A short spoken piece by Chad Silverstein distinguishing 'demanding' respect (seeking it via authority) from 'commanding' respect (earning it through how you treat others). Silverstein advises leaders to show respect—through recognition, trust, authenticity, and clear communication—to earn reciprocal respect and effective followership.
Chapters
There are people who demand respect, and there are people who command respect. And if you want to know which camp someone is in, all you have to do is look at how they treat other people. And there are a lot of different ways that you can show people how you respect them. And it's not always about doing something for them. It's about finding ways to catch them doing good things and recognizing their achievements without overdoing it. It may be some little nuance that you choose to do for them because you know who they are on a deeper level than just more of a transactional relationship. It may be the kind words that you say about them in front of your team or in front of other people to make them know that they're being valued. It's recognizing them for who they really are and for things that they do that make a difference in other people's lives. It might be the way that you present yourself when you're with them. Again, there are many different ways you can do that. But if you really think about some people who demand respect and why they demand it because they think they're in this position of authority, it's the opposite result that they usually get, which is people who can't stand them and people who don't want to do anything with them or for them. And if you're going to lead and you're going to lead anything successfully, you have to command respect based on being who you are, knowing what you believe, aiming at something that is very clear, that everybody knows what it is, and you're able to avoid sending mixed messages, and you'll be able to pick up those micro messages that you get from the people that you're leading so that you can kind of fight off some of the rumors or some of the confusion that's caused when you're leading any cause for anything. If you want to command respect, then you have to respect other people. And nothing can be more important than respecting the people that are working for you. If you're the head of a system, whether that's the brand new employee that just started or a veteran who's been with you for 20 years, showing them respect first, extending trust, being kind, being generous, being real, raw, authentic and genuine, sincere is a way that you can earn people's respect. So you have to ask yourself, do you demand respect from the people around you or do you command it?
