Short YouTube segment in which comedian Chris Collins calls a phone sex operator named Diamond and asks her — as part of a personal fetish — to read business headlines (sourced from the Wall Street Journal/business tab). The exchange is conversational and comedic, touching on stories such as the arrest of Nissan’s CEO, men refusing to wear coats in winter, and CES disqualifying a sex-toy that had initially won a design/technology award. The segment closes with light banter and gratitude.
Chapters
Gotta figure out an intro for this for dirty business news of the week. But my fetish is like Louis CK's crazy weird fetish that got him in so much trouble. I like to call sex lines and have them read me the news. We made friends with a very lovely sex operator last time. Her name is Diamond. I'm really uncomfortable that the cameras are this close to me because I don't know that I want to expose this much myself to the Internet. But we're going to give it our best shot, Diamond.
Yes. Hi, who's this?
This is Chris.
Hi, Chris. I'm required to inform you that our normal rate of 7.99aminute has now been increased to 999aminute. And that's to ensure our high quality of sexiness. You can stay on the line if you agree.
Inflation is getting us.
What's that? Daddy?
No, I like it. They call me Daddy. So could you do me a favor, Diamond? I don't know if you remember me, because do you get a lot of weird fetishes?
All the time, baby. I love them. The weirder the better.
Okay, well, where does mine. So mine, if you don't remember, was that I wanted you to pull up a Wall Street Journal, click on the business tab and read the business news to me. So, of the fetishes that you get, how weird is this one?
It's different, but I like it.
It's not weird.
Nishan needs a new. Oh, I'm gonna need your help with this one, Carlos.
Go then. Apparently the Japanese car maker will be harder. Oh, yeah. And harder and harder to turn around now that it's enmeshed in a global alliance.
Yeah. Do you know little Carlos got in trouble? They arrested him in Japan. So he was the CEO of Nissan and Renault and I think he'd just taken on Mitsubishi. And they arrested him for like corporate fraud or something? To that extent. Because he was spending company money on personal things like condos and living a fun lifestyle. But he did a great job as a CEO. So he was doing a good job, especially with Nissan. Like he fixed Nissan and, and turned them around. So they. They arrested. I think he's still in jail in Japan. They. They fired him.
And they're going to need a new CEO. And I think that the fat Jewish would be the perfect CEO.
What's up with men who don't wear coats in winter? I don't know.
Let's go past the tip on that one. What does it say? Why don't men wear coats in winter?
Well, it continues to say, you've seen them, those stubborn guys who refuse to dress appropriately for the weather. And we attempt to understand their reasoning. Well, all I know is I don't wear panties in the winter. Actually, spring, summer, or autumn for that matter. How do you dress in the winter? Appropriately or inappropriately?
Appropriately. But I appreciate that you don't, and I feel like that would have been a better headline.
Listen to this, baby. CES and I don't know who CES is, but they gave a sex toy an award, but then they disqualified it because it's a sex toy. What?
So was it like. So CES is the big digital convention in Vegas. It's going on right now where, like, you know, Sony and all the big electric companies will unveil 45 million inch TVs. And so that's. That's a. That's a funny one. So CES gave them the award thinking that it was high design and breakthrough technology of some sort. And then when they found out it was a sex toy. So it must not look like a sex toy. It looks like a robot or an alarm clock or something like this.
It looks kind of like this one Filipino guy I dated once. So maybe.
How do you look like a Filipino guy you dated?
The color. The color.
The color.
Yes. The business whisper daddy.
I love that. Great job, Diamond. Thank you so much. You made my week.
You made mine.
The Dirty Business news of the week, brought to you by Ms. Diamond.
