Chad Silverstein (YouTube, June 3, 2024) reflects on leadership as connecting through effective communication—primarily listening, curiosity, and focused presence. He emphasizes seeking to understand (cites Stephen Covey), practicing a routine called "seven good minutes" to improve relationships and team dynamics, and using open, follow-up questions to draw others out, especially in networking and with loved ones.
Chapters
Leaders are connectors. And leaders are very good at being able to articulate and communicate and listen. There's a time to speak, there's a time to listen, and you got to get your ratios right. And only you know your personality best, that you can determine when it's appropriate to keep your mouth closed or when you need to inject whatever it is that you're thinking. It's amazing when you watch people talk, how much of the conversation continually goes inward. Every time someone says something, another person will, will relate it to something that they can relate to because they want to be heard. And so, you know, we've said before that Stephen Covey teaches, you know, you want to seek to understand before seeking to be understood. And there is something so crazy powerful in making people feel like they're the only thing that matters when you're in the midst of a conversation with them and to truly connect with them through your body language. And it's just amazing today when you talk to people, how many people can't even hold eye contact, they can't stop, but the fidgeting, they can't sit still. And I think we're just distracted. And people just have a tendency to not be able to keep their focus and attention on one thing or they just generally don't care. So I think it does start with deeply caring about wanting to connect with another human being. This is why we practice seven good minutes and practice all the time. People loved it because they never did it. They never did it. They never took time to actually just be with someone and then focus one way. And, and if you want to improve your relationships at home with your kids or your spouse, you play seven good minutes without them even knowing it. And trust me, things will get better. There's no question. People have an inherent desire to be understood. And I think it's not that hard to just listen. You just have to know how to be curious. A lot of times people don't know how to be curious. They overthink that part of it when they're playing seven good minutes and you gotta just soft up some, toss up some easy layups just to get someone talking. You want to be careful to stay away from answers that will give you a yes or a no. You want to hear things based on you being able to say, tell me more, help me understand that what were you thinking? And so a lot of times the curiosity comes as the follow up question. And you have to practice it. You have to practice it and it's something you can do without anyone, even knowing. They always say when you're in a networking situation, if you want to be known as a good conversationalist, you just get people talking about themselves. Most people like to talk about themselves. It's a fact. So all you got to do is ask a few questions. The next thing you know, they're blabbing on and you just keep asking some follow ups without making it kind of feel weird. And trust me, you know, by the time that conversation's over, they're gonna feel like they love talking to you. And meanwhile, you didn't say anything because people want to be heard. So give people that gift and especially your loved ones, your teammates. Practice this and try to catch yourself when you're in the midst of a conversation and you're turning conversations back to you so you can tell them what you're thinking. It's a bad habit. Make sure you respond to people when they speak. Let them know that they were heard. Even if you're going to say something as a follow up practice this. Seven good minutes is gold. It's an amazing, amazing tool that we used for over a decade with our team practices. Definitely a favorite.
