Chad Silverstein explains the leadership principle "Model the way" (lead by example), emphasizing that leaders must demonstrate behaviors rather than only talk about them. He connects this to his "Built to Lead" framework (word choice, self-talk, and clear principles), stresses soliciting candid feedback repeatedly until trust builds, and warns leaders to avoid reacting with the "Triple D" (Defend, Deny, Destroy) when criticized. He recommends recruiting trusted truth-tellers/builders to illuminate blind spots and practicing gradual vulnerability to grow as a leader.
Chapters
A lot of people will hear lead by example. It's the conventional wisdom that we hear all day long, lead by example. But you know what? You have to. If you're going to be a leader, you got to do it. Model the way is just a different way of Chet's spin on the words. Words matter. In Built to Lead, we say it all the time. You know how you talk to yourself, the words you use, the names you call yourself, all these little nuances. It's all part of the framework of not only build to lead, but of leadership in general. And if you're going to lead anything, you have to make sure you know how to model the way. Show people how to get the job done. They remember seeing things and how it made them feel versus the words that you're going to use. You'll learn this later is one of the nuances in Built to Lead. There's a Gallup poll and there's some numbers behind that that kind of speak to it. But model the Way is a principle. And whether you adopt a principle like this on your own or not doesn't matter. The point is, is that you're seeing an example of one that he uses, and we're challenging you to get clear on which one you're using. And if you're a leader, you need to have certain principles that allow you to hold yourself accountable to are you living that way? Are you living it out? When people say that? This is how you show up when you lead. And so make sure that you're either 1, 2, 3. Your third principle is one that you know people feel from you. And you would know this by getting feedback from them. And if you haven't, then you need to go ask them for feedback and ask them those hard questions and be ready to hear maybe what you don't want to hear. And remember that if you ask, you got to ask a thousand times, because if they don't have trust, they're not going to tell you anything. Remember, if you're leading anything, you're lied to more than anyone. You're the last to find out about things. And it's normal. People are scared. People aren't going to want to hit you with something even if you ask for it, because they don't want to hurt your feelings. But you keep asking over and over and over, and eventually you'll get what you're asking for. And you got to be careful not to triple dm. The triple D is the defend, deny, destroy what you hear. And if you do that, they're never going to come back and tell you anything. So you got to keep your mouth shut, get some feedback. And if you've rinsed out your principles and you haven't shared this with the community or with an individual that you're either working with or someone that you can trust that can give you some feedback, then you're losing out. Because getting a different perspective and having people illuminate your blind spots is really where the growth. The growth is. You know, we talk about this all the time. You know the difference between your perception versus having a perspective? Your perception is how you see things. It's how you see your. Your principles. And that's fine how you see it. But if everyone else is experiencing you and they have a different perspective, you should probably know about that. I'd say it's pretty important. And so you want to have a builder, you want to have a truth teller. You want to have someone in your life that can illuminate what you can't see, help reframe the way you look at things. And when you do that, it's powerful. You could change your perspective, change your life. You should be doing that with everything you're thinking about. How else can I objectively look at things myself, My writing? And it's amazing what comes from that. You have to put yourself out there and try it, though. Some people struggle with that. Some people are really open, transparent, vulnerable, and you just gotta know yourself and just go for it a little bit. And if it's not your tendency, lean into it slowly a little bit and see what happens. It's usually not as bad as you think it is.
