Short video excerpt (conversation) exploring adult inconsistency, personal experiences of hypocrisy in upbringing, and how conventional leadership training focuses on external management behaviors rather than inner commitment. Speakers reflect on childhood examples of adults saying one thing and doing another, how that shaped trust, and argue that most leadership training teaches management (symptoms) not true leadership (commitment).
Chapters
Sometimes when I say things to people.
It seems like to me the most common sense, easy solution. Like I'm assuming that somebody wants the answer, they're asking me for the answer, or we're talking about something and they're clearly seeking an answer for a certain thing, then I give them the answer and then they're.
Surprise and.
Resistance to the answer always catches me off guard.
Yes, you've named it.
What do you mean?
You've named that whole experience. It's a thing.
Yeah. But it does make me feel different. Like I. Because it's not in the moment. I'm very engaged in the idea of helping them get. I, I feel like we're on, we're on the same page and then all of a sudden we're not. And it surprises me when we're not because everything going up to that point felt natural.
Yeah. Like you're arm in arm.
Yeah.
And then all of a sudden they go right, you go left, but they tell you they want to go left, but they go right. If that makes sense.
And so clearly there's something about me that's different. Like I've had a different experience in life that gets me to a point where I'm. I'm seeing things in a different way, Right?
Yeah.
And so.
I can remember at a very early age.
Coming to the conclusion that the adults would say one narrative that was a popular narrative and everybody agreed on that narrative, but the truth was something completely different. And just an abstract example that would be, my stepfather would say that you can't, you know, listen to secular music or watch secular movies or, you know, watch tv, you shouldn't have sex before marriage. Like all of these narratives about things. But then he leaves my mom for a 21 year old girl that he's not married to and he's having sex with her and it's like, well, wait, you said this was really important. Like this was, I'm going to go to hell if I don't do this. And now you've completely jumped off the ship. And not only are you not married to her, you're che, like.
And I, I never really believed you over here. You seemed miserable when you were saying it, but now it's like, yeah. And it felt like the adults were very inconsistent in it was.
Do as I say, not as I do. And you, if you're paying attention, you can see those incongruencies in, in people, right?
Yeah, for sure.
Did you ever feel that way when you're a kid?
Yes.
And how did you, how did you Process it.
Well, I, I remember my upbringing was if I called out the inconsistency, it was, I don't care. I'm in charge. Do what I say, not what I do.
Yeah, but how did you process that?
That because they were in charge, they could do it? I just accepted that that was, the inconsistency was a part of adulthood.
Yeah.
And so there's that narrative that all the adults agree on. So if my stepfather was around a group of people, they would all agree that you shouldn't leave your wife for a 21 year old girl. And they would all agree on that. But then what you do is something different.
Yeah. Super confusing.
Yeah. And that seemed like a pattern throughout. Like, you know, my father left my mom when I was 2 months old. Like it never seemed like the, the parents, I mean, that's why my generation is what it is or whatever is. I was the first generation where the parents prioritized themselves over the kids. Nobody was staying together for the kids anymore. That game was over. And so, you know, I don't know. My mom was married twice. I'd, I'd experienced two divorces before I was 13. And so a lot of what people would say and then what was reality, it just made me question.
Things because what was true seemed to be disguised in a bunch of rules and.
Formalities and guilt and consensus and agreeing with everybody. But that all was a, was a distraction from what really is true in the moment. Right.
And so.
When it comes to leadership training, and I think about like all of the leadership training I have been to in a sense and what most leadership training is about, it seems like that also in that most of what is taught is about the, the symptoms of leadership are the, the external side of it, but nobody's really talking about the fact that that's management.
Most leadership training out there is management training.
Thanks so much for watching this clip of Service Driver Revolution. We're uploading new stuff every day, so make sure you subscribe and click the bell icon so you don't miss out. If you have a question you'd like us to answer on the show, call 8333 Ask SDR and we'll answer your question on the show. That's 8333 Ask SDR. For special deals on our books and training, head over to offers.chriscollinsinc.com now that's offers.chriscollinsInc.com I'm Chris Collins and I'll see you in the next video sa.
