Chad Silverstein explains that effective leadership requires balancing toughness and tenderness while, crucially, applying the right timing. Leaders must read their audience, know teammates' sensitivities and life stages, and choose when to push or to support. He emphasizes spending time to understand people, asking for feedback, and being willing to repair relationships when tough words land poorly.
Chapters
So at Build2Lead, we talk about leaders being tough and tender, and we always say it's a lot harder, you know, for someone who's tough to become tender. A lot easier for someone who's got that warm heart. Just, they have to learn how to get a little tougher and call people out and tell people the truth. But like everything in leadership, there's nuances to everything. And one of the ones I learned yesterday at a team practice was that there is tough and there's tender, and there's also timing and being one way and knowing who you are and not making excuses for it is a great way to live your life. But when it makes other people feel uncomfortable and you're in a position of authority or you're in a position of influence leading other people, you have to be able to read your audience. You have to be able to know the people on your team. You have to spend time with them to get to know them. And there are some people who react really good to you being tough on them. You know, sometimes they just need you to kick them in the ass. And then there's a lot of times where people don't need that, and it could actually put them in a dark place. And you have to be able to read people to be able to know that. So timing has a lot to do with the nuances of being a leader and knowing who and knowing when and knowing how you want to get the best out of the people that you're working with. And even if you're not a leader and you're just a teammate, this is the same. Same gig. So on a lot of sports teams, you have a lot of people who kind of go at people and they challenge them. And a lot of that has to do with what they believe. They believe that, you know, they could just say what they want to say and get tough on them and give them a hard time. And there are some individuals who are a bit hypersensitive, and they'll take it the wrong way. So you have to be able to know and read when someone needs you to come alongside and put your arm around them and pick them up. And then there's times where you're going to have to kind of lay into them a little bit. And I think you have to be able to take a little bit of a chance, but you also have to become a master repairman. And you got to know when you've either crossed the line or you need to kind of repair whatever it is you said. Because if someone takes something the wrong way. The worst situation is for you to not even know that you did it. And then meanwhile they're harboring these hard feelings at you and you put them in a worse place. So you can easily say, you know, someone's got to just not take things so personal and they have to, you know, get a little bit more thicker skin. But you don't know. You know, there are some people who, you know, they don't want the tough love. And as a leader, that is part of becoming a great leader is knowing who you're coaching, knowing who you're leading, knowing who you're challenging. And to also understand that people come in at different times, at different places in their life. And if you have a bunch of veterans who are always used to being tough on each other, but you got a bunch of freshmen coming in the door, a bunch of new employees that just started, you have to understand that to them, you know, if they've never seen anything like that, if they've ever seen a culture where people are going at it and they trust each other and they've never even had that level of trust, you know, you could put someone into shock and really scare people away from it. And, you know, you can easily say if they're not the right person, you know, then you'd rather not have them. But some people, it takes time to adjust to that. And you need to make sure that you are self aware of your tendencies for how you challenge your teammates and how people take you. And it's by asking for feedback. And hopefully you'll have some people who will tell you the truth. Most people won't. And if you do, you're blessed. But you do have to pay attention if you're a leader, if you're a high performer, how you make other people feel has a lot to do with the success and the influence that you're going to have on individuals and ultimately the results that you're going to get from them. So tough, tender, and don't forget, timing has a lot to do with how successful and how effective you're going to be as a leader.
