"I don't want to go to school" - 3 practical strategies to avoid drop-off-drama

I'm not going to school today. You can't make me. Oh yes, you are. You know it's school today and you love it when you are there. I very much doubt that there's a parent out there that hasn't encountered this conversation, made worse by the fact that we need our kids to go to school or nursery or daycare so that we can get to work. In fact, there are days when getting kids out of the door are so stressful that we arrive at work feeling totally drained, having dropped a child off screaming, don't leave me. The thing is, if we don't address this problem carefully, it can damage our relationship with our child, and we might even find that we let our child skip school just to avoid the morning battle. So listen on to today's episode when we are going to look at 3 strategies you probably haven't thought of that make a huge difference to how you handle 'I don't wanna go to school' and how your child responds. I'll also be answering the question of the week. Why is it that my son is fine when his nanny drops him off, but he gets so upset when it's with me? As a parent, you know it's important to have clear boundaries, but you also want to be caring and compassionate, right? Well, I'm Camilla McGill, and as a seasoned parenting coach and mom of 4, I'm excited to give you the principles, tools, and inspiration you need to raise amazing kids. Welcome to Raising Kids with Love and Boundaries. So let's dive in. Firstly, we're going to look at 3 reasons kids resist going to school. So listen carefully because I'm sure you're going to relate this to your child. Number 1 is overwhelm or sensory sensitivity. The hustle and bustle of morning routines and the sensory overload they experience when they get to school— the noise, the the smells, the amount of people there, can be really overwhelming for some children. They won't express it like this, but it can really contribute to their resistance to going to school. As adults, we forget how small and sensitive they are. A lot more is known now about children experiencing sensory overload, and our understanding of it is an important first step. So this brings me on to the second reason that kids resist going to school. They don't like transitions. Moving from one activity to another throws them. We have anticipated the day, we are one step ahead in our thought process, and our kids live in the moment. So for them, they're living in the moment of being cosy at home or even in the car, and they really struggle with getting the idea of getting out of the door, leaving the car, or saying goodbye to us at the school gate. So number 2 is separation anxiety. Many children experience anxiety about being separated from their parents, which can be particularly intense during the morning drop-off. They get a wave of emotion at the idea of being apart from us. It becomes overwhelming to them. So more about how to handle these emotions later on, and listen on for 3 important strategies for having a peaceful drop-off. And I'm also going to be sharing with you the question of the week. So we're talking about how to handle it when our child says, I don't want to go to school. And here is my first tip. Tip 1, this is to help with overwhelm. Create a calm morning environment and start early. Wake up a little earlier to ensure that there is enough time to move through the morning routine without rushing. This is a really tough one. I get it. But test out getting up early yourself and being ready when it's time to get your child ready for school. A calm start can set a really positive tone for the day. I know this feels harsh and you are already exhausted. I just do recommend that you give it a try as it will allow you to arrive at work or wherever you are going, feeling so much calmer. Within this, we want to reduce sensory overload. So keep the morning environment quiet and peaceful. Maybe try some soft music in the background or even some nature sounds. Avoid loud television or radio, which can really add to their sensory overload. Maybe start the morning off with a slow cuddle or reading a book. Again, I know this feels hard, especially if you've got more than one child. But it pays off because it really helps to build those moments of connection with us that reduces their sense of overwhelm. Maybe even a comfort object. Allow your child to bring a small comfort object from home, such as a, you know, favorite toy or even a piece of your clothing with your smell on it, or a small blanket. This gives them that sense of security and familiarity throughout the day. So we're talking about how to handle it when our child says, I don't wanna go to school. And here is my second tip. To help with transitions for kids refusing to go to school, use visual schedules and timers. Now, my clients get access to my task trackers, which are specially designed charts and icons, and I help them create a visual timetable using them. But you can create your own. And this allows you to show your child exactly what the morning routine is in a visual format. It helps them to understand what's happening now and then what's next. And this helps to reduce their anxiety and know what to expect. So I really recommend that you create a visual schedule. You could use a whiteboard that outlines the morning routine. You could include pictures next to each task. As I say, this comes in my task trackers, but just create your own, you know, toothbrush for brushing teeth, a cereal bowl for breakfast, and make it interactive. So allow your child to check off each task as they complete it. This can provide that sense of accomplishment, and it also makes the morning routine more engaging and more predictable. We also need to set Set clear timeframes using timers to allocate specific times for each activity. So maybe set a timetable for 10 minutes for breakfast, 10 minutes for getting dressed, things like that. We can try using a fun piece of music on our phone and that makes it more appealing, or timers that go off with a fun sound. Also prepare the night before, laying out clothes, packing the school bag, preparing lunch the night before. This helps to reduce the morning chaos and gives our kids more time to follow the schedule without feeling rushed. So here is step 3 for helping a child who is refusing to go to school. We need to help with their separation anxiety. And here is my third tip to help with separation anxiety. We want to create a calm and consistent goodbye routine. Kids respond really well to predictability. It makes them feel secure, and they're also sponges for us. So if we are calm, they pick up on it. Now, I know that you are gonna tell me that you would remain calm if your kid didn't scream blue murder about going to school, but stay with me on this. So developing the goodbye routine, work with your child to create a unique and consistent goodbye ritual that's unique for them. This might be a set of actions like a special handshake or a hug or a kiss on each cheek, or a short phrase like, "See you later, alligator," followed by, "In a while, crocodile." My client Hannah and her husband James and I worked together on this. They had been having a nightmare over getting Jessica out of the house. Jessica decided she wanted to say, "I love you to the moon and back," and she wanted one of her parents to say, "I love you to the moon and back and even further," and then give her a squeezy hug and two kisses. It worked really well because Jessica was involved in making that routine. And then practice at home. Practice this routine at home so it becomes second nature. The familiarity and the predictability provides comfort and makes the separation for them less abrupt. Interrupt. We also want to stay positive. We want to keep the mood light and positive during the goodbye. So we have to avoid lengthy farewells, which actually increases ours and our children's anxiety. So really keep it short and sweet and upbeat. Leave with confidence. Children take cues from their parents, and if we appear calm and confident, our children are much more likely to feel secure and reassured. Now, something that helped Hannah and James with their morning routine was following my GREAT method. And good news, this is covered in my free guide, How to Get Your Kids to Listen. You are going to want to get yourself a copy, and you can do that by going to myparentingsolutions.com/justlisten. But listen on as I'm going to cover the question of the week. Why is it that kids are fine if someone else drops them at school, But they're really hard to handle when it's us parents. It's a great question and you'll be interested to know the answer. So before I give you that, I wanna go over the 3 steps that help a child to get to school and us to work without drama. Number 1 is create a calm morning environment and start early. Number 2, use visual schedules and timers. And number 3, Create a calm and consistent goodbye routine. And again, you'll find it really helpful to create these by following the GREAT method in my free guide, How to Get Your Kids to Listen. So go to myparentingsolutions.com/justlisten. Now back to the question of the week. Why is it that kids are fine if someone else drops them at school, but really hard to handle when it's a parent? Children often have stronger attachment bonds with their parents than with their caregivers. In fact, you know, that's a really good thing. And this deeper attachment leads to a more pronounced separation anxiety when it's time for a parent to leave rather than a caregiver. So the child feels safe and more secure with their parent, and the idea of separating for them can be more distressing. So that's it from me today, Camilla McGill. Thank you so much for joining me. Remember to hit follow or subscribe so you will get to be alerted when my next episode of Raising Kids with Love and Boundaries comes out.