Copy/Paste Post Mini Series: #1 - Transphobia

Welcome, episode 1 of the mini-series Breaking Away from the Copy-Paste. The first point we analyze: if a man pretends to be a woman, I must pretend with them. This isn't Halloween. This is not kids playing make-believe and I want to be a fireman or I want to be a doctor. This is a fully functioning adult that is in charge of their own agency and decision making a decision. Let's make that part clear, right? And a friendly reminder, as we go through this series, we are not here to try to convince the author, nor should we have any burden of trying to convince people of thinking and seeing things differently. That's the opposite of what we're trying to accomplish here. We're going to try to come at this and asking questions and seeking to understand and to grow and learn from that lens. That said, I'm also going to get fired up about things, as I'm sure you do. We're passionate individuals. The difference is We're not going to allow our emotions to dictate the logic that we choose to employ and use to find truth, verify data, and how we approach all these kinds of things in our lives, in my opinion. But anyway, I digress. Let's get back to the point and Win with Webb miniseries, breaking away from the copy paste. So pretending, as I said, this is an adult that's made a decision in how they choose to live their life. The first question I'd have from this author Is, do you understand the idea of personal autonomy? Personal autonomy is me in charge of my daily actions, my thoughts, sort of how I go about my day. So, if I choose to be a woman, and that's the choice that makes me feel fulfilled, happy, and like my best self, that means I might choose to dress More feminine. I might choose to present more feminine. I might choose to have interests and activities that align with more feminine activities. And how somebody is living their life and expressing their life in this way— when we think about personal autonomy, if you really think of those words, it's my choice, it's my agency if I choose to do that thing, the same as it is That person that is living that life, their truth. Another more simple question is, what harm is how someone else is living their life causing you? So, if we want to take a different route, I might ask this person if they're familiar with the Universal Declaration of Human Rights that Eleanor Roosevelt helped head up with heads of other countries back in the '40s. That is widely considered the standard for human rights across the globe. There are countless constitutions for countries— I want to say 90-plus— that took inspiration from these articles and these words. There's just an abundance of common ground found in these documents, and they say that we have the ability to have our own thought and conscience about what we do, That our lives and how we choose to lead them are private and our own to decide on. And another question I might ask this person, what about sovereignty? Do you understand what that means? That means that I own, as if my body and my way of living is like a territory and I own it. I get to decide What's best for me, not you or someone else. I'd also question if this person had the ability to really sit back and say, what if I wanted to live my life a certain way? Now, whether that's how they did their hair— I happen to have long hair. At one point in time, that would have been considered more of a feminine thing, and it would have been frowned upon or looked down upon. I don't care. I think it's excellent for me. I think I look wonderful when I do it, and that is my choice. in my body, my sovereignty, my personal autonomy, and how I present day to day in this manner. But I bet you this person didn't take the time to say, well, what if I chose to do this or do that? How would I be perceived? Nobody should have to think like that. If what you're doing isn't causing direct harm to others, Why does it matter? Why does this person care how somebody else wants to live their life? If it brings them a sense of self, peace, happiness, and an identity from which they can relate to, isn't that really what should matter most here? It's just Nonsensical why somebody would feel a need to make this about them when it has nothing to do with them. And this is another example of what I want to get away from. We know from a statement like this, if another man pretends to be a woman, I Am required to pretend with them. Where does that come from? To me, it comes from different times that maybe the world that they grew up in, there weren't people that were out in terms of transgender, and it's not something that they grew up with. So just because it's different and it's in that category of change which people struggle with, I don't like it. It's unknown. It's scary. And if we recall from the episode introducing sort of this miniseries, this author is operating from a place of fear. The opening statement before these points even start falling is about how we are being invaded and America will never be the same. Very big, bold, outlandish statements designed to pull at your emotions, to make you feel unsafe, as this author does. And if we're operating from a place of fear, we're not in our logical side of our brain. Any overly emotional state that we are in causes dysregulation, and we're incapable of thinking with our rational brain. If I'm operating from a place of fear, I'm also in defense mode. I'm guarded. I'm not open-minded. I'm not considerate. I'm not thoughtful. And that's important context in appreciating why, when we encounter some folks that are more ignorant or saying something like this that's offensive, is considering where it comes from. Doesn't make it okay, and I'm not trying to condone any of that. But to me, how I've been, for example, able to avoid conflict in terms of somebody trying to put their fists to cuffs and rile me up is recognizing that that person's projecting hurt, that something in their life is broken and it causes them to lash out in this way, to project, to bully, to put that hurt onto somebody else. And that's in a similar category to fear in terms of what this person's doing. They're scared of things they don't know. They're worried about change, and they're likely living in an insulated type of world where I would even ask them, do you even know anyone that's transgender? Have you met anyone that's chosen to identify with a different type of gender? Have you asked questions to even understand why somebody does this? It doesn't mean you need to do it for yourself. But I get back to that base-level question: should it matter? It's not causing you harm. If it's that person living their best life, does it really matter? And some might get down a rabbit hole in saying some people might think this, but really they're gonna revert back and do things differently. And even if somebody decided that I'm going to live my life as a woman and I was born a biological man, and then down the line change their mind, they're an adult. They have personal autonomy and sovereignty, and that's them navigating their own world and their own life. And it is not for you to dictate those terms, to judge them for those terms. It's just simply not your business, is what it comes down to. So really, I just— I get fired up about this, and I'm excited to share more on some of these because There are so many folks out there that I wish would just have more questions and consider things and dig deeper to understand the real reason why, because it gets at coming from a place of love, self-compassion, being able to then pour into others and consider that that's part of what, what makes the world a wonderful place is that we all have this autonomy and sovereignty and the ability to live the life That we feel is best for ourselves. And I bet you not a single person that is thinking in the way that I am would say any kind of phrase to this author about decisions they are or are not making. Let's say they eat too much junk food and they've gotten overweight. Let's say they're working a job that they really despise and hate. I wouldn't come at that person with any sort of judgment. But I might ask questions to better understand the circumstance because I care and I want somebody to live their best life. And if I don't understand something, then I should ask questions. If this person doesn't understand why somebody might live their life that way, maybe it would be helpful of them to ask questions. But here, we're not trying to convince you to talk to folks like that that maybe don't have the capacity or the willpower, the want to live a better life in this way. That's not our job. Our job is just to do better, to set a better example, and to show others that just because somebody else raises their fists doesn't mean we have to in turn. We can choose a better and a higher path. We can seek to understand and learn the underlying behaviors. And that's why I don't get fired up when people try to start a fight with me, which doesn't happen as much the older I get based on where I spend my time. And it doesn't mean I won't verbally defend my space or defend myself if somebody were to do something. But I can get pretty good at deescalating those situations and walking away, 'cause I recognize what's really happening underneath it all. And this is a person that is very surface. They see the tip of the iceberg. They don't even understand what's going on. So more to come. I hope you enjoyed this first episode of the miniseries, Win with Webb. See you next time. Bye.