738 The Nervous System Ceiling That Caps Your Growth with TIMEA URBAN

Welcome back to the Next Level Life podcast. Today I have a beautiful special guest talking about an incredibly important topic that I feel like all women need to listen to this podcast. If you run a business and you're a woman, you need to listen to this episode because right even before we started hitting record, we were talking about, like, running businesses like a woman, like a man, and being conscious of our connection to our body. And I just am so excited for our conversation today. So I am welcoming the beautiful Tamea Urban to the podcast. Thank you so much for being here today.

Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to talk about this.

Yeah, I'm so excited for our conversation, and I'm sure it's going to resonate with so many women. Before we dive in, can you share with us a little bit about what caused you to get into the workaround nervous system and tell us a little bit about your journey in business?

Absolutely. So it wasn't by choice, I would say I was kind of, like, thrown in by accident through my own journey. I. I am a registered nurse. I specialize in neurosurgery trauma. So I've always loved the brain. I love the spine, I love the body. And I wanted to get into healing, and I was like, perfect, I'll be a nurse. I'm going to help heal people. Well, spoiler, you don't do that as a nurse. You just. You get burnt out. You start getting really crusty. You're not really helping people because there's not enough time. And then through my own mental health journey, I got thrown into learning about what the nervous system is because I had to. So I would love to say. I'm like, oh. I just, you know, read about. It was so beautiful. I'm like, oh, no, no. I got, like, thrown into the deep end. And I was like, okay, so I'm learning about it now. I need to. So when I really got into, like, my own trauma healing, I realized that there was a missing link. And you can't just logically think about it. You can't intellectually work your way through an issue. And this is the why. I mean, when I was in therapy for so long, I was just kind of like, going every week and like, here are my issues. And beautiful, there's your issues. Bring them back next week. I'm like, okay, this is great. I was like, why are we not progressing? Yeah. And then what am I, right? It's just. It's not. Not poo pooing on therapy. I'm in therapy. But you got to do somatics just to include the body.

And I think as well, like, you need to be conscious of the. Of the fact of, like, just talking about it isn't really going to make a lot of change or re. It sometimes reinforces the issue. But even just the thought, like, as you were saying, and I'm sorry to interrupt you, I feel like it's important that we just touch on this. It's like almost like the expectation that got to bring more issues next week. Like, you end up finding more issues. Like if I. If it's. It's like going and doing Dr. Google or Dr. Chatgpt these days. Like, if you go looking, you will find a problem.

Absolutely. And you're absolutely dying. You're like a hundred percent. And then it was actually so funny. One of my friends just got certified in nlp and she's like, do you mind if I just practice on you? And being a girlfriend, I'm like, sure, whatever this thing. Thing is, like, let's try it. And funny enough, I literally dropped a limiting belief, a trauma that I wasn't even able to like, get into with a therapist for a decade in 15 minutes. And I was like, what the did you just do? Sorry, what was that? And then literally I was like, okay, nursing. I'm getting into this because I want to make a difference in this world. So that's literally what happened. I ended up getting certified myself. So my specialty is nervous system regulation, somatic processing, as well as subconscious reprogramming. So those are like my juicy nuggets of like, you need those things to actually heal if you actually want to heal. Some people don't. And, you know, teaches their own. Then that's how I kind of dropped into this.

They're not ready yet. Or the universe hasn't forced them to just yet like they did for you.

It's coming.

Yeah, it's coming. So can you just explain to us semantics? Because I feel like it's a word that doesn't get. It's not. It's not a normal word that we just talk about in our normal everyday vocabulary. But so someone's listening to this and they're like, okay, nervous system. I understand. I feel like we talk about enough about the nervous system to know what the nervous system is.

Not.

Not necessarily that people understand the feeling or the connection to our nervous system necessarily, because I feel like we're very, very conditioned to not even pay attention to that. And so we're. Anyway, we'll get to that. But can you Tell us a little bit more about what somatic the word means, what, where it comes from, like what's, what is somatics?

Absolutely. So soma is the kind of like the root of it and that represents body. So somatics is like you're learning about the body. And it's funny because I feel like this will be like a theme for our discussion today. We're not men and we are women and women have feelings and we're very intuitive and we also were cyclical beings. And I feel like we're programmed from a very young age. Being like, okay, so you get a period, you just need to ignore it, don't look at it, you don't fluctuate. Every day is a day. Sorry, I'm not a man, I'm not on a 24 hour cycle. I do have a cycle and things fluctuate. And that doesn't mean that I'm weaker and I can do rest. It just means there's going to be creative moments. There's going to be moments that are needing into like leaning into rest. And we ignore that. It's like you have a headache, you should take some Tylenol. Wait, have you drank water? Why do you have a headache? Are you overthinking? Can we, can we just take a second and pause as to why that's happening? But then with today's like medical system, it's like, here's a pill and then here's your side effects. So here's some more pills for the pill. And here you go. And all of a sudden it's like, which is why I'm like, I can't be a bedside nurse. Like I cannot do this. It ethically feels wrong. So when we're talking about somatics, we're actually just learning how to speak to the body. And the thing that we forget is that actually 80% of the information from like our surroundings, it moves from our body up rather than our brain down. We're only aware of, of course, 5% of like the logical mind. But then what about the 95? The 95, that's chillin. Like what about that part? Like I want to access all of my brain, thank you very much. So I find that it's just important for us to understand what is our body saying so you don't go into, you know, dumpster fire. Like life is ending and like everything is like falling apart. You can be like, ooh, tickle in my throat, ooh, I'm having some tension in my jaw. A big thing for women. Also is, have you pooped? Because if you're not pooping, something's going on, like, you're holding on. So then rather than getting mad at our bodies being like, like, oh my God, why am I so tired? Or like, why are my bowels acting up? Being like, why are my bowels acting up? So we learn how to actually work with our body, not just numb it and ignore it and avoid it.

And I feel like the society even is coming forward in their understanding, with understanding that there's something underlying there and the emotional connections to our emotions. So not just to our emotions, but to the elements in our bodies. And I absolutely am so, always so fascinated with this. And so you. I love that you get to work with this and understand how the connection, connection between the mind and the body and how it shows up in the body. Majority of things show up in the body. Whenever I have a client that comes to me and they're sharing with me some type of ailment or something that's showing up, I'm like, like in a little investigator, I'm like, oh, what's that? What's that meaning? What's that emotional connection? Let's explore it. Because it's showing up because you've ignored it. Like, if you're not even conscious of it or you've ignored it, then it's going to show up in other forms in order for you, for you to pay attention to it. And so when it. Relating this, even just back to business, I think sometimes we're so conditioned to act in our business or be in our business, manage our business as a man that it's like we're ignoring our emotions. And as a woman, our emotional connection to everything that we do and our intuition is an absolute superpower. And I feel like when we ignore that, we're missing out on absolute gold. Like, I now run my business with my cycle. I looked at that really early on in my business. I remember having a guest on the podcast once talking about this, and I was so fascinated by it. And now I know, like, if I'm. There's always going to be moments. Yes. When you're in seasons where you've got to push through and all the things. But now I know, like, I'm giving myself this permission and kindness in moments where it's like, oh, well, of course you don't feel camera ready. Like you're in your week where you actually don't want to show your face to the world. You actually are in a reclusive mood. Right. And there's other weeks where I'm so on, I'm energized. I'm like, the best version of myself. And in those weeks, I create a hell of a lot more content. So, like, working with it is so much more powerful. And I think that if this episode gives you anything, as you're listening, like, let it be the permission to run your business like a woman. And that does not mean being emotional. Like, I feel like that's one of the first places I want to start with you is, like, people think, oh, I'm going to be then tied to my emotions. But that's not what we're talking about, right?

No, for sure. And I mean, I would like to say that if you have emotions that are coming up, they didn't just come out of nowhere. Like, it is like, oh, there's rage. Like, hold on. That came from somewhere. So I personally think that if women are getting into, like, PMS and are getting super or let's say postpartum rage or perimenopausal rage, that's actually just a whole bunch of rage that you shove down for a really long time. Like, that didn't just come up out of nowhere. It's just that you've been disconnected from your body and not giving yourself permission to feel. Hence, it's now coming up. So anything that comes up. And like, I feel like in our generation as well, you got to be that good little girl. You got to be quiet, be seen, not heard. Don't be dramatic. Don't be emotional. So then we're programmed to, like, oh, shove it down. But then when you shove that down, emotions are just energy in motion. You can't, like, destroy energy. Like, it has to go somewhere. So then all of a sudden, it goes to your gut, and then you have bowel issues. All of a sudden it goes to, let's say, your uterus, and you're having issues with your periods. And then it's like the doctor's like, I don't know. Go on pill. I'm like, I don't think that's the answer. How about feel your rage? So I think that it's important for women to, like, lead into that rage room for everyone.

Oh, my God, Love it so much. I feel like what comes to mind is like, you know, when Taylor Swift brought out the new the Torture Poets Department, and she did that part of her concert where. And they called it, like, the Female rage musical. And I'm like, it is literally like a catharsis of all these women releasing all of Their rage through that. It was so entertaining to watch that, but, like, starting to, like. I love that you highlighted that. It's like, it's not just showing up now. It's actually something that you have suppressed and pushed down for a really long time. And so working through that is going to support you. I also want to tie in how. Because I feel like if anyone's listening to this podcast episode, they're like, I'm not really sure this episode's for me just yet, because we're talking about health. I want you to know that this has such a correlation, especially your nervous system and your capacity and your connection to your body with your level of success and how much resistance you have to achieve more. And we're going to get into this, so please stick with us here. So talk to us about the connection between our nervous system and our limitations and our achievements.

Okay, so if you are dysregulated, which I feel like now is the buzzword, it's like, you got to get regulated, but nobody actually knows what that means. Also, being regulated doesn't mean that you're just this calm, gentle, being love and light. No, no, no, no, no. Regulated is you can hold the energy of more. And I think that's important for people to know. You don't need to be having the best day ever to, let's say, manifest. But you can't be dysregulated and manifest. So there's a difference there. So I can be pissed, I can be sad. It doesn't matter. I can still have good things coming in. Clients are still booking. I'm still calling in some miracles, all the goods. But if I'm dysregulated, then all of a sudden my body is like, oh, we're dying. Okay, cool, cool, cool. There's something that's literally gonna attack me and eat me, and I'm gonna die. Like, things are ending. So your body's like, okay, so make sure she breathes. Check mark. She's breathing. Perfect. Done. And our bodies aren't actually meant to be successful. They just want to survive. So survival and thriving is completely different. So you can be, like, scraping by in your business. And your body's like, I did my job. You're breathing. Like, everything's working out. But then your brain's like, nah, I'd like to make more money and feel good with that. But then if you have this constant state of dysregulation, then imagine, like, your cup of receiving just has, like, a whole bunch of holes on it. And, like, it's on fire. Like, you're not picking up anything from a cup that is on fire.

The dumpster.

Exactly. The entire dumpster on fire. Like, there's raccoons. It is scary. Nothing's coming. So we need there to be space to receive. And I always like to, like, give a visual. Like, I'm a very visual person. So let's say you're going to. Do you guys have Starbucks? Yes. You do? Yes. Okay. Sorry if that was a rude question. I don't remember last time I was in Australia. I know I did not see many Starbucks because I always went to the little places.

It's because. It's actually because we have much better coffee than Starbucks and we go to the, you know, the small dude in the wall that does the best coffee. And Starbucks is so full of other stuff that we just avoid it. But yes, we do have it.

But it's for a visual. Okay? It's for a visual. And I love, loved your coffee. And I remember when I went, I, I came to Australia years ago and I was like, okay, can I get a to go cup? And they're like, here's your cup and sit down. I was like, what is this? And this is lovely. But like, oh my God, I've been told. So you guys are doing things right, for sure. But if you have a tall cup and you're like, I want to call in all these manifestations. You need a bigger cup. But if you keep coming with this little tiny cup, you're not going to receive like a venti size manifestation. So if your nervous system is dysregulated or your nervous system doesn't have the capacity to hold more, then you're not going to call in anything else. You don't need to hire another business coach. Like, I know you do. Much deeper than just like surface level, like, bro marketing. Like, here's your sales funnel. Like, guys, it's not the only thing you need. There's so much more. So you need to have the capacity to hold more. Can you take in five more clients? Really? Can you? I'm sure you want to, but, like, can you. So you need there to be the regulation to hold more. And think of the regulation like it's your foundation. You can't build on a shaky foundation that's not ready to be built on. But you're like decorating the walls, but the foundation's still, like, setting. It's like, no, no foundation. Please and thank you.

Yeah, love that. Would you mind sharing some symptoms that show up for business Owners when their system is dysregulated. Because I feel like as they're listening to this, it's like, okay, how do we're in dysregulation? Or my cup is so small. Because sometimes even there's such a disconnect. And I have this conversation with business owners a lot. Like, like exact. That exact example that you just shared. Like, I do want more. Five more clients. And when I think about it, yeah, five more clients sounds great. But there's a disconnect between the conscious mind and the body being able to, like, your. Your nervous system saying, no, I can't handle that. I don't have the capacity versus your brain going, yeah, that sounds good. Can you talk to us about the symptoms?

So, I mean, I can get into the body base, but I actually want to mention things like, you're procrastinating. That's a trauma response. That's dysregulation. And then you're just like, yeah, but that's just how I am. But maybe you've just always been dysregulated. Or let's say, like, you know what you need to do. And you're like, okay, so these are the steps I'm going to take. I. I like, pre plan my launch. My launch is coming in a month. And then all of a sudden you're like, oh, yeah, I'll do tomorrow. Oh, you know, I can't. And like, you find reasons. You get obsessed with the details. You're like, my sales page isn't ready yet. Let me just, like, fix my sales page. Oh, you know, just. You know what? I'm going to hire one more coach. And, like, please hire your coaches. We are coaches. We're here for you. But there's a. There's another way of using it as almost like an excuse of like, I'm not healed yet. I'm not ready yet. Rather than just actually going and doing it and then check in with your physical body. Like, ladies, please, like, underline this is super important before you're about to launch something. What does your body feel like? You're about to jump on a sales call. What does your body feel like? But then, even if somebody has paid you, you got the result you want it, Someone has sent you the cash. They're like, I like you. I trust you. Here's my money. Does your gut go, oh, my God, what if I fuck it up? What if I make a mistake? What if it's not good enough? What if they leave me a bad review? Like, what if I can't deliver what they need. And all of a sudden you start like getting into the spiral and the self doubt. So your body is always telling you a story of what's going on. And you can also self sabotage in very physical ways. I've had clients who, and they were a business client but then they were also talking to me about some health stuff where this is the year I'm going to work out, I'm going to do it, I'm on my meal plan, I'm going to the gym. Oh, sprained my ankle, can't do it. Oh no, not my fault. And it's just like ah, every time they're on their way up they physically injure themselves and there's like I can't do it. And it's like no, that's still a programming that's coming through.

Oh my gosh, yes, all of that. And then even adding to that like the money side of things, it shows a lot in the money side of things too where people are like oh, I can receive it but like do I, can I keep it? Can I hold on to it? Am I, am I, can I circulate it in a way that feels good for me? And I think that sometimes the some stuff comes up there as well. Like as you were sharing, I was just like lost in like yeah, oh my gosh, we see that, see, hear this all the time. It shows up in so many unique ways and I think it's that being like really just paying attention. Take a moment to be like, okay, how do I feel about this? Because and the reason why Tamayo is talking about this like you will sabotage it. Like if your body is saying no, if your nervous system is like I don't have the capacity for that, I can't handle it. I'm too fearful of that. What about all the danger? You are going to sabotage it in every way, step, step of the way. And so if you feel like you're pushing up against a plateau, if you feel like you are wanting that success but you've wanting it for ages and it hasn't been happening. We really need to look at the somatics really to look at what's going on within the body and what's the connection there that you are not paying attention to. So can we talk just to begin with like super basics. For someone who's listening to this, who feels like they don't really have much of a connection to their body, where do we start?

I mean it's so easy and it's so easy that People aren't going to do it because they want like this 15 step, hour long process and they want to pay money for it. People don't want to do something that's easy and free. So you want to connect to your body. I'm going to like blow your mind. Put your hand on your body. Oh, close your eyes. Okay. Take a breath and just be like, body, how are you? Like, how are you feeling? And it's. Where are you breathing? Are you breathing into your upper chest? Are you breathing all the way down to your belly? Where, where are your shoulders? Are they over here? How's your jaw? Are you clenching? This one's also so easy and so funny. Are you clenching your bum cheeks? That's like such a thing. Because when you're clenching your bum cheeks, you're literally in a freeze. You're like, oh, I'm scared what's going to happen? So it's checking in with the body and doing these like micro moments of mindfulness. And it's funny again. It's like, it just seems too easy, but it works. So if you take like 5D breaths and like not rush it. Exhale with sound, make some sound to vibrate through your neck to really activate the vagus nerve that is going to relax your body and tell your body you're safe before bed. I put my legs up the wall and like, I talk about this all the time and people are like, oh my God, her legs are up the wall. I'm like, do it. I sleep like a angel. Okay, legs up the wall. It regulates you. It you, it tells your body that you are safe. So these little tiny things that you can do, it's not complicated. The thing is consistency. But the consistency, like, you're not going for a 5k run. You're taking two minutes to reset and like calm yourself. And you can do this anywhere. Like, if you're a mom, hide in the bathroom, hide in the closet. I used to hide in the clean utilities closet when I was still nursing full time. And I'm just like, get me out of here.

So true. Oh my God, that's so funny. And I think it's one of those things that, yeah, you're right, people don't do it, but there it. I can. You can even see it. Like, and I know that we've done a lot of work around it ourselves. So we see it. Like, I can tell when someone's dysregulated and it shows up in so many ways, even just to the point of like, if the way that you show up on socials. If you are dysregulated and you're showing up from a place of fear, people feel the intensity of that and they feel it from a place of either desperation, or it could even be a place of uncertainty and, or insecurity. And people will feel that and run for the hills. And they will not invest in you because they don't want to be around people who are dysregulated. Right. So being conscious of that, like, it. It affects so many areas of your body. If you dysregulated, how are you making effective decisions for your business? So, and I was saying this to a client literally on Tuesday, and she was asking me the same thing. She's like, how do I. What do I do knowing that I'm. I'm dysregulated? How do you manage that? How do I keep my self supported? And so can you share with us a few more little rituals that we can do on a regular basis as business owners to support that regulation?

So the number one thing, you need to like, take care of your physical body. And we all know what that means. Like, don't eat, drink lots of fluids. Like, don't over caffeinate. I love coffee, so I'm not getting rid of coffee. I'm not one of those people. I'm like, you give me that coffee. Thank you very much. But you're not drinking a coffee at like 4pm like, we're not over caffeinating. And you need to work on your sleep. And that sounds like, I feel like this is like women trying to be men, where it's like, I'm good on four hours of sleep. I used to be so proud of myself when I was like, I just got off a night shift, I didn't sleep, I went straight to the gym. What up? And I was like, I am dying. I hate this. Like, this is not bragging, like, don't do that to me crap. But then, like, men are okay with having like four hours of sleep. Women shouldn't. We need more sleep. And that doesn't make us weaker or anything like that. It's just our bodies function differently. We also have like, more functions. Men kind of just like show up. Like, we can create babies. Okay. There's a lot more happening within our body, thank you very much. So you really gotta prioritize your sleep. And then that, like. And these are all things that we already know. No doom scrolling before bed. Don't be on screen so late. Don't like, careful with what you're Eating like, I know for me there's like a cutoff of when I should really not eat a heavy meal because it's going to throw off my HRV and it's going to slow, like throw off my sleep score. I know what time I should go to bed at that works best for me and for me to wake up early. Like it's just like we know those things that we need to do. And the thing is, like, it's not a surprise. You don't need like a fitness coach to tell you this. Like you know how your body works the best. So you need to take care of that. Because when it comes down to it, your body, well one physically moves you. If you're not healthy, nothing's fucking working like you're miserable. But then our subconscious mind will actually manifest and map on our physical bodies. So if somebody's getting, let's say injured or has a certain ailment or some sort of anything physical popping up in their body, it's, it's showing up as a limiting belief that's showing on your body so you can actually like, oh, interesting. Why is that happening?

It's honestly so fascinating. I like as you were talking, like I think of one of my sisters and I'm like, oh yeah, I can definitely see the constant dysregulation and affecting to physical ailments. It's really fascinating. But I love the idea of the sleep piece being one of the first things to focus on because it is one of the simplest things that you can just focus on. I mean, I'm saying this is a single woman with no kids. So I sleep real well. But like it is, it makes a big, such a big difference in the way that you are waking up in the morning and how you're setting yourself up for the day. If you've had a really good night's sleep, it is so much easier to regulate everything else. So I love that. Any, any other rituals you want to share?

Well, I mean I love eft tapping. For me, I think that is really, really effective. I'm also a reiki master. So for me like I'm very. And I'm just a very energetic human. So for me, like anything that's energy based, so whether it is acupuncture or eft tapping that really helps. I just got a vibration pad, like that's a new thing that I'm using and I literally obsessed with it. So it's just like this thing you stand on and it like shakes you and it's like for lymphatic drainage and all that. It's the, it's wonderful. You stand on it for like 15 minutes, but it like shakes the tension out of you. Like, you know when you just need like a little shake up because we're all like, you're like tight assed and like all like crunchy. It like loosens you up and it just feels so good. And if you don't have a vibrational pad, you can literally do like primal shaking. And it's like you're stomping, you're shaking. And I would say the other big thing is emotions need to be felt.

Yes.

And that's not a. Go to your therapist and talk about it. And it's, it's. I say this because it's so funny. I remember when I started working with a new therapist who's into somatics, and then she was just like, what emotion do you feel? And I was like, I know. What do you mean? I just, I don't know. What do you. Huh? And I couldn't list emotion. Like, can you list emotions other than happy, sad, angry, everyone's like, not sure, frustrated, like, and even just like sadness? Like, is it grief? Is it disappointment? Like, there's so many branches. So then when you take a moment and when you're having the feels, literally be like, what am I feeling? Like, what is the emotion? And you don't need to necessarily get the perfect word for it, but it feels like heat in my chest. Interesting. So then how can I move the heat in my chest? Can I like, move it? Like, a lot of people will get like, oh, there's like a weight on my back or my shoulders, or there's like a weight on my chest. I'm just like, let's move it. And it. That seems too easy. But it works like this because our subconscious mind is very visual and very physical. So when you've actually done it, it's like your brain's like, check mark. I just did it. And like really lean into you. Being a three year old, you're pissed. What would you do? You wouldn't be like, it's okay, everything is fine. No, you wouldn't. You would like stomp your feet, have a little tantra, and if you take it out on like your bed or like a pillow and just like, give her like, you'll last maybe three minutes. And then you're like, I feel amazing. Done.

And yet we're so fearful or conditioned in the society that we shouldn't express our emotions. But as women, we must like it is so incredibly important because we've been so conditioned to even just not feel safe to express any form of anger, any form of emotion, because we should be seen and not heard. If you were told that as a kid, like, there's so many things that we're conditioned to believe that we shouldn't show emotion, whereas emotion is our strong suit and is our superpower. And I a thousand percent agree with everything you just said. We've got to express it. It can't be thought about. You can't think of feeling. You've got to express it. I tell my clients that all the time, like, go to a. Go get your pillow. Scream into your pillow. Like, if you feel that you've got to get it out, it's got to move through you rather than. Like you said, energy is in movement. It's got to move through you rather than. Otherwise it just stays stuck. And I think that, you know, men don't show as much emotion. They're still feeling it. They just don't show it again because of the society's conditioning. Whereas when we allow ourselves to feel it, our, our emotions communicate so much to us, but we're just not paying attention. And the amount of times that I'll slow the process down for a client of like, really talk me through exactly what you're feeling. Just even doing that of like, okay, where in your body do you feel it? Describe the feeling. Are you able to name the feeling? I love to use an emotional wheel. You can just find them on an image on Google. It's super easy.

My life, I'm like, holy, there's a lot of emotions there.

Yeah. Because we just don't have the vocabulary around our emotions. And when you just name them emotion and pinpoint what that actual feeling is, and there might be multiple, but pinpointing it and giving voice to it allows you to express it and it allows it to be acknowledged and felt and heard. And it just shifts it on so many levels. And I think that, that when we get into the practice of that, that's something that I teach my clients but also do myself because of what I've learned so far. With what you're sharing is like, just be present with it. And often we ignore it or we push it or avoid it. When you actually just find presence for it, the emotion moves through you quite quickly. And then you're able to gain the clarity or gain the insight that your body is trying to tell you. We're missing out on that on so many levels. And even actually, I think back to a session this morning with a client and we were talking about something that she was hesitating and procrastinating on. And I was like, what's the feeling that you have about it? And she was like, I don't want to do it. I'm like, and you don't want to do it because you, deep down it feels completely out of alignment with who you are as a person, or you don't want to do it because you're scared of the outcome. And she's like, I don't want to do it because it feels out of alignment. I'm like, great, don't do it. Find a different way. Right. Like, I think we're so conditioned to believe that it's only one way to do things, but there are so many different ways. And you've just got to find what feels really in alignment with you. And when your body is regulated, you can have that connection, right?

Absolutely. Absolutely. And I'll say this. We don't want to get into like the quotations, bad, ugly emotions, but you need to look at it like neutrality is in the middle. And if the like, anger, sadder and like more frustrated, you can get onto one end is literally stretching you and widening for you to be able to feel more joy, abundance, gratitude, love. You can't have one without the other. And that's why, and I'm not saying you shouldn't be taking any sort of medications, but when people are put on like a really strong antidepressant, they, they don't feel anything. Like there's no joy and all of a sudden that's gone too. Or it's like even an anti anxiety, it's like, great, you're not anxious anymore, but you don't feel any joy, happiness, or any goodness. So you can't have one without the other. And one isn't better than the other. No, like, like we have all created some really beautiful things out of anger and rage and like revenge. And like, I'm not saying like, let rage like fuel you, but like, you're gonna get shit done. Like, you'll go to the gym, you'll create that something and be like, oh, you. I'm gonna show you. Yeah, and that's not a bad thing. Like, don't let that be like what fuels you for life. But it like kind of gets you going.

Yeah, but don't make it bad.

Yeah, exactly. And then also, you guys need to remember that like you mentioned, if you actually feel the feels that doesn't last very long. It's like 90 seconds and like, oh, we're done. Oh, I'm angry and we're gone. Oh, I'm sad. Now we're done. The amount of energy it takes to like, shove it down and pretend you're good and be a people pleaser and like, yes, everything's great, you're not. It's not good. The amount of energy you lose in that, that can go into your business, that can go into your clients, that can go into a new hobby, that can go into sleeping better. And we're like forgetting that it's actually easier just to feel it and get it done and over with than to pretend it's not there.

Yeah, exactly. And so if you're listening to this and you're like scared of what you may feel if you allow yourself to feel, then having someone to support you through that is absolutely worthwhile. So like we said, we're both here for it when it comes to therapy. So being in a supportive space, if you feel like you've been avoiding or suppressing your emotions for a really long time, start there. And then once you've processed and, and healed a lot of that, then you get to the point where you'll be able to process and experience your emotions quickly on a regular basis and then you can start to pay attention to them. And you know, anger gets such a bad rap. I think I agree with you that anger, anger, just as an example, is one is such a powerful emotion that serves us especially as women because we're told, taught not to feel it or express it. Yet anger is a representation of either a boundary being crossed or you needing to stand up for yourself. And we need that as women.

Right. And it needs like, where did you self abandon? Yeah, exactly.

So good. So let's even. I would love for you to speak to like that regular check in or is there anything that you do to really notice, like where your nervous system, like coming back to your nervous system piece. And I know we've been talking a lot about emotions, but I want to talk about the nervous system. Yes, the regulation piece, but where we're blocking ourselves, where we're noticing that there's a ceiling to our next level of success. So obviously our podcast is all about next level. So we want to talk about like expanding that. So how do we go about if we recognize we've got a small cup, but our dreams are in a bigger cup, how do we expand our nervous system to support us to be able to call in and manifest and experience and hold more.

So the key to your Nervous system is safety. If you don't feel safe in receiving, you're not going to receive it or you'll get it. And then self sabotage and somehow it leads. So it's important for us to feel safe in the expansion of that. So unfortunately that comes with. If you're running a business, you have to be seen, you need to be visible. If people can't see you, no one's booking you. Like that doesn't make sense. And as women, we need to remember that we're also meant to be within a community, in a tribe. So we don't actually want to piss anyone off. You don't want to be like the tall poppy, like we're going to like you just want to fit in. Everyone wants to like you. We're good. And as women, I mean this happens for men as well. But I think as women is a little bit nastier. Where we were bullied at when we're younger, everyone has had like a mean girl experience. Everyone has had that, well, you know, I was really pretty and I like stood out and then someone took me down a notch. And when you look at like right now, like cancel culture, like people are like scared. But then do you notice that cancel culture is usually for women? Men can do whatever and it's usually, oh, she's too happy, oh, she's too successful. Oh, let's just take her down a notch. Like men don't get attacked like that. You know what I mean? So even if you're not necessarily big into like Instagram, tick tock, whatever, you see that? And even if you're consciously not aware of it, your body is picking up all that information. So we can't take in all the information obviously within our mind because there's just too much information. What our body does and been like, don't stick out, don't be seen, unsafe. And even if you don't run a business, let's say you have friends and you guys all like eat unwell and like, you guys, I don't stay up late. Like, no, no judgment. Like I'm a used to be a big party girl. Okay, no judgment. Then if all of a sudden you're like, you know what, I'm gonna go to bed early, I'm not drinking alcohol, sorry, I don't eat burger and fries anymore. I still eat burger and fries, obviously. But then you're like pulling back and all of a sudden you're putting more time into, let's say the gym or meditation rather than going out late night. Well then you're going to lose those friends and then that means there's loss. And our bodies are like, I don't want to lose anything. Because as women, and of course this is not a fact, I'm thinking of just like your primitive nervous system, if you're thrown out of your tribe, you're not going to survive. A man can survive by themselves. Again, not saying men are stronger, but in terms of the tribal reflex sex, we want to be liked and we want to be, like, within a group. But we forget that if you're in an unaligned group, one, you're not going to ever achieve the goals and desires you want. And there's a lot of other groups over there that are also meditating, also eating well, also going to the gym, also doing that self development. And I think that's something that's really hard for women. I mean, I'll go through a man breakup anytime. Losing female friendships sucks. Like, that hurts.

Yeah.

So we don't want to do that. But then you're going to downplay your gifts. You're going to dim your light, you're going to stay the same. Because if all of a sudden you become really happy, how are you going to bond over complaining? If you were always a single person, you have all your single friends and like, we hate, like, dating, but then all of a sudden you're madly in love. How are people going to relate to you? So then that's loss. So it's understanding that your nervous system will need to lose. But then it's almost like think of your nervous system being like a younger version of yourself. So you're having like a pep talk with it being like, okay, we're no longer in kindergarten. We're going to, like, grade one. And it's like, I don't want to go. But it's like, no, you do want to go there. That is good. It is good. It is safe. You're gonna have more friends. This is amazing. So you almost got to be like, okay, I know this is scary and you can't ignore the feelings. The feelings are there for a reason. Your body's protecting you. So all of those responses, it's not like, oh, why am I feeling that? No, no, it's good. Your body is trying to keep you alive. But then be like, you know, this is scary and we're going to be okay. And one of my mantras and like, I swear I did this for years. I'm okay, I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. Say it until you Believe it. I'm okay. But then be doing something else. So is it the tapping that you're doing? Is it the deep breathing that you're doing? Is it you're lying on the ground in like, like, just like sprawled open and like being held by the ground, but then doing those little tiny things. I feel like online we're also taught, like, I mean, I'm a millionaire tomorrow because I started a business. Shut up. That's not how it works. And we're all like, off. I hate that so much. It's like, stop. Agreed. Can I have one session with you so I can be a millionaire? No, no, no, no, you cannot. So we also try to do too much too fast. And if you were, and I mean, let's say we're talking about dieting. I want to lose £40 in a month. Are you unwell? Please don't.

Yeah.

Then we do something really aggressive, which is not sustainable. So then you're like, oh, too much. And then you go back and it's probably going to be worse. It's slow and steady. Slow and steady. You do a little check in in the morning, you do a little check in at night. You can set an alarm on your phone. Like, it doesn't need to be something fancy, like you're standing in line for your coffee in the morning. Rather than scrolling, can you just do a little scan of your body and like, oh, shoulders. Okay. Ooh, breathing into the belly. Ooh, wiggle your toes. You have toes. Like, wiggle your toes. And that, like, 32nd little moment of like, I'm safe, I'm good. Done. So these little tiny moments of regulation is what it's going to, like, teach your body that, oh, no, I. I am okay. I am safe. But you need to instigate that and you need to actually be consistent. And that takes discipline.

Yeah, absolutely. Love all of those tips. And I feel like it's so funny that we're recording this episode today because this morning with one of my mastermind groups, we went through, like, this next level of goals they're working towards this year. And one of the things we spoke about is like, how do we make that next level safe? Right? Because if we're going to repel it otherwise. And so one of my other favorite things to do on top of everything that you just mentioned, because I'm all for everything that you just mentioned, is allowing yourself to visualize the next level and build representation of safety with it. Because, like, you just said, like, you know, you could look at these things and Be like, yeah, I want them. But if it doesn't feel safe, we won't move towards them and we won't call them, we won't manifest them. But even, like, you know, you might look at other people online and they're talking about being a millionaire. And if you automatically have an averse response to that, that, or if you're like, well, that doesn't feel safe for me, then you're more likely not going to move towards it. But like, that's that gap between like, you know, kindergarten right through to year 12. Like, there's all the knowledge and all the growth you're going to go through in order to get there. And the more that you can, like, because your brain doesn't know the difference between real and imaginary, the more that we can create a safe representation of it. It makes it easier. And one of my things that I love to do is find someone that's done it, that has similar values to you and feed and build in the gaps because it's just gaps of knowledge that you have or gaps of experience or gaps of emotional experience. And when we allow ourselves to feel it, it'll actually support us to feel safe at that level. And I agree with you wholeheartedly. Like that emotional piece. If you feel like you can't manage your emotions now and you want that level of success, do you think you're going to be able to handle that level of emotion? Like I was talking about, it was interesting as I run an event here in Australia and I was saying, like, if I wanted to grow that event to 2,000 people, imagine what level of fear, anxiety, like logistical management, like all the things that would Happen to manage 2,000 people attending is so different to the 200, right? So, like, we need to be able to. And tell your body and your brain, because your body and your brain knows, like, if your nervous system is like, I can't even handle what you're throwing at at me now versus what you're saying you want at that next level. It's about that consistency and supporting your nervous system to be able to manage and hold that at that next level. Is there anything else you want to add to that? Because I feel like there's. There's so much that conversation thing that.

I think is actually so interesting. While you were saying that is as women. And I think this really hits as women, because men don't have this. You need to learn how to be a bitch and say no, because the more success. No, but it's true. Like the people who are the most successful, they say no to everything. What do women do? Okay, sure. Okay, yes. Let me make it work. Let me squeeze you in. Oh, you can't afford it. Here's a discount. Okay. But then if you're saying yes to things that are on the line, you're saying no to something that is. And really, for you to get to a certain level of success, maybe if your best friend is calling with yet another breakup, you're gonna have to be like, babe, I'm sorry, I can't. I need to focus on this. Oh, you just pissed her off. So you're gonna be ruffling some feathers as all of a sudden you're not a people pleaser. Because I feel like most women are. You're not over giving. You're set, like, setting some boundaries, and people are like, what the. What are you setting boundaries? I don't like this. I need to receive all the things that you're always giving me. But then also when you pull back all of a sudden, you get that backlash. So you need to be able to hold the energy of the backlash. And you're not doing this in like a rude way, but you're just like, like, no, I can't. And then prioritize yourself. Men have no issues prioritizing themselves. They're just like, I want that promotion. You didn't get it. I don't care. I got it. Thank you. But then a woman will be like, ah, are we still friends? Do I deserve it? It's like, so you can't do that. You need to. And I'm by no means saying you need to be like cutthroat and step over bodies, but you need to be able to be like, you know what? I deserve success. I also deserve rest. I also deserve peace. And if you're cutting into my joy, my success, my peace, I'm gonna lovingly remove myself from those situations that's hard for women to do. And then that's going to come down to, like, childhood trauma, attachment wounds. And then that's when you talk to one of us two that are going to get rid of the root cause of why you still have your mommy issues, your daddy issues, why you need to be a people. People pleaser and then allow yourself to expand.

Yeah, it's so interesting. It's. I love how you shared that, because I feel like when we're looking at that expansion, it is going to be so individual. Like, it's going to be so individual to be like, what. What their version of success is and also what they've been experiencing they're upbringing what their limitations are because for someone might be like, well, I'm not a people pleaser, but other people, like, but I'm a serious overthinker and avoider, right? Like, everyone's going to be so different in the way that that shows up for them and their own limitations. And so I guess like when we're saying here is like, think about your next level of success and ask yourself like, what are some of the behaviors, what are some of the emotions, what are some of the beliefs that you have that could prevent you from achieving that next level? And the more self awareness you can have around that, the easier it is to identify it. And I even like, it's such an awesome chat to have this with you today because like I, after doing a beautiful reflection from last year, I went back and was like, okay, what works for me? What didn't work for me last year? And there was so much, so much greatness, like, great stuff that happened, like, don't get me wrong, but there was absolutely dysregulation. There was moments when I pushed through when I really shouldn't have. There were moments where I, you know, really didn't stop to check in and be like, what does my nervous system need? What do I. What does my body need right now? And I think that when we're in different states of fear or anxiety or scarcity or, you know, pushing through in that season of pushing through and doing it all, we feel like we have to keep pushing through. And I would love everyone to take away from this episode that just don't make it so complicated. Like, I think that we just have to stop, Just stop. And it can be an hour. It doesn't have to be like, I think people, when they're getting to that stage of burnout even they're like, oh, it's gonna, I'm gonna have to take a really long holiday to take a break. But that's actually not necessarily always gonna serve you.

Like, no, not at all. Like, take a 15 minute fucking nap. Legs up the wall, so help me God. Like magic. It'll totally reset you. And that's it.

If you're listening at home, just literally go put your legs up the wall while you're listening to us right now.

Please, I beg you. And it'll change your life. But I also think that we need to take moments to reflect but really get honest with ourselves. And I take this maybe a little bit too far, but I find that it has absolutely transformed things for me. I Go on a trip. I take a moment on my way home from the trip being like, what could I have done differently? And it's something small. Like, let's say I have a dog. And I'm like, I'm never dropping her off in rush hour again. I just lost an hour and a half. I'm gonna drop her off early, even though that means I have to, like, leave work a little bit earlier to go do that. But then I really gained time and I didn't get the, like, will I get there on time? Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

It's like I have like a list of things that I take. Let's say if I'm doing an event, I do a lot of in person events. And then as I'm like, coming up home, I usually go to a coffee shop right after and be like, what could I have done differently? Ooh, you know what? Next time I'm going to make sure I, like, bring another extension cord because I needed that. And then your brain isn't open. And for women, we have so many tabs open. You need to close as many tabs as possible. But then your brain is going to be like, hey, next time I travel, don't forget this. Next time I travel, don't forget this. Write it fucking down. Like, I have a little notepad for when I'm traveling. When I'm running an event, if I'm doing like, let's say a virtual session with somebody, I'm like, oh, you know what? Next time I'll set my tech up like this. Check mark, done. And then you just remove it to tap, which also opens up bandwidth for you to be more relaxed.

So good. So good. So I want to touch on this before we finish up. I feel like we need to talk about the familiarity that keeps us stuck. Because when we're talking about the nervous system, we need to be conscious. Like, it's actually been programmed from our younger ages. And so if we are familiar in the struggle, if we're familiar in the stress and the chaos, then you might be listening to this being like, well, just dysregulation is my norm. Right. So how do we, like, can we talk a little bit about that? Because I feel like as we're talking about it, we must not ignore that because some people don't understand that that's not normal or that's not supportive of where you want to go.

Yeah, absolutely. So our brain and our nervous system just wants to keep us alive. But then for Us to stay alive. It wants to keep everything as familiar as possible. You've probably heard the saying, we will choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven any day. And that's just how we're programmed. Again, we're programmed to survive, not thrive. We're not programmed for joy or success. That's something we need to physically, not force, but embody to be able to get into that state. So we will always repeat the same patterns. Because that just means there's less things that can go wrong. Because anything that is change, it equals scary. It equals like, what if I die? You're not gonna die. And think of it like we all know how to drive a car. But let's say you get into a friend's car or you got a new car, you didn't forget how to drive a car. But then all of a sudden you're like, where's the. And then the. Oh wait, there's a button. What the? Why is there a button? Oh, hold on. And you turn into that 16 year old driving for the first time. And that doesn't mean that new car is bad. It's just you need to learn how to be in a different state. So for us to be familiar with something that's new, don't go gong ho. Like you need to go like gentle and small. You don't want to rip it open because it's just going to snap back and you're going to go backwards. So this is why those micro moments of mindfulness and regulation are so, so, so important for us to feel safe in the moment, to expand. And it's again being radically honest with ourselves, which kind of sucks.

Sucks.

We all have had like a certain type of person we've dated and we're like, again, like, what the hell? How did I get here? Or like with money. I feel like trauma in relationships and money are really, really connected. So it's like I made a lot. Now it's gone. Now I did it. And it's like we have a pattern. So when we really lean back and rather than being like, leave is so hard. There's no good men out there. But like, are you just choosing crap? Humans throwing it out there. And that sucks because then you're like, I'm the. It is you. But we can fix that. And it's like, imagine like you have a certain filter on where you're searching the world to just repeat the same thing over and over again. And it's not your fault, it's your nervous system and the primitive parts of you that just doesn't want anything that's like changing or anything that could be unpredictable. So when we acknowledge that then we can be like gentle with ourselves of just I am going to be triggered, I'm going to be triggered with that. So then really leaning into the regulation, into the processing and working with somebody to figure out why do you keep choosing the same thing? Why do you have like low self worth or why, why are you calling in the chaos? And that's like when you start actually like wanting to date properly and then you meet the really wonderful human. You're like, vanilla, he's boring. It's a no. This is what you actually want and desire. Stop it. But that can go with like money, that can go with business, that can go with clients, of course. So lean into. Is chaos something that I'm used to just because that's how I was raised? And then going into those like core beliefs and how, how was your childhood? How did your family deal with money? How did they deal with stress? How did like those limiting beliefs that are like in our being that needs to be unprogrammed. And of course that's totally easy. As you know with nlp it's like click, done. Oh, perfect. Updated operating system downloading.

Exactly. Oh my gosh, love it so much. And I want everyone to know, like is so freaking doable. And I think back to different patterns that I've shifted over the years. Like I think I was in corporate before starting my business and we were in sales cycles of a month, month. And so it was up, down, up, down, up, down, every single month. And so when I started my business, it was like that. You go hard, you get to the end of the month, you start again. And it was this cycle that was so draining that I was like, I got to burn out very quickly in the first, say sort of eight, nine months of my business. And I was like, oh, do I really want to be doing business this way? And then I remember going through a year of like, you know what, I'm actually not going to launch anything new. I'm not going to do anything else new. I'm just going to learn to maintain. And at first that felt boring. It was so interesting. Like I was like, oh, I'm bored now. It's like, well actually no, I'm not bored. But I need to find other ways to gain variety and to support like the enjoyment of the in my business. And so being conscious of that and be like, okay, but what's the sec? I always look for the secondary gain of like, what else am I getting here? I was like, oh, I want the dopamine hit of that launch and cycle. Like, all of that happening and that, that. That drama, right? Which then brings me back to another time, previously, to my business, completely separate to business in general, was like, I used to surround myself with friends that were really dramatic. And so they would gossip and they would talk shit, and we would get together and we drink and we just talk all the time. And I'd leave feeling gross. Like, you know, you know, like, it doesn't feel good. And you walk away and you're like, that wasn't an enriching conversation. That wasn't an enriching relationship. Connection. Connection at all. But we were in the cycle of it. And I remember having exactly what you spoke about earlier, this friendship breakdown, and feeling so sad about how these friends didn't want to hang out with me anymore because I stopped drinking. And I didn't want to gossip anymore because it felt terrible. But building up the new habit of, like, well, how do I create an enriching connection with someone? How can I feel connected with someone without the gossip, without the drama? And it almost, like, was this season of, like, finding my new way. Like you just said, like, almost like a toddler. Or like, when you start signing to learn to drive a car and it feels uncomfortable. But I think you've just got to hold the vision of, like, knowing that you will feel better afterwards. It's like anything, any type of change, right? It feels hard in. In the process of it, but then afterwards, it's so worth it. And now I love the way that I run my business, and I love the connections that I have with my friends and my clients. And it's something that you've got to learn to rewire, but trust the process. Otherwise it feels like you will quite easily go back to what you were doing.

Well, I think it's important for us to remember that there's magic in that messy middle. And also, everything isn't Amazon Prime. We're so programmed of, like, okay, I want this now. Boom. Sorry, that doesn't work. Like, even if you have, like, an instant pot and you're like, pressure cooking something, you still need to cook the chicken. Like, it still takes time. And I think nowadays we're just so used to everything being right now, like, God forbid, shipping takes two days. You're just, like, appalled. What do you mean? But that's life. And I think we just need to also just remember, like, life actually isn't supposed to move that Quickly. Like there's seasons or cycles and things take a moment. So as you're transitioning into that next chapter, into a new friend group, like you're moving, you're promoting, you're changing your business, there'll be the lull. But if you have safety in your body and you have the regulation in the tools to hold that in between, it's okay. And just remember, like, you can't constantly inhale, you're gonna have to exhale and there is a pause between the two and that's normal. So can we normalize that? There's an inhale, there's an exhale, but if you don't exhale, the inhale can't come. Yeah, but that's life. So there's sunrises, sunsets, it doesn't mean the sun's going to go away, it's coming back, but there's that moment. So if we give ourselves permission to pause, and that's just the slowing down and feeling safe in the slowing down and giving ourselves permission because again, I'm not a man, I'm not on a 24 hour cycle, nor do I want to be. So then leaning into that and then you can slowly feel at peace at that change.

Mm, my gosh, I really hope everyone listens to that part. It's so needed, I think in business to, to believe that, to just have that trust in the process and allow that, like, don't make the, the new breath mean anything bad. Like, or to the inhale and the exhale. That shift and change in the season, we often just judge it to be that we're not going, we're not forcing, we're not pushing, we're not doing the thing. We don't need to be in action all the time. Like, no. And I love like the connection of like, no. Letting the space inform the action rather than actually getting stuck in like go, go all the time. So yeah, I really appreciate you sharing that. That was awesome. I've absolutely loved our conversation today. Is there anything about somatics or nervous system that we haven't touched on you yet that you feel like is really important that we highlight?

I say this with love, but every single person needs to do it or you're going to be left behind and not left behind and like, you won't be successful but you're just gonna be fucking miserable. You need to know how to work with your body. This is your body and it's staying with you for life and not saying it in like a scary way, but you're either investing your health now or you're paying for your illness later. And nobody wants to think about that because we're young forever, obviously, and all of a sudden you're like, oh so lovingly. You do need to have that wake up call of emotions are bad. You need to feel them. It is going to get trapped in your body if you don't. And it can be a small ailment or it can be a massive cancer scare or something else horrific. You don't want to wait, wait for that wake up call to come. Now you have to be able to take care of your body now rather than later. And it's not bad and scary. It just, it expands your ability to experience life easier. You move through hardship faster. You build your resilience. Like everything just gets better. So there's no reason not to. And like, pretty please, I beg you, do it. Especially in 2026, like, we need to have our best year yet. I feel like 2025 was like, like spicy and rough. I don't think anybody had like an amazing, amazing year. So we have to lean into the goodness of 2026.

Love it. Thank you so much for being a part of the podcast today. Can you share with everyone how we can find you, connect with you and work with you?

Absolutely. So you can Find me online. TheUrbanHealer CA My last name is Urban, hence that you can find me on Instagram, the period Urban, period healer. So send me a dm, ask me any questions. And I also have a podcast, discover your joy with Chamele Urban. So thank you so much for having me.

Amazing. Thank you so much for being such an incredible guest today. Appreciate it.

Thank you.