How to Find Your Alignment in Life and Business with Cari Li

What's up, coach? Today's video. We're diving in with alignment expert Carri Lee, all about how to find your alignment in both life and business.

Are you ready?

Let's get started. What's up, coach? I am the owner of BE Simpson Fitness and the founder of PT Profit formula and PT Profit Podcast. I'm Beverly Simpson, and welcome to today's video. We are sitting down with alignment expert Carrie Lee, and we are discussing all things alignment. So if you're anything like me, then perhaps you had those moments of, I don't even know what alignment is. Is that a real thing? How do I know if I'm in alignment? And so if you're asking those questions, then you're going to want to stay till the end of this video. So if you haven't already hit, like, tap, subscribe and tap that bell to be notified when the next latest and greatest Bell video comes up. Now, without further ado, let's roll that interview. Welcome to the show. Carrie, I'm so excited to have you. How are you doing?

I'm so good, Beverly. I'm so glad we got to do this today. It's just we've been long overdue for a chat, so thank you so much for having me on here. It's going to be amazing.

Yes, I know we're really going to dive into some awesome things today, which I'm super pumped about. But, you know, it's just been really great to connect because I've known Carrie now from really. It's hard to believe it because I just interviewed Jill for my podcast. I met Carrie through Jill's mastermind. And Internet years can feel like decades.

Absolutely. I think, because we just kind of, like, open up right from the beginning, and we know everybody's deepest, darkest things and what we need to do. I don't know, maybe that's what it is for me. I don't know about everyone else.

It's like, because it's only been every time I think about where I started, and I always bring it back to Jill because. Cause that's kind of where I started. I think it was four years ago, three years ago maybe, and it feels like lifetimes ago.

Yeah. I mean, how much has Internet business changed since we first started? Right.

It's completely different.

Completely.

I think it's, you know, principles transcend, and yet it's still a different space. And so I think it's good. It keeps it fun and exciting.

Agreed. 100%.

So let's go ahead and just dive right in. Can you Just share with us a little bit about who you are, who you serve and how you got there.

Sure. Well Beverly, when I first met you I was still coaching fitness and more towards like burnout. And that was because as a personal trainer I burnt out. I mean I'm sure there's some personal trainers listening and you know those long 12, 15 hour days you work before people go to work and after people go to work and. And I just wanted to be the best coach ever, right? And so I gave my all. I was a gymnast. That's just if my coach tells me to do something I'm going to do everything for, you know, I mean we're like really like super going to do it the best we can. And so I did what I thought was my best and really just ignored my own self care in that process and just burnt out which meant I couldn't coach anybody anymore. And so I started looking around and I'm from Singapore. So this happened in Singapore, which is like, it looks like New York City. You know, it's like a small little island country and like people are always moving left and right and going, doing all the things and busy, busy, busy. And this burnout, I mean the hormonal issues, the inability to lift anymore. I had to stop lifting for like six months just to get my body back right because it was just broken down so much, the weight gained, all that stuff. And I looked around and I thought, you know what, A lot of the ladies that we are coaching in the gym are struggling with the same thing but we're all approaching everything the same way and that's kind of hurting them more than helping them. And that's when my online business started and it was a lot of like alignment in the body type work. Obviously over the years you tend to evolve as a coach and so your coaching shifts and evolves with you and now it's become about identity, alignment. So who am I? And also like what I call mission alignment, which might be like what is your purpose? What should you do with your career? What direction does that look like? Who are you? What is your role here? You know, so it's just evolved to that and it's become really, really fun just breaking down alignment for people and helping them find that space and watching the ease that comes with it.

I can't wait that we're going alignment specifically. So what, what are you, are you still working in the fitness space now?

Very little. So I'm handing off. I have my own coaches who I've trained myself who are starting to take over, like, that fitness coaching type of thing. It was not where I was most needed now. So now I'm really coaching the coaches to help with that issue, which has been really fun. Some of them came up through my program too, so it's, like, really cool to see them pass the torch.

That's great. So now you primarily serve coaches and help them build businesses online.

Yeah, and even just people who already have the business part built. But there's that something missing. So I work with. I think we know a lot of high achievers, right? So a lot of us are high achievers, and we high achieve a certain way. And then we get there and we find out, like, actually, this is not even what I wanted or why am I not getting the feelings I was told I would get? And so I work a lot with high achievers who get stuck right there as well. And what we do is we figure out what's missing, and that changes everything.

I love that. So there's two things that I really want to dive into that you talked about. You talked about alignment specifically, and this is what you help with. And so I know, for me, I kept hearing that word, right? I kept hearing, like, you need to get into alignment. Just be in alignment. And I remember thinking, what does that even mean? I mean, I am in alignment. This is what I want, right? And I started working with, and I've been mentioned this on the. On the podcast, I started working with Jim Porton and Brandon Lucero specifically talking about alignment in this way. And they were like, are you in alignment? I'm like, yes, I'm in alignment. So I, you know, I laugh now because I recognize, you know, I had a huge shift for me so that when I actually did get into alignment, it was like water just, like started flowing. Nothing was hard anymore. It was just a very different experience. So I'm curious your perspective and your take on what specifically is alignment and how do you know when you're in it?

Yeah, I mean, you described a lot of it, right? There, there's that ease, there's that flow. Like, there's a different kind of resistance. I think you know what I'm talking about, where there's like two different kinds of resistance. There's the resistance where, like, oh, this is so hard to do, and I have to push so hard just to get somewhere, you know? And that looks like dieting. If you want to bring it back to the body alignment. That looks like forcing your body to diet in a way that it's not supposed to. Right? And that makes results really hard to come by. Those hard results, once you get them, if you go off track from this so called alignment, which to me is an alignment, then what happens, you kind of rebound. Right. So that's like alignment in the body that's not happening. Alignment in the body that is a lot easier is actually learning how to work with your body. Right. So we use hormones, we use our energy, how are we sleeping, how are we moving? What do we feel like in our body? Because we, I think Beverly, me and you both agree that like our external world is just an extension of our internal world, right? Yeah. So this is for people who are willing to bring the work internal and actually do the real work with the root issues so that their external world shifts. So when that shifts, it looks like a lot of ease. It's a different kind of resistance. More like a are you ready to go to the next level resistance. Does that make sense? Like it's this fear that you step into. It's the one that takes the courage, the one that you know, you understand. You don't have control on what's on the other side, but you're just going to kind of surrender to it and go with it. Just because there's this feeling that that's what you're supposed to be doing and you're going to go for it anyways. Even without the understanding. To me, that's what alignment starts to look like when you let go and you let things come to you. So that's the base level of alignment. I can go break it down into more if you want me to. Like, you want me going into it?

Yes, please.

Okay. So I mentioned three, three versions of alignment. We start with the body, then the identity, then mission. So maybe because I'm in fitness, I have a bit of bias around like working with the tangible first. I think a lot of times I work with people who are like in this state that I call broken, burnt out. Right. Like they're tired, they have no money, it's just not seems to be going right. There's this constant struggle. Right. It feels like you're drowning all the time, like you can't catch your breath. It's really hard to sit and be like, change what's happening internally at that level when all this chaos is going around you. Right. Let's just also talk about as we know it, from fitness, the hormonal aspects to things. When you're in this state, you start having all these hormones kind of shouting at you. Right. Your body is really, really reactive. So when people are in this state, they don't really get to be themselves. They don't really get to know themselves. A lot of people have never come out of this state long enough to discover who they are. So how can alignment even happen if you don't know who you are? If you can't tell a distinction between your body, your mind and you, your soul, or whatever you want to call it, how do you know you're in alignment? It's really hard. You have hormones screaming at you. You have your mind doing whatever it wants, telling you everything to do to survive. Does that make sen. You've got all the signals coming in. You can't tell what is yours or if you're religious, what is God or what is spirit. How do you determine what voice is what? So this is what we do. I like to start with the body, which, if some of your health coaches, you've done a lot of this work, probably so great, we quieten the body, we work with the body. Let's make the body less reactive so that we can actually start to hear what the mind is, what the soul is. Does that make sense? So we quiet the hormones and then we get to actually dig deep into who we are. So next what happens is the mind might start to become really, really loud because the body is quiet now. It's like, oh, my God. Suddenly my mind has this loud, loud voice. It was always there. You just couldn't really hear it very clearly before. So that comes into the identity alignment part. We work out what is your mind and what is you. So it's really important people understand that these are two distinct, different things. You are not always your mind. Your mind is a tool for you, right? But there is you outside of your mind. And, you know, I think. I don't know if you've had depression or anxiety type of stuff before, but that is the mind and the soul really just tearing itself apart, wanting to be in two different states. You know what I mean? Your soul is screaming this, and your mind is like, but this is safe. And so learning how to break that down, make that distinction so that you can actually start to learn who you are. You've heard of things like deconditioning, deprogramming, like, this is where a lot of that work can really happen, too. And then finally, when you figure out who you are, you get to move on to what your mission is, what you're here to do, right? And you get to build that around the foundation of your body and your identity alignment, which is a big Mistake a lot of us coaches made, like I made in my mid-20s, is I built my mission like I built everything, like who I am around my mission, and that's why I burnt out. I have a business now that if I choose to. So if I don't want to launch or anything, I have a base of eight days that I have to work in a month. So I only work three weeks, a month and a couple days within that. Anything else I want to do, I can do. It's my choice. If I light up for it, I light up for it. If I don't, I don't. But that's pretty good for me because I protected what I need to protect, and I built around that. Does that make sense?

It does. Now, would you argue. And what you're saying resonates with me because it's stuff that I've just been pondering for myself all the time because it's stuff I say to my coaches. But then, you know, you know, whatever's happening. You said this and I do operate this, that whatever is happening on externally, it is just a reflection of what's happening happening internally. So every time I catch myself saying something to one of my own clients, I'm always reflecting it back and being, where is it in me that I need to look at this? And so one of those things that you said is that, you know, that I caught myself saying to one of my clients is that you are not your job.

Yeah.

If you lost everything tomorrow, it's not going to change you. And when I'm saying it at that moment, I'm also saying saying it to myself. And I think that that. That is. That resonates with me, is that I've built my identity around my mission. And I'm curious, do you find that many. Most coaches do that?

Oh, I love this question. And I have some clients of mine, if they're listening, they're going to laugh, too, because they probably know what I'm going into. So there's therapists that I coach, there's doctors, people with these, like, credentials that are super. You know, they have a lot of pull to them. Right. Like credentials with high performers. So they, you know, they tend to be the extreme and kind of chase this usually from someone else's, you know, suggestion. We'll say, okay. But either way, they have that. Now, the few that I've brought into this coaching world, right, they've all kind of had this similar dependence on the credential, and they were unable to really sell their value because their value has never been placed in themselves. Nobody taught them like, hey, your value is not just as a doctor, just as a licensed therapist. Your value isn't actually who you are. Just like Beverly, when you were personal training and coaching fitness, your value was not in the exercises that you taught. The value was in who you are and who your clients want to be around and talk to and share with. Right? And so there's so much misplaced value, especially with high achieving, because high achieving means we are doing all of this to achieve and become this idea that we have in our head. And that gets very dangerous sometimes. It gets very, very dangerous because motivation's off.

And I love that because it's super dangerous. Because I'll just share for me, and from my perspective, full transparency is that as someone who resonates with that, creating their identity from their mission. What happened to me was that all of a sudden I reached these arbitrary goal markers that I had thought that, you know, when I get there, life is going to be easy. And then you get there and it's.

Like, wait, right, Somebody lied to me here.

Wait, I.

Wait a minute.

Now that I've achieved this, it's just like, you know, new level, new devil, you know, because people, I've heard it, you hear that all the time, analytically. I think we all understand that. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's not going to be me, you know.

Well, this is, this is. What's funny is that, you know, you said, new level, new devil. How I look at my work is that I do the same work. Like, it doesn't matter if you're making a million a year or ten grand a year. Some people literally have the same issue. And it does. You know what I mean? Like, you can be broke making a million, like have a broke mindset at a million dollars a year, right? With a seven, eight figure business, you can still have a broke mindset. There are people who have achieved lots of money who are not successful because they are the most bitter people, you know what I mean? Ever. So if I take someone, let's say, who is what we consider in society really successful, but he's out of alignment with his body, how much does he know himself, you know, on a very deep level, how much does he know himself and know because he's been chasing something that his body is kind of resisting, does that make sense? Like his body is tired, his body is breaking down his body, like all these things are happening, but he's making all the money. Something's still not running, right? And so what it comes down to a lot of times is this distinction between what I call zombie mode and a fully engaged life. Right? So like that fully engaged life is super important. And it's really hard to live a fully engaged life if you are wasting all your energy dispersing it everywhere. Ok, so let's say the body is doing one thing, the identity is doing another, the mission is doing a whole other thing. Your whole energy is dispersed. This means progress is going to be really slow. Progress has to work through all these loops to get anywhere. But if you are aligned, your body, your identity, your mission, you start to create this laser of energy where your focus is fully here and you get to be exactly who you need to be without having to meet expectations of anybody else and wasting energy on that without having to build something else that you don't even want to build. Imagine all your identity, your body, who you are, focus on your mission. That is powerful stuff. That's alignment to me. And that kind of progress is what brings the like quantum leaps. You've been hearing about quantum leaps everywhere. That's how you do it. You align your energy and it becomes just this strong laser.

So would you say that all three of these pillars of alignment need to work synergistically together in order to get into, in order to achieve quantum leaps?

I would say it depends where you are if you've never been in alignment. Right. So let's say I meet a 26 year old girl who's just kind of been chasing everything her society told her to chase and she suddenly just aligns with her body. That might provide a quantum leap in itself. If someone comes to me like, who has had their business for a while, who works out, they just don't know who they are, you know what I mean? Just that little shift could make a quantum leap, you know. So it's hard to say. It's like a diet plan. Everyone's is going to be a little different. It just really depends on who you, where you are right now and what needs shifted, how much away from you, you've become. That's what, that's what helps.

So how, you know, how would you recommend someone start to get into this type of work? Like how would you, you know, let's say they're brand new to this. It's the first time that they're hearing this episode and they're like, oh no, how do I know if I'm in alignment? Which one should I start with? Like where would you in this process for someone?

Well, honestly, I made a quiz and that makes it super easy. And so I can give you the link for that.

That's helpful up in the show notes, for sure.

Cool. So that. That quiz gives you a really good idea just on the body level, which your body and identity is that foundational level that you have to figure out before you can figure out why you're here to do what you do. Right? And so in that quiz, it's going to break you down into four different levels. And it's drowning, treading water, swimming and running, drowning and treading water. These are what we call kind of like the survival stages. This is either you're in full burnout on the way in, or maybe you're coming out. But I talk about how to find that body alignment at each level. We want to get you up to the thriving stages, which are swimming and running. So I use this. This is the first thing I give all my clients because I want to know where they're at. I want to know where their external world is at. And this quiz just really breaks it down and makes it easy for me. And I'm like, okay, if people are testing into survival, there's a lot of reactivity going on, right? So if you ask them to, let's say they have to take a leap in this direction, like, hey, go hire Beverly. Go join her program. You know what I mean? And they're like, oh, but I need to make money first. Or, no, I can't do that yet. It's reactive. Because in their head, if they know, hey, I need to have a coaching business. This is the help I need, and it's placed right in front of them. Their fear comes in the mind that's reactive. The body is like, oh, no. Right? And they are like, no, I am not ready for that yet. But as a coach, verily, I am sure, you know, hey, this is kind of the leap you have to take if you want to do this thing, right? And so being able to identify when your mind is keeping you small and your soul is shouting like, hey, this is direction I'm going to. I know I went. I think I went off on a tangent from your question, but we're talking.

About, like, how do you know? Like, how do you determine whether you are, like, what if you know? And this kind of just led into another question, is that, let's say. And you kind of talked about it, is that, like, let's say your. Your, you know, soul is out of alignment, right? And you're having, you know, you're. You're having, like, a Fear signal come up. Like, is it gonna. If you're out of alignment in one thing, is it going to manifest, you know, in a. In the body, or is. How is it going to manifest?

Like, how. Yeah, I mean, so I believe it. You know, there are people that might say otherwise and stuff, but I believe it manifests in the body. It's happened a lot for me and just the clients that I work with, so the clients who end up more burnt out, the people who work with me, they tend to be really caring and like sensitive people. They're a lot of the time empathic as well. Like, I'm. I'm quite empath. And so tapping in is just something I had to learn not to take on everyone's shit, you know, and so. So it's. It's hard. Ask me your question one more time. How do you want me to tie this up?

How do you, you know, does it manifest if your soul is screaming at you, Are you. How are you going to. If you're not in tune to that? Is it going to manifest in the body?

Yeah. So in the body, Absolutely. I mean, talk about the hormonal disruptions that people come to me with, you know, and what happens is, like, let's say they come to me with, you know, all this weight they've suddenly gained and all of that. A lot of times I can have clients who have done all the right things. They're eating the right foods, they're moving, they're walking, and their sleep is there. Sometimes there's just one thing left that has been untouched that is helping them hold on to this misalignment. Sometimes it's something, and usually it is something very deep within them that they haven't let go of. And yes, so I've watched literally, people do all the right things. You know, trainers will say it's only calories that matter. Sure, yes. But let me tell you, the stress of not letting go, especially for a sensitive woman, does show up on the body a lot more. My body is like an alarm system for me. Like, if I gain ten pounds in the next two days, I know, okay, what am I holding onto here? What am I not letting go of? And I literally can work through that and watch the water just drop away. So from the reactivity of my body, I will say, definitely, yes, it shows up. And from the clients that I've worked with, letting go of certain things just shifts the body completely sometimes. So if you're someone who's been doing things right for a while and can't Figure it out. It's time to go inside. Like when the body is not doing its thing, it's time to be still and go inside. That's what I always teach, you know.

Well, I got two things to say on that. On number one, is that you. Or two questions rather is that you attract. Based on, you know, what I'm hearing, it sounds like you definitely attract those high performers, those high achievers. And as someone who resonates with that, how have you been able to bridge the gap for them? Because when you first start to introduce this type of work, you know, as a high performer, if someone's like, okay, well let's slow down, let's just check in with your soul. You're like, if they're not already spiritually connected, they're like, no, this person's crazy. So how do you bridge that gap for people?

Sure. I mean one of the easiest ways is with energy management and, and what we find is that a lot of people run off of this like borrowed energy. 1 and also this need to prove right, this need to people please make other people happy, especially family. Right. Or society or fitting into society. And so for me, what I discovered was like, I think Beverly, when you met me, I was working like I was working my ass off. I was doing a ton of shit all the time, trying to do this and that and just trying to do as much as I can for my people. But that speed and that energy was not my energy. That's not the speed I was actually supposed to move at. And so for me, like we talked about body, I was having issues with like my cycle and getting that ready because there was just too much going on. So what I tend to do with these high achievers is first identify if this energy is borrowed or if it's theirs. That's super important because you have to be aware to if I'm pulling energy from other things that are driving it because that's going to tank you out, that's going to end up burning you out down the road very shortly. Usually the burnout is when they come look for me, you know what I mean? And it's like, okay, so now you need to do this. But for you in a way that works for you. Just like with a diet plan, how we find and we tweak things for people and their body with what they eat, same with their energy. So what we start to do is we start to break down. I do this in my true you program. It's a two week intensive and we take this huge audit of where we are now. And then we start to break down what's actually ours and what's actually not ours. And what happens is a lot gets to be let go in that process. And when you let go, you make space. When you make space and you decide to align your energy, which, by the way, you'll be tested when you do decide to. So stay strong. But when you do align with your energy, it then allows the right things to come in. The right things, meaning you also know how to say no to the things that are no longer for you, which is also very hard for people. So sometimes people go through this cycle of having to do it a few times, clearing the space, and then a lot of people get uncomfortable with that space. The right things, meaning you also know how to say no to the things that are no longer for you, which is also very hard for people. So sometimes people go through this cycle of having to do it a few times, clearing the space, and then a lot of people get uncomfortable with that space. Oh, I'm not busy. Oh, I'm not productive. I'm not performing. So I have no value. That's the mind telling you you have no value when that's not actually true. My value is not in how productive I am. My value is how I help others. Right. Yours might be different. But productivity should not be a measure of value for a person. You know what I mean? But society has placed that heavily on us, and it has driven a lot of us to be high achievers and very unhappy. So if you understand this cycle, keep that space sacred and only allow what is for you in alignment with you to come in. When you're in alignment, decisions are also easier to make. Does it fit or does it not? Because I'm heading this way, things will come in, and when they come in, I just get to say, is it for me or not? Yes or no. It's very easy to make decisions. When you learn how to make decisions efficiently, you save so much energy, everything just starts kind of like domino effect in the right way. And that's quantum leaps. There you go. That's all it is. One step at a time, bit by bit.

Now, you mentioned that we, you know, part of that process is being able to determine whether or not you are using borrowed energy or your energy. How do you determine the difference?

Oh, this has been really, really fun to just experiment with. Like, I can share with you a bit of my experiment. So me in the gym all the time, that's how you used to know me. A lot of that was a need to prove and to be a certain way for others. So intention and energy can be very similar. To me, my intention creates energy. Does that make sense? And so just because the intention has been I am doing this for everybody else and now I've ended up in this spot. I have over overused that energy. I've tanked my system out. It has depleted my system. That's an obvious sign that I've been running on someone else's fuel for a while now. To me. So one being in that state of burnout, like if you guys take the life alignment quiz and you test into the treading water or the drowning stage, you're probably running off of borrowed energy. For now. How you shift that is, you start to learn when your energy lights up. How many things have we done every day that we don't even want to do? That's a lot of energy wasted. You know what I mean? And I'm not saying don't be responsible for yourself, but I think some of the things that we feel responsible for a lot of times have nothing to do with us. You know, and not saying don't be responsible for others or anything like that. But if you can't even handle yourself, we all know this as a coach, how are you going to help somebody else? So you got to pick and choose what's for you and what's not for you. And a lot of us won't stay in our lane and let other people. This is important as a coach. Like you have the thing you're good at. If you won't stay in this lane, you're taking away the opportunity for other people who actually are really good at these other things to do what's best for other people. Hope that makes sense.

Yeah, no, we've actually talked a lot about this on the podcast. Is that when you have a network of people, it actually makes you more powerful as a coach because your job is not to solve everybody's problems. Your job is to help people expand essentially. And when you can be a resource or a one stop shop essentially, not because you're going to fix it all, but you have the network of people to assist your client. That actually makes you more valuable, not less.

Exactly. Yeah. Like I don't want to coach workouts anymore, Beverly. I've done it for 10 years. I'm done. Like I did gymnastics five years before that. I don't want to do that. And so if I force myself to show up to coach these workouts, that I really don't want to do. Anymore. Who loses? Everybody. The people who paid for the program and me and my business. So I love it that now I get to empower somebody else to do it, get excited for it, who's excited to help, coach people. And now everybody wins. Like, I don't have to do it. They enjoy their job, and the clients are like, oh, she's great. You know, so it just helps when you stay in your lane.

I think that's powerful, too, because I know for me, like, as I was experimenting and going, you know, figuring out what alignment meant for me was that I kept coming up, I kept getting signs that this is what I'm supposed to do, this is what I was supposed to do. And I kept ignoring them. And the only reason why I was ignoring it is because I had this arbitrary belief of what I deemed based on, you know, where it came from, who's to say? But. But I had believed that I needed to achieve a certain amount of things before I can move into what was. Lit me up, essentially, which is.

It's absolutely false. Some of my best gymnastics coaches that I've had never did a flip in their life, but they're really good at teaching people how to flip. You know what I mean? Now, I'm not saying, like, people should never have real life application and, you know, should probably know a little about what they're coaching, but, like, don't let everyone else's factors determine what you are and your value. You know what I mean? Like, that's really for you to decide. Nobody else knows you as well as you know you. So, yeah, just letting all that go helps so much.

And also, something that you said, though, that kind of. I hadn't thought of it in this way before was that you're talking about, you know, when you create your value or decide that your value is based on some type of mission, I think that that often leads to doing work that you don't really want to do or need to do because you've somehow associated your value and your worth to doing that stuff.

Yeah, that is really important for sales calls. Mission is, you know, my clients, they're always like, okay, like, sales call strategy. How do I close them? How do I. This. My. My number one policy is honesty. Like, if you're so sure about your mission and how you can help, then honesty is going to be the only thing you ever need. Like, if I get on the phone with someone who is literally, like, struggling with money, but they're burnt out, and I know that this program is going to be the thing that breaks that cycle for them. I'm going to make sure I take a chance on them. I'm going to fight for them to understand why the investment is important. And I don't care what they think about me because I am on my mission. You know what I mean? Like, okay, here's the thing. I'm going to fight hard for you because I don't know who's going to fight for you next time. I don't know when the next time you're going to get on the phone with a coach who really knows what's going on is going to help you get out of this cycle. I know I have the ability. I know you're saying maybe you don't have the money, but I'm saying right now it's more important than the money because you either are preemptive about this or you end up in the hospital. The way you're going, I know that very clearly about my program. I know what I do. I know the value. And I don't have a problem telling people, hey, you actually really need this because the way you're heading is not working. But because my mission is so strong, I don't give a shit if I piss someone else on the other end of the phone off for fighting for them. I don't know the next person who's gonna fight for them. Does that make sense? I just don't know. I'm not gonna leave it up to chance. I'm gonna sleep better at night. So even if they just have not, say, I enjoy getting reactions out of people that aren't fun. But, like, I know I did all I could. Yeah. And that's all that matters to me. Right.

Well, people fight for their limitations all the time.

Absolutely. Oh, they do. It's so comfortable.

Yeah, for sure. For sure. So, you know, when you, you know, say someone, would you say that people usually come to you because they already have an understanding of, you know, needing to be in alignment or how is it that? Or do they come to you and be like, I'm just Hot Mess Express.

And I don't know why Hot Mess Express is the deal. Usually. Usually, like, the work, the tool is alignment. You know, I mean, like what I do, how I put things together and package it is alignment. But, like, this is kind of. You either have nowhere else to go because nothing else traditional is working for you. Right. You're in such a state that it's like fat loss. Have you ever seen fat loss coaches where, like, their sales page says, this is not for High stress individuals. Why? Because traditional fat loss doesn't always work for high stress individuals. Right. And so same here, like if you are high stress. So if you are someone who is already, you know, paying your bills, okay. And you get to take your vacations and stuff, your mind is in a very different state. You are less reactive because you are safe, you are taken care of. When you somehow have built something and you still don't feel safe and it is always like, if I stop this race, everything's going to crumble. That's when you know you need some help. And it's really hard to keep doing all the things and be in this cycle in the hamster wheel and think for yourself. It's like being in a hurricane. If you're in the hurricane, you can't really see what else is going on around you. If I'm standing outside the hurricane watching you, I can do what I have to do to pull you out. Right. It's not chaotic for me.

That is exactly why having a coach and all coaches should have coaches. Because you cannot change what you can not see. And I think that is just so powerful.

Absolutely, yeah, 100%. I mean, it's just. And like surrounding yourself with people too, right. Who are able to do that for you in a way where they can remove their own winning from the picture. I'm a type of person. I don't want anyone to lose anyways. We're going to figure out a way to all win together. But I have an amazing group of people around me and where if I need, you know, if I need their insight on my life, I can trust their insight on my life. Not many people have that, which is, you know, a coach could be that for you. That's super, super important to have at least one person in your life. So you're saying about my clients, most of them are the top of their circle, meaning they're the one person reaching down, pulling everybody up. Nobody is above them, pulling them up too. And that's dangerous. That's not how humans are supposed to operate. We should be a collective of some sort on some level. You are your individual. Your individualism allows others to be individual as well. Their unique self. And that itself creates a beautiful collective. If you can see like this big picture, you can create it with yourself and it just starts to expand.

I love that. So I have two questions.

Always. That's fine. And this.

I'm curious that person because I do resonate with that. I have op. You know, I used to live by that. Like, oh, it's lonely at the top, which is just bullshit. That sense of, like, you know, you can't, you know, you have to just be the, you know, the pillar, and no one's allowed to help you. It's like a sign of weakness, which I don't. Which actually took me a long time to get over that. But I know that that's not true now. So what I. My question is, for someone like me, or if they're anything like me, they're going to reach that threshold of like, oh, no, I've got here, and I still feel awful. Like, what are some of the things that you do with that person to help them kind of break down?

Yeah, I mean, the most important thing is the pause. Like, the pause is. The pause needs to be exaggerated sometimes so that the messages come loud enough. Like, if you were to pause for the next two weeks, anyone listening right now and do nothing, don't fill your calendar up, don't worry about all the things you have to do, you would think, like, oh, I get to be on vacation. I get to be all free. That's not what usually happens to a lot of the people I work with. They get nervous and right away start scheduling and doing all these other things. They can't sit. They can't sit and be still. And that is a really, really big thing to pay attention to. Right. Like, why aren't you able to sit still with yourself? Why don't you have this relationship with yourself? And that's what we have to start building on. Like, okay, and a lot of people do this with, like, inner child work or, you know, the stories that you've created in your head and everything like that. You can start to break those down. And that's a lot of the work that I do to kind of peel away, you know, these set goals, expectations and conditions. Right. These are all restrictive. These are all just, if you think about it, all these things, all the goals that you have, all the expectations you have, if the intention is wrong. So if you are pretty aligned and, like, my goals do not restrict me. My goals just keep expanding. Like, my expectations, I don't know. I really don't care about them anymore. I just go with things and my conditions. We all got to work with conditions. Like women. We got conditions for certain things. And it's important just to know the intention, once again, of that. Right. So if your intention has been external for all these three things, even the breathing on your chest when I say it, goals, oh, my God, I've got to reach my Goals, all these expectations people have of me. I need to text this person back. I need to be there for that person. Man. The conditions. Why is my boyfriend not doing what I'm telling him to do? You know, why is my client doing XYZ instead? It just, like my chest starts to tighten. It's constrictive. So we have to. We have to break free of those. Those are our limitations that we're setting on ourselves. And so it goes from this very constricted world to this world of possibilities. That's all I introduce, is this world of possibilities. And it's not a material thing. Can it. Can it expand into a material thing? Absolutely. But it's really an internal freedom that you get. And when you have that internal freedom and you hit the top, you're not alone and rich and unhappy and bitter, because you actually enjoyed every step of the way there. And you realize there's no top, there's no destination. You get fully engaged into your work in the moment, in the now, and it doesn't matter whether you close the client or not. Are you doing your mission or not? That's all you care about. And when you're there, you don't fail. There's no failing.

That's powerful, you know, which leads to the second part of my question.

That's all I introduce, is this world of possibilities. And it's not a material thing. Can it expand into a material thing? Absolutely. But it's really an internal freedom that you get. And when you have that internal freedom and you hit the top, you're not alone and rich and unhappy and bitter because you actually enjoyed every step of the way.

Which is, you know, because as you were saying it, you know, already my brain, you know, tries to protect you. Yeah, but, Carrie, I've got kids. I can't stands. Blah, blah, blah.

Right.

But really, which is what's really happening, which is leading me to my second question is, and since you work with a lot of high performers, I'm sure this comes up. But it is challenging to quiet that.

Brain there, and you realize there's no top, there's no destination. You get fully engaged to get pause.

Like, in fact, I don't think I can tell you I've ever achieved a moment where my brain has been empty.

Yeah, well, it's not designed to your work in the moment, in the now. And it doesn't matter whether you close a client or not. Are you doing your mission or not? That's all you care about. And when you're there, you don't Fail. There's no failing time to do that. Is it like. It's honestly just there to. Like, your heart is not designed.

That's powerful, you know, and which leads to the second part of my question.

To stop while you're living. You know, like, your organs are supposed to keep going and so the mind. You know, you can spend 20 years in a monastery and try to quiet your mind if you want to. I don't think any of us here are really, you know, maybe besides a few special people that want to do that. Like, great, go do that. You don't have to quiet the mind all the time, which is.

You know, it. Because as you were saying it, you know already my brain, you know, tries to protect you. Yeah, but, Carrie, I've got kids. I can't stands. Blah, blah, blah.

Right?

But really, which is what's really happening, which is leaving my.

You just have to not engage in it. It's gonna be there, right? A lot of us, especially those of us who always have all these ideas and all these opinions about things like, just love to.

My second question is, and since you work with a lot of high performers.

I'm sure this comes up, all this talking. We engage too much with the mind, letting the mind kind of rule us instead of us using the mind as a tool. Okay? So if you. Your soul is constantly listening to your mind, which, you know, is there for survival, which means as long as you listen to it, thriving is not quite the thing. Right. Like, its decisions are more a survival type decision. Going past that bubble, past that world of constriction is a soul thing. Yeah. All right.

But it is challenging to quiet that brain to get Oz. Like, in fact, I don't think I can tell you I've ever achieved a moment where my brain has been empty.

Yeah, well, it's not designed to do that, is it? Like, it's honestly just there. Like, your heart is not designed. Society put those restrictions on you. You're meeting them with the mind. The mind's like, okay, as long if I get outcasted, I might not survive, right? So let's fit in this bubble, this box, and be happy. Make everyone happy. But that limits you. It's not a very fulfilling life when you live that way. And so the soul allows you to break through through that, but you have to put the mind in its place to stop all you're living, you know, like, your organs are supposed to keep going, and so the mind. So you use the mind. The mind does not use you. The mind does not determine. You know you can spend 20 years in a monastery and try to quiet your mind you but you have to make that distinction. How you make that distinction is you want to. I don't think any of us here are really, you know maybe besides a few special people that want to you know the awareness. Why do you brush your teeth the way you do in the morning? Why do you do that? Like great go do that. You don't have to quiet the mind all the time. Your hair the way you do like why did you get this haircut? Why why don't you do makeup? Why do you do makeup? Why do you dress like this? Right so some of my clients they dress like real big and baggy like my fitness clients you know they dress real big and baggy to hide everything but the thing is is that nobody really asked them to do that. That was something they decided to do. You just have to.