Tom Ryan, Ohio State's wrestling coach, distinguishes between chosen and unchosen suffering as paths to growth. He uses recruits and his own journey from Hofstra to Ohio State to show how thinking you've arrived stops you from changing. Ryan also reflects on finding spirituality later in life and the pressure of elite athletics.
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They think they've got it, and that's a dangerous place to be. I'll use a wrestling analogy. Anyone that's come to the Ohio State wrestling program and they believe they've arrived, you're in trouble. Like, that's the beginning of the end. I'm saying, like, you won four state titles and I made it to Ohio State, and my whole dream's been a wrestler at Ohio State. You've never arrived. You have moments in time where, hey, we can celebrate this in your life, but there's always a chance for improvement. There's endless learning.
I'll never forget when I was in the room and you had met a recruit who was really good, but then you looked at me and said, he won't make it. He won't even be on the team. And I remember thinking, wow, like, you hear these kids who have these state championships under their belt and just knowing how hard it is to be a state champ, let alone make Ohio State.
Until he changes and looks inside. So I think, you know, why, for me, did I wait until I was 36 years old to discover whether there's a God or not? Like, truly be able to say that beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is a God? I was raised in a home where there was you were to believe in a God, but I wouldn't have bet my life on it. So what was it that all these people that came to me and said, you should look deeper, I just wasn't ready to look. My life was going well, but I just wasn't ready to look. So why is it that it just wasn't fertile? And what is it that makes people fertile? Sometimes it's deep suffering.
And how much of it do you think you could say? A little bit of an arrogance side. And that they think that they have nothing to learn and they already know, but also the lack of identity and that they don't know who they are and they don't want to face it, because to get punched in the face in front of your team, which, ironically, is the way to build the trust that leads to performance.
Right. It is interesting. I mean, you don't know. You don't know, and you don't even see it. You're blind to it.
Right.
And I think in those situations, often, I mean, I don't know how you could come to a deeper understanding of yourself when you're not even aware of yourself until something hits you. And I think that's probably the most frequent way I know it was for me. I talk a lot about chosen and unchosen suffering. Two types. And I think they're both critically important. And I think most of us at one time or another will experience both.
The storm is coming.
The storm's coming.
Time. T.R. is now.
You know, when I was at Hofstra for 11 years, coaching at a wonderful institution out in the east coast, they gave me my first chance at being a head coach. I was young, but as soon as I came here, you know, because you wear the blocko, there's a bigger sense of you have a greater idea. If you have something more to say or your wisdom, which is greater because of the logo.
Right.
You know, and it's just interesting. We'll put a tag on someone and declare them to be. But expertise of some sort, and they have no idea who they are.
And I hear you say that, and I hear that's a target.
Yeah.
Because you know, as well as I know, especially in a big system, you can make one mistake and they'll kill you.
Absolutely.
You know, and it's seen it.
I've seen it time and time again at Ohio State. Some of my good friends, you know.
