How I Got Into The Car Business Part 1!

Welcome to the big show. I'm Chris Collins. Hoagie's here. Adam is here. Today we are going to talk about the advice I got from a soccer coach that is the reason why I ended up in the car business. But most of what we're going to talk about is kind of my background and the story and how I became the person that I am, who I am. That and not much more coming up on this edition of Service Drive Revolution. Hey, starting in the second week of June, we are going to be doing Service Drive Revolution Live. It's going to be a Service Manager University. We are going to teach and certify you on how to run a profitable department, how to create a great customer experience, and much, much more. It's going to be a community of people learning and getting better virtually, and it's going to be really fun. It is for our clients that are on our on-demand. Of course, our coaching clients will be able to join in also should they want to do that. But it's going to be a fun new thing that we're launching, and it is exciting. In anticipation of that and kind of creating that content, I've been reminiscing a little bit about how we got to where we are. And so we're going to do a series starting today that just goes back and talks about how we created the content that we have, the different experiences that I've been through to, you know, to do that. And I have it charted out as kind kind of like a 7-part series, but we'll see. We might add to it as, as we go. But we're just going to kind of talk about how, how things have happened in my life and what I've learned, what the lessons are, and how it has contributed to the way that we do things today. And I think we do things a little bit different than everybody else. Yeah, I don't think we have competition in the marketplace. Because of the standard that we're trying to hold ourselves to. And we're always getting better and figuring out new ways of doing things. But we are the only company out there that I'm aware of that judges ourself. Our people are compensated and bonused on our clients' actual profitability. Most people are like, hey, here's the training, good luck, do what you want to do with it. But they don't want to talk about profitability and what really is going on. You know, I designed this because I hated consultants when I owned a dealership and when I was a general manager. And I always was like, man, I wish that these guys cared about the bottom line and not just spinning plates. Most consultants or trainers are just spinning plates. They come in, everybody gets excited, but when they leave, the air kind of leaves the room deflated in a sense. And then we're going to start off today just talking about how I came to be who I am and One of the things that I've learned in all of the special ops training and psychology training that I've been through is most of who we are as people happen between the ages of like, I don't know, 4 and 9. Like, your personality was developed when you were pretty young, and that personality doesn't change that much over time. Like, you, you were molded and you started on a trajectory in life. And it was, it was very early. It's before you're a teenager that that sort of stuff is locked in. And so we're going to talk about that. I think I've had a unique experience. Most people don't understand me, and they either just don't understand me or I'm a mystery. One, one of the two. They try, but they really, they think I'm somebody different than what I am. And I'm not ever quite sure why that happens. I always feel like I'm very genuine.

Yeah. Well, I think feedback I get from a lot of people that meet you is like you can take some pretty complicated things and abstract them and teach them. You're a good teacher. And so there's a, and I think they see that just in, you know, watching things like I heard this, or a lot of times they heard you speak somewhere or something like that. And so it resonates with them on a level that you can take some of these big concepts and make them relative to people. And that's, I think, a gift you have. But then when they meet you, I think they're— it's an odd—

Little starstruck a little bit?

Maybe starstruck, but then I think they're— Uh, yeah, they don't know what it is exactly, but, uh, it's way more simple than they think. Like, uh, it's just a— it's a genuineness, and I don't know that, uh, people quite have their finger on that. And, um, and, uh, you know, um, uh, even though, uh, you're kind of a big personality and things like that, like, you just like to have genuine conversation. And so they don't need to be like super knowledgeable. I think they're almost expecting like a scholarly conversation or something. And, and you like talking about things that matter and not small talk, but, um, I don't know, I think they have a hard time putting, uh, putting those— like putting a, a pin on that. And, um, yeah, like, I don't know, just even kind of an example of, of that that I've experienced as a coach and, and working for you in the field over the years is— this has probably happened to me a couple dozen times or so, maybe a little bit more, but it, it hadn't happened as much recently. But just a couple weeks ago, um, I was out at a store and I had the advisors doing the exercise where they were watching just this short little snippet, and then one at a time they were coming in and doing missed ops. And then I wanted to hear feedback from the, the snippet we were we were talking about. And, um, were you role-playing with them? Yeah. And one of the, one of the advisors comes in and they're like, hey, have you ever met him before? Have you ever met Chris? And I'm like, like, I missed this call like 20 minutes ago.

Nope, never met the guy. Who's this guy that you speak of?

But I, you know, I don't know if that helps, but there's this, there's a, there's a, uh, you know, a kind of a thing with it like that. But, um, Yeah. So I think there's a little bit of disconnect, you know, with that in them, them not really knowing what to expect either. Yeah.

And then Michou in person, there's, there's kind of one other thing too that happens is like I'll be in a conversation and I think that the intention of the conversation or the desired outcome of the conversation is to get better, to fix the thing. And then I'll say the thing that needs to get fixed and everybody's like in shock.

Yeah.

Like, like, because it's that truth or what it's kind of like.

I call it the Chris Collins effect in the sense that they have a hard time with it. Like, even like when I do the leadership workshop and people like want to argue with me, like, you're wrong, you don't know, you're, you know, this and that. And they'll get very personal and very you know, uh, combative. And, you know, I've learned over time you just meet that with empathy and kindness. There's no reason to fight back.

Yeah.

But what will invariably happen is they come back the next day and they'll be like, hey, you know, I was talking to my wife, or I was talking to my friend, and you're totally right, I'm an asshole.

Yeah.

You know, and it's like, but you didn't— yeah, we all knew that. Yeah, you didn't call them. Everybody in the room knew that. But for some reason, for some reason, I have ability to say the thing that makes people have to think about it or work through it. The other thing that happens to me a lot, and I've asked James to do an edit of this on Books That Changed My Life, how many times people just look me dead in the eye and they go, are you psychic? Yeah, because I can read people and I have a sense of where it's headed or what, you know. Even like, I can usually tell when somebody's a middle child or an older kid. Like, you can just tell by the level of— like, the oldest kid is always the most responsible, you know, had to grow up quicker than everybody else. Like, you just, you just have a sense of things if you're paying attention.

And, um, now, was that practice, do you think, throughout your life, or just recently? You just said earlier that going through a lot of these different kind of like trainings or workshops yourself, in a sense. Is it just you always had that, or has it been practice over time?

I've always been an empath in the sense that I feel things very deeply. Like, I think people perceive me to be harder than I am, um, but many times I got— I've told the story before when I was running Crévier I was, I was always the last interview, kind of like I am here. Like, I'm the last, you know, one to meet somebody before they're, they're hired. And I, I forget what the position was that we were interviewing for, but they were in my office and I was interviewing somebody, and they go, you know, you're not that intimidating. And I'm like, what do you mean? And they go, oh, the HR was saying that you're intimidating and people have cried in interviews with you before. The part— that part's true. People did cry. Like, I don't, you know, I was like, I'm not hiring you if you cry in an interview because our customers are way harder than I am. Like, you know what I mean? But, and, and, um, I learned that they were coaching people before they came in. Like, and I'm like, don't— I don't want you coaching anybody. I want to see who they really are. If they're scared of me or they're intimidated, what are they going to do when they get one of these Type-A BMW customers that are out of their minds? Like, you're all crazy. But I perceive that I'm a teddy bear, and I can tell by other people's body language that they're intimidated. Like, you know, it's the reason why I don't wear suits and ties, because like this with a suit and a tie is really intimidating. Right. It's already designed for effect, the beard and the whole thing. But in a suit and a tie, like, it's really intimidating. And so I stopped wearing suits. And, you know, I used to wear suits and ties everywhere. Like, that was my uniform. I love— was that pre-beard?

Was that pre-beard with the suits?

I was still wearing a suit and tie when I had a beard. A little bit.

Yeah.

But I learned that I'm better in a polo shirt and a sweater.

Yeah.

It's, you know, I can just— I'm very aware of people's emotions. I can feel the energy in a room and I can tell if somebody's uncomfortable. And there's things I can do to, you know, to kind of pull that down a little bit. And one is how I dress and then my tone, my posture. I've studied that stuff too. Like, I'm curious about that. Like, I, I am fascinated by why people do the things that they do, you know, in that, in that way.

Um, I think that's what one part that, uh, I've learned or I've observed through the years of, of knowing you is I think when people get that intimidation I don't think they realize the authenticity of you and just asking questions as part of your nature to really just better understand people in general without them really kind of knowing that. I feel like once in some places when people are being like, uh, I don't want to say being questioned or questioned, but if you're just naturally curiosity, they almost take that as a form of intimidation, right? Like, why are you questioning me? Like, today's society, it's always like, if somebody's doing that, they have some other intention. It's like know, the genuine authenticity of yourself is you're just curious and want to get to know somebody. And I don't think that really happens very often.

Well, it's disrespectful to assume. Yeah.

And they don't look at it that often.

When I do assume, I'm wrong. Yeah. So I think there's a humility to it, really. But people don't sense that.

Yeah. And I'd say like, that was one of the things when we first started, I guess, our partnership years ago, because that's what really resonated with just the clientele of, of us, is just really being authentic and not that idealized version that's out there in the industry. And we'll call it transportation industry. It's just very easy to get into that. But yeah, you brought a different element to the forefront of just being curious and human and figuring out where the gaps are.

Yeah, I'm always wary of people that like are super sure about their way. Like, I don't want us ever to be super sure about our way. Like, we should always be questioning it because it, you know, the things that we were doing 3 years ago, yeah, don't work today.

Yeah, yeah.

And for 2 reasons. One, the market's changed, but also we've just gotten better.

Yeah, I know that, you know, even in the candidate interviews that we go through, I always— I pride ourselves and just from your leadership, I'm just saying like we're never putting our feet up on the desk and saying we're done with what we're doing here. We're always trying to that continuous improvement and that open dialogue. Just asking more questions.

Yeah.

So we all agree that I'm, I'm, I'm weird and I'm unique. And so the interesting cocktail that's going on is a few things. So first off, I was born in Bremerton, Washington. I remember the lights coming on. So I have a very vivid memory of being born in chaos. It is said that I cried and was impossible. Like, babysitters would just walk out because I was impossible because I cried so much. But I was born into a kind of crazy situation where my mom and dad married very young. I think my dad was 19 and my mom was 21. My dad had twins with somebody else in high school, and then he left when I was 2 months old. So my mom, you know, had a kid. She was a single mom. My dad didn't pay child support. He just disappeared and was gone. I never really had a relationship with him. And I've met my real biological father maybe 5 or 6 times, like not a lot of times in my life. And we were nothing similar. Like there was nothing about him that was endearing to me in the sense he was an outdoorsman, he was a stoner, he was completely different and had 7 kids by different moms. And so 2 months he's gone, mom goes on welfare. We lived in a part of Bremerton, Washington that now is torn down because it was so bad with drugs and crime. The only way they could fix it was just eliminate that neighborhood. So it's literally gone. It was called West Park in Bremerton. And I mean, I remember vividly in kindergarten getting in fights. We ate macaroni and cheese and most of what allowed us to survive was my grandparents would help, you know, they would buy us groceries and help. And my grandfather was a firefighter and blue collar, worked really hard, you know, did pretty well for himself. But I mean, if there was poor, we were that, like we were poor. And my mom was a devout Christian, like, you know, everything was the will of God and this is how God wants it. Sort of, you know, sort of a thing. Yeah, pretty, pretty bleak in that way. When I was 4 and a half or 5, so I was in kindergarten, my mom started going to this one church more than other churches. We would kind of go to different churches, but she started going to this one, and she was very friendly with the pastor's son of that church. And just one day, I, I was kind of pulled into a meeting with her and him, and I was told that they were getting married. Like, I— it wasn't like they were dating or anything. It was just kind of like, we're getting married. And God's calling us to go to Mexico and be missionaries. It like kind of just happened like that. They got married and we moved in with him, and he had a real job. So he worked for the National Cash Register Association, and that was a booming industry back then, like the digital cash registers and ATMs and all that. And he was, um, living on the hill in Bremerton in a really nice house. He had a a sports car, he had an old Model T that he had restored, and he like instantly put his house on the market, sold all of his stuff, bought an Airstream trailer, and within, I would say, 6 months of them getting married, were, were packed up and moving to Mexico in this trailer. So he bought a pickup truck. Airstream trailer, and we're, we're headed to Mexico. Now, my— backing up just a little bit, we moved in with him. I mean, just think about a kid that is raised by a single mom. My mom tried to be a dad, but she was maybe not as much of a disciplinarian as a dad would be, I guess. I, I felt like she was very strict, and like, I was a good kid, and I, you know, I be— I behaved and that sort of thing. But he had another level of that. So right away, like, I remember as soon as we moved in to him, he, he beat the living tar out of me. Like, he broke a broom. And when my mom would spank me, she would spank me on the butt. He was like back, lower legs. Like, he was, he was pretty intense. And I remember the very first time he, he spanked me for something. I don't even know what it was. He broke the broom and it was a thick broom. He broke it on me. And then him and my mom got in a fight and then he wasn't as brutal, but he still, like, was pretty strict, you know? And that was the time, like, you got spanked as a kid. I don't know that. I don't know that that didn't make me better. I just remember the shock of, oh, there's a different set of rules and now we live in this house. And also like kind of this like juxtaposition of now we had money, like we weren't dirt poor. Like my mom could go to the grocery store and buy groceries and not have to skip, you know, you had cat, you had everything basically. And, um, I had clothes and that sort of thing for a minute. It didn't last very long because then we go to Mexico and their calling, what God was calling them to Mexico, was to work in this orphanage in Tijuana, Mexico. So this orphanage was on the outskirts of town. And in Mexico, they still had or have orphanages, something we don't really do in America. We do foster homes. But if you can just think about 150 kids that parents either abandoned, abandoned, don't exist, can't afford. I mean, there were parents that would come visit their kids. Like, they would have so kids, these were the kids that they had to leave in an orphanage because they couldn't raise them or whatever. But there's a bunch of kids. Now, I'm a white kid who has parents. Just think about this for a second. 150 kids that are in an orphanage that speak a different language, look different. Different culture. Everything is different. And I'm this kid that comes in and I don't speak the language. I don't fit in. They don't like— they don't like me generally. I'm a kid who has his parents. I have the thing. I have two things that they don't have. I'm an American citizen, which ends up being a big deal. And I have— I have parents, right? Even though he wasn't really my dad, he— he always said he was going to adopt me, but he never did. And I went by his last name, though, which was a completely weird thing that they changed my last name, even though on my birth certificate it said Collins. He— I went by his, you know, his last name until 7th grade in, in school, but never legally was changed. It's funny that they can just write in a different name.

And that is—

yeah. And when I— when he, when he ended up leaving, I just went back to Collins, but I had a different last name for a while. So I'm living at this orphanage and my mom is now homeschooling me. So I'd gone to public school for kindergarten and now she's homeschooling me in first grade. So I'm 5 or 6 at this point. Now, the only way for me to fit in there was to play sports, basically. That was— they were always playing soccer. Like, that was soccer, baseball, but it was mostly always soccer. So I was always, you know, trying to play soccer. I got beat up and bullied nonstop. Like, nonstop I would get picked on. Um, and, you know, I wanted so bad to fit in. Like, I, I remember asking my mom to let me shave my head and dye my hair black because I had hair and it was kind of blonde from being in the sun all the time. Everybody in the orphanage had a shaved head. You guys want to— do you know why they shave their heads?

Lice.

Lice. We— I had lice always, constantly, like, and, um, it was just a thing, like, you know, lice. Um, Eventually, this other American couple that had like 3 kids moved to the orphanage too, and they, they had a trailer just kind of parked on the other side. And they had a son that was maybe a little older than me. But I, you know, I, I had a friend for a while there. One of the things that was drilled into me from a very early age was getting kidnapped because we were on the outskirts of Tijuana. Oh, it was always a thing. We would roleplay, like my stepdad would try to shove me in a car and he would want me to fight him. They would always say, like, let him stab you, let him shoot you, but if you get in the car, we'll never see you again. That was what my parents would tell me. And so if I'm playing soccer at the soccer field there in the orphanage, it's on the outskirts of the orphanage, you were always nervous if a, if a van came by or anything, because any, anybody from the outside was a potential kidnapper. I will, um, that was always a worry my, my whole life down there was you're, you know, because they would kidnap kids and then hold them for ransom, and then just most of the time you never saw the kid again. It's just kind of how it worked. So that was all, that was always a thing, like there was drilled into me constantly, you know. So ends up we're at that orphanage for maybe a, a little under 2 years. And then in the middle of the night— so this Airstream trailer has been parked in the same spot for a year and a half. So you can imagine the tires, like everything. In the middle of the night, at like 1 in the morning, I'm sleeping in the, the trailer where we lived. We lived in that trailer. They're hooking it up to the truck and they're leaving. And they pull me up front in the truck. I'm in my pajamas or whatever, and I'm like, what's going on? We're moving, we're leaving. And it ends up that the guy who ran the orphanage had been molesting the girls there and they had turned him in. The way that I understand it, they turned him in and nobody would do anything about it, and they could no longer participate or support something that was like that. Now, when I, when I look back at it, it makes total sense because the guy always had girls around him. His name, they called him Papa Krause. That was his name. And there were always girls around him. And he was kind of creepy. Like, I even, I didn't like him. Or, you know, had this weird sense about him, but I never spent that much time with him. He kind of lived in this house, and he was the one that was in charge of the orphanage. He was an American. He was older. But yeah, there was a gaggle of females in his house all the time. And it ends up he was doing, you know, doing things that he shouldn't have been doing. And we were leaving. So We, uh, now when you're a missionary, you end up making all of these friends that support you. So there's all of these other churches or just people that support what you're doing. They help you build stuff, they finance things. Usually it's people that are a little more well-off. And there was this couple that owned a ranch in San Ysidro that supported that orphanage that knew kind of what was going on. That's where we went. So we parked this trailer on their ranch in San Ysidro. San Ysidro is the first city, like, city coming out of Mexico, south of San Diego. So it's like it goes San Ysidro, then maybe like Imperial Beach, but it's the very first one. Right there. And that ranch was on the border. So people, illegals were constantly coming through the fence onto that ranch. So there was always Border Patrol overhead and helicopters, always Border Patrol. I would literally go outside the trailer and just be playing on the side of the trailer and there would be somebody on the ground in a bush. Going, shh, shh, shh. Like, don't say—

don't give me up.

Yeah, like constant. It was constant because it was right there, kind of the hills were on that side, but it was close enough to the freeway that it was a main kind of route for people to come through. My mom— so this is second grade. My mom is still homeschooling me. But it just gets to the point where she can't handle me anymore. We're homeschooling in an Airstream trailer.

Yeah.

Also, the other thing about this is we're completely living on donations and faith. So what would happen, especially when we were in Mexico, I remember my parents were always worried about money because we had no money. And one month, what would happen is we had a PO box in San Ysidro at the post office there. And once a month we would go to San Ysidro and check the PO box hoping that people from churches had sent money, some sort of support money. And they would call, they would go around to churches and try to raise support, that sort of thing. But I remember one month the only check that was there was for $25 from my grandparents. That was it. Like, we had no money. Like, um, you know, grew up like many people, you went in the restaurant and like you got to order one thing and it was the cheapest thing. Like, it, you know, money was, uh, very, very scarce. So I'm driving my mom crazy doing the homeschooling thing, and I can't hold still. Like, I can't sit in an Airstream trailer. Like, I you know, you can call it ADD, you could call whatever it was. I just couldn't sit there and concentrate. And, um, my mom felt like a failure because I wasn't learning and, you know, the whole thing. So towards the end of second grade, she put me in the public school there in San Ysidro. And maybe I went there for like a couple months. Ends up I was ahead of the other kids because even though my mom felt like she was failing with the homeschool, I was still ahead of the kids in the public school at that time. Then what happens over that summer is we go to Washington, they go around and raise a bunch of support from a bunch of churches, and then we move back to Mexico into this part called Colonia Cárdenas, which is like north of Rosarito. Like, it's the outskirts of Tijuana headed towards Rosarito. So have you ever driven into Mexico and gone to Rosarito?

Been to Tijuana, but we never drove in. We walked.

If you were headed to Rosarito, there's a toll booth that you hit right after La Playa in Tijuana if you're going along the coast. We were up in the hills to the left, right there where that toll booth is. So we would literally go to the toll booth and turn around and come back, and then you would go up the hill because there was no way to exit to the left. You had to go all the way down and come back and then drive up. So we moved up there, and there was this church that had a mission and a pastor. Her name was Pastor Maria. She ran an Assembly of God church there, and the kind of the deal was that my stepfather was going to co-pastor with her, and they were going to build this mission, and they were going to do some great things. Together. So we moved into a house that we rented from somebody there that was just— I mean, if you can imagine the houses in Mexico, they're all brick and concrete. No wood except for maybe the screen door. But we rented a house from this guy there. The houses are in these walled-in, half of a city block would be walled in and then there would be houses inside of that, but it would be walled in to protect, you know, you in a sense, and rebar. And they would put glass on the top of the wall, like the idea that if somebody was trying to get over, they would cut themselves. Sometimes they'd put barbed wire. Oh, we lived inside of this, like, compound, compound with 4 houses in there. The guy who owned the compound lived in one of the houses and then he rented out the other 3, and we lived in one of them. And then it was decided that I was going to go to church, or I was going to go to school in Chula Vista to a Christian school. I couldn't go to school in Mexico because I wasn't a citizen and we didn't pay taxes there. And I couldn't go to school in California because we weren't residents and we didn't pay taxes there. So I was going to go to a Christian private school, basically. And so what would happen during the school year is every day they would wake up, they would drive me across the border all the way to Chula Vista. It was, you're probably in the car like 3 hours, sometimes more depending on the wait at the border. And I would go to school at this private, you know, Christian school that I was by far and away the poorest kid there. Like the clothes I wore were donated. My friend that I, you know, hung out with there was— his dad made the tiles for the Space Shuttle Columbia. Like, there was nobody— like, players for the San Diego Chargers, kids went to the school. Like, if there were, you know, there was just a huge gap between me and everybody else. And my parents drove an old Volkswagen station wagon. I forget what those things were called. It's not a Karmann Ghia, but it was a wagon. And literally the floorboard was, uh, rusted through and they just had plywood. So you would stand on plywood on this, you know, stick shift Volkswagen that— I don't know, that thing had 3 horsepower or something, like gutless, air-cooled. Yeah, like leaked oil everywhere. That's, you know, that's how we would get there. Um, we called it the leper because you always had to bring it back to life. That was the joke. You always had to bring it back to life in that way. So now if you can kind of think, like, I'm in third grade at this point, right? And I live in Mexico and my parents work in this church. And so I'm the pastor's kid, I'm the missionary's kid, and then I go to school in Chula Vista in America, and I'm the poor kid that lives in Mexico, sort of a thing. I started to kind of have two lives. Like, in Mexico, I was the kid that had the thing everybody wanted, which is I was an American. There was no way that it was in Mexico. I was the lucky one. My parents had food on the table. I remember one time we went over to this family's house, and by house, I mean crates and cardboard boxes. And when we walked in, there was a chicken tied to a post. We were there for 3 hours. and they're making this meal and this whole thing. When we walked out, the chicken was gone. It was their only— Yeah, people were beyond poor. It's hard to describe. When it would rain, their houses would just— they're not houses, they're cardboard shacks, but they would just wash away and people would just rebuild them. It just was how it was. People were very poor. A lot of people in Tijuana come from southern Mexico. And one of the, you know, family members will go to America and work and then bring money back. A lot of families, the dads are working the fields in America and the moms are raising the kids, and dad comes back, you know, for 2 or 3 months a year and then goes back and works, sort of a thing. So a lot of that is a lot of moms raising families and dads coming and going. A lot of the dads there would have like 2 families in town and the moms would find out that there's another family sort of a thing. It kind of an interesting, uh, thing. But family, family is very, very important to Mexico. So I go to, uh, to Chula Vista Christian School and, um, that's kind of like how the rest of this goes is, um, You know, eventually my stepdad got a motorcycle to drive me to school every day because you could cut the line at the border. So if you had a motorcycle, you could just drive right in and cut, which, you know, would save an hour sometimes. Yeah. So he started driving me on the, on the motorcycle in 5th grade, you know, 4th grade. I remember during 4th grade my— I think my teacher's name was like Miss Penelope. And I remember like that year, two things happened. I think like the space shuttle exploded and Reagan got shot. And I remember she cried in front of the class. She was so upset. But I mean, I knew the vice principal by, you know, by name. I got paddled. All the time. I was always in trouble. I could never sit still. I remember I would borrow— that's when Velcro wallets were cool. Yeah, I would borrow a Velcro wallet. So I had one on each side, had like a pad. Yeah. And the vice principal had the paddle that had the holes in it because, you know, it's like, oh, it moves faster, it's more aerodynamic sort of thing. Like all that stuff, you know, when you're a kid. Yeah, it's a big, it's a big deal. But I got paddled all the time. And then when you would get paddled in school, you had to take a note to your parents and have them sign so that I would get in trouble again, that I got in trouble. So trouble on trouble. Let me try to think about just how awkward that— I don't know, that whole experience.

Two lives almost.

Yeah, that's the thing that I can't— that I keep— that's stuck in my mind is, is you're the richest kid or the most sought-after kid once you go home in the evening and when you get up in the morning. But then when you're at school—

Soon as you cross the border.

You're the poorest kid or the one they're pointing at and talking about.

Your identity's almost just flat.

Or whatever. And almost in both scenarios, in a weird way, you're the one they're pointing out and talking about. Um, just at, at, uh, either ends of the, of that spectrum.

It's almost like either way you're not winning.

That's got to be a crazy thing for a kid to, uh, yeah, to process, right?

Like, so you want, you want to know one? Can you think of the one benefit though?

The one benefit to being on either sides of that perspective.

Think about this. You live in Mexico. There's no phones there. There's no— there was no phone, nothing. No, you could have two girlfriends, one in Mexico.

Oh gosh, I'm thinking perspective.

Third grade, you could have, you could have two girlfriends.

They'll never find out.

I was, I was waiting for the most profound part of this conversation.

What was that one song? Like, I got I got different folks in different area codes. Let's call that out.

No, that is true.

No, you could have two girlfriends. That's funny. Oh man, no, it was true.

Yeah.

Um, that's one thing that I was, I was always pretty good at, like the girlfriend thing. Like, uh, yeah, I don't know, I always had a girlfriend. But, um, yeah, I'm trying, so I'm the Mexico thing is super interesting because, I mean, basically all I did there is play soccer, pretty much. Like, I had a bike, but my bike always got stolen. Like, basically there, like, everything's getting stolen, you know? I was gonna say that. Yeah. And, um, a little different, like, I didn't get in as many fights —then because the mission— here's the thing. As much of a— I don't know— odd person my stepdad was, he helped a lot of people. And he developed this thing where he paid an architect to design these plans that a youth group could come down and build a house in a day. And back then, I don't know if it's true now, but back then, if you were a citizen of Mexico, you were entitled to a plot of land, but you had to put a house on it within, I think, 6 months. So my stepdad would coordinate with, uh, the government there. He would get youth groups. So in the summer, we'd go around to churches, and youth groups would literally commit I remember each house was $2,000 and they would commit, we're going to build 10. And so they would raise $20,000 and then there would be a date. My stepdad would pour the foundation. So these houses are 12 by 12 square boxes. There's no bedrooms, there's no bathrooms. There's one light in the middle and an outlet. And that's kind of it. Like it was just a room. And that was, that was life-changing for these families with 12 kids. Like, I mean, I mean, Butter in the Cardboard Box. Yeah. And, um, seeing these youth group kids hand over the keys to a house to a family and watching that was something that you can't even really put into words, like how life-changing that was for the families and for the kids that came down and built those houses. So my stepfather pioneered that house in a day thing. And that mission, like, he would go— he went around and in LA, Lucky Bread and all of these different companies would donate food. So he would once a week drive to Los Angeles in this big, huge, you know, what you would consider a Ryder truck. And he would fill it with bread, with pasta, with beans. And then the mission would give it out. One of the kind of side benefits to that is the cholos and the kind of like seedier people. Because I'm like, I say this and I don't think people understand what I'm saying. Like, people I watched, I watched a guy bleed out when I was like 9. Like, he— they got in a fight and he got stabbed in the neck. And I watched him bleed out in front of me. And there's no ambulance coming. Nobody picks up the body. Like the violence there and the, the, the— how do you say that? Like the randomness of life. Like people were killed and the gangs there would fight and worse than here, like in the gang stuff here is crazy. But there it was like knives and it was, it was— there was a lot of violence that I witnessed at a very early age. But part of what my stepfather and Pastor Maria and everybody were doing in that community, those guys watched out for me. Like, I was never really— they'd steal my bike, but they weren't letting anybody do anything to me, like actual harm to you, because their mom was getting a house, or their family, or their little siblings were getting taken care of. And the amount of goodwill— like, that's one thing that I witnessed is the amount of goodwill spreads in a way that is contagious. Like, when you're genuinely helping people in a way that isn't expected, with nothing in return, like, just genuinely giving to people, the equity that creates is something special. Also, you know, there's an element of power to that too. But one of the things that I realized early on, and so I started developing, I think part of it is having two different lives. Like I'm the poor kid at school and then I'm the other kid. I started to definitely pay attention to people's behavior because I was two people. Like I literally was two different people in different situations. I hated every second of it. I just wanted to be an American. Like, I wanted so bad to just live in America and be an American. I had no desire to be a missionary's kid. I had no desire to be in Mexico whatsoever. But that's what it was. But I remember certain things, like, One thing was the whole religious thing. So I wasn't— my stepdad was very strict. I wasn't allowed to listen to anything but Christian music. I wasn't allowed to watch TV. I wasn't allowed to go to the movies. None of that. Now think about, I'm the kid at school that's the poor kid, and they're talking about The Cosby Show, they're talking about Michael Jackson's album. No idea. And I would get spanked if I was caught listening to that. Like, it was a hard no. You know, in a way. And I remember, um, starting to understand that the extremism of my stepdad in this life of being this, like, hardcore religious, very judgmental— like, Christians are very judgmental. Like, if you're not a Christian and you're not living that way, there's a million ways to put you down and discount your opinion, discount you as a human because you're a sinner. And it's very judgmental in a lot of ways. But I remember consciously having this thought of, man, they promise that you're going to have all this happiness and everything's going to be good and God is love. And it sure seems like everybody's miserable and everybody hates each other. Like, I just remember going, man, this math just doesn't— like, why is everybody so miserable then? Like, why don't we lighten up and have some fun? But there was just— the adults had this heaviness to them, and there was a lot of bickering and a lot of fighting, especially the bigger the ministry got. Territory and power struggle within the— for sure. And then the other thing that I remember is these youth groups would come down and they would assemble the walls of these houses in a day in our courtyard where we lived. So we ended up moving to another house that was a little nicer and it had a big courtyard and they would assemble the houses there. I was always excited because these American kids were coming down and like, you know, I get to make friends. I want to be an American. I want to hang out with American kids. Like, these are my people, right? Yeah. And a lot of them were from Washington because that's where we were from and that's where we would— they were Seahawks fans, right? Like the whole thing. So I just remember how miserable those kids were. Like, these kids had everything I wanted. Their parents were like middle class. They went to school, they lived in the country they went to school. They, you know, they were very singular in their existence where I had these two odd existences that didn't make any sense. And, um, they were entitled, they were, they were, uh, difficult to get along with. They had bad attitudes, they would throw tantrums. They were, they would complain about stuff. So they would complain about the food or the water, or, you know, just simple stuff. That's a struggle there. Water's a struggle there. You know, you, you, uh, you can't just go to a restaurant there. It just doesn't exist out in that part where we lived, you know. And so, um, I remember thinking like, these kids that I play with all the time that are my friends in Mexico that live in a cardboard shack, whose dad's been gone for a year and mom's raising 5 kids or whatever, and I had these 2 kids that were kind of my friends that lived on the same block that we lived in, um, were happier than these Americans that had everything. And I, I would think about that a lot. Like, being happy has nothing to do with money. And in fact, the people that had the thing that I thought I wanted seemed miserable and entitled. And I, I, like, I'm telling you, like, I'm 8 or 9 when I'm starting to notice this sort of stuff, like that people, uh, say one thing and they do another, you know, that sort of thing. Yeah. So, um, I'm, uh, really good at soccer because that's all we do is play soccer. Um, I was in a league in Tijuana, and I wasn't like I wasn't the best player.

Were you always bigger than the other kids your age?

Um, like, I was bigger than the kids in Mexico. I was not bigger than the kids at school. I didn't grow until I was like 15. When I was 15, I like shot. I, I was like, every 4 months I needed a new pair of shoes because I outgrew them. Like, I just shot up. But I was not— I was average. One thing too, I kind of remember is because I got in a lot of fights. One thing my stepdad did that was really helpful is he signed me up for martial arts. And so I started taking karate after school in, in America, and it was a Chuck Norris Academy. Oh, really? Yeah. So Chuck Norris had franchises. Yeah. And this guy is— I think his name was Eddie Mopola. He was like a kickboxing champion at the time. He— it was his dojo, but it was a Chuck Norris franchise. And I would go a couple times a week, but I, you know, I, I moved up and started to get belts. But the outcome of that, which is an interesting thing, is I didn't get in fights anymore. It's like you had more discipline because a lot of that is—

I thought was more like kind of harnessing that energy and discipline.

Yeah, but there's also just this interesting thing is your energy changes because you're not trying to prove anything. Ah, like, I think I was always trying to prove something, and so I would get in fights because I wanted to prove that I mattered. I wanted to prove that I, you know, was important or whatever it was. And once I, uh, had the self-esteem and the confidence from actually knowing how to fight I, uh, I wasn't trying to fight. And when you're not trying to fight, you make friends. And so I wasn't, you know, I wasn't, I, I wasn't this trigger that was like ready to go. Um, and I, I was 11 when that happened. So because I, I would get in a lot of fights and, um, it was a problem. It was a problem. And I think, um, smartly my stepdad kind of figured that one out because that neutralized it very, very quick. Um, and yeah, once you know how to fight, it's like you don't want to hurt somebody. Like, now you kind of like—

yeah, if you had intention, you could really actually hurt someone.

Yeah. And, um, the older you get, the, you know, the more that is, is true. Uh, then so like around this interesting thing kind of happens when I'm in 7th grade, so I think I'm 12, is, uh, this had kind of happened where girls would kind of hang out at our house on the steps and like be looking for me, and then they'd want to come in, and sometimes my mom would invite them in and they would have dinner. Um, and they were always a little older than me, so like if I was 12, they were probably 16. Or so. And, um, what would happen is their, their parents would tell them, go down there and, you know, basically marry that white kid. Yeah. And, um, there was this one girl that did it a lot. Like, she, she was becoming an issue, like, that she was there all the time. And my parents were very uncomfortable. And, um, I remember my mom, I think, talked to her mom because they would come to the church sometimes. And the intention was to, you know, I'm 12, like, not thinking about getting married, but pregnant or married, either one would have worked out for them in that way. And it's just the nature of things down there. Like, it's just people wanted to be an American and become a citizen so bad. Like, It's, um, I think it's a thing that most people growing up here don't understand. No, how much, what it really truly means to be an American.

I think you said it though a little bit ago, like, uh, the entitlement of a lot of people just, yeah, growing up in here. They don't—

there's something special here that, yeah, um, doesn't exist in Mexico. And part of it is the law and order. Part of it is there's a, there's when you call the police, they come. Like, you know, down there, somebody can get murdered. There's nobody investigating. Yeah, there's nobody. Like, the cops had come through maybe once a year and arrest a bunch of people. And the one thing cops would come sometimes was domestic violence. If somebody beat up their wife so bad, most of the time the people in the neighborhood would take care of it. Like, it's self-policing. Like, I grew up in a in a community that was self-policing. There were men in the neighborhood that would take care of things.

So it was their own neighborhood watch.

But I mean, I'm talking about by take care of things, like people disappeared. It wasn't just a conversation. Interesting. Don't ever come back if you do see him.

You're exiled.

So two things kind of happened at the same time. Um, is my stepdad showed up to pick me up at school, not on the motorcycle but in a car, and he was with this girl from church. And, um, she was early 20s, 21, 22, and she's with him, which was super odd. For one, that he would be in a car, and two, that he would have her. With him. And we, like, you know, one of the things that would happen is on our way back, we would stop and get gas. And because the gas in Mexico was terrible, like, you didn't want to put that in your car. It was cheaper, but it was terrible. And I saw him, like, pat her on the butt. Like, I was behind and I saw, and there was just this chemistry between them that was, like, super odd. Um, now there's some other stuff that kind of happened that I, I'm a little hesitant to talk about. One, because I don't quite understand or know, so I'll just kind of give the summary. Is there was this couple that was really close with my parents that lived in San Diego that got murdered, and I saw drugs in a car that we owned. I saw like kilos there. And I'm, um, I'm pretty sure that I— we were going over the border with drugs every day. And I don't know, like, I— there's the, the sense that my stepdad had something to do with that couple and taking over their routes because they also had routes where they would go and get food. Something very weird happened. Now understand, I'm 12. My mom has a take on this that, you know, it's definitely off. But I saw a couple of things in a very short amount of time, which was the drugs and this girl and him together. And so, um, it ends up like every Tuesday or Thursday, like one day of the week, he would show up with her to pick me up at school. Like, super odd. Like, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, she's with him and he's picking me up. And so I tell my mom, and I said, I think that he's having an affair with this Debbie girl. Like, um, and my mom, the thing that I remember is, so we live next door to Pastor Maria. Our houses were side by side in the same courtyard with the wall around it, with the glass on top and the barbed wire. I remember on a Saturday, my stepdad, my mom, and Maria had a conversation about this. And I'm a kid. I have my window open. I'm listening. And they're next door and their window's opening, and there's a lot of yelling and a lot of crying and all this stuff. And then all of a sudden they leave and they come back to our house, and my stepdad goes upstairs and my mom goes in the kitchen and starts cooking. And I go in there and I ask my mom, I go, what happened? She goes, oh, he's not having an affair, it's all a misunderstanding. And I'm like, no, he's having an affair. What are you talking about? I'm the kid, right? Like, I'm the— like, I'm— when I started having those thoughts when I was 8 years old, I'm like, I'm smarter than the adults. Like, these people are crazy. They're nuts. They're absolutely crazy. Like, none of this makes any sense to me. Like, I don't understand why they do this when they know this is going to happen and they still do this. Like, you can just watch them, like, make mistakes. Like, it's just— it's— it was absolutely insane. So So around that time, uh, this girl is like there more and more and more and more. And so I tell my stepdad, I said, uh, him and I are alone in the car, and I said, uh, hey, these girls are trying to get me to have sex with them. And, uh, he said to me, he goes, what do you think, they don't try to have sex with me?

What a response is that?

What? Like, I'm 12. Help me get out of here. Give me— tell me Jesus doesn't want me to have sex until I'm married. Do something. Because, like, I'm certainly interested in girls and, like, you know, like, I'm bound to be interested. He's been giving advice thus far. Why stop? So also, like, think about that. You're 12 and you want to talk about this thing. Yeah, but that's the, that's the answer you get. Yeah. You, uh, I can't talk to my mom about it. Yeah. Uh, I mean, the whole thing with, with sex and all that is super funny, but you know, my stepdad never had the talk with me about sex. My mom would tell me later on in life my grandpa would have that talk. Never did. Like, everybody was super uncomfortable to talk about sex. Like, Never. I learned about sex from the kids at school. Like, that was, that was it. Like, which is so funny. I don't know what your philosophy as a parent, but if I was a parent, I would be talking about it all the time. Yeah. From a very early age.

Well, I think back then it was more of the thing of like, if you talk about sex, they're going to have sex. If you talk about drugs, they're going to do drugs.

And yeah, well, and also just a ton of shame. Yeah, a ton of shame. There's a lot of shame in my family and abuse, like just crazy craziness too, you know? That makes sense. So then in the summers when I'm out of school, we would go stay with my grandparents in Washington and then we would go around and do slideshows, which was the old school PowerPoint. And he would show— my stepdad would show the houses and then he would get youth groups to commit. By this time, he's like, every Wednesday and Sunday we're going to a different church. There's so many churches supporting this. The, the numbers he was doing in building houses was insane. Like, huge. He was building a ton of houses and very popular. Like, people like, hey, come to this church. Like, the word of mouth had spread. And so when I was in in Washington in the summer, I would landscape and do jobs. Like, I always was making money. When I was a— when I was in elementary school, I would buy jewelry in Mexico, silver jewelry, and I would sell it at school. Like, I was always figuring out a way to make money. Like, uh, Don Cravier, who I used to work for, would always say, like, when you were a kid, you either had a lemonade stand or you didn't. I had every kind of lemonade stand you like I always was making my own money, you know, kind of figured that out. So I was at my cousin's house who owned a landscaping company. I was working for him under the table, mowing lawns. He had a bunch of contracts and we would mow. And my mom and stepdad were staying with my grandparents. And I remember like the energy in the house just changed. And then my cousin was staying with goes, we got to drive you back. You're— you got to go see your mom. And I was like, what? Why? What happened? And he's like, well, you got to see your mom. Like, well, what happened? And we're getting in the car, like, going. And I'm like, did Gerald leave? And he's like, yeah. And so in the middle of the night, this, this guy takes the car and drives to the ferry in Bremerton, leaves the car with the keys in it and a note. Calls my mom and says, hey, um, the car's at the ferry, there's a note in there that explains everything. Hangs up, hops on a plane, goes back to Mexico, and clears out everything. Clears out the house and runs away with the 22-year-old girl Debbie.

Gone, never to be heard of or seen of again.

And the ministry is over. Over. Like, there's no way you can— you can keep doing a ministry when you've left your family that everybody knows. The church disintegrates. Like, I had no idea until, uh, maybe like 10 years ago how, how that affected that community. And that church, like, never came back. Like, insane, because it was doing so much good, and then it was over. So here we are, my mom and I, back to me and my mom. He's gone and we have nothing and we're in Washington and my mom's identity is a missionary, right? That's her whole identity. And that's over. Like, so he left us with absolutely nothing. No money. He took all the money, took— he left us with the Toyota, a car, but he took the truck, the big Ryder, you know, truck. Cleared out the furniture, cleared out the accounts, everything, and was gone. And that was the end of that. Wow. All of a sudden, I'm an American. Yeah. Peace. So what happens is there's like a month there of my mom and my grandma went down there. They chased him down there. and they went and I stayed, and they came back with stuff in my grandpa's truck, like stuff from our house, like clothes and that sort of thing. But I didn't end up going back for— it was a year. The next summer I went back down there and I saw him. So he was at— he was in a little Toyota truck at that Debbie girl's family's house. And my friends— so when I went back, all my friends are like, you don't know how many people were like, for $500, we'll kill him. Like, just straight up. Or, you know, just tell me the word and we'll kill him. Like, and I'm 13 at this point, right? And I saw him in a truck. So I picked up a rock and I threw it at him. He saw who I was and he just took off. So I put a big dent in the back of his truck, but I wanted to fight him. That's the other thing. When I was 11, he stopped wrestling with me because I could pin him. He was a little dude. I never mentioned that. He was a little Napoleon complex. So he was shorter than my mom. And it's interesting. And I'm like, I'm not— she's shorter than my mom in flip-flops. Like, she wasn't in heels. Like, he was short. He had a Napoleon complex. When I was 11, I was bigger than him and I could pin him, so he stopped wrestling with me and it changed our relationship. Sure. I wondered for a long time if that wasn't the beginning of the end, which I don't think it was. It had more to do with him and my mom than me. When I was 16, I called him. I got his phone number and I called him and I asked him why he left. And he just said, adults, something about adults, and it had nothing to do with the kids. Or something like that. Now, he had left his other wife and had 3 kids by another wife before my mom and left them, and they all hated him because he left. Same sort of thing. So he had a pattern. He had a track record of leaving in the middle of the night sort of a thing. So now I'm in America, I'm still poor, and I was— so I was failing 7th grade, and I think I barely was getting by or whatever at the, at the Chula Vista Christian School. So then my mom doesn't want me to go to public school, she wants me to go to a Christian school. So that's when— and I talk about it in the book— I'm at this church in Seattle, and they, uh, at the end of the service, they, uh, the pastor says, kid, Chris come up here. And I'm like, what? Like, and I'm, you know, I go up there, I have a total out-of-body experience. I'm completely mortified, like, that I'm having to do this. And he says, everybody's aware of, you know, their situation and what's happening. We want to take an offering for Kristoff's school clothes and go to school. And they literally take an offering in front of your eyes. No, I'm standing on the stage. That's what I mean, staring in front of your It's all happening.

Yeah. The—

so funny. I literally was— I, I left my body like I was so humiliated and embarrassed when that happened. And it's funny because my mom has a completely different take on that, right? My mom says that I'm ungrateful for those people that gave money and all that. That's why And yeah, I mean, I don't know, maybe that's true. But I definitely was like thinking like for a long time after that, as soon as I can get out of here and make my own money, I'm— I— the adults have failed me. Yeah, the adults have failed me. This is a mess. You got to understand how hard that was on my mom. Like, she was a wreck. And the other thing that would happen too is she would have these prayer groups come and pray for him to come back. So there were all these books and examples in the Christian world of men who had left their wives and families and then not— not— yeah, and come back. And so that was the narrative is he's going to come back and we're praying and people would pray for him to come back. And I was always the one going, if he comes back, I'll kill him. Like, yeah. And then it was like, well, that hate is going to eat you alive and you need to forgive. And I'm like, just, you know, no, that's not how— there's just certain things in life that I don't have to hate him for him not to be allowed to come back. And it doesn't have to be that I'm a sinner and it's the devil inhabiting my body and mind that it's not a lot. It's not okay. He broke, he broke a thing that you can't unbreak. Yeah. But you know, that wasn't the thing that was going on. So for, for a long time. But anyways, during 8th grade, so I went to 4 schools. So I started off at Mountlake Terrace Christian School in Seattle, and we lived in this house that the church owned. That was a conversion house. You guys know what a conversion house is? No. It was to people that were gay to pray the gay out of them. And it was the only place that we, I guess, could land or whatever. And there's these really nice people in this house that were gay that were trying to pray it out. It never worked. Ends up they were who they were. you know, um, funny business model. I don't know that, uh, happens, but, um, they were really nice people. And, um, yeah, so something happens at that time is, um, good old Dad left when I was 2 months old. Guess what he hasn't done for 13 years? Come back. Paid child support. Oh, so he's supposed to pay $100 a month and he hadn't paid for 13 years. So he owed a lot. Ends up it adds up. $100 a month adds up over 13 years. So my mom goes to support enforcement and says he's never paid his child support. Well, they just go you know, Gatling fire on him, seize every account, every asset, and just shut him down. So he wants to hang out with me. Oh, geez. So I don't know, like, maybe, maybe they'd gotten like $4,000 or something from his accounts. But he, you know, they garnish everything. They— his, his wife And he had 4 kids at the time with that wife. She worked and they were garnishing her wages. He'd written a cookbook with her and they were garnishing that. Like, you know, pretty brutal. So he wanted to hang out with me. So I have— now, my mom had always had a picture of my dad. There's just one picture in this box. And so I knew what he looked like. And I would ask sometimes to see the picture of him. Um, but I remember, so he sets up this father-son date at the Seattle Center. So we're gonna play miniature golf, and he comes and picks me up. And, uh, I remember just being like, wow. Like, because my stepdad had no body hair and was short, my dad had hair coming out of the back of his shirt. It's like he had an Afghan rug on his back. And it made more sense because I was hairy. You know, like, yeah, I'm like, this is a— okay, this man here, this makes sense. This makes a lot of sense. Like, you know, when you're 13 and you got zits and you're starting to grow hair in places and like, whatever, it's all very confusing. I was like, oh, that's what I'm going to be like. Yeah, that's where I'm headed. Yeah, I definitely knew I wasn't going to be hairless and short, you know, like the other guys. So He picks me up and I remember we're sitting, you know, we're in this conversion house and we're in like the entryway and my mom says goodbye and we want him and I walk out the door together and he had a— so he had a Ford Ranger truck that had this weird wood bed in the back. Okay. For hunting. So he would hunt bears with dogs. So two of the dogs would set up on that platform and then alert is he would like roll down through the logging roads in Washington. But an odd looking truck. It's odd. It was odd to see that. And I remember I get in the truck and I put it, put on my seatbelt. I'm just kind of like, you know, this is a new experience for me. That's my biological dad. And I'm hanging out with him for the first time and I'm in his truck or whatever. And he, he says to me, he goes, so my mom's in the window like waving. And he goes, man, I sure miss your mom's blowjobs. What the fuck? Really? Yeah. So now think about that. You got to think about your kid. You're 13 and you got to be like, what? My mom? My mom? Come on, man. Like, what? What? And then the whole time he just proceeds to tell me how unfair it is that support enforcement is taking his money and that I need to talk to my mom and get her to drop it or whatever. That's all the date. He didn't care about me. It wasn't about getting to know me. He just made fun of me, called me a city boy. And he said, I'll take you hunting sometime, which he did. He took me bear hunting right after that, which is the worst experience of my life. Um, I mean, I'd been hunting, but bear hunting with dogs is a brutal— yeah, yeah, brutal. Um, yeah, nuts. But, uh, you know, and I, I remember telling him like, I can't do anything about that. I can talk to my mom, but I don't, you know. And just thinking the whole time like he's trying to broker a deal rather than just try to But once again, the adults let me down. Like, they don't know what they're doing. He doesn't know what he's doing. Like, I'm— I'm— I understand. Like, I understand that I'm vulnerable at 13 and that I'm trying to figure things out, and this is all very confusing, and you could be the one place that I could get a straight answer. Like, I can't— I couldn't talk to my stepdad about anything. Now I can't talk to you, and really all you care about is getting me to talk to her. I'm a I'm just a thing in the middle. I'm not relevant to you in any way. You left when I was 2 months, and the only reason you're trying to reach out to me is because they're seizing all your bank accounts because you never paid child support because you're a deadbeat dad and that sort of thing. So then I go— that's when I was at Mountlake Terrace Christian School. Then We get kicked out of that house because my mom got in a fight with her roommate there. And so then we went to live with her best friend in the country, which is Vaughn, Washington. So her kind of best friends growing up lived out there. They'd built a cabin. So this house was a cabin they'd built on 20 acres. And it's the country. Like, this is the country. Firewood, like you cook on a wood stove, that sort of thing. Country. Yeah, you would love it. At the same time that that happened, her— so my mom's best friend's sister's son had been arrested in Kansas and was in trouble, and they'd sent him out. So he was living there and we were living there all in this house, and they had two kids, one girl my age and then a younger son. And, um, that wasn't a great situation. Me and her husband fought about everything, and, uh, I ran away a couple times. And him and I, it just didn't work. But meanwhile, that church there that they went to had a school. It was K through 12. There's like 30 people, K through 12. Nobody in 8th grade. There's like an 11th grader, and then most of it was like elementary school, but it was a Christian school in the church, but they were using the homeschool stuff. Oh, wow. If you can imagine. Yeah. And so I'm going to that school. You kind of got to understand, by this point, I'm blown out. Like, I can't concentrate. I can't think about anything. I have so much anger and just confusion or whatever. I would just stare at the wall. And so I didn't do my schoolwork and they didn't know what to do with me. And I'm there a couple of months and the principal of the school, who was the co-pastor of the school, calls me up to his office. I remember his office was in the peak of the church and I'm sitting in a chair in his office and he's sitting across from me in a chair. And he's talking to me and he says something to the effect of, are you going to do your math? And I was a smartass and I said, I don't know, or I guess, or I said something. And he stood up and he punched me. I watched the blood drain out of him after he punched me because he realized what he had done. I wasn't mad. Like, I kind of wanted him to punch. Like, I was up for it. Like, go ahead, hit me. Like, I didn't— I did. I also kind of knew that I could have fought back and had a pretty good chance. Like, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to fight. I wanted to give up, really, is what I wanted to do. And so the blood drains out of his face. I'm sorry, blah, blah, blah. 20 minutes later, my mom gets pulled out of, you know, she was working working part-time at UPS, part-time at the post office, and part-time at a gas station, like just trying to get on full-time somewhere. And she got pulled from work, and I'm sitting in the car in the church parking lot with her, and she just breaks. Like, she didn't know what to do. I've— I got, you know, we'd been kicked out of here. I'm, I'm not doing good in any of these schools now. I've been, you know, what, what do you do with— I got punched by the principal. Like, an adult hit a kid, and it wasn't like he spanked me, he like punched me out of anger, right? And, um, she just broke— I remember, like, I felt so bad. It felt so bad. It was, uh, it was terrible. So then not that long after that, I get in a fight with, uh, her best friend's husband and we're kicked out of there. And then the only option was for us to move back with my grandparents. And I kind of wanted to go back to my grandparents. When I'd run away, that's kind of where I'd try to go. Um, so then we went there I finished the school year. So, um, what happened right there in that minute was, uh, I got put in the public school out there for a little while. So that was a, that was a different experience for me now because, uh, it's been private, I'm much more homeschooled. 13, and this school has, I don't know, 500 kids. It's a big, big school in the country, you know, at all all the communities are feeding the school. And, um, it's a different world. Like, that's a completely different world. It's public school. You, you have all these options. Like, you had band, you had sports, you had things that you didn't have in a Christian school. But you also had, like, the politics and the fighting and the, you know, that sort of thing. And, um, so I'm there, I don't know, I think I went to that school a couple of months and then go to my grandparents. Then I went to the school there, the public school there. And then the rest of the time I went to public school through high school. So junior high and then high school there. But that year I went to 4 different schools and there was something interesting about that as being the new kid all the time. Like, I was the new kid when I would go around to those churches and they would do the slideshow, like I would meet the kids and I was the new kid, but I left. I was the new kid and I was there for a while. Yeah. And, uh, I learned— I kind of had to learn how to avoid confrontation but make friends. And, um, I never like really fit in because I was a drummer, right? So this whole time I'm playing drums in church. And, uh, so I have long hair and I'm, I'm a musician, but I also was really good at sports. And so I'm the soccer star. And I could play, you know, sports and I was athletic and that sort of thing. So it wasn't like I was a jock. It wasn't like I was, you know, heavy metal kid by any means. So yeah, it was just kind of like I, I never quite fit in, but I was always different. Like nobody could ever put me in a category and I never wanted to be in a category, but everybody always wants to put you in a category. Like I always think when people ask me what I do, it'd be way easier if I said I'm a plumber. Yeah, because I'm like, I don't know, what do you want? What do you want me to tell you that I do? Like, I do a lot of stuff. Yeah, I have a lot of interests. Yeah, I'm Chris Collins. That's what I do. Like, what do you want? What do you want me to say? Right? And so people just get— they just like, could you just tell me you're a lawyer, you're a plumber? Like, I just really want to put you in a category. Yeah. So then I can be done with this. Like, it's small talk and I think people really want to talk and they don't. They just want to know what you are so they can put you in there. They can put you there and then they know how to now behave. Is he important? Is he not important? Is he special? Is he not special? Like, people just— they're lazy, right, in that sense. And so it's the same thing in high school. You like, you know, you navigate that. Then in my junior year, I ran away once when we were living with my grandpa and, and stayed with this my friend Keith, who I'm actually friends with him on Facebook. And he, his parents. So I think I'm 16 when this happens. His parents go to Baja California, to Mexico for like 6 months a year and leave him and his brother in the house. His brother was a little older. They just leave him a lot of cash and they're kind of on their own. As much as I love my grandpa, my grandparents were raving alcoholics and it was constant fighting, constant nonsense. And so I'd run away. I couldn't take it. And I was very sensitive to arguing and yelling and all that. It just would drive me crazy. I went, I ran away and I lived with him for like 4 or 5 months. But we started throwing parties and we had this friend that would buy a keg so I could buy a keg. This dates how old I am, but I could buy a keg of beer for $45, a full keg. And you got the deposit, I think it was $20. And I had my own tap and Solo cups were like $2. You could get Solo cups. So I would, we would have parties at his parents' house in the backyard. It was fenced off and I would sell the Solo cups for $5. There you go. So I was making pretty good money. The only problem with that business model is the kids would come from all the different high schools and there would be fights. And when there were fights, the cops would come. And then when the cops would come, party's over. Party's over.

They know where the house is. Who owns the lemonade stand? Yeah.

Who knows? Um, yeah. And so that didn't last But I mean, there was always a way. I always figured out a way to make money wherever I was. There was some sort of— I was chopping wood, I was mowing lawns, I was selling Solo cups. Like, I always, like, figured out a way to make money and have, you know, have my, have my own money in that, in that way. The kind of the way that I got into being a lot attendant was when I was 16, kind of right before that, my mom was working at the post office and she had a Chevy Citation that had a bench seat because the mailboxes are on the other side of the car. So you, you would normally have a right driving car, but we couldn't afford that. So she had a Chevy Citation with the bench seat. She would sit in the middle with the mail and put it out the other side. Well, she had driven this Chevy Citation until the transmission went out, and then she ended up getting a real male Jeep at a government auction my grandpa helped her get. So she had a right-wheel drive, or what would you call that? Right-hand drive. Right-hand drive Jeep. But she told me, she goes, you know, you're going to be 16 pretty soon. If you put a transmission in that, you can have it. And so there was an RV lot like a mile down the highway from my grandparents that had a help wanted sign. So I went down there and applied. I interviewed with the owner and his wife. They owned a couple RV dealerships. They were really nice. And I got hired for the summer and I was a porter. So I would wash all the trailers with Simple Green. I would fill the propane for people. And then I would, uh, the technicians— remember the, the head technician, his name was Rudy— would have me, uh, seal the roofs of the RVs and the trailers when they would leak. And then, you know, you'd put a shower— they had this kind of barn with a shower— just see if it was still leaking or whatever. Which, that was a miserable job, sealing those roofs in the sun in the summer. Uh, but that was my first kind of go at being a lot attendant, was working there. I made the money to put the transmission in the Citation, and then I had a car. And it was— I don't know if you guys remember, but the year— there was a couple of years there where Chevy recalled all those cars because the paint would peel. Hmm. So the paint was peeling off of this thing like it was a— it wasn't a great looking car, but I had a car. I had a way to get, get around. But that was my first kind of job working in a dealership in a, you know, in a sense. I remember too, when I was filling the propane, this guy pulled up with a camper on the back of a Ford truck and he pulls up and stops and I come out because I know he's there for propane and he pops the hood and pulls the, you know, the dipstick. No, the positive off of the battery because that's how he started it. Was with— oh no way— the post, and the battery blew up in his face. Oh, and I didn't know what to do, and I hosed— I got the water hose and I hosed off his face, and then an ambulance came and the whole thing. But the— literally blew up, right? That's no joke. Yeah, that's not— no, start it. No joke at all. Like, I had a different respect for batteries. Yeah, after that. It's pretty, uh, pretty funny. Yeah.

No, that, that makes, um, like, just listening to all of that, um, no, so, so many, so many things make more sense. Like, no wonder people think you're psychic or, or like have a good read on things or insight or ability to connect dots, because, uh, because it was survival.

Yeah, you—

that was your choice. Yeah, was to read people or not. And then Yeah, that's, that's wild. And then like, just, just like listening to that story go from one adult to the next. So, uh, that's what I'm trying to wrap my head around. They're trying to have sex with me, and then you know what I miss about your mom, and then hey, my parents leave us alone for 6 months with a stack of cash.

Like the patterns of like just that disruption in itself. Yeah, yeah.

Also, when you're a kid, like, you're kind of the quiet one in the room and you just watch. And like, when you watch, you see that like certain things just don't add up. Yeah. Or they do add up. Like, you can see the good and you can see the bad. But in, in the time that I grew up, the economy wasn't great. Like, you're talking about Carter, Reagan, like, it wasn't great. And, you know, the first time the economy was good was Clinton. And I was, I was on my own by then. But you're talking about like jobs were hard, unemployment was high. Like my mom had a really hard time getting a job, you know? And, and just one day being like one day being a missionary and the next day it's gone. Like her, like the identity, like it was her identity, not my identity. Um, that identity was imposed on me, but I never— I know I was never wearing that t-shirt that I'm, you know, that I'm a missionary or whatever. But, uh, that's a hard— that's a hard thing. Yeah, during Carter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, uh, and then, you know, another thing is like, uh, like, you know, when you hear a story like that too, you can't help but, uh, be introspective and like As a kid, I never had a reason to distrust authority, right? But later on in life, I just remember as a young service manager, always thinking that the things that I saw that needed to happen, there was a reason that someone that made more money than me, that was smarter than me, understood why those things weren't happening. And none of it was ever true. Like, it was as simple as I thought it was. The things that needed to happen were the things that needed to happen. And so there's a healthy thing of, of, uh, of— I don't know if distrust of authority is the, is the right, uh, terminology or whatever, but like in your case as a kid, like your ability to connect dots and things like that, yeah, it's survival.

And then Well, I could see adults that were trustworthy. Yeah. Like, I had friends whose parents were who they said they were going to be like. Yeah, but they weren't. Wasn't yours. They weren't mine. Like, all the people that were around me were a mess. Yeah, my reality was a mess. I knew that it existed. Yeah, I could see it. Like, I had, you know, friends that their dad showed up when he said he should and was a nice guy and cared and worked hard and and cared about Mom and, you know, but that wasn't the world I grew up in. Yeah, yeah.

Well, and, and, um, and so I guess when I say like, uh, like at the beginning when we were talking about that before you took us on that journey— yeah, or, uh, yeah, I don't know, there's, there's got to be a better adjective for it than that. But, um, better adjective than what? Journey. Journey.

Oh, like, uh, Yeah, uh, well, you gave, you gave a new, uh, like clarity to, or description to us, things aren't a straight line. Yeah, like that's, I mean, holy crap.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And, um, but, but yeah, like the, you know, um, considering like, like all of those things and, and all of those insights, like When people meet you and there's that thing, one of the things I said at the very beginning was it's more simple than people think, right? You just want to have real conversations and you're really curious about who people are, right? So there's no— There's no angle. There's no magic thing or you don't have to be a business guru. Or whoever, you just want to know who they are. Well, I just like people that are authentic.

Yeah. Because anything else reminds me of, you know, people that are lying to me or aren't going to do what they say they're going to do.

And then you don't have time for that stuff.

And so I'll wrap it up with why I ended up in the car business is two things I was really good at as a kid was playing drums and soccer. And when I'm 17, I kind of have two choices. One is to try to figure out how to get good grades, which I wasn't a good student, but I was so good at soccer that when I was playing, like, literally my mom would be on the sidelines, like, with cards from schools that wanted me to go. Like, it, it became a thing. Like, I was on this premier team in Washington playing with kids older than me and killing it, like scoring more goals. Like, it would— it was always funny, like I would get on this, you know, better team and then a premier team, and they would always start me off in the middle. And then, like, midfield? Yeah. And then I was the— for, like, because I was big, but I was better at scoring than anybody else because I grew up in Mexico. And it was just this weird thing because in Mexico Soccer is a religion in Washington State. When I was growing up, soccer was the fifth sport, you know what I mean? And there were a lot of kids that were good, but nobody was as good as, as I was in that way. So it was a thing. Like, I remember my high school got together and they asked me to play, and I was like, you guys aren't good. Like, I went to a couple practices, I'm like, no, this is like, this isn't— no, I'm on that team, I'm on the state premier team, why would I— yeah, this is But they had a meeting and they asked me, they'd seen me and they kind of knew who I was or whatever. So growing up, I played in church, played drums 3 times a week, and then I was in bands and I was a really good drummer and I was really good at soccer. And I was trying to figure out— I had this moment in my grandfather's front yard when I was 17. Where I was. I built this wall that I would kick the soccer ball out so I could practice by myself. And I was out there just kicking the ball, practicing. And I was like thinking about everybody I knew and all the people I knew that had gone to jail and were failures. And just like, I felt like a lot of people around me didn't have it as bad as I'd had it, and they were victims. And I— and by no means do I think I had it the worst, right? There's always somebody that had it worse than you. But I'm just saying, like, I had some comparables in my life that I was like, you know, these, these people are, are doing things that they shouldn't be doing. They're victims. They're miserable. They're always down on their luck. They're always borrowing money. Like, They just like perpetually their own worst enemy. And I just had this moment of clarity of like, I'm getting out of here. Like, I'm going to do whatever it takes to be something. I'm not doing that. I'm not. There's no more excuses. Like, I just told myself there's no— when I walked in the house that night, I was a different person. Like, and I don't know what it was, but I, I could, you know, I can feel that. I can feel the air. I can, I can feel the soccer ball against the wall. I can hear it like it was a moment that's in a time capsule in my brain forever that I decided I was going to make something of myself no matter what. There were going to be no excuses. I wasn't going to be a victim. I was getting out of there like I'm getting out of there now. I got two paths and I'm trying to figure out Is it the music or is it the soccer? Because I would practice my drums and then I would play soccer. And I was on this premier team and one of the assistant coaches on the team had gone to the University of Washington on a scholarship, and he knew the coaches that were coming to recruit me and the whole thing. And so I, you know, to him, he probably wouldn't even remember this conversation. It was in passing or whatever. But to me, I approached him with the intention of like him explaining to me how this works, right? Because I knew you had to have a certain GPA, and I also knew that people would kind of like help you. You could get a tutor, or they would make sure if you were a good enough athlete, they would make sure that you had the GPA you needed. And I was falling into that, in, into that category because people when they would approach, I'd be like, well, I don't have the grades. And they'd be like, well, we can figure that out, you know, wink wink sort of thing. And I idolized this guy. He had like a Mitsubishi— what was that Mitsubishi sports car? Eclipse. He had a Mitsubishi Eclipse and a hot girlfriend. And like, he was, he was good looking and like had a good job. And like, I— he was somebody I would like to become. Like, I admired him and I asked him, I go, hey, so, uh, I'm getting these scholarship offers, and I— so at this time I'm in 11th grade, I still have another, you know, another year to go. And, uh, he says, uh, let me tell you how this whole thing works. He goes, you'll go to college, and then out of college you'll get drafted in Europe because there's no professional soccer. The only professional soccer in America at the time was indoor and it was a joke. Um, I— my, my cousin who I used to do landscaping with in the summer when I was younger lived next to the forward for the Tacoma Stars, which was an indoor soccer team, and they were broke as a joke. Like, it didn't pay. He was always doing jobs in the offseason. Nobody really went to watch soccer. Like, I'd gone, but it wasn't like the place was packed or anything, right? So it wasn't— you had to go to Europe if you wanted to play professional soccer soccer. And so he goes, I got drafted into a team in Germany. He goes, I went over there, nobody speaks the language, everybody hates Americans, the food sucks, it's the worst. I quit and I came home.

Awesome.

I'm not going that route. Drums. The reason why I'm in the car business today is at that moment I was like, okay, done with soccer. I'm focusing 100% on drums. I'm going to be a rock star. I'm going to make this happen. And so then I start playing in bands, go to Seattle and get a job at a car dealership as a porter to pay for band rent and buy drumsticks. That advice from that coach is the reason why I'm in the car business today, telling me that you get drafted to Europe. I got drafted to Germany. The food sucks. Nobody likes Americans. It's the worst. And I just wanted to come home. And me being somebody who grew up in Mexico, I'm like, I don't want to go to another country. I want to be in America. Yeah. I don't want to live— it was so dumb now, like, looking back, like, that would have been great. I would have had all kinds of experiences and learned all kinds of stuff and cultures. But at that moment, I did not want to leave America. I was so happy to be an American and be in America. I was like— and literally very soon after that, there was no more soccer and it was just drums. Like, I went 100%. I'm going to make something out of myself, and drums is the way out. So funny.

Yeah, it's interesting.

Just like that. A decision in a moment.

I like the focus, though. I'm glad you guys had the conversation.

Yep. Well, in the next one, we're going to talk about How I created the best service advisor training ever. I'm talking my own book. I believe it's the best service advisor training ever. But how, how I created it, and this all happens next in the timeline when I started being a porter in a car dealership.

Um, but the Tacoma Stars could have been pretty cool.

No, oh man.

That's funny. Wow. Okay. We'll see you next time on Service Drive Revolution. Thanks so much for watching this episode of Service Drive Revolution. We're uploading new stuff every day, so make sure you subscribe and click the bell icon so you don't miss out. If you have a question you'd like us to answer on the show, call 833-ASK-SDR and we'll answer your question on the show. That's 833-ASK-SDR. 3, 3, Ask SDR. For special deals on our books and training, head over to offers.chriscollinsinc.com. Now that's offers.chriscollinsinc.com. I'm Chris Collins and I'll see you in the next video.