A short, comedic monologue in which the speaker (Christian) recounts visiting a fish store looking for a low-commitment goldfish, noting the surprising variety of goldfish/koi and a pushy store employee who asks many questions—culminating in the employee asking about an aquarium (prompting the speaker’s deadpan remark about not caring about the fish’s zodiac). The piece ends with the speaker leaving.
I got into the fish section and I'm like, okay, well maybe I just want a goldfish. Like something low maintenance and like low commitment. And if it dies, it's not that big a deal. So you wouldn't believe how many different kinds of goldfish there are. Like, there are goldfish that are gold, there are goldfish that are white. You have koi fish, you have like a whole bunch of different stuff. So this dude starts following me, I guess he works there and he's like asking me all these questions about like, my fish identification needs. So the he, he asked me tons of questions. I think I answered him and then like the last straw, like, it's so California. He's like, are you going to need an aquarium? And I'm like, really? I don't care what the zodiac sign of the fish is. And I left.
That took a while.
