Chad Silverstein explains how asking better questions transforms leadership and relationships. He describes the Seven Good Minutes exercise his group uses to practice follow-up questions, and argues that great conversationalists listen to understand, not to win the argument.
Chapters
When I started getting coached in 2010, my builder came into my office, and he told me to go get a book called Change youe Questions, Change youe Life. You know, it's one of those. We call these books Candy because you can eat them up in, like, two days. And I did. I read the book in a couple days, and it was incredible. And it was simple. It was, change your questions, change your life. If you reframe the way you ask your questions. And Bill Talib, we talk about being insatiably curious. The great leaders are curious, and they are asking questions to better understand, right? They want to understand. They're not trying to prove a point. They're not trying to, you know, lead the witness. They're not trying to, you know, get someone to see something that they want them to see. They're really trying to understand why you believe what you believe, or coming from your perspective, or they're trying to expand their perspective on a situation. Because when you can change your perspective, you change your life. So not only can you change your questions to change your life, you can change your perspective to change your life. And that's an incredible quality that, you know, you can use to your advantage to grow. And the best questions, they come from just kind of sitting back and losing yourself in someone else. This is the way to become a great conversationalist. Most people I know, if you're not a salesperson, you hate networking. You hate being in a public place where you got to do a lot of the small talk. And. Or maybe this is just something I hate doing. I don't know. But I do know that the way to be a great conversationalist is to ask great questions and get other people talking about themselves. It's not rocket science. People love talking about themselves. You know, it's interesting when you have a conversation with someone, if you just were like a fly on the wall watching two people talk, what you'll see is one person says something, and instead of the other person acknowledging and responding to what the person said, they. They start talking about their experience. You know, they hear someone say something, and they can relate to it, and then they start talking about themselves. In Built Elite, we do this exercise called Seven Good Minutes. And the exercise is pouring yourself into another by asking them curious questions. And whatever the person says, your next question kind of feeds off whatever they said. And we don't let people kind of take it inward. You don't realize you're doing it because you're unconsciously doing it, but you do it. And unless you are deliberate about asking good questions and then responding to what the person said. You're not doing it. And you really have to tap into that because it's a nuance, but it's such a big nuance. And the best ideas, creativity, these are like, you know, essential for, like, your curiosity will get the best of you so that you could ask something that you didn't know, that you really want to understand. You learn it, and. And it changes your mindset. I can't tell you how many times I've been in, you know, whether you call it a mastermind group or a practice with people or around the table. And I learn something new and I completely shift my mindset, and it completely changes the way I take action on whatever it is I'm doing. And that is life changing, especially for entrepreneurs and leaders who have the ability to make changes in their systems, on their teams. You make one decision and your whole company can shift. And, and that can come from a conversation where your curiosity got the best of you. It doesn't make a difference if you're interviewing someone, if you're with a new client, if you're with your son or your daughter, your spouse, build the discipline to ask great questions, be curious. And you just got to do it. You got to want to do it.
