Effective Communication Tips for Supporting Someone in Pain

How should we show up for someone who's in pain? The less you say, the better. More words are usually bad just because we just end up putting our foot in our mouth and we don't mean to. And people talk a lot about, you know, well, but their intention is right. You know, their heart is in the right place. And I understand that. But also, you can still hurt somebody, even with good intentions. And part of what's missing in grief culture is we really need to be more intentional instead of using, well, you know, I didn't intend to hurt their feelings. I know, but you also didn't intend not to. Like, we need to be intentional about how we show up. And it's just to be clear, I am not saying that it's other people's job or our culture's job to make grieving easier for grievers. Okay? That is 100% our responsibility as grievers. Healing is an inside job, and we have to take full ownership of our own hearts. But support does matter, and I teach all of my clients how to ask for that support specifically. But if you love a griever and you want to show up well for them, say as little as possible. One of the things that is often said is, if you need me, I'm here. Call me. Well, grievers don't know what they need. And by the time they figure out what we need, they feel bad asking because how long are you supposed to grieve? And how they feel needy and they don't want to overwhelm. And everyone's sort of moved on with their life. And so instead of, if you need me, I'm here, call me. Just keep checking in. Send that text message. Can I order anything off Amazon for you? Can I deliver groceries for you? How are you getting enough sleep? Can I come over for a cup of tea? Would you like to go for a walk? You know, and you just. And everyone's different, so they're going to need different things, but you just keep checking in. And you don't just check in for six weeks. You check in for two years.