Building Confidence

Business Brain, episode 564 for Casual Friday, July 5, National Workaholics Day 2024. Greetings, folks, and welcome to Business Brain, the show where we take an idea or three, we crunch them, we dissect them, we analyze them, we use them to tune our business br, yours, mine, his, hers, everybody's Business Brain together every single episode. Our sponsor this week is fastmail.com businessbrain. That's where you can go to get 30 days for free and then 10% off because you used our link of your first year. So we'll talk more about that in a little bit. It's the email service I use for now. Here in Durham, New Hampshire, I am Dave Hamilton.

And out here in Lafayette, California, I'm Shannon Jean. Happy Friday, man. Hope you had a good fourth by the. When this.

By the time this comes out, I hope you did, too. Yeah, I hope you all did. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I'm looking forward to it. National Workaholic Day. Now, I, you know, that that's an interesting. We should do a show where we dissect the difference between, you know, a workaholic and us, you know, or an entrepreneur. You know what I mean?

I'm not sure there's a difference, Shannon.

No, but workaholic kind of has that negative.

Yes.

You know, negative connotation. But I think if you do it right, you can be a workaholic in a positive way. If, if, you know, we. On Wednesday, we did use this lifestyle business episode that has a lot to do with it, that you're.

Yeah.

You're creating things that make your life better. You're trying to live this charmed life, which Dave reminds us of all the time. And so, you know, I don't know that we might have to reframe that. That.

All right, I'm into that. You know what else needs to be reframed, Shannon?

Tell me, Dan.

LinkedIn. So I have this other business that we've talked about, but nobody knows what it is. And that's great because I can talk freely about it. And a lot of the business has an Android app.

Okay.

Runs through an Android app. We do not yet have an iOS app. And there's various reasons for that, but. But none of them are such that we shouldn't have an iOS app. It's just that we don't have an iOS app. Right. And so sort of the next thing that we're going to do with this business is to whether it sells or not is build an iOS app. And so.

Okay, awesome.

I If you heard the episodes last week, I was a little frustrated with the way the lawyers are going to kill this deal. And it's fine. It's just how it's going to be. Uh, and so I was like, all right, well, this is stupid. I. I'm. I'm tired of sitting on my hands.

Yeah.

I want to find somebody that can help us take.

You still want to build the iOS app no matter what happens?

No matter what. Correct. And it's. It's built in Flutter and a whole thing. And. And the Android app is built in Flutter, which is a cross platform development environment. And so should in theory be easy to, you know, take this and move it to iOS, but we want someone that's familiar with that side of things to sort of handle it for us because we know there's. I mean, I've worked with technology long enough.

Sure.

It's never just press the button and go. It's like, it's not how it's going to work. Right.

Yes.

And so I posted on my various socials, who do I know? Like who of my friends? And there certainly are plenty build iOS apps and understand Flutter. Now I've narrowed it down a little bit and so I posted this on X, I posted it on Facebook. I'm pretty sure I found the person they are a long time.

Nice.

I found them through Facebook and I posted it on LinkedIn. Oh, Shannon, this is exactly the. Now I want to separate what I'm talking about here from LinkedIn Jobs. I've used LinkedIn Jobs to find people and that's awesome. This is LinkedIn, the social media platform. Right. So I did not post this as a job because it wasn't a job posting.

Yeah. It's a. Hey, looking for somebody who is.

Who of my friends does this? I might even just want to pay you for an hour of your time to tell us. Educate your son to educate us. Exactly. Exactly. So this is. I'm looking for a friend that knows these things.

You had some. A lot of new friends, dude, within.

I. I deleted the post after 90 minutes and it was 89 minutes too late. I had my phone ringing, people texting me. Correct. I have no idea. I mean, I know my phone number is not hard to find on the Internet, like all these things, but still 90 minutes and it. Mike. My world cratered and melted down and I'm still getting emails and phone calls from people just from that 90 minute period. This is what LinkedIn is for. I thought LinkedIn would be the best place for me to post this. And it turns out it was the worst. Now, again, I've posted jobs there, like actual job listings, and that works out spectacularly, but they have a major freaking problem if they're going to allow their platform to be used like this. Because I will never do that there again. I mean, I'll post jobs there, but I'll never post anything like that there again. That it was worthless to me. I. I don't want people. I don't know. Like, I made it really clear.

Can you, can you fine tune those posts to only go to the people that perhaps connected? Maybe that's. Maybe that's a perhaps because. I know.

Yeah.

Because, yeah, maybe to maybe fine tune it. But yeah, you have. The thing about that having a big audience is. It's great, but it can also be.

Yes, but. Yeah, but like, you know, on, on Facebook, I got a couple of comments on the post. It was like, no, that. A few that were like, like, I. Then I just deleted. It was fine. I just deleted the comment and it was done. But I didn't. My DMs didn't blow up. My phone didn't start ringing. Like, that was the LinkedIn thing. And it's like, to me, that's the platform where that should work.

I would agree. It seems like it should.

Yeah. So LinkedIn's got a problem.

Tragedy.

Yeah. But it's like, I don't know how they can fix it. I don't know if they're interested in fixing it.

They may have. Yeah, maybe they say, well, you should have posted this in LinkedIn jobs because it's a job, but you're actually just trying to communicate with the people that follow you.

Right, But I don't, I don't want to post it as a job, at least not yet. Like, I wanted to just talk to my friends on LinkedIn and that did not work. It failed spectacular, miserably. This five minutes just that we've just had right now is the most value I've gotten out of that LinkedIn post, and it does not offset the distraction that I also earned from it. So. So, you know, whatever. That's how it goes.

Yeah, that's right.

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Yeah, I, I was driving home from our river place a couple weeks ago and I was thinking about some of the work clients that I'm working with and the underlying stuff that, you know, you're helping with problem solving. It, it's, it's almost like you're trying to condense nine and a half years of this podcast into our call once a week, right. And talk about all the things we've talked about. But what I've noticed over time with some of these folks that get it or picking it up is that they're getting more confident. I can just feel it, I sense it. They're confident talking about things. Whether you're focused on solving a problem with your employees or whether they're talking about where is the growth, the biz dev at. They just even the words that they use. And in my head I'm always looking for these little T shirt quotes. I love to talk about mistakes or tuition and all this kind of stuff. And I was like, I Sell confidence. That's what I'm doing right now. And it got me thinking back to where when I was younger, um, and like, I used to run. Own a landscape construction company, and I had to go to nurseries and do all this kind of stuff. But I. I was young. I looked like I was probably like 14 years old, and I was kind of walking around, not. I didn't really know what was going on. But one thing I noticed was that everybody dressed alike. Everybody wore work boots and maybe a Carhartt jacket, and everybody had like, this clipboard in their hand with all their stuff, their work. Right.

Yeah.

So it. Because what I wanted is I. I wanted to get the. The. The contractor prices, but I wasn't the contractor. I mean, I just. I. I was not. So I wanted the. The deal. But I was young and I didn't know what I was doing, so I didn't. I could. I didn't. Couldn't even think about getting my contractor's license. We did stuff in the summer when I was in college.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I went out and I bought. I. I got a pair of boots. I got a good. A jacket, very similar. And I bought this aluminum binder. I'll never forget. I still have it. One of these binders that. That opens up and you can put papers inside and all this kind of thing. It's aluminum. And I walked in and everybody treated me different, and I felt more confident, and I felt like I was part of the tribe or the group or whatever, and that being confident allowed me to get that discounted pricing. They didn't even ask me.

Yeah, just.

I just talked and said, oh, you know what? I'm looking for these trees. I need this, I need that. And what I want to have a discussion about is how you build that confidence and how you get to be. You can't be arrogant. That's not what I'm talking about. No, but you want to be confident in when you're talking to other people about your business, when you're talking to your employees, and maybe sometimes inside, you don't know, maybe often. But how do you carry yourself where you have that confidence that people want to be around, want to follow?

Yeah. It's interesting. As you were sort of setting this up here, you mentioned that people started using different language, and I think that's both a cause and an effect. Learning the right language to use helps remove. I think we're building confidence. It is two sides of the same coin, of course, two ways to say the same thing. Building confidence Means removing that. Imposter syndrome. Right. Or at least making you comfortable with imposter syndrome. Right. One version or the other.

Understanding it.

Right. Yeah, understanding it. And. Yeah, and really sort of managing imposter syndrome. And part of it is, okay, well, I know that if I walk in there and say the right words or I know if I dress the right way, or I know that if I have my aluminum binder, you know, I'm going to. I know I'm going to be treated differently. And then not only are you carrying the aluminum binder, but you're carrying yourself differently.

Yes, you're.

And. And those kinds of, you know, they're mind hacks if, for lack of anything.

Else, you're more confident and the words you're using, all that stuff.

But that's the thing is it's like you're educating yourself about this. You're educating yourself about appearance, which is important, but also about language, which is equally important. If I go hang out with musicians and, you know, use slang for the way we talk about, like, depending on the types of musicians. If I go hang out with a rock band and I start talking about, well, you know, when, when, when. When there's that tritone that happens there in the third measure that. The third 16th note of the third measure, like that, that's a really interesting thing. And it. It's almost a device that you might think the composer used. If I did that on a theater gig, everybody would be, like, salivating for my next word. If I did that in a rock and roll setting, people would be like, nerd. You know, that would be fine. But it's different, like different language and different scenarios, and that's okay. But learning what language is appropriate in each scenario is the thing that will instill confidence. It's one of the things. It's not the only thing. One of the things.

Yeah, it's like a whole foundation you want to build. And sometimes you want. For me, you want to be confident enough to say a couple things. I don't know. Yes. And I don't know what that is. Tell me what that is. And that for me, took me a long time because I always used to think that, well, I have to have the answer. That makes me more confident. But in reality, you know, you're. No one expects you to know everything, but it's the way you handle it. And you could certainly say, oh, I don't know what that is, but let me do some research and I could come back to you.

Yes.

And you, you, I think the best Way to start is with small, little things that make you more confident.

Yeah. It's.

It's little successes that you have that you can build on during the day and not getting way ahead of yourself, because sometimes I think when you get way ahead, that's when you kind of sound arrogant. Like when I was younger and I had lots of older people working for me, like, most of them.

Yes.

I really had to change my demeanor because I wanted to be confident, but I didn't want them to think that I was cocky.

Yeah.

And that I was. I wanted to be clear that. Hey. That you're going to do what I want you to do.

Yeah.

But I want to say it in a respectful and empathetic way, because if they respect you, it's much better than way better off.

Yes.

You're way better off. Yes. So. So building that. And back to your point on language, the words that you use. And like, if you come to some, you know, one of your employees that's 20 years older than you and you start throwing out slang that. And talking a certain way or using acronyms that they're not. They're like, what. You know, and saying certain things. They're. They're going to look at you like you're crazy. But if, you know, you engage and a lot. Maybe some of it is. Or a lot of it is this pacing and leading concept where you pace the way they're talking also at the rate of speech. Right. I get pretty excited and I start talking quick and just get this done. Okay. You understand? Great. And I walk away.

Yeah.

Well, maybe if you have someone that's either not familiar or different demographic or age group, you have to kind of pace along to them and. But th. The. The small successes makes me more confident, you know, when you. And. And understanding when you're first starting out.

Yeah.

Okay. I'm the underdog here. I'm going to have to. These people are mentoring to me, and so I'm going to respond to them in a certain manner.

Yep.

Not. I don't want to say. Well, I'm gonna say deferential. But you are deferring to their expertise.

There's nothing wrong with being deferential. Yeah.

Yeah. And. And even like.

Yeah.

So I mean it. If. If you're building something and you're working with partners.

Yeah.

And they are. You brought them in because they have some level of expertise. Let them be there and. And defer to them and learn it.

And then truly, like, sincerely learn it. Yeah, yeah.

Learn it so that, you know, down the road. You can use those same acronyms. I mean, I often look up, like, I don't know what is. You know, what is EOS or erp and what does this stand for? I still. All the time stay.

Yeah, of course you can't know. That's. Maybe, maybe this is the key or one of the keys. You can't know everything and everyone knows that.

Yeah, I like that.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, that's right.

That's right. So don't. If you act like you could know everything, that's when people will stop believing you.

Yes.

If you. Oh, yeah, I know that. I know that. Really? How is that? Like, you're either a like, freak of nature in all, like, that guy's a know it all. Like, that doesn't make any sense. Yeah, yeah.

And I think also part of being confident is confident asking questions and phrasing things like a question, because you can still get the same thing, but you get greater engagement from whoever you're trying to, you know.

Yeah.

Influence or persuade or get to do something or, or partner with or whatever it is. Asking those questions in a manner, even if you know down the road what you want out of it, but phrasing it as a question, it gives you some wiggle room.

It totally does.

If you do it right and, you.

Know, you're, you're, you're communicating that you have an, you have ignorance on this, you have a knowledge gap, and that's. But as soon as you do, that.

Frees you and allows them to come in and comment in a way where they feel valuable.

Yes.

And I, I think that that building up that confidence or that part of that is building your confidence. So you could walk into any room, any trade show, any conference, and, you know, pick a topic and I can talk about it. And, you know, related to something obviously you have some experience with. But confidence, like we talked about it when the, a few shows back when you were up there doing a talk and you realized that somebody in the audience knew more about it than you did, but you, you handled it in such a way that you were confident. Okay, great. This, let's engage. Let's do this. Not being threatened.

Right.

A very important part. And, and just carrying yourself with a certain gravitas or, hey, I've achieved these things. And those achievements that you're, you're stacking up to build confidence, they can be tiny.

Yes.

Nobody else knows about it, but in your head you're just like, man, I got up this morning when I wanted to, I exercised when I wanted to. I Jumped. I did the. You know, one great hack is the stuff that's really hanging over your head is to knock it out first, get.

It out of the way first, get.

It out of the way.

Yes.

You feel good about it. The stuff you were struggling with, the phone call you didn't want to make, you got that done by 9am that should make you feel good about yourself. Your confidence level should be high to where, you know, you're like, I'm effective. I'm. I'm impactful.

Yeah.

And the last thing I want to say about it is I think it builds your confidence when you help people. When you are thinking about as part of your framework is how do I make things better for somebody else? Whether it's somebody you hired, whether it's somebody listening to the show, something you posted online, how do you improve their life? It's that law of reciprocity. It's going to come back. Like, when people thank me for sharing some content, something that I know, it seems like just I could figure it out because I've done it for so long. It's like, man. And I respond, I'm like, that's the fuel. That's the energy that keeps me going.

That's it.

Knowing that I'm impacting your life in a positive way.

The feedback that we get from you for doing this show. Like, I've been getting feedback from people for 20 years, doing the podcasts that I do, and that is the fuel. Fuel that keeps me coming back. Sure, I make some money from it. Sure, I've grown some businesses from it. All that stuff's great. But, like, that doesn't happen first. The first thing that happens is the fuel.

Yeah, the fuel. Yeah. And taking action. Little bits and. And recognizing in your head because that's where most people live most of the time. It's like, okay, I've done this, I've done that. Yeah, these are great things to make. I should feel better because I've achieved these things. And you be the judge. You. You decide your own, you know, you define the success of your day, your week, your month.

Yeah, whatever.

Your year. That should be a song and sounds like it is. Yeah. And so anyway, I just thought song.

You could sing for your friends.

There you go. That's perfect. I just thought it was worth recognizing that building confidence is part of building your business, building your charmed life, being confident in whatever you do. It's not related to how much money you make. It's not related to. I mean, that sometimes helps, but it. There's all kinds of other ways to define it to make yourself more confident. Which then starts this flywheel effect of it is.

I love that flywheel effect. I have one. One more little bite sized phrase to share and that is you are the only one who lives in your head, damn it. You're the only. And that's a good thing. You don't want to live in my head. I don't want to live in yours. Like that's. Our heads are weird places. It's fine. But we're the only ones that get to see our thoughts unless we share them. And so that's where all this starts and ends is in our heads.

Yeah. And sometimes you have to physically say get out.

Yes.

To get out of your own head. Get out to start getting stuff done. Get up, walk around, try to change things, get it going. But yeah, I love your thoughts on confidence, how you built up your own confidence. What's the peak where you go over from confidence to confidence, cockiness. That's a great times, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

You got to be aware of that. But feedback at businessbrain show. Love to hear from you.

Yeah. Like he said, feedback at businessbrain show. If that is our fuel, that that's the most important fuel. It's not the only piece of our fuel, but it's the most important one. Keep living that charm life. We will see you next week.