722 - Unlocking your Story to Get Paid to Speak with Deidre Sirianni

I am so incredibly blessed to have this new guest on the podcast today. I got to meet this beautiful human at the High Vibe Women event in Canada when I was heading over to speak at Christina's event, High Vibe Women. And I was so blessed to get to connect with so many incredible people. And so I want to introduce you to this beautiful woman, Deidre. Welcome. Thank you so much for being on the podcast today.

Oh, thanks for having me. This is awesome.

I'm so excited to dive into our conversation today. We're going to talk about so many different things. And you just had me on your podcast, and we talked all about so many different topics. And so I'm sure this podcast, this episode, is going to be so fun. And so before we dive in, I would love to start with the first question I want to ask you. Your book is called Turn youn Light On. I'd love for you to share a moment that you realized your light was dimming, and what did you do to turn it back on?

Okay, so let's take it back. This is a couple years ago. Okay. This is, like, actually, this is the first thing that came to mind. Okay, so a couple years ago, I got booked to speak at a conference. There was about 500 people in the audience and a couple people. One person specifically, I was a little bit nervous to speak on stage with. I was like, oh, my gosh, I'm speaking on stage with this person. And that was just one part of it. I had spoken on a lot of stages and stuff before, but I was a little bit like, oh, my gosh, is this person gonna see me talk? You know, all of that lay a little bit of the nerves. But anyways, before this trip, to speak at this conference, I threw a sparkly dress in my bag. And it was a sparkly dress I hadn't worn for about five years. And it was just a very much, like, unconscious thing I did. I just threw it in my bag. It wasn't the outfit I was going to wear on stage. So it's about 20 minutes, 30, maybe 30 minutes before my talk, and I'm in my hotel room at the conference, and I'm pacing back and forth, back and forth in my hotel room, and I'm like, do I wear the sparkly dress or do I wear the white outfit? Which is what I plan to wear. Do I wear the sparkly dress? Do I wear the white outfit? And for whatever reason, Christine, I was freaking out. So I call my friend David, who used to be a coach of mine, years ago, and I Was like, david, I'm freaking out. Like, I. I feel like I'm supposed to wear this gold sparkly dress. It's kind of like a Beyonce dress, to be honest, with, like, long sleeves. It's beautiful. It wasn't the type of conference where people were wearing sparkles. It was more of, like, a casual, ish type of vibe. But, like, it was a beautiful conference, right? And my soul was like, you're supposed to wear the sparkly dress. And so I'm on the phone with him pretty much having, like, an anxiety attack. Never happened before. You know, speaking of imposter syndrome or whatever was going on. And he's like, d, I don't think you should wear this sparkly dress. I think your nervous system is really out of whack.

I.

You should just wear the white outfit, and you should just go downstairs and speak. It's just. I just don't think it's a good idea. So I put on the white outfit. I look at myself in the mirror, and I always have these moments with my soul and my reflection. I don't know what it is, but I looked at myself in the mirror, and I'm like, if I wear this outfit, I'm going to be plain, small, and I'm going to be dimming my light. And so I'm like, oh, man. So I put on the outfit. I put on the sparkly dress, the heels, and. And I walk downstairs through the conference. Everyone's looking at me. They're like, what is she wearing? I'm the first speaker of the day, or maybe second speaker of the day. And I walk on stage, and the first thing I say is, you know, I just had a panic attack about 15 minutes ago in my. In my hotel room. I was like, do I wear the white outfit? Do I wear the sparkly outfit? And then I basically told the story of what happened, and then I shared. When was the last time that you felt like you were too much or it wasn't safe? Safe to shine and live in front of an audience of 500 people. And the person that I really looked up to, who I didn't know was in the audience until later. I talked about the trauma that happened where I wore the dress five years ago. I was in a relationship that was really toxic. And my boyfriend, every time I was like, you know, happy, go lucky. And out there and getting a lot of attention, he would just knock me down emotionally. So the last time I wore that dress, I felt like I was too much. So for me being on stage, choosing that Dress. Having the freak out in my hotel room 15 minutes before going on the stage was, like, me reprogramming my nervous system that it's safe to shine, giving people permission to shine, but also the vulnerability of, like, hey, guys, like, I literally had a panic attack, and I've never had anything like that happen before around an outfit. And then this woman came up to me after and was like, that was a great talk. And, like, gave me a hug, and I was like, oh, my gosh. And it was just so, so authentic. But it was really like, this moment of, if I don't wear the dress, I'm not being me. And I think that, to me, in that moment was really important because it felt like not wearing it was, like, dimming my light. And I think I had been doing that for years. Unconsciously.

Yeah, so, so powerful. And I can see how the audience would have absolutely resonated with that. And I think that so beautiful how you really acknowledge that and you just shared it so vulnerably on the stage and the impact that that would have had. Like, I think sometimes we can get so caught up in really worrying about being perfect. Being perfect, especially speaking on stage, that's one of those things that you're like, well, I have to have everything perfect, and I have to have the. All the thousands and thousands of followers, and I have to like all the things. And I think that just you sharing that helps people hopefully see that we all have those fears and doubts, no matter what it is that we're doing. And I just love how you had such a beautiful visual analogy, too, of, like, the. The sparkly outfit and the white. Like, am I gonna just, you know, blend in or am I gonna be. Be shiny? And I just love that.

Yeah, I think it's so easy to just play it safe, especially in environments. Like, that environment was an opportunity for me to kind of blend in with everyone else, you know, not wear anything. That was super out there. And a lot of people are like, wow, your dress. Later on. And I had women come up to me and say, hey, listen, like, last night, I was going out to the gathering, and I was wearing sparkles, and I actually walked out and changed and went back because I was like, oh, no, this is too much. And how often are we told that we're too much, our emotions are too much, our dreams are too much, what we want is too much. As I was saying, I just think it's so easy for us to try to play it safe and not do the thing that we really want. To do because, you know, past traumas and wounds and experiences where people have told us it's not okay to do this. And we potentially have experienced really painful experiences that have showed us, oh, it doesn't feel safe to stand out. If I stand out, people are going to make fun of me. I'm going to get teased, I'm going to be rejected, I'm going to be made fun of. I'm going to xyz. And, you know, one of the survival instincts that we have as humans is we want to belong, we want to fit in.

So.

So when we've had these negative experiences of any kind in our life, it's like, oh, well, I don't wanna be too much. I'm just gonna dim it down. I'm not gonna wear the lipstick. I'm not gonna say the thing I'm really feeling. I'm not gonna put my hand up. I'm not gonna ask the question. I'm not gonna maybe even go on stage or share my story or write the book or whatever. The thing is, it's just so easy not to when that is a life experience that we've had.

So true on so many levels. And I think that there's always that fear of being too much.

And.

And one of the things that I feel like I've really practiced over the last year and a half and I'm not sure where this came from. I think it was just a friend of mine at one point saying, like, I always. I don't even know actually. No, I'm not really sure where it came from, but I just have this thought of, like, I love being the best dressed person in the room. Like, it's okay for me to be that person. And so I don't know whether it's just come from different, you know, corporate contract, corporate experiences and stuff like that, where you're expected to dress nicely and like, expected to make sure your hair and makeup was all done. Like we had to really be on show or it might have been for. I worked on cruise ships for a few years and that was something where we were expected to be on for our guests. And so I have always been someone that's like, be the best dressed person in the room and let that be okay. And I often get comments around, like, it. Like, I like I wore a bright pink suit to.

I love that. I was like, I wear that.

Yeah, right. And it's like so bright. But yet some people like, oh my God, I love your suit. I wish I could wear that. And I'm like, you can. I'll tell you where to buy it. Like, But I think sometimes people, like, think, oh, she must be super confident to have that. But I honestly believe it's come from the process of just slowly but surely allowing myself to be fully expressed as I go. And I think sometimes people have this underlying belief, like, I'm either that or I'm not. I'd love to hear your take on this. When it comes to someone, like, stepping into their fullest expression, what is the pathway that you notice people go on?

Yeah, I mean, there's so many different kind of directions to this. So for example, my story of, like, do I wear the white outfit? Do I wear the sparkly outfit? I used to be the sparkly girl. I'd wear, like, different colors. I'd have, like five different colors on my outfits years and years prior. So it wasn't like a big thing for me in the past, but it was. There were certain moments in time where I'm like, oh, it's not safe to shine, it's not safe to be different. All of that. I think that the pathway of self expression, expression for me, and I think it's different for everyone, has been, first of all, really giving myself permission to feel what's going on for me. And I tend to be a responder. So what I mean by a responder, I'm not talking about human design or any type of platform in that kind of way that showcases what you are.

This is just.

I've noticed about myself is if something is going on in the world or around me that evokes an emotion or a feeling, feeling, or something comes out of me, that's where my. That's where my expression starts to come through. So for me, when I'm like, out in nature, if I'm running when I used to run a lot, or when I'm on a bike, that's when, like, certain, like, lyrics or certain things would come through me and I'd be like, oh, like, I'd write about it, I journal about it. And then when I'm on stage, it's like being really present in my body, telling stories of the past, allowing myself to go there. That brings out my experience, expression. I think that there's a lot of expressional ways of being in the feminine space that are like, oh, you have to dance, you have to shake. You have to shake your booty. You have to do all these things. And okay, sure, those are modalities to move energy. But as far as, like, authentic expression, I think it's about, first of all, giving yourself permission to truly clear out and move stuff that's blocking your system from actually feeling what's true for you.

So.

So a lot of women, and I'm sure men too, we have shut down our vessel to feel. And for so long in my life, mainly in the dating arena, relationship arena, I had a huge, like, armor around my heart where I was like, I'm fine. I'm independent. I don't need a man. I don't trust a man. Like, I was like, didn't have emotion. I wasn't allowing myself to feel or go certain places in that arena of my life. But as I started to do some of the deeper healing work within myself, I was like, oh, my gosh, Like, I actually have so much pain here. And I started to turn that into music and lyrics and then allowing myself to be seen and put myself out there and tell those stories of vulnerability. So to me, it's a process. It's like, first of all, letting go of the armor, allowing ourselves to feel safe, see what art wants to come through. For me, it's been music, but also I speak on stages and I write, and it's about what is the authentic expression of me without me looking around and seeing how everyone else is expressing. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, absolutely. Like, you're coming back into your own, rather than being like, oh, I've got to express myself in that way because that's how they're showing up. Like, you really should come back to yourself. I just love that. So true. And so can you give us a little bit of an insight as well of, like, the business that you now run, Maybe a little bit of background of what led you to the work that you do now?

Yeah. So I'll tell you a story. So about, you know, nine years ago, I was standing in my kitchen, I was putting my fingers through my hair, and I realized that something fell off. So I grabbed my phone, I raced to the bathroom, put on camera mode, and I start angling at the back of my head, like, what's going on? And I'm like, oh, my gosh, I have a bald spot. And it was a couple inches wide on the top of my head. And I remember looking at myself in the mirror reflection moment. I'm like, how did this happen? How do I fix it? Clearly, the universe is trying to tell me something because it's going after my hair. And my hair, to me, has always been, like, the thing that I've loved about myself, you know, physically. Right. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. Like, I can't hide this. Like, I lost a chunk of hair. So I go back to my kitchen, and I sit down for a moment, and that's when I hear this voice come out of me and say, if you don't listen to your soul, you. You're going to manifest cancer and die in the next year. And then I have a flashback to five years prior, the only other time I had ever heard this voice. And I'm outside, I have friends and family to both sides of me, and I'm walking down the aisle with roses in my hands, about to marry the man that I think I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with. And this same voice says, this just isn't going to work. But I didn't know what this voice was. I really did think I was doing everything I was meant to be doing. So what did I do? I shoved it down and I said, I do. And so I'm sitting at my kitchen table, like, eight, nine years ago, having this flashback, and I'm like, I have four different types of autoimmune disease that the doctors can't seem to help me with. I have pain in my neck and shoulders, chronic pain to the point where my massage therapist actually fired me. I didn't know they could do that, but they can. She's just like, I can't help you anymore. And I was depressed to the point of having a vision of ending my life. And from the outside looking in, I was the happiest person everyone knew. Like, I really believed I was, too. Like, on a mental level, I thought everything was great, you know, and. And I just remember feeling like every time I'm around my husband, my entire body would contract. He was always telling me who to be, how to be, what I can wear, what I can't wear, who I can talk to, who I can't talk to, and always just talking down to me. And I felt completely worthless. So I'm sitting there and I'm like, oh, my gosh. Could it be that this entire time, ever since I walked down the aisle and said, I do and didn't listen to that voice, that my soul has been speaking to me through these symptoms of disease, and I just haven't been listening. So I made a vow to myself. I was going to get radically honest. I was going to have courage to look and do the hard things. You. And then I was going to take massive, inspired action to change my life. And I did. And that brought me down the path of Studying with shamans, doing deeper healing work, and doing this inner work. And within just a few months, I healed myself of three of those four. Autoimmune diseases. Chronic pain, gone. Depression, gone. Food sensitivities, gone. And then eventually, I had the courage to leave the relationship. So how is this connected to what I do now? Well, what I do today is I help people, first of all, understand the language of the soul, because it's always guiding us. I help people get radically honest with themselves so that they're not wasting their time doing the thing that's not actually for them. And then I help people transform their trauma, their pain, their history, whatever's gone on into their greatest gift for humanity through sharing those stories, through speaking on stages and building their, you know, business of impact in the world. And so that story, although it's not directly connected to my business, it's the why I do it, because there are so many of us who have incredible stories and things that we're like, oh, I don't want to talk about it. It's like, yeah, you need to talk about it, because those stories have the power to heal and transform so many people. And you know that you have a book, you speak on stages. And I help people tell the hard things, but also to attract their soul clients and really, really be powerful. Magnetic speakers.

Yes. I love that. And that's so evident in how you share. Like, the storytelling that you use is really powerful, and I love that. You know, was that something that you learned? Was it something that has just come through, like, the way that you express yourself? Like, where did the storytelling come in?

Yeah, so I've done. I've been speaking on stages for about eight years now, and so I did do some storytelling before, but I absolutely have worked with coaches, and it's a big part of what I teach inside my work is because storytelling is the bridge of who you are and what you do to the person who's sitting in front of you or listening to you on a podcast or reading about you in a book that's like, oh, this person's human. There's a connection line here. And we live in a world where everyone is a coach. Not everyone. A lot of people are coaches. A lot of people are selling things. But the story is something that's authentic, and it shows people your character. And the most vulnerable stories are the ones that don't make you look good. Like, I didn't. Originally, I was like, oh, I don't want to tell that story. You know? You know, I don't Want to tell that story. I, like, married the wrong person. I almost died. Like, ah. But it's like human. It's my authentic story. And you know what, when people hear that story, they're like, oh, maybe they're in it right now. I believe that our body, and I know this because of the work that I do, and I'm an intuitive. Is our body get sick when we're not listening to our soul? And it's like so much dis ease is preventable through actually listening to our soul. And it's like every single time I'm like, oh no, that's not true. I always come back to that being the truth. It's like, well, if we're actually listening to the soul and we're in alignment, like we can, we can create a whole new world if everyone knows this. Right. And storytelling is so important for that too. With whatever we're doing, whatever we've overcome and moved through.

So true. And I feel like whenever you see a speaker that really moves you, it is through that vulnerable story. It is through that deeper connection that we create through storytelling. So I'd love for you to, to share. We have so many questions around this. So like, where do I take it? What would you say to someone who thinks they don't have a story to tell?

I mean, were you just born yesterday?

So many people think that they're like, oh, I don't really have anything that's going to be powerful. Because I think sometimes we compare ourselves to people who have either really traumatic stories or really like life altering stories. And they think that that's the story that they need to have in order for it to be magnetic on stage.

Yeah. I mean, I've had people I forget. I was talking to a woman not long ago and she's like, I teach on this and I've just always been really good about this. And I just grew up this way. I'm like, well, there's a story to that. Because you grew up this way because your parents were this way. So it was a habit that you believe to be true. And it was practice and the practice creates the result. I'm like, there's a story there. But you know, the best stories do have some sort of conflict. I'm just being honest, you know, I'm not saying that, hey, let's dig up your trauma. We could. We don't have to do that though. But really a story is essentially a really good story, has some sort of conflict. And I guarantee that every single person listening to this has Some moment in time that they've had some sort of conflict, inner conflict or outer conflict in their world where they had a pivotal moment, and it might not even be related to what they sell or what they're doing, but that story makes you human, and that story reveals your character. And a lot of the time, it's the stories that you don't wanna tell that you're like, I am so much more evolved than this. I am so beyond it. That's usually the story to tell, but everyone has a story, unless you were literally born yesterday, so we're not buying that today. And it doesn't have to be trauma. It doesn't have to be traumatic. Okay.

And I think the other side or the other flip of the coin would be like, how do I have a story? And maybe I have a vulnerable story I want to share, but how do I then connect it back to my business? What do you. What would you say to that?

Well, I just shared a story that isn't actually directly connected to my business. I don't. I'm like, what I was. What I'm. What I'm. I don't want to say. What I invite people into is, hey, let's scale your business through speaking on stages and podcasts and, you know, you know, thought leadership stuff. Like, that's kind of like my area that I support people with. Right? Like that arena, I am not telling you about your relationship advice. I'm not asking you if you're sick. I'm not. There's a lot of things I'm not doing as far as what I'm offering, but they're connected because it shows honesty, courage, showing up. I was out of alignment. I came into alignment. And now I help people transform their pain into their purpose or their trauma into their gift. So another example of a story. There's a man that I know from la, he has a story of being a cowboy, right? And you're like, how is this connected to what he does? He's not a cowboy anymore. He has this, like, crazy story about, like, being a cowboy and then one day walking away from it and having a family. And now he's a business coach. And it's not related. It's not related, but it's a good story that shows who he is and it connects with his authentic people based on, you know, connecting to family and values versus chasing a dream that's over, you know, but, like, so it doesn't have to be directly connected, but it's always connected because it reveals who you are and People care more about who you are versus what you do. Because a lot of people hear me talk and they're like, what do you. I don't know what you're selling. Like, maybe they don't hear what I'm offering, but they're like, I don't know what you're selling, but I want to sign up and work with you because there's a level of trust. It's like, well, these are, this is how I work. Are you interested in one of these? Okay, great. So it's like more about. People want to know who you are and what you stand for versus what you do. Of course, you know, you can be like, I'm this type of coach and someone might just need that in the moment, but a lot of people actually want to feel something and have that true connection and trust first.

Oh, so true, so true. And I'm like, as you're speaking, I'm like agreeing and nodding my head. If you're not listening to the podcast, you can absolutely hear not head nods. But I think one of the things like I found challenging because I'm going to like, opportunity to chat to you about, like, where I'm going with my, my speaking career is that's actually exactly where I'm at right now. I'm like, how do I weave in personal stories that make sense, that are relevant, that still then add value? Because one of the things that I'm really good at is educating. And so I'm able to simplify complex terms. I'm able to make something feel more human. Human or feel, have people connect to a framework and things like that. Like, I, I find value in sharing something practical that people can put into practice. Right. But when it comes to like finding like the personal stories to weave in, I think it's something that I've always, I think probably just from my education and my background and I've always presented rather than story told. And so what would you say would be like the next evolution for that?

Yeah, so I used to be, I used to be an intuitive speaker. And when I say intuitive speaker, I used to go with the flow and like, I'd be a very popular speaker before I really mastered these skills. And I would have people crying or saying. And what I was teaching was so empowering because I used to talk a lot about trauma just because I was like, I did my TEDX on trauma. It was something I was super interested in, like sharing it and educating on. But I wasn't necessarily turning all of those speaking opportunities into profits and so what really changed for me and my business and why I'm so passionate about teaching this and, like, the strategy behind it, too, is that you can be an amazing teacher, but unless people are already have already bought into you. Like, if you're hired by a company to come and speak, and that's what you're brought in to do. Amazing, right? But if you're looking to, like, grow your clientele and also have things connect deeper on a soul level to people, there needs to be story, because story actually bridges the teaching into the person's world. So how you can look at it from, like, kind of like a basic foundational way of looking at it is like, every single thing that you teach could connect to some story. There's always a connection point. I'll give you an example. So that's what story do I want to tell. Okay, so when I was, like, I don't know, 17 or 18 years old, I worked at this place called Jean Outlet in Kamloops, bc, Canada. And basically it was an outlet store for jeans. And it was a popular place to work. Believe it or not, all the cool kids work there. I thought it was pretty cool. Anyways, so because it's a Jean outlet store, there would only be six so many sizes left of certain jeans, right? All these, like, different designer jeans. And so sometimes, actually a lot of the time, we'd have people come in and be. They're like, I want these jeans. And we're like, well, we only have these sizes left. And I'm like the young, you know, clerk girl at the, you know, at Jean Outlet. And there'd be like, a woman in the change room trying to squeeze into a pair of jeans that are a size or two too small. And so I'm like, you know, 17 years old, awkwardly being like, hey, what about these jeans? What about these jeans? What about these jeans? And they're like, no, I want these jeans. And I'm uncomfortable because I'm like, they're going to rip the pants. They really want those. They're really committed. The other people are uncomfortable. That person's uncomfortable because they're trying to get into a pair of jeans that just aren't fitting, and they're trying to force it. So in life, we outgrow environments all of the time. We outgrow environments all the time. Relationships, places, jobs, a lot of different things. But a lot of the time it's really hard to step into the bigger pond to move into the new environment. And instead we would rather try to fit into an old Pair of jeans or a pair of jeans that are two sizes too small. And so what happens when. When we're trying to fit into a pair of jeans that are too small or AKA the circles that you're still hanging out in that you've outgrown? It's uncomfortable for everyone involved. It's uncomfortable for the people around you that are witnessing it. They're like, you don't belong here. It's uncomfortable for you because you're trying to fit into something you've outgrown. And it gets really awkward for everyone. So just like when I work at the Jean outlet and the woman trying to fit into a pair of jeans that were too small, it's a little bit ridiculous. A lot of the time we have these opportunities for growth. We have these masterminds, we have these next levels that we want to step into, but we have fear that it's not going to work. But the problem is you're trying to fit into something that doesn't fit. And when we try to stay in an environment that no longer serves us, we get sick. We create drama. You know, we rip jeans. I might crack some jokes along the lines there, but it's a life story that I had. It's random. I do it better on stage when I tend to bring that up. And I actually have a different angle sometimes that I teach on that. But it's like a real life story. Me working at the Gene outlet, something I really witnessed, it's awkward for me, and I'm like, hey, you know? And then I bring it into a teaching moment of, like, are you trying to fit into? Like. Like, where are you still trying to fit into something you've outgrown? Like, stop it. You look ridiculous. Right?

So good. Oh, my gosh, you're so talented at this. I just. I just love it so much. Like, I can absolutely see the thread moving through it, which is so cool. And I think that what I'm taking away from this is, like, okay, if you do want to teach something great, teach it. But, like, what's the story that you can tell to set it up so then people are invested in the story. And I think that the beauty of that is that it's so memorable. It keeps people in the memory of it. Like, I can picture myself in that change room seeing you, like, being like, what about these? What about these? And everyone being uncomfortable. Like, I feel like it's so visceral in the way that you can actually describe it. It's so cool.

Yeah. So storytelling and really crafting your story, your talk, all of those things, and really mastering the art of storytelling will make you a memorable speaker and it will get you on bigger platforms and attract higher level clients. Just because you become memorable versus the person just teaching information. Even though you're super magnetic, you're amazing, all those things, it just makes you a whole other level of speaker when you can really incorporate these.

Yeah. And I feel like this is something that I'm really working on at the moment. Like, it's something that is. I'm completely aware of and it's like I've gone through this way and even in evolution of social media content as well. Like, I was the educator and I would constantly educate, whereas now I'm like trying to weave in storytelling and weave in authority. And we've been, you know, taking people on the journey of understanding in the process and the transformation. I think it makes it so much more memorable. And I just love that you shared that concept, but also the story to help really communicate the point. It was so cool, so great. And so what would you say for women who are really wanting to step up their speaking game and get, get noticed on bigger stages? What's something that you would say when it comes to landing those opportunities? How do you. How have you done that for yourself?

Yeah, so really the, the first step is you really need to master your core story. There are a lot of different types of story stories that you can have. Like the one that I shared just there was just like a, a story that would talk about something that's important, that if I want to get a point across on stage or if I was speaking to a group of people. Right. So that's kind of like a side story. So we have our big entry story, our main story that people get to know us for. So the first step really is you really need to master that story and be able to tell it in a way where people feel something. So the way I teach and when I work with people is when you're telling your story and your talk because they're all different parts. Like there's different pieces for different things and different reasons. Behind all of it is you want your listener or your audience member to literally be on the edge of their seat wondering what's next, because you're constantly getting them to buy into you every part of your talk. So there's a science to it. You know, it's definitely an emotional journey that people are on. So we need to build authority, we need to build connection, we need to build trust, and then also Inspiration. So the first step of getting on stages, I would say, I mean, I spoke on stages for years before I really mastered this and started teaching it. But you really want to know your story, because if you don't have a great story, you're not really going to be remembered. And then it's good flash in the pan, but it's not going to grow your audience, grow your business, all of those things. So mastering your core story, mastering your talk, knowing who it's for, knowing who your ideal client is. Like, a lot of the time people are like, oh, I teach about self love or I teach people how to lose weight or, but who are you teaching to lose weight? Like, let's get more specific. Like, who is this talk for? What are they going to walk away from your talk with? And how is it going to change their life in some way? So you need to get really clear on that. The talk talk of the title of your talk, the subtitle, definitely have your talk done, Practice all of those. And then from there it's easy to get on stages and podcasts and platforms because people know your flag in the ground, they know what you're about. And if they see the outline of your talk as far as, like, who it's for, all those things, they're like, oh, this would easily plug into this event, this would easily plug into this podcast, and it just becomes easier. And then once you get on like a podcast circuit and all of those things, then you have all this content showing that you're the authority in it, telling all these different stories. And then other people reach out to, to be on their podcasts, on their stages. And like, one podcast I was on, you know, a couple years ago led to multiple six figures and also five big stages and other stages and more opportunities and book sales. So it's like all of these things combined together just builds a ton of momentum. So to answer your question, your story and your talk for sure, knowing who it's for and having that dialed in, then it's easy to get on the platforms.

So I feel like there's so many avenues we can take this part. But like, I want to come back to the terminology expert because I think one of the things that prevents people from really putting their hands up and going for those opportunities and really nailing that story is the expert conversation. So what would you say? Because I think, like, there's this element of like, well, I have to be perceived as the expert, right? I have to be sharing something that's of value. But then I want to share this vulnerable story. Although I want to share this story of mine, but I feel like sometimes there's a conflict between people being seen as an expert versus sharing a vulnerable story. And I, coming back to what you were saying earlier, like, is important people to connect with you. But what would you say if people have hesitation around, like, well, how will this affect my status as the expert? Like, will this affect the way that people will perceive me as the expert in this area if I'm sharing this story? I'm not sure if I'm articulating this question. Right. But does that make sense?

Right? So if I show people I haven't been perfect, will I be judged? So, you know, people are already judging you. I think that's really important. People are already judging you for doing whatever you're doing or not doing already. So, like, we just need to be stronger than the fear of judgment, number one. Number two, there is a difference between trauma dumping on someone and being super vulnerable and not knowing how to deliver a talk or a story than being a professional. So one of the things that I do, one of the things that I do inside my containers, whether I'm working one to one with my clients who are prepping for, you know, their talk talk and all of that, or in my speak impact scale program, is we actually do, like, I help people with their stories and I actually help them script it. And I'm not a scripter. Like, I'm not someone who follows things line by line. I. That's just not my style. I used to work in radio and TV and I was an ad libber, which means I just be on location talking about whatever's going on. This is like a long time ago. So I don't like scripture like you just told you. Yeah, structure.

Yeah, But.

But what I do is I. I find the stories, I help pull them out of people and I look at, well, what is. Like, what are. What are you about? Like, like, who are we talking to? And then I pull out the main ones. My intuition is my superpower. So I get. Sometimes I'll see what people's stories are before they tell me. I'm like, this is the story. No, you were screaming into a pillow on the ground. What story is that? How do you know that? I don't know. I just had a vision. Like, what is that? It's like, this is the story. So for me, I pull out the stories out of the people and then we write them in a way that is clean, that is aligned, and tells a story in a Way that shows vulnerability, but also brings people on the journey of moving into the lesson or the growth of it. A lot of speakers will just trauma dump on people or they haven't healed something. In my process of working with people, people heal a lot of the things that they're talking about because there is a healing, healing when you start talking about the stories maybe you haven't shared before, and that's how you become the leader you're meant to be through the embodiment work. So don't trauma dump. Get support if you're looking for it. And if you have a challenging story to share, I do recommend hiring someone to support you with it. Like, I did a TedX years ago on trauma, and I shared a very, very vulnerable story of trauma on stage. And, you know, I did. I work with someone who helped me with the talk. Sure. But I, I didn't know I was going to have a big vulnerability hangover because no one told me that. So when I work with people, I want to take care of them physically, mentally, emotionally, energetically, spiritually, with what they're stepping into so that they can rock their talk, make an impact, but not have a vulnerability hangover or, you know, have a big contraction. It's like, how do we put this together? Where you're feeling something, you are being vulnerable, but also you look professional and you're the expert because there is a balance to it.

Yeah, yeah. And that's. Thank you. Because that's where. Exactly where I was wanting you to go with that. And I think that sometimes people can get really stuck on so much of their story, but I think what you just highlighted there is like, keep the audience in mind of who it's really for, because not all parts of the story are relevant. And so, like, we can have so many different points in our story, but, like, you may just choose some parts of it to share that actually are relevant to the journey or rather than actually just be trauma dumping and just absolutely everything. Because it's like, well, this is my whole story. Does that make sense?

Right. Yeah. Right. And, and also, like, I'm thinking of a client of mine right now and I can share this because this person is out there talking about their story, all of that. But a lot of the time when people come to me and they're like, I want to get on all these platforms, all this stuff, their story is like 15 minutes long. And you're. And I remember this one client of mine, they have 15 years of data and they wanted to tell me all the things and I'm like, okay, okay. So I wrote a bunch of notes down. I'm like, okay, this, this part, this part, this part, this part, it's a two and a half minute story now. And it was more powerful than the 15 minute story they were telling from stages before and then at their, their events that they started to speak at once we did this work was like, oh my gosh, Chidora. I was walking around and I was listening to other people's talks and I'm like, their talks are so long. They're doing all the mistakes I used to make. And it's like when we have our own story, we want to tell everyone everything. But you know what? 98% of it isn't relevant. And if you're doing storytelling well, you don't have to tell it all. And you want people to know more. You don't want people to know everything because they're going to tune out after 2 and a half, 3 minutes anyways on their phone. They're like, I don't know what you're talking about right now. You're walking the dog. And. And they're like, was she talking about this or this? I don't know. She talked about her mother, she talked about her dog, she talked about her, you know, childhood and her future. Like the tree. I don't know. So this is what happens. It's like people over share and they don't know how to storytell, which is why it's important. Honestly. It's probably the number one thing you want to have if you want to be on stages and you want to and want to grow your brand is the art of storytelling. Like hands down, most effective thing I've ever mastered in my business.

Yeah, so true, so true. And I feel like there's elements of like people's story, like, like you say, like, make sure it's from a healed place. Like allow yourself to work through that healing because it's so incredibly important. Because you can really see when people haven't fully healed it and you can also get caught up in your own head about it. I think like when you're speaking on stage, if you haven't healed that part of yourself, and I'm sure you have clients experiences as well. Like if you haven't either practiced it enough or you haven't healed that part of your story, you get so stuck in the memory of it that you forget where you are in your story and it actually impacts the way that you show up and speak. Like, do you see this?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean so part of it's interesting. So when I first started sharing the story that I shared earlier around, like, losing a chunk of hair, etc, I. I was like, so disconnected from the story because I was like, I am so, so over this. This is so not my life. Let's talk about something exciting and fun, right? Like, that was my mentality years ago before I started sharing that. And then I started actually sharing the story and, like, being really present with the story and really, like, allowing myself to go back into moments of time as I was telling the story. And the truth is, I never feel good telling the story because I'm actually allowing myself to go back in moments in time and feel it so that I'm authentically experiencing it as I'm sharing it, so that the audience feels that presence as well. So you don't have to be perfectly healed to share the story, but I would recommend doing some work on it, having a professional support you with it if you are wanting to, like, have it out there in a bigger way. But, you know, I never feel, like, good sharing that story. I'm never like, oh, my gosh, I'm amazing. I'm like, oh, this is uncomfortable. I feel a little bit of my chest. But am I crying on stage, snotting and, like, curled up in a ball? No, I'm good. You know, but it gets easier, but it's never comfortable. And I think that's important, too.

Amazing. And so if you had women coming to you, wanting to land more speaking opportunities, what would you say the next step? Once I've nailed their story, what would you say the next step would be?

Yeah, so once you've nailed your story and your talk, because there are different stories within your talk, is to look at what your. Your offer is. So the offer is really important. Like, what is your core offer that you have and what is the ascension of your offers if you have more than one? And then what we do is we really look at connecting your offer with your talk and then the conversion part of your talk. Because a lot of people are on platforms and stages and everyone's like their friend after or follows them on social media or likes their stuff or connects with them. But they're not making tens of thousands of dollars from speaking per hour. And you should be making tens of thousands of dollars for every speaking gig. Absolutely. You know, so that's a big thing. So it's now it's about looking at how do we make it profitable and then finding aligned platforms to get you on. So pitching, finding the right platforms. And starting to turn one podcast into many, Starting to turn one pot, one stage into many. And there's a system that I teach that helps people get onto all those platforms and then monetizing it.

Love it.

It just depends on people's goals, right?

Yeah, totally. Totally amazing. And I'd love to hear your take on, like, is there any other specific lesson that you feel like you've learned over the years that really has contributed to your success with speaking on stages that we haven't touched on just yet.

As far as speaking on stages and you know. Sorry, what was the question again? Something I've learned that has really been like, impactful, I would say. And I also host events, so I think this is important for like, you probably can really resonate with this too. But I run in person events, online events, and then I speak at events. And I think the most important thing to know as a speaker is, you know, you might be an amazing speaker, but you're kind of replaceable. Like, if you're a high maintenance speaker, people might not have you back. If you don't really offer a lot of value to the audience or you're. You have a bit of like star energy. And I don't mean that in a negative way. I mean what I mean by star energy is more like I'm special energy and you need to cater to me, won't get booked again. So, for example, I've built some really great relationships with people and I always pour into the people that pour into me and offer me opportunities. So for me, I'm always thinking about the people that are opening doors for me, how can I support them? Even the events that I want to speak at or, you know, the things that I want to be a part of, how can I support these people? So it's not me just on their stage, which I, I love to do. I'm great at it. It's my favorite thing to do is speaking on stages and podcasts. But it's like knowing that as a speaker, it's more than just speaking on stage. It's about how the coordinator, how the host feels and their interactions with you. And are you submitting things on time? Are you promoting their events? A lot of, you know, I had an event a year ago in Vancouver and it was awesome. It was so fun. And I had 12 speakers over two days. Such a powerful event. And there were some people that promoted, promoted, promoted and were like, hey, how can I support you? How can I support, support you? Like really showing up. And I'm like, I'm gonna find more opportunities for these people because they're helping me so much that I want to give back. And I think about that with clients too. Clients that refer people to me and do things that are amazing. I'm like constantly like, oh, I'm gonna connect them with this podcast or this connection. Like, I'm constantly thinking of them. But then there's always the one or two people. I mean, I'm just talking about in general as like a event host. There's always one or two people that are kind of like, everything's about me. I want to change my photo 20 times and like, all this other stuff. And you're like, dude, like, this is a privilege to be on this stage. So I think that that's something that people really need to understand, especially as new speakers. If you're getting into the game, learn how to be a great speaker, not just on stage, but before you get on stage. Because if you do a lot of things before you get on stage that don't feel good, that's going to impact your reputation, you're not going to have more doors open up.

So.

So valuing those relationships and always asking yourself, how can I add more value to the person who's hosting this podcast or this event? Because I think that's really where it all is, is. It's in the relationships.

I thousand percent agree with you. And I think that sometimes think, people think, oh, it's just the value that I'm delivering on stage. That 15, 20 minutes, that hour, whatever it is that I'm doing, that's all that I'm there for. And they're really in it for themselves that never, ever gets booked again. And I think even like just simple, simple step of just promoting the event makes such a big difference. Like, one of the speakers I had on my stage this year, like, the reason why I chose her to be on my stage when I started looking for panelists was because she was such a cheerleader for the event. Like, she was constantly sharing it. She was like, how else can I help you? What else do you need? And I'm like, you want to speak with. Speak on my stage? And she's like, yes. I'm like, great.

She's like, this is exactly what I want.

Thank you. But it was never from a place of like, I'm doing this to get. It was always like, she was just championing the event. And then I had someone else pitch to actually speak at my event. And I said to her, what will you do to support the event? And I'm like, would you post about it? And she was like, no, don't think it'll work on my feed. I was like, okay then, well, that just goes to show that you're actually not in it for the right reasons and wasn't really connected with the message of the event because the message of the event was all about collaboration. Pick your stage. But it's so interesting. Like I, I think is as well for myself who runs events and the podcast as well. The pitches that I get really help shape the way that I pitch like so massively. And I think that, yeah, I love that you just shared that because I think it's a huge part of like it's not just about getting the speaking gig, it's like what you do around that to one, land the gig and build the relationships. But when you also recognize that those people that are running events are so highly connected, there's so much more that can come from just one speaking gig that you are missing out. If you're just in it for yourself, just there to pitch and, or just there just to get the gig because you're wanting to maximize off their audience, you're really in it for the wrong reasons. Like play the long game because people will absolutely remember the experience that you.

Created for that a hundred percent. And you know, another thing with like a lot of podcasters, a lot of podcasters aren't getting paid to run their podcasts or doing it because they want to feature you. They want to do all the things it's a part of, like their community builder. It's like, you know, one of the things that is like a no brainer for me and I will do this for your podcast. Okay. Just so you know. And I do this, you know, I just think it's so important. Absolutely. Sharing it on social media. But writing a review, like write a review for the podcast that you're on, like, that's so, you know, it's just such an easy thing to do. Share it. I always ask podcasters once I'm on their show, you know, and I'll just ask you live and you can tell me after. But is there any type of guests that you're looking for? Because I have an incredible network of people I can connect you with. I have a bunch of people that might be a great fit for this, you know, show. Do you need any intros? If so, I do those intros within 24 hours. And then I always ask, hey, do you know anyone else who has a podcast like yours or a friend that you think I'd be a great guest on. Would you mind doing an introduction? And it's just like reciprocity, like supporting each other. And it's, it's not hard, but there are specific people that I won't have be a part of my stages or, or my opportunities because I gave them an opportunity and I was like, they actually, you know, were not. They just, they, they, they just made it about them. And really, events are expensive. They're a lot of time, a lot of energy. And if you have the privilege to be on someone's event, you better promote it, you better show up, you better be on time, so you better be prepared and you really better be appreciative because it's somebody betting on you and their reputation too. It's more than just, you know, a 60 minute slot. It's so much more than that.

So true, so true. Well, thank you so much, Deirdre, for sharing so much beautiful wisdom here today. It's been such a joy chatting with you. Is there anything else in particular that you'd love to leave the audience with as we finish up the pod?

I mean, it's just been so fun chatting with you. So this has been so great. I think the biggest thing is I really believe that everyone who has a business, if you're a coach, if you're an expert or you want to step into those spaces, speaking on stages for me has been the fastest way of growing my business. But definitely, if you are looking for support in this arena, feel free to reach out. I'm more than happy to have a chat with you. I'd love to chat with your community and just, you know, your story is in you to share. And if you've healed or overcome anything, there's a story there and it will bridge a gap and connect with your audience. So don't be afraid of leaning into that. And visibility is your responsibility. So getting visible and putting yourself out there, it can be scary, but it's absolutely worth it.

Love that. Amazing. Thank you so much. I'll make sure I share all the links so people can connect with you in the show notes and we will share out the podcast episodes. Everyone can see it. And yeah, thank you so much for being a part of the, part of the pod today.

Yeah, thanks for having me.