Fueling Your Success with the Tears of Naysayers

The Small business show, episode 318 for Wednesday, March 10, 2021. Greetings, folks, and welcome to the Small Business show here at BusinessShow Co, where small businessing is an action. It is what we do every day. And this show is. Is about small businessing by. For small business owners here in Durham, New Hampshire, I'm Dave Hamilton.

And in Lafayette, California, I'm Shannon Jean. How are you, Dave?

I'm good. If you could follow that intro. More power to you.

There's some verbal gymnastics there.

There were some gymnastics. I feel like maybe I fell and didn't stick the landing, but, you know, better luck next time.

Yeah, good. Yeah, that's right. It's great. So it's always good. Yeah. So, yeah, go ahead.

I know. I was going to say they are. They are not a sponsor. In fact, we don't have a sponsor for this epis. And I am not mentioning them because they were in the past a sponsor. But LinkedIn jobs is fantastic, man. I spent just over 100 bucks and got 50, 60 candidates for this podcast producer position that I was talking about a couple episodes ago. Yep. And I would say of those, about 20 of them are, like, on paper, anyway, realistic candidates that we're going to talk with and, you know, narrow it down from there.

Oh, that's great.

Which is great. Yeah. Yeah.

Glad to hear that. It's always tough to find good people, man.

It is. Yeah, it is. And we've talked with a few people and, like, there's some. If we had to pick from the very small number of people we've talked with, we would have the right person, like, or we would have a right person. Whether we have the best person yet, it's hard to say. Right. That's why you talk to multiples. But.

Yes.

But. Yeah. And so I think. And again, I don't say this because they were a sponsor, but they were and their code still works. So you can save 50 bucks at LinkedIn jobs if you go to LinkedIn.com SBS again, they're not sponsoring this episode, but you can benefit from it.

So happy to mention it. Especially when it works.

That's the key, right? It works. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah.

Very cool. Very cool. I'm excited this week, Dave. I'm going to plug my book for real quick. I was just happy to see my ebay Unlocked book hit number one new release in the entrepreneurship category up on Amazon yesterday.

Congratulations, man. That's awesome.

Very excited. Yeah, it's great. I'm really happy. And like, I posted on LinkedIn I learned so much, much about what is going on with that publishing business, with, you know, those small business pocket guides that we produced here. And I think we're gonna have a new one coming out in the coming months. All about employment and employment.

Yeah.

To seeing that.

Yeah.

Great. It's good stuff. But today we're going to talk about naysayers, the people that are the non believers. Right.

I love the non believers.

I do too. Yeah. Yeah. I talk about them on this show all the time in the, you know, oh, you got to stay away from these people and everything. But you and I were having a conversation via Slack and talking about how those people can really motivate you.

They're my fuel sometimes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I thought it'd be great to do a show and talk about how you use them for fuel and how you kind of maneuver around those folks because sometimes you just can't get rid of them. Right. They're part of your life.

They're part of your life. Yeah. Well, you're, you're, as an entrepreneur, you are always. Quite frankly, I think regardless of what you do for a living, you're gonna run into people that will tell you what they, what they say is you can't do that. Not, not. You're not allowed to, but you will, you will not succeed doing that. What they're saying is, I would not believe that I could succeed doing that. Right. And it's not even that they couldn't succeed, it's that they believe they wouldn't. So.

Right.

You know, it's a lot of projection that goes on there.

Yeah, we're talking about that. And that's a critical thing to understand at the get go, but you know, really, before we take a deep dive into this, is that it is projection.

It.

They're telling you what they think about themselves, not about you. It's. They have nothing to do with.

You see the world through your lens. They see it through their lens. It's, it's not, in a sense, it's not their fault that they see the world this way. I mean, it sort of is. We choose our own path and sometimes it's chosen for us. And you know, but, but it's just how. It's how it goes. You see through things through your lens that I'm. People say, oh man, this guy, no, he's wrong. But, you know, it's like, what are you gonna do?

Well, I, and, and at this, on the, on a similar note, I think that we all have our own risk profile. Right? Yes. Of What Like I, I don't like going on roller coasters because it just scares me to death. But taking big risks in business and rolling the dice, you know, calculated. Of course.

Yes.

Taking, you know, risks there, I have no problem doing that and that scares a lot of other people. So your risk profile, I guarantee, is very different as an entrepreneur than someone that is going to be a naysayer.

That's probably true. I mean, I feel like I am more risk averse than I should be.

But maybe as you get older and have had some success, I think that does happen.

Maybe that's true. Yeah, maybe that's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've noticed that similar. I'm not gonna even try to say it again like that. Like you, as I've gotten a bit older, you know, built up my charmed life, I start thinking a little bit more about, okay, how much can I risk? You know, I can't take wipeout risk anymore. Right. When I was in my 30s, I could. Okay, well if I burn it all to the ground, I just build it back up. But.

Right.

I don't think I want to do that again now that I'm in my 50s.

That's interesting. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. I can see that. I can see that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you know, the type of comments you're going to hear from, you know, folks that are just not the non believers, if you will, you know, the typical that's not going to work one I always love. If it's such a good business idea, why hasn't anyone else done it? That's a favorite.

Yeah.

Another one. You know, maybe you should stay in your lane and focus on one thing because as soon as I started to have success with one company, I wanted to go start another one. Sure. And that kind of freaked people out and it can look kind of flaky, which I hate. But if the, you know, the best revenge is when you start having success with that other business as well. And the one that I really feel, I don't have any tech tattoos, but I feel like I should have this one is the. With a big slash through it is that you should be more realistic. And my advice to everyone is, as you've heard me say more and more is you get to build your own reality.

Yeah.

As a small business owner, you are being realistic. Just yours. That's right.

Yeah.

My reality as an entrepreneur building your charmed life is very, very different from someone that's saying, telling me to be more, more realistic.

Yeah.

So. So I love that one. And you know, the other thing I think it's important is I think those kind of comments tell you something when you start hearing them. I think you're on the right path to doing something that's unique, meaningful, and from the outside, anyway, other people will eventually think is remarkable. Right?

Yeah.

Because it goes against the grain so much, and I think you should really embrace that and kind of wear it like a badge of honor. And, you know, the more people. What is that? There's a Gandhi quote or something that says, you know, first they laugh at you, then they, I don't know, fear you, and then they celebrate you. Right. Eventually.

Yeah.

I think that's really true, and I've seen that. And I would say that if you're not hearing these kind of comments, maybe you're not pushing the envelope far enough.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

Yeah, I love that.

That's good.

That's powerful.

Yeah. Yeah.

And, you know, and then one of the other things is that we did a show just a couple weeks or a few weeks ago all about kind of patting yourself on the back and thinking about your accomplishments because no one else is. We based it on that Elon Musk quote about if you need encouragement, you shouldn't be an entrepreneur.

Yeah. Yeah. So that's right.

Yeah. And I kind of phrased it as, you should shield yourself with success and no matter how small that success is. And I would encourage you to go back to that episode if you missed it. And we talk about that a lot. When you internally recognize your own accomplishments. I find it myself easier to dismiss those kind of negative comments because I know they're not right, and I know that, look, I had a little bit of success. You know, you could, you know, my. I always make the phrase or make the comment when people come to me for help starting a business or they want to sell a product, which is what I know a lot about. It's like, okay, let's figure out how you first can make 100 bucks, make 500 bucks, because if you can get there, you're on your way.

That is one of the best pieces of. I mean, it's advice, but I treated it like a brain hack. When you first said it to me years and years ago, that idea, folks, of, can you figure out how to make $100? Can you figure out how to make $10 doing this? Right? And if you can, then, okay, scale that to 100. Now scale that to a thousand. And it really. It helps to put that in perspective, I think I know that so much of what holds each of us back individually is ourselves, and it comes from our perceptions of the world that we're given growing up and things like that. And if you're. If you want to stay in the same world that you grew up in, that's relatively speaking, easier than breaking into a world that is the next level up or the next level up. And I. I credited for a long time, and it's true, I credited my computer consulting business with me stepping up a few notches. Not because I was paid. I mean, I was paid fairly well as a consultant, but that wasn't enough to step me up. But every single day I was in people's homes who were living lives differently than what I had grown up around. And I grew up. I mean, I was very well taken care of. My parents did a great job and all of that stuff. But you see what you see, and that's normal. And then being exposed and truly being in these people's homes and over time, being in these people's lives, I would go and see the same client, you know, it might be once a month to help them with something, and I'd get to know these people. And in a sense, a few of them mentored me without even knowing it. They were just an influence on me, if you will. And it really makes a difference. Just exposing yourself to those types, to things that are beyond what you would normally see in your, you know, in your normal daily life makes a huge difference for me. I did anyway. But you're. But you sort of. Your phrase about if you can make 100, make a thousand, it's like, oh, right. It's that same sort of thing. It helps to frame that this is doable. It's not impossible. It is, right, because you can do that math. It's very simple. You can do that math up to a million bucks or beyond or 10 million.

Yes, you can.

And it's the same math. It's the same mindset, but it eliminates.

It's a very, very fine meshed filter. Because I can't. I couldn't tell. You count the number of people that have come to me that when I tell them to go do that exercise, they. They have a hard time doing it. Oh, they're maybe good at raising money, maybe good at buying things to resale, which is kind of in my wheelhouse. Yeah, but can you go out, find a little a niche, build a business, you know, kind of a system around it to fulfill and all that kind of stuff? And just start making a little bit of money. And if you can, it's just a great thing to have in your back pocket where you're like, I know this works. Now I'm just going to. On scaling. I know it works.

Yeah, yeah. And what anybody says when we, when we failed at selling our deals on the web business, our website. Part of that failure involved meeting with Alan Meckler, who at the time was CEO of Jupiter Media. He had been, he, he lived in the same area that I grew up in and so I had known people who had worked for him. I knew about his companies, Meckler Media and things like that. But I'd never met him until that day. And it was him and his attorney that I went and met with to negotiate. We had lunch, but it was, you know, I brought our, yours and my Shannon, our list of demands and deal points that we needed. And of course I'm sitting across the table from these two guys that are running a public company. And I was, I felt and was very much outclassed, you know, and I knew that I had to be really careful because these guys are professionals. They do this deal stuff like buying and selling companies all day long. But, you know, we had the meeting and it went fine and we got what we needed out of it, although the deal never wound up happening. And of course I called you the moment I got to the car after lunch and I explained to you a few of the things that these guys did. There was something that came up where they were talking about how they would buy domains, like when they wanted to buy a domain for one of their companies or something. It wouldn't be Alan calling these people. He would have his attorney do it personally and he would do the whole transaction personally. So it never had anything associated with the company or anything like that. So that the price would be a person to person price. And then of course, as soon as he finished, he would transfer the asset into the company's property and the company would reimburse him for it. And all was said and done. It was all good. And I just happened to relay that to you. And you said to me, man, those guys are just like us. They're hustling the same way we do. They're just doing it at a bigger scale. And that was another one of those moments where it was like, oh, I was really glad you weren't there for that meeting so that you had this outside perspective to say, like, dude, they're just like us. Now you may have said that even if you were There, I don't know. But it was one of those moments where I was like, right, they're doing the same thing as us. Yeah, that's a powerful thing.

Yeah, yeah, it is, it is.

Yeah.

And you know, if you can, like, you know, sometimes you can't remove these people, but if you can build this positive support system, you know, it's great. And obviously you want to surround yourself with people to support. You don't want just, yes. People around you telling you how great everything is. But we're talking a little bit more about. Yeah, me too. We'll talk a little bit more of that in a few minutes. But if you can't remove them, if they're close or family or whatever, then I would suggest, suggest you just need to shut up. And until it's obvious what a badass you really are, because it'll just happen by osmosis, you know, don't bring things up, don't talk about it as much. They will bring things up. And you could just kind of let it out a little drips and drabs at a time and oh, yeah, I did this. We're doing this, we're doing that. And they will eventually see that you are going to succeed and oftentimes they'll just flip right into being excited for you. And it brings up another point I was going to make at the end, but this is a good segue is, I think you should. You also need to identify what is genuine concern versus somebody. That's just a naysayer. Right. You have to be objective and you also need to look at who's bringing up what may be an uncomfortable truth about, you know, maybe you do have to move on from some idea, some business, but you can look at their credibility. Have they supported you in the past? Are they always a naysayer? You know, you don't want to turn away, away from all those critical comments and negativity because that's going to make you stronger as well. Right, right. But just don't let it stop you. You could certainly adjust and change and, and pivot or whatever fancy term you want to, to come up with, but you need to assess who's having that conversation with you because you kind of to that comment of being surrounded by people that always say, yes, that's not going to help you either.

No, no, but you're right. Everybody wants to back a winning horse. So as soon as they know that you are that, then, oh, we've supported him all along. We've watched him, you know, which is great. Yep. It's great.

Yeah. And I would. I would suggest that at that point, you should graciously not point out how they didn't, you know, whatever they thought, it wasn't going to work because that doesn't get you. Get you anywhere. Just say, great, that's awesome, man. Thank you.

That's easy for us to say as people who aren't young anymore.

Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know when I was younger by that, I mean, you know, maybe six months ago. And before that, I would definitely point out to these people, yeah, you know, you didn't really support me. Like, that's a bunch of BS people. But you're totally right. It's much better to be. Just keep that stuff to yourself. It doesn't. There's no benefit.

It's just more fuel for you. Right.

That's right.

You just, you know, inside that, hey, you know, this person didn't support me. But now look.

But now look.

And you, you've turned them. You've persuaded them by your actions and the results.

Yep.

And, you know, just a couple more things that I have. You know, one is an issue that I have personally had is when I was getting started out, there were certain people, family members and stuff, that were just not the most positive about it was going to succeed. Family members of my partner, one of my first companies. I think you have to stop looking for affirmation from these people. But it's an easy sentence, but it's very. For me, it was very difficult to do. It's really common to want to please the people that you can't.

Yeah.

You know that they're the most negative in your circle. And you just have to, you know, try to focus and stop that. Just don't do it. Because some of those folks, you're going to turn naturally, like we're just talking about, by your actions. But some of them, you're never going to turn. And that's okay. That's their outlook, their perspective on things. But you have to get away from trying to. To argue the fact or talk about things. It's just not worth it.

It's not worth it. Yeah, I agree.

It's not worth it. So one of the last things I have, Dave, is no matter what happens, you just got to keep focused on building this system. You know, we always talk about, you know, systems. On this show we had. Oh, man, his name's escaped me. The systemology guy from Australia. Anyway, we'll link it in the. In the show notes. He published a book called System Systemology Right.

David Jennings.

That's it.

Episode 275. I'll put it in the show notes. Yep.

Yeah, that's a great episode to listen to. It's a great book. It's. It's all about not focusing on goals for your business, but building, you know, ever improving systems. And you got to think about what you're trying to achieve. Right. And you're trying to build on those small accomplishments every day. That's part of your system.

Yeah.

Don't get sidetracked trying to convince people that you're right or that you're correct. Just do what you believe in, see if it works, shift a bit, change things up when you find things that don't work and just don't get sidetracked by the naysayers.

Yeah, don't get sidetracked by the naysayers. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. But they can really be that fuel if you.

Yeah.

Let them put that chip on your shoulder. Like, and. Because as long as that chip isn't going to weigh you down. Right. Don't let it be distracting, but let it be that thing that, like, okay, I'm going to prove to them. And then once you prove to them, let it go. That's the trap. Right. Because if you don't, that's when that chip wears you down. Right. But, you know, prove to them and then watch them turn and be like, yep, look what I just did there. That's great. I don't need to tell them I just turned them because that would undo all of the hard work that I just did.

Exactly. That's the secret.

That's the secret.

You got to keep it internally. It's like, oh, look at that. And that's your own. Own internal accomplishment. That's something that gets you through, especially when, you know, times are challenging or hard is you, you're thinking, look at I, you know, now I've got this person on her side.

Yeah.

And it's, you know, hopefully you don't have a, A naysayer. Like, really, it's tough if you have one as a spouse or a partner. Yeah, I don't know. I don't have the answer to that one. I, I can remember being in college and we had this class called, like senior Seminars. We were getting ready to get out of school and. And an entrepreneur came in and he talked a lot about, you know, success, failure. And he drew this picture on the, on the white. It was a chalkboard back then. On the whiteboard where he had this line and that one end was A cliff. And he said, okay, as an entrepreneur, you're out here right on the edge of the cliff. Where is your partner? You know, where is your spouse? And he, you know, he's like, in my life, it was way back here, and he drew this picture, you know, picture of a person way, way, way, way back from the cliff. And he's like, it just never worked for me. And, you know, in the end, it just fell apart. So, you know, if you're planning on being an entrepreneur, I hope you have the opportunity to meet someone during that entrepreneur phase that, you know, can help you and help accelerate your, you know, you're building the system of success.

So it's good advice.

It's important.

Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

It's good stuff. We'd love to hear about what you've done to convert naysayers or to, you know, get through when you had. It's, you know, and sometimes it's really not good when it's like your banker or something like that that can cause, you know, additional problems.

If that's the case, you get a new one. There's plenty of bankers out there, right? You don't. You don't need that unless it's. Again, unless it fuels you and you're like, all right, well, this guy is going to see my numbers all the time, and I'm gonna show him. And. And that can really. That can be really powerful. So you gotta use it. You gotta, you know, it. It's. It's that trick of using your ego and. And then putting it away. Right?

Yeah. Ramp it up, ramp it up.

Bring it back down, bring it back down. That's it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But, yeah. Feedbackusinessshow.co. we would love to hear your story, talk about how you've gotten through it. And, you know, I haven't asked for a review for a while. We'd certainly love to get your review. Review of the small business show. Take you about 30 seconds. Go to BusinessShow Co reviews, and that's about as close as we can get you to your podcast app. But go in and leave us a review and let us know what you think.

Yeah, please do. We'd. Yeah, we'd love to have you review. Let us know. Feedback businessshow Co. And keep living that charmed life. That's all I got to say for today.

Yeah, we'll see you next time week.

We'll see you next week. Thanks for listening, folks. Thanks for all the great comments. Thanks for things. Things are. We were looking at the numbers. Things are going up. It's good. It's.

Which.

It seems like we're doing things together here. See you next time.