Get Past the Ego to Get the Sale - LIVE CALL BREAKDOWN

All right, welcome back. So if right now you're struggling dealing with a type personalities who tend to have a little bit higher of an ego, so you're having a hard time really asking the right questions, using your tone to get them to open up and admit their problems. If that sounds like something you're running into, then I think this call review is going to be beneficial for you. Because in this call review, I'll be breaking down one of my client's calls where she ran into the exact same issue and, and how to ask the right questions with the right tone to actually start to get them to open up more. So if you don't know who I am, my name is Christian Polk. So I've been in the online selling business for over the past four years. So I've sold anywhere from B2B SaaS to online coaching programs, both B2B and B2C. And for the past two years, I've been with Jeremy Miner in seventh level, where I've also been a sales coach. And I've helped thousands of clients in hundreds of different industries ask better questions, overcome objections, use your tone, all that fun stuff. So getting into the call, just a little bit of background. So what the offer is, it's to help men, typically older, learn the right skills on how to find and date the quality of women that they're looking for. Okay. So this person has an ego that's a little bit caught into that, so they're not really wanting to admit some of the problems that they're running into. So I dive into how, how we can use our tone, get them to be more open. If you find this helpful, I would really appreciate it. If you like, you subscribe. But if you want help from me specifically, you can always just reach out to me on Facebook. So let's dive on into it, get everything all figured out.

Oh, there we go.

Yes, I'm. Well, I'm well, just trying to stay out of trouble. How about you?

The same. Or at least not get caught. That's the main thing for me. Yeah, it's a pleasure. It's a pleasure to meet you. What is your name? Okay, guys, it's beautiful. Pleasure meeting.

Pleasure to meet you too. So I know you originally booked onto my calendar today to talk about getting some possible help in the dating ball game, right?

Yeah. Yeah. You all are persistent with, you know, with making contact, which I think is good. But yeah, I thought that I would get on and at least see, you know, introduce myself and, and go from there.

Okay, awesome. Well, to start off with how long have you even been so.

So something you want to do? Like okay, so what he did, and it's very subtle is he shifted the like the power dynamics. Very subtly said like okay, well like you, you booked in this call and he's like, well you guys are very persistent. Okay, so now he's saying like, well you guys really reached out to me rather than it be the other way around. So it's like okay, but what I guess what did you see or what was it about like what you saw that really made you want to take an hour out of your precious time to come talk to me? Like he still came talk to you. So again we need to just shift it back. So again that's something that's very subtle that prospects will try to do is to take your power away. Again, they're the one reaching out for help. They have the problems. So again just a subtle thing you can do to just take it back.

Following Mark.

Maybe about a year, I'm thinking something like that.

Oh wow, A year. So you've been following her for a year I guess like what has she been going over that even had you wanting to look into us further?

I don't, I don't know if it was specifically content versus just, I don't know, just her energy and the way that she presents herself and some. Somewhat the content. But she just seems very genuine relative to other.

Okay.

Things that I've seen online or that friends or colleagues have told me about. So I think there might have been something specific but I don't recall, I don't recall what it is specific but I know that I purchased a package that I have never opened or used or any of that type of, of things. So I might, that might be okay.

So again now that is something that we're out always like put it in the back of my head if they've purchased something like a smaller tier product or something along those lines and they've done nothing with it. So specifically when we're dealing with the, the like the top half of solution awareness, that's when we're really going to need to like attack in action of like you've even bought some things, have done nothing about this like what's really prevented you. So that's just something to keep in.

Mind be how I'm on your radar screen.

Okay, got you. Cool. So how we usually do these calls, it's, it's really.

So again he's like. And it's super subtle but it's something you really need to be aware of is he. Again, like, I'm on your radar screen. You came out to him, but that's not the case. He booked in time. So, like, like, that's why you need to start to shift that immediately to like, basically tell them, like, you know, you took an hour out of your time to come talk to me or 30 minutes. However, these long. These calls are to really shift that back, to really put him more in the position of, like, why is he here? Not, what do you guys have. Because you keep on bugging me. Right. So we need to. We need to make that shift really simple.

It's like, more for us to understand, like, what's going on in your dating life right now, what results you're getting from that compared to where you're wanting to be and really see what that gap looks like. See if we can come in and help you out potentially. And if you feel like we might be what you're looking for towards the end of this call, then we could talk about next possible step. So would that help?

Okay. Yeah, no, that sounds great. That sounds great. And I. I will be as candid as I can with any answers to any questions that you give me. Yeah. Just so that we could. We can both make a good assessment, you know.

Yeah, of course. Awesome. So just. Yeah.

Yeah. I would hope you would be open and canon with me for sure. Right. So it's like you kind of play around with them a bit, but then you're also rewarding the fact that he said he's going to be candid and open. Open.

It's like, what were you kind of hoping would possibly happen by us working together?

I. I don't know. I. I don't. You haven't asked me this. Maybe they did in the, in the little survey, but the fact of the matter is my social life is pretty active. It's. It's as active as. As I can handle, but not necessarily the quality, should I say, of quality of people that I'm looking for. So maybe I don't know if there's a way to, you know, help in that regard, but I. I don't know. Right. So as far as what an in.

Game, what do you mean by quality.

Though, might look like for me that that would be helpful. I don't know until we do a little bit more, you know, have a little bit more dialogue, but I don't have anything real specific in mind. Oh, it's easy for me to meet.

He did just say, like, it's not the quality they like, so that, that is the problem. That's where the conversation needs to be taken.

People and talk and that, that type of thing is pretty easy for me generally.

Sure. Gotcha. So I guess like, walk me through what you're doing now to meet quality woman. I know you said though, you go through social gatherings and stuff like that. Walk me through that.

It's something I know. I don't go to a lot of social gatherings unless I'm in a work environment. I will say again, just being candid and not.

So the reason why, like that question may or may not land is we just don't have the context going into it because he said something that's very broad. They're not the quality of people I want to be hanging around. It's like it's such a broad statement that you don't know what he means by that. So just ask him, well, what do you mean by like they're not the quality? And then that's going to give you a little bit more direct direction.

You know, there isn't any pretense by. But I'm relatively high profile in what I do in my area, you know, my geographic area. Right. And so I go to a lot of social events because I'm invited as a. Yeah. You know, the head of a nonprofit or I'm performing or something of that nature. And when I meet people in that environment, they, they are part of my sphere, for lack of a better term. Right. And I'm pretty private. Very private. So that the idea of establishing certain kinds of relationships with people in that sphere is usually not real attractive to me. Although, I mean, I, I have done it. But, you know, the idea of, oh, I'm. I'm dating or whatever. I'm not 100 comfortable with that. With that being out there all the time.

Absolutely. Definitely. So what are you doing to be able to meet the type of woman that you are looking for?

Probably, probably not a whole lot proactively, you know, sort of happenstance. I, I will say, and I may have said before, I've been told on numerous occasions or at least several occasions. Yeah, you're too busy and too, you're too. You work too much to really date. I, I've been told this quite a bit and I believe it, but it's not like I'm a workaholic. It's not that type of thing. So in answer to your question, nothing really, I would say nothing that proactive as far as going out and meeting the.

Okay, why is that quality?

But I don't know so how long have you kind of been doing nothing?

Three years, I would say.

Oh, wow.

Three years.

Yeah. As far as being proactive. Yeah.

So as far as being proactive. Well, what, what kind of marked you? Was there something that happened that caused you to not be so proactive three years ago or.

No, no, no, it's okay. I, I dated and was married for a total of 32 years.

Wow.

So most people know me in that environment. So the last three years or so is after my divorce, I didn't spend much time going out and trying to be proactive that way. I did, I spent a little time and what I ran into was not what I was looking for. The type of women that I was meeting out either and out in certain kinds of social situations or online or what have you.

What was the type of women that you were meeting like?

Yeah, some interesting. All the way that I would describe it would be very, very result driven. So from the standpoint, we might meet and converse two or three times and then they will say, okay, I, you know, I want to be exclusive. I want you to. I've decided that you're the person that I'm going to communicate with exclusively. Now can we do that type of thing?

And what was missing from them? Yeah, like what would cause, you know, not want to be exclusive and want to be in a relationship with them.

In most cases, we just didn't know each other that well. They knew very little about me. Those in, in that situation, they knew very little about me. So for me, that, that kind of immediate sort of commitment was a little bit off putting because we hadn't known each other that well. They don't know. Yeah, they don't know.

But we also need to dive into the, the quality aspect. Right. Like, okay, well, they're wanting to dive right into commitment. But are they of like the type of quality is he talking to? Like, the type of quality, whether it be attractiveness, like whatever he would define as that. Like, that's why we need to know what he meant by quality. But are they meeting that standard? And if he's not wanting to commit to any of them? I assume not. Right. So then we got to understand, okay, what do you feel like is causing you to have these conversations or go on dates with women who just aren't the, the quality that we're looking for. Like, what do you feel like they're actually missing?

Oh, if they really want to be, you know.

Yeah.

Exclusive to me because they don't know me.

Absolutely.

It's that type of thing.

Okay, got you. And I guess like, what's caused you to kind of, you've been going like, you know, doing the same thing for the past three years, not really being so proactive. Like, I guess what's caused you to want to try something else now?

Yeah, there's a, again, to be, be candid, there's a term that you all use. I think it's something like oneitis or something like that. I don't remember exactly what the term is. And so part of what I think.

The pickup community and dating culture is pretty funny just in general, that's a.

Side note, but was interesting or curious to me was there are a person or two in my sphere that, yeah, it would be, I know enough about them that it would be interesting to escalate things to a certain place, but I've known them for a long time.

Yeah.

One is not possible because they're married and they're married to a friend of mine. The other. Yeah, the other would be just a matter of, you know, you all have talked about escalating things or escalating things with friends that have been friends for a long time. That would be a little bit of a. Of interest. But it's oneitis. In my case it would be oneitis, if that's the right term, you know.

What does that mean?

I think it's a term that I heard Marnie use, meaning being focused on trying to get attention. One particular person.

Yeah, gotcha.

And generally that, generally that's not me, but there is a person who, I mean, you know, is, is of interest to me and it seems to be mutual, but we've been friends for a long time. They were former employee of mine, so there are a couple of things that for me they're, you know, that I would have to navigate at least in my own mind.

But besides just navigating some of those different social things, like what's actually prevented you? Well, he's probably asked, well, how long have you been feeling this way about them? And then besides some of those different social things, like what, what's, what do you feel like actually prevented you from, you know, escalating things, at least trying on mine. Because then like that, that that's going to lead more to a skill gap of how do we escalate?

But that person, you know, that person is not the beacon necessarily. But if there's a person that I'm looking for, it would, they would have these particular qualities. It's that type of thing. And I only know one person, at least so far. So I'm looking for someone who maybe has similar qualities that. That might. Yeah. Does that make any sense?

Yes. Like this person. You. This person has ideal qualities, but there's some factors that are like preventing you from really progressing, including learning how to escalate or including knowing how to escalate. But they've also been your friend for.

So I. So again, we're. We're assuming a bit with the problem. Right. So he, he said like, that would be interest of me, but he hasn't expressly said that he doesn't know how to escalate. So we need to ask a question in a way to get him to say that. Because the problem is if we allow him to, you know, he touched on it a bit, but his main focus was on external things. Right. Like, I've known her for a long time. I used to be her boss, you know, like all these different things that, like, you can't help him with, those are going to be things set in place. That's a life, that's external. We need to ask a question to get him to talking more about what he's missing internally that's preventing him from changing his situation for quite some time.

And you're like, okay, this is a possibility, but it's not what I'm exactly focused on. This is a great example of what I like though, is my understanding.

That's very good. You, you're understanding me very. That was very accurate.

Okay, cool. So I guess like for you, like with the results you have been getting, like, what's your reasoning for wanting that, you know, potential possible outside help or coaching instead of just going solo and just seeing if things work out and if, you know, you can potentially find somebody else like most guys do.

Yeah. So, yeah, again, to be candid, it's been more about what I admire about you all, but you've been persistent. But the way that I've seen things, it's like, well, I don't, you know, not that I don't need coaching. Again, I'll be 100 candid with you. Most people that if they were to describe me, they would describe me as a ladies man. I'm not a player, but I enjoy the company of women more than most men. But I'm not a player. I'm not out and doing, you know, a whole lot of things. So the idea of, you know, it's very easy for me to talk and meet new people and like I say, I'm relatively high profile in the profession that I am engaged. So.

But what's actually preventing you from being able to know, escalate with the type of quality of women that you're actually looking for. Like, we need to stick on. Stick on the problem because, like, a lot of the problem or the big thing that we're running into right now is he's been married for a longer time. He's also, you know, known in the community. He has a certain type of image of himself of being very comfortable talking to women. So he's having a hard time admitting that he wants help. Okay. So we need to be even more precise with our questions and where we're taking the conversation because he's not going to come outright and say it. So right now he's trying to protect himself and protect his ego. Like, that's. That's really what's happening right now. It's not that he doesn't need help or he doesn't. Like, he knows he doesn't have the skills to do what he wants. It's just like, it's hard for him to admit because he does have an ego attached with him being well known.

Right.

So that's really what it comes down to here.

People tend to know at least my name or in my little area. You know, it's not the big. So that type of thing is. Is. Is okay for me. Our talking right now helps me to evaluate whether. Yeah. Whether I need, you know, coaching, as you say.

Okay.

Yeah. So. And. And this is. This is going to be a big downside to just letting people ramble on and on because you have to understand people think by talking. Oftentimes this is the first time again he's seen. He's been following her, taking tips and tricks here. But like, it finally compelled. He finally was compelled enough to, you know, hop on a call. Then we need to direct his thinking to focus on again, like, what are the actual problems? What is he missing? What is that leading to? What actual impact is that having on him? So we need to have more direct. We need to have a more directed conversation on what's actually missing. Why does he feel like. Or like, what does he feel like he's missing right now that's causing him not to be able to escalate on the type of women that are of quality in his mind. Oh, like this, this, and this. You know, you can expand a little bit more. Like, what do you feel like is missing? Like, what might be causing that? What does that typically lead to? How does that make him feel? Right. So we need to really be able to pull out these problems. And because, like, we're. We're not interjecting when we need to, or we're not redirecting when we need to. And he's allowing himself to ramble on. He starts to. Because of his ego so attached to the way he views himself, he's starting to talk himself out of, well, no, I don't really need help. So that's what's happening right now. It's. He does need help very clearly. Like, it's been three years and he hasn't met or hasn't been able. Well, he's met two women that are of quality that he thinks in his mind, but hasn't been able to escalate with either one of them. Okay. One of them being married.

Right.

But besides the point. So it's like, what's been preventing him from, like, number one, finding if he doesn't want those women, what's preventing him from finding other women of that type of quality? Or number two, what's prevented him from escalating on the woman that he does know who is that quality and, like, how long has he known her? Right. But he's been single for the past three years. He's been dating for the past three years. What's preventing him in the past three years of doing anything about it? There, like, there is no way that he can then just continue to say, like, he doesn't really have problems because it's like, he had, like. And again, that's why we need to be precise with the questions that we're asking and let me know if you have any specific questions on. On those.

Okay, got you. Definitely. So outside of speaking to me today, like, have you looked into any outside help to get you, you know, back into the dating ball game, learn those relationship skills, and eventually find that quality woman you are looking for? Like, have you been. Like, have you looked into any outside help?

No.

To help you with that? No.

Right.

Well, I guess, like, what's prevented you from doing that in the past?

I haven't. Haven't seen a need, so.

Oh, you haven't seen any.

Again, to be candid, and I don't know if I. If I'm saying this accurately, but, yeah, my social life is as active is. I would want it to be with a variety of friends and acquaintances and meeting people and them saying, okay, yeah, oh, you're the one that I'm interested in. We need to be exclusive, all of that type of thing. And so. And I back away. I tend to back away a little bit from. From that, you know, Also the, the people, others that I've known for a long time, and they are, oh, wow, I can't believe that I'm with. And I can't believe this. And oh, can I, you know, can I put this on social media or can I. Oh, they won't believe that. That we're here. I get a lot of that, which is. I'm not. That's not good for me.

Yeah.

So again, like, he, again. And it's just, it's due to like, like him, like, with like, just the way he views himself. So again, he's telling you about, like, it's active, but if you notice, he never says it's where he wants it to be. So there still are things missing. So we need to get him to focus on, like, what's actually missing. Now he's talking about, like, he's with these people or with these girls. He's not really being super direct. It's. It's hard to decipher what he's actually saying. But if I had to take a guess, he's with women who are, you know, either not used to his lifestyle, that he probably can't tell if they dislike him or his lifestyle and the women who are more used to that lifestyle who are of higher quality. Again, this is going to be a shot in the dark. You don't know unless you ask. He's not able to escalate or move things forward with them. So he still doesn't have what he wants, but he just keeps going back that it's active. But that's not. Like, again, like, you kind of. You just have to understand he's not really answering or being direct with some of these different things. Okay. So it's like, just need to sit in the pocket a bit, probe, understand what he's actually saying, and then dig deeper on, like, what's actually missing and why in the past three years, if he knows it has been missing, he's done nothing about it.

That's not good. Yeah.

Okay, well, let's say we were able to, like, come in and we were able to teach you.

Yeah. And I see what happened there. Like, he was starting to go down a rabbit hole and you didn't know how to get out of it, which is fine. So you just moved on. Which, honestly, it's probably the best option you could go is if, like, you're going down a rabbit hole and it's like, you don't really know where to go. And he's really more just convincing himself that, yeah, things are still Active. That's like, okay, we don't know where to go, but what needs to happen? Like, if we have a better problem and really been able to flush that out, we're not going to run into that right there. We might. We're not going to. Typically, if we do, you're like, what do you say? Like, as active. Oh, well, I'm like, I'm seeing people and things like that. But again, like, are they the type of quality that you're really, like, looking for? So what's prevented you in the past three years of finding ways that you can actually start attracting or escalating on the type of quality of women that you've been looking for? Okay. And if you didn't see a needle, it's like, well, why, why, why didn't you see a need? Like, what shifted for you here more recently that, you know, just makes it to where. Cause I'm sure you just didn't wake up today and be like, okay, now I want more quality women in my life that wanted you to look into this and actually start taking this thing seriously. Like, what shifted here more recently? Because typically, like, what's gonna happen? You just have to understand the psychology of the buyer. So especially if he's been following you guys for a year, he's getting all these emails, he's watching videos from time to time. Typically, what caused him to actually book is something hap that happened to him recently. So you, like, it's good to get that out of him because typically it's a problem that solidified what's been in the back of his head, or like, something happened that solidified what's been the back of the head. His head. As far as, like, the problems he's running into, whether, you know, he is dealing with, you know, a girl that was of lower quality or he saw a moment when he could have escalated on, like, a girl that he wanted to, and he wasn't able to, like, whatever it is. But if you take a look back here recently, what. What actually shifted for you that, you know, had you wanting to look into getting that higher quality of woman and take this thing more seriously. Like, he's gonna have to give you something, and what he's going to give you is, like, a recent event that more solidified that problem in his mind.

You know, advanced relationship skills like we do with our other clients. Like, I guess for you being able to have those skills, being able to go out there and actually find a quality partner that meets your standards, like, what would that. What would that really do for you? And how would your life really be different than it is now?

Something that is going to be very helpful because when you talk about quality woman, it's very subjective and it's very ethereal. Meaning it's up in the air. It's hard to define. So that, like, that started from the very beginning. Like, how do you mean by quality? And it's like. And then he did mention earlier, like, she has the type of qualities I'm looking for. How do you mean by that? Like, what. What type of qualities are you actually looking for? Or even, like, let's say we don't get any of that information. We just ask kind of like beforehand before we do go into that. Like, what's your ideal outcome? Like, let's say we're able to come in here, really teach you those skills that you're looking for. Like, what are you really looking to get to? Like, what's your ideal outcome? Then he's going to talk about, oh, I want to deal with more quality women, blah, blah, blah. What does that actually mean? Can you paint me a picture? I want to use visual language to get him to actually start thinking. Thinking about that quality woman is like, is there, like, a body type? Is, you know, is there. What type of qualities are you looking for? Like, really get him to paint the picture of his ideal situation, Whether it be one girl, multiple, whatever it is. If it's one girl, I'd really get him to paint the picture of what that ideal girl looked like. If it's multiple girls, like, kind of walk me through, like, what type of women are you wanting to be dealing with? And then from there. So, like, then let's say, like, you're able to have that. That dating life. What actual difference would that make for you? And because it's a lot more tangible and he just sat there, like, visualizing either, like, the woman or women, then it's like, oh, like, it's gonna be able to get a lot more tangible outcomes. The problem is right now, and I'll listen to it and see where it goes, is since it's, like, so ethereal, it's gonna be very hard to get him to give you tangibles. Like, like, you know, touch grass, like, make it real for him.

It is now being able to have that.

Yeah, Yeah. I could be candid with you. I don't know. I don't know. I. I don't know. What?

See, there we go. See, he doesn't know because it's not real. So, like, just spending that extra time when they do say things like quality or they have the type of qualities I'm looking for, spend some time, get him to expand on that and, and going into it just like. And you can probably pre frame it a bit. It's like, I'm thinking about this on the fly, so it's like. Yeah. And when you're dating, what we tend to notice is, yes, skills are important, but knowing what you actually want is probably just as important. And dating should be fun. So really paint me a picture. What does that ideal dating situation actually look like? Are you looking for, like, one girl to kind of settle down with? Are you looking to date around? Like, what are you actually looking for? And they're gonna tell you, right? So you can kind of paint the picture both ways. They say, like, one girl, what's, like, what does she actually, like, look like? What are the type of qualities that. That that ideal person would have? Oh, this, this, and this. Like, and you kind of play around with them. Oh, does she have, like, long hair? What type of hair? She had, like, you know, type of eyes. Right. Get them, get them to visualize something. Or if it's multiple girls, like, what type of women would you. Would you mostly be, like, dealing with. Are we dealing with what you're gonna be a guy that has, like 20 women around or like, ideally, like, what do you want that to look like? Oh, no, maybe like three or four. And they'd be like this type of girl and things like that. Okay. Yeah, man, I could definitely see it. So you being able to have like, that, I guess, like that dating life where, you know, you had whatever they said they want, like, what difference would that actually make for you? So now it's real. So just spend that extra time of, like, getting them to visualize what it actually is.

Know what that, what that would look like different from where I am now? Yeah, I just don't. I don't know. That's an honest, very honest answer.

Is this important to you to actually have somebody in the future?

Yeah, I mean, yeah, I'm at that place in my journey. Yeah, that.

Why is it important?

Yeah, yeah. To find someone to share, you know, someone special to share it with. Yeah, it's important.

Why is it important to you, though? Why is it important to you now? I guess.

And. Because I'm a little bit tired of doing the tired variety of things and having to try to keep people at bay, for lack of a better term. That's, again, about the most honest.

Yeah, yeah, no, that's fair. I'm Just really trying to understand you, that's all. Yeah. So.

So, like, if we're just very light and curious, then it's going to make it very disarming. So sometimes when you are interjecting, it can come across just because, like. Like we're a little bit detached from the conversation. Like, we're not in it. We're not like, huh. Yeah. And like, interjecting throughout the conversation, then, like, we're kind of pausing and then asking the question or asking two questions at once. It can come across a little bit jarring in a way. Okay. So it's just something to be aware of. But even at this point, it's really, like, not that noticeable. He's just being a bit guarded. Okay. So it's just like, we need to ask that extra question. Like, what do you mean by, like, tiresome. And like, I'm just kind of have to, like, you know, juggle multiple relationships, keep people at bay. But I guess, like, those people you're keeping at bay, like, are those the type of women or type of people that you're really wanting to associate with? Or, like, why are you trying to keep them at bay? Like, what's going on? Oh, like, they're not really the quality. Like, he's gonna have to tell you, like, why he's keeping them at bay. And then, like, that's. That's really where the gap is. The people who want him, he doesn't want, and the people he wants, he doesn't know how to get. So. And that just comes from. We need to be able to build that gap in his mind, make it more real in his head, and then that future picture is gonna make a lot more sense.

So. Yeah. So you being able to actually, like, have that partnership at all, like, do you feel like if you could really think about it, like, what would really change for you? Just having that by your side? Yeah.

Okay. The things that. That I do, I have someone to share. Share those things with. I travel a lot as part of what I do. I. I don't know if I mentioned. Huh. And so, you know, having someone to, I don't know, travel on the European tour or go. I'm in the presently, I'm in the now. I'll be here for a couple of weeks, then. Then I'm performing in Colorado and spending. So having someone specific. Yeah, that type of thing. And the people that I socialize with now, some of them would be okay, but then it's, oh, I can't believe I'm going to Colorado. Yeah, it's that that type of thing if that makes any.

You want more of an authentic relationship external from like you're the social pressures of it all.

I think that's a good way. The way that you articulated. The way that you articulated. That's good. Yeah.

Okay, well, you having that authentic relationship, like how would that really feel for you? Someone who you can travel with and like you can have.

So I would try to again like make it more real before we go for a feels question. Like how are things actually be different though? Like on a day to day or you know, throughout your life. Like you having somebody who's there, who's authentic, who's of the quality you wanted to be. Like how would things actually be different then than they are now with this, this and this. And it's like, okay, so you being able to have. You might probe like, oh, what do you mean? Well, you actually been able to have that. How would that actually feel? Right? So it's like we have a little bit more tangibles before we get to that field question.

Have that private authentic quality relationship with that can keep you company and you know, share these experiences with you. How would that feel?

That would be, that would be satisfying if I had it in. Yeah.

Awesome. Okay.

Okay. Because like the, and and like so that's like, that's a, it's a lukewarm response that he did. Like. Yeah, I feel good because like what we're. And just so you understand like what we're looking to get out of a question like that is we want him to pause him to actually think about it. Like he's going to look up and visualize what it would actually look like and tell you that it would feel good. Like you can hear like there should be a shift in their voice. Like. Yeah, that would, that would be great. Would it? Yeah.

Yeah.

Right. So like that, that's really what we're looking for right there. And a lot of that's going to come down to you making it more tangible and it's like odd. Want somebody to like travel with me or, or things like that. Like, oh, like well why, why is that? Like what would you. Would you guys be doing? Oh, we'll be doing this, this and this. Oh well, why is something like that important to you? Yeah, I know. Like, yeah, I definitely like doing that for sure. So I mean if you, if you really had to sit down and picture it visual, like if you, if you looked in the future, you know, you being able to do like have that picnic, you know, out, out on the lake, you know, in between, in between your concerts and really like, you know, be with that person who really enjoys you for our authentic self, like at that moment, like how would that actually feel? Now again, I'm making it up because it's going to depend on like what he finds valuable. But if you see like I'm like, I'm getting it to a very specific visual place and asking how that feels rather than it being a little bit more ethereal up in the air because it's just not going to extract the type of like emotion that we're needing.

Okay. So if I'm understanding you correctly, really just coming in because you're in a point, you're in a good place in your life, but you just haven't had too much success recently with the woman being. Success meaning like finding the quality partner that you're looking for.

I would say that's.

Right now you're just wanting to see what you can do about it so you can eventually find that quality partner. And having that quality partner, like you said, would be so satisfying to share life with. Does that sum it up?

That sums it up I think very well.

Okay, awesome. So based on, you know, what we've talked about today, so I'm going to.

Go ahead and skip the presentation here. Seems like. Okay.

Okay, awesome. So how we'll do this.

So the Just be wary if you do say, okay, awesome. Like whatever your tick is, mine was always, I guess, I guess. Right. So just, just be. It's something to be conscious of. And the more you're conscious of it, the more you'll naturally just start to take it out. It can just come across as taking away some power or making your conversations a little bit more chunky than what they should be. Right. So less conversational.

This, it's you. It's over the course of eight weeks sometimes essentially and you will be doing 12 one to one sessions. And then.

Yeah, there was one aspect of it that I, that I thought yeah, that could be beneficial. Although I probably won't re engage in, in this sort of online social thing. But I think it's fantastic. I don't think it's for me.

Okay. Why do you feel like it's not for you?

So as an example, early on you mentioned that, you know, I would. The idea would be to get me back out, out into social events and the kinds of things that I would need to do to meet the type of person that I'm looking for. And as I mentioned to you earlier, and it's not a Number of people say to me very directly, yeah, you work too much. Are you too busy really to date? So when you mentioned that, the very first thing that came to my mind is, wow, I probably go to three or four balls or social events or something like that. Not a week. That's a bit of exaggeration. But I do quite a bit that if I were assigned to do more, it wouldn't happen. It just wouldn't happen. From a time standpoint, it just. And so I take the criticism that. Because it's true from people that say, from. From women that say, yeah, so this.

One'S definitely an interesting one. And, and it might come down to again, once we start to understand, like, the type of, like, quality and what he means by that and then that he is very active, like, is like the. The type of quality woman that he's looking for at these events. Okay. And then if they are, what's preventing him? So if that's one of your pillars and he's brought that up a couple times, then you just need to ask the question of, like, okay, are the. And the women that you're meeting or at the women who are at these events, like, are they the type of quality you're actually looking for? And if they are, like, what's preventing you from being able to move things forward with the women who are of quality? And if they're not, would it be worth it for him to. Instead of going to a ball or social event, we go to, we substitute that out with your help for an event that the women of quality he is looking for would be present. Okay. Now a lot of this is just going to come down to because we didn't really find or dig ourselves into certain problems, that there's just a lack of urgency there. So it's like, we don't have a lot of leverage to get him to either change, like, what he's currently doing or. Or for him to find the time. So I like this. A lot of what's happening right now is more of a symptom of, like, the problem of not digging into the pain or not redirecting him to the thing that's actually important.

Yeah. James, you. You're wonderful, but you. You just too busy today. Okay. Yeah, that, you know, so when you were mentioning that it's one of the first things that you said, I thought, yeah, that will be something that just won't be effective because I don't have the, you know, simply just.

And then plus as well, if we were more, like, concise in the in the top half of solution awareness, something like this will probably would have came up and it would have been easier to get commitment that they're going to make the time rather than just keep doing what they're doing now. And then how important is it for them to actually find that type of partner who can actually travel with them?

You know, again, just don't have the time.

Do you feel like when you do travel and stuff, like just when you go out and about, like when you see beautiful women, like just being able to integrate these skills in your day to day life would help.

Okay, yeah. Again, it. The. That is not. That hasn't been a problem for me. And that may surprise you. That may surprise you. But yeah, that hasn't even. Even when.

And so the problem is right now. So we're trying to solve his like, his value concern without truly knowing what the problem is. So it's very hard to direct the conversation just because we weren't diving deep enough on his actual problem.

When they don't know who I am, that isn't a problem because I pretend like they should know who I am and that's always, you know, you know, I'm kind of thing and it's always an icebreaker. So that hasn't been a problem. So when you're mentioning about the skills, it's hard for me to answer because I don't know what the skills are. But from my perception, yeah, just going out and meeting attractive women isn't. Yeah, that's. I, I don't feel like I have a, an issue with that. And I think other people would, other people who don't really know me would also say I don't have an issue with that. But me, since, you know, like I said, I'm a personal person, I mean a private person. The, the type of thing I'm looking for. Yeah, I haven't, Yeah, I haven't found it yet. So that's a long answer to your question. I'm sorry.

No, no, you're perfectly fine. Okay. Well, it was really nice to meet you, Jane.

Yeah. Like at that point. And I do know you said like you're, you're back to back with like 30 minute sessions. So again, like it can be tough because you're running up on time then. So a lot of it's going to be, you know, just in the discovery process, finding the actual pain, finding what he's actually looking for. How is that different from what he has now? Because he's telling you, like, oh, like I have no problem you know, meeting attractive women, but they're not what I'm actually looking for. So what is he looking for? What's preventing him from actually getting that, Preventing him from progressing those things forward? Why, like, what's actually causing him not to be able to escalate? Like, so we can get more tangible on the actual skills. He doesn't have what he's running into. So a lot of that is just. We allowed him to be surface level, and if we allow that at the beginning, then we're pretty much giving him permission to basically, like, not dive deep, kind of basically. I don't want to say lie, but just stay surface level, not be as straightforward as they need to be for you to solve their problems. And then like, just subtle things like him taking. Taking the power, you know, and then just like, oh, well, it's. You got, like, putting the focus on you. Like, you guys are persistent, not really wanting to open up about his actual problems. So we just need to spend extra time, you know, again, frame it in a way that he booked in the call and then being able to ask the right questions to pull out his specific problems, that's what's going to get him to actually be able to open up. Okay, so if you have any questions on this, just go ahead and let me know, but we can dive more into it on our. On our next session, but let me know if this was helpful.