Change your life - Choose Vacation over Therapy?!

You never do know what's around the bend. Big adventure or brand new friend when you're curious. I like curious, y'all. Swag! Well, everything, everything is so glorious, glorious. And everything, everything is so wondrous, wondrous. Never gets old, you know, certain things. Well, I'll take it back. Every song eventually gets old if you play it too much, but I'm only seeing this song when I'm doing this, so it's still relatively good. In my book. As you can tell, I'm dressed for vacation 'cause that's where I'm about to go. Nice little festival shirt from Bluegrass Blue Ox in Eau Claire. Little shout out to an amazing festival and group of people coming together to create wonderful music. I am on the precipice of reaching 10,000 square feet high in Crested Butte in the beautiful Rocky Mountains. The snow's not been what quite we would've hoped, but I'm a perspective guy and I'm gonna look at the other side, which is it's gonna be amazing spring skiing. There's still gonna be good snow coming down. And it's vacation. Who doesn't get excited about vacation? A little spaghetti in the teeth there. So, crazy idea here, and something that I wanted to spend a little more time researching, is when we think about making significant change in our lives, what do we typically find, you know, helps us along that path? Well, I'm a big proponent of mental health and seeing a therapist, and I believe it should be normalized. Like going to see a doctor for your physical health. Your brain is just as important as your body. You should treat both with the same amount of care, attention, knowledge, and maintaining. So I wanted to look at this because I'd come across this a couple of times and I was a little skeptical, skeptical, but then as I dug in to understand a little bit of the science, cause it's what we do here, we get a little more curious and we want to learn. We want to understand why there's some things that stood out to me and made a lot of sense. So the idea being that we are more likely in our lives to make significant changes, whether that be to a relationship, a job, lifestyle, any number of those things, new hobby, artistic creation. I mean, you can fill in the blank, major change. We're more likely to make major change stemming from a vacation than seeing a therapist. And at first I was like, whoa, hold on. I was a psychology undergrad. And as I just said, I'm a big proponent of mental health and what we need for our minds to stay sane and healthy. So why is this? Well, what happens with our brain when we're on vacation? So we've got dopamine, which is the anticipation chemical, as it's called. So there's new sights, tastes, sounds, excitement, curiosity about wherever it is you might be going. Could be to see the Colosseum in Rome. Could be like me going to St. Lucia for my 40th last November. Beautiful mountaintops, lush green, a type of nature that I don't get here. So there's this newness. There's something exciting about it being different. And there's all these, you know, pieces of it as well. It gets into the culture part a bit as well, which I'll touch on in a minute. Then there's serotonin. So it's called the kind of confidence molecule or feeling good. And that really increases when we feel relaxed and connected with what's around us. And it regulates mood. So it's allowing us to be calm and relaxed. And where my brain goes is, okay, so this could be an indicator. If it helps regulate mood and I'm in a calm and relaxed state, I'm probably more likely to be subconsciously reflecting and to be in a state where I'm not having to worry about everyday stressors, bills, this clutter on my desk that you can't see, uh, this to-do list that's got a variety of highlighted colors depending on the task that needs to get done. You know, our brain is constantly wandering and distracted in this daily grind, if you will, in terms of what we're doing in our day-to-day lives. So being on vacation increases serotonin, and that regulates mood. I'm a big believer, and I'm sure you all can reflect and think about this, is often we have major breakthroughs or aha moments when we're in nature, when we are relaxed, when we take time to move into our bodies and go on a walk and, you know, eliminate distractions. I'd even encourage some of you, you know, we're so enmeshed in technology and our phones put the phone away, don't listen to that podcast, don't listen to even music, just go on a walk in nature and listen to what you hear, feel what's around you, really pause and appreciate the environment that is at your fingertips and beneath your feet. I don't think we do that often enough. We're always around technology and there is something about that that allows the subconscious to remain distracted, to remain unable to really process big things behind the scenes, right? So something we'll get into. And then there's oxytocin. So that kicks in and that lowers anxiety, 'cause I hope most of us aren't getting anxious about vacation. I mean, maybe you're a nervous traveler, you know, that's fair. So yeah, the daily grind, like I mentioned, cortisol, it's there for a reason. It helps regulate stress, keeps us alert. And if we're in some sort of intense situation, let's say a driver veers into our lane driving, well, that fight or flight Kicks in, we hopefully are, you know, flight, right? But it allows us to use our instincts to react quickly when situations call for it. So it makes sense that in our day-to-day lives, we're juggling a lot of things from chores to work-related tasks, relationships and planning, you know, maybe dogs and walks like me, uh, house projects. You see something, you get distracted, you want to do it. At least I do, you know, so that there's all these things, right? So we, want to be alert so we can be aware of maybe what's most important. And being able to get things done is a, you know, important thing to living our adult lives, as is relaxing and having fun. There is balance required, in my opinion. Um, and how much of so? Some people, I would say, could do a better job of that. I'd say in our culture, generally in the West, we work too hard. We push to this grindstone mentality and don't often enough stop to pause to give ourselves grace and gratitude for what we have accomplished, where, uh, we are, that we have this moment that we're alive right now. Um, all these wonderful things. And I'm not being a proponent of like, let's sit on the couch and binge watch a show, or let's go on like a 3-hour walk on a Wednesday. No, but it shouldn't be too hard to find time to, let's say, meditate for 15 minutes or go on a longer mile dog walk. Cause your dogs are going to love you for it and just be present with your environment and allow your brain to just relax, I think there's some important things here. So what happens when we're on vacation is this cortisol, this fight or flight, naturally plummets. Uh, hopefully we're not needing to be aware of crazy potential things happening. Uh, we're not going to Mexico and Puerto Vallarta, so there's that. So the parasympathetic nervous system takes over, lowering our heart rate and allowing the body to focus on cellular repair instead. That sounds important. It sounds cyclical to me. In other words, we should have periods of time where we're working hard and, you know, chasing these big things in our lives. And there's a point of pride in that. And there's something about, you know, good old-fashioned elbow grease, hard work that, you know, is good and allows us to grow as individuals, uh, whether through physical strength or, you know, feats of challenge in the mind, et cetera. But it's a balancing act and we need to be able to repair, relax, and come back. So Miracle-Gro for the brain is kind of what I've seen described as vacation, which, you know, essentially you better focus and more creativity on a vacation. And the more I thought about it, I remember being younger and going to Europe, really privileged spot for me to be at that time, People to People student ambassadors. And we were told about culture shock, things like you might have a bidet in France and there's no TP. Or you might see, you know, women that don't shave their armpits, which for a young 14-year-old, and, you know, boys and girls, like, there were things that would just be like, well, that's not what we do. Or we couldn't get into a water park for a period of time because we weren't requiring, or we weren't wearing the required swimwear, Speedos or banana hammocks. Uh, they made an exception for us Americans and we got in with our swim trunks, but it was Fun, funny, right? Because most of us growing up, if we saw somebody in a Speedo, that would be like, whoa, that's just weird. And it's nothing against that person, especially when you're young, you don't understand that difference, but it's just not normal and therefore looks different. And there's this culture shock component that some experience going on vacation. I never really felt that. I was always really excited to learn and see something that's different than what I know. And there's something about being in a new environment that gives you this permission, in my opinion, to let go of whoever you are and choose to be whoever you want. I remember feeling this way in school, um, coming out of junior high. I went to a camp after having some struggles with my self-confidence and went into high school more confident than ever, found out who I am at my core and felt more comfortable in my own skin. And that translated to confidence that translated to some amazing friends. Maybe one or two of you are listening right now. That's really cool to still have friends at 40 that I met at age 18, 19, et cetera. Um, but it's a new environment, so it felt like a clean slate, an opportunity to start anew. I felt the same in college. Uh, and I'm sure some of you can reflect and maybe think similarly, like who you were in junior high to high school to college isn't just about maturing and, you know, getting to, you know, develop you know, our brains and bodies, but you've maybe made some shifts because you had permission to do so because it was a clean slate and a new start. And that's a bit to me what vacation can be like is no one there knows you. They don't know your job. They don't know your habits. They don't know your personality. They don't know your music tastes or anything else. So you get to just choose who you want to be with an open mind. And it's liberating. I feel like, um, it's something maybe we don't really think about in terms of how we really define ourselves. I've always I've said to people that I care about, and not sure if you would agree, but we're too, too used to defining things in our culture where we have to have a neat definition that fits into this box because it makes us feel good to fully understand what something is. And something that I've been a big proponent is a big part of this podcast is there's topics that I've done stuff on, from artificial intelligence to immigration, I don't know. I learn more and then I don't know. And that's okay. It's what I learned when I was in Peru about the Incans. We learn more and we have more questions and we don't know, and that's okay. It's a healthy mindset to continue always learning, always growing, and that's what we're seeking to do. So vacation acts as this disruptive catalyst, right? So it doesn't, it's not to say that therapy's not important. So it's super important. And I think what therapy does, and you get amazing therapists, is, It lets you set the foundation and then the, uh, kind of the consistency and the work and the mindset shift and being more open to changes. Right? So because you're doing this work, because you have this humility, you have this awareness, you're in my opinion, more likely to see this vacation as a disruptive catalyst where you might suddenly realize I hate my job. I don't know why I'm still there. I need to really put some serious effort into changing and moving into something different. Or I don't like this relationship I'm in, and I need to talk to that person and figure out if we're really in alignment and have a discussion that maybe I didn't realize we needed to have, whatever that may be. There's a number of things. And if we have a great therapist, they allow us to be consciously aware of things that are important to us that we want to work on, that we're putting in, uh, these tools and integration work that we're doing in our day-to-day lives. But it's when we're on vacation, the chemicals that are released, as I mentioned, the oxytocin, the serotonin, the dopamine that allow us to be in a more creative mood, more relaxed, more reflective, and in a condition, in a spot where we're not defining ourselves by what is in our day-to-day. And that's when the aha moments happen. That's when the big realizations of this is what I want to do to make sure that I'm being honorable to my heart and myself and to be happier. And it's this transformative travel idea that reduces cognitive inhibition. So that's really what that is, right? Is you're thinking more creatively about your own life because any walls, whether physical, mental, et cetera, are gone. You have permission to be whoever you want to be on vacation. And if I want to be a handlebar-wearing, bluegrass festival shirt-wearing, good time-having ski bum that might get some raccoon tan eyes, enjoying mountain views with some friends, kicking back and just enjoying life, there's a pretty good chance that any transformative things that I've talked about with my therapist are going to be more likely for me to really throw into question and to do. So, small example, I've always talked about wanting to get more into like a creative artistic endeavor. Well, I have a friend that lent me a mandolin. I've learned a couple strings, but I haven't kept up with it. And I wonder if I go on a vacation— and I'm not saying it's this in particular, but then that kicks in something else that allows me to want to really push and to make some of those things happen. Because I think in our daily lives, you can get good advice from a therapist, you can have good intention and, you know, a to-do list with all the highlights and colors, but life can be hard. Life can be distracting. Life throws the unexpected at us, and we are human. We're allowed to make mistakes. We're allowed to You know, not maybe fully know the direction we want to go in a few ways, or, or just feel like we're lost in the art of exploring it. It could be any number of those things. So I, I'm going to dive more into this potentially. And I kind of like the idea where I do this part 1, part 2, because part 2 allows me to dive deeper into some research, look at some studies that may or may not have been done and really take, uh, uh, more in-depth lens, I should say. You know, we've looked at sort of the chemicals in the brain, uh, why the environment, why this mentality of slowing down on vacation can be a catalyst and be this disruptive force that actually has you change and does so more than working with a therapist. But it doesn't diminish or dismiss the therapy at all. They're a great marriage together because you need consistency and rhythm And that builds healthy habits that allows you to integrate work, and that allows you to sustain changes. Because I'm sure you can think of examples yourself, potentially. I know I have, or people you know, where you come back from a vacation fired up, like, I'm gonna go do this thing, I'm gonna start a band. You're like, yeah, I go out and get the instrument and I get my buddies together and we play in my garage. And then life gets busy and work gets harder, and then one guy can't make it, and then, well, the other guy's gonna go do something else, and, oh, somebody's gotta try to get us a gig. Ah, it's hard. I haven't been able to break through with anyone yet. Ah, and then it kind of just falls apart, not because you lack the passion or didn't want to, but because it can be hard. And if we don't have tools in our tool belt that a good therapist can help us find for ourselves or equip us with, some mental resiliency, the discipline and realistic steps on how we're going to improve. When I think about work that I want to do for myself, I've related it to golfing. I'm not very good at golfing. I'm starting to appreciate it a little bit more when I get older because I walk in with the mentality of just having a good time regardless of the outcome of the ball. And if I'm working on one, literally two things max, like arms as a pendulum, don't bend the elbows, eye on the ball, I'm going to work on those two things. Maybe it was three. Well, just say eyes on the ball, arms like a pendulum. I'm going to work on just those two things. Until I am conscious or not having to think about it. And I'm just doing it instinctively. And once I do that, then I can add on something else. It's not easy for us to want to do that because it means we have to slow down in life and give ourselves grace and patience to take a little time, because we can learn a lot from reading this awesome book or attending this seminar or listening to this TED Talk. Uh, there's so much, and this is the way our society is wired, right? We take a class at a college, whatever it may be. And you're given just this enormous wealth of information. It's ridiculous to expect yourself to integrate all of that work right after you do it. No, no, that just doesn't work. You, you have to pick one or two things and you have to be conscious about it. You have to be consistent about it. And then you have to reflect, do I need to change my habits? Cuz I pushed myself too fast, too hard. Do I need to challenge myself a little more because there's some inconsistencies? And how do I hold myself accountable? Like, those are healthy questions that we need to do and reflect about how we can, you know, make these amazing changes. We get one ticket in this life. Let's make sure we're doing our best to give ourselves work to be the best versions of ourselves without overwhelming ourselves. And by marrying the two concepts of therapy regularly in a healthy manner and vacations, 'cause you work hard. You deserve a vacation. You deserve a festival shirt, maybe a silly facial hair, you know, cut, or just an awesome fun thing or a good hat, whatever it may be. That's going to kind of give you a little whimsy, a little pep in your step. So I'm about to head on vacation here, and it's a beautiful day in the Twin Cities, but it's about to be even more beautiful in Colorado. So Chris Webb with Web More Curious Than George saying, I'll see you next time. Off to the mountains, mountains, king of the mountain, mountain, mountain.