dropping that kind of thing. So awareness and then intention. I want to be closer to people. I want to feel more connected. I want to be more vulnerable. And then after that, it's just grace. Like, it's just like, wow, for so long I've wanted something, I haven't been able to make it happen. All of a sudden it happens. That's just the only word I can describe it is grace.

Oh man, that might— I just got goosebumps when you said that. Um, yeah, that's— it's such a, it's such a fascinating point. Um, and I think I think there's a lot there to unpack. And we have so much, so many different things in our lives that, that doesn't allow us to see our blind spots. And I think that's what we're talking about here is the blind spots of what we don't see ourselves, which is something else that we, I think, picked up on during that time in the leadership. And obviously, I wasn't one of those people. And R1, Retreat 1.

No, I wanted to be your friend right off the bat.

Oh, good. I just want to make sure that we're clear on that for everyone's sake. Just kidding. So talk to me a little bit about vulnerability. Vulnerability is not easy for anyone. I mean, it is just one of those things that has recently become a little more popular with Brené Brown. But easier said than done to read it in a book and then to go do it. That's, that's another thing. And, and by being vulnerable, you get what? What, what are your thoughts?

Well, um, you know what, I'm gonna take it— I think we oftentimes think of vulnerability as in terms of interpersonal relationships and, you know, being real, um, sharing our insecurities or our feelings, not putting on our persona, what's typically gotten us through life. But what I'm, I'm learning a different— where vulnerability shows up in a different way for me, and, um, that is in the present moment. And that it's scary, it's terrifying to live in the present moment for me, and because it's a lot of vulnerability. And what I'm, what I'm learning about myself is I want to be in my head about at least a Few seconds ahead of this moment so that I can go through all my filters. Like, is this safe to say? Is this going to come out? If I do this, what are the ramifications going to be? What does that person want from me and how can I give that to them? What is the right, you know, how can I— all of these things to keep safe. But in order to do that, I've got to be just about half a second ahead of this moment. Because I don't trust just what is. Because if I drop, if I, if I don't go from, you know, here to here and then out, if I were to go straight from here or from my body out, um, you know, that just feels terrifying to me because, because basically I think I'm afraid I can't trust myself and I can't trust the world or I can't trust the other person. So I need to have something in place To keep me safe. And so vulnerability for me is just, just being in the moment, allowing what is, knowing I can handle whatever comes up. If somebody says something, whereas in the past I think I wouldn't have thought about it, but it would feel like rejection would kill me, making a mistake would mean it would the equation is, if I make a mistake, I will now not be loved. Yeah. If I say the wrong thing, I might hurt somebody and then they leave. All these, it's like catastrophic kind of messages in my mind which aren't true, but if certainly I'm not thinking about it, they feel true and I'm responding from that, which is not vulnerable. It's very protected. I think the thing that I think keeps us most from vulnerability is being in our mind, in our, in our thoughts, uh, going through our head. That's the layer for me, at least. The layer, uh, that I need to drop is to get out of here and just be here and trust myself. Right. And, um, and trust that even if something painful or negative does happen, uh, that's, that's life. I can handle it. It— life is not about keeping Pain away. Life is not about not ever making mistakes. It's about living life, but on autopilot, it's about making sure that everything is in control and protected for me.

Oh, this is amazing. What a wonderful conversation and great points. I am going to pop this up because I really thought it was relevant to what we're talking about. This is from Jenny Q. Um, she's a live video expert and also one of the admins for this group. Um, also, before I read this, um, our friend Jennifer, uh, Beth Wolver is here, and, um, and Courtney's here as well. So we've got some tribe members on. Um, uh, okay, so, uh, Jenny Q says, the thing that continually surprises me is how much our early years and survival skills keep us from receiving what we most need and desire. We'd love to hear if Lisa has specific steps to overcome this. What do you think about that?

Yeah, wow, absolutely true. I completely agree. And here's— and I want to add something to that. What's really— what I'm finding interesting is that not only were those skills that I learned— not only do they help us survive and keep us safe, but many times they also often also make us— it's what makes us successful. So that's really difficult to drop the survival skills in order to experience a more authentic, vulnerable, human-to-human connection, sometimes it costs us success.

Mm-hmm.

I remember when I was first, about 10 years ago, was when I was really first realizing, oh, I don't really have any friends. I mean, I've got people that, I had a lot of friends, but nobody that I felt really safe and connected with. And part of it was because I was just so busy doing, doing. And even as a mom, a full-time mom, I was gonna be the best, You know, I applied my 3-ness even to being a mom, and, and I was writing books and speaking, and I didn't have— I hadn't made relationships a priority. So when I realized, oh, I don't want to live the rest of my life just being a human doing, I want to have relationships, but I was very aware that to do that, I was going to have to feel more. Um, and one of the reasons that I was able to be successful is if I— if you cut off your feelings, they don't slow you down. You know, you just— I can see a goal, how to get there, engage my will, and make it happen. Yeah. When I'm disconnected from my heart and from my body, it's not going to slow me down. But that doesn't work for relationships. You know, we can't mind the mind connections are stimulating, um, but they're not particularly connecting. Uh, they can— there's a both/and. Um, and so I realized to allow more emotions and to be more in my body, it would be like drag on a— on an airplane. Um, and I might not be as successful. And that was true because also, also it takes time to invest in relationships, and all my time was in Was invested in my career, so I so anyway the survival skills keep us safe, but they also make us successful, which means that the ante is way up when we decide that we want to be more than what we do. We have to actually put our money where our mouth is because a lot of times that means we're not going to we're going to drop the things that we've used to make make us successful in one area in order to grow the the skills and the tools that are needed to be. successful in a relationship area. But you got to really want it and realize there's not going to be necessarily a monetary value on relationships or a way to measure success in relationships.

Yeah. So

you got to really want it. And so all that to say, to answer the question, do I have any particular steps? I think number one, number one and two, they go hand in hand. You can't have a relationship with anybody else that's authentic unless you have a relationship with yourself that's authentic. Hmm. So find— and a lot of times we're, as leaders, we're busy, busy, busy, busy. There's no time to just be with our feelings, our thoughts, ourselves, our anxieties. So have downtime, stillness. Silence, nature, hiking, meditation, whatever. But, and schedule it if you have to. Mm-hmm. But that's the only way we're going to be— if we're connected to ourself, we've got to spend time with ourself. And then secondly, find a safe person, at least one safe person. Because, you know, if we've used all these muscles in one area and they're really strong, like for me, I start— I wrote a book called Friendship for Grown-ups because I didn't start learning about friendships until I was in my 40s. Well, that's very awkward, humiliating, embarrassing, messy. Think about, you know, in junior high and high school is when we typically learn this. I was working and on a set. I wasn't in junior high and high school. I didn't learn how to be a friend or have friends. So when I wanted to learn it in my 40s, I mean, just superimpose how you were in junior high over midlife and it's just not pretty. So you're gonna make mistakes. You're, you're gonna go back and, and, and, you know, arrested development. You're gonna go back and start from that place, but you're a grown-up, but you're acting like wherever you stopped. And that's— you need one safe person to kind of hold you while you find your, your legs, like a, like a parent would hold the hands while they learn to walk. And but it's going to be in more an emotional level, somebody who has the capacity to hold space for you as your, your emotions are all over the place, or you're overreacting in a way that doesn't really warrant it because it's so old. And so those are the 2 things I would just say. Connect with yourself, spend time with yourself, and find at least one safe person who has the capacity to hold you until you get your sea legs.

Oh man, that is so beautiful. There's a person on here who rhymes with Bortney, that is my one person. So, so I, I, I'm curious, you, you went through an incredible journey, and I'm not talking about your acting, I'm actually talking about your journey to what you're speaking now, and, and the learnings that you took over just You know, maybe like the last 5, 10 years as you went through, as I've come to know the journeys that you've taken, like your 500-mile hike, I believe.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, the Camino de Santiago, 500 miles pilgrimage across the north of Spain was one. Yes.

Yeah, like that kind of stuff that you've done. Um, you tell me or tell us about what it took to go from That, that, that not dropping, what we were talking about before, just hyperlinking back to what we were talking about of not being able to drop, to now being able to drop more, to being able to see more, to being able to live in your heart more. What was that process like as you went through those little journeys like that hike and other things? And how did you arrive to where you are now?

Well, I'd say the journey that this particular journey started in about 2008, and it began with what I was just describing. about realizing I've really invested in my children and in my career, but I don't have a lot of close friends. So the first kind of layer was making that a priority. And so, you know, just spending time with people, talking, learning how to have vulnerable and authentic conversations. And then I think the second half Was in 2015. I got I went through a divorce in 2011, and in 2015 I had dated a couple of guys and had just broken up with this one guy. And I remember just sitting on the couch like for three days. You know, the way you do after a breakup. You know, with a pint of Ben and Jerry's and a fork, and maybe a glass of wine or. Too, and maybe a Netflix binge, you know, any of those things to do. Um, hadn't cut my hair yet. That's also what you do after a breakup. But, um, I just sat on the couch and kind of witnessed myself trying to— like, I'd go for a wine, or I'd go for watching TV, or go for reading a book, and— or take a nap, or— and I thought, what am I— what am I totally not trying to feel? What am I outrunning? And I'm just gonna sit here and feel whatever it is I'm trying not to feel. Mm-hmm. And that moment began to kind of descend into this, my body, and my body was full of anxiety and full of, uh, aching sadness, loneliness, rejection. And no wonder I didn't want to stop and feel those things. But as I was doing it, I realized, oh, wait a minute, I was able to feel it for 30 seconds and I didn't die. And the, you know, that seems, that sounds so silly, but my body, the, the belief was this will kill me. Mm-hmm. So whatever it takes, don't go there. And it didn't kill me. And then I kind of descended again as long as I could. I felt like, you know, I'd go underwater and hold my breath as long as I could and then pop back up. So I thought, you know what, this is, I want to, I want to go there. I want to go descend here and I'm going to explore this, where whatever else is, what else is in here. And so I knew that I needed silence and time and space. So that was the end of 2015. 2016, I set up 3 intentional modalities for doing that. In July, I went on a 30-day silent retreat.

Wow.

I'm an introvert, so I loved that. And that was difficult, um, but that started the process because for 30 days, no talking, Um, the, the pond begins to settle.

Mm-hmm.

Then in August, I went to Peru and I did 4 ayahuasca ceremonies, uh, in Peru. Totally different experience, you know, but wanting to go because I knew I could only go so far, but there were some fortresses inside that were protecting a lot of, you know, just old wounds and I just, I was ready again, taking my threeness, you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do this the three-way, blow that up, blow that open, which it did blow it open. And, uh, then in September I walked the Camino. So it's about, about 28, 30 days, 10 to 20 miles a day walking. You know, the, my intention was to be by myself again, just to kind of be by myself. You're no phones, no nothing. You're just walking all this time to explore what's going on. But I met a Met someone the very first day, not in my plan, but realized you know I'd done a lot of interior stuff. But it really is you can't just it has to be both and. So it's in the interpersonal relationship that I began to kind of excavate what had been blown broken open inside and and again in that relationship. Continued the journey of exploring what was inside. And by the end of that, uh, the truth is, by the end of that, and then we were in a relationship, broke up. Breakups, you know, they just flatline me. Everything that, everything that I'm feeling and has been buried comes up. I ended up checking myself into a 30-day trauma treatment center, uh, and on— it's called Onsite or Milestones. It's in Nashville. And it wasn't like I was, you know, it wasn't like I was like rock bottom, couldn't make it. I just realized there, there's some core stuff I can't get to. I need help getting to some of this. Mm-hmm. Also, I think as a child star, you know, you just have to have the, you know, you've got to have the in-treatment service. That's just part of, you know, the part of the role. And because there are stuff that— there's things that, that when you go through those kinds of things as a child, They really do lodge pretty deeply. So I got some help and then ended up meeting another man, and that's been wonderful because I feel healthier, he's healthier, and now I'm reaping the benefits of all that hard work.

And he grounds his own beans and makes his own coffee, which my wife tells me is pretty excellent.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. He grounds, and my first thought was, you know, I was just finishing your sentence. Yes, he grounds me. I think that's also what we need is we need an anchor. Yeah. Because when we're doing work that's uncovering and dismantling, we can feel completely untethered. That's another time where as leaders, we've got to— it's absolutely both and. We can't be all about what's out here and we can't be all about what's in here. There has to be that circle.

Yeah. You know, you, as you know, I'm really into this whole, like, really figuring out the meaning behind trust. I'd love to just take a second or a couple seconds or more than a couple seconds to explore that because it feels to me like you were on this journey of figuring out trust both with yourself and trust with others, being that you just wanted someone who could ground you, but first you had to trust them to let them in to do that. And I know a lot of people listening and watching right now, just by nature of just, you know, the group and what I've seen in their conversations, go through the same things, which is how do you, how do you trust? And, and, and even more so, you know, coming from the background that you do, trusting and letting people in, I'm sure, is is just as difficult, um, or if not more. So how, how has that, um, been a challenge for you and how have you overcome that?

Yeah, it's been a lifelong journey. Um, I, I was, um, when I was 10 years old, I walked down the— went down, actually rode my bike with a friend down to this little church on the corner. I wasn't raised in a church-going home, but I had a girlfriend spending the night on Saturday night. We thought it'd be fun to get dressed up and go somewhere. So like, hey, let's go down this little church. So we, we went down there and, um, I don't know how to explain it. I, I think, you know, again, just our holes, we can either, um, see them as negative as, or they're also positive because there's, there was this gaping hole that for me I, um, when I walked through the church doors, it just felt like, oh, this is— this— my heart has found its home. That's— this is what this— my life is about. And that was, again, it was an external anchor that I locked onto. And I think organized religion— I'm not at the place now— organized religion is one of the things that kind of got blown up, uh, in the last 10 years of my life. But I'm really grateful for the container that it gave me as a child to— because it really was my protection as I moved to California. I had that really safe container. My first book is called The Facts of Life and Other Lessons My Father Taught Me, and I'm referring to my Heavenly Father because I really— Wow. He was a very practical parent to me. I believed what he said and obeyed it, and that kept me safe. It kept me protected. It kept me in the lanes. to keep me, you know, from getting in— to go— for one thing, going down the path that many child stars go down because there's too much freedom and we're not able to handle it that young of an age. So I'm grateful for that protection. And my very first— my favorite Bible verse is, um, trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths. So that from the time I was little, I recognized trust is— that's, that was my growing edge. Um, and it still has been. And the, um, but what it is now is learning to trust myself. That was the big, uh, the big step for me is trusting that I don't have to look outside myself for wisdom. I don't, I don't have to be in an authority or in a book. Mm-hmm. or in, you know, somebody else's opinion, that input is good, but that ultimately I need to trust my inner knowing. And so, like, the book that I'm writing now, the premise is learning, teaching people from my own experience how to recognize, trust, and follow our own inner guide. Uh, recognizing is the quieting of it. You can't hear it unless you get quiet. Trusting it, I think that takes a lot of a choice. I think we have to choose to trust it and then trust it enough to follow it, to move in it, that now put it into action. And then ultimately finding able to trust someone else for me has been about learning how to tolerate my own difficult emotions. My partner Pete has been teaching me a lot about that. that in order to be vulnerable with somebody in an interpersonal relationship, they're gonna, they're gonna get to those vulnerable places. And in the past, I would have put the wall up or I would have bolted when it got to all those feelings got too much. So realizing, oh, I don't actually have to shut them off. I can actually tolerate them. I can feel them. They'll move through me. They won't stay forever. I don't have to act on them. And then therefore, I can remain in relationship because you really can't have that, the kind of intimacy without vulnerability. I don't think you can have vulnerability without difficult emotions. Don't know that you can have experienced difficult emotions unless you can really trust that you can. So it's again, it's just, it's such a circle.

Isn't it? Yeah, and this is all so well tied together, everything that you're talking about between relationships and trust and feeling whole and speaking from your heart and giving, um, giving before thinking. And, and really, um, really just, you know, it really ties itself together to everything that you're talking about and coming to that place in life where you feel like you can be vulnerable because of all that. Um, and, and that what comes out because of that will be magical. It'll be unexpected, delightful, and, and probably surprising, but in a good way. If not now, then eventually. Um, uh, at least I've come to, to realize that. Um, now, now I don't know what took me so long.

Um, you know, we can't beat ourselves up for what takes so long because, you know, in order to dismantle your ego, you have to have a pretty strong one. So it takes us a while to, to build that up, to build up that protection and that structure, um, and before we can then internalize it as a solid core so that we can be raw and vulnerable on the outside. So both steps are definitely necessary.

Um, okay, so I would just real quickly, I want to, um, I want to make sure that we give— thank you all. There's a large conversation going on on the side here, and—

Well, how rude!

And well, it's all about what we're talking about, which is great. It's not like it's like they're talking about—

they're not talking about the Masters last weekend.

Yeah, which was— oh my God. I mean, that could be a whole conversation unto itself. No, but there's some really great stuff. I just want to make sure that now if you guys want to throw out some questions, specific questions, we're gonna— we're not gonna probably be able to address every single thing, but we'll try. And it's gonna be treated more like a rapid fire. So if there's a You know, dying question, a quick, a question that you really want to make sure that Lisa answers. I'll try to, you know, put up a couple of them for her.

And I'll try to limit my answers from four minutes to thirty seconds. It's okay. It's all right. No worries. I have a

friend

who says I should join a kind of a twelve-step group, the on and on and on. Yeah, on and on and on.

Yeah, it's the 24-step group now. So here's one from JS Gilbert. I think this is a really relevant, um, relevant question. And, and, you know, you and I actually have, I think, had some discussion around this, which is what are good ways to live this life now in this online world that we live in? Um, through, you know, trust and relevancy and living from your heart. Um, I've actually learned a lot from you and how you treat social media. I'd love for you to talk about, you know, uh, how you live online and offline.

Um, well, I'll say how I live, but I really do think there are so many ways that are all equally great, and it depends on what you're you know, uh, what your goal is for, on, for social media.

Hmm.

I am, because I've spent the first part of my life building and right now I'm, I'm more in the deconstructing, I have, I'm trying to pay attention to, I don't want to use social media, um, to, to build a brand I mean, obviously that's important. It's just that's not where, where I am right now. As a matter of fact, I have to be careful about that. I need to be aware, um, because where my goal now is to be more authentic, to be— to not have to be, you know, getting my worth from what I do. So I need— I'm running through before I post something, it kind of a little quick check, you know, what is my motivation for this? Am I trying to impress people? people? Am I trying to build, you know, a following? That is certainly— if that's what you're doing for your career, great. I have nothing against that. But for me, it's a good kind of a check for me of how far I am in this journey of not needing other people's approval and mass acceptance. Mm-hmm. I need to be working more on, okay, this is just me. I want to share it. I'm going to throw it out there. And it doesn't matter, you know, well it does, of course I feel that way, but the goal is it doesn't matter what the response is going to be. Right. I also have to be careful with my time as far as I know building something, there needs to be much more interaction. I don't interact a lot online and there's a part of me that feels badly about that, but there's another part of me, it's a choice that takes time and that's not where my focus is. right now. I think one of the— another thing that's really— I'm using social media for my own, you know, growth is being aware of when I'm judging. You know, I think that it's so easy for all of us on social media because there is this separation. It's kind of safe to judge. Mm-hmm. And so I'm using it for myself when I notice somebody and I go, oh, that's so inauthentic, or oh my gosh, that's so, you know, doctored, or, you know, of course, recognizing things that—

Yeah.

The reason I recognize them is because that's in me. I'm just kind of trying to kind of hold it back right now. But finding ways to then use that for realizing there's so many different ways of approaching things. And just because it's not my way, there is no— there's no judgment there. And so I'm There can be a lot of judgment, but this can also be an opportunity to really practice acceptance of all forms.

You know, Lisa, I love, love, love, love that question that you asked before you post. That for me is something I'm going to take away, you know, just to ask myself, why, why am I posting this? And what is the reason? What's the the being behind this. Um, just to keep going, um, there's some really, really awesome questions in here, guys. Thank you so much. Um, uh, let me pick this one out here. Uh, oh, it was so good. Here we go. This is from, um, Liz Kelly. She's, she's also an author, and she's written, I want to say, like 15 to 20 books, and she's, she's an amazing person. Um, along your journey, as you continue growing to be the person that you want to become, how have the people around you, family and friends, reacted?

Great question. And I don't know if this— um, so again, I'll just take my personal journey. It's been difficult. I've lost a lot of, uh, friends. I've had difficult conversations with family. Because I think when you grow and you change, you know, you change the dance for everybody. And then a lot of the ways you have been, especially if the way we are is to make other people happy, to get their approval, to be a people pleaser, then when we start changing, you know, people in our life don't like that sometimes. And so, um, and especially like I mentioned, my, my whole foundation, the first 40 years of my life was really based on a particular form of relationship with God through just traditional American Christianity. And in the last 10 years, as I've— as those walls have dropped around me, there's an openness, like much more inclusion, much more grace, much more acceptance, much less judgment. But for those that the walls still feel very necessary and very safe and the belief is very strong that that's the only way, I think some, some of my, especially my, my audience, you know, kind of has felt some, could feel somewhat betrayed because I was kind of the, the poster child for a successful person who was a Christian. I still consider myself a Christ follower, um, but more of a Christ follower than a Christian. And, um, so that doesn't set with, with some people. It's been difficult in some ways.

Oh, we can have another conversation on that one. There's so many conversations we can go off, uh, on, but I'm just gonna keep us, uh, focused here. Um, uh, so, you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna just close with this one, uh, last question, and then we will, um, Just end on really quickly on your, on your show. The question is about coaching. So forgive me because the names don't come up. But the question is, I have no idea where to find a life coach or what qualifications I should be looking for. Can you help? Well, for one, I'm going to, I'm going to plug you and just say you can actually hire Lisa as a life coach. And so you can go to contigocoach.com.

Contigolifecoach.com.

Contigolifecoach.com. So there's that. But Lisa, why don't you go ahead and answer the question if you don't mind?

Yeah. So my life coaching is called Contigo because that's Spanish for with you. And so I think my— it depends on what you're looking for for your goals. I mean, although I think there's less and less of a line as far as like business coaching or life coaching or transformational coaching because Because ultimately, it's so holistic that you can start out wanting to have a career goal and realize, oh, there's some stuff in my life that's blocking that, some saboteurs. Let's address that. Or maybe you want to, oh, I just want to find my purpose. And, you know, then you come up with, oh, there's some confidence issues, money issues, there's some career stuff in the past that still got me hooked. So it's all going to be connected. But I think find purpose. find someone, more than anything, find someone who believes that the answers are inside you, that they don't have the answers, because that's going to be just imposing. It's going to be projecting. And we're all so incredibly unique. We have to trust that the answers are inside each individual person. So I would say find a coach that wholeheartedly believes that the answers are within you. And that you have what it takes, you know the timing of it, and that their job is to simply shine a spotlight inside to kind of, let's search around, where are the clues for who you are and why you're here. And then I'm going to mix some metaphors here, find the ember, blow a little oxygen on that, let it flame up and let it create its own fire. So more than anything, Find someone who's going to— that you're going to work themselves out of a job because ultimately you get it. Oh, all the answers are inside me. I'm, I'm my own coach. Not that we don't need other people. I have my own coach, you know, because I have my own blind spots and I can't see from all angles. But ultimately, find someone that convinces you and teaches you how to learn how to recognize, trust, and follow your own inner coach.

Oh, and you know what's brilliant about that is to— you have your own coach. I love hearing that. You know, when coaches have coaches, we all have blind spots no matter where you are, and it's hard for us to see ourselves. So if you're out there wondering if you're, um, alone and, uh, thinking, why can't I see myself that I could do this for everyone else, I have to say welcome, because that is, that is, that is who we are. We, um, we do have blind spots and we need other people, which just goes, goes back to the entire dialogue for this whole show. which is we need people in our lives in order to see our own blind spots, and people that we trust. And I think that's a maybe a good place to just transition into and just very quickly say, um, thank you. But also, I'd love for everyone just to know about your— just a quick plug on your new show, where to find it, and, and, um, and, and, and, and yeah, let's, let's go with that.

Yeah, so it's called Collector's Call. It just premiered 2 Sunday nights ago. It's on MeTV, which is You can just Google, um, metv.com to find out where to find it on your network. Um, it's, uh, it's the, the, the network that runs all of the classic television shows and runs Facts of Life in the mornings. And this is their first original programming, and it's called Collector's Call. And I travel the country and I find people who have amazing collections. We learn about their collections, but where I love it, you know, as a life coach, is I'm just fascinated by people and You can imagine anybody who's this passionate about something is going to be a character and they're going to have an interesting story. And so I interview them, I find out where did the passion start, what's it connected to. By and large, it's connected to childhood, it's connected to some kind of memory they're still trying to hold on to, or a relationship that even maybe not still here, but by continuing to collect keeps them connected. You know, we're just always finding ways to stay connected to ourselves, our heart, and to each other. And collections and this show is just kind of a manifestation of that. We also bring in an appraiser, tell them what it's worth. The twist is, um, they bring in— the appraiser brings an item that's on the collector's wish list that they've been looking for. We find it, but then they have to trade it for an equal value item. And that's been really interesting.

Mm-hmm.

And again, another really good life lesson. Because they want something so badly, but to do that you have to open your hand and let go of something you already have that's of value. And man, what a truth that is for us. And to see what, you know, to see whether they can let go of something that's really been meaningful to them, that has a great story, in order of receiving something new that has been on their, you know, a new desire. And so that just is, you know, I'm always looking for bigger principal connections, and it's actually strangely all through this show that also happens to be just kind of entertaining and educational.

Oh, that's amazing. Well, congratulations. Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing everything and all of you and opening yourself up to the, to the community here and to myself. And cannot wait to see more episodes. The other thing I can say is that I downloaded the app from the Apple Store, and I was able to watch the show that way. So there's another way to do it if you don't, you know, have the means through cable or something like that. And so I just want to say thank you. Also a shout out— I can't— I wish I could see all your names and give everyone a shout out here. We've had over 100 people on, on this at some point during the, the show, from Jennifer Quinn and Michelle Wilhoit, Liz Kelly, Karen Sorry if I get your name wrong, Fennec. Kelly McCarthy, who I went to high school with. Um, Lynn Abate Johnson, Melissa Zink, Jim Inman, um, Susie Weitzman, um, and Courtney. I think we know Courtney, right? We know Courtney. Um, Linda Simone D'Angelo, uh, Twyla, Julia, Dawn, and the list goes on. So thank you all so much for joining today. Um, I'm gonna be excited to, uh, um, share this now over the next 5 days. Feel free to replay it, share it with your friends. And, um, Lisa, thank you. I really appreciate you being here today.

Looking forward to being in your home this summer.

Yes, yes, that'll be fun. All right, thanks again, everybody.

Thank you.