676 Evolving as a Leader with DANNI VEE Mentor, Coach, and Thought Leader

Welcome back to the Next Level Life podcast. I'm so excited for my next guest. I feel like this should have happened so much like so many months ago, so many years ago. I can't believe it's taken us this long to make this happen. But I have invited the beautiful Danny V. To come and join me. And we've been connected for such a long time. We've both been each other's clients, which has been so cool, and we've now become friends. And she's such an incredible coach, and so I wanted to bring her on and talk about leadership. So, Danny, thank you so much for joining me today.

Thank you so much for having me, Christine.

I can't believe it's taken this long for us to organize this.

So excited to be here. So excited.

We spend so much time chatting and talking in between, like, even our own session. So Danny was a client of mine. She's been a part of the Next Level Mastermind. And then I've been a client of hers before, her now evolving into the space that she's in now with leadership. And we've evolved even as coaches together, which has been so beautiful to see. So, Danny, can you tell us a little bit about your journey because you've been in in leadership in general for a long time. And tell us a little bit about your journey in business.

Yeah, so I've actually been a business owner for over 25 years now, which is a long time.

But we look so young.

I know that's why people can't believe it. And so I actually started out as running a piano teaching school all over Brisbane. I used to teach in the Catholic primary schools. I studied classical piano at the Conservatorium of Music, and I did that for many, many years. And when I fell pregnant with my first child, I just had this complete change of life. I wanted to something different. I wanted to be someone different because I was like changing my identity into a mom. So I started studying my health and fitness and I started up a mother's health and wellness business. And so that really just started out as like a small little boot camp thing. And then I brought in babysitters. And I guess this is really when the leadership started rumbling. Of course, when I ran the really successful piano teaching business, I was a leader within myself and I did actually hire some staff, but I was very young then and it was just sort of a messy type of thing. And this is, I guess, the evolution of leadership, isn't it? And then when I stepped into the health and wellness business, I quickly found out that my clients actually needed mindset help rather than fitness. So then I started my NLP and I became an NLP practitioner and I really started bringing mindset into the, into every part of my business and really started becoming a leader within myself so that inner authority that you know, you and I speak about all the time. And then, then as that morphed and grew, I started working with a lot of business owners and, and just speaking about mindset and things like that. And then when covert hit, I had to completely pivot my business and I moved into online for the PT stuff. And then I also was asked to speak in containers or organizations overseas because they didn't have to pay for me to fly anymore. Everything was virtual. It was really easy. And that's when I became really passionate about speaking that to leaders myself because I knew then that I could speak to these leaders, I could teach them to have that inner authority and then that would trickle down into all their people. And also going into the home life really, especially during that Covid period. And then, yeah, so that's morphed and grown and then now like I'm just so blessed. I work with really large organizations, I have a mastermind, I have a membership, and then I still get to do the PT work, like just a little bit on the side and it's just like, it's just all my passions in one.

I love that, I love that you shared that you got, you get to actually do all part of that and all the passions in one. Because I think sometimes in business it's almost like we can get stuck in this one space and thinking, oh no, I have to just do the one thing. But you've worked out a way to actually blend all three. Well, not actually or blend them but actually still be able to do all three. How does that even work while you're also running a family?

A lot of self leadership and radical responsibility. I just have to be responsible. And honestly, you know, it's not all rainbows and butterflies. I would be lying to say that it's easy. You know, there's days, a lot of days that I'm getting up at 3:30 in the morning to fit everything in. And you know, because movement is really important for my mental well being. So I have to make sure that I'm doing that. You know, most days every week I ensure that I've got time to do the building of the business as well. You know, I'm launching, I'm actually launching a podcast next week. Oh my goodness, that's really exciting. Yeah. And you know, just making time for that type of thing is really important. Important. So having that structure, having that time frames and things like that.

Yeah. Amazing. And so you mentioned a little bit about the inner authority. Can we start there? Can you tell us what does that even mean for someone who's listening, never heard these terms before. What does that mean?

It's really knowing who you truly are. So there's three pillars that I speak about with this, and that's self respect, self acceptance, and self love. And when you really nail what that means to you, you have that inner authority where you lead from within instead of looking for that external validation. And, and so self acceptance looks like really not taking judgment of where you are right now. This is actually a big thing that you taught me, Christine, is like not judging for where you are because, you know, for someone like me, which Christine knows very well, I'm just, I'm always wanting to be better. I want to improve myself, I want to be better than what I am today. And learning to really not judge where I am today is really helping you lead with that inner authority. Yeah. And self respect is just, you know, if you don't respect yourself, nobody else is going to respect you fully because you're not going to be able to accept that respect. So respecting your time, setting boundaries for yourself and for others as well. And of course, self love, you know, taking that time to really embrace who you truly are and you know, doing that mirror work, understanding that you are exactly who you are meant to be. Yeah.

This is the most powerful work that you can do. Honestly, like, I feel like it's something that every single woman needs to go through in order for them to get to a stage in their life where they're again, not looking to others externally for validation. They're not struggling, stressing about what they look like or what other people think of them. And also having the boundaries like the respect piece is massive. And I think sometimes where we have so much conditioning from the past that affects us in our ability to even have that self respect or have those boundaries in place. And I feel like, you know, there is a lot of conditioning for us to not love, not love ourselves, that we always have to keep fixing and changing. I'd love for you to bring this into the leadership space for us. What are you noticing with the leaders that you work with? How does this show up for them in their space?

Definitely. So they shrink down and they don't actually come to like, I guess the boardroom with the voice and the strong authority that they really have within themselves because they're, they're judging themselves so they're not accepting themselves. So it's showing up as really shrinking down to not be as powerful as they could be. It also shows up as, you know, not having a team of people. So if you've got a team, it also shows up as not having a team that actually do what you want them to do because you don't know how to communicate that. So it's loss of language and communication as well. And then the other thing that I really find is that, you know, I'm a big believer that we all should be leaders. It's not just, you know, the large organizations I work with, you know, I work with business owners that don't have staff as well. And being a self leader is, it really shows up when you're not using that self leadership. It shows up that you just don't have any boundaries. You're a people pleaser, you, you're always bending yourself for others and then burnt out, overwhelm all of those things that.

Come with all of that, oh, 100% speaking my language. And I feel like as well there's that piece around that self leadership. Like as business owners, we have to motivate ourselves. Like there's no one else telling us what to do. There's no KPIs that other people set. We have to motivate ourselves. And I think that we've been taught a lot when it comes to motivation, a lot from a masculine space, would you agree? Like we're constantly. When it comes to motivation, it's push, it's be hard on ourselves, it's yell at ourselves, berate ourselves, ourselves, which actually erodes self love and self acceptance when you and self respect, actually when you.

Think about it, yeah, completely agree. And then that's understanding what feminine and masculine energy looks like, you know. You know, Carl Jung is such an incredible man. I just love everything that he came to the world with, with his neuroscience and really understanding that, you know, having that balance as well. Because I actually don't believe in motivation. I don't think motivation is a thing. It's discipline. So it's that radical responsibility. You can't, you know, you can't always motivate yourself, but you can always have discipline. And so really finding that discipline which is masculine. So what is that side of you, the feminine that you could balance it out with? Well, you could use your intuition, you could use that intuitive side of you is how am I going to discipline myself to get to that point.

And we can discipline ourselves with love, discipline ourselves with hate. Right. I would imagine you would see this in the body space as well. Like from the PT space around how we're constantly being told to, like, judge ourselves or hate ourselves enough to make a change. Whereas that doesn't work. Right. It doesn't actually get us very far.

No. And your body knows. So if you love yourself into moving your body, you do it because you want to make yourself feel better and find that really that deep. Why, like, that's something I'm very passionate about speaking to my PT clients about, is that, you know, you're here to move your body and make yourself feel better. So if you're wanting to punish your body, it's actually going to react to that like your body knows. That book, what It Keeps the Score is an incredible book to read if you want to learn more deeper about that. But yeah, just really loving yourself and it's the thoughts and the words that you're saying to yourself as well while you're doing that. So that discipline, you know, being kind to yourself, it's back to that self acceptance, being kind to yourself for where you are to move forward when you need to.

And so you mentioned a little bit earlier around radical responsibility. Can you talk us through your concept around this? Because I think sometimes as coaches and I want to be conscious of, like, people listening. As coaches, we use a lot of random language and, you know, and it makes. It means a lot to us. Right, because we understand the concept and we understand what it's entitled, inspired to do. But when you, when it comes to radical responsibility, what does that mean? What does that mean to you?

It's really ownership of self. So ownership of where you are, of what you do, the mistakes you make, you know, ownership of the decisions that you make and really not putting the blame on others because we've got a choice of where we are. Every, every instance of life that you're in, it's a choice that you've made. And sometimes that's really hard to actually take because you, you know, you think, oh my goodness, this isn't my fault. Well, you chose to be in that moment then and there. So I'm taking really radical responsibility about that. And when you do take that ownership and that radical responsibility, it gives you a choice. And so that's what I really like about that radical responsibility. It's going to give you a choice because you're taking ownership of where you are and you can change that so you can reframe it. You can start, you know, making different choices.

I love that. And it always comes back to creating more choice. And yet we've just got to be conscious there, I think as well when we speak about this, because sometimes when we think about taking radical responsibility, sometimes people then could then not only just especially when we talk about not blaming others, they can blame themselves. And that doesn't help either. Right. So I'm also hearing from you that it's almost like we're coming to a level of acceptance with it to be like, well, that's, that was the decisions, but what can I learn from that in order to change my future decisions?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that really goes back to what you were saying about that masculine feminine energy. Like, lean into that love and empathy for yourself and really be okay with where you are and that self acceptance. Yeah, definitely.

So talk us through the leaders that you work with. Like, are you experiencing that some leaders or some business owners that come to you have not really heard any of this and it's so new to them. So, like, how did they perceive leadership in the world?

Yeah, so the way that I teach leadership, I think a lot of. I'm actually really surprised with how the world's turning. Like, a lot of business owners and leaders have, are really starting to lean into that holistic way of really serving themselves.

That's great.

Yeah. It's been a big shift in the last few years. I do find, though, that, you know, they don't really understand that well, not all of them, but there's a big majority that don't really understand that leadership starts from within. So they, they, they're looking for the outside. Why is my team not doing this? You know, why. Why can't I communicate that? And so they, they learn how to actually have that inner authority again and learn the communication and language. So, you know, when you, when you learn communication and language, you learn how to speak to the person in front of you. So that's a big thing that I teach my leaders and business owners is, you know, who are you speaking to? Can you change the way that you're saying that so that it, you know, and yeah, I'm very passionate about communication and language when it comes to that. Like, it's a big thing for leaders.

Oh, 100%. I always, like, always have that saying in my mind whenever I think about leadership, especially coming from corporate myself. I always used to say, the fish rots from the head. I know it sounds horrendous, but it actually is so true that, like, if you think about leadership, right? We think about the corporate structure. If the leader is not leading well, they're not having their own inner authority and they're not leading from a place of actually wanting to support their people and understand that they are the reflection of their people. That, you know, I always look upwards. Right. So if the team isn't performing, it's not the team's fault, it's the leader's fault. And that's again having radical responsibility. And how can we look to that leader and be like, yes, how do we improve yourself in order for the team to then be able to be improved? Because anytime, it's always a red flag. I was talking to friends of mine on the weekend and one of my friends who's in a corporate job and they were saying like that they've had a huge middle management leave, like lots of them leave. And I'm like, yeah, you got to look above for that. There's a reason for that. And so I love that you're helping them explore that in a whole new level. Because it is, you're right, it's a communication piece. It's the allowing them to really look within themselves. Because leadership has changed so much over the last 20 years that if people keep leading from the old masculine way of just do what I say, it doesn't work anymore. Right. Like people up and coming, younger generations, they're coming in, going, well, I'm not here for that. And they just quit.

Yep. Yeah. And it's already starting to happen so much. Yeah.

So tell us about some of the problems that you experience with the business owners, the leaders that you're working with, and how you navigate some of those challenges.

So I guess like I said, one of the big problems is not being able to communicate with their team or even, you know, business owners that don't have a team, their clients and, and being able to overcome conflict resolution and stuff like that. Because I find that if you don't have that inner self love and that inner authority, conflict is really quite confronting. So you come at it at that, that masculine energy and I'm going to fight it. And so that's one of the big problems that I find that comes across. And like for you, this is your, your jam is this money mindset, then you know, when the objections come up, it comes, you can come across as that masculine energy as well because it's kind of like a defense mechanism, if that makes sense. Another big thing that comes up for me is also just understanding what people want. So if you're not really. If you're always looking for the outside, if that makes sense. So you're always looking for that external recognition. External, external. It's very. It's very focused on how can I please instead of how can I help others? Does that make sense? So when. When I help them shift that and like, you know, they. They leave lead from a place of service they really can listen to, like actively listen to their clients or their team or, you know, a part of their business owners, you know, there might be a partnership or something like that. Then they start understanding how they can serve instead of like, you know, how can I.

Yeah. Or trying to be right or trying to be the one that looks like they know what they're talking about. Like, it's actually more from a place of curiosity and awareness to be like, okay, how can we come to the solution together? Rather than it be a conflict. Yeah, I love that.

Yeah. And being okay with being vulnerable as well. Like, you know, when you have made a mistake, owning up to that, like, again, that radical responsibility, that self ownership, like, but also when you own up to that, showing the lesson you've learned, so then it shows that you're moving forward through it so everybody else can come with you.

Oh, I love that so much. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I wish that my past leaders had. Had that ability to do that because I think you learn so much through the way that they present themselves and handle themselves through that challenge, those challenging times as an employee. Right. You see that? And if I don't handle that well, oh my gosh, that can like, erode the relationship for sure. Like, I've seen that happen time and time where they've handled things really badly and taken offense to it, taken it personal when really it actually wasn't about them at all.

Yeah, exactly. And then don't even speak about it. So it's always this underlying thing that's never been dealt with. So imagine that vulnerability coming out and saying, this is a mistake I've made. These are the lessons I've learned. So this is what we're going to be doing moving forward. You know, it'd be so much respect, so much respect.

Oh my gosh. And such strength. That's amazing. Yeah. And so tell us about a little bit more about the evolution that you see from a leader who goes through this phase of understanding the inner authority, doing the work work that it actually takes to unpack that and start to implement those changes within their business and. Or within the organization. Talk us through the evolution that you see.

So I Guess I'll speak about one client that I have at the moment because she's been working with me for about 18 months and she's been a private client, she's been a mastermind and she's just, she's, it's been phenomenal this, this stepping into leadership that she's moved through. And so when she first came to me, she was very, very much didn't have a voice, she didn't, she didn't want to speak about herself. It would be so nerve wracking going to a networking event because she was always worried about people judging her and, and she'd never show up as herself. And so the evolution of move, you know, working through those limiting beliefs, understanding what actually what she wanted to be. So finding those aligned goals, so those inner goals instead of the external goals, if that makes sense. And then as she's moved through all of that, just recently, I actually got a text message from her last week and she went to this networking event. She goes, I just walked in and I could feel that my presence was like seen. And you know, she was able to speak about her business so easily and she, I think she got a client out of being at that event. And you know, she says, I've never gone to an event and felt so relaxed and happy and so. But she really does, I can feel it when she walks into a room now. She's just got this authority about her that's so, so respected by everybody around her and it's just showing up in like business like her business is exploding. She's developing her own personal brand now. So it's just, it's just level upon level. And as you keep on, you know, moving into that leadership, you just keep expanding within yourself though, if you know it's not on the outside.

Oh, so good. And so what I'm hearing from you too is this element of like how it sounds like she was. There was an element of people pleasing before or an element of where she was trying to please other people.

Deep, deep belief. Yeah, deep, deeply.

And it's funny because like when we as I'm coming as a recovering people pleaser myself, you think like when you consistently try to please other people that they'll then respect you but it actually doesn't bloody work.

No, they just trample all over your boundaries and you just keep on letting them do it. Yeah, yeah, it's true.

And then when you find that inner self respect and then you actually set your own clear boundaries, then they respect you and you're like, what Have I been doing my whole entire life?

It's such a, it can be such a scary journey though, too, right? Because when you do start setting those boundaries, you know, people do fall away. Like I said to you, this journey isn't rainbows and butterflies. You know, people fall away and it's like a morning process as you become, you know, start being the woman you were always meant to be. It, it can be like going through a morning like that change curve because you do have to let things go.

You're right. And honestly, like, I've gone through that so many times and it is hard every single time. And yet I think one of the biggest things I always learn through it is like how I evolve as well as a person and what I'm allowing myself to receive and what I'm allowing into my life. Because what you let go of is sometimes, yes, there's parts of it that was good and parts of it that you really enjoyed with that person. And sometimes you have to have that self awareness to be like, was that relationship good because of what they brought to the relationship or friendship or was it actually because you like made it good? I'm trying to explain what I mean, but like I heard someone else talking about it and it was in a dating analogy and it was like a TikTok video and she was saying how like I, she was like, I look for someone who's entertaining or who is funny and she's like, but what I realized that every time that I got into a relationship with someone, it was actually not because they were funny, it was because I was funny. And then I just enjoyed and made myself laugh and then they laughed and I thought we were having a good time. Yeah. And so sometimes you have to realize too, like when you think about the friendships, I'm a big believer of like having that give and take and having, you know, the support go both ways. And sometimes you don't realize sometimes as a people pleaser or a rescuer, you give so much of yourself to make the relationship good that you have eroded so much of your own boundaries and so much of what you should have been giving. Really, like, sorry, I'm saying this wrong. Like you erode so much of your own self worth and your own self respect by giving so much of yourself to the other person just to make the relationship work. When really they're not giving, they're not giving it all, they just continuously take. I know that you've experienced this before as well.

Deeply, deeply. I know exactly what you're saying. And, and you know, I guess it just all comes back to that self respect and self acceptance because, you know, when I was in those relationships, I didn't fully accept myself, was always judging myself. Like, you talk, you were talking about the rescuer and, and the people. Please. Like, you know that that persecutor in your mind, that mean girl in your mind was always telling you, well, you know, if you just try harder, if you just try more, you're gonna get more and you know, they're gonna like you more. And so you just always keep that tie going.

Yeah.

And yeah, when she's. Once you step away from that, it is really empowering. Like you were saying, it really does bring power within yourself. Yeah, yeah.

And it is sad to let those like relationships go, but I think what it does do is actually open you up to better relationships that people that are actually willing to meet you where you're at. And I feel like I've had that evolution happen so much throughout my, my business journey. And we must say too, like, this impacts your business on so many levels. Like the types of clients that you attract and what you deal with in different containers that you run all the relationships you have to become codependent with your clients and that doesn't serve you at all. Like, I remember the early stages of my business. That's honestly, I experienced that so much that again, I was doing the same thing, was like, if I just keep giving and then proving my worth right, then the relationship will get better. But it wasn't until I actually work through releasing that and really working on the wound of the people pleasing and where that came from and healed that part of myself. In order for me to be able to set those clear boundaries and believe that I was worthy of receiving what I, what I was worth. Like, I'm receiving a better relationship and receiving better clients and you know, allowing myself to really stand strong in those boundaries. And like you said, like, it is an evolution. Like it's, there's no better word for it, evolution. Because you evolve and you grow and it's hard and you have rebirths and you have deaths.

Oh my goodness, that's so true. It's so true. And it's funny how you say that, you know, the clients that you attract as well, because I know especially I found that in my PT business and I was going through so many evolutions in my PT business and you know, there was two instances that the exact same thing happened. And when the second time it happened, that was like the light bulb moment of like, ah, this is the lesson, I need to take ownership of this. It's not them, it's me. And that's where I'm saying, like, it's not nice to realize that, that you know these horrible things and these people are being so unkind to you because you've allowed it and they think that they can. So, you know, yeah, it's, it's very, very exciting and confronting at the same time.

And I imagine that you're very similar to me, that you then attract clients that are now going through that.

Yeah.

Like, because we've healed it. Right. And we're able to then coach other people on it, you often have those clients come in that are experiencing that within their own lives. Like, I helped you with the elements of that too. Right. And so it's, it's so beautiful to see that evolution. And I'm sure you have moments where you're like, oh, I remember that. I remember that pain, I remember that fear. I remember that conflict and not knowing what to do about it. And now you have the tools. I've imagined that you approach the situations now very differently.

Yeah, very much so.

So good. So talk to us through. What is some of the surprising things that you see when it comes to the leaders doing this type of work? Is there anything that's, that comes up in the organizations or any of the leaders that you work with that you notice that is almost like surprising to them? They're like, oh, I can't believe that this is something that, that is coming to the surface for me with regards to leadership.

Oh, definitely. People pleasing surprises them, really surprises them. Also the lack of boundaries. So, you know, I find that when they start understanding communication and language that the lack of boundaries that they had. So even when I think about large corporate, like I even help them putting together emails and doing different responses so, you know, they'll send me what they were going to send and I suggest like, you know, restructured into, you know, the type of language that will be heard better. And they're so surprised on the different impact that makes exponentially for them. So that's a really big thing that they, they always surprise with is that, you know, doing that and also doing the inner work. So when I actually speak to them about doing the simple inner work, not even really deep things that I do work with, with my private clients, but if I'm in big corporate and I do like a little bit of, you know, hypnosis or NLP practice, they are so surprised what that small little activity, I call it, does for their Whole lives. And, you know, there's these ripple effects. And, you know, sometimes people will come back to me and say, you know, that that activity we went through, this is what came out of it for me. Even just recently. I was at an event this week, and I was running authentic confidence workshop for a chamber of commerce, and somebody actually had, like, a complete breakthrough and was crying about what the realization that came up. But all I was speaking about is, like, that inner truth and understanding the. The stories that you're telling yourself, and that's why you don't have a voice. But then because of the way that they heard it, that realization was just groundbreaking for them. So, yeah, it's. It's really interesting, those deeper ones that come up. And like I said, it never used to be like that. I'm sure you would understand that as well. It's. People are really starting to want to understand themselves. Yeah.

Which is so good. So good. So needed. And it's. And I think that, like, a lot has evolved for sure. And I still get surprised sometimes, though, when I have conversations with people and I. Sounds bad. But, like, in the mainstream that haven't heard of coaching before that are completely outside our world, there's still times where I'm like, wow, the simplest of little things that we took for Grant. We take for granted in the coaching space of just simple little mindset tools that we learned. Right on coach day one of coach training, like, sometimes we share those types of things, and it has, like, a massive breakthrough for people. Like, I still. It still blows my mind that there's still so many people in the world that don't even consider shifting and changing their mindset will help their lives.

No, that's exactly right. And there's one really key tool that I've been surprised with every single time with my clients is that I share a journaling prompt that I do every single day. So every morning, I wake up and I do my journaling. And I don't know if you remember, but I was always anti journaling f my feelings, so it's taken me a long time to get there. So what I do every morning is to set my intention for the day. I simply write, I choose to be. So I set an attention of the person that I'm choosing to be that day. And then I want. So what do I want to get out of that day? So, you know, I want to make a positive impact when I'm on Christine's podcast, you know, so writing that type of thing every single. And that's all I do, because I've only got about five minutes. I do a little bit of reading, I do my journaling, and then I get on with my day. And the amount of people that I've shared that with and the impact that it's made on their lives has been extra, you know, just so powerful. And that has surprised me. I know the impact it's had on me. But I. You know, you always think other people aren't going to get it, but it really has impacted people because it makes it simple to be able to do that journaling as well.

Yeah.

I think people get a weird concept about they have to write their whole life story when they journal.

And some things, sometimes people like, well, I don't even know what to write. What do I write?

Yeah. So it's giving them the prompts and then the gratitude. Like, if you can think of three grateful things but just make it simple. Yeah, I'm grateful I woke up healthy.

Yeah. And one of the things, too, with gratitude, I always find too, that I have to remind people of, find something different. Like, a lot of people do their gratitude practice and they write the same thing every single day.

Yeah.

Like, that's not helping. That doesn't make you feel grateful. You're like, just repetitive and bored. Like, it doesn't get you anywhere. Yeah.

Make it interesting.

The purpose of a gratitude practice is in order for you to generate the feeling of gratitude or appreciation, not just to think it. And I think people get so stuck in their heads about it that actually gratitude is a heart practice. And it's like, how do we get back into our hearts? You've got to feel it.

It's so true. And that's such a good concept as well, to remember that. I got caught up in this very much when I was wanting to push forward in that hustle. And I was just doing all the things I had to do. Okay. I've done my journaling, I've done my workout. I've done, I don't know, whatever other practices that I thought I had to do to get there, but none of it was felt. I was just doing it. So I was still in the doing. I was still in that masculine and pushing because I was just getting it done and then from it. Yeah. Yeah. And that's a. That's a really good thing to remember, too, that when I do those prompts, I actually feel being that person at that time. So I choose to be and I sit with it and feel it. So then I know when I'm not feeling that throughout the day, it's actually a reminder to go, oh, hang on, I'm gonna actually get back there.

Yeah. Because like, this is another gripe that I have with sometimes these little practices that people don't truly understand. And I. Sounds judgy, but I'm going to say it good. Is that you can meditate first thing in the morning for five minutes, but if the rest of your day, your thoughts are negative and they're. And you're not catching them and you're not addressing those thoughts. So you might spend 5% of the day, but 95% of your day, you're in negative thought patterns or you're judging yourself or you're being really harsh on onto yourself, or you're stuck in lack of. Then what? You're vibrating. And the purpose of that activity is gone. Like it's useless. The whole purpose of that activity is to quieten your mind, to train your brain how to stay present. Like, if you're not taking the time to actually meditate, to calm your mind, then the rest of your day is going to be off kilter. So it's one of those things that I think sometimes people go about, oh, yeah, but I meditated and yeah, but what about the rest of the day paying attention and observing your thoughts, which I sometimes feels like it's time consuming. But once you get into the habit of actually practicing it, you're. You're actually training your brain and so. And that's actually where it's going to serve you. So I love this, love these little practices. So I guess like this next piece of like this evolution, right. We, or maybe even actually, you know, I'm going to take it back to if there's someone that's listening and they, they're current a leader. So they might have a couple of team members or maybe they have lots more. What would be. And they want to become a better leader. What would be one of the first practices you would encourage them to do? Like, if they just start to recognize, like, hey, I know I really do want to work on my leadership and I want to be better not only within myself, but also for my team. What's some of the practices you would start to share?

Yeah, so I would, I would ask them to take notice of the way that they speak to their team. So if they've got a team, I would ask them to take notice of the way that they speak to their team. And then that would be the first one. Just because, like, you know, it's like taking notice of your thoughts. So you Start becoming that observer of your mind. I'd also ask them to write down those journaling prompts because then they choose to be. So I choose to be an impactful leader, or I choose to be an empathetic leader, you know, whatever leader they want to be. So we would have already had that discussion about, you know, what type of leader do you want to be? And then they would do those journaling prompts every day. And the third thing that I would suggest for them to do is really start taking note of what their aligned values are. So what I mean by aligned values is like that, that inner value. And an example I always give that is, you know, a really strong value of mine is family, but that's on the outside. My family's on the outside. So my aligned value of that is connection and love. So my values are connection, love, because you can feel that. Does that make sense? So I really ask them to find five of those aligned values. And that can be, you know, it can be actually quite a few sessions work if you don't understand what that means. And I find that once they know what that is, then they can take more notice of what their brain is doing and then they can take more notice of who they're choosing to be every day because they understand who they want to be. Does that make sense?

Yeah, absolutely. Because I think sometimes when you're busy and you've got so much on your plate, you can get stuck being reactive really quickly. And then, like, as you were talking, even just like speaking to your team, like, I've. I've run teams before. I manage teams of 20, 25. And I had times where I was so stressed, so overwhelmed that I was just reactionary all the time. And it wasn't until one of my team members picked it up and actually I heard them saying something to another team member about how I don't even smile and welcome them in the morning. And I was like, don't I? What? No, of course I do. And then I like, played over, like, my week in my head and was like, oh, my God, I've been so stressed that as soon as people get to work, I'm like, get to work, right? And I was like, that's not the type of leader that I want to be. I don't want to be someone that's like, so harsh and not even smile in the morning. It really was a wake up call for me, was like, oh, I need to learn how to deal and handle my stress better so that I can show up and be the leader that I really want to be in this workplace because that's not going to get me the outcome that I'm looking for. And I also don't want to be that type of person because that's not enjoyable for me. It's not fun. I love to see the potential in people and nurture the potential in people. But if they think that I'm already in a grumpy mood right from day dot, from 9am, they're not going to be open to wanting to be, you know, to reach their potential.

They've got their guards out, ready to protect.

Yeah, 100%. So I love that you shared that. Like even just the defining what type of leader you do want to be is a great wake up call and just an opportunity to be in the observer's seat.

Yeah, very much so. And I often speak about, and I guess this goes deeper into work with them, but I often speak about the drama triangle within your mind though. So not like within the, within the organization. But you know, the, the persecutor is that person that's always like being the mean girl in your head. You know, you, you never get it right. You, you can't, you can't control your team, whatever that is. And then the victim, and I know victims so well because that's where I live for so long. Like, oh, this is always happening to me. Why is this, why is my him like this? You know, like all that ridiculousness. And the rescuer is that people pleaser, right? The, the, the leader that's doing that external validation to try and get the team to do it. But there's no boundaries, so they don't.

Respect them and they go and they do it for them instead of actually teaching them how. Yeah.

Yes. And so then becoming an observer of that, you notice when you're in there because we're all human, we're going to, we're going to be in that drama triangle. So that's also that radical responsibility, isn't it? Take ownership to know that you are going to slip into that because you're human. But you also can become the observer and you can catch it and reframe it and change it.

I love that, I love that. And it's such a beautiful concept. It may be something that people have never heard before. So if you don't know what we're talking about, look into the drama triangle. You will. It's a simple psychology tool and it helps you really realize where you're sitting. And yeah, I get it. We can either be one of all three. We could be all three. All three at once. Yeah, totally. So, yeah, it's such an interesting space in that development space of like, really willing to look at yourself and be like, how can I be better? And it's also a self personal development journey because as you evolve, your team evolves around you. And, and I think that if you're having problems with your team, acknowledge, like, what is the actual problem and how are you portraying that problem? Like, a lot of the time it starts with you. That's why I always say fish rots from the head and do that from a place of self. Yeah. It's honestly so true every time. Yeah. You like look back at the leader like, oh, they're perpetuating that drama. They love drama, so they want to create more drama.

Or it's true.

Yeah. There's so many elements to it. It's so funny. Okay, what, what part of the leadership space do you also love talking about that maybe we haven't covered just yet.

I think when I think about my framework, so my framework is embody and so I really like to move my leaders and my business through this. And so it's really the energetics. And so, so E stands for energetics. And that's a big part of presence. So that's something else I really like to speak to. Like that executive presence. How do you show. Show up? Do you respect yourself enough to show up with that presence? That is respected, you know, because it's different than being around in your gym clothes at home and then turning up at meeting. And that includes being virtually. Are you, are you bringing that executive presence to a virtual meeting? And I run a lot of my meetings virtually and it takes a lot more energy to be able to get that across the screen than it is in person. So that's a really big one that we haven't spoken about that I think is very important. The executive presence, how you're holding yourself, what energy are you bringing to the room? And that's again how you were saying before, that negative. How you didn't even smile and say hello to your team.

I was in terrible presence. Terrible, stressful, unhappy, grumpy. And I was literally just putting that on my team until I was aware of it.

Yeah, exactly. And that's. And then also like mindset we've spoken heaps about. Body is another one. So B for Indian body is fueling your body with the, the movement and the food that's going to give you that opportunity to have that presence. And also the what you're Fueling your mind with as well. So body is also what are you saying to yourself to, to be able to show up the best. And then I think that's everything else. Like ownership is the radical responsibility. Direction is your vision, mission and values. But yours. And that's the big thing, you know what is your mission and vision and values instead of what is everybody else's. And then yeah, you just step into your authentic you when you, when you really claim all of that.

Yeah. And then even bringing that down into your team as well. Right. Like one of the things that I was taking a client through the other day was like understanding your values and understanding, understanding the business's values and then how you communicate those values to the team so they know how to behave and how to be a part of that. Because people values drive all of our behavior and if we communicate values effectively within a business, it allows a team member to know how to behave within the business and also what to uphold. Right. Otherwise they're just trying to figure out where they fit and how they can be valuable within the team. And I think it's always coming back to true of like how you perceive your employees. Like if you perceive them to be not great at what they do then they're probably going to live into that existence. Whereas if you see them see their fullest potential, you can guide them into that. And so yeah, I just love that framework. It's beautiful.

Beautiful being their guide as well. Because you know I've run this such transformational one for corporate. It's a team building one where it is that values based. And so I work with the team to understand their aligned values so then they can see how that matches the company values. So really working with your team to learn and have that growth mindset as well instead of just you let them have that as well. That follow on. So yeah, I love how you say that.

Love it. Beautiful. So can you share with us how we can find out more about you where we can work with you so if anyone's listening they can check you out.

Yeah. So I have an excellent businessman performance membership for business owners and entrepreneurs and leaders and that's called Elevate her. So you can find that at. It's just on my website or it will be. Christine will be sharing that one with you as well. Or you can go to dennyv.com I'm on Instagram @dennyv coach and also on Facebook the same.

Amazing. Well I'll make sure I put all the notes in the, all the links in the show notes so people can check you out. But definitely share this across your social media and let us know what what you took away from today's episode. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful wisdom and your heart with us today. Thank you so much for being a part of the podcast.

It's been wonderful to be here. Thank you. Christine.