A short talk by Chad Silverstein proposing a practice called "seven good minutes": couples (or teammates) take turns spending seven minutes each asking curious, uninterrupted questions to better know one another. The idea originated from watching ESPN's "Pardon the Interruption" five-minute interview segment and responds to a cited statistic that the average American married couple talks only 14 minutes per day. The speaker outlines practical rules (start with a simple question, listen, follow up) and frames the practice with neuroscience: three ways to "juice" the brain are flow (deep work), reading challenging books, and being lost in meaningful conversation; regular seven-minute conversations can boost presence and neural engagement.
Questions this video answers
June 21, 2024
14 minutes per day
Chapters
The idea of seven good minutes came in the funniest moment for me. I'm watching ESPN and I'm watching pti, which stands for Pardon the Interruption. It's just kind of funny that that was where I got this idea, uninterrupted curiosity from a show that's called Pardon the Interruption. And they have a segment in this show on ESPN where these two guys bring on a third party, coach an athlete, some stud, and they have five good minutes where for five minutes all the two of them do just interview him. All they do is ask him curious questions or whatever they want to know about this person. And they have a clock going in the background. Five minutes. And I was watching this going, five good minutes. I like that. And I just read a book which says the average American married couple talks for 14 minutes a day. So I'm like, well, that's not five good minutes, that's 14. And I'm like, seven good minutes. What we'll do is we'll do the 14 that the American couple on average talk. We'll break it down into seven good minutes where for seven minutes I just want to be curious about you, my loved one, knowing that in seven minutes you're going to be curious about me. And so it's going to be like a fair exchange. Like I'm not going to just pour myself into you. I will. I know you, but you don't know me. And so we were going to go both directions. The way you do it, just start with whatever you're curious about. One question that I truly wanted to learn about you, make it one question. That's something I want to learn about you. But that wouldn't be intrusive. That would not put you on your heels. It would be a question that would be like a layup, not a three pointer. So you start with something easy. And then whatever you offer me, there'll be plenty more. So just relax, ask the question, free your brain from thinking ahead. Listen to what derp or whomever your target is. What do they tell you? And then have them tell you more. I ask you first thing I do in worship, like it's the very first time that they've done sub degraded men. It's like a new team. I'll just say, please write down how did it feel? And the overwhelming thing is freaking unbelievable. We get overwhelmed with busyness, just like married couples do. And we just think most seven minutes between married couples is about, hey, I'm busy. I know you've been busy. So I need to figure out how we're going to get all this done between now and dinner time. And it's not about, like, getting to know you. There's three ways, according to all the latest neuroscience, for you to juice your brain. One is if you want to get into flow, which is the state of optimal performance for your brain flow. When you're just, like, doing your work and you're not thinking about anything, you're just lost in it, your brain is firing on all cylinders, if you will. So if you love your work and if you get lost in it, time just is gone. That juices your brain, so that builds neural networks, as we know that you now, if you find yourself in flow doing your work, the brain is going to enhance that performance. Number two, if I had a really good book that I was reading right now, and I was lost in the book because I'm learning stuff that I care about learning, it's feeding my brain, and I'm like, mastering my craft through reading this book. All the right chemicals go into my brain and I'll start to retain a lot more of that book learning because my brain is juice. So reading a really good, rich, meaningful, challenging book that feeds you in a way you want to be fed juices your brain. Second way, you know the third way, being lost in a conversation with someone you love. And so when you get practice, seven good minutes, where you're really starting to be understood by a teammate, or you're really starting to understand a teammate, your brain goes, this is freaking magic. So I know one knows the time. Whenever you ask how long you think you've gone, they never know. They never know. And they never notice that I always cheat. You know, I always do almost double on one of them. It's very difficult to find flow in your work because you have to love it. Most people don't love their work. Most people, their work enables them for something else they love, like their family or a hobby. Most places out in the world of work, they don't sit there and go, I'm in flow. At work, they get into seven good minutes and experience flow. But when they go back to the phones, their brain is still juiced. So they're actually now going to be better when they go back to their job. Same thing if they read a book at home that is juicing their brain, they're going to be better with their family. They'll be more present. Their brain will be like, oh, this is good. It's just hysterical how really basic and simple it is.
