A short YouTube monologue (with brief prompts) in which Speaker A reflects on gratitude, forgiveness, vulnerability, and the urgency of making amends. The speaker recounts caregiving for their father during terminal pancreatic cancer, the reconciliation they achieved before his death (no regrets), and urges listeners to forgive family and let go of ego. A minor exchange with Speaker B touches on the speaker's parents' divorce when the speaker was a teenager.
Questions this video answers
June 22, 2025
About 74 years old (speaker said '73. 74.')
Around 16 years old (speaker also alternately said 15)
Chapters
I just have the utmost gratitude to be able to just be here with you in this moment, breathing healthy, to have a career. I just have gratitude because I know that I'm here on borrowed time. This is not my time. This is God's time. And I believe that we have to.
Not take time for granted.
We cannot take time for granted if we have opportunities to right certain wrongs. To make that phone call to that person that you may have hurt, or to tell that family member, friend, cousin, uncle, mother, father, while they're alive and breathing, to say, I forgive you, or I'm sorry and I'd like to see you. You may not want to see me, but I just want you to know that I forgive or I'm sorry if I hurt you. I love you. I'm sorry that I wasn't the best version of myself. And if there's anything I can do to try to make this thing right, I'm here to work with you. And I'd love to sit down and talk. So many people, the ego. You know, they say ego is edging God out. Edging God out and being uncomfortable to be vulnerable. People don't understand that there's strength and vulnerability. There's strength and vulnerability. Some of the best performances come with people who are comfortable in their own skin, and they can just tell the truth.
And knowing that you're not gonna be ridiculed or criticized for being open and honest and vulnerable. Cause the world we live in, it teaches you to be tough, not to show emotion. And it's all good. Don't worry about it. Whatever it is what it is. Nah. Because you're still lingering with that pain inside because you didn't make amends. And the way that my father died was so beautiful. Even though he died from pancreatic cancer. But I was with him every moment of almost every day. Took him to every appointment that I could, was at his bedside. He dwindled down to, like, 98 pounds. But I didn't see his size. I saw his spirit. I saw the blessings that he gave me, the strength.
I'm so grateful for the challenges. I'm so grateful for the fights that I had. Because before he was dying, we were making amends. And I forgive you, Dad. I forgive you, son. And I love you. It feels so good to forgive. I wish more people would just let go because life is so short. He died at 74 years old. 73. 74. But, man, like, the last couple of years, he was my best friend. We talk just to forgive and try to create Experiences together. And when he died, it was a beautiful thing because I had no regrets. There was nothing that I would not have done for him. I did everything you could imagine. Someone that can't control their bowels. I did everything with no ill intention. That was my friend. That was my best bottom. That was my dog. So I try to tell my friends that have fathers and mothers, man, let that shit go. If you got some problems and issues and they piss you off, forgive. Because once they're gone, you can't get that time back. You're going to be left with that inside of you that you didn't say those last words. You didn't try to clear your spirits, cleanse your soul by letting them know how you feel. If they don't want to listen, you at least tried. But so many people don't have the courage to just try.
And you just see generational trauma, passing of ego, being afraid to be vulnerable. If you're a vulnerable man, it is the best therapy in the world. So I didn't have to go to a counselor. I get lost in the books and learning about vulnerability and being comfortable with saying, I'm sorry. I tried my best. I love you, Dad. I hope I made you proud. And he's on his dying, dying moment. He's looking at me like, I love you, son. And I swear to God, man, I held him so tight.
Took his last breath, and, man, he just smelled. He smelled like a baby. It was the most incredible thing to see him transition. His eyes open and closed his mouth, closed his eyes, hugged him, kissed him. But then I'm like, God took him home and he's in no more pain. But he knows that. He gave me the. The discipline, the perseverance. He gave me the character to be the best version of myself. I have no excuse not to win because with all of the challenges he went through as a kid, I didn't have to go through that. I didn't have to go through that. And he sacrificed. He was a good man. Miss him to death. And I just try to help my friends, man. If y' all got issues with your family and friends that you had fights with, that meant a lot to you, just say you're sorry. So can we just work this thing out? Be vulnerable. Doesn't make you weak. What is.
What is the thing you had to let go?
Was it the divorce?
It was hard. The divorce with my mom.
How old were you when they got divorced?
I was 16. 16 or 7. I was about. No, 4, maybe 15 years old.
The best age for a divorce to happen.
No, it was hard. I rebelled for a minute. That was really hard. That wasn't easy. And then accepting my mom, she started dating. She never got remarried, but she was dating this guy. But he was really a nice guy. And I was such a prick to him in the beginning, but then I started liking him. Mr. Jesse, God bless him, he passed away, too.
But that's hard.
But you know something?
I've just learned to let go and not blame. Don't blame. Just accept things. And try not to repeat that cycle in your own life.
