Kids on Summer Holidays; Dealing with Meltdowns and Sibling Squabbles (Without Losing It)

Summer holidays usually feel like a real emotional rollercoaster. The kids are fighting more, we're worn out, and all the family moments, the outings, the holidays, the family gatherings that we thought would be full of joy, creating happy family memories, they're suddenly stressful. The kids are behaving badly, we feel embarrassed, irritated, and exhausted. Look, I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer here. There will be lovely times, but I want to give a realistic take on the summer holidays. Holiday often being a misnomer. In this episode, I'm going to help you understand why kids often struggle emotionally during summer and present challenging behavior and give you practical tools to reduce the fights and meltdowns, whether you are at home, traveling, or navigating summer camps.

But first, as a parent, you know it's important to have clear boundaries, but you also want to be caring and compassionate, right? Well, I'm Camilla McGill, and as a seasoned parenting coach and mom of 4, I'm excited to give you the principles, tools, and inspiration you need to raise amazing kids. Welcome to Raising Kids with Love and Boundaries.

I will also be covering a brilliant question from one of my clients asking what to do about rudeness in front of friends or relatives. So stay with me to the end and hear how I recommend that you handle it. Okay, so let's start with why summer is so emotionally charged. As I said, it should feel relaxed, but it often doesn't. So here's why. Routines disappear. There's no school run, there's no fixed structure. We want to loosen up, but then we can give really confusing messages about what our rules and boundaries are. And this is very disorientating for kids who usually really respond well to routines and predictability, to feel secure. So it's just worth thinking about that and thinking maybe there are some rules and boundaries that you need to make clear and need to uphold. If we're actually taking time off work, then they're with us 24/7. And while that can be lovely, it also means more opportunity for bickering, especially between siblings. It's a lot of pressure on us to get everything done: meal prep, entertainment, shopping, organization, responding to messages about outings that we're having, perhaps keeping up with work emails, and we can get very easily distracted. And we tend to react when they do bicker, and we forget to notice when they are actually playing well or they're actually doing what we've asked. Another thing that is really worth recognizing is sensory overload. It often gets overlooked, and some kids are definitely more sensitive to this than others. So if they're going to summer camps, it could be that the whistles hurt their ears. There's chanting and songs being sung. Maybe there's multiple activities all happening at once, all of which can really overwhelm a child who particularly might respond well to quieter environments. You know, they may be dealing with scratchy camp t-shirts, wet swimsuits, or sticky sunscreen. All uncomfortable for kids who are more sensitive to tactile sensations. It can really be a sensory cocktail that can quickly tip them into overload. They may not show the overload at the camp, but they very often show it when we collect them. There's often less downtime, whether we're sightseeing or simply going out of routine. Things like just quiet solo play or rest will often go out the window. We are juggling more. As I said, we know we are trying to juggle work, we are managing childcare, and we're trying to plan things that our kids will enjoy. And we're also hoping for a break ourselves. All this can factor in extra holiday stress. Okay, so just want to come back to summer camps because often parents are relying on them a lot and they do bring their own emotional challenges. We need them to go, we think they're gonna have some fun and learn something, but for them it can feel like another huge change. So it's a new environment, unfamiliar adults, pressure to make friends, and the unspoken sense that it's meant to be fun often feels like a lot of pressure. And even if they are excited, they still might act out from anxiety or overwhelm. So if you are noticing more clinginess, more resistance, more meltdowns around drop-off or pick-up, it's normal. And we can absolutely support our kids through it. I really recommend that you grab that guide to how to get your kids to listen, you go to my website, myparentingsolutions.com/justlisten, because within there's the great method for preparing children for things that they aren't necessarily familiar with or they're resisting. So get that, and I think you find that really useful. Next up, what is really going on behind the behaviour when kids are acting up or out of routine in the holidays? So underneath the surface, when our child is arguing with their sibling more, refusing to get dressed for the day, bursting into tears over seemingly small things, there is often something much deeper going on. And we need to have our radar antennae looking out for things like this. It could be a need for control. Everything feels unpredictable. We haven't explained what's happening or what to expect. They could feel disconnected with us. They sense our stress. They sense our distraction. We are juggling ten balls in the air, trying to keep everyone happy, but without realizing it, they pick up on our stress and they can make our distraction mean, "Mummy doesn't love me," or, "Mummy doesn't care about me." It's not that, but just when we are aware of that, it can help us to perhaps just explain, "I'm just trying to make this phone call so that I can organize the outing." Exhaustion from the stimulation. We forget how tiring lack of routine and new experiences can be. And jealousy, especially if they're constantly having to share space or attention. It's a completely normal emotion that rears up, especially when they're in close proximity to siblings. And they can also feel really jealous of parents showing each other attention. But they don't say, "I'm feeling unsettled by all this change. I feel jealous of the attention that you are showing Daddy. You are distracted and I need you." They show it through defiance, shouting, tears, acting out, rudeness, tantrums, those kind of things. But when we can see it for what it is, a communication of a need, then our response can shift from reacting and criticizing to thinking what's needed here. And very often it's connection that's needed. I really get that this isn't always possible and that I'm just throwing out some tips, and it might be that your situation is unique and you need more help than this. But next up, what we can do to help. Practical tools to help the summer go more smoothly. And here are some different ways to support our child and ourselves through the summer chaos. Reset our expectations. Honestly, let go of the idea that every day needs to be magical and meaningful. There will be meltdowns. There will be fights. Nothing is perfect. And knowing this helps us to be more realistic. And then it also helps us to appreciate the sweet, funny, lovely memories as well. Next up is creating anchors. Introduce some little daily routines, even if we're on holiday away from home or at home. Little morning check-ins, something physical like a hug, a special holiday hug. A little dance together, even just saying in the morning, oh, I'm so happy to see you, I missed you while you were asleep. Snack and rest breaks. Keep the snacks as healthy as we can. It's so easy to let loads and loads of sugary snacks creep in, but I would really recommend trying to include some protein. I mean, something simple like brown bread and peanut butter sandwiches. Factoring in rest breaks if possible. Try not to always make the screen the rest break. I know that isn't always possible, and if you're using it, don't feel guilty. But if you can avoid it and just let them have time looking at a book or possibly sleeping, if your child is still of a nap age. Bedtime cues, even if the time varies, the cue is let's choose a story for bedtime. Maybe say the same goodnight mantra that you would normally use for bedtime. Here's something really useful to notice is the early signs, the early warning signs. When they're whining, when there's extra silliness, when there's resistance, these can be, this is perhaps not when it's gone into full-blown meltdown, but you can see that it's like a storm cloud gathering. Rather than just ignoring or criticizing, which is obviously stop being silly, stop whining. Hmm, looks like something's up. Maybe we need a little bit of quiet time. Let's sit together and have a snack. I get the feeling that you're a bit out of sorts. Shall we take a break and have a cuddle? These are just good ways of communicating it that could be useful for you. Name the emotion and hold the boundary. I can see how upset you are. You are so disappointed because you wanted me to buy the ice cream. We've already had one today, so I'm not buying another. It tells our child that it's okay to be upset and disappointed, and that we still need to hold the boundaries, even if they've got these kind of emotions. Staying steady in public. Now, whether you're seeing a fight brew in the playground, or we're managing a meltdown at Grandma's house, if we're calm, it's just so much more helpful for our child. Now you might be thinking, Camilla, I just cannot stay calm. My child pushes my buttons so much. I just hope that you're going to take one or two ideas from today, and please consider contacting me about getting my full support in my coaching package. But we might try to say something like, we're having a hard moment. We need to step away and come back when we're ready. Where possible, remove the child from the eyes of others. When we are having struggles with siblings on holidays, supporting sibling dynamics is going to be your friend. So when siblings are constantly together, the conflict is inevitable. But I'd like you to think about this. Think about shifting from the referee who will hand out the yellow card or the red card or the punishment, Shifting from that to the coach, you both want that toy. What do you think is going to be a good solution here? So we're coaching them, we're not coming to the decision. We're staying neutral, we're not blaming, we're not setting one off against each other, sending one to their room, deciding on who gets to play with the toy. And we may encourage repair. So, you know, maybe set them a little task to do together, Or maybe one shares a favourite toy with the other. And if we can have 10 minutes a day on our own with each child, if that's possible. So I'm coming back now to the question of the week that came from one of my clients. When we're staying with family, my child can be so rude and bolshy. They refuse to try the food and they've told me I'm stupid in front of people. I feel so judged and embarrassed. Who hasn't been there? I mean, really, this is just so common, and I want you to know that it's normal. Our kids are reacting to all the changes, and we're reacting to the social pressure to have well-behaved kids around others. So my advice would be to manage expectations with our child in advance. If we know that they're going to dislike the food, we can say, if Auntie Jenny gives you something that you don't like, What could you say to it? Let's practise that. The more prepared our child is, the easier they're going to find it in the moment. And things like, I'd noticed that when you're upset, you can use words that I do not want to be called, like idiot. I am happy for you to keep those words inside your head. And you can also tell me that you're frustrated or annoyed, like I'm cross with you. I don't want to be called an idiot. Again, I recommend grabbing my great method, which is found in my guide at myparentingsolutions.com/justlisten. Grab it because it shows you how to prepare kids ahead of time for things that they find difficult. In the moment, if they have called you an idiot, I would also practice this ahead because it is a real button pusher. But we can say something like, you are upset with me, which is why you just said that. You forgot to keep those words inside your head. We're going to step aside and have a chat. Again, you might be thinking, Camilla, you haven't seen my child. If I say that, they go from 0 to 60 so fast and the whole thing spirals. This podcast can really only go so far. There are so many nuances, which is why clients choose to work with me privately. See the show notes on how to do that because you would get so many tools. So now I'm going to summarize today with a quick recap. Remember, summer often brings emotional intensity. It's not a sign of failure. It's normal. Manage expectations, yours and your children's. Understanding what's underneath the behavior will help us respond with empathy rather than jumping to punishment, shaming, or criticism. Little routines and choices and validating emotions can make a huge difference. Sibling fights and jealousy are all part of the picture, but remember, be the coach, not the referee. And working on having a calm presence is just so much more powerful than any perfect holiday plan or expecting perfect moment after perfect moment. Our calmness has a huge influence on them. So if you found this useful, please remember to follow the podcast, and if you're watching on YouTube, remember to hit subscribe, and then you'll be the first to know when the next episode drops in 2 weeks' time. So do grab your free guide, grab a call with me if you'd like, a free discovery call. You've got this, and thank you for listening to Raising Kids with Love and Boundaries with me, Camilla McGill.