Why you're still playing small in business ( even if you know you're meant for more)

Hello.

Hello. Well, I'm so excited to be chatting to you today, Lauren. Thank you so much for jumping on with me.

It's awesome to see you, Christine. At long last we get together.

Yes. Oh, my gosh, I'm so excited. We're four weeks away from the Unstoppable Women event and I wanted to do a little live with you because I know that one. You are the epitome of Unstoppable and I am inviting you to be part of my, part of my panel. And I'm so excited that you're going to be gracing us on the stage. And I wanted to talk a little bit about the event, but also we're going to talk a little bit about why you're playing small, especially if you're a business owner. Listening to this, one of the biggest things that I see, you know, especially in Australia or New Zealand, like we experience this tall poppy syndrome and we also really don't shine our lights as bright as we possibly could and we hold ourselves back. And I think there's an element of like, it's a smaller population, so it's a little bit scarier to put ourselves out there. But I don't know about you, but in this day and age, in the market that everyone's experiencing with business, if you are not doing something different, if you are not making your name in the industry, if you're not putting yourself out there, you are going to find it's going to impact your business massively. You finding that as well with your clients?

Yeah, absolutely. And thank you so much for inviting me to be on the panel. When I first saw the Unstoppable Women event and you first put that first promo out, I just was in there and they got a ticket. I just knew I had to be there. It's for the fact that you're running it in Brisbane, which is like a no brainer. If you're in southeast Queensland and you're a woman in business, there's one place you need to be on that date and that's at the Unstoppable Women event. And thank you for having me on the panel, which is awesome. I'm so excited to be sharing the stage with some incredible women who are doing amazing things. And thank you also for calling me Unstoppable. Some days. Some days I look up and I go, I don't know if I want to do this anymore. You know, it's too hard. There's all this. There was a lovely saying that I was reminded of just yesterday. I think it was Winston Churchill. And I don't know, don't quote me exactly words, but it was along the lines of, if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks, you will never make your destination. And it was the right time for me to hear that. And there's these little niggly things happening at the moment and I'm just like, I've got two options, right? I can make them bigger than a big thing, or I can treat them like the little yappy dog that it is and just keep going.

Love that. I love that quote. That's such a good.

It's not word for word, but it's close.

Yeah, yeah, but I understand the meaning of it. It's also like pulling your focus into focus. It's like, okay, where are you paying attention? What are you paying attention to? And is it serving your growth? And I think that sometimes when, you know, we get knocked off our kilter or we have our confidence knocked or something like that happens in business, we can often get caught up in the short term and we forget the whole intention around why you started your business and the long term goals and what you're wanting to achieve. I actually heard, I was listening to a podcast yesterday and the host was talking about how, like, the challenges that come up, that maybe you need to recognize that this is actually what you need in order to encourage you to challenge the way that you are showing up. Oh, I was like, that's so amazing. And it's so interesting because like the way that she spoke about it was like, yes, the challenge is here to grow. You like all of that stuff. But rather than looking at it like a problem, or rather than looking at it like, oh, I've got to grow through this, maybe it's actually asking you, like, are you actually showing up the way that you said you were going to do this? Are you being the person that you said you were going to be? And I was like, that was such a beautiful call forward to be like, you know what, show up, like, do like put your money where your mouth is. Right. And I thought that was a really powerful way of changing the way that we can really see ourselves in our own day to day life and business.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, another way of looking at it I guess is going just keep taking the high road, you know what I mean? And it's just like whatever happens around you. And you're quite right, I think the tall Poppy syndrome that we have in this neck of the woods, it is insidious and it sort of creeps in. And before you know it, you fall into comparisonitis and you're looking at what other people are doing more than what you're doing, and you're worrying about your competition way too much, and there's a big enough world out there, and you start to fall into that lack mentality that now suddenly you are playing small because you're seeing everything else as a bigger thing than it actually is. And it's interesting. I know one of years we went to New York for the Stevie Awards and women for women in business. We arrived from the airport, came out of the subway, and there were all these people in the streets who had medals around their necks. And it just happened to be that it was the New York Marathon that weekend. So we arrived on the Sunday afternoon and people were all walking around with their jackets and coats on, with their medals on the outside of their coats. This was like hours after the marathon had finished, right? And they're still proudly wearing their medals. And for the next three or four days, we kept seeing people in Manhattan wearing these medals around their neck. So, like the day after, the day after, the day after that, they would put this medal on, pick it up, put it back on, and wear it proudly out into the streets. Now, my husband has run two marathons in his life, and I was there for one of them. And seriously, in Australia, what happens? We win this marathon, we have all this effort and training and exhaustion to get there. We run this marathon, we get our medals, we take a photograph, we take it off, and we put it in our pocket and that's it.

Isn't that crazy?

It's just crazy after all that effort. And it's the same in business. We work hard, we develop so much amazing things. We're incredibly innovative in this. In Australia and New Zealand, we have this. Well, in New Zealand, it was called number eight wire. You know, you could create anything with a bit of number eight wire in Australia. It's the convict way of thinking that, you know, you're a battle, you stick by your mates and you're going to get through whatever life throws at you. So we do all the hard stuff. But then the minute someone says, hey, I've won something, it's awesome and yay, and I'm incredible. People go, oh, you're a bit big for your boots now, aren't you? Right?

It's crazy. Just.

It's insidious.

You're so right. It is insidious. And it is also like we're so conditioned by it. And I think that some people don't realize that they're actually also perpetuating it. So, like, my whole goal with this Unstoppable women event is to actually change the narrative on Tall Poppy, because I feel like we need to be the change if we're going to change anything here. And business is a beautiful place to create that change, because we need to, one, do it in order for us to grow and expand our businesses. But two, we need to be the people that challenge that thought. Because even when, like, when I launched my book earlier in the year, my book went bestseller in the first 24 hours, and the thought that I had when it went bestseller, I freaked out. I messaged a friend of mine, and she was like, that's amazing. Oh, my God, tell everyone. And the thought that popped into my mind was like, oh, what if I tell everyone and they stop supporting me? And I was like, what? What is that for? Where does that come from? And that was a little bit of the Tall Poppy. The fearful of. Fearfulness of, like, oh, if I've had this success, will people actually support me or will they tear me down? And I was like, hang on a minute. I've got all this support from my incredible community. Why am I thinking that? And it was just the conditioning around Tall Poppy. And it took me a good two hours to. To actually have the courage to then share it, which was so amazing. I was, like, so curious as to why I was sitting in that fear, which is. And I'm a mindset coach, so I'm like, I know how to work through the fear blocks. One, holding myself back. And, you know, if. If that's happening, even for someone like me who has the tools to work through the fears and blocks, I just fear for the people that don't have those tools. And so we need to change the narrative because we need to be the ones that are challenging our own thoughts with that. Especially, too, if we're the one looking at other people having successes and getting stuck and thinking, oh, that's okay for them, but it's not for me. Or if you have the thought of, like, oh, that's a bit too much. She's being a bit too much, or that's she's still talking about that success that she had three months ago. Like, if you're having that thought, you're part of the problem. I know how that. That might be a little bit challenging to hear, but just challenging that thought and being like, hang on a minute. How can I change the narrative here and start supporting people in those moments of success? In those moments of recognition. Because when we start to do that and we lift each other up, it changes our whole experience around success. Because one of the really interesting things over coaching women in business over the last eight years, that fear of success comes in. And that's all very connected to the tall Poppy syndrome here in Australia, in America, they're not like that.

You're so right, Christine. And it is. I love what you're saying. That whole we need to change the narrative that's going on inside our own minds. And you're right. It's having the tools, but also surrounding yourself with people who will pull you out of that as well and be prepared to call you on that bs. I call it the itty bitty shitty committee. You know those little voices in your head. You need another committee that's outside of your head, that are your supporters that keep saying to you, hey, you know what? I'm going to challenge you on that because it's an evolution, isn't it, around your own sense of self worth. It's funny, I was at an awards event on the weekend in Sydney. It was the Beeps Awards, actually. The lovely Matt Alderton, who runs those amazing awards, and there was a moment where the fabulous Colin Lee, who's an amazing property investing guru, he's just such a heartfelt guy. He's helped so many hundreds of thousands of people set up their financial futures. He's just got an amazing way of doing things. He won his award and he leapt in the air and he did what Colin does. He was just loud, he was shouting, he was hands in the ears, pointing finger. He was up on that stage. He was bouncing on.

Yes.

He was just. He went off, right. And this woman next to me said, oh, I don't like that. He's going, it's a bit over the top. And I went, oh, okay, I'm not going to hold back. And I said, no, I love it, actually. I think Colin's an amazing guy and he deserves every accolade. He works very hard for it. He does. He's incredibly supportive of this community. I think that's a you problem. And she went, oh, no, I don't think so. I think that. And we had this whole heated discussion and I'm on your side of the fence, Christine. It's not about whether you're better or worse or whatever, but it was actually seeing that tall Poppy syndrome in action.

Yeah.

Where his celebration was making her feel uncomfortable. And you're right, we need to change that whole narrative the whole way that we celebrate success.

Yeah. And let them, like, if they. That's the way that that person wants to celebrate their success, why can't we look at that and be like, far out. That's amazing.

Right.

I might do it differently. That's okay. But you know what? Like, let them be in their joy.

Yeah.

There's nothing wrong with that. And I. Oh, my gosh, what a beautiful experience. But also, I love that you challenged her because we need to be the ones that are challenging that. Because the thing is too, like, it's so insidious. Like, you said that when we don't celebrate other people's successes, we're actually repelling that success for ourselves, making it not okay for us to celebrate our own successes. Because if you're saying you're having that judgment about someone else, I guarantee you, when you hit certain milestones yourself, when you hit, hit certain and you get an award or when something great happens in your business, I guarantee you, you don't take the time to celebrate it for that exact same reason.

Yeah, absolutely. And you know what, Christine? Women are the worst at this. We're so quick to tear each other down. And you can put all over your social media, you know, bossy is where I'm supposed to, and I like being a bossy woman. And you can't tell me to be quiet and I'm going to be big and bold and audacious and all these sorts of things and then not be like that in real life and tear down people who are bossy or audacious or loud or proud of their achievements. And as you say, you know, women who are celebrating something that they success of a book launch that might have happened a year ago, big deal. You know, back them up. I mean, if you're not prepared to back up the book.

It takes a year to write a book.

Absolutely. So if you're not prepared to put some effort into supporting women in their success. Yeah, that speaks volumes about how you think about yourself.

And one of my most favorite things of reasons why I love to bring women together and the reason why I'm doing this event is to give people the experience of seeing what's possible. So when you're bringing other people to that space and you're seeing other people celebrate their successes, it's creating opportunity for you to be like, wow, if it's available for them, it's available for me. And if that is not the response that your brain is having, then that's a you. We need to rewire that part of your brain. So you can see that success and be like, hell yeah. Like, that's available to me. And the other reason why I absolutely love events is because it shifts what you believe is possible for yourself because you see this shift in perspective from other people's way of thinking about things and talking about things. So at the event, not only will be having beautiful curated opportunities to create, you know, unique connections, but it's also an opportunity for you to develop your network. It's also an opportunity and I'm going to teach people in a really unique way of doing this because one of the things that I see Americans do really bloody well is network effectively. We just don't do it well here in Australia. We don't. We go, oh, here's my business card. And then we follow up once and then it's gone. And it's like, well, hang on a minute. And often we're getting stuck in the scarcity thing of like, oh, I've got to get something from this. Instead of actually really pouring into people that we really see in value in. And we also think, oh, I've got to get something straight away from this one person. I've got to get a client out of this. Like it's, it's so scarcity driven that we're not really developing our network. That also the growth and expansion of your business long term and so disingenuous.

Thing as well, that people think they're being disingenuous by going to a networking event because the whole point of it is to try and land some clients right in the back of their head. That's what they're thinking. Their purpose is to go and do that. And it just needs that switch to flick to go well, no, it's not about getting clients. It's about what sort of amazing relationships could I get out of this just by being around the right people. And when you do that, because I see a lot of networking in Australia where people go to the same old things all the time because they're comfortable, they know the people and they fall into that nice little quiet comfort zone and then they get invited to go to a bigger event or one that's got more, what would you call them, people who've achieved more in your mindset or whatever else and now you start playing small because I don't know if I belong here. So there's this whole disingenuous approach that if you flip that on its head and went, you know what, I'm not in this for the money, I'm not in this for the business. I'm not in this for the. For the deal. I'm going to go and see who I can meet and how I can.

Actually grow and how I can give.

Yeah.

The beauty of, like, pouring into other people in a really genuine way. And what I love about the women that I attract at any of my events, any of my programs, is how genuine they are. They're just so kind, so generous, so giving. And where I'm going to teach everyone how to do it in a way that's not going to burn you out, that you're not just giving away stuff or you're not giving away your service for free. Like, that's not the goal of this. The purpose of this is to learn to give with the trust and the belief that it'll all come back to you. And it always does. And I've tested it, and it does. It's crazy how amazing that level of reciprocity that happens when you really do pour into people for the right reasons. And it's not in a place of lack or scarcity or just to get. And I think, right, it was a disingenuous thing. But I think sometimes I just want to acknowledge it's not an intentional disingenuous thing. I think it's just driven by the scarcity and the competition and the fear of not being able to achieve what you want to achieve or, you know, you really need to bring in another.

Client that we've grown up in. As you say, it's so different here in Australia and New Zealand compared to America, where the whole environment is, don't get above your station, you know, with your mates. I mean, I think it's ingrained into our culture. If you go back into Australia's history, when one of the convicts used to act up or do something bad, they didn't punish that convict. They took that punish that convict aside and looked after them and they punished everybody else. So that's grown into the whole psyche of Australia's wellbeing, is you don't desert your mate, you don't get higher than your station. So the minute that you jump up on stage and you shout and you go on about how great you are and how awesome it is, and look at my book and look what I'm doing, that cuts completely against this ingrained behavior and mentality that we have here. So it's interesting. It's a very challenging conversation that we're having right now. And if you're watching this video and you've already been triggered, you're Already thinking, oh, I don't like that we've said some stuff that put you off and, oh, you know, that's, that's not me. And I should, you know, if you're starting to feel that way, you need to get your ticket to come to Unstoppable Women. Because this, I feel, will be an event for so many people that will change their mindsets just, just enough for them to flick that switch to all of a sudden see a completely different world out there. That's no lack, no scarcity, no competition. There is so much opportunity out there for incredible women to do extraordinarily well if they just get out of their own way. And I think this is an event that'll help do that.

And those mindsets, like, they're actually already preventing you from achieving what you want to achieve. So even if, like, as you're watching this, like Lauren said, like, if it's activating you, yes, get to the event, but also acknowledge that you don't realize how much it's actually impacting you today. So the way that I think about this and the whole purpose of this live we were talking about, you know, recognizing why you're playing small is that those little mindsets, those little itty bitty shitty committee that's showing up for you is acknowledging that it's actually keeping you playing small, keeping you stuck in that comfort zone, keeping you believing that you're not capable or it's, you're not enough to be able to go after next level opportunities. And I put out a speaker competition for this event and it's been so amazing to have some beautiful people apply to the speaker application. And what I love about that is that it was challenging people to put themselves out there. And it's because I want this stage to be everyone's stage. I don't want it to be this barrier between like, oh, these amazing speakers up on stage. But I'm in the audience and I'm so far from that. No, I want this to be like, this is what's possible for you, but you have to choose you first. Yeah, you have to choose like, hey, I'm playing small. I recognize that I'm not putting myself forward for opportunities. And this goes along with everything that we do, right? Like, when you think about putting people forward for awards, going after opportunities for speaking gigs, putting yourself forward for a podcast, doing a live like this, like, I'm doing some. A whole bunch of lives in the next couple of weeks. And it's so fascinating with the majority of people that reached out that I spoke to about doing lives. Not many were like, oh, I've done, I do lives all the time. Like I did one on Monday and she's like, I don't think I've ever done one. And I was like, what? Like, what are you doing? Like, that's how you could be playing small in your business if you're not challenging yourself about how you're being more visible. Yeah. And if, you know, putting yourself forward for awards or putting yourself forward to being events like this and believing that you belong and I'm gonna. If that's something that you doubt or your fear, I'm gonna support you with that every step of the way. So please don't stress about it. Just get yourself to the event and I will support you every step of the way to feel like you belong because you will feel so connected and so lit up by the people in the room, but also so related, like their connection. Because I just know when I look at the list of people that I have coming and there's 70 plus women that have already booked the ticket. So trust me, there's going to be incredible women in the room, but genuine, real women. There will be no pretentiousness, there will be no cool kid kind of cool club kind of element. There will be no icky egos like nothing like that. Because I just know every single one of these women that's going that are being a part of this. They're so lovely, so kind, so generous and they're just going to be just like you. I just know if you're watching this in your attractive, either me or Lauren, I know that you will absolutely be. Feel like you belong in this room.

Yeah, cool. And the cool thing I like as well, Christine, it is that connectivity that you have. Because being unstoppable isn't about just being bullheaded, bullet, a gate. Nothing's going to stop me and dismissing people and just powering on to success. Being unstoppable, yes, it's got self belief, it's got resilience, it's got all those fabulous things about it. But it is that fabulous way of having your mindset challenge so that you grow constantly. So that as a business owner or an entrepreneur or a thought leader, you are constantly developing yourself to be a better, stronger, fitter, more capable, whatever it is, person that you're trying to achieve. But also being unstoppable is about surrounding yourself with those incredibly supportive women who will be there for you no matter what, through thick or thin, who will not let you stop, you know, who see in you more than you see in yourself and the sorts of like Erica Kramer and people like that, the amazing women you have who will be sharing their knowledge and their insight and yourself and your insight that you have. Christine, this. I don't think I've ever seen a women's event that offers so much education and empowerment and connectivity as what you're putting together. And I'm so excited about it. I can't wait.

I am so freaking excited. I've been like prepping and planning and all the unique little things that I have happening and it just gets me so lit up and so excited for what that day is going to be. And yeah, I'm just excited for every person that's going to be in that room because it's going to be worthwhile in so many ways. So even if you worry about taking a day off your business, you know you are going to get tenfold that time back. So I guarantee you it's going to be so worth your while. So make sure you make the effort. And even if you're out of Brisbane, like, honestly, I've got people flying in from everywhere. I've got someone that booked a ticket this morning that's flying in from Canberra, I have someone from Adelaide, I've got people from Melbourne coming up, people from Sydney.

They're coming to Brisbane because it's a nice, beautiful part of the world to be at this time. Awesome. That's fabulous. It's so good. And the thing is, playing small is the only person that that harms is yourself. Yeah. I mean, if you really want to make a bigger impact than you're currently making, if you want to have more influence, if you really positively want to help other people, then you need to work on yourself. Success comes from within. It comes from your accepting that I'm not perfect and I will never be perfect. And it doesn't need to be perfect. I just need to be working on myself a little bit at a time each time. And taking yourself out of your comfort zone and putting yourself into a room full of amazing women together who are going to challenge you to be unstoppable and to change the way that you think about yourself and success and what it means to be proud of your achievements, then absolutely the only one thing that's going to happen that day is self development and growth guaranteed.

And also so many practicalities like Tina Towers going through some practicalities around success isn't sexy and how to develop a million dollar business. I've got Annika Odahl from Pink Sparrow Social, who will be diving into practical strategies and how to stand out with reels. So if you really want to send out on social media, you're going to learn so much from that. And then I'll be doing a session about how to actually create an expansive year. So I'm so excited, so excited, so, so pumped. And then the beautiful Women on the Rise panel. We're going to talk all about self leadership and leading in your industry and what it takes to do that because it's so imperative that you do that right now because otherwise you're going to get lost in the sea of sameness, lost in the crowd and the saturation of your market. So, so pumped. Thank you so much. Oh, my gosh, I cannot wait to see you on the day and to hug you and to have you on stage. Thank you so much, Lauren. It's been such a good chatting with you today and I hope that. Yeah. Anyone listening, grab your ticket. You can find the website, which is UnstoppableWomen AU and grab your ticket ASAP.

Go for it, guys. We'll see you there. Stop playing small.

Yes. Thank you so much.