Applying the Infinite Mindset | Full Speech

Come on in, Come on in.

It is so exciting to see all of you. We need to get everybody back in because guess what? I know a secret.

And you know how it is. I can't keep a secret. Right. So how are you liking it so far? Yes.

So what if our next speaker was somebody pretty phenomenal? What if our next speaker was an unshakable optimist who really believes in a bright future we can build together. A truly visionary thinker with extremely rare intellect who has devoted his career to advance the vision of. Listen to this. Because guys, this speaks to us. A world in which the vast majority of people wake up every single day inspired to feel safe and at the end of the day fulfilled by the work they do. Good.

What if our speaker was the author of five best selling books?

What if one of them was Start with Y.

What if one of them was Leaders Eat Last.

What if one of them was the Infinite Game? Yes. Ladies and gentlemen, help me welcome Simon Sinek.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

So how exciting is this? Do you know when they told me about this, they told me about this today because they knew I couldn't keep a secret.

Okay, so can I tell you a little bit about our people, please?

Real estate people, of course. But I have to tell you that you're in the presence of truly servant leaders. And what I mean by that is they work every day to, you know, help create a greater good, which I know you believe in for everybody. Truly servant leaders that go out every day and work on behalf of others. I'm very proud of them. I'm very proud of several things, Simon. Number one, our leadership, who during COVID truly led with calm and, you know, took us where we needed to be. We huddled, we called a huddled and these people came and they came again and again and again. And because of the huddle we called and because of what we were able to do, we really gave them the charge to go into the community and be a resource and not a sales pitch. And we did that a lot of different ways. We did that through helping to refuel the food banks and how to look at diversity from a different eye and how to really go in and strengthen each community that they could and just build a better life for people. And the result of that has been tremendous growth in our company. So I wanted the opportunity to tell you that just we don't get the recognition we should. Typically as an industry, we tend to be commission breath sometimes and that's not who we are. We're an entirely different company. So we welcome you and we're glad to have you here with us. So talk to us a little bit about the fun things that might be coming. We know change is coming in our industry. We've had a really good ride for a while. You talk about the infinite game, if you will, first explain the difference in infinite and finite game.

Yeah, sure. I'm obsessed with this idea. In the mid-1980s, a philosopher and theologian by the name of James Karst defined these two kinds of games. Finite games and infinite games. A finite game is defined as known players, fixed rules, and an agreed upon objective. Football, baseball, there's always a beginning, middle and an end. And if there's a winner, then necessarily there has to be a loser. Then you have infinite games. Infinite games are defined as known and unknown players, which means anyone can join the game at any time, and you don't necessarily know who all the other players are. The rules are changeable, which means every player can play however they want, and the objective is to perpetuate the game, to stay in the game as long as possible. Turns out we are players in infinite games every day of our lives, whether we know it or not. There's no such thing as winning health care. Right. There's no such thing as winning education. You can come in first for the finite amount of time you're at school where we agree upon the time frame and the metrics, grades, but nobody wins education or nobody wins learning.

You can't be number one in your marriage. You can be number two, but you can't be number one.

Well, maybe the first time, but.

Exactly, exactly. But then it's finite and you have to try again. Exactly. The goal is to perpetuate, remember?

And there's definitely no such thing as winning business. But if you listen to the language of so many people, it becomes abundantly clear they don't actually know the game they're playing in. You know, I hear people all the time in business talk about we're number one, or I'm the best, you know, or I want to beat my competition based on what? Based on what agreed upon metrics, objectives, or time frames. And this is a problem because when we play with a finite mindset in an infinite game, when we play to win in a game that has no finish line, then there are some consistent and predictable outcomes. The big ones are, are the decline of trust, the decline of cooperation, and the decline of innovation. And if you think about it, everything that I just described, like, you don't know who all the other agents are. You don't you know, anybody can become an agent at any time they want. Anybody can do their, run their business however they want and nobody wins. You can. You know, selling a property is finite. There's a beginning, a middle and end.

Okay, that's what I was going to ask you about.

But then it just repeats and repeats and a series of repeating infinite, finite games doesn't make an infinite game, just makes you exhausted.

Okay, so we are finite in ways because we have rules, we have guidelines, we have all of that.

The transactions are finite.

The try not. Yeah, and people come and go and enter and not.

I'll give you a personal example.

I want that.

That shows you the difference.

Do I want that? That's the question.

It's the good news is the person who, who sold me this property.

Was.

The seller's agent, right?

And.

He was charming and nice and wonderful and lovely and helpful and all the things that I would expect. And I warmed up to him and he was apparently helping me. And then I remember distinctly at the closing, he sat there with no personality. All of his charm had left, all his friendliness had gone. He barely engaged with me. He just wanted to be there to collect his check so he could get out of there. And I realized it was all fake. It was all for show. It was all to butter me up so that I would simply sign on the dotted line. And as a result, I will never work with him again as a buyer or a seller. I'll never list with him ever. And I probably will never work with that company again because I realized they just saw me as a number. They never saw me as a person in the first place. He was an old white guy. I mean, that should tell you a little bit of something as well. That's sort of maybe how he was raised in the industry.

And by the way, the mortgage broker was no different.

He was charming and wonderful and lovely and helped me get a great rate, etc. Etc. And then I remember after I closed, he called me and said, congratulations. And I said, oh, thank you, that's so nice of you. And he called me just to congratulate me on closing on my house. And then the first thing he said to me was, and if you know anybody who's looking for a mortgage, I'd really appreciate the recommendation. He never called me to congratulate me. He called me because he wanted the referral. Like, give it a breath, you know, like, call me and congratulate me and a week later ask me for the.

Referral and see, let me tell you what sucks about that, can I say that what sucks about that totally is that's that one person.

Yeah.

Colored your entire and.

But this is finite versus infinite. He could only see the transaction. He could only see get business, get more business, get business, get more business. What he didn't understand is he's dealing with a human being. And the more that there's a relationship, I will gladly recommend him. I will gladly introduce you to my guy right now. I'm completely agnostic because if you're going to treat me like a transaction, I'm going to treat you like a transaction. If you're going to treat me like a transaction, I'm going to squeeze you to get more money out of you. I want a lower rate. I'm going to squeeze the agents. But if you treat me like a human being, I'll gladly pay a higher rate because I want to work with you. And that's what infinite minded players understand better, which is you don't have to be the cheapest, you don't have to have the lowest rate or the lowest price if you have a great relationship.

And, you know, thank you for saying that. And that really is we're the unbrokerage, you know, we're the unbroken, We're a little bit untraditional. I just applaud you saying that. So let's turn that just a little bit because I do think the old mindset of real estate is commission breadth. It's next, next, next I'm gonna say whatever I need to say, do whatever I need to do to get you on the hook for the next time.

Right.

What if we looked at it from a consultant perspective? What if we said what the consumer needs now? Because the semer, they've got all this stuff, they can go online and look at it, they can do a virtual tour.

They can go, you can't be an expert in what prices, what things are worth anymore.

But yet they need a navigator. Right now more than ever, the consumer needs a navigator. So should we approach it from a consultant or maybe even a coaching perspective?

Well, I mean, the simple answer is yes. How.

So? Let's think about what a coach or a consultant. Let's not use the word consultant. It's a dirty word in a lot of industries.

No, no, I don't mean that disrespectfully. It's just that that word has baggage.

Can I tell you something?

Yeah.

My Tar Heels are in the final game tonight, so let's talk about coaching.

So here's what I like about the term coach more Than consultant. Right. A consultant. By the nature of the definition, it's, I'm the expert, I'm the consultant. Right. A coach recognizes that you have value. So the best athletes in the world have coaches. And by the way, they're better than their coaches at playing the game. But the coaches have a perspective that they don't have. So I'm a huge fan of the idea of coaching. And when you say let me be your coach doesn't diminish your education. In fact, you may have bought and sold more houses than I've bought and sold. You may know more than me. Especially if you're young in this industry and you're selling to somebody. This is not their first rodeo. Right. But to be a coach means I'm going to guide, I'm going to do something heavy lifting for you, and you change your style to meet the style of the person you're with. If they know a lot, you can speak to them in a different way.

Please write that down. The definition of a coach, if we go back, right. A coach was to provide safe passage. Right. The coach would take you from point A. Yeah. And deliver you safely at point B.

Right.

That's what we do. We find your home. Successful closing.

Yep. And I think one of the essential.

Skills of being a good coach is listening. And this is a skill that is not taught in school. We don't learn it on home, unfortunately, and. And we don't learn it at work. Listening is not hearing the words that are spoken.

That's like my favorite quote that you say. Go ahead.

I'm sorry. Listening is. I thought I was being original.

Listening is not about hearing the words that are spoken. It's not being able to parrot back what somebody said to you. Listening is listening for meaning. Right.

You are a good listener. The. The test for being good a listener is if the other person feels heard. Right.

Say that again. Write that down.

So we've all had. Just take it out of the context of business. Right. We've all had an argument or wanted to share our feelings with a friend or a loved one. Right. Spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend. You're sitting on the couch and you say something's bugging you. And you say, can I just tell you something that's bugging me? And they respond by trying to fix it, or they respond by pointing out the facts that may or may not align with how you feel. Right. Well, that's impossible because this is what happened. And what they're missing is you are not looking for them. You're not looking for Them to compare the facts of what's being said. You just want to feel heard. You just want somebody to go, oh, my God, that's really hard. Yeah, I hear that. Thank you for sharing that with me. That must be difficult. Thank you. That's all I needed. Right? I'll give you a very funny example. Bad listening. So I used to date a girl who's an air traffic controller. Air traffic controllers are a breed unto themselves, and it's only about the facts. And I woke up one morning, I had something in my eye, and I couldn't open my eye. It was hurting, and I'm like, flushing it out with water and nothing's wor. And I mean, I couldn't even open my eye. And I have her come. I'm like, come here, come here. I'm like, look in my eye. What? Do you see anything? Do you see anything? And she looks in, she goes like this. And she goes, there's nothing there. And then walks away.

And I eventually, you know, whatever it was, I eventually was okay. And I went up to her, I was like, wtf, right? I'm like, I had something in my eye. You just walked away. And she's like, there was nothing there. So what do you want me to do? I was like, a little sympathy. She's like, well, that's not going to get anything out of your eye.

Listening is standing by my side while I'm flushing it out with water and go, oh, my God, that must hurt so much. Yeah, it does. Thank you. Right? That's listening. And if somebody can learn to listen. And now this is where it gets actionable. This is not me just waxing philosophical and telling funny stories about listening. My friend Will Guerdera. How many of you are.

Restaurant people? Have you ever heard of eleven Madison Park? So at some point in New York City, eleven Madison park was the best rest restaurant in the world, right? Ranked number one. And Will believes in this. He was the former owner. He believes in this concept of unreasonable hospitality, which is going to what good services and then going way, way, way beyond. And one of the core tenets of unreasonable hospitality is learning to listen. And I'll give you an example that directly impacts your business. Most agents don't listen. And I'll give you an example. What do you do, what do you do for your clients after they close on a home? Right? It's very common. We've all bought a home too, right? Which is you walk into this new home that you just bought as a buyer, and there's a bottle of champagne in the fridge. There's a basket of flowers on the dining room table. The same basket of flowers that you gave to every other client. The same bottle of champagne that you gave to every client. Generic. I'm a number. It's just rote. But if you were listening while they were looking at all those homes and they saw this one little room that was too small to make a bedroom, it was just sort of a stupid little nook that nobody really understood why that room existed in the house. And your client walked and goes, I could make this my yoga room. And that's the house they bought. Instead of putting a bottle of champagne in the house, this is what Will talks about. Instead of putting a bottle of champagne in the fridge, why not put a yoga mat in that room with a little note that says, it's perfect, right? That's called listening. And every single time you go out.

Every single time you go out with clients.

They are telling you things, they're telling you stories, they're waxing philosophical. They're telling you what they don't like and what they do like. The problem is you're listening to whether they like big windows. You're listening to whether they like the view. You're listening to whether they have two cars and they need three cars or whatever it is, but you're not listening to the reasons why the why. You're not listening for the meaning. And that's. Those are the little notes you want to make that make someone feel seen and make someone feel heard.

And what will that do for the referrals?

I mean, you get skyrocket. You get skyrockets because you're no longer feeling like a number. You're feeling like a person.

So we came through. Our industry basically came through the pandemic pretty well. Right? I mean, we've been on an upward swing. How many in here believe change is coming? A shift. Shift happens. Right. How do you feel about that?

Frightened. I heard even a very seasoned professional say, scared. So how do we deal with that?

So one of the things that I loved when Covid first showed up was every talking head talked about during these uncertain times, and I wanted to raise my hand and be like, all times are uncertain. There's never been a time ever that was certain.

All that happened was something that we didn't expect happened, that reminded us that time is uncertain. And periods of consistency just breed laziness is all they do.

When economies are skyrocketing, you can afford.

To be lazy people get bad habits.

Yeah, you can afford to Be you can actually afford to be lazy when there's no inventory and prices are sky high and all you have to do is show somebody one house and they'll buy it tomorrow. Like, you're not a genius. It's not you.

Right?

It's like somebody should have leaned over and told peloton, you're not better. You're lucky. Right place, right time. And the smart ones know that. The smart ones don't take above average success. I'll give you the analogy. So I know this guy who. He trades stocks, right? And when the stock market, when he makes money, he is. It's because he's a genius. When he loses money, it's because of market conditions, right? Now, you can have it both ways. You can't mix your logics. You're either a genius or an idiot. Or it's good market conditions or bad market conditions. Conditions. But you can't mix them, right? And the best people, the ones with the infinite mindset, understand that. They understand. They don't. They don't celebrate the good too much because they understand that it can change tomorrow. And they don't mourn the bad too much because they know it could change tomorrow. And it's about saving money and being humble in the good times so that you have money and remain confident in the bad times. It's that wonderful balance of humility and confidence that. That go together. But people who make tons of money and spend it all in good times have none in the bad times. And the best organizations, the best salespeople, the best solopreneurs, I know.

They'Re conservative in the good times and they're liberal in the hard times.

It's so funny because that's the calmness that we were led by. We were led by that exact mindset when the pandemic first started.

So the uncertainty, the just planning, just knowing, let's pull that back to coaching. How do we take that out? How do we coach to that? How are we coached to that?

So the single best way to deal with any kind of difficulty, personal struggle.

Business struggle, financial struggle, whatever it is, is with others. Like, no human being is strong enough or smart enough to do this thing called life or career. Alone. We're just not that strong. But together we're remarkable.

And so here we are talking about relationships and listening as it relates to buyers and sellers. But the reality is your ability to learn to listen, to deal with difficult conversations, to how to give and receive feedback, how to resolve conflict. That's actually as if not more important with the people you work with. The value of this event, by the way, is not folks like me on the stage. This is just the fun bits. The value are the people you're sitting next to, the relationships you build during the breaks. During the breaks. That's the important stuff. During the breaks. Don't disappear just to be on your phone, right? Because if you have a team back home and you gotta check all your email, nothing undermines trust in your team more then you feel like you have to respond to every single email that you're getting. Just tell them you're going away to this event, deal with everything, right? They're smart enough, build them up. But putting that aside, get to know the people here. Because when bad things happen, the single best resources you have is each other. You can pick up the phone and say, I'm struggling, and it's doing it with each other. I've had.

The big honor, the huge honor of getting to work with some of our folks in uniform. And not a single one of them runs into battle for God or country. 0. It's always person to the left and person to the right. And their courage doesn't come from some deep internal fortitude. It comes from their desire to protect the person next to them and the fear of letting them down. The fear of letting them down is worse than the fear of doing something difficult. There was a former Navy SEAL who was asked what kind of person makes it into the seals, right? And he said, I can't tell you the kind of person that makes it into the seals, but I can tell you the kind of person that doesn't.

He said the star college athlete who's never really been tested to the core of their being. None of those guys make it in, he said. The preening leader that likes to delegate everything. None of those guys make it in, he said. Some of these guys that show up with huge, hulking muscles covered in tattoos because they want to prove how tough they are, none of those guys make it in, he said. Some of the guys who make it in are skinny and scrawny, he said. Some of the guys who make it in, you'll see them shivering out of fear, he said. But when they're emotionally exhausted, when they're physically exactly exhausted, when they have absolutely nothing left to give, somehow, some way, they're able to dig down deep inside themselves to help the guy next to them. In other words, the highest performing teams of the planet are not the strongest or the smartest. The highest performing teams of the planet are the ones who care. The Most and are willing to sacrifice for the people next to them.

That's, you know, I love that.

And that, that care and community. That's a lot of our core. Our core values. They're two of our core values, two of the Cs. So can we roll back just a minute and go back to Infinite Game just for a second? Because I hear you talking about one of the principles in that building a trusting team. And that is so important in real estate. It's not one person that does anything. Every successful person in this room has an army of people working with them. It looks like a lender, it looks like a title, title company. It looks like they're broker. So talk about building that trusting team.

I'll give you an example. First of all, what is a trusting team? Right?

Yeah.

We all know that trust is important, but what is it really? So I'll give you an example. It's sort of one of my favorite examples of what a trusting team looks like. So a bunch of years ago, I was in Vegas for a business trip and they were very nice to put me up down the street at the Four Seasons. Beautiful hotel. The Four Seasons over here happens to have a coffee bar in the lobby. And so one afternoon I went and bought myself a cup of coffee. And the barista working that day named Noah, he was charming and funny and engaging. And I stood there for far too long talking to Noah. And as is my nature, I asked Noah.

Do you like your job? Without skipping a beat, Noah said, I love my job. Now, in my line of work, that's significant. Like is rational, right? I like the people. I like the work. I get paid well. I like my job. Love is emotional. It's a higher order connection. Like, do you love your wife? I like her a lot. Right.

It's different.

Right?

And Noah said, I love my job. So for me, I was like, oh, that's a higher order connection. This kid's emotionally connected to his job. So immediately I followed up and said, can you tell me specifically what the Four Seasons is doing that you would even say to me, I love my job? And again, he didn't skip a beat. He said, yeah, throughout the day, managers will walk past me and ask me how I'm doing, ask me if there's anything that I need to do my job better. Not just my manager, any manager. And then he said, I also work at another hotel. He says, and there the managers catch us when we're doing things wrong. He says, there the managers put pressure on us simply to make our numbers and perform there. I like to keep my head below the radar and just get through the day and collect my paycheck. Only at the Four Seasons, he said, do I feel there's that word again. Do I feel I can be myself. What I find so profound about that story is this is the exact same human being in two different companies in two different leadership environments. And our experience of him will be profoundly different, not because of the person, but because of the place he works. Right. It's not the person very often. And so, you know, when we talk about, oh, you can't get good people these days, I'm like, you know, it's like the only common factor in all my field in relationships is, Right? It's like if. If there's no good people ever that you can hire, I'm thinking there's one common factor in all those people who are leaving you.

That might be you.

And Noah's experiences. You know, we have this twisted.

Thoughts about how we get the most out of our people. Like, how am I going to get the most out of our mate? People are not a towel that you wring them out, how much you can get out of them. You know, the question is, what kind of environment can I create in which my people can work at their natural best? And a trusting team, you know, you're on a trusting team. We've all felt it. You know, you're on a trusting team. Team when you can raise your hand and say, I don't understand. I don't know what I'm doing. I need more training. I'm having struggles at home. It's affecting my work. I'm scared. I need help without any fear of humiliation or retribution. But rather, you say those things with absolute confidence that someone will rush in to support you. We also all know what it's like not to be on a trusting team where you do not admit mistakes you did not admit you can don't know what you're doing. You never ask for help, and you spend most of your days lying, hiding, and faking.

There you go.

Which works for a short period of time, but eventually cracks become, you know, the cracks start to grow and things start to break. Trusting teams are feeling safe to ask for help. That's what a trusting team is. And you're either on one or you're making one.

You know, it's so interesting because, did I tell you my Tar Heels are in a national championship?

Yes. Congratulations.

Well, they were just not even predicted to go to the tournament, and there's a story about them that at the beginning of December, I mean, they were terrible and they had a big loss and they came back to the university and they got off the bus and they went in the locker room and they stayed together until 3 o' clock in the morning because they said, we have the skill, right? We know the game, we have the skill, we're conditioned. What they didn't have was trust, right? And they came out of that at 3 o' clock in the morning and they worked it out. That collaborative thing of saying, and I don't even think the coach was there. I think it was just, you know, you meatheads need to go in there and figure this out. And they did. And the result has been winning since then. So what do we need to do if we form that team, if we're, you know, clearly all of these people are in the right company. But how do we clear.

How do we build that trust? Or is that a really big topic?

That's a very big topic. But it's no different than how you build trust in any kind of relationship. So you say, I've met this person that I really like. How do I build trust? Well, you don't tell them all your secrets on the first day, right? We all know that you have to be vulnerable, but there's a timing and it's a dance and it's giving somebody a little extra responsibility, seeing how they do. And if they screw up, instead of yelling at them, be like, all right, try again. You know, we treat mistakes as learning opportunities rather than, you know, and a mistake is only when you keep repeating the same error and you haven't learned anything.

Where we practice empathy, you build trust with empathy as well. So empathy in business looks like this. Here's a traditional scenario.

Somebody walks, you know, picks up the phone or walks into their office when we had, when we did that, and says, you know, your numbers are down for the third quarter in a row.

We've had this conversation before and if you don't pick up your numbers on the fourth quarter, I don't know what's going to happen, right? That's pretty normal. Here's empathy injected into that scenario. Hey, your numbers are down for the third quarter in a row. We've had this conversation, conversation before. Are you okay? I'm worried about you. What's going on, right? Where it's about the person, not the performance.

And so when again, it goes back to that listening and you are not listening until somebody else feels heard those things. You know, seeing someone as human, understanding that we all have stresses and strains and egos and insecurities, and we bring all of that to work. And though we still have to be emotionally professional, you know, you can't sit in the meeting like this because you're having a bad day. That's emotionally unprofessional. Though we still have to be emotionally professional, we're still human beings. And a good leader recognizes that. And by the way, somebody on a team recognizes that, too. You don't have to be a position of authority to be a good leader, you know, because those who may be higher in rank than us are also filled with insecurity and fear and stress, stress and strain and ego and all that. Right. And it's okay to go up the chain of command and say, hey, are you okay? You know, you were really hard on us in that meeting today. Instead of labeling them an asshole, be like, are you okay? You know, and by the way. And that's the dance. It's like any relationship, you know, it's not expected for one person in an interpersonal relationship to do all the listening. It's a dance, and it goes backwards and forwards. And, you know, you meet empathy with empathy, and you meet listening with listening, and you meet difficult conversations.

I think that's been such a lesson for us in Covid with people working remotely, is that hearing is one of the five senses, but listening is an art where you really have to. You have to look at body language, and you have to figure out what's going on. That's more than what is right here.

Right. Which we missed out on Covid.

Yeah.

Like, somebody's sitting there, you know, and, like, they're talking, and they're bouncing their leg like this because they're nervous. You missed that. You missed that on Zoom. You know, you get nothing. Yeah.

So can we talk about one other thing? Rivalry.

Yeah. So of the five practices of the infinite game or an infinite mindset, having a worthy rival is the easiest one to implement immediately. So in a competition, in a. In a finite game, baseball, football, you have competitors to be beaten, right?

But in an infinite game, they come, go, they do whatever they want. You don't have competitors because you're not even playing by the same rules, but you do have rivals, and some of those rivals are worthy of comparison. And a worthy rival is someone who does probably similar things as you, who does one or many things better than you. In fact, their name might make you angry, Right. The mere utterance of somebody goes, oh, she's the best, and you're thinking, not that.

And you're smiling, but that's not what you're thinking. That's probably someone who's your worthy rival because their strengths are making you insecure, their strengths are revealing to you your weaknesses. And that's what a worthy rival does. A worthy rival, their strengths reveal to you your weaknesses. And you don't have to like them, but you do have to respect them and thank them. Because the goal is not to beat them. The goal is to improve yourself. The only true competitor in the infinite game is yourself.

And see, where that is so tough for our industry is cooperation. Right. And what I mean by that is I may be competing against you for a listing, but I win the listing. I might need you to sell a house. So we're competing, but there's got to be that cooperation along with it.

And a finite mindset is everything is about this transaction, this listing. An infinite mindset is I may win or lose this game, I may win or lose this transaction, and there'll be another one and another one and another one and another one. And the goal is not to win this one. The goal is to be better and better and better and better and better. And what happens is you win more often.

Yeah.

So I, I see.

And where I struggle with that, honestly, is I want to crush it every time.

Yeah, of course, of course. You're.

Every time.

You're a highly competitive, a type personality. I get it. Yeah.

But if that's all you do, you, you're not going to be in the game for very long.

No, I can, I've been in a long time.

But this is my point. In infinite. In the infinite game, the infinite game, the infinite mindset is about having the strength, the, the will and the resources, which means will is I really still enjoy this industry and the resources is I got the money to stay in the game. If you run out of will, you run out of resources, you find a different line of work. Right. The goal is not to win every game. The goal is to stay in the game as long as possible. And you're more likely to stay in the game as long as possible if you're enjoying it and if you're making money. So but like I said, think of those agents who are better than you, whether they're better marketers or better salesperson or the. They get more recommendations. And again, you don't have to like them, you have to thank them and study them and learn what they're doing, as I said, because their strengths are revealing to you your weaknesses and sometimes partner with them because you're actually stronger together. But hating them is stupid.

Right.

All it does is make you focus on them rather than focus on yourself. All it does is make you focus and sit around with your friends and be like. But they don't do this. And they. Well, you're not doing anything that either, you know? So it puts all your focus in all the wrong places. It's like. You know what it's like if any skiers out there. If you ski through trees, every skier knows this. If you say, don't hit a tree, don't hit a tree. Don't hit a tree. You hit a tree because all you're doing is looking at trees. Where. When you're skiing through trees and you say, follow the path, follow the path. Follow the path. You don't hit a tree because you're only looking at the path.

Path.

So your mindset is, if all you're doing is focusing on them, then you're. You're hitting trees is what you're doing. You're focusing all the things that make you weak rather than focusing on all the things that make you better.

So focus on the positive. Right.

I really. I love the concept of us being coaches and us getting people to that. That safe place.

Yeah. And train people to be coaches. You know, we. We teach people how to sell, but we don't teach people how to coach.

Wow.

And they're both skills. They're both learnable, practicable skills.

And I love the art of listening. You know, I think that is just going to transport you to another level in production and referrals and all of that.

You know, there's a great irony. You know, the companies that I know that teach listening to their people so that they will be better leaders, better salespeople, whatever it is, the profound impact it has on someone's life.

They report back that, thank you for teaching me that listening skill so that I could be a better salesperson. My marriage is better. My relationship with my kids is better. My relationship with my parents is better. Because the art of listening is applicable everywhere, where you interact with another human being, not just at work, even though the company taught you that skill for work.

And my biggest fear, because we don't need to go down that rabbit hole, but my biggest fear is screens are taking that away.

Correct.

Yeah.

I mean, I can prove it to you. And by the way, I've had this happen with agents. Can I borrow someone's phone? Can I just borrow a phone? Yeah.

Thank you.

I know. It's okay. Here, I'll get One. There you go.

Okay. I just want to show you something. I'm just going to show you a little. I'm just going to.

I'm just going to show you something.

Right?

So.

I'm just holding my phone while I'm talking to you guys. It's not buzzing, it's not beeping. I'm not checking it, I'm just holding it. Let me just ask you a question. Do you feel like you're the most important thing to me right now? Exactly. There's a deep seated psychological reaction when you are walking around a house with a client holding your phone, even if you're not checking it. And I have absolutely had it where I've been walking around with an agent and they're talking to me and then I look to the left and I turn around and they're like this.

Guess how that made me feel. That I am not the most important thing to that person in this moment.

Wow.

Right? And this is artificial. I'm just doing it right now in front of a room and I'm not even looking down. And you don't feel that special, Right? So the point is, put your phone away for the 10 minutes you're walking around a house and go ahead.

I mean, like, the art of making someone feel seen and heard is stupidly simple, right?

Learning their name really quickly is really easy. And calling them by their name is really easy. Asking them questions not about what they're looking for in a house, but asking questions about who they are, like where they see themselves in five years, professionally, like you, are you married or single? What do you, you know, what do you learn about them? As if, you know, as people. And all of that learning makes you show people different things. It makes, it makes you creative. I know this wasn't the kind of house you were looking for, but based on what we talked about before, I think you'll really like this. And now you're not looking to sell them a house, you're looking to sell them a home. And I know a lot of you use those terminology. I'm not here to help you find a house. I'm here to find a home. And yet you still left a bottle of champagne in the fridge in their new house. You didn't help them make a home with a yoga mat.

So really, really easy. Put your devices away because not only does it distract us, but as an act of service, you're doing it for someone else. Now, if you have an emergency, you simply apologize. My mother's in the hospital. I have to keep My phone out. I'm terror, typically.

Sorry.

I will try my best. Not totally fine. But you don't get to use that card very often. That is the exception, not the rule. Yeah. And a transaction that you're waiting for does not count. It'll have to wait 15 minutes.

And, you know, Kuba tells us that all the time. Just create that amazing experience, right? And that's what you're doing, because that makes you memorable. That's going to set you apart from your competitors. That one act of intention, I can.

So when they were building Disneyland.

The Imagineers took Walt Disney on a tour to show them what they had built. They showed him one of the rides. I can't remember which one. And they built an animatronic bird, perfect in every detail.

And they showed it to Walt. So excited for him to be. To show him this perfect, perfect, perfect animatronic bird that no guest would ever be able to tell the difference between this and a real bird. And Walt looks at it and goes, no, it's not going to work. And they're like, walt, it's perfect in every detail. It's the feathers, it's the color, it's the movement. Everything's perfect in every detail. And Walt said, the bird's not breathing. And they said, no one will notice. And he said, people can feel perfection.

And that's the point, which is they may not be able to say the thing that you did or did not do, but they can feel it.

Wow, that's great. That's powerful.

So one thing that I'm extremely proud of, and I'm not sure everyone in here is aware of it, but we have. We are aware of our core values, which I shared with you, and our manifesto, which I shared, and our success, which is what? Everything we do, we're driven by that. We bounce up against that. But we've introduced Be Gold and Be youe. And I was so excited to introduce this to you because it speaks so much to who you are. And the golden is grow. And it's not grow that I'm gonna beat you by growing. It's, you know, that internal growth, its own. So have extreme ownership in what you do.

It's love. The L is love. And Cuba is very driven by. Come from your heart, be genuine, which is what you're saying. You knew the Realtor was faking it, right? So come from your heart. Everything should be driven by love. Be determined, which you know, be intentional. Be determined with everything you do. Practice equality, so treat everyone better than you want to. Be treated. And I think the diversity of our network, and I'm not going to say family, because family can be so dysfunctional. Right. But our team, of our organ.

You know, if your family's not dysfunctional, you may not know them all.

But practice that.

I'm just.

Maybe that was too personal. But that equality of loving one another and then to do it now, you know, to make sure that we don't know how much time we have. We don't know, but just be intentional. So I'm really proud of that. I'm proud to talk to you about that. I'm proud for that behavior to be who we become, you know, who we grow into as an organization.

Yes. I like things that are verbs. I like things that are behaviors more than just sort of, you know, I believe that value should be written as verbs. You know, you go to so many companies and they have the values written on the wall, you know? You know, integrity, you know, with an ego. Innovation.

Right? With a big ego.

Yeah, yeah. Innovation, Honesty. You know, if you have to write honesty on the wall, you've got bigger problems. But the, the. The. But, like, innovation is not a value. You can't walk into somebody's office and say, little more innovation today, please. Like, what are they supposed to do? Right? But if you want to put integrity, you write, do the right thing. If you want to do honesty, you say, tell the truth. If you want to say innovation, say, look at the problem from a different angle. Like, they make them be. Make them behaviors that people can do. So I'm a great. So I like behaviors. I like that you did that. The concept of treating people the way you want to be treated. I'm not sure I agree with that one.

Okay, how about better than you want to be treated?

I think treat people the way they want to be treated.

Oh, okay.

You know, because you win.

You win.

And by the way, that's. That's. That's. And that. That goes both ways, right? Some people want a lot of attention. Give them a lot of attention. Some people want very little attention. Don't bug them. Right? And so, you know, treating people as a dial and you can tell the ones that have a formula because they're not listening. You know, like when somebody's giving me a pitch and I'm, like, looking the other direction and I'm, like, glazing over and they're still talking, it's because they have to get through the script, and they're completely ignoring the room. They're completely ignoring the fact that I am Just not interested. And so in an instant, people can feel perfection in an instant. I've come to the conclusion in the span of 30 seconds that this person has no interest in me. They have an interest in getting through their script, which means they're interested in getting through their transaction. And I've already formed an entire judgment and entire opinion of what this relationship's going to be like. And if you treat me as a transaction, I treat you as a transaction. Which means I got 18 agents working for me, not just you, because that's how you treated me. That's why I'm treating you. I'll play by your rules if you treat me with love and make me feel I don't want to work with anybody else, right? So if you're just trying to get the most money out of me, then I'm going to try and get the least money out of somebody else. So. And again, people will play by the rules that you set.

I'm guessing that I thing didn't work out well. Is it the thing in your eye that she didn't help you that I'm guessing that didn't work?

When I talked to her afterwards, I sort of didn't finish the story. I went up to her, I was like, you know, you can show me a little sympathy. And, you know, she said, well, that's not going to help you get anything out of your eye. I mean, and that's sort of how she thinks about everything. And she, God bless her, she had to learn that relationships are not based on facts and figures. And that is true in business as it is in a relationship, which is the facts don't always matter. It's how I felt. Did I feel supported in that moment and how.

So you do want to be treated.

And how I do. Don't treat me the way you want to. Because she doesn't want. Because she treat me the way I want to be treated. I'm sensitive. Yeah, got it.

Okay, got it. Thank you. So, questions? Are we okay to do some questions? Anybody got questions? I think we've got microphones.

Don't be shy.

Are you still with her?

There will be a follow up to that, so be careful.

Yeah, yeah, I knew that.

Questions.

And he is wisely not answering that.

Question, by the way, mainly because I don't know what to say after the follow up.

Hi, Simon. What an honor it is. By the way, my name's Mandy. To even be in the same room as you on stage.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you, Kuba.

Thank you.

And Kathy, my question is you speak a lot to us. You write tons of books. I'm an association leader as well as someone who serves 370 agents directly on a daily basis. And it's really easy to take it in and, like, hear it while you're saying it.

Sure.

But how would you suggest people actually go home and reflect in the points you've made today to better themselves?

Great question. So, you know, pick one thing and go do it. You know, it's. It's kind of like anything, which is, you know. You know, when you learn to drive a car, fly a plane, you know, sell a house, whatever it is, it's overwhelming. There's so much information, and you can't be expected to learn it all and practice it it all tomorrow. It's a journey. It's a process. And so do these things out loud. Do these things, live and practice them. And I'll go back to one of the things that I said before with someone, if anybody's ever gotten their scuba certification, they teach you, don't go diving by yourself. You have to have a dive buddy because it's safer. You don't do it by yourself. It's actually stupid.

And I think that's what this journey is. You should have a leadership buddy because it's too hard to do by yourself and it's too overwhelming. And leadership is very often a very lonely position because as you make your way up the ranks or you gain some success, it's harder and harder to know who you can be completely vulnerable with. You can't come to work and be like, it's not going to work. I don't know. I can't. No. It's like, you can talk about being stressed. You can talk about that. It's a hard time. You can talk about being uncertain, but you can't just break down. But you have to break down. You have to break down to someone. And so you got to have a leadership buddy, because a leadership buddy will be there to hold you in your darkest moments and give you a space to let it all out. But at the same time, they're there when you need to make difficult decisions, saying, you got this. I believe in you, and that'll give you the courage to do it. So who's your leadership buddy?

Well, that's amazing. You're welcome. You're welcome.

Hi, Simon. Denise Pollock, San Diego. Earlier, Ben was speaking about bucket lists, and, you know, let's say you put a hundred items on there. Where do you start? What do you do? How do you do it? You Know, to prioritize. You know, like when we were talking over here, one of my bucket list long term items is to buy a huge star worthy RV and drive across the, you know, country, which I know is not attainable in this moment. But how do we start with 100 things, you know, to buried life.

I'm going to get in trouble now, right? Because I don't believe in bucket lists.

Because I believe in reverse bucket lists.

Oh, I'm gonna like this. Keep going.

What a bucket list does is a long list of things that we haven't done. And it reminds us of all the things we're missing and it neglects gratitude. And I would rather we look at all the things we have done.

And be grateful for the fact that we've lived rich lives up until this moment. And.

So are. Are there dreams that I have? Of course. Are there things I want to do? Of course. Do I know what some of them are in my head? Of course. Do I hope to check them off that list? Of course. But what's more fun to do is go through the list of things I have done and the things that I never thought I would be able to do, that I was able to do. And it's a nicer feeling than the things I'm missing out on.

And for you, can I add in just like I know what I'm talking about?

Sure.

Okay.

I made a whole career out of it.

Okay.

See, I wish you would just pause and maybe look back at the lives you've changed through the work you're doing because you're changing lives every day. I mean, you're creating amazing memories for families. And all of you need to do that. You're making a big difference.

And I'll add to that. I'll see your raise. And I'll raise you.

And be specific. It's not enough to say you helped so many families. Just think about all the families you help. Tell me what their name is. Actually think of the actual family. The more you can connect it to a real human being, the more you will feel it.

And I'll prove it to you. Stalin said.

Stalin said the death of one man is a tragedy and the death of a million is a statistic. Right? So I'll tell you two stories. Both are true.

Right now, what we are witnessing in Europe is a horrible event of this war in Ukraine. And we see a proud people standing up to defend themselves against this oppressive regime that is invading their country unnecessarily. And the conservative estimates now are, you know, I think the Last one I read was about, you know, 5,000.

Men and women killed rising up against the despotic regime. Right. That's a fact. Those are numbers. Now let me tell you another story. I have a friend named Cammy who.

Lives in San Clemente, California. And she was driving home from work one day and she, as she turned the corner, she came upon a car accident that had just happened.

Where a 17 year old driver had hit an 18 year old pedestrian. And this 18 year old girl was lying on the street, her leg at a 90 degree angle, unconscious, and the ambulances hadn't arrived yet. Cami pulled her car over and got out and sat with the girl and just sat with her until the paramedics arrived. Eventually the paramedics arrived and took her away. And a few days later she was curious what happened to that girl. She went online onto the blotter and found out that that 18 year old girl had died. Okay, what made you feel more? Thousands of people who died standing up against oppressive regime to defend their lifestyle and their democracy or one 18 year old girl who got hit by a car in California? That's my point. Which is when you tell a story about a specific person, you feel it way more than telling statistics. Of all the people you helped or all the homes you've sold. I don't care about how many homes you've sold or how many families you've helped. Tell me about the one you remember.

You know, that's the one you tell. And when somebody says, what can you do for me? I've lived in this neighborhood for 30 years and I have a greater knowledge of this neighborhood than anybody else and I've sold more houses and I'll get you the best deal. Then you get a cynical bastard like me who goes, your business model encourages you not to get me the best deal. I mean, that's the way I think. I apologize because you want to keep the price up because that's what makes you more money. Like I know, like I get it right? It's like therapists don't want to get you better because they get paid by the hour.

If they did, flat fee, we'd all be fine.

But if you walk in and say, if somebody says, why should I do business with you? Right, you'd be like, three years ago I met this family, the Joneses. Oh, what a wonderful couple. Two kids, Lucy and George, and just the best. And you tell a story about what you got to know about them and what they were looking for and how you spent the time with them. And people will relate their experience to the Joneses, not to the 55 houses you've sold or the 30 years you've been in business, because I don't care. I just need one.

And so the more you can tell a specific story, the more people can feel it to yourself and to others.

That is powerful.

And now you can go back and use what you can. People say, what'd you learn at the. At the conference? You'd be like, well, Stalin said.

Can I tell you one more thing? And brag a little bit.

You're not related to Stalin, are you?

No.

One thing that we've done is an organization. Organization. I'm extremely proud of this. Cuba and Luba have been very touched by the Ukraine situation. And what, a couple of weeks ago, maybe a month and a half ago, Cuba, they decided, I think, with the girls. I'm making this up, so forgive me. They decided. It may be true. They decided with their girls that they wanted to do something to make a difference for the kids in Ukraine. And this tiny little idea for us to go out and feel shoeboxes with toys and things for the children resulted six weeks later in over 31,000 shoeboxes that have been shipped to Poland.

Wow.

That's fantastic. What I wish is that we knew those kids that received it. To be able to model what you're saying, but very proud of this group. Just very, very much how committed that's beautiful. We are. Isn't that wonderful?

That's magical. Yeah.

See? And that's the kind of story you don't hear about realtors.

You don't.

And can I make it better over here, Janet? Let me make it. Let me just. And all of you don't know this.

And God love them, they're from Kansas.

But. I know, I know. But let me tell you this story, because a lot of you may not know this story. Janet's office, her office, one of her competitors, her rivalry is Keller Williams. And I might be making this up, too, so forgive me, I might be embellishing it, but. But the market center there called and said, can we contribute to the shoebox drive? And so 80, 60, 80, 125 shoeboxes. They contributed from the. From the market center. One of their agents was Ukrainian, and she hand wrote prayers.

Oh, beautiful.

To go in the shoeboxes.

Beautiful.

And you. I don't want to start crying. You don't. You don't hear that. You don't hear that. That's how our industry works. Yeah, you just hear the commission breath. Right? So Guys, go out there, make a difference. You've got a lot of power.

That's great.

Next question. I think we got time for maybe one more.

One or two more.

Scott.

Thank you, Kuba. My name is Todd Fallman from the Seattle area. Thank you, Kuba. Thank you. Thank you, Kathy. And special thanks, Simon, for spending some time with us. In terms of pursuit of infinite growth and value, how would you define the difference between passion and purpose? And how would that help lead us in that experience?

Passion is an output.

Purpose is an input. We always talk about, I'm passionate for this. I'm like, I mean, everybody's passionate for something. Passion's an output. I love talking to people. Like, we only hire passionate people. Well, how do you know that the passionate for interviewing, not so passionate for working.

So I always think that passion is an output, which is when you are doing something that you believe in. When you're doing something that feels like it's bigger than yourself, that you feel like you're contributing to a larger purpose, what you feel is passion. Working hard for something that we love is called passion. Working hard for something we don't love is called stress.

It's an output, it's not an input. Purpose is like a battery, right? It provides energy. And so, in fact, I was just talking backstage about this before I came out, which is when I set out to spread my message.

There was some personal sacrifice that I had to make. I was traveling a lot, which means there was a lot of physical exertion and exhaustion. It took a huge hit to my personal life. You know, I'd go on a first date and be like, oh, my God, this is amazing. Are you free in six weeks for a second date? You know.

Because I met this girl in Vegas at this conference. It was amazing. That was a shout out.

But the point is, because I had a sense of purpose, though I did not enjoy it, it was worth it. So I think purpose makes us feel like the sacrifices we're making are worth it. And you will know it, because what you feel is passion. It's an input and an output.

I guess, better put, you need purpose to fuel passion. That would be a nicer way of saying it.

That is one of those things that's kind of hard to get your head around, though, right?

Well, not you, but I'm just.

I don't think you need passion to feel purpose, because what you're saying is that you have to have energy before you can have belonging. And I don't believe that. But you need purpose to feel passion. You need to feel like your work contributes to something bigger than simply buying and selling houses. You know, you need to feel like you're contributing something bigger than yourself.

And when you feel like the days you don't feel like working and you meet that one person that all sudden it's like having kids, like, you know, rationally speaking, I don't know why anyone would want to have a child, right? I mean, you don't get to go on vacation when you want to go on vacation. You can only go on vacation when the have school. I have no school. You know, dinner was macaroni and cheese from a plastic spoon over the sink. Like sleeping is something you abandoned for a couple of years. You know, you give up your life, your marriage is very, very different than it was.

And your entire life is consumed by children for many, many, many years.

And it's frustrating and hard and stressful. But that one time you catch your five year old sharing with your four year old unexpectedly, or when you go to make sure your 8 year old is sleeping and you catch her underneath the blankets with a flashlight reading, you know, or the first school player, the first boyfriend or girlfriend or girlfriend or whatever. When they get into all of that, sacrifice is instantly worth it. And so I think when we weigh the rational side of it, we'd never do anything that required hard work or sacrifice. But when we're contributing to the life of someone else and we get to see that life thrive and grow, all of a sudden sacrifice becomes worth it. And that's what I think purpose is. It's the knowledge that our contributions will live on outside of us forever. Like it's not that you just did something nice for someone, it's that they will carry that feeling and, and make them a better person in their own lives. In other words, you live forever through the lives of others.

And with children, it's grandchildren. Yes, unfortunately you have to have the children to get the grandchildren.

And then when you have grandchildren, then you get to have revenge.

That's it.

That's it. Maybe one more and then we're done.

Oh, this is going to be good. Because I know this guy. This is going to be good.

Hi, Simon, my name is John Myers. I'm from Wilmington, North Carolina.

You know.

Congratulations. Guitar heels, by the way.

Oh, it's gonna be a great game tonight.

I'm glad you're here because when I first met Kathy, one of the books that I talked about helped define who I was. Was start with why. And today you talk about listening and how important that is. And understanding someone's story. If you had to choose one question that you could ask someone to help figure out their story, what would it be?

So the question that I ask is, I ask people where they're from. I mean, I ask people about their childhood. I mean, I want to know where people are from, and I don't mean where they were born. You know, I'm like, tell me about who you are, where you come from. Because people can, you know, the future is figments of our imagination.

Asking people about what they do now, they'll tell you what they want you to hear. But when you ask somebody where they come from and tell me a happy story, tell me a happy memory from when you were a kid, they can only remember the things that matter. You know, we've forgotten most of the things that we did when we were kids, but we remember the things that mattered. And so those things tend to be incredibly objective. So when I'm really trying to get to know somebody, I want to go backwards, not forwards. And I don't want to talk about the present.

It's powerful.

Do that eyebrow thing again. That was.

I don't know what I did.

Your eyebrow almost parted your hair on that side. You looked at me and your eyebrow went up. That was nice.

These days, my eyebrow has to go higher and higher.

This has been such an honor. It's such an honor to introduce you to this magnificent group of people and just. I'm so thrilled that you poured into them what you did. There's so many nuggets that they can go back and apply today to the business they're doing. So we appreciate you. I'm going to say be golden. Be you. Because that's who we are, guys. Simon said, thank you very much.