Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos & Unicorns...Why I Pay Diamond to Read Me the Dirty Business News

Diamond.

Hi, Chris.

How are you doing? Where's the intro?

Oh, I'm doing so good. How are you?

Great.

Well, I wanted to. Oh, I still can't. We're gonna fix that dirty business news.

Thank you. Do you consider my me your, like, fetish valentine, or are there a lot of people. Are there a lot of people working for that?

Well, when it comes to fetishes, you definitely take the cake. Can't deny that one. But I wanted to let you know about a little Valentine's Day special we're having over here at the call center. And that's a very, very special Valentine's Day price of only 10.99aminute this week. Or you can choose the three on one special.

What? What's that?

It's honestly, whatever you want it to be.

Like you have two other. Two other girls there that'll read me the news.

Well, you know, I'm not gonna lie. I kind of wanted to keep that all to myself.

You're not saying you want me to pull these hairy dudes here in the room on with us, are you?

Well, if you wanted to be my valentine, that would make me super happy.

Oh, that's dirty. That's too dirty. I have to go home.

Not as dirty as these headlines, Chris.

Oh, good. So let's. Let's let everybody listening know that my fetish, my sexual fetish is not cbt.

Or what do you call it when people are smart? So what was it?

Sapiosexual.

Sapiosexual. That's not. That's definitely not it. Not feet. But what it is is that I like my news fair and balanced. So diamond, in a very sultry, sexy way, reads us the business news. And so what is our first piece of news this week?

All right, so I take it you're going to go for the 1099 Valentine's Day special?

Yes. Whatever you want to do.

Okay, let me put that in. Okay, great. Okay, here we go. Big Daddy. SpaceX launch Starman trackers warn Elon Musk's Tesla Roadster will crash into Earth. Elon Musk Tesla Roadster and its Starman pilot risk crashing into the Earth. Astronomers have warned as the SpaceX launch marks its first first anniversary.

Okay, I like how you read that.

Well, it had been a year, and I'm going to tell you the truth, Chris. I thought that whole thing was a hoax. Is that real? That thing? That person dropped flying with no, like, proof on their head?

Diamond, are you a conspiracy theorist?

I mean, I just like to think outside of the box. I can't imagine a astronaut with no freaking hood on his car or top on his car flying out all around in outer space.

So I think what Elon did is he put a Tesla on the tip of that thing. So there's like a car on it. Or his first Tesla. I think that he built a little odd looking roadster that actually was like.

It was a, I don't know, some car that he, he used the frame for. But he has like a little, he put in a doll or something on there, like. Right. A little plastic. It's either a mannequin or something. Yeah, or a dead body. And he killed someone.

I thought they were trying to say that that whole thing was real.

No, but, but that's, it's interesting. So do you believe 911 didn't happen?

Well, no, it happened. Absolutely.

Okay.

Behind it, I can't see.

Do you believe that there was more than one shooter in the JFK assassination?

Absolutely.

Really?

And Mandalay Bay?

What's Mandalay Bay?

The Vegas shooting. Oh, tell me you don't know. See, that's one of my fetishes, Chris. Going down the rabbit hole. Deeper and deeper and deeper.

I like it.

Conspiracy theories.

Are you ready for your next headline? Yeah, well, you know, I just, I just like to question everything, really. Okay, ready? The National Enquirer versus Jeff Bezos. Ooh, I like that. I think that's the Spanish word for kissing. Legal experts break down what's at stake in battle between the world's wealthiest man. Oh, yeah, that's getting me going. And a supermarket tabloid.

That's funny. I, I, I am very proud of him, how he handled that. But I was reading an article that it says like something like 60 of people have sexts. Like it's pretty common. Everybody does it. And so.

I, you know, for everybody who sexed, I think Jeff Bezos, the world's richest man, just went right at it, right? He's like, yeah, and by the way, they're trying to blackmail me. He didn't run from it at all. He's just human. And.

Yeah, what's, I don't understand what the big deal is.

And you know what else is really funny is if he covered his eyes. He looks like a penis.

His head. Like he literally does.

Oh my God. Totally.

He's not the best looking guy. Like, you don't expect the world's richest man to be super good looking, but he's not good looking. He looks like a penis. So maybe that dick pic was just a selfie. Would that be funny?

I Mean, kind of hot. But yeah, he gets a lot hotter when you do cover his face. I'm. I'm testing it all out right now. Right on.

Right. If you cover his face, he looks like a penis, right?

Totally. Way too smooth. It's definitely like he doesn't shave the top of his head. It's definitely hairless for sure.

And so I don't know if you've seen a picture of me, but I'm more like an Afghan rug. Thank you.

I've actually never seen a picture of you.

We'll have to send you one. And I can imagine your disappointment. Well, okay, what's the next. The next one.

All right, here we go. So. Oh, I think I like this. Let's go from future unicorn to current unicorn. I didn't think they'd ever do any sort of headline on unicorns. I mean, you know what that is, right?

No. What's a unicorn?

It's a woman at a swingers party. I've been called the unicorn for almost 12 years.

What? How is this business news? Read that headline again.

I don't know. Let. Let me keep reading though. Let's. It says, let's go from future unicorn to current unicorn. I love it. They're saying the young chick. Okay, hold on, let me scroll. Oh, wait, whoa, whoa. This has nothing to do with swingers parties at all.

How's it a business?

I don't know who.

Dude, I'm. I'm getting all twisted around. I don't know who. Neuro.

Maybe you hit on the wrong tab on your computer and you went away from business and you're reading some sort of forum. Sexual thing. So I. I searched unicorn and went under business.

Let me know. This is possibly something and I'm thoroughly confused. So tell me. Tell me what this means. Meet Neuro, an autonomous delivery startup that receives 940 million in funding from. Who else? Softbank Vision fund. What does that have to do with unicorns? And what is this about?

This might be clickbait. Is this one of the things where they, like, they put like a crazy headline, like it's about swingers and naked chicks and then it's really about, can you invest in. Are they asking us to invest or is it news about them? Okay, so I looked at it looks like drone delivery.

I don't know. They're really talking themselves up. So maybe they're like, you know, trying to lure us in, telling us how good they are. I think I should close out this.

Go to the next one. That one's terrible. Okay, it's not your fault.

Yeah, that one was. Thank you, darling. Okay, Russia. To disconnect from the Internet as part of a plan to test Russia's Internet contingency plan gets closer to reality.

What do you think about that?

I like how you read it.

Want me to do it again?

Yeah.

Slower, naughtier, nastier. Okay. Russia. Oh, yeah. To disconnect. Oh, God. From the Internet. Oh, God. Oh, God. Part of a plant. Oh. Russia's Internet contingency plan gets closer to reality. Oh, Chris, that was good.

Oh, my God. I feel like I need a cigarette.

Oh, my God.

Man, you're good at this thing.

I feel like CNBC or somebody's gonna try to steal you from me here pretty soon. Fox News.

I don't think they can handle it. Honestly, I think this is something just for me and you, baby. But I really have no idea what this means. I was way too into that. Little lightheaded.

Wow. Okay, do one more.

Oh, okay.

Let's see.

This is interesting. A woman who studied 600 millionaires found how rich you can get. Boils down to six. Six things, no matter your age or your salary. You know what? I don't even care about the headline. I kind of want to scroll down and see what they're talking about. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay.

Six wealth factors. Okay. You ready for these?

Yeah.

Number one. Frugality.

Oh, that's not sexy.

Commitment to saving, spending less and sticking to a budget.

Boring. Don't you think that's boring?

None. I mean, none of us making those.

So this is how to be. This is how to be a millionaire?

Yeah.

So this is the secret to being a millionaire. By the way, being a millionaire doesn't do much for you anymore. Especially if you live in Los Angeles. The average house is a million dollars. You need like, you need a hundred million. Really? I'm a low thousandaire.

Totally. Yeah. I see now you're.

Okay, so the first secret to being a millionaire is not spend your money, which is counterintuitive. So Nick's on that one. I need to write this list. They're lying to people. Okay, what's the next one?

Okay, number two. Confidence. Confidence in financial management, vesting and household leadership. I think something you probably already implement, right, Chris?

Oh, yeah. I'm super confident. I've been called cocky before. No pun.

There is a fine line, all right?

There's a fine line between confident and cocky.

Yeah, but I don't find you cocky at all. I typically. In the bad sense of the word.

But I agree with that one. So I think that that's a winner, right? It's true. You're not going to make money or.

I think so.

If you. If you don't have confidence, I'd say you got to be good at public speaking, too.

I completely agree. Number three, responsibility, which involves accepting your role in financial outcomes and believing that luck plays little role.

Do you like poetry?

I mean, I'd like to see your Longfellow.

Wow. Wow. Okay, so there's this poem called how to Get Rich I read. I read earlier. And it starts off. It says good fortune. The fact is, the. More.

Wait, that's a poem?

Yeah, it's a. It's a real poem. It's a poem. It's called how to Get Rich. It's not. It's not exactly romantic, but I'll still be your valentine. But here it is. He says good fortune. The fact is, the more that you practice, the harder you sweat, the luckier you get. So I agree with. With number three. That's right on the.

And I think that goes. I don't know if that's financial guidance.

Since we're in dirty businesses. Shouldn't you have moaned?

Can you just kind of shift the perspective from money to boning? It makes sense, too. Really good advice. Solid across the board.

Okay, what's number four?

You can't deny me on that one.

No, I'm not denying.

Okay, number four, planning. Planning or setting goals for your financial future? All right, number five.

Who wants to plan?

Well, not I. What.

What is. What's the source of this list?

This is from money.com is the source.

Money magazine. Okay, so number four is planning, which, I don't know, I guess you have to plan. It seems like common sense. What's number five?

Number five is focus, Chris. Focus on seeing tasks through to their completion without being distracted. I think that's another universal lesson right there. I don't know.

You're the master poem. I'm going to read you another part of the poem. I know the poem is probably turning you on because it's super, super romantic, but it says ideas. We've had them since Eve deceived Adam. But take it from me, execution is the key. So focus. And execution.

Sounds a little bit morbid to me, but okay, if you're into that.

Don't you like it, too, that he's blaming it on Eve, like everything's Eve's fault? Have you ever heard those theories.

That women. Women are the cause of all. All the problems because they made Adam eat the apple or something? To that effect. I don't know. It's crazy.

Anyway, Adam is responsible for his own choices. I think number six should be accountability. But it's social indifference. Or not succumbing to social pressure by buying the latest thing. What are your thoughts on that? Because I kind of have indifference to that idea.

Not being a sheep.

Yeah, totally.

Right? Getting caught up. Like. Here's one. We were talking about this on business. Are you subscriber to Business Outlaws, diamond, do you listen to podcasts?

I'm not.

Okay, well, you need to get out your phone.

I don't even know what you're talking about.

A podcast. Do you have an iPhone?

No. Business. Yeah, but a business podcast.

You're on one.

You're my only source of business that I want.

She doesn't. She doesn't. You know, she just likes me.

I don't want to cheat on you.

Yeah, no, I'm on that one, too. You're not cheating on me. I'm on that one. But the guy that I'm on that with, my. My best friend and he. You'll like his name. Big Mike. And it's not. It's not a joke. He's big. He. He has his name for reason.

How do you know? How do you know? I told you. We could do the three on one special.

Oh, he wouldn't be into that. He's another. His fetishes are different than mine. I'm a little dirtier. He's a little more conservative.

Okay, but you know how big his fang fang is?

Well, you know, he's got big hands and big feet. So what does that tell you? He has a 13.

13. Shoe matters not. I've seen it all.

He's got a big iq.

He's.

He's Mensa. Do you know what that means?

Of course. But does not mean he has a big, you know. Trust me.

So you're telling me you're going on the record, diamond, an expert in all things big, that having a big IQ doesn't mean you. You're big.

100.

Okay, you're probably right.

So, number one, I know I'm right because I've done much more practical experimentation than you have. I assume I've seen it all.

Well, just the fact that you're talking to me. You've seen it all. But I. I agree with number six.

Really learning a lot from each other.

That the. The idea is. And we were. I think the reason why I brought up Business Outlaws is we were talking about it today on Business Outlaws. It's crazy. I Did two episodes of Business Outlaws, that I'm doing this show. Then tomorrow I'm going to Baltimore and doing a thing for International Truck. And then. Are you Friday.

Are you, like, a celebrity, Chris?

I don't know about that.

Wait, wait, wait. Are. Are you a celebrity? And I don't know, is Chris your real name? Oh, my God. Do you know Brangelina?

No, I don'. No.

You're in Los Angeles.

Yeah, I think. Where are you?

Oh, my God. Well, sometimes Vegas, sometimes Atlantic City. Vegas right now.

Atlantic City. What's that like.

Skaggy? Yeah, but people get really wasted and like to drop big dollars.

So we were. I go where the money is on business outlines. We were talking about marketing and how, like, people that hear Trump say, build the wall have a certain reaction, Right? But they're sheep. So if you're a CNN watcher, you have the reaction of, oh, you're, you know, you're being terrible, and that's prejudice. And then if you're right wing, you're like, yeah, build the wall. They're trying to come rape. Rape everybody and sell heroin or whatever. And if you're a business person and indifferent to num. You know, like they say in six, being socially indifferent. I'm like, oh, that's genius marketing. He just divided the audience and got elected president. And so you do. To be a successful entrepreneur or to be successful, you. You need to not be a sheep and not be so easily manipulated by dog barks and see past that. But understand how to use dog barks in your and to your advantage.

I would say, Chris, that was the hottest thing you've ever said because you're.

So biosexual or whatever.

Yeah.

You're turned on by smart, ugly guys.

I don't know that you're ugly. I think you're just saying that usually guys who are really hot always say they're ugly. Again, from personal experience and professional.

And I'm gay.

No, you're not.

Maybe. You never know.

No. No way. No way. Oh, wow. Well, you got me thinking on a few things.

You're all flustered.

I think I'm doing pretty good, though.

You're doing great. This is my favorite part of the week, diamond, and I really. I appreciate it.

Well, I know you can't see me but I'm smiling ear to ear Both sets of lips.

Oh, close my eyes and imagine that later I will When I'm alone that's okay, but thank you. Thank you, Ms. Diamond. That is your dirty business news of the week.