Books That Changed My Life: Jenna Johnson & Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It

When did this book come into your Life?

This was 2016. I had just gone through a big breakup. I wasn't where I wanted to be in my career, and in this moment, I felt the most darkness I had ever experienced as maybe a woman, but also a dancer. I grew up 247 in front of a mirror, so the way I always looked at myself or thought about myself was constantly with critiques.

I don't know why that made me want to cry. Just barely. Oh, my gosh.

How does the version of you that is a critic dance different than the version of you that loves yourself?

I think.

Welcome to the Syndicate X Library, where we love books and we love talking about books that have changed people's lives. Today we have a guest. Her name is Jenna Johnson. She's an Emmy winner, choreographer, and the reigning champion of Dancing with the Stars. The book that she's here to talk about today is Love yourself like your life depends on it.

Hey, what do you think of the library?

It's amazing. I, like, want to do a visual in here, like a dance visual. Can you imagine?

Oh, no. But now I can.

Yeah.

Never thought of that. That's funny that that's what you.

Oh, automatically, immediately, I was like, the aisles.

Would you jump on tables?

Of course.

Pop out of the bookshelves, like, come on.

Can you tell that, like, I have a problem with books?

I think you could have a lot worse problems.

So this is on my house, just the stacks.

It's amazing.

And I'm always like, I'm gonna take those in. And then now we're at a room here, so it's like, no, it's. We're getting another building. Is that your copy?

It is.

Can I see it?

For sure.

So you learn so much about a person by.

Do you. Oh, my gosh.

Oh. So you underline and market. So you're not a highlighter?

No, I think it's a texture thing. Like, highlighters make me cringe inside, like, this.

Does it feel like fingernails on a chalkboard?

Yeah, it's really a texture thing. I can't do it. Also, if it's like, I just can't do it.

So you're boxing.

Like, boxings are like sections that, like underlining are, like, direct things that I need to remember that, like, really hit me.

Are you. Are you super competitive?

Unfortunately, yes.

Were you that kid that had to.

Yes. I just. I don't. It's always been inside of me. I love competition.

Did you always get picked first?

Not always, no. But it was a driving force to Be picked first.

And were you always a reader?

No, no. This is a new. I feel like I'm a virgin reader as of, like, the past couple this past year, and I've absolutely fallen in love with it.

So was this the first book that you dug into?

I've read books. I read them growing up in schools and everything.

Yeah, Well, I mean, I was assigned books to read, but I didn't enjoy it.

Yes. And this was the first book that I ever, like, fell in love with the concept of reading, and it was the one that I continued to read over and over again. But then this past year, I just was so over social media, and I wanted my mind to just dive into its imagination. And so I ended up reading 24 books this past year. Well, the past five months. And it's become my new obsession.

24?

Yeah. And I just love it.

What has been the process? Like, you just take them everywhere you go or do you have, like, a place you read?

I travel a lot, so airplanes, hotel rooms. But now it's like, my little personal time. So I'm a mom, I have a kid, and once he goes to bed, it's like, okay, I get to dive into my book. The gym, they just go with me everywhere.

Are you listening at the gym or reading? So, like, on a treadmill or.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

I'll, like, walk. I'm a psychopath. I walk for, like, an hour a day, and I cannot listen to things. It doesn't compute. It does not compute or translate for me, like, visually. I have to read it and absorb it. So that's why physical books have just become, like, a thing for me. I love them.

That's fun. 24 and five months is impressive.

Thank you.

Have you read any of those twice?

No.

No.

Other than this. This one I have read multiple times.

Would you say three times or how many times?

I would say four times. This. So when I found out I was going to be on this and thinking about which book impacted me, this one has been just, like, the most consistent, obviously. And I wanted to reorder it because I couldn't find my original copy. And so I reordered it. And it's been so fun to go back. I don't think I read this for, like, maybe three years, three or four years now. And rereading it was just such a treat and reminded me, like, oh, my gosh. Yeah, this really is a book that changed my life.

What were the other candidates?

Do you. Do you want me to be honest?

Yeah. No, lie to me.

Like, it's like stupid trash romance novels that I just love.

Of the 24, how many are trashy romance novels?

Most of them.

Have you ever met Fabio?

No, I haven't. Will you introduce me?

Do you really want to be introduced to him?

Maybe not.

He's super nice.

Okay.

Super down to super nice. So he was at a party. There was a Halloween party.

Okay.

I'm from Seattle.

Okay.

I'm a big Seattle Seahawks fan.

Okay.

He was dressed up like D.K. metcalf.

Okay.

Because I guess he met D.K. metcalf and D.K. sent him the out. I don't know. That part was a little. But I approached him because I'm a Seahawks fan. And then, you know, we talked for a while, and I have. I actually have a picture of that, but show me that. I always think Fabio when I think romance novels. He's kind of the king.

That's.

Are those the kind you like? Like those?

I love romance novels and, like, thriller, crime, suspenseful. Yeah. I love murder. Psychopath.

What does that mean?

What does that mean about me?

Do you want to murder or you just. What is it about murder?

I don't want to murder. If I weren't a dancer. I'm a dancer, by the way. Professional dancer. That's what I do for a living. If I weren't a dancer, I wanted to be a forensic anthropologist. I love the human body. I love putting clues together. Like, that was.

So you got a dead body and I got to work backwards?

Yes.

So how did we get here?

Solve the mystery.

Yeah.

You know, so I think that's why those books kind of speak to me.

Do you like those kind of TV shows?

Yes.

Yeah.

It's either baking shows or murder investigations are, like, right up my alley.

You know, I can see the.

My husband thinks I have an issue.

So where did you grow up?

I grew up in Utah. I was actually born in California. My dad's work took us to Utah. And then when I was 18, I moved back to LA, and I've been here ever since. So 12 years almost.

What did that do?

He is an orthopedic surgeon. He just retired, actually. So he was in the medical field. He had a chance to open his own practice there, so we went there.

And mom.

My mom is Wonder Woman. She has six kids. And while my dad was going through residency, medical school, all of that, she was raising us. So she's also the performer in the family. That's where we all get, like, artistic expression, if you will. So she was a singer. She was in a rock Band, she plays tennis. She's just like MILF energy, you know?

Where. Where are you in the order of kids?

Five.

You're five? So not the baby?

I was supposed to be the baby.

What is the baby like? Are you bitter?

I was for like 14 years of his life.

His life?

Yeah. I was so rude.

Would you pick on him?

I was terrible. And now he is my favorite human.

Oh, thank you.

What did you order?

I just some tea, coffee.

Thank you, baby.

Thank you so much. I love your pants.

So you picked. You picked on him?

Yeah, I was terrible, but I get it.

Like, that makes perfect sense.

I was treated like the baby for five years.

And he was so cute. So I didn't have a chance. I didn't stand a chance.

Are you the only one that's the performer?

I have two older sisters that also danced, so we were kind of just like a dancing family. A dance and family. But I'm the only one that pursued it and tried to go that professional route.

So would you say you take after your mom?

Yes, I'm very emotional, driven and expressive like she is. But I do feel like I am pretty observant like my father. He's very, like, methodical and very logical. I'm not that always, but I can be very observant and like, take scenarios for face value. And he's just very.

Would you say that you have common sense? How does face value compare to common sense?

So opposite of me. He is not emotionally driven, but he can determine situations and like, put them in compartments of how we separate, like what. What's happening and how we need to go through this. And I feel like once I've gone through my emotional disaster, I can then go through and be like, okay, I need to do A, B, C, D and go from there. But I have to have like an emotional melodramatic meltdown first and then I can do it the logical way.

Does mom stay in the emotional?

Yes.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Yeah.

So you got a little bit of something from both.

He is definitely, for me, has always been one of the smartest people I've ever met. I don't even compare to him. Like, he would be the person. He would wake up at 5am and read. Just read books. And I was so inspired by that. He would read medical books and always trying to, like, better himself. And I never was that person. Like, you know, I just always was the artistic side and everything. So I've always been inspired by his wisdom.

Does he give good advice?

The best.

That's good.

Yeah, he's a great dad.

So do you think having that many siblings is what made you competitive?

For sure.

Like the year competing for attention.

Maybe not attention, but all of us were involved in heavily extracurricular activities. So we were always in sports or dance. There was always a competition, and we all were pretty good at what we did. So I almost feel like it motivated each one of us to want to be at that level. You know.

I never felt like I was fighting for attention, though, if that makes sense. Like, yeah, in regards to being a sibling with them, but they were just always spectacular at what they did, and I couldn't be the freaking ugly duckling. Just like, do you feel like that.

Gave you an unfair advantage when you started competing with strangers? Like, they had no idea what they were in for.

He had no idea. I was like, siblings, man.

She's like, she's taking this seriously.

Um, no, but I just always feel like hard work was instilled in our family at a very young age. And I appreciate that. My parents did that.

That's an advantage because that isn't a common thing. I know you got good parents. It's pretty cool. So at what age was dance the thing? Like, when did you know?

I started dancing when I was three, but I think I seriously wanted to pursue it as a career. When I was maybe age 15, 16, I understood that it was the most important thing to me. And I think dance matures you at a young age. It just does. There's like a level of discipline, certain situations that you're put in. I was also partner dancing, so I was really comfortable in people's space. I think at that time also, certain shows started to pop off that dance was highlighted as a career. It wasn't just like, oh, you can express yourself this way. But I think that's when I was like, oh, I want to pursue this. And I started doing, like, half days of high school, and then I would get elective credits. By dancing, I could prove that I was doing like, six to eight hours a day of dance, you know? So they took it seriously, and I took it seriously. And I was really motivated to. To be the best.

And so from then on, you never really second guessed it. That was it.

Now, looking back, it's kind of sad for me to say, but the only thing I wanted to do was dance. I never was interested, really in trying other sports or things because I knew I was so passionate about this one thing.

Why do you say he's sad?

Because I'm like, oh, man, I wish I would have Gone to my high school prom or like, wanted to go to football games or wanted to try soccer one time, but I just never did. I was like, no, I want to be a professional dancer. I want to go to rehearsal for six hours. I want to practice extra. You know, that was my mindset at a very young age.

I mean, this is just an observation on, on my part is that people that are kind of obsessed with something at a young age and have some sort of success eventually end up having pretty high self esteem and, you know, they live better lives than people that don't have something like that. Yeah, I could see that you're getting approval in an area where you're putting in a lot of work, which is the right kind of trade for equity. Instead of like, I don't know, showing your ass on Instagram and getting approval. I'm not, not trying to, you know, be like so simple, but there's sweat equity put into the approval that you're getting and then that builds real confidence because you have a real thing.

I was always motivated, which I think in this day and age too, it's really hard for this generation to be motivated about something.

Why do you think that is? Help me figure this out. Let's figure this out for the country right now.

I wish we could in one sitting, honestly, to help everyone. I think social media is a big part. It's easy to get lost in other people's things and just do this. Like it's so hard to put your phone down, stand up and do something, like be motivated and passionate about that. And it's so frustrating to see because I have a love hate relationship with social media. Oh my gosh. But yeah, I don't know what it is, but I wish that, that we could fix it. I mean, what do you think, what do you think it is that the lack of motivation.

I think that it's kind of what we were saying is like, we're not sticking to one thing. It's like everybody wants the easy button or the get rid. Like, yeah, you got to put in the work and then you learn about yourself in the work.

Yeah.

Social media is this thing where people are like traveling and doing all this cool stuff all the time and you, you get caught up in comparing yourself.

Then what?

Yeah, like comparing yourself is never the answer when you're young.

Yeah.

Focusing on what you can control is usually a better path than what you're good at and figuring yourself out.

My dad actually gave us this quote growing up all the time, but comparison is the thief of joy. It just really is. And that's something that's always been for me, like, when I've been my lowest, I am obsessed with what others are accomplishing and not focusing on what I can do and, like, what my worth is. So I. I agree.

Yeah. And probably the times where you grew the most or learned the most about yourself, you were just working.

Yeah.

Like you. Or had defeat, like, had the blinders.

On experience, all of that.

You know, it's interesting. So I had a. A friend on that, did a photography book. And he's a photographer. Great. Super talented. And he was. He kind of like, brought up this, you know, his feeling about social media and how social media is ruining photography. And I'd never thought about it, but he's like, people are just. And so he's like, you don't spend time on one picture anymore because it's just gonna fly by. It's more about volume than quality. And I was like, oh, yeah. Because, you know, I have a ton of photography books. It's a. You know, it's an incredible art. Yeah. Instagram's kind of ruining that.

Yeah. It's quantity over quality, for sure.

I don't know. Somewhere in there, there's something.

It's a different time for sure. What's something about dance competitions that would surprise most people?

The amount of spray tan.

You know, I just grew up in a spray tan constantly. And it's part of your armor. Like, it's part of the costume. It just is. Yeah. The amount of gel and hairspray and spray tans that it's kind of like.

Like bodybuilder events.

Yeah.

And. Yeah. Beauty contest.

Part of what it is.

Did you ever, like, have a moment where you thought maybe I should get a real tan and, like, I'm spend the summer?

Let me be honest with you. Right now, I have a spray tan on. I live by them. I'm part vampire. I'm terrified of the sun. You would not believe it, but I am one of the most pale people you will ever meet. Naturally. But I'm so scared of the sun for so many reasons. It's terrible for your skin, all the stuff. So I've just gone spray tan. And how nice is that? I protect my skin. I'm not getting dark spots. Don't want skin cancer.

You just take the vitamin D. Yeah.

Well, I'll, like, do a little sunlight in the morning.

But not direct.

No.

You'll catch me with a spray tan before I'm ever burning. Well, I just sizzle as well. I Just am like a lobster if I sit on the sun.

Can anybody dance?

Yes. I'm going to say yes. Are they good dancers? Not always, but literally my job is to take somebody who is not a dancer and give them the tools and try to transform them into a dancer. Do I think everybody has rhythm? Absolutely not. No. Some people just naturally hear music and have that like, musicality in them. Some people just don't. So I can do my best and make you. I don't know if you're a dancer. I'm just using you as an example. But I could make you a surface level dancer in an hour.

In an hour?

Yeah. I could teach you how to dip me and like maybe do a little cha cha cha, a little basic salsa. Now whether you execute it like a dancer and feel it like a mover is one thing, but I think anybody can dance.

Your husband is incredible. Like, I watched some videos in preparation for this and I, I couldn't believe how. I mean, you're incredible too. But it's more expected. It's not as expected from him.

Yeah, he is nuts. Next level.

Yeah. Like, what is that? Like, was he like you? Like, he wanted to dance from the time he was really young?

No. So he actually grew up in Ukraine and in Europe in general. Dance or like cotillion is what you do for etiquette. So like your parents will put you into dance or whatever to learn like discipline and how to hold yourself and how to like handle a woman or whatever. So his parents just put him in that, like an after school program. And he never was like, oh, I want to be a dancer. He's a competitor. He loves competition. He would love to be a basketball player, but he's 5 10, you know, and that's just not in the cards for him. But he used dance as like dance sport. For him it is a sport. And I think that's what you see. That's so, so next level about him. It's a full body experience. And I've never like, we have this term in dance called marking, you know, where you like kind of do it maybe like 25, 50%, not the full 100. I've never in my whole entire life seen him mark. It's just not in his body. He has to do the whole thing full out every single time. And I think that's what makes him so exquisite.

Yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's an art form.

Thanks. Yeah.

And also like watching him, you would think, okay, well maybe I could do a little like, I can learn to dance a little. Like, probably not true.

If you were here, he'd probably stand you up and he'd dip you himself. Like, he'd. He'd be all over it.

That'd be scary.

So what would your. What would your top five books be? This. Would this be one or two?

It's gonna be one.

Okay. And then what would two be?

I have to throw out the Hunger Games. I haven't read, though, that series since I was, you know, in high school, growing up. And those were just next level. I really feel like they were magical books. Then I'm gonna go. I'm really obsessed with this author, Anna Wong, right now. She writes some frisky romance novels, and she's just great. Like, really good. She's got a good formula going on. So I love her books.

What do you mean by frisky? Like X rated.

She gets spicy, but it's not like. It's not like 50 shades of gray where you're like, okay, like, the chains and the whips and the feathers, like, I just can't do this. It's like realistic scenarios that you can put yourself into. But she's just. She's really great at writing.

I also, you know the Colleen Hoover books? Those are great. Oh, I just read the Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. Have you read that?

No.

It's really beautiful. It's about this upcoming actress trying to make it in Hollywood and her whole tale of how she made it and she had seven husbands. And it's amazing. It's not really a romance novel, I would say. I mean, it is, but it's not. It's just like a really beautiful story.

Seven husbands.

Seven husbands, yeah.

That's nuts. Is it a true story?

No. Oh, you never know out here. But yeah, I know.

I have friends that have had five wives. I think five is the most I know of.

Oh, wow. Wow.

And also, those guys are always the ones that will give me relationship advice.

Oh, no, no, no. Don't take it from them.

They'll say, like, well, I know because I've messed it up.

No, it's actually a really beautiful story. And her real. It's like. It's a journalist trying to figure out who the love of her life was. She's, like, interviewing her and she's getting the full story of this actress's life, and she finds out that the one true love was this woman and she was not allowed to be with her. And it was just a really beautiful story about love.

Oh. And so then that kind of makes Sense.

Yeah.

So then she bounced around, but it was never right.

No.

What's funny? Like, when you ask like, an old couple that's been made for like 50 years, you're like, what's the key to long marriage? And they're always like, well, it's work. I mean, it's not one thing.

No. You have to constantly work on it.

Yeah. Like, yeah, this is what it is. It's funny. What. What is your favorite kind of music to dance to?

Oh, man.

Like, everything in life I have, I am polar opposite. I either love like a nasty Latin anthem that just has percussion and beats and rhythms and it's like in Spanish and probably filthy dirty and just so good. Like, such a vibe. And then the emotional artist inside of me loves those depressing, raw, emotion driven songs where the lyrics just, like, smell slice your heart in half. And for me to choreograph too, that's always my favorite because I feel like I can drive from personal experiences and. And make that into the movement. But if I just, like, want to get down and have fun, like a Bad Bunny banger, will. Will do it for me.

Bad Bunny's the best. What do you think of Bad Bunny's new album?

Obsessed?

It's pretty great. Yeah. I'm not a big bad bull.

You should translate it.

Yeah. There was one song that I did because I was just curious, but it's a. It's an amazing piece of work.

Yeah. And that's why I loved when he hosted snl. He was like, you know, I can do it in English, I can have sex in English, I can rap and like. But his Spanish stuff, I mean, it's great.

So when did this book come into your life? Like, describe the scenario. Where were you at? How are you feeling?

So this was 2016. I was newly single. I had just gone through a big breakup.

How long were you with the person?

On and off for a couple of years. It's actually my husband, so we would wait.

You got back together?

Oh, yeah.

What caused this breakup life?

We were just in two different places. And looking back now, it was the best thing for me. I would not change that breakup for a second. But in the. In the. At the time, it was really, really hard. And I think, first of all, I didn't know how to live by myself. I loved being with somebody because I wanted to love them and to put them on a pedestal, but I never knew how to do that for myself. So when I was in this breakup, you know, in kind of by myself in la, trying to figure out who I was. I wasn't where I wanted to be in my career.

So where were you in your career?

I was on Dancing with the Stars, but I was on this thing called troop, so I hadn't been made a professional yet where I was given a celebrity partner. I was on this troop group, if you will, and I was just desperate to be a pro. And I just felt like I was stuck. I was in the cycle and I wasn't going anywhere.

And do they pay you to do that?

Yeah.

So you're kind of like there if you get picked.

But yeah, I was still on my dream job, but I wanted that next step of being a professional. Like I wanted to, to do that. That, that was my goal, that was my dream. So I just kind of felt stuck in that aspect. But also I just didn't know who I was out here. Kind of back to that comparison thing. I was trying desperately to be other people because I thought that's what would take me to the next level, you know, or make me be appreciated or valued. But I just didn't know who I was. And I felt like my whole childhood I'd been told I was bright, I had light to me. And in this moment I felt the most darkness I had ever experienced. I just felt dull as a human. I didn't feel like I had light or positivity. I was so hard on myself just in this downward spiral. Okay. And I think the first time I had really experienced depression. And this was before I had entered the therapy chat and found a great therapist. But I was just trying to find something to help me get out of this rut. So at first I was like, you know, let me listen to some audiobooks, some self help audiobooks. So I'd be in the car listening to them and my just add I couldn't grasp the concept. And then they would be talking about intrusive thoughts. And the voice was so monotone and I was like, this is not a human. It just didn't relate to me or touch me or impact me in the way that I needed it to. So I was just so over it. Nothing was working. And so finally I was like, you know what? I need a book. I need to dive in. I need to read paper pages. I'm a visual learner. So no joke, I just went on Google and I said, best help books, self help books. And this was one of the most rated ones. And I was like, okay, let's do it. So I ordered it. And you know, it's funny, there's Been a rebrand of this book. And after I just recently ordered it, and it's probably for the best, but the art on the book, and I think the artist in me, the visual, like, learner of me, was so impacted by it. It was a guy, and he was holding a gun to his head, and it said, love yourself, like your life depends on it. And I was like, honestly, this is what I need right now. So I ordered it.

That is a big move from this Banksy graffiti.

Yes, it was still this, but the silhouette was like a gun to the head.

I like that more, for sure.

Gets the message to use faster, I think. And so I ordered it, and I read it so fast. The simplicity of the message was just powerful. You know, it wasn't this big thing that we had to dissect and navigate through. It was just like, love yourself. You know, look at yourself in the mirror, repeat, love yourself until you actually believe it. And I was like, I can try this. This sounds so stupid and silly, but, like, let's give it a try. And so I did, and I made the vow that he made to himself. And I was just so mesmerized at how my life was shifting. And it wasn't like, all of a sudden, these things were dropping into my lap, you know, and. But little shifts ultimately changed my life. It started internally with, like, how I approached life, the way that I was standing, how I spoke to myself in my head, then how I approached other people, how I spoke about other people, how I navigated work scenarios. And it was crazy. Like, things started to align for me. Things started to shift. I was asked to be a pro. I realized that I didn't need to be in a relationship to be happy. I was fine being independent, and I felt value in that. And so it was just such a pivotal moment for me. And whether it was, like, the shifts of life or whatever, I really feel like this concept helped me.

The timing was perfect.

The timing was perfect, and I really needed it.

How would you describe the style of the writing in this book?

So it's interesting, after I just recently reordered it, the original book is only this first section, the Vow.

Oh, really?

So. And he writes in this. Actually, he said six years after he wrote the book, people had messaged him and were like, well, now we need real life scenarios of how we take this into everyday life and how we apply this. And so he went back and he wrote the manual and the lesson, which weren't a part of the first initial book. So it's been such a Treat for me to read the, reread the first part, but then go through these. I love these, like little prompts that he gives you to like meditate with and then he gives you his like, mistake in life and how he got through that after.

So that makes sense because he's. He's going through analogies of his own life.

And that wasn't in the first initial book that I. Or the first version that I had read. It was just the vow, basically. And it was interesting, but it was such an easy read. Yeah, I loved it.

So he kind of, in the beginning he's saying like he hit a breaking point and then he comes up with this vow. And the vow is this day I vow to myself to love myself, to treat myself as someone I love truly and deeply in my thoughts, my actions, the choices I make, the experiences I have. Every moment I am conscious, I make the decision to love myself.

So simple.

How did you feel before that? Like, what was that in your head before that?

Here's the thing, as maybe a woman, but also a dancer, I grew up 247 in front of a mirror. So the way I viewed myself was always with critique followed, if that makes sense, you know. So the way I looked in the mirror, certain in dance it's all about visual. So if lines were wrong, oh, that's incorrect, fix that. So the way I always looked at myself or thought about myself was constantly with critique. And so I kind of had to like, once I read this. And he kind of also goes into it with the mirror section as well. But I had to rewire the way that I was talking to myself. And also being a competitive person, you know, I was just terrible. Like, if I wasn't achieving these things, I was so hard on myself with weight. Body image was a huge thing for me as well. And I think this really helped me to see that my body was my tool instead of my worst enemy. So I just felt like all of these things were how I had viewed myself. I was so negative, always a worrier in my brain. Just like, if I didn't accomplish my goal for the day or like do a task, I was just like beating myself up. And so when I read this, I was like, you know, I love making commitments fitness wise or financially or whatever it is. Why can't I make this commitment to try this, to love myself? So I decided, okay, I'm gonna do this. Let me write it down. Let me agree to myself to do this and follow through.

How does the version of you that is a critic dance different than the version of you that loves yourself. What's the difference in the way you express your art?

I think I'm motivated by choreography through fear. When I'm in the critic mindset.

So how does that look?

It's always like, oh, is this good enough? Is this section gonna be as impactful? Are they gonna do a better dance than this? This section isn't. I'm not gonna get a 10. Or, you know, this isn't gonna get me Emmy nominated. Instead of being like, when I'm fully just in love with the artist that I am and appreciate, appreciative of the gift that I have, it's created straight from my heart and my emotion. And that's when I feel like I always have the most magical dances or products, and I feel like I'm a better teacher. I communicate better to my student or to my partner. And it's more just out of, like, this euphoric creative process than the stress and fear of, is this good enough? Always questioning myself.

Do you feel like you're more connected to yourself, to the true version of yourself?

When I am in love with myself, yes.

It's more. Is it more authentic?

It's authentic. I don't have this. I just gotta be free. I just gotta dance. Like, you know, it's. It's a really beautiful feeling again. I think we need healthy competition. I think we need that, like, healthy, not negative, but, like, motivating factor behind us, pushing us. But you have to have moderation.

So then he says, why love?

I love this.

Why not? I love.