Excerpt from a YouTube interview in which Tembi Locke reflects on her ten years as caregiver to her husband (Sato). She describes lessons learned from his choice to be fully present despite illness, the emotional and practical strains on their marriage, and how his reading (the Odyssey) and writing helped him process dark moments.
This time on books, that changed my life. What did you learn in that 10 years as his caregiver, in watching that happen to somebody that, like. I mean, first of all, when you get that diagnosis, that creates all kinds of panic and weird stuff, but then watching somebody deal with that, like, what did you learn in that process? Just about us as humans? I can tell you what I learned from Sato was he had a capacity to be with. What was. What I mean by that is he didn't understand why this happened. He resented it. He was angry initially, but he said, it's also not. Not happening. And he said, so I just want to be as present and with you for as long as I can be with you. And I think what that taught me was he didn't hold anything back. He knew the stakes were high. He knew every day mattered. He knew every treatment was a roll of the dice. So he was in for like, full throttle, all plugged in, hold nothing back, kind of living, because he didn't feel like he had a choice. So that's what I learned from that, because I was riding sidesaddle and I was caring for somebody who was in that state of being. And it wasn't easy. He had his dark. You know, I have his journals. I know the darkness. But he had to write through the darkness to show up for his friends and family and me and our daughter with that force, that life force. It was the greatest thing I ever witnessed. I'll never, ever not know that. That that's possible. That's possible. And it was hard. I mean, it was, like, difficult on our marriage. It was difficult. A lot of challenge. I mean, it was all kind of hard things. And I write uncharted in all charted and like, I don't know, I've never been a caregiver. None of my friends, I was like 31, 32. Like, none of my friends were, you know, some friends weren't even married, let alone with an ill husband who was unemployed. And I was like a sometimes working actress. And I was like, what is this? How do we pull this together? I was like, give me whatever commercial, whatever thing I can do to keep health insurance. Like, it was literally there was so much pressure. And yet he found a way to make like, you know.
He said, I'm going to read the Odyssey again.
He read it in school, primary school, in Italy, growing up. He said, I want to read it again because I know it must mean something different now. That's the kind of person that I was married to. Chemo and the Odyssey. That's rough. Yeah.
