E.A. Hanks talks about redefining friendships after major life changes: therapy, their mother's death, healing from artistic block, finishing a book. New romantic partners start fresh, but old friendships built on who you used to be become harder to renegotiate. Some require letting go.
The moment I said, I love you, mom, but I'm letting go. I met a person of incredible worth and honor and dignity. And it was so clear from our first interactions that this was.
What I had been hoping for the whole time. The romantic connection is, I think, easiest for most people to understand because we all have a concept of the romance that we would like in our lives. But at the same time, I was saying to my oldest friends and my newer friends, like, we need a new blueprint because you have known me since before I finished this, but I've done this now, and I'm not the same, so this can't be the same. And it was much harder with older friends than it was meeting my partner, because my partners only knows me post this book right or in the middle of it, kind of like wrapping it up. Whereas my older, oldest friends have known me since before I started therapy, since before I finally buried my mother, since before I was able to heal from artistic block, and since before I was able to finish the book. So they know an EA that is still playing out the patterns of codependency that they.
Didn'T benefit from, but were.
Deeply familiar with in the way that I could show up for them and not ask anything in return because that was so similar to my mother. And it wasn't about pleasing them. It wasn't about being a people pleaser, but it was about being a people protector, which is very different things. And I think that the combination of sort of saying to the people that have known me for a long time, I love our relationship and I want to keep it, but I need you to relate to me in a different way because I'm not the same person anymore because I got better and there's been resolution. And that's going to be evident in how we treat each other now. And I'm really grateful to say that all of my friends knew exactly what I was talking about and were able to kind of change with me almost rooting for it. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. And that's. They wanted you to be the best version. Yeah. And that's love, right? Yeah. It's beautiful. Yeah. That's great. I picked some good ones.
